I wrote the following article for a new Peace Corps Azerbaijan newsletter called The Aztec:

 

Oliver Wendell Holmes once said, “man’s mind, stretched by a new idea, never goes back to its original dimensions.” I pray that statement holds true for my time as a Peace Corps volunteer because – even one week after COS – I can already see that my service helped me grow in a number of ways.

 

When we’re down in the trenches, dealing with the daily struggles of life as a Peace Corps volunteer, it’s sometimes difficult to recognize how we are impacting others and how the experience, in turn, affects us. So, I thought it might be helpful to reflect on the ways in which I feel Peace Corps service stretched me in the hopes that it may be uplifting for those still serving.

 

Peace Corps service taught me . . .

• To feel more compassion.
• To be patient and less disappointed when things don’t go my way.
• To be more realistic with myself and others and, in turn, to find joy in smaller successes.
• To accept criticism more gracefully and laugh when in the past I may have cried.
• To be less concerned about my appearance and more so with the strength of my character.
• To gain confidence in my ability to handle uncomfortable situations and seemingly insurmountable obstacles.
• To appreciate the life and luxuries I took for granted before.
• To give myself “down time.”
• To feel more at peace with less planning and an array of imperfections.
• To appreciate the value of working with others to accomplish a goal versus doing it alone.
• To embrace pauses and silence rather than hurry to fill them.
• To rely on my faith and personal convictions in difficult times.
• To view each challenge as an opportunity instead of a curse.
• To embrace failure and not allow it cloud my attempts in the future.
• To appreciate uniqueness and the ways in which others are different from myself.
• To seek more ways in which I can help others.
• To relinquish control and put my faith in the abilities of others.
• To admit I can’t always do it on my own and to rely on others for support and guidance.
• To recognize that it’s more about who you are versus what you do.

 

I might as well admit up-front that I'm the worst blogger in the history of blogging. This is my first post since December, and I apologize. I'll give a quick update on what's happened the last 4 months, particularly some news that I'll soon be leaving Peace Corps (8 months early):

 

I went back to for Christmas, which was nothing short of heaven on earth! I spent two fabulous weeks with my family, including my adorable then-3-month-old nephew Jace, and in the comfort of western such luxuries as central heating, washing machines, gigantic grocery stores with aisles of selection, a choice of restaurants of all flavors. Truly a blessing to spend the holidays at home!

 

After my Christmas break, however, I ended up being placed on "medical hold" by Peace Corps and spent another 6 weeks in diagnosing and beginning to treat a problem with my foot. The short story is that last February I started getting a sharp, piercing pain in my left foot when I put pressure on it. The doctors in-country could never figure out exactly what it was or how to treat it, so it continued to hurt. Peace Corps then sent me to a podiatrist in the States over Christmas break, who diagnosed it as Avascular Necrosis (that is, a small bone in my foot apparently suffered a trauma and when it did not heal properly, my body cut off blood supply and, in essence, killed it). The only solution, we discovered, is surgery to remove the damaged bone, but since I hoped to return to to complete my service, we put that on hold.

 

I came back to almost exactly one month ago, but my foot is still giving me problems and other parts of my body are starting to also since I've been walking incorrectly on my foot for so long. When we realized I was going to be in quite a bit of pain for the remainder of my service and that it could be, in fact, causing greater damage, Peace Corps made the decision to "medically separate" me. That means I'm leaving Peace Corps and in a matter of days to go back to the States for treatment. Luckily, I will still receive the "perks" of being a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer even though I have to leave early.

 

So, for the past week, I’ve been packing up my life and saying my good-byes to all the wonderful volunteers and Azerbaijanis I’ve met on this journey. This weekend we are celebrating Novruz, the beginning of spring, and tomorrow Oscar (my cat) and I travel to to prepare to leave. It is with terribly mixed feelings that I close this chapter of my life, but I am confident that this is all in God’s plan.

 

I want to ask you to consider helping my fellow volunteers and I complete a project we've been planning for several months in our town. I've written a grant (on the link below) for an environmental education project to take place this spring that will teach local children
environmental awareness and culminate in painting a mural on a town wall that reflects an environmental theme. I'm really excited about this project, and I hope you'll consider making a small tax deductible donation to help my neighbors and friends in Mingachevir (summary
description below)! Please visit the link on Peace Corps' website:
https://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=resources.donors.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=314-062
.

Earth Day 2010 in Mingachevir

Like many developing countries, Azerbaijan suffers from serious
environmental problems. Oil leaks into the Caspian Sea, unregulated
factories pump smog into nearby communities, and trash litters the
streets and common areas of rural communities. While some of these
issues require drastic changes in regulation and business activity, the
most visible, in fact, can be improved by a change in behaviors, and the
beginning to that change is knowledge. As Azeris begin to better
understand how people impact the environment around them and the effects
of environmental problems on their health and livelihood, they begin to
learn what they can do to combat these problems. With this environmental
education project, we aim to teach youth to appreciate the environment
and better understand how their actions impact it.

This project will include several phases that aim to, firstly, increase
environmental awareness but will also provide numerous benefits to
participants and the community. An environmentally-themed art contest
for children will encourage artistic expression and general creativity
while impressing the importance of environmental awareness on
participants. Simultaneously, an environmental awareness class for
select students will use a number a methods to teach students about
environmental issues. A mural will then be painted on a city wall, based
upon the winning art contest entry, providing a lasting reminder to the
entire community. Finally, an Earth Day park clean-up involving local
youth will reinforce good practices while improving the cleanliness of a
popular common area.

Now that I finally have better internet, I'm posting pictures from my time here in Azerbaijan. I've recently added several new photo albums on my photo gallery (http://andreasodyssey.shutterfly.com/).

Following is an official statement from the U.S. State Department regarding the recent imprisonment of two Azerbaijani youth activist leaders. By posting this statement, I'm in no way advocating an opinion but simply sharing information that can be obtained on the U.S. Embassy's website (http://azerbaijan.usembassy.gov/):

 

For Immediate Release                        

November 11, 2009

STATEMENT BY IAN KELLY, SPOKESMAN 

Verdict in the Court Case of Imprisoned Youth Activists Emin Milli and Adnan Hajizade 

 

The United States regrets today’s court decision in Azerbaijan to imprison Azerbaijani youth leaders Emin Milli and Adnan Hajizade.  This court decision is a step backwards for Azerbaijan’s progress towards democratic reform.  The non-transparent investigation, closed court hearings, disproportionate legal charges, and failure to detain and charge the assailants have raised concerns about the independence of the police and the judiciary as well as about restrictions on freedom of expression in Azerbaijan.  We hope the events of the past four months do not signal a trend in the further erosion of free speech rights in Azerbaijan, and we urge that the appeal process is conducted in a fair, timely, and transparent manner.  We also hope that this ruling does not discourage Azerbaijan's civil society to continue its efforts to promote democratic reforms, which the people of Azerbaijan deserve. 

The United States remains committed to working with the government and people of Azerbaijan to seek progress on democratic reforms, including on freedom of expression and association.  An independent judiciary, free from political influence and a vibrant civil society are cornerstones of a modern democratic state. 

In light of my situation, I won't give any opinions about this article or the analysis expressed therein, but I recommend you read a recent BusinessWeek article about Azerbaijan.

 

http://www.businessweek.com/globalbiz/content/nov2009/gb20091124_513506.htm

I'd say it takes a mature individual to (a) come to grips with his/her weaknesses and (b) admit to them, so let's face it, one of my weaknesses is, um, blogging [slightly uncomfortable giggle]! It's not that I am not physically or mentally capable of creating a good blog posting, nor do I dislike the actual act of reflection that it takes to create a blog posting, but I just can't seem to motivate myself to write about the many things flying through my head at any given moment. While it's been a personal accomplishment to have journalled almost daily for my service (14 months), I admit I've always been more of a doer rather than reflector.

 

I'll just give a quick update on what's been happening in the great city of Mingachevir since I've last written. A quick fall gave way to temperatures (in my apartment, mind you) lower than I'd prefer that force me to spend much of my free time at home in bed under the covers or parked next to a space heater (no central heating here). Luckily, Mingachevir is still sunny and colorful, which makes for a more pleasant mood even when I'm already bundled in multiple layers (I've always been a sissy with cold weather).

I acquired two male kittens in September. Felix and Oscar are growing like weeds and have truly been my salvation in an otherwise somewhat lonely existence. In true Andrea-form, I delve into work zealously here as I would at home, so I'm continually involved in an array of activities at my organization as well as others around the community. This fall, I've written and conducted several trainings at AccessBank (can anyone say "Microsoft Excel" in Azerbaijani?!) and gotten more involved in encouraging marketing and community outreach in with our retail operations. I'm starting to work on proposals for several corporate social responsibility projects for next year, including a "day at the bank" for high school girls. My sitemates and I have also already started planning for an environmental awareness project that will hopefully include an environmentally-themed art contest for children, an environmental awareness class, an Earth Day clean-up and a mural painted in town to replicate the winning contestant's artwork.

One of my favorite projects is now finally coming to fruition after about 9 months of planning: I'm helping Colgate expand a dental health education program to several cities, including Mingachevir, where we will (alongside dentists) teach approx. 500 children about basic dental care. In all, with the help of Colgate and other volunteers, we are reaching approx. 1,500 children outside of the capital with this education program.

On a personal level, I have to admit I'm waiting impatiently to go home for 2 weeks at Christmastime. I can't wait to spend time with my family, have a small dose of "home" and meet my 2-month-old nephew, Jace, for the first time!

I think that's about all I'll say for now. Look forward to seeing some of you very soon and thanks for your patience with this rarely-updated blog. ;)

At best, it’s silly. At worst, it’s mentally and physically destructive to expect myself to do as much here as I did in another situation before. Here is very different than there. Here presents an array of special obstacles than there, and there is no reason in comparing two things that are so completely dissimilar.

 

It took me a long time to recognize this simple truth and is taking me (I say is because the transformation is not yet – or maybe never will be – complete) just as long to change my thinking in a way that I do not go back to that irrational thought-path. Besides recognizing on a superficial level how illogical it was, I spent my first year of service trying to fit the current me into the mold I expected before. I remembered my past accomplishments, schedules, and expectations somehow expecting myself to replicate those in any situation I found myself. But the truth is, that is far from realistic.

 

Here, I get far less accomplished in a way that I expected to accomplish things before. It is not for lack of trying, but that’s just the way things are. First, I’d estimate that it takes approximately 3 times longer to do something here (go to the ATM, buy fruit, wash dishes) than it did at home. I’m facing language, cultural, geographical (you name it!) hurdles here that I easily jumped before because they were understood to me. Furthermore, even for the locals, it just takes longer to do stuff. There are less conveniences and constants that make doing things there easier (the ATMs always have money, it’s easy to find the fruit you’re looking for, we have machines galore that make life easy!).

 

Then, there’s the issue of emotional strain (for lack of a better qualifier) that should not be underestimated. For no particular reason, I find I have less energy here. I need to sleep longer. I need to haul myself up at home in my PJs more often. Going out to do a routine task sucks the life out of me. I guess it’s just one of the annoyances of living far away from your comfort zone.

 

Given these arguments, there’s no reason to be unrealistic about what I expect of myself and there is certainly no reason to punish myself for the fault of something that is not mine, not anyone’s. It just is. So, do I feel guilty that I’ve spent all day in my bathrobe with my hair sticking straight up and didn’t even answer the front door when the neighbors came knocking? No! If that is what I need to be able to continue on, if that is what it takes to keep going, it’s what I’ll do! I’ll just chock it up to culture shock.

It may sound like the strangest thing you’ve ever heard to celebrate being sick, but about a month ago, I experienced what I believe is nothing short of a miracle in the form of the flu. You see, I’d been struggling some time (my whole life, one could say) with trying to do too much and not recognizing (or ignoring) when I needed a break. I’ve seen it happen countless times; I only recognize after the fact that an illness is my body’s way of telling me I need to slow down. You’d think I’d learn over time!

 

The story goes: I’d been particularly busy for several months, always promising myself that I was going to slow down, take a break and start being more critical of my “to do” list because I knew I was running myself ragged. It was only when I finally took a 5-day vacation in September to visit a friend in another part of that it occurred to me, sitting around for several days doing essentially nothing, that this pattern of “doing” needed to stop. I felt refreshed and energized by a break and understood that rest was exactly what I’d felt had been missing from my life the months prior.

 

So, I went back into from my friend’s house for Peace Corps meetings, still a little unsure how I was to bring my realization to life. What would I disinvest my time from? How would I decide what was less important? One of the issues on my mind was whether I would run for president of the special committee I was currently vice-president of at one of the meetings, and the night before, I toiled over my decision and questioned my true motives for wanting to be elected to the higher office.

 

Then, something miraculous happened: I woke the morning of the meeting with the flu – fever, sore throat, hot flashes, weakness – you name it, I felt horrible! It dawned on me: it was my body (or a higher power) reminding me that I didn’t want to keep going this way, that this was the first step in a progression of steps I could take to simplify my life. I knew instantly that I did not need to be president, that it was not in my best interest or that of the committee for me to take on one more thing when I knew I really needed to be doing less. Needless to say, I didn’t run for president and, despite still feeling slightly ill, I sat contentedly through a day of meetings, having giving the bulk of the responsibility and workload to someone else. 

 

That was the first step in what I’d like to call my taking back my life.

This review comes slightly after my one-year mark in-country (September 23) but, I think, is nonetheless important in helping me recognize how far I’ve come in the past year. I don’t mean for it to sound like bragging, rather I hope to use it as a tool in the future when I am feeling low to point back to a specific moment in time when I felt the transformation inside me. In fact, some days when I am feeling particularly down, it is clinging to the potential of becoming a better and stronger person that keeps me going.

 

Being here is hard – every day presents a new set of challenges (or those that continue to resurface), frustrations and obstacles that it is my duty here to overcome. Each Peace Corps Volunteers has a choice, though: to either allow the negativity to get the best of us and allow it to rule our actions or to look on it as another hurdle to overcome in our quest for a better tomorrow.

 

After suffering a rough patch over the summer, I’ve welcomed fall with a sense of hope and accomplishment. One of the great challenges of being a volunteer, I’ve found, is learning to celebrate small victories as opposed to unrealistically expecting visible, wide-sweeping changes. We all come here with that dream in mind and feel a sense of hopelessness when we discover, as we all eventually do, how unrealistic some of our plans were. It is perhaps the biggest accomplishment to learn to work with what you have and take joy in the small things you can do for others.

 

For this reason, in the spirit of reminding myself that I have grown closer to becoming the person I aspire to be, I’ve made a list of what I feel I’ve accomplished personally in the past year:

• Learning to be more compassionate.
• Leading to be more patient and less disappointed when things don’t go as I want.
• Bring more realistic with myself and others and, in turn, taking joy in smaller successes.
• Accepting criticism more gracefully and laughing when in the past I may have cried.
• Developing a more positive body image and being less inclined to worry about my appearance solely for the sake of a man or others around me.
• Feeling more confident in my ability to handle uncomfortable situations.
• Better appreciating the life and luxuries I took for granted with before.
• Giving myself “down time.”
• Being more comfortable with less planning and an array of imperfections.
• Understanding the importance of and being able to carry out working with others to accomplish a goal versus doing it alone.
• Being less uncomfortable in dirty environments and feeling less compelled to shower so often.
• Reading a lot more.
• Feeling more comfortable with less to do. Embracing pauses and silence rather than running from them.
• Turning to my faith in difficult times rather than running from it.
• Viewing each challenge as an opportunity instead of a curse.
• Being okay with failure and not letting it hinder my attempts in the future.

I am pleased to announce the my sister has given birth to a healthy baby boy! Jace Michael Vandy was born on October 2nd.

Attachments:

Not suprisingly, I've been working myself kind of hard lately and towards the end of the summer -- as many volunteers were gearing up to go back to school after a summer break, I found myself overworked and haggered. I decided to take a "mental health" break and spent about 5 days visiting two of my good friends who work as volunteers in the north. My vacation consisted mostly of sitting around in my pyjamas at Jessica's house, watching downloaded TV shows and cooking good food. Then I went to Micah's for a day and guested with his director, meeting some lovely people and seeing a truly beautiful mountain town very close to the Russian border.

 

As Pastor Mark at NCC often says: a change of place + a change of pace = a change of perspective. I am happy to have had this opportunity to kick back, rest and take a step back from all I'm trying to accomplish here. I hope that it'll help me be a more focused volunteer and move one step further on my road of learning to be a more balanced worker.

 

 

I've just posted the pictures of my trip to Turkey to the photo portion of this site. Take a look... it's beautiful!

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a “Type A” personality – a hard worker, an admitted over-achiever, forever focused on being productive and crossing things off of that perpetual to-do list. I’ve been that way as long as I can remember and, for just as long, have had the tendency to run myself ragged because of it. No matter what I seem to set my sights on accomplishing, I attack every new project with gusto – dance, music, academics, my career. Even my hobbies, sadly, I manage to turn into a task: it’s not okay to just play around with cooking, you have to co-host a cooking club. It’s not enough to bake a batch of cookies for the office, you spend hours experimenting with recipes and volunteer at a cooking school to improve your skills. It’s not ok to just travel for fun on vacation, you have to devote yourself to a lifetime of moving from place to place (as a side note to this one, I don’t think this is wholly a bad thing but does prove a point).

 

I came to a bit of an epiphany a few years ago when I was in the midst of scaling the corporate (or government, rather) ladder in D.C.: since I was already such a go-getter, the competitive environment that I found myself in only encouraged me to be more extreme when what I really needed to learn balance. Among other reasons, that realization prompted me to change the trajectory of my life. Although, looking back, I know it was the right decision, I can’t help but wonder if I’ve gotten any better a few years into the future. Indeed, as I look back over the past months, I find I’ve driven myself into the ground even here. Oh, what an ability I have to mutate a healthy, hard-working spirit into something quite unhealthy for me!

 

See, as a Peace Corps volunteer, one of the things I was looking forward to was having some time to work on myself and tackle some things I’d like to improve in me as well as helping people here. Yet I somehow find myself just as swamped as if I were working a regular job when fellow volunteers seem to enjoy more time for personal reflection and comradery (that is not to say they are not working or not good volunteers). Yet again I’ve gotten myself involved in too many activities, committed myself to so many things that I’ve not only begun to wear myself out again but have also denied myself a very important opportunity to grow on a personal level.

 

So this is the first step towards making a change in my Peace Corps service (and my life): recognizing the problem and committing myself towards steps of improvement. I’m trying to revise my aspirations and activities with the goal of learning to pace myself. First things first: I’m taking some much-needed “me” time! After I close-out some work at the beginning of this week, I’m leaving site for a week and a half for a combination of work and meetings but with a 5-day vacation to visit friends in the north sandwiched in. This will hopefully give me some time for reflection and rest, so that I can again be the volunteer I want to be and move closer toward being the well-rounded (not overworked!) individual I aspire to be!

 

You might think that someone who has lived in various parts of the world away from her family for years and is, after all, thirty years old – an adult, in all intents and purposes – would not suffer from being homesick. You might think that there is a point in life or experiences where you won’t long to be home when you are away or tear up remembering one of the simplest memories of childhood or moments with your family. You might think that, with a special mix of circumstances and intentions, a person can overcome such feelings of longing for what he or she is not able to enjoy at the moment. But I’m afraid to tell you, my friend, you would be sadly mistaken because as long as you love someone who you are far away from, the physical boundaries will never allow for complete peace in your heart.

 

I’m not shy to admit that I’ve been feeling rather homesick lately. Having been gone for almost one year, my body, my mind and everything in me is telling me that – if even for a short trip – it is time to go home to spend time with the people I love. The smallest occurrences here can remind me of something so simple from home yet it develops into such a pit in my stomach that I feel I would give anything in the world to be back in that moment, with those people. Pouring coffee this morning, for example, made me think of my father and how he drinks lots of coffee each day at work and suddenly, as clear as reality, I saw my father and his coworkers standing around a coffee pot in a sterile-looking maze of cubicles. I suddenly, for just a moment, longed to transport myself there to say hello, to tell them I am remembering them from all the way over here, to remind my father that it isn’t healthy to drink so much coffee. Little flashbacks like that happened to me every day over here: I see my friends and family and think of a moment in the past that was so simple yet to me now seems so special.

 

I suppose that is part of the beauty of being far away from home. You learn not to take for granted each instance you have with your loved ones. You learn to treasure them for everything they are, and when you are once again reunited with them, you find a deeper appreciation for that relationship because you were away. Of course, we’ve all heard the old adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I don’t necessarily believe that is exactly correct, but I believe it is the perception it gives us. I don’t think absence can make us love any stronger, but I do believe that it gives us a new appreciation for that love.

 

To all my loved ones out there, I just want to say hello and tell you think I’m thinking about you from halfway across the world. I am counting the minutes until I see many of you at Christmas!

AP reports today are telling the story of American tourists who went hiking in a popular tourist destination in Sulaimaniyah, Iraq, near the north-eastern border of Iran and, after accidentally wandering across the border, have been detained by authorities in Iran (see link to AP story):

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090803/ap_on_re_mi_ea/iran_missing_americans

 

I don't want to mention this to cause any concern for my safety because I assure you that I am far from the Iranian border, but I do want to remind the people at home that Azerbaijan does border Iran and that some Peace Corps Azerbaijan volunteers are far closer to the border then me. Rest assured, though, that Peace Corps has strict security rules regarding how close we can get to the border!

 

My prayers go out for the detainees (some of whom appear to be doctoral linguistics students and, therefore, relatively bright people) and their families.

 

Attached is a map of the area that shows were they were hiking and the location related to Azerbaijan.

Attachments:

Like many people, weight is something that I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember. Yet, one of the many advantages I’ve found in growing older has been learning to accept myself (and my body) for who I am. The truth is, physical beauty is fleeting, and I’d rather have a beautiful inside than invest too much concern in something I can only marginally affect. That isn’t to say that I don’t try to look nice, but I strive to not become overly worried about it.

 

Living in has helped me move several strides forward in this quest because, in , people are quick to point out perceived imperfections and less likely to “sugar coat” their assessments of the people and things around them. When they ask what you think of something, they appreciate an honest response even if it’s negative. When someone comes to their house for dinner, they would rather their guest admit he/she doesn’t like the meal versus sitting quietly and choking it down. So, the same conduct applies to conversations about a person’s physical appearance: they just state the obvious even when it is something that in our culture we wouldn’t dare mention.

 

For this reason, I’ve gotten quite used to being called “fat.” Am I really fat? No, I’m a pretty normal size by American standards and have, in fact, lost a fair bit of weight since I’ve been here. But let’s face it, compared to Azerbaijani young women (and men), I’m enormous. One of the side effects of living in a less-developed country is poor nutrition, which results in a population of young people who are short, small-boned and board-thin until, of course, they get a little older and plump up. Compared to the Azerbaijanis our age, all of us volunteers are just physically bigger. And in their need to be able to identify and put words to what they are seeing, Azerbaijanis regularly comment on how I am fat, ask what I eat and debate with each other (right in front of me) whether or not I’m the appropriate size!

 

There seems to be a splitting of the minds here in as to what the appropriate size for a young woman actually is. I get some ladies telling me I’m fat and I really ought to eat x or do y to bring my weight down. Then I have others saying they wish they looked more like me or that their daughters would be more beautiful if they were my size. Either way, it’s reassuring that each time I here the “f” word, I’m less and less offended by it and have learned that being identified as such is just as much a part of my life here as going to the bazaar to buy fruit.

I don’t think I’ve taken much time in my past seven months as a volunteer to really describe in much detail what it is I actually do here. Most of you, even those of whom I am in contact with fairly regularly, don’t know much about my daily routine. Since this is something that some of you might find interesting, I thought I’d write a little about a day in the life of Andrea as a Peace Corps volunteer. 

 

As a Community Economic Development Volunteer, I am assigned to a host organization, in my case a micro-finance bank, where I spend 20-25 hours a week working as a business consultant for both my local branch and the headquarters office. My job is to essentially stick my nose into anything that’s going on with the goal of improving business practices and the skills of our employees. I do everything from editing English language materials to helping my branch manager brainstorm ways to save money on overhead costs to doing special reports for our Management Board to creating (and conducting) worthwhile trainings for employees on subjects like English language, customer service, and Microsoft Excel. I like my work with my organization and consider it a blessing that I have plenty of things I can do to help on my three days a week in the office.

 

Besides organization work, however, volunteers are expected to be involved in a range of community projects and activities that, in any way we are interested, help enrich our community and the people in it. In the spring, I conducted an English conversation club and basic English class for bank employees as well as community members. I’ll probably do something similar to this in the fall. I’m also trying to start a women’s discussion group (see earlier post) in Mingachevir. I’m working on the beginning stages of a few other projects, like engaging the local Ministry of Ecology and Nature on an anti-litter campaign and discussing plans with Colgate to expand their dental health education program for children to the regions. Basically, again, I stick my hands in a number of things and enjoy the flexibility of being able to choose activities that interest me.

 

Besides that, I must admit, I spend a decent amount of time in “me time.” Let’s face it: being a Peace Corps volunteer is exhausting! Every moment I am outside of my apartment, I have to be “on:” interacting respectfully with the locals, struggling with the language, dealing with many cultural differences and frustrations of being in a strange place away from many of the comforts of home. All of this takes 2-3 times more energy than you’d expect. Plus, when you consider that taking care of household responsibilities like cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and bill paying is decidedly less convenient here than at home, you have a full-time job no matter how much you work!

 

Today I had restful day at home! After waking around 9 and doing some light cleaning (with the amount of , my apartment never feels clean!), a friend came over to visit. I spent much of the afternoon laying in bed reading a book, took a short nap and then worked on preparations for a committee meeting I have in a few weeks.  I’m now on my second attempt to catch up on email (using dial-up at home) and plan on turning in early this evening in preparation for a full day at work tomorrow.

Since my first visit to Mingachevir during my Peace Corps training, I have wanted to focus part of my service on women’s and gender role issues, my work ideally manifesting itself in the form of a women’s discussion group that would encourage friendships amongst women, allow them to open up and talk about some personal subjects, and learn a bit about themselves, each other and the world around them. I’ve felt very passionate about this idea for a women’s group for some time but have struggled to see it come to fruition.

 

Finally, yesterday the inklings of some interest in such a group began to show when I invited a handful of young woman I know in town to come to my apartment and just hang out for the afternoon. My former host sisters and a classmate arrived around 2:30, bringing a packaged cake, which we put out on plates along with ice cold soft drinks I’d just purchased at the store downstairs. An English teacher at an elementary school came next, excited to relay to the others her stories from a recent trip out of (her first foreign travel). Then a college student from Mingachevir who studies translation in arrived, and an afternoon of girl talk ensued with giggling and talking about boys and make-up and eventually about cultural differences, gender roles and even a little politics.

 

It may seem like the smallest victory hardly worth mentioning that 5 girls hung out at my house for a few hours on a Sunday afternoon, but to me this was a huge step. In one session, this group of girls began to feel comfortable with each other and adamantly agreed that we should do this every month. And hence, my women’s group is born! (I only pray that we can continue in some capacity in the following months).

Along with a number of professional and service-related goals I have developed for my time in Peace Corps, I have also come up with several personal goals. One of which is learning to be a little more easy-going and to sit back and enjoy life a bit more than (many of you know!) my normal personality allows.

See, the truth is I am an admitted over-achiever. This characteristic can be both positive and negative simultaneously. While it means I am productive and accomplish a lot of tasks, I also have a tendency to be unrealistic with my expectations of myself and, therefore, never quite feel a sense of contentment with who I am or what I am doing because I am so focused on the next hurdle or any shortcomings I’ve identified. I know that becoming a more easy-going person is a step in the right direction towards a more balanced and happy life.

 

Exactly because I struggle with this, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff has long been one of my favorite books because it has a number of short chapters on very practical things you can do to learn to, essentially, not get all worked up about the stuff that isn’t that important. My mother just sent this book to me in the mail because I’ve realized, as I work on this aspect of myself, each chapter will be a practical reminder of the things I should be doing (or not doing).

 

The first chapter I read this morning before work was a bit of an introduction on not sweating the small stuff (i.e. not getting all worked up about things that aren’t that important in the big scheme of things). When I worked at EPA, I used to have a saying posted in my cubicle that said something along the lines of “whenever you are worried about something, ask yourself whether it will matter (or you’ll even remember it) 20 years from now.” That’s a good indication of what to sweat and what not to sweat. Also, it reminds that there’s no reason to worry much about things you can do nothing about. 

 

Since much of my life here is made up of tiny examples of things that I could be justified in getting flustered about, Peace Corps service is excellent practice towards this goal! So when the electricity goes out unexpectedly (which is fairly frequent) or half of the people who promised to attend a discussion group cancel at the last minute (which happened yesterday), I’m slowly learning to take a deep breath and just keep plugging along. 

I know, I know, it’s been a month since I returned from my trip to and have posted no blogs or photos regarding my trip. So, here it goes (at least an intro):

 

My friend Bev from D.C., was feeling rather brave and set off on her first trip across the Atlantic… not to or but to to visit me! She arrived the night of May 19^th, and after a leisurely breakfast in Baku, we set off back to my little town of so that I could show her my life in the Peace Corps. We spent the better part of 4 days in Mingachevir walking around the city and getting to know many of my friends, coworkers and neighbors.

 

On May 25^th, we flew to and began the most relaxing and luxurious 10-day vacation in Turkey! We spent our first 3 nights in the heart of Istanbul, where I experienced a bit of reverse culture shock as we encountered hoards of foreign tourists and real coffee shops, restaurants and stores of brands I’ve actually heard of. I spent more time lounging on the roofop terrace overlooking the Bosphorous than touring the famous sites around us like and Sultanahmet Mosque, but it was a nice introduction to a 10-day stint of luxury. Then we hopped a plane to Antalya (on the Mediterranean) and spent 3 nights in a quaint guesthouse in the old part of the city, winding our ways through cobbled streets and dining at restaurants overlooking the harbor. We then took a bus down the shore to stay two nights in an up-and-coming fishing village called Kash, which (at least in Azeri) means “if only.” We stayed at a hotel with a balcony almost right over the water and the sounds of the waves hitting the rocks lulled us to sleep each night (and during our afternoon naps).

 

It was a vacation made in heaven! The Turkish people were amazingly friendly. The cuisine was fantastic -- anytime we were hungry, we popped into a café for mezes (appetizers) and wine or coffee. The views were fantastic, and I was amazed by everything being so clean and beautiful and well-maintained.

 

It was the relaxing vacation I truly needed to rejuvenate and unwind after a hard 9 months in the developing world. We visited to Turkish baths, which I completely fell in love with. Half-naked attendants foam you up and scrub you down until you every muscle in your body is relaxed and you feel squeaky clean.

 

Anyway, I could go on and on (as I have to the interest or complete irritation of my fellow volunteers) about the wonderful time Bev and I had in ! I am eager to plan yet another trip to explore more parts of this ancient and fantastic country in addition to being more motivated to learn Azerbaijani since the languages are so similar (indeed, I as surprised to find I could communicate rudimentally in Turkish).

 

I wrote the following article on culture shock for the Peace Corps Azerbaijan volunteers' newsletter:

 

I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately. Since returning from an indulgent vacation out West about a month ago, I’ve been questioning myself and feeling increasingly negative as I face the daily struggles of Peace Corps life. The honeymoon is over. The novelty of living in a new place is starting to wear off, and my once-unrealistic enthusiasm for what I thought I could accomplish is causing me nothing but frustration as I see my lofty expectations collapsing before my eyes. AZ5s, go ahead and snicker at yet another naïve PCV being hit in the face by reality, but AZ6s, I’m here to say there’s hope!   

 

After lamenting to my parents of my general malaise in our last phone conversation, my mother sent me some text from the On the Home Front Handbook Peace Corps sent to our families when we joined. It explains that during the first year (particularly around the nine-month mark), it is common for PCVs to “face the questions of why they joined the Peace Corps” and “reflect on the contributions they are making and on what they are getting out of the experience,” raising concerns like: “I am not making a significant contribution,” “it is impossible to get anything done in this country, and “I do not speak the language well enough to be of any real use.” True, we’re still struggling with language and culture, our roles in our organizations, our relationships in our communities, and our own expectations for what we want our service to be. The handbook explains, however, that the first year is just as much about overcoming such challenges as the second year is about seeing some of our hard work come to fruition.

 

Knowing, in itself, that this is just another stage in our personal growth as volunteers is reassuring. Nevertheless, I’d like to go a step further and offer (to any of you who may be feeling like me) some suggestions I’ve personally been trying to implement to surmount this little hurdle:

• Read back over your Aspiration Statement, journal entries, anything you may have written when you were “psyched.” Remind yourself why you are here and why you want to succeed.
• Be honest with your friends and family members here and at home about how you feel. Your friends here will probably admit they are struggling (or have in the past) with similar feelings, and you can use this experience to strengthen your friendship and encourage each other. Your support group at home can reassure you that they are proud of you and admire the sacrifices you are making, which somehow makes it easier to face them.
• Reassess your life here, including your role(s), goals, and schedule. This may be the perfect time to stop doing some things you don’t necessarily like doing (or are not getting anywhere with) and/or start something you’ve been wanting to try. In this, be realistic with your expectations of yourself and others. This means, in part, learning to say “no” to the time- and energy-drainers in your life.
• Focus on people and activities that make you feel good and remind you why you are here. Gravitate towards the positive (a promising student, a motivated coworker, an easy project bound to succeed) and try to distance yourself from the negative. Granted, there are times when we should tackle bigger challenges, but when you’re feeling particularly low is not the time.
• Develop achievable short- and long-term goals (if you have not already) for yourself and plan your time around working towards those. This is particularly helpful for those of us who continually try to do too much because it makes us examine every activity we commit to under a greater lens. For example, I’ve written a short list of long-term goals I hope to achieve during my service, and I am trying to only focus my time and energy on activities and projects that fall under those goals. We can’t be everything to everyone.
• Give yourself a break! If you are feeling down, do what you need to do to move past it: take a mental health day, visit a friend out of site, do something fun in your community that you’ve been meaning to do but haven’t had time for. Remember: we are human – we can’t be “on” all the time!
• Talk to other volunteers or staff for advice on how they’ve gotten through hard times. We all struggle with these feelings some time or another. The fact that you make an effort to overcome them and, therefore, grow as a person is something to be celebrated.
• Finally, know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel! The handbook promises that “not surprisingly, many volunteers find the second year as fulfilling as they found the first year frustrating” because they “gain a tremendous sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, recognizing, quite rightly, that they have become stronger people.”

Peace Corps Azerbaijan volunteers have a softball league for Azerbaijani youth, where we teach them the game along with such life skills as fair play, teamwork, the importance of exercise and inclusion. We have four teams, including one I help with in Mingachevir, which will compete against each other this summer in a number of tournaments.  However, we are still collecting funds to buy equipment and cover the cost of transportation to tournaments.

 

If you would like to help financially, please visit the link below: https://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=resources.donors.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=314-052.

 

Thanks in advance for your support! I'll post pictures of the kids playing soon.

 

By the way, for anyone wondering, I am not a very valiant softball player and find my role as an instructor and corraler!

From The Economist print edition:

"Anecdotal evidence has long held that creativity in artists and writers can be associated with living in foreign parts. Rudyard Kipling, Pablo Picasso, Ernest Hemingway, Paul Gauguin, Samuel Beckett and others spent years dwelling abroad. Now a pair of psychologists has proved that there is indeed a link.

As they report in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, William Maddux of INSEAD, a business school in , and Adam Galinsky, of the Kellogg School of Management in , presented 155 American business students and 55 foreign ones studying in with a test used by psychologists as a measure of creativity. Given a candle, some matches and a box of drawing pins, the students were asked to attach the candle to a cardboard wall so that no wax would drip on the floor when the candle was lit. (The solution is to use the box as a candleholder and fix it to the wall with the pins.) They found 60% of students who were either living abroad or had spent some time doing so, solved the problem, whereas only 42% of those who had not lived abroad did so.

A follow-up study with 72 Americans and 36 foreigners explored their creative negotiating skills. Pairs of students were asked to play the role of a seller of a petrol station who then needed to get a job and a buyer who would need to hire staff to run the business. The two were likely to reach an impasse because the buyer had been told he could not afford what the seller was told was his minimum price. Nevertheless, where both negotiators had lived abroad 70% struck a deal in which the seller was offered a management job at the petrol station in return for a lower asking price. When neither of the negotiators had lived abroad, none was able to reach a deal.

To check that they had not merely discovered that creative people are more likely to choose to live abroad, Dr Maddux and Dr Galinsky identified and measured personality traits, such as openness to new experiences, that are known to predict creativity. They then used statistical controls to filter out such factors. Even after that had been done, the statistical relationship between living abroad and creativity remained, indicating that it is something from the experience of living in foreign parts that helps foster creativity.

Merely travelling abroad, however, was not enough. You do have to live there. Packing your beach towel and suntan lotion will not, by itself, make you Hemingway."

I may have mentioned before how Azerbaijanis pride themselves on their hospitality. They love to have guests over and when they do, they go out of their way to treat their guests well. The best table linens, boxed cookies or chocolates, and stacks of photographs and wedding videos are pulled out in an attempt to show each guest a good time.

 

I have become quite an avid “guester” for a number of reasons. Not only is it a great opportunity to get to know people in my community, but it is also fun to indulge myself a bit in the local culture (not to mention a free meal when I’m low on funds!). I “guest” (yes, in Azerbaijani, it is an often-used verb) about once a week, making my way through coworkers, mine and my fellow volunteers’ host families, and even nice women I meet randomly in the community.

 

Yesterday evening, I had dinner with a young family a few blocks from my apartment. I had met Ilhama, a veiled 24-year-old, on the bus last week, and she was insistent that I meet her two young daughters and spend time with them at her home. We exchanged phone numbers (after I walked with her to the children’s kindergarten), and she called yesterday afternoon to say that she I should come for dinner. After my English lesson at the bank, I went to their apartment to spend a delightful evening with Ilhama, her husband and 2- and 3-year-old girls.

 

They didn’t have much, but they went out of their way to make me feel comfortable. We ate a relatively simple meal, the girls were delighted to have a new adult to play with, and it turns out, her husband used to work as an accountant at an organization where a former volunteer was placed. He proudly explained that my Azerbaijani is already better than Mike’s and asked if I drink lots of Coke because Mike refused to drink tea and instead went through a liter of coke a day!

 

It was an interesting interaction, and it strikes me how very excited this young family was to have a foreign guest spend some time with them. A few hours – how very simple! We commemorated the evening by taking family portraits (with me) with a camera phone and on the way out the door, Ilhama latched a beautiful little necklace around my neck in appreciation for my guesting with them.

The first 7 months of Peace Corps training and service in , we were required to live with host families. I lived with the Qasimova family (a widow Sevda and her 20-something daughters Leyla and Ella) during 3 months of training. Then I spent my first 4 months in Mingachevir with the Huseynov family (5 adults in a two-bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment). On April 17^th, I am happy to say I finally became an independent member of society and moved into my own apartment!

 

It has been a relief for so many reasons to have my own space, my own schedule and my own things. As I mentioned above, we were almost living on top of each other in small apartment, which is normal in Azerbaijani culture, but a challenge for someone who has lived on her own for years (even with me having my own room according to Peace Corps rules)! This was exaggerated when my eldest married host sister brought her 3-year-old and newborn to live in the living room for a few weeks! As an unmarried woman, I was seen as someone who could not do much for herself, was continually told to eat more or put on more clothes to stay warm, and slept fitfully since the rest of the family was literally living right outside my door. Nevertheless, they were great people, and I will treasure my relationship with them throughout my stay in Mingachevir!

 

I have a coworker to thank for my new apartment (see pictures in the photo gallery section) – a large, well-maintained one bedroom with two balconies and a separate dining room. The kitchen is small (on a part of the balcony that was converted into indoor living space) and there is minimal furniture (I’ve had to buy a dresser myself), but it is comfortable. Most importantly, it is mine! I’m feeling more settled in my new apartment (although I could sure use a table for the dining room and some plastic chairs for the balcony, which has done wonders for my perspective and attitude. In fact, now that I have flexibility over my schedule, I’ve pared down my work schedule to three days a week at the bank, so that I have more time to spend on community activities and myself.

Last Thursday the first-ever school shooting in Azerbaijan took place when a Georgian gunman went into Baku's Oil Academy, said to be the most prestigious university in the country. Current estimates show that at least 12 people were killed, most with gunshot wounds to the head, and many more were injured when the gunman ran through the halls and classes of the university shooting. It was a sad day for Azerbaijan and my heart goes out to the victims and their families.

Before arriving to Azerbaijan, we volunteers were amply warned that gender roles and perceptions in Azerbaijan are quite different from what we are used to in the U.S. We girls were told to bring conservative dress and not smile or look at local men in such a way that they would get “the wrong idea” since, sadly, a number of the foreign women Azerbaijanis have encountered were Russian prostitutes. And based upon the promiscuity shown in some American films, locals have been taught to believe that foreign women are also “looser” than the locals.

 

Add to that what I would call a very chauvinistic society. That is, under the false banner of the religion of Islam, Azerbaijanis are taught to believe that men are superior and many women willingly accept roles that would resemble the in the 1950s or worse. In this posting, I will not go into great detail accounting how this, in fact, completely contradicts Islam and the teachings of the Koran, but this has become an innate part of Azeri culture and is one of we volunteers’ greatest obstacles to change and development (since development is directly related to the freedom of women to make choices).

 

I usually try to stay pretty up-beat with my postings because I respect the culture of Azerbaijan and its people, and I do not wish to make this blog a stomping ground for what is simply different or strange to an outsider. Having said that, however, I have to comment on how I fundamentally hate the great disparity of gender equality and treatment in this culture and because of it, I am forced to assume that an Azeri man is guilty until proven innocent.

 

Young Azeri boys are raised completely differently from their sisters since they are, in the culture’s eyes, more valuable. Many families refuse to discipline their young boys, and they are taught from a young age that they can do and say whatever they please with few repercussions.

 

Fast-forward to adulthood when these young men probably did not learn much in school (since they may not have even attended regularly) and have trouble (due to a combination of lack of ambition and the economy) finding sustainable work after spending the first years of their lives being handed everything on a silver platter. Most are discouraged and discontent with their prospects, marry a woman to cook and clean and boss around, and stand around town a good part of the day being wholly unproductive and completely self-focused.  

 

I am not saying that this is the case with all Azerbaijani men because I have, in fact, met some caring and open-minded men who respect me and have helped me a great deal here. But to the men on the street who stand and stare at me like a piece of meat and then go home to boss their wives around and make life miserable for every female around them, I say “shame on you!” Don’t they realize that their country is never going to see sustainable and lasting economic development without cooperation from the other half of the population?!  

I have to admit I’ve had a pretty bad last 10 days. I won’t go into detail describing my mounting list of grievances, but let’s just say its been a rough one. As many of you know from my previous posting, I had trouble with the apartment I found (after giving the landlady one month’s rent) and determined I’d have to find another. Luckily, thanks to a fabulous coworker, I’ve located an even better place – bigger, in better condition, and closer to my bank, that I believe I’ll be able to move into next week!

One of my latest problems, however, manifests itself as sharp, shooting pain in the joint of my big toe – something that just miraculously appeared one morning about a month ago. I’ve been trying to deal with the pain but after it refused to let up and was making getting around much more difficult, I called the Peace Corps doctors. I had x-rays last week in Mingachevir and once those did nothing to determine the problem, was sent to this week for MRIs of my foot. The diagnosis: inflammation, swelling and fluid on the joint. The solution: besides taking inflammation medication, nothing, just wait and it should go away in another month or so. I’m not necessarily thrilled with this resolution and just hope that it isn’t something more serious, which the doctors warn could be the case.

 

In the meantime, I get to continue to limp around and hope that along with the pain in my foot, some frustrations I’ve recently encountered will begin to subside.  

In some respects, it seems as if the Peace Corps experience is more about learning to gauge and manage a rollercoaster of emotions than it is about anything else. Granted we knew we would be encounter challenging work situations, less-than-luxurious living conditions and a constant barrage of cultural and language traditions so very different than our own. In fact, that’s what we signed up for! One of the less-expected yet just as frustrating aspects of it, however, is the constant assault on our emotions and drastic moods swings that accompany an experience such as this. It is sometimes hard to stay logical, optimistic and focused in such an environment.

 

My recent living example of this concept comes in the form of problems with independent housing (this Saturday marks the day we are finally allowed to live on our own after 7 months of living with host families). Last Thursday I was fine; in fact, I spent a wonderful evening with two young Azeri women, felt like I was really contributing to my organization (in fact, had one of our department heads from Baku try to make me a supervisor), and was motivated to be an active part of my community with a number of activities and project ideas. Thursday night I felt like a child on Christmas Eve waiting to spend a long weekend cleaning and organizing my new apartment prior to next weekend’s planned move-in!

 

By Friday afternoon, approximately 4 hours into working on my disastrously dirty new apartment (I’m not exaggerating here – think moldy kitchen equipment, wallpaper caked with months of dirt, stacks of old, smelly blankets) and discovering at every turn something else that was not working properly or falling apart (is having working faucets and walls that don’t have holes to the outside in them too much to ask?!), I began to slump into a state of severe disappointment at something I had spent the last 7 months waiting for… I haven’t recovered.

 

A coworker helped me move about half of my stuff to the new apartment on Saturday morning, and once seeing its state, very seriously looked at me and said, “Andrea, this is horrible! You can’t live here. We will find you another apartment” (ok, I’m paraphrasing because it was a mixture of broken English and Azeri, but the idea is the same). Upon this statement by someone I consider to be a reasonable local, it occurred to me that I may have made a big mistake! An immediate sense of panic set in as I struggled to determine what exactly I would do now that I’d moved half of my stuff in, already signed a contract and given a month’s rent to my landlady, and my contract with my host family was set to expire this Saturday. Plus, I’m set to go to Baku this Thursday for x-rays of my foot, which I hurt doing who-knows-what and can hardly limp on it, and any new apartment I find needs Peace Corps approval, which will probably take more than the 3 days I have.

 

In optimistic Azeri spirit, all I can say is “İnshallah, yaxşı olacaq!” (God willing, it will be okay). My coworkers are helping me determine whether I can get the landlady to do repairs or find a new place and recover even some of my money. I know this is just one of the many frustrations I should have expected and I admit I’ve learned yet more valuable lessons in this process. I just wish daily living didn’t have to be so frustrating on such a regular basis! I guess I should remind myself of one of my favorite sayings, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

March 20^th is celebrated in Azerbaijan (and other countries in the region) by the Novruz holiday, which marks the beginning of spring. There are many traditions and festivities surrounding Novruz, including various activities that take place on the four Tuesdays leading up to Novruz. One of which involves jumping three times over a campfire to shield yourself from evil spirits in the coming year (sorry, we didn’t get any good photos of me in action!).

 

The day of Novruz, a Friday this year, there was a big festival in the main square in Mingachevir with schools and other organizations with special decorations and performances. We had a huge probably 10-feet high fire going in the middle of the square surrounded by musicians, dancing, wrestling matches, people on horses and bicycles, acrobats balancing on tightropes, children playing tug-of-war. It was as close to a city fair as you’ll find in Azerbaijan!

 

In an effort to begin beefing up marketing for AccessBank, I talked our manager into having a bit of an event at the city’s festival, where we set up a table with a beautiful Novruz cake, passed out brochures, AccessBank pens and balloons and took telephone numbers for a raffle for free credit cards (there is normally a fee). About 8 branch employees and a few family members joined me in advertising AccessBank at the festival and we had a great time enjoying the festivities together! That evening, my host family had a big dinner with relatives, where we ate traditional Azerbaijani dishes like plov (a rice dish), badimjan dolma (meat stuffed in vegetables), baklava and other sweets. I have to admit, Novruz holiday was probably my most fun day in Azerbaijan so far!

 

The next week (last week) our bank was closed, so I took the opportunity to do some traveling and visited some volunteers in a Ismayilli, a town closeby (about 1½ hours by bus), and then in Khachmaz, in the north of Azerbaijan (close to the Russian border).

 

I’ve posted some new pictures on the photo gallery page of the events and of my growing host nephew (approx. 2 months!).

I try not to comment much on political activities in Azerbaijan because that is not why I'm here, but this warrants mention. Following is a summary of Yahoo! News article explaining that (as suspected) the referendum election yesterday in Azerbaijan has done away with term limits for the president. Many fear this (in addition to other restrictions included in the vote) is yet another step away from democracy for Azerbaijan.

 

I have been in Azerbaijan for just shy of 6 months. In this time, I’ve gone from stepping off the plane, not knowing a solitary word in the Azerbaijani language (also called Azeri), to being expected to function more or less comfortably in it. Fortunately (or not – for my language) there are a number of people at AccessBank who speak English, so much of my work ends up being in my mother tongue, but conversing with the local branch employees, most members of my host family and the rest of the Mingachevir community – as there are very few Azeris in Mingachevir who speak English—is all in a foreign language. 

 

I consider myself fairly good at learning languages, and I am proud to have scored an Intermediate-High (the highest given and only to a handful in my group) on our December language exam after 3 months of intensive training. For the past 3 months, I’ve spent 3 hours a week in private language lessons and tried to study on my own and practice with those around me. However, just as Peace Corps warned, I find myself getting frustrated with the language, worrying that my language learning and (to be honest) my motivation are waning.

 

As much as I would like to speak Azeri fluently, the life of a volunteer is filled with so many other activities and concerns that it is hard to make time to commit to learning every detail of a language. Plus, it is discouraging to work so hard for 6 months but then still to be understood when you speak, to formulate a sentence or to understand your host family. We are continually surrounded by this foreign language! That is helpful in that you learn more quickly when you are constantly bombarded by a language and forced into situations when you must use it, but it can also be a real stress to battle with it daily.

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to stay at a friend’s apartment with another American friend while she was away. We called it our “break from reality” to haul ourselves up inside for most of the weekend, speaking only English, doing “American” things, and avoiding interactions with Azerbaijanis – not because we don’t like them but simply because we desperately needed a break from the daily cultural and language struggle.

 

Next week, we have a one-week work holiday, but after that, I need to somehow reinvigorate my desire to work on the language, find more time to do so, and get serious about it again. I could be doing so much more here if I could communicate fluently with the people around me not to mention being able to build better relationships and gaining more respect in the community. Hopefully a small vacation from it will be what it takes to kick me back into shape. If not, at least I can more or less get around with it as is.  

When I came to Mingachevir to meet my host family during our pre-service training, I was a little flustered to find my host father grilling me the minute I walked in the door on why I would want to come to a developing country to work for free. He explained that as an economist, he could not understand why someone would choose a path for their life that was not driven my money. As I watched the confusion in the faces of my host family as my host sister translated my explanation, it occurred to me that the concept of volunteerism was completely foreign to most Azerbaijanis. Even though we learned the word “volunteer” early on in our language training, it is almost as if it doesn’t exist because each time I try to explain to a local that I am a volunteer, I am greeted with furrowed brows and blank stares.

 

Indeed, I received some similar reactions from Americans when I announced last year that I would be moving halfway across the globe to serve as a Peace Corps volunteer. It is true that the pay is all but non-existent. In fact, we are paid a stipend for living expenses that is maybe 1/10^th of what I was paid at my last fulltime job in the and, honestly, many of the perks are not great either. I am blessed to have a pretty great set-up considering, but the truth is Peace Corps volunteers make numerous sacrifices and face huge obstacles in order to try to help others less fortunate around the world. As Peace Corps’ motto aptly proclaims, “it’s the toughest job you’ll ever love.” And it’s not even really a job because you’re not profiting off of your effort. We’ve committed 27 months of our lives, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to putting others’ needs first.

 

This leads me back to a current dilemma I find myself facing: that is, determining how to effectively do my “job” here and serve the needs of my community and organization while attending to my own expectations for this experience. There is a balance to find in this that I find myself struggling to meet at present. Firstly, serving the needs of my organization and community members sometimes conflict with each other since I feel a pull on my time and energy from every direction. Since my coworkers don’t understand that I’m not a regular employee, I am continually asked why I didn’t show up one day or why I come in later than them. On the flip side, I feel slightly guilty because I don’t have time or energy to pour into my local community, where I see so much need and potential. Then, throw into the mix attending to my personal needs and goals while learning to function in a foreign culture, studying the language, and keeping myself healthy and sane. Now, there you’ve got a 24/7 job!

Much to my dismay, I've finally joined the social networking revolution and signed up for Facebook. If you'd like to use Facebook as a way to keep up with me, visit the website at http://www.Facebook.com.

I am usually a fairly positive person. I generally try to find the good in each situation and encourage myself to embrace the advantages to any circumstance versus focusing on the ever-present inconveniences or distractions. I’ve found, however, that one of the ways I naturally process culture shock is by having a negative attitude. No matter how much I try to remind myself of the blessings I enjoy each day or that I am living out God’s purpose for my life in being here, it seems that my consciousness is more consumed with negative thoughts I even realize. When my host family does something annoying, there is a misunderstanding at work or I’m having one of my bad language days, I find myself stewing over it – replaying the episode in my head over and over, rather than chocking it up to a new experience and moving forward.

 

I suffered from this negativism during our pre-service training. I found myself waking to some complaint about what had happened the day before or what sessions I needed to attend and made quite an effort to keep from annoying my fellow trainees and instructors with a constant stream of grievances. I was hoping it would be something that would pass with moving to my permanent site and starting my Peace Corps service, but I have regrettably realized this last week that it still haunts me.

 

Please don’t get me wrong, I am not miserable. In fact, I honestly feel quite the opposite. I consider myself truly blessed to be exactly where I am and who I am right now, and I am grateful to be sitting in my little green bedroom in , watching afternoon sunlight stream through a wall of windows as I listen to children playing outside. Life is good and I think one of our continual struggles as normal human beings is focusing on that (the positive) when we are naturally inclined to identify the negative in any given situation. Why do I find myself reliving less-than-pleasant scenarios (sometimes even creating them in my imagination) when I long so deeply to have exactly the opposite? I wish I could answer that question!

 

All I know is that I need to learn to make a more conscious effort to snuff out those negative thoughts any time they creep up and turn my thoughts to the many blessings of the life I live. I started this morning by counting down on my fingers a list of 10 things I should be happy about today (and stopped at over 20). It’s my little way of reminding myself that my happiness relies much more on my conscious decision to have a positive attitude than it does my external surroundings. Now, that’s something to be happy about!

A Peace Corps staff person wrote these remarks after listening to President Obama's inaugural speech.  His writing speaks for itself about how linked Peace Corps is with the hope that we may all experience peace and prosperity.

 

“The Price and Promise of Citizenship”: Although it is always difficult to forecast the future and determine the relevancy of current times to future years, it is almost inconceivable that the events of [January 20^th] will not be among the most important defining moments of our collective lives. I have never felt pride for my country at quite the level that I have felt over the last few days. I was raised in a family where it was often said that what we witnessed this past week would never happen. Half of this was mean-spirited, the other half originated from common-sense pragmatism as preached to me by my own Kansas-born mother. I am sure I am not the only one of us associated with Peace Corps  . . . who found election morning (for us here) so shocking. Yes, one favorite person won and one party defeated another. This was the competition that was fought and the competition that was won.

 

Of course, we live in our times with our issues and our debates and we focus on our point in history. Yet, history expands far beyond our memories and includes struggles that are waged over years and through dozens of campaigns and extend for several lifetimes. As such, it is understandable that a major milestone can be achieved in our nation’s history without it being the primary focus of the time. Still, this milestone was achieved. We elected a person to be President more wholly based upon the content of his character, not the color of his skin. We reached a point where it can no longer be said that this is impossible. From the point of my upbringing, the impossible happened AND this can never be undone. That is truly amazing and I am proud to see this happen in my lifetime. Indeed, progress can be achieved even if the struggle takes years, decades, or even centuries.

 

I was privileged to watch President Obama’s inaugural address. I hope and I am sure that people from all backgrounds and all stages in their lives heard the speech and are able to take something from it that they can apply to their current situation now. I was struck, though, by how much of the address seemed to speak so clearly to all of you…and by extension to me. Through your service to and to [the rest of the world] you are the embodiment of so much of what the President is asking of the rest of our country. This includes:

 

President Obama Said: On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.    

You Have:  Already demonstrated that you choose hope over fear and unity of purpose over conflict and discord.  
President Obama Said:  The time has come to reaffirm…that noble idea that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.  

You Have:  Dedicated yourself to helping people have this chance…even if they are thousands of miles from your home and have little in common with you culturally or historically.
President Obama Said:   Our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame.   

You Have: Accepted to pursue “The Toughest Job You’ll Ever Love” recognizing that it will not be easy and will not bring riches or fame. 
President Obama Said: Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.   

You Have:  Taken risks, made things, and toiled obscurely.
President Obama Said:  For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.   

You Have:  Packed up your few worldly possessions and traveled across an ocean in search of a new way of life.  
President Obama Said: Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.   

You Have: Struggled and sacrificed and worked hard so that people may have a better life. You see …indeed the world…as bigger than the sum of individual ambitions and greater than differences of birth, wealth, faction, or country.  
President Obama Said:  Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking . 

You Have:  Time and again helped show the way to pick yourselves up, dust yourselves off, and begin making a better American and a better world.  
President Obama Said:  For everywhere we look, there is work to be done.    

You Have:  Yes there is…you are doing it and you’re willing to do more. 
President Obama Said:  Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions – who…have forgotten what…free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage. 

You Have:   belief in people, belief in progress, and belief that imagination, creativity, and courage mean more than years of experience and doctoral degrees (not that there is anything wrong with these).   
President Obama Said:   Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.  

You Have:  Experienced learning these lessons in a way that few others every truly will. You are the living example of the justness of our idealism and demonstrate humility and restraint on a daily basis.  
President Obama Said:   We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and…believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass;…that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace. 

You Have:   to help us continue to learn new languages and new cultures from every end of this earth, belief that old hatreds will pass and that common humanity does reveal itself and that …and specifically you…have a role to play in ushering in a new era of peace.  
President Obama Said:   [W]e remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. We honor them…because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment -- a moment that will define a generation -- it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.

You Have:  Shown that this spirit of service already inhabits you and that at this great moment in history…the only moment we have to share…that you have chosen to do something bigger than yourselves and beyond yourselves.  

President Obama called much of this “the price and promise of citizenship”. This is a price you are paying beautifully and it is my continued pleasure to support you in your service to our nation, to our world, and to “promoting world peace and friendship.” Several commentators on Tuesday mentioned hearing echoes of Kennedy’s inaugural address in Obama’s. Through these echoes, I believe we hear Kennedy’s call for idealism, for service, and for hard work. After 48 years, there is still important work to do…work that takes years, decades, and maybe even centuries to complete. Works that requires sacrifice when progress is hard to measure…but work that surely must succeed. Yes…you have already heard these calls to service and are living symbols of dedication to causes greater than yourselves. Still…we all have room to improve…more opportunities for quiet greatness…and the capacity to hear and answer these calls at even greater levels. You live in a great time to be a Peace Corps Volunteer!!!”

Like I believe most Americans are, I am a clean freak – that is, I treasure being able to bathe regularly and, before this experience, considered it downright gross to go a day without showering. News flash to anyone who hasn’t considered this: facilities in other parts of the world, such as here, make bathing a much less regular occurrence and, in some cases, not nearly as pleasant!

 

Some of you might remember me blogging soon after I arrived in Azerbaijan about my “bucket bathing” at my previous host family’s house. The bathroom provided a rather crude set up with essentially a sink, faucet and makeshift shelf in a corner -- no bathtub, no shower and even though the faucet was supposed to attach to a shower massage hanging on the wall, it apparently didn’t work. So, for a little less than 3 months, I learned to fill a large bucket with hot (or usually more like lukewarm) water and use a ladle to drench myself (and usually everything else in the bathroom)! It was less-than-ideal, but it (more or less) did the job and got me more accustomed to usual life in Azerbaijan.

 

Moving to Mingachevir, I was immediately thrilled by the higher living conditions of my new host family! In my new bathroom, there is an actually bathtub with a shower massage that works (I use the term “shower massage” loosely, we’re not talking a rainshower model from Kohler) and a hot water heater that heats water far better than my previous one. In fact, it often makes the water so hot that it scolds me, forcing me to play a little game of turning the hot water off and on through the course of my shower to keep from wincing in pain! The fact that having hot water depends on the unpredictable availability of gas, which usually means I have to wake up early in the morning to get a hot shower, is something that I’ve grown accustomed to.

 

Tonight was a rare occasion when there was plenty of gas for a shower at a normal hour, and I had a delightful shower/ bath, hardly remembering that my host family, sitting in the dining room only a few feet away, probably wondered what I was doing in the bathroom for so long and why I was actually sitting down in the bathtub – from what I can tell, something they never do. It strikes me as humorous that I feel compelled to announce the fact that I have just bathed because it is something us Peace Corps Volunteers started to do regularly. Hey, when you might only get to take a shower every 3 or 4 days, it’s a big deal when it happens and you want to make an announcement to the world!

 

Indeed, I have gotten much better at not feeling the need to shower everyday -- though by the third or fourth day, I am usually beginning to feel pretty gross and my scalp itches terribly. Nevertheless, I thought it’d be interesting for many of you at home to begin to think about what such a basic everyday occurrence for most of us is like in other parts of the world. I’ll just say that I am incredibly fortunate to live in an apartment, which means that I don’t have to walk to a separate building, where the bathroom is usually housed, to shower!

I know a lot of you have been asking for pictures, but please bear with me. Even though I have internet access at work, it is not often as fast as I would like, so it's taken me awhile to put new pictures up on my Photo Gallery (http://AndreasOdyssey.shutterfly.com).

 I've finally posted some pictures of my host family here in Mingachevir, the Huseynovs! I think my Mingachevir photo album from before shows some pictures of our apartment. Terlan is the host father and I can't pronounce my host mother's name, so I call her "Xala" (pronounced "hala," which means aunt). My host sisters Ulviyya and Zulka (short for Zulfiyya) are becoming good friends of mine! We also currently have Khayala, their oldest daughter who is married, her 3-year-old son, Sabir, and their 2-week-old baby boy staying with us. Sabir adores me and follows me around the apartment any chance he can get.

I also have some adorable pictures of the baby, yet to be named. I'm pushing for the following names: Sultan, Javad, Javid, and Kahran although Khayala doesn't seem to be thrilled with any of my suggestions. Hey, they did ask my opinion!

I’m having a selfish day. You know one of those days when you feel your personal space or property has been invaded and you are annoyed at the presumptuousness of someone for using what is rightfully yours? Maybe not, if you are living in America, where the concept of personal space and property is highly respected, but I am in Azerbaijan, a place where a completely different standard exists.

 

During our language training, I asked my Azeri language instructor how I could tell my host family that I wanted some privacy for myself and my things (Peace Corps requires that host families provide a separate room for the volunteer, but my host family was continually barging in uninvited and using my things without asking). In essence, her answer was: the word exists but they won’t understand what you mean because we would never use it in that context. Hmm, interesting.

 

Fast forward to today when I am sitting in the little lunchroom at work eating my lunch with a few colleagues. One complains about her meal and the cleaning lady goes to the refrigerator, takes out the over-priced salad dressing I bought in Baku (because it was imported from the U.S. and cannot be found here) and gives it to my colleague. My colleague proceeds to accidentally dump half of what’s left in the bottle on her noodles. I snap at her, trying to explain that it was rather expensive and something one must go across the country to find (not to mention that fact that it’s for salads not noodles!). She feels bad, which makes me feel guilty but hopefully teaches everyone present a valuable lesson about taking someone else’s things, right?!

 

The truth is: although the concept legally exists, there is no such thing as private property in Azeri living. They don’t have much but they share it abundantly to the point that if you want someone else’s item, you just take some of it. No questions asked!

As you can imagine, this has been a custom that has been extremely hard for me to get used to (and, indeed, I obviously still am not!). When the girls in the lunchroom set out pickled vegetables on the table, I’m the only one not digging in. I’ve finally stopped bringing bread to work because I know there is already an abundance, but I still feel a twinge of guilt when I grab part of a loaf someone else paid for.

 

Nevertheless, this is the custom in Azerbaijan, and if I am going to live here for the next two years, I need to get used to more blurred lines between mine and theirs. As much as my initial reaction is to protect my personal possessions and lash out against anyone who threatens them, the reality is that I am blessed to have what I have and, as much as it may be an inconvenience, I can afford to contribute to someone else’s enjoyment, especially since they are (at least) attempting to provide for me. The moral of the story: don’t be selfish and share what you’ve got. Hmm, I’m still awfully tempted to hide the salad dressing in my desk!

Many Azerbaijanis believe in the power of an Evil Eye, a mystical being that wreaks havoc on people at random and can be warded off by hanging blue, glass handicrafts with an eye painted on them around homes, cars, etc. I suppose this tradition or superstition comes from Asian influences, but it differs from karma in that it does not depend on the good or bad actions of a person. Azeris explain that bad luck from the Evil Eye just happens at random, and there’s not much you can do about it.

 

I’ve recently suffered a string of bad luck, which my host family swears is a result of the Evil Eye’s gaze on me. First, I drown my cell phone in water last week and when it started to partially work, my host father took it to a repairman, who somehow managed to break it beyond repair. Then on my way home from hiking in the foothills near Mingachevir last weekend, the street was pitch-black and I fell into a huge (at least 2 feet) puddle of water, drenching myself in the midst of a cold, wintry evening. While I was standing in the bathtub at my friend’s house trying to rinse the mud off of myself, my mother called to relay that there are some problems with the rental of my condo this month and that I’ll most likely be paying my mortgage this month out of my dwindling savings account.  If that wasn’t enough, last night as I was settling into bed reading a book (and trying to find some peace from the 7 other people currently staying in our 2-bedroom apartment, including a 3-year-old boy and newborn), the voltage regulator that I bought to protect my electronics from common electrical surges began to smoke and filled the room with an awful smell, most likely killing the regulator and giving me a nice headache right before bed!

 

When I woke this morning, having slept fitfully and still nursing a headache, I had a little pity party for myself: “why me?” “I haven’t done anything wrong!” “how am I going to afford to replace all this stuff on a meager Peace Corps stipend?!” But on the way to work, I forced myself to have an “attitude adjustment.” Sitting across from me on the mini-bus was a young boy, dirty and ill-kept, holding a toddler in shabby clothes. He looked up at me pitifully, not with the usual stare I get from curious locals who realize I’m a foreigner, but with a look of exhaustion, unhappiness, perhaps desperation.

 

See, yes, my current string of bad luck is annoying and it sucks that I’ll probably spend half of this month’s stipend replacing items I already had when I could be saving up for a vacation or new clothes for spring, but I must remind myself that I am so much more fortunate than so many people in this country. Plus, that is why I’m here: to help people!

 

As much as I want to pout every time I think about the Evil Eye’s wrath on my personal possessions, it is nothing compared to what many Azerbaijanis deal with every day. It reminds me of a statistic I heard one time that if you make more than $25,000 a year, you are richer than, like, 90-something % of the world’s population.  It’s amazing to think that the kind of financial situations we Americans complain about would make most of the rest of the world thrilled! It’s true, as much as I criticize my measly 200 Manat (approx. $250) a month stipend from Peace Corps, there are plenty of people living right here in Mingachevir who struggle by on even less. Now, there’s something to think about next time I start to pout!

I want to give a shout out to my Aunt Becky (and Uncle Steve) and my good friends Greg & Lara Williams for the fantastic packages I received last week. What a surprise to have candy, food, socks, pictures, soaps & lotions, and other nice little reminders of home! I really appreciate your thoughtfulness.

 

For the rest of you, you don't need to send a package to remind me you care. Feel free to  comment on a blog or jot me a quick email any time. I have regular internet access, so it doesn't feel at all like I'm halfway across the world.

 

I'd love to hear from all of you!

I have often prided myself in my organizational skills – carefully and methodically ordering each detail of my life, whether it be my jewelry-making supplies, my schedule or my life goals.  This skill (or perhaps I should say “obsession”), like my fondness for baking, is a hereditary one – evident as I watch my father meticulously arrange his fishing lures into small plastic containers by color and purpose or as I watch my mother track every appointment and event in her weekly planner. The sad reality that I actually considered packing a label maker when I came to reflects just how much I enjoy being organized!

 

For me, joining the Peace Corps has meant facing a number of challenges and overcoming a variety of obstacles, one of which is learning to be comfortable less organized. Obviously, when you are living with a host family, you learn to cram clothing and books into any small space you can find in a cramped room.  Toiletries are strewn out along shelves and clothing is stuffed into suitcases or drawers or, if you’re lucky, a wardrobe with a few hangers. Needless to say, it is near impossible to store my things here in the way that I would at home (where stores like Target offers an unlimited number of organizational tools and plastic containers!). I have an accordion file for paperwork and a small plastic container for toiletries that I overpaid for at the local bazaar. Otherwise, I do my best to “clump” like things together in piles with the hope that I will one day have space in my own apartment to spread out and rearrange my things.

 

I am beginning to discover that maybe part of the reason I am usually such an organization freak is that I can actually be quite absent-minded. Take this week for example: I forgot to take my cell phone out of my pocket on Monday before putting my clothes in the washing machine (the verdict is still out whether the local repairman can fix it!) and then I misplaced my SIM card (the miniscule card that stores my number and information for my cell phone) before finding it in the midst of my books and DVDs! Frankly, I am surprised by my disorderly and inattentiveness and wonder if these characteristics are exactly what I am unconsciously trying to overcome with my usual anal-ness!

 

At least I recognize that in this area (as in many others) I am a work-in-progress, and I hope that my current living situation will help me learn to function with less organization as the Azeris around me do so very well!

If you know me well, you’ve probably noticed that I have a passion for being in the kitchen. I don’t necessarily like cooking for its practicality, but I find the culinary arts as a relaxing and enjoyable way to reenergize myself, focus my creative energy, and bring me back to the moment at hand. When I am stressed out, in a bad mood or just bored, I often turn to some creation in the kitchen to help me think or, even better, to help me forget any problems at hand and just “be.” For this reason, I particularly like baking and with that, the more frivolous the better! Sure I can whip up some pasta or a tasty corn casserole, but I prefer to immerse myself in the fine art of creating perfectly sculpted cookies, decorating a cake with chocolate slivers or adorning a pie with a lattice-work crust. I’ve often joked that when I finally decide to settle down, my husband will probably gain 200 pounds from being my official taste-tester when I try a new recipe! I secretly wish there were some way that I could fulfill my career ambitions while having the time to resemble Donna Reed or Harriet Nelson in the kitchen.

 

I haven’t done much cooking or baking since I arrived in Azerbaijan. Searching all over town for the proper substitutes to important ingredients, cramming myself into a tiny, ill-equipped kitchen and continually shooing off an overzealous host, who think she knows how to make an American specialty better than an American, has no appeal to me! Nevertheless, usually at some Azerbaijani’s insistence, I’ve ventured into the Azeri kitchen a handful of times with somewhat mixed results. That is to say, considering the obstacles, the pumpkin pie, pancakes, chocolate chip cookies and nachos turned out surprisingly well, but my victory was often off-set by my host’s disappointment or downright refusal to taste the item once it was prepared.

 

Despite my reservations, I was back in the kitchen a few days ago, preparing nachos for my host family, telling myself that regardless of the potential disaster before me, this is a good-will gesture and an opportunity, in the least, to spend quality time with my host mother. The fact that I can’t talk them into buying the appropriate amount of cheese is beside the point. My expectation that, like before, my project may be whisked out of my hands half-completed, and we could end up sitting around the table eating bread, should not be a concern to me. Even though it is in my nature to want each culinary creation to be perfect, I have to recognize that perfection in this scenario is an impossibility, not to mention inconsequential.  So with that, bring on the Azeri nachos!

 

 

The issue of cultural integration, especially gender roles, has been something I have struggled to reconcile since arriving in in September. Back home, I was essentially raised to be a feminist (i.e. an independent and strong woman, who truly believes she I can do almost anything as well as a man and doesn’t let perceived gender roles get in the way of her dreams). That is exactly how I ended up where I am now – by stubbornly following my highest expectations for myself and focusing on my pursuing my dreams when many Azeris would argue I should have been starting a family. It is in this aspect of my personality that I have found the most resistance to fully integrate into Azerbaijani culture (by saying this, I am not saying there is something wrong with Azeri culture, just very different than what I am used to), yet it is also what I believe to be the very best of what I have to offer this country.  

 

During my pre-service training, I had very few interactions with local Azerbaijani men and when I did come in contact with them, I shied away from interactions because I didn’t know how to act. I looked them straight in the eyes, but I perfected my “go to hell” look and even learned how to perform any number of business transactions in a rather unfriendly way (a challenge, to say the least, for a mid-westerner!). In short, I spent my first 3 months in-country being intimidated by men, not because I believed they were better than me or had different rights than women but because I simply didn’t know what to do with them. 

 

After moving to Mingachevir in December, I found myself on the brink of an important decision: I could spend the next two years of my life quieting my sincerest beliefs, disrespecting myself and failing to effectively interact with half of my community (and the majority of my coworkers), or I could disregard all of that and just be myself. Not surprisingly, I have opted for the latter and for the first time in months feel comfortable with where I am and what I have to offer the people (particularly women) of Azerbaijan!

 

As a foreign coworker told me recently, the fact that we are different is exactly what makes us special - that we can inspire change, we can show people through our actions that things could be different, that we can start to raise questions in people’s minds about how life should be. Working in a foreign company, I’ve found that I can accomplish a lot more in the way of relationship-building and learning the business by showing the men in the office that I am strong and capable. The alternative is to spend the next two years cleaning their tea cups and never seeing half of the business because it has been perceived as “man’s work.”

 

In the past few weeks, my entire outlook has changed! And I think I am already starting to inspire some questioning of gender roles. I march into men-only meetings and tea breaks I’m not invited to. I debate my host father on the rights of a woman and refuse to bring him tea (with my host mother and sisters jeering quietly in the background), and I take every opportunity I can to show men and women alike that I am not afraid to be myself. Even when I get “looks” from timid women as I chat with male bus drivers or shop owners, I am setting an example. I am hopefully, in the least, causing them to realize that customs are different elsewhere. I am not saying I do anything to disrespect the culture or ruin my reputation, but I am simply living my life the way I believe is right, regardless of what country I am in. And I believe that is exactly what I (and all of us volunteers – male and female) have to offer!

Although is considered a democratic country, a recent government decision has given some cause for alarm by democracy-lovers everywhere: Azerbaijan’s National Television and Radio Council has decided not to renew the broadcasting licenses for foreign radio stations Radio Liberty and Voice of America (American government- supported projects) and the BBC. This means that even though we still enjoy full access (from what I can tell) to internet and satellite television, the radio waves in are going to be more restrictive from now on.

This decision has been met with staunch internal and external criticism. The U.S. State Department released the following statement: “We deeply regret Azerbaijan’s decision not to renew the broadcasting licenses of Radio Liberty, Voice of America and the BBC. These media organizations play a crucial role in supporting democratic debate and the free exchange of ideas and information. This decision, if carried out, will represent a serious setback to freedom of speech, and retard democratic reform in Azerbaijan.” Internally, a few opposition political parties have made public statements on the issue. The National Independence Party of Azerbaijan, for example, lamented, "It is necessary to respect basic human rights. These radio stations are widely recognized in the Azerbaijani society and they functioned for strengthening democracy. Restricting their broadcasting means restricting information.”

 

What does this mean exactly? It is yet to be determined. Nixing three foreign radio stations is one thing, but if the government decides to go after television or internet, we could have a much bigger issue on our hands.

I arrived back in Mingachevir Friday afternoon after spending the New Year's holiday in Baku with 20-something other Peace Corps volunteers. It was nice to see friends again and have some time with Americans. We ate falafal, Indian food and pasta and went to a few expat (expatriot - that means, someone living in a foreign country) hang-outs, including a fabulous but expensive coffee shop, an anomaly since you can usually only find instant coffee around Azerbaijan.

Despite a blizzard on Thursday, I walk around the shopping district and was able to find a few clothing items. This is important since I find it hard to find clothing or shoes that fit in the other cities since many Azeris (particularly young ones) are rather small. It's funny, I've always considered myself a rather normal size (both weight and height) but here I almost feel like a giant, towering several inches over everyone else in the bus or not finding one shirt in a store that would come close to fitting me. I've realized that my trips to Baku and internet shopping are going to be my only hope for looking professional and replenishing my stock while I'm here.

Today is my first day back in the office, and I am looking to January to become more settled in at work and at home. This is a process that takes times, particularly when you are surrounded by a language and culture that are so very different than your own. It is an accomplishment to get across even the most basic point or finish even the most remedial task. Take showering, for example: I am aiming for showering twice a week. Of course, I'd love to shower more often but since the gas supply for my apartment building is irregular, the whole family struggles with finding times that we can heat the water sufficiently. When the weather wasn't quite as cold, I was opting for lukewarm showers, but when the inside of the apartment is consistently in the 50's, a cold shower is miserable. This morning, we all woke up rather early, showered and went back to bed. I'm hoping that little things like this will settle out as I am able to better express myself and learn how to overcome some challenges or inconveniences.  

I expected Christmas in Muslim country to be, well, different, and it definitely was! Instead of spending the day with family, gorging myself on traditional Christmas foods, exchanging gifts and listening to cheesy Christmas music, I spent it in a town that didn’t even realize what an important day it was for a few of its inhabitants. Nevertheless, we Peace Corps volunteers had a nice day sitting in Cindy’s one-bedroom apartment, eating brunch and playing games. We ate no traditional Christmas goods. We exchanged no gifts. And we had no Christmas music. But we had each other, which was enough to help us get through the holiday without dwelling on the fact that we were far away from our families and homes.

 

And we had a 2-foot tall Christmas tree in Cindy’s apartment. Even though Azerbaijanis don’t celebrate Christmas, a few weeks ago we began to notice Christmas decorations being set up around the city. One of the main squares boasts a towering, decorated tree and kiosks along the road sell plastic trees and decorations – including Santa ornaments and even a few stockings that say “Merry Christmas.” Nevertheless, all of this is not done for Christmas. It is for the New Year’s celebrations next week and most Azeris would look at you blankly if you mentioned anything about Christmas. New Year’s celebrations are apparently a big deal in , and I look forward to spending them in , meeting up with many of my friends, next week.

 

So even though there was no recognition of Christmas outside of Cindy’s apartment, we are still enjoying Christmas (or should I say “New Year’s?”) decorations throughout the city!

After three months of training and limited internet access, I am happy to say I am once again connected to the "real world" and look forward to communicating to many of you more regularly via this blog and email.

 

Last Wednesday, we Peace Corps Azerbaijan trainees were officially sworn in as volunteers and headed off to all corners (well, except for the occupied territories) of the country to our permanent assignments. As you may know, I am a Community Economic Development volunteer (don't ask me to say it in Azeri - it is long!). I will live in 's fourth largest city, Mingachevir, for the next two years to work at AccessBank, one of 's largest and most successful banks. I am blessed to have 7 other American volunteers stationed here in Mingachevir and a number of expatriots (from various countries) working at the headquarters office of AccessBank.

 

The local branch office of the bank here in Mingachevir is a brand-new, beautiful building, where I have my own cubicle with computer and internet next to a window and heater. I think it is by far the most modern set-up any of us volunteers have, and AccessBank's general manager (the big boss) wants me to come to the main office in Baku, the capital, regularly as well as do some traveling to other branches to help out. They essentially want me to work as a consultant, helping the employees learn English and western business skills (like customer service and marketing). This is an amazing professional opportunity for me, too - AccessBank's shareholders are completely international and it is branching out to other countries around this region and . The Peace Corps volunteer from the previous group who was assigned to this bank was actually offered a full-time job at the main office in and is now one of my counterparts. With all of this, all I can say is that God knew exactly what would be best for me and what I could handle - let's face it, I never considered myself high-maintenance, but when many volunteers are rationing out wood for the winter and walking across the yard to the squat toilet, I am ridiculously lucky!

 

I will live with a host family in Mingachevir the first 4 months and afterwards, I will be allowed to try to find my own apartment. My host family (a mother, father, and two 20-something daughters) is nice and the accomodations are good (we have a washing machine, satellite TV and I get a hot shower about every 3 days) although we live in a small space (luckily, it is a Peace Corps requirement that I have my own room), and it is a challenge to get used to living with people again and them trying to tell you what to do. I complain, but I really shouldn't - compared to 90% of Peace Corps volunteers, I have a great set-up.

 

Now that I have internet access again, feel free to email me. Of course, I'll keep posting blogs and photos here.

Just a quick note before I head off to our swearing-in ceremony this afternoon: yesterday at our last day of training sessions and meetings, we voted on 6 people to represent the 61 new volunteers on a Volunteer Advisory Council (VAC). I was selected to be one!

The VAC meets with Peace Corps Azerbaijan staff and management once a quarter to address various issues and concerns raised by volunteers with the aim of generally improving the way Peace Corps Azerbaijan functions and interacts with its volunteers. Our first meeting will be in March. Since I think I am fairly good at raising concerns and brainstorming potential solutions in a professional way (no jeering at this!), I am excited to represent the over 100 volunteers in Azerbaijan on this special council!

This week all 61 trainees who first met in Philadelphia on September 20th and touched down on Azerbaijani soil on September 24th will scatter to regions throughout Azerbaijan to serve for the next 24 months. On Wednesday afternoon -- after 11 weeks of language and technical training, first experiences living with an Azeri family, and lots of bonding -- we will be sworn in as the 6th group of Peace Corps volunteers in Azerbaijan!

 

Although there is naturally some nervousness associated with moving away from our friends and what has become a  relatively normal life for us, I am definitely excited to begin doing what I came here to do! As many of you know, I will be moving to Mingachevir, Azerbaijan's fourth largest city, to work at a local branch of AccessBank, one of Azerbaijan's largest banks. AccessBank is a fully functional bank -- and through the next 2 years, I will hopefully have the opportunity to learn many of its functions -- but its specific focus is small loans to individuals and small businesses. This is an amazing professional opportunity for me, and I know the next two years hold a plethora of opportunities to help others and influence positive change in this developing country.

 

I will be able to talk a lot more about my work at the bank and out in the community as it unfolds. Luckily, I will have internet access at the bank too, which means I will be able to be in touch much more regularly through this blog, email, and Skype.

 

Language Test Results: last Friday we had language proficiency exams, and I scored "Intermediate High," which is (from what I know) the highest score being given to trainees at this point! I am fairly happy with my progress with the lanugage thus far and have already arranged a language tutor in Mingachevir, so that I can continue to improve. Until I am fluent, my ability to help will be somewhat limited, so it is incredibly important (for my productivity and my sanity) to keep plugging along! 

Within two weeks of being sworn in as an official Peace Corps volunteer, we have been busy lately! As many of you know, in a few weeks I will be moving to Mingachevir, Azerbaijan's fourth largest city to work at AccessBank, one of Azerbaijan's largest banks. Last week we trainees were given an opportunity to travel to our future sites to spend a few days getting to know our new host families, organizations and towns.

I am extremely lucky to have been chosen for a beautiful and relatively modern town which currently houses 4 volunteers and will welcome 3 fabulous trainess in addition to me. That means, when many Peace Corps volunteers are serving all alone in towns far away, I will be in a town of 100,000 with 7 other Peace Corps volunteers! Also, Mingachevir will soon receive two Italian volunteers through the European Volunteer Service for a 9-month period.  

I spent last Wednesday at the local branch of AccessBank, drinking tea and talking with people (as best I could) and watching the 23 employees at work. Everyone seems really welcoming so far and several have pretty decent English. The branch manager, in particular, went out of his way to show me how excited they are to have my help and to lecture the men in the office (around 17) about treating me with respect!

The rest of my time in Mingachevir was spent hanging out with my new host family. I will live with this host family for the next four months at which time I will be able to look for my own housing. In a relatively small apartment, there is a father, mother and two daughters (21- and 23-years old). I am particularly excited that the eldest daughter, Ulvya, teaches English to middle school-aged kids and speaks wonderful English. I already know we are going to be great friends! Despite its size, I think the apartment will be very comfortable and boasts several amenities I have not have the past two months, such as a heater, a real shower, a washing machine and satelline TV with a few English channels! Plus, interestingly enough, Alexis (my friend, current neighbor and fellow CED trainee) will also live about 2 minutes away from me again in Mingachevir.

This Wednesday, I went to Baku for a few hours to meet with AccessBank's General Manager and meet the employees at the head office. It seems that they are very impressed with my resume and past experience and think that I will be able to contribute in many ways. In fact, he told me I will be acting, in many ways, like a consultant and will be able to pick some special projects in addition to working with both headquarters and my local branch. In fact, I may be travelling fairly regularly to Baku and nearby branches to help with English instruction and other business training/ consulting activities.  The bank has had a Peace Corps volunteer before, so it seems like they understand well what we are and are not. In fact, a former volunteer will actually be my contact at headquarters and will help me manage projects to help the bank as a whole. To be honest, I am so thrilled about this opportunity and believe this could provide some amazing experience in a number of fields, including general business, banking, micro-finance (this is what the bank specializes in), development work!

I have posted some pictures of my trip to Mingachevir last week on the photo portion of this blog. There are also pictures of my news digs, so check them out!

Today is my 30th birthday. Last night as I lay in bed (under my gigantic Peace Corps-provided sleeping bag) watching a movie on my laptop with simaltaneous Russian and English audio (that is about the only way to get anything "in English" here. You actually learn to tune out the Russian after awhile), I counted away my last moments as a twenty-something. I am surprisingly calmly welcoming a new decade and recognizing that I've come to an age that in my childhood I never actually saw myself reaching (you know how when you are 9, you can't imagine anything beyond mid-twenties?). "I'm 30." I've got to get used to saying that. Indeed, even as I am surrounded by many early-20s volunteers, being 30 just doesn't really seem that old or horrible anymore.

 

In fact, I've come to the conclusion over the last year or two that I am grateful to be at an age, where I can be confident in myself and in my place in life. I don't envy those 21-year-olds, who are still struggling with accepting who they are or what they are doing or turning the most insignificant things into sources of immense drama or pain. I am glad to be at an age where I have a certain amount of perspective and, most importantly, a certain sense of peace.

 

Today, I am celebrating my birthday in the best way I can muster -- given certain constraints. I skipped language class this morning with a friend (4 hours a day, 6 days a week gets old pretty fast!) and slept in before coming into Sumgayit to play around on the internet and, later, meet up with friends. There won't be a fancy party. In fact, I'm sure I'll be home by 8p.m. (since Peace Corps rules state we are not supposed to be out after dark), but it will be a lot of fun kicking back with the many people I've come to know as friends over the past 2 months.

 

Tomorrow a group of girlfriends and I are heading back to Baku (only about an hour by bus) to spend the night in a hotel and enjoy some good food (Azeri food, although tasty, does not offer much variety, so at this point, we are all looking forward to international cuisine of some sort) and good company.  As strange as this may sound, I also hope to drop off a bag of clothes at a laundromat since hand-washing and outside drying seems to make the clothes smell worse than how they started. Hey, I'm just psyched to be able to take my first real shower since I've been here! (Small victories!)

 

I want to thank so many of you for your thoughts and warm wishes and assure you that I am doing just fine over here! It is going to be a great day, a great weekend, and a great 26 days until I finish training, am sworn in as an official volunteer and start my new life in Mingechevir. :) 

Yesterday was our first opportunity to visit the capital of Azerbaijan, Baku. I've posted some pictures of our trip on the photo portion of this website. It is a huge, crowded, exciting city, which reminded me of any European city with beautiful, historic architecture, a variety of things to see and do, and surprisingly, a drastic difference from most of the rest of the country. Baku has recently enjoyed an influx of an insane amount of oil money, which means that there is a great disparity between the uber-rich oil tycoons of Azerbaijan and the regular folk. I will get into that more later as I discuss my role, and that of my organization, in giving opportunities to individuals and small businesses with loans and education. In the meantime, I am enjoying a few trips to Baku (only about an hour from Sumgayit), where we have a little more freedom to do as we please, eat a greater variety of foods and enjoy the city-life. My birthday is this Friday and I plan on celebrating by staying overnight with some friends.

Today was an incredibly important day for me for two reasons. Firstly, I woke this morning to learn that the 44th President of the United States had been chosen yesterday! This is not only a monumental occasion for American history but will also determine the trajectory of world events and shape life as we know it in all corners of the world. Many Azeris are curious to learn about American politics and, more specifically, to hear how Obama's policies might shape Azerbaijan's relations with the United States. It is a great opportunity for us volunteers to share information about the U.S. with locals (one of the Peace Corps's objectives, in fact) and watch American history unveiling from afar. I must admit, however, that I am a little disappointed to be so far removed from the election festivities after having lived in the midst of them (D.C.) for the last election.

 

Secondly, and one more closely impacting my immediate future, we were told today where we will live and work for the next 2 years. On December 11th, I will move to the city of Mingechevir, Azerbaijan's fourth largest city, to work at the Micro Finance Bank of Azerbaijan (ACCESSBank). I encourage you to read about Mingechevir (various English spellings) on Wikipedia (www.wikipedia.com) and visit ACCESSBank's website (www.AccessBank.az).  I hope to have more time to blog soon about my expectations for my new life. In fact, I may be meeting a counterpart from the bank on Friday.

I'm starting to feel guilty about my last posting and the negative perception I may have given of Azerbaijan, its people and, in general, my experiences here. It is almost embarrassing to think that so many of you commend me for joining Peace Corps when, in fact, I feel anything but noble right now. In reality, I feel like a spoiled brat for complaining about half of the things that bother me each day. I joined the Peace Corps -- not the Posh Corps. I moved to a developing country to help people in need -- not to have the comforts of home and to live a luxurious lifestyle. If that is what I want, I might as well move back home or to Western Europe because that is not what I signed up for. I signed up for uncomfortable situations and challenging circumstances with the end reward of personal growth and, hopefully, making some sort of impact in the world. 

 

Well, that is culture shock, and I've got it big time. I've surprised myself recently with the amount of negativity and frustration I have felt. Suddenly, the newness and curiosity has worn off and I am stressed, frustrated and tired. Each day is a mental struggle in staying positive and keeping the right perspective on the situation -- reminding myself that I came here for something bigger than comfort and convenience.  Just as important, I sometimes find myself going against one of my own greatest beliefs: that we must not judge another culture (because there is no right and wrong in this scenario). Each day, in my longing for something that feels like home, I find myself criticizing what I have here, which I admit, is the wrong attitude. All I can say is that this is something I am working hard to become better at and excuse myself for only being human!

 

Quick Update: We had mid-term language proficiency interviews this week, and I did pretty well by scoring an Intermediate Low. We still have so much more of the language to learn and understand, but I am very committed to becoming fluent and am doing my best to find free time to study and practice. Besides that, we find out next week where we will be permanently assigned, which we are all in great suspense about! On one hand, I will be so relieved to have training under my belt and to have successfully completed "boot camp." On the other hand, that will be a challenging and intimidating time as we move away from the big group of Americans and really have to acclimate into a community and work situation.

Dedicating two years of service to working in a developing country is a sacrifice, yet I somehow failed to envision the exact level of inconvenience and utter grotesqueness I would be subject to during my two years in the Peace Corps. Every day I grow closer to being able to embrace the living conditions here and to laugh off uncomfortable, awkward, annoying and outright disgusting circumstances I am faced with each day. In my first month in-country, I've discovered how ridiculously high-maintenance I am compared to millions of people all over the world, who survive with far less than most Americans enjoy. I always prided myself in being relatively easy-going, but it is dire times as these that we see our true selves... and my true self wants to live in a sanitized bubble for the rest of my days! (just kidding, of course)

 

I've mentioned before that I've been surprised with the level of "uncleanliness" I've encountered here, and I'd like to illustrate in more detail exactly what I mean. By doing this, I am not trying to criticize anyone but just point out drastic differences compared to the way I am accustomed.

 

1. I use a bucket and a ladle to clean myself each day. Sometimes, when I am lucky, my host family has lit the water heater and I get warm water. Other times I decide to sacrifice wamth for cleanliness. I feel a bit guilty everytime I do this since it is obvious my host family does not bathe as often, and I fear I am using precious water, but ultimately, my selfishness comes out in my inability to go more than two days without some form of bath. A note: it is ridiculously hard to wash long hair in a bucket of about 5 cups of water!

 

2. I wash my clothes in that same bucket (often in cold water) and at this point, I have completely forgotten what it smells like to have fresh clothes. No matter how much detergent I put in the bucket, after the clothes have hung outside in the polluted air, they smell anything but fresh. My host family laughs at my attempt to manually wash clothes. I'm thinking of finding a laundromat in Baku as a birthday present to myself!

 

3. Since my community does not have paved roads, mud has become a constant nuisance during this rainy fall. Even when it is not raining, the dirt roads have a way of making their mark of every piece of clothing you own. If not that, the walls and floors in buildings (like our school) have so much dust or grime on them that I am continually looking down to see smudges all over my clothes. To my dismay, Azeris somehow clean their shoes and clothes continually throughout the way as to always look clean and fresh when I am struggling to do the same.

 

4. I'll be blunt: bathrooms here are absolutely grotesque. Imagine the worse bathroom you can and then multiply the filth by 10. That is probably an exact replica of the bathroom in the school where we have our language lessons. I literally have to cover my nose with a scented Kleenex starting halfway down the hall and hold my breathe inside in order to not pass out. The sight, smell, everything is just gross... I won't get any more graphic than that. Also, most toilets here are squat toilets (i.e. hole in the ground). Thank God my host family has a real one (albeit without a toilet seat but, at this point, who cares?!)!

 

5. Bugs. This has not been a horrendous issue but because it is something recently on my mind I have to say it. Remember I am deathly afraid of spiders? Well, my host family believes spiders bring good luck and, therefore, lets them live inside the house. Don't tell, I kill them when they aren't looking! At any given time, there are about 5 spiders living in our bathroom. And now, in the past few days, we've developed a bit of an ant problem where we keep the bread and my host mother (because there wasn't any else) gave me bread with ants on it this morning for breakfast. I'm not talking one ant; I mean a colony. I wouldn't eat the bread and asked her to make me eggs, which she proceeded to recommend that I eat with the bread. I know she was just concerned about me having something to eat. I politely asked for a fork.

 

So, that's just a small glimpse into the less-than-pleasant living conditions I find myself in. Again, I don't mean to criticize anyone and don't want you readers to get the impression that people here are unclean. It is just a difference in living style and culture and (I think) says wonders for the kind of life they've been forced to get accustomed living. I try to laugh off these incidences and use them to remind myself that there is so much here I can do to help!  

. . . with training, that is! We are close to the mid-term mark in our Pre-Service Training. Tomorrow we meet individually with our program manager (mine being the Community Economic Development Program) to discuss our preferences for permanent site placement (that is, where we will be living and working for the next two years). Then, Friday are our mid-term language proficiency exams.

 

This week is going much better than last... I was able to take some time to recuperate from my cold this weekend and feel relatively confident for the language exams later this week. Also, a group of us Christian volunteers got together on Sunday for a "bible study" and have decided to meet each Sunday of training for some Christian support, discussion, etc. Next Sunday, I am presenting a podcast from NCC (my church in DC).

 

Thanks to many of you who have posted kind words about my having a bad week last week! I appreciate your encouragement (and God knows, I need it sometimes!). My big concern for this week is, of course, the language exam on Friday and, even more important in my mind,  the Peace Corps staffs' selection of my permanent site placement. I pray that I will be placed in the right place for me, one that matches up with where I might be able to best serve and would feel most comfortable.

I have to be honest in saying that this has been a tough week. For starters, I developed a cold walking around in the cold and rain of Sheki, which has only gotten worse over the past few days since we have little downtime. They are really starting to pile on the projects, and between 4 hours of language a day and CED and other meetings, we have very little time to complete assignments much less really have time for ourselves. Our mid-term language proficiency exams are next week, and I've been trying to put in at least a little time each day reviewing language. I can't complain in that regard, though, because my language is coming along pretty well.

Next week we start short practicums (internships) with organizations in Sumgayit. I am joining 2 other CED volunteers to work at the Ministry of Youth and Sport. We are going to teach them English and have a couple of assignments related to learning what they do and how they operate. That'll be fun but also intimidating because of the language barrier!   

 

Oh, by far the worse thing that has happened to me this week (and then I promise to stop complaining) is that I dropped my cell phone in water and have to buy a new one. Luckily, this was the one I had in Italy (not brand new) but still annoying. Only one month in, and I broke something!

 

In general, I'm getting more acclimated in the culture. I am trying to say hello to women in my community (not appropriate to talk to men) and would really like to offer English classes at the school where we study (if we only had time!). We've learned how to bargain for prices in stores and how to interact with various people around town. I'm slowly getting used to the different living standards although I'll admit I am still struggling with the "cleanliness" issue... that is, hardly anything in this country really meets the standard of cleanliness that I would prefer, but I am trying to embrace this as something good to overcome. I would give anything for clothes that actually smell clean, though! Oh, and a real shower!

 

In short, still hanging in there but could use your thoughts and prayers in the coming weeks. We've been told that this training period is boot camp and if we can get through this, our actual assignment will be much easier.   

This past weekend all 61 of us trainees went to visit various volunteers at their sites around Azerbaijan. It was an opportunity for us to meet and learn from some of the volunteers who have been in-country for over a year and see firsthand what they do everyday. I went to Sheki with 3 other trainees and stayed with another CED volunteer, Carly. Sheki is a beautiful, historic town, which reminded me in many ways of southern Germany. The town is tucked away in the mountains and boasts more historic architecture than most Azeri towns. Although it rained part of the time, we were busy walking around town seeing the sites, including the Karavansaray (Caravan Palace) and Xan Saray (Khan's Palace) and visiting local organizations and schools that Carly works with. In the evenings, we got together with the other volunteers (a total of 7) who live nearby for American food and a chance to hear about their experiences, achievements, challenges, etc.

It was a nice break from training and being cooped up inside and was helpful in giving us an idea of what our lives as a volunteer may be like! I've posted some pictures on photo gallery portion of this site.

I've survived my first week with my host family and things have gone surprisingly well! I apologize in advance that it looks like I may only have internet access once per week and it will be slow and unpredictable. I'll do my best to do a bit of a brain-dump whenever I have the chance.

 

There is so much to tell; I hardly know where to start! I moved in with my host family (a single mother with 20 and 23-year-old daughters) Saturday afternoon. Ana (mother in Azeri) and her daughters Ella and Leyla are incredibly hospitable and welcoming and go out of their way to make sure I have what I need and am comfortable. We live in an apartment (about 1000 sq. ft.) in a small community with basically one dirt road, several apartment buildings, a school and a few small stores. It is by far the most rustic setting I've ever called home. My big thrill was to find that we have a real flushing toilet (not particularly common here) even if it doesn't have a toilet seat and there isn't always toilet paper. We have to manually light a hot water heater for water, which means that you avoid bathing everyday or embrace doing it with cold water. My family was overly concerned last night that I washed my hair in the sink with cold water, but I had gotten to a point of filth that it just didn't matter!

 

My cluster group (3 ladies besides myself) and our Language and Cross-Cultural Facilitator (LCF) Elshad work on language 4 hours a day in a room at the local school, then we either have projects or assignments to work on or get together with all the other Community Economic Development (CED) trainees for professional training. We are starting to develop a bit of a routine, which is helpful.

Honestly, I don't feel like I have gone through much culture shock just yet (I know it is coming) even with so many drastic changes in my environment. We girls can't really loiter around town (not appropriate or safe for women) and since our town is so ridiculously small anyway, I've started to feel a bit restricted and confined. Luckily, Elshad bends over backwords to make sure we are comfortable and quickly addresses any issues that may arise.

 

I apologize for not having any pictures posted just yet, but they have actually been rather hard to acquire. It is not culturally appropriate for women to look directly at men they do not know, which makes picture-taking hard. I'm trying to secretively gather a stash to post soon!

Welcome, friends and family! Peace Corps stipulates that blogs that discuss our experiences in Peace Corps be password-protected. I apologize for the inconvenience and appreciate your interest in hearing about my experiences in Azerbaijan!