31
In Spoken English class, we were talking about a "Healsssy Lifestyle," also known as a healthy lifestyle. During the second half of class, students were given 15-20 minutes to work in small groups, role-playing doctors and patients, talking about having a healthy lifestyle. Then volunteers performed for the class. One boy, Chinese Dragon, had his turn to be the patient. He stuffed his rolled textbook inside his jacket and walked into the "doctor's office" as though very uncomfortable. Upon being asked what the problem was, he replied, "Oh, Dah-kuh-tuh, I'm afraid I'm preej-ant." The class responded like a bunch of eager baby birds, "Who is da fadah? Who is da fadah?" to which Chinese Dragon replied, "I was rapened on a dahk night. Rapened? Yah, rapened. Do you know?"
30
On the day we paid our water bill for last year, we subsequently went to give back the keys for our old apartment. After we turned in the keys, we remembered that our water meter can only be checked from inside the apartment. Curious as to how they knew how much water we used before anyone received keys to enter our apartment, we called our head to ask. After explaining the situation, he simply replied, “We guessed.” Things that just wouldn’t fly in America.
29
Austin had his students write stories about someone with a disability. He got some nice results. Story: “Austin had a big problem. He was blind. He had a big difficulty in shopping. Why? Because he was blind. For example, he went to buy some books. Why he will buy a book is only because he was a humorous man. He touch each book. Oh no! ‘They are the same!’ And then he was realize he was blind. The business man laugh at him. But he isn’t care about it."
28
After asking students to write stories about students with disabilities and giving them 10-15 minutes, one of Austin’s students turned in this paper: “Alice have a big problem. She is bie (blind). Game over.”
27
Another story in response to the story lesson on people with disabilities. A boy wrote this story: “I have a very bad disable but I need to face the fact I can’t watch TV three hours a week. The witch say if I watch TV more than three hours a week, I will get marry with an old and ugly man. I was afraid about that, so I watch TV one hours a week. One day my father was interview by CCTV-1. I think I need watch it end. But the talk show until three hour, I broke the rule. No, I will get marry with a old, ugly man. I was so sad. I go to sleep with tear. When I get up, NO! I see Obama lying on my left. My sky go to dark. He laugh at me, “Hehe, you are my wife, don’t be shy.”
26
We have this one student who, quite honestly, is not only poor at English, but also at communication in general. Whether we’re speaking Chinese or English, the message never gets across. He usually explains something then asks “Ka-lee-ah?” which is Chinese English for “Clear?” So the other day we were in a taxi with him, and he said something like, “If I work there but they don’t pay me money, the other workers will something something something. Ka-lee-ah?” He seemed to think that he’d given his explanation justice. The two of us were laughing so hard in the back seat but trying to hold it in as we said, “No. Could you explain it again?” Oh, communication.
25
We thought this article was so like China and good for a chuckle! http://shanghaiist.com/2011/06/03/the_wonderful_thing_about_tiggers.php
24
We were on our way to a bus stop with a student to catch a bus to his house. We saw the bus pull into the stop when we were still a ways off. Knowing we’d have to wait quite a while if we missed this bus, the two of us broke into a jog. Our student rebuked us: “No, no, No need to hurry.” Literally no more than 10 seconds later, he started running. He said, “Okay, we should run now.”
23
Bethany sent the school an e-mail asking for students’ Chinese English teachers to talk with them about respect, asking students to listen when it’s time to listen as they do with their native teachers. The teachers were outraged that students hadn’t been respecting her and spoke with students harshly. Students responded with extra enthusiasm, hanging out the windows shouting to Bethany, “We love you!” “Thank you for coming to China!” “We really really love English!” “You are more and more beautiful!” (x 1300 students). During the next week, Bethany received several letters of apology, a few gifts, vows from students to “protect you,” and even a comic strip showing a good student using an ax to butcher a student who was being mean to Bethany.
22
We received a calendar for the year 2011. It provides Chinese & English tips/horoscopes. For January, under the romance category, it warns: “Love relationship is in harmony. However, efforts are needed to maintain this bondage.” Bondage. Did they mean to write that?
21
We got this e-mail from an unidentified student who has communicated with us in a series of e-mails, all with the subject “Letter to the Bethang.” This one was particularly amusing. We have no idea what it is about; it was obviously written using a poor translating tool. “Wow, that definitely this winter had a great you happy, then you go traveling it? Could I see next photo. Two days ago I went to a traditional Chinese wedding, there are many rules, I feel so troublesome, the bride placed a red envelope to wear slippers at the door, but also walked the family side of the Sami.” I looked back and we’d also gotten this one earlier “Bethany, you are now doing? Long time no see you and your wife both in the school, is it not go on vacation? We all want you, oh.”
20
We had an absolutely disgusting dining experience, yet it was a whole lot of fun! We were invited to one of our student's homes and his dad introduced us to his rodent farm. Out back, he keeps about 100 fat part guinea-pig-looking, part rat-looking rodents. We got to look at them, hold them, and pet them... and then ingest them. He fried up some rodent meat, paws and all, and added some horse meat and goat stomach as side dishes.
19
Austin was teaching about New Year’s resolutions and was asking his students what theirs would be this year. One student said she wanted to save money. When Austin asked her what for, she hesitated for a little and then said, “cigarette”. Austin was a little surprised that this little Chinese girl wanted to save money for cigarettes, but he, nonetheless, launched into a mini lecture in Chinese about the dangers of smoking. The girl realizes what he is saying, gets real embarrassed, and says, “No! No! Secaret! Secaret!” Aaaahhh, a secret!
18
Bethany was teaching and one of her students came to the board to write something. As she was working, Bethany noticed the bottom of her sweatshirt had a great random English phrase on it. It said, “yo! I gots to bounce!” Inspirational.
17
We got this text from our tutor on Austin’s birthday: “Happy birthday to you every year! This message is forever! Wish you happy forever!” Way to cover yourself for life.
16
We also got this message indicative of so many texts we receive: “I went to music store at 11. tegether in the past? if not. I will waiting for you in the miusic store. because 12. we can go to hotel0rehearse.” What to do, what to do?
15
We were walking down the street the other day and saw a sweater mannequin outside a shop. She was wearing a red turtleneck sweater with lots of diamonds. In big diamond-studded letters, vertically written down the length of the shirt were the letters O-B-A-M-A. Throw that on my Christmas list!
14
Why is it that most of the best ones are about text messaging? We got this message after a Christmas party: “thanks for the great food thanks for the party thanks for inviting me thanks for having you as my best friends thanks for everything i feel so happy merry christmas to everyone !! and tomorrow do come when i call you ok?for i have the japanese test but after that i will call you and i have a surprise for you!!!hahah”
13
Bethany taught a lesson on manners in America. As she taught one of her top class who understood her English better than others, the class rang out with guilty exclamations of, “oh, I am so so sorry,” as she listed different rude behaviors such as commenting that someone’s home is small or calling someone sexy.
12
Our picture was taken with students to help advertise for the school. Other teachers told us it was to help create “propaganda” for the school, and often told us, “You are the propaganda.” One evening as we were walking on the other side of town, there were a series of small billboard-esque advertisements along the side of the road, including a picture of us.
11
Austin and Bethany get the following text message from an unknown number, “Hi, Bethany I HaVe StOOd in frOnt Of YOUr hOMe” Bethany, not really knowing exactly what it means, replies, “ok”. They go on eating dinner. A couple minutes later it dons on Austin what the message might have meant. He goes over and opens the front door and there is a student standing right outside, smiling in the dark. Kind of creepy.
10
Common phrases thrown out there:
“What do you think so?”
“What do you want to do something?”
When in doubt... just cover all the bases.
9
A phone message: May be the South Snake Hill. We think the hill is the tallest in Yizhou and we can close to nature. Time determined by your, because you are our protagonist.
8
One time we were walking and saw an ambulance with its lights flashing. When it saw a couple foreigners (us), they stopped at the corner so they could say hello.
7
We were drinking tea and talking to a guy in a drink shop with his baby. We asked if it was a boy or a girl. He then pulled down the kid’s pants to show us its male gender. The baby got this horrified look on its face and began crying. The dad immediately began laughing.
6
One class was playing twenty questions, trying to identify a certain person, place, or thing. We had been playing for twenty minutes but some students still did not understand the rules. One student asked, “Is it your mother?” Another student heard the word “mother” and shouted, “Do you love your mother?” Other students chimed in, “Do you love me? Who is your girlfriend?”
5
In a farming Jeopardy game, a student was asked, “what are five crops that your country produces?” In one class, the first answers to be shouted were, “Panda!... Dumpling!... Noodles!”
4
When naming things they would like to invent, one student said, “my mother!”
3
In a role playing situation in class, a student said: “I am very interested in your sister. Do you think we have a lot in common?” The response: “No! In fact, you do not. My brother is so excellent, but you are just so-so!”
2
After giving some cookies to a student when we heard he was sick, we get a text message later saying, “Thank you so much. Is this pizza?”
1
Students are asked to use “and so on” in a sentence. Student writes: “She likes women, and so on.” Then proudly sits down.