Braukmann Jensen Family - braukmannjensenfamily

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Car Seat Trial.jpg
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Growing, growing, growing!
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... and more growing!
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The boys love their speedracer track!
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"Our soooooo cool hairdos ..."
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... just like Matt's hair!
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Baby Jamison Elyse
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The past week was a week of both big and little milestones. Reese had his first t-ball game yesterday. He was so much fun to watch. He was already proving himself to be an amazing little baseball player. He batted the first home run of the game and had multiple doubles and triples. He was definitely the "little coach" out on the field. He didn’t hesitate to let all of the other players know where they needed to be throwing the ball – which was, right to "me, me, me," since he was all over the field. Little Mr. Reese thinks that he IS the entire team. It was pretty cute to watch, but I think that all of us adults are going to have to teach him a little about teamwork. It’ll be fun to see how the season unfolds. He is already saying that he should "really be playing coach-pitch baseball." I have to confess, I agree. All of those hours of playing baseball since he was a year old are paying off. Levi didn’t have a whole lot of interest in the game, but he wanted to make sure that there were pictures of him too – we have had a little big brother and little sister jealousy. Of course, it is hard for a 3 year old who has had to adjust to the welcoming of his sister into the world, and all of the attention his big brother gets. I remind myself to make sure that Levi gets plenty of his own attention – and lots of chocolate and lucky charms, since those are his favorites (but not too much, because naptime is quite the adventure then).

Jamison had a big week, too, as she turned one month old. She is trying to find her thumb, and as you can see from some of the pictures, she actually does find it sometimes. It’s pretty cute to see her sucking on her little thumb. She is so much more awake now, and those big blue eyes stare at me many hours a day. Her dad really misses being able to see her all day long. He said yesterday, when we finally got home at 8:30 after Reese’s baseball game, got the boys tucked into bed, and he was able to sit down – talk to her and rock her – that he never wanted to go until 9 at night without holding his little daughter again. The bond between dad and daughter is already so evident. This is one little girl that has taken over her dad’s heart. We’re placing wagers on her weight today, since she has a doctor’s appointment, and I think we may be up to a whole 6 ½ pounds. Wow! We’ve come a long way in the past month.

For fear that I will forget, and knowing how quickly time passes, I knew that I needed to journal some of my memories of how much my life has changed in the past three weeks.  The birth of my baby girl has been, all at the same time, life-changing, extraordinarily joyous, replete with sadness, full of unknowns, and a reminder of all that matters.  Here are a few things I hope to never forget:

 

My water breaking.  The sterile hospital bathroom.  The pain and fear of childbirth, and knowing, and yet not knowing, that it was all too early.  Realizing how it really was too early, realizing that with so much clarity, when she was surrounded by so many NICU nurses and taken away.  Just wanting it to be over, and not knowing that, when it was, I would wish that I could go back in time. 

 

Seeing my baby girl for the first time in the NICU -- I could never have imagined what it would be like to see my little 4 pound daughter for the first time, hooked up to breathing machines, tubes down her throat, a tiny IV in her baby hands, laying in a warming table.  Machines breathing for her, machines feeding her, machines regulating everything about her environment.  Doctors and nurses trying to explain how she'd be fed, why we couldn't hold her, and what would enable her to breathe and grow.  The guilt as a mother, the fear of what would happen, the sadness on her father's face -- I will never forget.

 

Jamison's "Raptor Cry" -- Since the first day of her life, Matt has referred to Jamison as his little raptor.  Her first cries, that I heard in the NICU, when I stood in front of the warming bed she was in, were just as Matt described -- like a far-off raptor in the sky.  I don't think we'll ever have those cries back, and I don't ever want to forget them.    

 

Changing her in the incubator -- My baby girl being moved to the incubator after 2 days in a warming bed.  We learned to change her in the incubator, with all of her tubes everywhere, through two little holes in the front of the incubator.  We learned to watch the temperature of the incubator religously, remembering to close it each time we took her in and out.  It was her "grow box."  Only Matt and Tido would think of that. 

 

All of the many alarms, constantly going off, beeping, watching everything about her.  I'll never hear another alarm without thinking of the NICU. 

 

Arms and legs so thin, so missing in baby fat, that I now realized what a baby looked like in utero.  Never realizing how thin she would be.  Everything was there, in its entirety, and yet it wasn't, as it was only skin and bone.   

 

Seeing her for the first time with an IV in her tiny little head.  Watching her hair begin to grow in around that spot, once her IV was gone.  The bruises on her hands and feet from the other IVs.  Wondering how a nurse even gets an IV in those tiny veins.  Listening as nurses put an IV in another baby, days later, and realizing just how horrible it is to do.  Hearing that baby crying, and realizing that's what my baby girl had done -- and I just hadn't heard it.  I wasn't there.   

 

So many hours of pumping.  So many, knowing it was best for my little girl, yet wanting to quit.  Middle of the night, tears pouring out, crying that someone else was feeding my daughter. 

 

All of the talks her Dad and I had in the hospital cafeteria.  Sharing our fears, our most personal thoughts, emotions, and wishes for the future.  So many times that I said I was sorry.    

 

Being recognized by the hospital staff, being thankful for all that they were doing, but wishing we never had to see them again. 

 

Jamison being moved to a bassinet crib, and surpassing her birth weight.  Sitting in that non-rocking recliner, and just hoping that there were no more alarms that day.  Diaper changes with tiny diapers, learning to take her temperature, feeding, pumping, feeding, pumping, and more of the same, day after day, hour after hour.   

 

Washing our hands until our skin was so dry -- will I ever forget the smell of that hospital soap?  I smelled it on my hands at night, when I was sitting in bed, wishing for my little girl to be home, and it reminded me of her.  Matt's hands dried out until he had a rash everywhere.   

 

Knowing it didn't matter to me, at all, what the outcome was of the case I was supposed to be trying.  Knowing that it was that trial, it was my unwielding "devotion" to endless hours of work, allowing myself to be taken advantage of, not setting boundaries, and not having my priorities right -- knowing, without a doubt, that it had caused what we three were going through.  Promising, to myself, to my husband, and to my little baby girl -- promising that I would never allow something like this to happen again.  Wondering why I hadn't thought about her little body in mine, why I hadn't imagined what would happen.   

 

Leaving at night.  Crying the entire way home.

 

Her "neighbors."  So much worse off than her.  Knowing they wouldn't go home until after we did.  So many with parents that were never there.  Laughing with Judy over Shoulderblade's paternity issues.

 

Taking her temperature, so many times a day.  Watching her realize that it was "her time," once I woke her up, every 3 hours for her feedings.  Wondering if she knew who we were.  Realizing that she did. 

 

The hospital band that became so saturated that I couldn't read what it had originally said on it.  Not even needing to show it any longer, because everyone knew who we were. 

 

Kind Becky.  Dr. Seger with her German accent.  So many nurses that cared for her that I never knew their names -- but, caring so much what they had written from the night before on her board. 

 

Being downgraded from a penthouse suite to a studio, as Matt called it, when her triplet neighbors arrived. 

 

Newborn outfits that had no way of fitting her tiny body.  Realizing that there were even more tiny infants born, in that NICU, and in so many NICU's everywhere, that were so much worse off.  

 

Matt's "accident," when he took care of her all on his own, when I went to court.  His first time changing his daughter, and how I never would have known what happened by the time I got back. 

 

Unrelenting intrusions from work.  Needing to be protective of our space.  Knowing how hard that would be to do.    

 

Telling Matt we got to take her home.  Wondering why I was scared, when I'd done this twice before.  Realizing I'd never done "this" before at all.   

 

Holding her, off the monitors, for the first time, in the family suite.  The thin sheets, the many hospital interruptions.  Wishing to be home.  Knowing we'd be home in such a short time.   

 

Fatigue so heavy that my entire body ached.  A headache that never went away. 

 

Realizing that my life was never really complete, without her, and wondering how I never knew that before.  Knowing I could love a little girl as much as my two little boys.  Realizing with absolute clarity every reason that her father needed her.  Knowing I did too.

 

I hope I never forget these things.  They are my reminder of all that should matter, that does matter. 

Yesterday was the day we had been waiting for -- Jamison got to come home with us.  After two weeks in the NICU, the doctors said she was doing so well that she didn't have to stay any longer.  We spent our first night at home as a family of three last night, and while it was a very long night, we are so happy to all be at home together.  The boys will be joining us in just a couple of days, and we can't wait for them to meet their baby sister for the first time. 

 

Jamison continues to grow every day.  She had some good 15 minute stretches of awake time today, where she was alert and looking all around.  She sleeps a large portion of the day, and much of that today was in her little baby wrap close to her Mom.  I'm not sure that I'll ever be putting her down, now that she had to spend the first 2 weeks of her life laying in an incubator in a NICU the entire time. 

 

We can't wait to see what the next few months brings us! 

This week brought an unexpected arrival to this world -- a few weeks earlier than we had anticipated.  Jamison Elyse entered the world on March 17th at 4 lbs. 12 ounces, 18.5 inches long.  She is already demonstrating such a little fighter spirit.  It has been a very hard week for us, as Jamison had to leave us immediately to go the NICU.  She has been in the NICU since her birth, and I don't think either of us could have imagined how hard it would be.  To not be able to hold your baby in your arms after birth, to leave the hospital without her -- the sadness we feel about it is impossible to put into words.  But, in the three days since she has been born, she is doing better each hour.  Matt and I are on round-the-clock feedings, and "care times" for her, and we are spending almost all of our time in the hospital.  We are already becoming quite acquainted with the NICU staff, who are doing an amazing job caring for her.  If there is anything I think we have learned in the past three days, it is how quickly things can change in life, and how much we need to appreciate the time we have with those we love, because you can never predict what will happen.  Thankfully, it looks like our little girl will be just fine, but it is a good reminder of how precious life is. 

 

It looks like Jamison will be in the NICU for a few weeks, but if she continues growing and doing well each day, it may be possible for us to bring her home earlier.  We're keeping our fingers crossed that she continues to do well, and we'll make sure to update everyone.  Lots of love to our family and friends!   

We're having some fun in the month of January!  Reese and Levi received a very cool speedracer track from Matt's nieces Hannah and Megan and nephew Nick.  We played with the track for hours and hours this week.  It's fun having new cousins that buy you really cool gifts!  Baby Jamison is growing sooooo much and it's obvious that pregnancy is here fully and completely -- around to stay for at least another couple of months. 

 

Earlier this week, Reese and Levi decided that they wanted a "hairdo" just like Matt has.  So, Matt fixed them up with their very own spikey "dos," and they loved it.  As you can especially see from Reese's expression, he was pretty thrilled with his spikey hair. 

2009 has started out pretty much how 2008 ended -- very busy and with a lot to look forward to.  Baby Jamison Elyse is due in April, although we're not sure we're going to make it that long.  She seems to already be wanting to enter the world.  However, doctor's orders for bed rest for Mom is helping that situation, and we're hoping to make it to a healthy and full-term pregnancy.  It's taking a lot of discipline, and frankly, a very diligent Dad -- constant reminders to "not pick up Levi," "rest," and "cut down on work."  It's a challenge, to say the least, especially since my first two week long trial is set in just about 6 weeks.  That, and trying to prepare for a little time off after Jamison is born, is really making for a busy litigation schedule for me right now.  But, we're all trying to remember that a healthy baby is the priority. 

 

Reese and Levi are taking their first international trip this week, with their Dad and Shannon, and we're expecting them to come back fluent in Spanish.  If Levi can just learn the word for "potty," and start following through with it -- we'd all be veeeeeerrrrry relieved.  They are doing so well -- Reese is growing into quite the little boy, and Levi is his usual rambunctious self.  These days, we're very excited for the new season of American Idol, which makes for a fun family evening a few times a week.  The boys just moved into a room together, and with their sports theme, they are really enjoying their new room.  As Levi says, it's a good "bruvers" room.  Levi asks where Grandma and Grandpa are on almost a daily basis, and I know they'll be so happy when Grandma and Grandpa return from Arizona.  We're hoping for a visit from Tanner, Beth, and Mia sometime in the next few months, since it's been too long since we've all seen each other.   

 

Happy New Year to all!  Many blessings your way!