New Pics and Videos added 05/09/2012
Thank you for stopping by. Here you'll find updated pictures and news about me (Heather Montana), Timmy (The Wonder Dog-"TWD") and my horse Apache (The Super Horse "TSH")- we're pictured above. I started this picture sight back in July 2009 and it has been going ever since. It has grown and changed as I have. The pics in the section above are of me, Timmy The Wonder Dog and Apache The Super Horse. I change that last picture on the top right around with my latest favorite (that will fit in the space). The site averages 40+ viewer hits a day (Who are all you "lurkers" out there?!?! Drop in and say Hi!). Weekly updates are sent out to those who want to receive it. If you want to be added to the auto weekly site updates just let me know!
I do promise any picture posted on this site was taken by me (unless otherwise stated). I do my best to do as little "editing" to them as possible other than crop and adjust color as needed (sometimes the camera can't capture the colors the eye sees). When you live in a place this beautiful, not much "editing" is needed! If I've altered it at all, I'll say I did or stick it in the appropriate album indicating it's been fooled around with. I'm not the best photographer in the world and I don't have fancy cameras & equipment- but I DO have fun! When I'm lucky I catch a really good picture of something while doing it.
I make as many trips as possible out into the "Mother Land" of Montana to see and try to capture the beauty God created. My sidekick Timmy (The Wonder Dog) and my (Super Horse) Apache often go along for the fun. I head out all seasons and am fortunate to see some jaw dropping beauty, funny things, unusual scenes, wildlife and every now and then- some things that just make you say, "WOW". I try to stick to the beauty of nature but every now and then I'll find some man made or man influenced things that are beautiful too.
This is my therapy. I go out and experience nature and capture its images to remind myself (and others) that despite the ugly things in this world- beauty or funny things are there there if you'll get off your butt and look for them. When I'm lucky enough to get a picture of it, it's an honor to share it with you so you can see what I do.
From this site you can just drop in and look at my latest adventures or you can even order prints of any pictures you like! I'm not making a penny off this (it's actually costing me money!). I do this to bring a smile, share the beauty with those who may not be able to see what I see and to give everyone the reminder that no matter how bad things are- focus on the beauty.
***If you are a publisher of any sort or intend to download my pics FOR ANY TYPE OF PROFIT MAKING OR PUBLICATION OF ANY TYPE, YOU DO NOT HAVE MY PERMISSION TO DO SO. YOU MUST CONTACT ME FIRST AND OBTAIN PERMISSION***. Failing to do so WILL result in immediate legal actions.
In any place I go, I make sure it is left in better condition than when I arrived. I pack out any trash I find and do my best not to disturb the plants and wildlife. To the private ranchers and organizations that have allowed me special access to their lands to photograph the beauty they are fortunate enough to be the stewards of- thank you again! I am honored and I hope my pictures come close to capturing what the real beauty is.
Visit regularly! Pictures, videos & journals are usually updated every week! Sometimes daily depending on what I get myself into! If you want to be added to the weekly automatic updates that are sent out every Sunday (if there's anything new added to the site) just email me and I'll add you on! You can take yourself off at any time!
Please feel free to leave comments under any pictures and in any sections. I love hearing from you! In order to leave a comment you have to join the site- but its FREE!! You can even make your own Shutterfly page like this!*NOTE: When you go to leave a comment and it asks for your email and password information- this means the password you used for making a free shutterfly membership (not your personal email account password).
Best to you all,
Heather Montana, Timmy (TWD) & Apache (TSH)
If you have any questions, ect.- you can reach me by email at:
iprefertheuglytruthnolies@yahoo.com
*If you want to save, download, print any pictures or things found on this site- Shutterfly offers this ability at really affordable prices like 15 cents for a 4x6 print! You can make photo books, calendars, heck- even a coffee mug if you want with any of the pictures here! No, I don't make a penny off of any of it- I do this just to share what I get to see.
P.S.- There is no spell check on this site (or I can't find it). So, I apologize for any errors! Feel free to let me know of any you find and I'll get it fixed!
The video is kind of dark, but I wanted to caputure the sounds the cows and calves make to each other in a "where are you" aspect. They will call out and answer with pretty cute squeaks and sounds that almost sound like a cat or bird. I've also heard them make barking noises when alarmed. The cow and calves I videoed earlier in the day joined in with this herd. There were about 40 of them. I sat and watched them for about 4 hours. I'd rather sit and watch elk just grazing and doing their thing for 4 hours than sit in my recliner and watch TV. This is real.
For literally years I have been trying to capture Apache's sleeping routine on camera but something has always happened to get in the way. Either he caught me trying to catch him, he decided to wake up, some noise caught his attention, etc. YEARS! Finally I got it- well, at least some of his nappy time moves. For those that don't know- horses can sleep standing up. They do lie down sometimes but it is usually only for about 30 minutes and then they get up. It may have something to do with being a prey animal. Anyway, Apache clearly fights the effort it takes to lie down most of the time. Even when his bobbing and weaving almost has him there anyway. Ya just want to yell at him, "Oh come on! Just lie down already!". The best pose I have seen him land in so far was his nose to the ground with both front legs kneeling- it looked like he was praying. I was laughing too hard and forgot to get the camera. Some day though....some day! Notice the lip smacking at the end here- he must have been drooling too....
Who needs hockey pucks when you have frozen horse poo? Keep in mind the ice covered driveway has a plethora of limbs, rocks and random debris nicely frozen into it as well. This isn't some zamboni smoothed skating wonderland! Give me some credit here man!
While out hiking, Timmy and I came across an elk carcass that had been picked pretty clean. It's unusual to find one still intact. They are usually picked apart and the bones strewn about by predators and birds. I got a picture of the ivory tooth that elk have. They are often used in jewelry and Native Americans use them to adorn tribal dresses. I left it where it was since there was still a slight stink going on.
I'm not sure what it is about this picture that I love most- the lighting on his face or the fluidity of the horseshoe from his hand. Oh, wait, I've got it- it's the mountain in the background. Grin. I heart mountains.
This was just a weird clump of decayed logs and land. In my weird head, it looks like a little figure riding a strange squid faced creature. I should do less drugs.... kidding- just say no!!!
Sometimes you just have to be in the right place at the right time. A thunderstorm had just passed through and the Timmy and I were parked in a parking lot and looked over. Whallah! A huge freakin rainbow. Then I noticed the American flag flying on the building in front of it. Just a perfect pair don't ya think?
I was walking over a ridge of tall grass to take a picture of a barn. The doe was lying in the grass right below me and jumped up and looked at me. The grass completely hid her until she stood up.
This paw is over 8 inches wide and each claw is longer than the fingers on my hand. The Lincoln, MT grizzly bear killed by a truck in 2007.
This is the Lincoln, MT grizzly bear that was killed when hit by a truck in 2007. He was killed 5 miles out of Lincoln as weighed 850 lbs. He stood 8 feet high when upright. He is displayed in the Forestry Service Office in Lincoln, MT. Yes, this is the same area I go hike to take pictures. Now you know why I carry bear spray? Just in case the bears like their food spicy :).
My favorite chicken. Her face looked like a hawk
I was traveling the Missouri River and got some pics of kids having fun on the rope swing and cliffs along the way. This kid got pretty high up there!
Freakin awesome!
All the rain and thunderstorms moving through Montana are sure making some pretty sunsets.
My "sighting in" set up- mostly "around the house" things used except the sandbag. The pillow isn't the most sturdy back rest, but it worked for the time being. The notebook is to record all the shots, corrections, weather conditions, positions, distances, etc. when sighting in. I also have the target information written down in the logs so I can throw the shot up targets away. And, of course the gun is cleaned after each use. I used the Winchester bullets for the "fun shots".
After sighting it in, I went for a fun kneeling shot
I like making my own targets. I draw them on 11x16.5 sheets of paper. They tend to run smaller (or much smaller) than store bought targets and makes it more of a challenge (if you don't have a huge range to shoot on, just make the targets smaller!). The blue piece they are attached to is 3' 6" wide X 2' 9" tall. You can get an idea how big the actual targets are in the next few pictures when I have a 6'' pen held up next to them. Only the middle target was shot prone (lying down) and braced for the sighting in of the scope. The rest were all shot unbraced, kneeling or standing from various distances.
I shot the ice block from across the hill. A piece of the ice frag ripped a hole in the elk siloutte.
My "human silouette" target. Smaller than normal size but fun to try & hit from distances. Three of the vital shots (2 chest & 1 head) were done kneeling (no supports) and the 3rd chest was done standing (no supports) at a far right angle from about 30 yards (90 feet) away. The 4 on the outside to the right are all from the hill (kneeling, no supports) at about 55-60 yards up a 35-45 degree slope. 2 made it in, but the other two were either too high (1st shot over compensating for possible drop) or too far off to the right and off to really do much (Apache started walking into the area-started worrying about frag possibly hitting him). I was also using different ammo than what I sighted in with (don't like wasting the expensive stuff for fun shots). So, that was my last shot.
The house fire I came up on with an unconscious man.
I swear I did not do this. I was driving around a backroad and the snowplow had piled the snow up. Now someone may have done this before I got there, but I thought it was really cool.
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!
I also wanted to wish a Happy Birthday to Vicky (my twin- she's the pretty one) and to Dr. Montana!!! Feel the love!!!!!
Hi All!
I don't often recommend things to others, but I thought I'd share this with you since I always have an ongoing search to learn more about people and why we do what we do. If you have not seen the documentary, "The Human Experience", I do recommend it. Its a couple years old. You may only find it at some rental place or Netflix- but it's worth watching. It will make you think, evaluate your life (what it is worth) and challenge you as to what is really important and are your excuses to things really valid.
You all have a SAFE and great 4th of July!!
Heather Montana
Wow, I have a lot of updates to get out!
First- let me clarify that I'm ok! In that last journal post of mine, several of you thought I had broken my nose again. Sorry for the confusion. Nope- I somehow managed to walk away with nothing broken this time! Thanks for worrying though!
Second- I wanted to give a moment to Jeri. Her husband- "Charlie the Hat Man" recently passed away. You are in our thoughts and prayers Jeri!
And, a final note to Marie and Zalo- SO GLAD YOU MADE IT!!! Welcome to America Zalo!!! Peru lost a good man!!!!
Smile people! Life is good!
Heather Montana
Thank you all for all your emails and comments about the latest pics and videos! SO GLAD you enjoy them or got a good laugh! I've upgraded to having a bigger video account so I plan to keep the video's coming! Any requests?? Let me know!
And, to answer a question I got- yes, my "smile" is crooked and I don't do that on purpose. As a little tyke (about 6 yrs old) I was playing padless tackle football (go figure) and managed to sever nerves in my face/neck. (Of course I kept playing!). Ever since those muscles that would normally work don't. Now I've got the Sylvester Stallone/David Koechner crooked mouth thing going on. It's just part of the uniqueness of me. If I had a perfect smile, then I wouldn't constantly look like I'm up to something. I like to keep people guessing. Grin (crookedly)
eh- not bad company!
I love your pictures! The motorcycle guys are HOT! You are so lucky to be around all that!
OK, I was a slacker and didn't get all the new pics for this week on here before it sent out the weekly update. Can you say food poisoning? Can I even begin to express how fun it has been? Can I tell you the joy in which I look forward to ever getting it again? Can you say sarcasm? I can. Actually, I just typed it... but anywho. Here's the new pics!
Marie- here's your spanish version of what I just said: Me esta sicko y el puko y tienes "intestinal speedway" por dos dias. Muchos fiestas!
Heather Montana
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARIE!!!
Wish I was there to give you a great big hug, a birthday margarita and take you to some eatery that would make you wear a stupid hat and have vocally challeged, puberty stricken youth sing to you!
Hey Beau M.- send me an email. I have some amazing news. Its up your ever searching informational path! AND- I'm going to have to admit I was WRONG and you were RIGHT. There I said it. Doesn't happen often :).
And Missy Marie- I don't have Skype because my computer still doesn't have a speaker or a video cam! :( Not only has it kept me from hearing your fantastic voice and charm, but it has pretty much killed my on line porn career. KIDDING PEOPLE! KIDDING! And, Marie- Since your birthday is coming up soon and your goal was to be perfectly fluent in Spanish by now (or YEARS AGO)- I fully expect your next message here to be in Espanol!!!
Dr. Montana- You give me way too much credit in the "smart" category. The temptation was there, but spending the money (I already didn't have) on all the pretty and shiny stuff just wouldn't be sensible with how I enjoy taking pictures. Maybe some day :).
Robbie- Thank you!! What I got in photography talent, God just gave you in charm and beauty :).
Joyce- I just found the place today (and of course it was closed).
What’s My Problem? Why, So Glad You Asked…
Some of you have picked up on my recent posts stating I was on an indefinite break and that I was taking a hiatus from life and people and asked why. For years I have struggled with what my purpose or role in life is supposed to be. I have struggled with how I am treated for the things I do. I have had many times where I have had to retreat away from everyone and everything to try and decipher my life and motivations, to try and make sense of things or just pray for answers I am looking for. This past month or more has been one of those times due to some really incredible crap I have had to endure again.
I say again because it appears to be a pattern in my life. When you start seeing patterns to things (especially stressful things), it behooves you to take the time to consider if you are the problem that causes these things to reoccur. This time I have come away with some pretty clear and definite answers for myself. I have clarity of who I am, why I do things the way I do and why I am treated the way I am. Here it is: I despise the human race and refuse to act like one of them.
Whoa!” you say! ”Despise the human race”! Yes, I despise the human race. Now, there’s always someone out there saying, “But not all people are bad” and “Aren’t you one?”. Yes, not ALL people are bad. But, the ones that are any good are hidden because they are so outnumbered. And yes, I am one of the species that I despise so much. If I could genetically change myself to something else I would; preferably a grizzly bear. Yes, there are some good people, but the maybe thousand of them that exist in the entire world are ridiculously outnumbered by the billions & billions of people that just suck.
I just have this growing disgust at the human race. People are so mean, cruel, petty, evil, hateful, selfish, stupid, and amazingly short sighted. The dictionary should be required to state the following for the definition of the human race: “Living creatures who’s narcissistic and intellectually retarded tendencies will cause them to either willingly or unconsciously destroy everything else around them leading to their own inevitable destruction.” We are just ridiculous creatures. We walk this earth as if we were the king of everything when we are really the dumbest things in existence.
We think we are so great because we invented cars, air conditioning, panty hose, electricity, oil refineries, etc. Really? What have we done with all of this? We’ve destroyed the very place we claim to reign. We’ve polluted the ground, water and air. We’re so smart but we kill millions of each other every year with wars, starvation, automobile crashes and diseases that the other so called smart people could give them medicine for but won’t out of greed. We kill, hurt, maim, torture and destroy each other in millions of other ways every day too; I didn’t mean to limit our ignorance and capabilities at just those few examples. I am just astounded daily at how can we be so “smart” but so ridiculously stupid at the same time.
We currently gage intelligence as being able to think quickly and with depth to get a brilliant or logical answer to something or at least make something that is a “mystery” make sense. We have philosophers, scientists, doctors, mathematicians, engineers, etc. all studying the world, universe and even ourselves. Some of them may have possibly come to the same conclusion I have about our species: “Despite us having wildly capable brains and limbs to perform amazingly complicated tasks and feats, we are so consumed with misdirected priorities, narcissism and a herd mentality that we should all be caged in a zoo and put on exhibit with the plaque outside the glass reading, “Human Beings. A primitive species not allowed to have tools or toys in their exhibit because they are too stupid not to kill themselves or each other with them. Exhibit closed from 1 pm to 4 pm daily to allow keepers to clean the exhibit area since the humans are too stupid or lazy to clean up after themselves””.
Maybe the real reason for the existence of the earth and why we haven’t found any other living things close to us in the universe is because we don’t play well with others. Maybe we were banned to a far, far away galaxy. That makes perfect sense to me. I would do that to us if I were an alien. Send us out to live in the back 40 so we can’t piss off or destroy our neighbors. I’m not sure their plan worked though. We’ve already started trying to escape and are ruining the neighborhood that earth lives in. We’ve launched moon missions, space probes and have done a fantastic job of scattering millions of items of space debris and trash to float amuck in the surrounding zero gravity. We have officially made space an extension of earth- a dump. The aliens are probably forming a committee on what to do. I would.
You’re probably saying, “Now, Heather you’re just over-reacting. You can’t really dislike the human race that much. Aren’t you forgetting all the good we do”? No, I see SOME good, but it is only on special occasions like lunar eclipses or leap year. I have two different versions of “good”. There’s “man-made” good and then there’s “real” good. “Man-Made” good is an act done to get a “positive” result. “Positive” being defined within the eye of the beholder (not mine). For example; “We enacted the Safe Place retreat program for school children. Please look for the Safe Place signs at local businesses and designated locations for school children to gather and hang out after school until their parents get home from work. We’re very proud of this program for helping keep kids safe and providing a real need for the community”. On the surface, this looks “good”.
I see things differently. I peel back the onion and look for the problem. The problem isn’t keeping kids safe; it’s the system in place that causes the problem- the scheduling of work hours and school that causes children and parents to have two different schedules. Here would be my solution for the “Real good”: “Today the city, along with all local business and schools have agreed on changing school and business hours. Schools will now be conducted at hours that will allow parents to drop off their children prior to going to work and pick them up after business hours have closed. For parents who’s hours are the exception to the normal business hours and unable to be flexed by their employers or parents who are unable to provide transportation, an employee(s) at each school has been designated for free pick-ups and drop offs. Free, structured, safe activities for the children will also be provided prior to the start of school and also until their parents are home if needed”. It could be done but we don’t. To me this would be “Real” good. It fixes the base problem.
For some reason, someone came up with the idea of mismatched schedules and sold it to people. How did we buy this? How did it become ok to make things so inconvenient and convince parents it was ok to leave their children at home unattended and unsupervised for hours at a time except for the company of a TV, MP3 player, video games, the internet, boredom and peer pressure? How is this good? The GOOD would be to put kids and their parents back on the same schedule and stop parents from having to struggle with the juggling of life priorities and the acceptance of absenteeism.
Other than parents who should never have produced offspring and aren’t really interested in their family, is there really any parent out there that wouldn’t rather have this type of schedule? What parent wouldn’t want the comfort of being able to drop off their kids and pick them up on their time and know that their child isn’t at home alone burning down the house trying to make macaroni and cheese or talking to a sexual deviant on an internet chat room while they are at work? Did you know that most states have no law setting a minimum age limit in which a child can be left home alone (not even being brave enough to state an infant can’t be) because of the restrictions it places on parents to be able to work or what they can afford to do? It’s left up to local child protection agencies and law enforcement to decide on a case by case basis IF a report of concern comes in. Does this make any sense to anyone?
We set up systems such as work and school but don’t think of how they are interconnected and what the ripple effect is. If we take away the stress and pressures of what these situations create, isn’t that better for everyone? And, maybe those parents who are so rotten at being parents (because their kids are so out of control from lack of supervision and structure) would even benefit from this and make it easier for them to grasp the family and parenting concepts?
That is how I see “real” good. Real good digs deep and looks at the catalyst to the symptoms that arise and fixes them. It’s not putting Band-Aids on the wounds that arise and calling the Band-Aids a cure. Do you know how to fix a nuclear reactor that has a melting core and is about to contaminate a region with radioactive waste? You don’t build it. The worst case scenario is well known before the reactor is ever built, yet we get convinced (by those who will benefit greatly from its creation but won’t live in the path of its destruction) that it won’t happen and we do it anyway. How do we get so dumbed-down that we can’t see and demand that the right thing occur?
“Real” good is few and far between in existence. “Real” good is something that is done with complete disregard to consequences, reward or permission for the sake of doing the right thing. So, in how I see “good”, good rarely happens. Instead of seeing what the right thing is and demanding that it happen, something always seems to get in the way.
Has anyone else considered what this world would be like today if we only had jobs or industry that focused on our BASIC needs and did so without polluting where we all live & distracting our priorities in the process? The vast majority of jobs today exist NOT to maintain or improve our health, lives or world but to only exist to entertain our misdirected and distracted minds or deal with the crap we have created for ourselves due to wrong priorities. If we took away the focus on movies, TV, music, radio, newspapers, magazines, internet, cable, sports superstars, cell phones, lawyers, law enforcement officers, probation, parole, courts, bail bonds, alcohol, drugs (RX & illegal), drug rehab centers, prisons, jails, gym memberships, diabetes, cancer, obesity, computers, I phones, I Pads, MP3 players, DVD players, 60 inch flat screen TVs, stereo systems, the latest fashions, the latest “as seen on TV” products, jewelry, etc.- what industry or jobs would be left?
Where did the basics go? Food, shelter, water, safety and exercise. If each of us got up every morning, tended to our own gardens, drank water from our own wells, composted our own waste, raised our own animals for consumption, raised and cared for our own families and gave any extras we had (including our time) to help others around us- we would have all that we needed. And, we would get plenty of exercise doing it. Since we don’t naturally grow “high fructose corn syrup” or aspartame in gardens, they wouldn’t exist. When you start peeling away the ridiculous layers to life we have created for ourselves as “must haves”, it gets to be a bit sickening. We have convinced ourselves that we need so much more than we really do and too many work themselves sick trying to achieve something they don’t even need.
We have been told we need a TV for every room, that we must have the latest in technology, that we must drive the latest cars, we must have the latest fashions, etc. We have been told we must be members of internet social networking sites to have friends, be seen or matter. By the way, the internet social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc. have ironically been the largest set-back for social interaction there has ever been. People have become socially inept at being able to hold an intelligent conversation, spell correctly or have the capacity to work out conflict should one arise. On the computer, you just “unfriend” someone and never have to deal with them again.
Here’s a harsh reality for many- A COMPUTER SCREEN is NOT SOCIAL INTERACTION. Your 2,000 “friends” that you have listed on your site ARE NOT REAL FRIENDS. When you are sitting at a computer screen or you are face first into your cell phone signed on to your accounts “chatting it up”, looking at or downloading pictures or cyber stalking others; you are regressing backwards in human interaction. These people are not face-to-face with you. Half or more of the things they are saying are lies or never happened and when the power goes out, where did your “friend’s” go?
The definition of “friend” needs to be altered to fit the current meaning: “A picture of a person or computer generated avatar titled with a really cool or ridiculous name followed by strings of misspelled or text typed words or sentences for the purpose of agreeing with everything you say, tell you the last time it had a bowel movement or a beer or to send you emotionally supportive graphics they have downloaded from other sites”. The TV show “Friend’s” wouldn’t fit the current definition because they all talked and interacted with each other face to face. In my day, a friend is someone you hung out with (sometimes on a daily basis), you could always trust, who stood by you no matter what and was probably the truest form of loyalty and companionship you could have because they were not obligated in any way to be there for you. They weren’t family, a boyfriend or girlfriend and you weren’t married to them. They could walk away from you at any time but chose not to because you just really liked who each other were. Just try and make that definition fit the “cyber friends” of today.
Continued in next journal entry #2. The text was too much for one to handle
Continuation of: What's My Problem? Why, So Glad You Asked... (Part 2)
Everything in the world has altered to this detached and dependent form of living. If you don’t think you are controlled with everything you do and everything you think you need to exist-just try this. Go ONE WEEK without going to a store of any kind and turn off the electricity (you might want to empty the fridge first). No TV, no radio, internet, no texting, no cell phone, etc. If you want to contact someone- write a letter. Just go one week with everything you have right now in your house. I don’t mean go out and stock up prior to doing it. Just try and go ONE WEEK without going to a grocery store, gas station, Wal-Mart, mall, oil change place or any other place where you have to buy something. See what happens when you run out of milk, gas, toilet paper, water, etc. Don’t forget, most household water is run by pump. When you turn off the electricity, your water eventually runs out. How are you going to flush that toilet now?
How are you going to get to work place without gas (at a job that was most likely created to deal with what we created)? How are you going to warm up that water for a shower? How are you going to cook? Cook what? How are you going to entertain yourself with no electronic gadgets to distract you and take up all of your time? Get what I’m trying to say? How long could you make it before you started panicking and thinking of ways to get things you would need to survive? I bet you wouldn’t be worried about your cable TV then. You’d be back to the basics of food, water, shelter and safety. But, this isn’t how we live because we have SO MUCH. We are way beyond food, water, shelter and safety. We have so much time and money to dedicate to other distractions because we aren’t focused on these things anymore. We take it for granted like it is a right rather than a privilege and like it can never disappear. Because we take them all for granted, we have lost the ability to understand what our excess has created. We don’t see nor care how the dots are connected.
If we just did all of this destruction to ourselves and we only suffered the consequences, maybe I wouldn’t be so upset. We’d eventually kill each and every one of us off; we’d do it to ourselves. But, we’re not the only recipients of our stupidity. Everything else on this earth suffers with us and they did nothing to deserve it. We poison their ground, water and skies too. We infest their DNA with chemicals and by-products of our crappy living habits. Bird’s eggs that are so thin from contaminants that they can’t support the chick so they crack open and die. We have three-legged frogs and sea turtles with cancerous tumors so big around their faces and bodies they can’t feed and starve to death. We have cows so sick from the unnatural diets they are fed that they have to be pumped full of antibiotics just to live long enough to be slaughtered.
We don’t stop at contaminating their habitats, we go messing with their genetics too. We clone, we genetically alter, we inbreed and we try our hand at creating the perfect pet. We cause so many genetic deformities in livestock and “pure bred” cat and dog species that they have to be put down or have to undergo operations just to be able to maintain a basic level of health. We create chickens and turkeys with body portions so overloaded in breast meat (the biggest selling portion on the market) that the animal literally cannot support its own body weight, can’t walk & will suffocate itself if not “harvested”. We create genetically“superior” salmon in fish farms to replace the free roaming salmon that we are killing off with pollutants and damming up their water ways. Oh, did I fail to mention that the farmed salmon are also playing a role in killing off the free roaming salmon by introducing and infesting them with parasites when they escape from the farms? We’re so smart.
We are supposedly this super-intelligent creature that creates its own way and by doing so we separate ourselves from the “animals”. That’s just completely stupid. We are the largest “herd” species on the planet. We are no different from a herd of wildebeest, zebra or pride of lions. We blindly follow the supposed “best” leaders around actually thinking they have our best interest in mind when actually they are doing the same thing as animal herd leaders. The animal herd leaders will take the best food, the best location, the best and safest watering place, is the top of the pecking order, will fight any challenger to its position, will cast out the weaklings and does all this to breed with whomever they want and get all the perks of the position. They don’t give a crap about the herd. Herd leaders don’t wait until everyone else has eaten and drank before they do. They go first. They don’t help or protect the sick or weak. They attack them and cast them out. They don’t protect all the young. They kill the ones they didn’t produce or kick them out of the herd the first chance they get. They don’t welcome in newcomers or someone challenging their position. They will fight them to the death. How are we any different? We’re not.
Let’s look at our “leaders”(Politicians, government, military, agency heads, industry leaders, etc.). The 1% that is rich beyond measure in money, power and authority. What do they have? It all. The rest of us are the herd that blindly follows them thinking they actually care about us. That would make no sense in the natural order of the herd. The leaders would be cutting their own throats to care about or do anything for us. But, because we are “so smart”, they have to find creative ways to make sure we don’t see that. In come the smoke and mirrors and lies to distract us from what is really going on. As long as they can keep us riled up about something (wars, murder, rape, the unstable money markets, etc.), scare us (“terrorist” activities, plane crashes, car wrecks, health hazards, etc.), weaken us (rising gas, electric, food and health care costs) or just flat out kill us (allowing ridiculously bad things to flow freely in our markets, deny us health care, etc.), we can’t take the time to focus on and see what is really going on. When we do have any free time, they want to make darn sure it is filled with the things THEY want us to focus on (controlled news media, sports, movies, designated vacation areas, TV, etc.). As long as they are waving shiny things in the right hand, we’re not paying attention to what the left hand is doing. The left hand is ensuring they stay at the top regardless of what the cost is to you.
If our leaders really cared about us, don’t you think the simple problem of obesity that is overwhelming many nations could be stopped? It could be. It would seem to be logical that if “leaders”cared about us, they would make sure we (the people they supposedly care about and represent) were healthy. But, as long as we are fat, lazy, unmotivated, falsely satiated, dying or just so sick from what we eat, then we can’t take the time to worry about what they are doing. Do our herd leaders really care? Do they really do anything to make us all better as a herd? No.
Just ask the homeless, those living in poverty despite the fact they work their fingers to the bone, the populations that rape, murder and starve their own kind (and the other countries that sit back and do nothing), the millions upon millions of people who die because a “leader” had the cure (food, water, medicine, protection, etc.) in hand but was too stingy to share, etc. Please explain to me how a field sits empty, the farmer gets paid “crop subsidies” not to grow something and meanwhile there are millions of starving & poor people that could sure use some good food. Does this make sense to anyone? Anyone who is not a leader I mean. WHY do we allow and tolerate this? And, by “good” food, I mean something Mother Nature created. Does anyone care that those living in the poverty levels spend most of their money on junk food (potato chips, processed foods, etc.) because it is CHEAPER than fresh vegetables and meats?
You don’t think all these contradictions of logic are by design? Really? Think about it. If you want to be rich and better than others, you must have a class of people below you to consider yourself that. How do you create that? People aren’t going to do that willingly! How about just start with the basics and work from there. Let’s start with food. If you are poor, by design, you get the worst food. So, if you are a child of poverty, your body and brain get crap and malnourishment because that’s the only thing you can afford. Meanwhile, the upper class gets fresh, better, unprocessed foods for their brains and bodies to function on.
It is a masterful web that has taken hundreds and even thousands of years to install. The rich have bought up all the land and markets, forced the poor into smaller and more crowded living spaces with no opportunities to grow their own things and wall-ah! Even better for them (the rich), now we have crowded, noisy, unsafe, unsanitary living conditions that work on destroying the lower class’ self-esteem, mental health and physical health even more. What a beautiful thing if you are the upper class. Not only are the lower classes LOWER than they are, but now the lower classes NEED the upper class for a hand outs (jobs, loans, credit, welfare, etc.) just to get by. The lower classes were created and maintained by the constant “grooming” of them to believe that is the only way it can be. Some have been groomed so well that they actually believe it is good for them. Some have been groomed so long that their ability to be responsible for themselves with no help from anyone is an unheard of concept.
But, it’s not just the poverty classes that are groomed. Unless you are in that top 1%, we all get groomed with the “shiny things”. All the distractions forced upon us: the fear, the weakening, the information handling and all the other distractions that keep us from really seeing what is happening. The 1% wag the dog. Do you really think it is right that a baseball player can make millions of dollars in a season for throwing a little white ball around while a police officer or fire fighter makes less than $30,000 a year? Who convinced us this was ok? How is this allowed? Where is the outrage? Sure, we all roll our eyes and make disgusted remarks every time we hear of yet another athlete who signed a contract for millions and millions of dollars, but how many of you are so disgusted that you refuse to watch the game? I refuse.
As long as someone is entertaining us and distracting us from our lives, we’re going to make them worth more. The leaders allow it, condone it, encourage it and are (no shock here) the owners of the vast majority & variety of “shiny things” that distract us from real life and turn our values & priorities upside down. I can guarantee you that if I had a check for a million dollars and got to pick if it went to a sports player on TV or a fire fighter who saved a child from a burning building, the sports player would not be it. Being “good” or self-sacrificing for others is not rewarded in our society. Why? Because if you are willing to stand up and do the right thing regardless of the possible consequences to you, you might figure things out. Even worse, you might tell someone else what is going on or convince them to do that too. That’s a potential wildfire. That is very threatening to the 1%.
I refuse to watch TV, read the newspapers, listen to radio, jump on the internet and get “informed” about all the world events, vote in elections, etc. Oh, do I hear the typical response of, “Well, if you don’t vote, then you can’t complain”! My response: Wake the hell up.
I refuse to be told what to think about and how to think it. I refuse to participate in an election process that has nothing to do with what the majority of the people want (or are told they want). The “electoral college” and electronic age has guaranteed the “people”will never be heard from again. Elections are bought and sold to the highest bidder of the latest trend of personal enrichment. PERIOD. If you think otherwise, you are completely in denial of what is really happening. Boy did I just piss off a lot of people here. OH WELL! Get mad at me for saying this if you want to. Just take your place in line with all the other people who don’t like the way I think.
If you actually think standing behind one politician or the next, one political party or the other or one agenda item or the next makes a $%^& bit of difference, you’re in denial. Go ahead and spend all your time getting riled up over the proposed party candidates and arguing with others about platforms, stances, etc. Just chalk yourself up as one of the members of the herd that is being distracted by shiny things. You are missing the point. It doesn’t matter what herd leader gets elected. He or she still isn’t going to give a crap about you. Their goal is to be the herd leader and get all the perks of that position. Their job in that position (to achieve their goal) is to convince you that you need them and keep your focus off what is really happening while they do it. Shiny things.
If or when the election process ever obtained integrity, then I would concern myself with it. But, that would mean when any U.S. citizen could run for the job, that it allowed NO money or financial backing, when the campaign advertising and debates are done for free and with no sponsors and when the Electoral College and voting districts are dismantled. Any person winning the election would do so based on their personal ideas and goals, not on a political party’s platform or through lobbyist efforts. The elected person would live solely on a salary based on the lowest minimum wage set within the 50 states and they would not be allowed to use or grow any personal assets while in term. It would be a position of sacrifice, not a herd leader. If you want the job, you would have to be willing to give things up, not rake things in.
So, what does all of this mean? In my mind, we are all &^%$#@. The mindless herd that follows the leaders are& ^%$#@ because they can’t see what is going on. The rouge animals that belong to the same species but refuse to join the herd as also &^%$#@. Why? Because they are not in the 1% and have no power, position or authority to fix it. Instead, we isolate ourselves from it and just become angrier and angrier watching all of it take place. We get enraged at the herd members who just can’t see it. We argue and plead for others to open their eyes and do something.
Every now and then a herd member will stop following long enough to have what appears to be a possible moment of awakening. However, fear overcomes and overwhelms them. They see too much of the truth too soon and have panic attacks and go through the stages of grief (anger, denial, bargaining, acceptance, etc.) rather than the stages of change. They realize how small, insignificant and powerless they are and are left with the final decision of what to do. They either have to invoke complete mental denial of what they just saw and rejoin the herd or face the scary unknown by becoming an outcast from the herd and trying to make it on their own. 99.9 % of the time, people rejoin the herd. Those of us who separated out are then scorned, punished, told we are crazy and that the leaders would never do that to us. We become the bad guys because we are reminders to the herd members of what the truth really is. If we didn’t exist, it would make it easier for them to be a herd member. It is so much easier to live in denial and follow others blindly rather than starting your own path based on the truth.
You may be asking yourself, “Well, how can she despise people so much but love animals. She compares us to a herd of them. So, if we are like animals, how can she despise us so much? Aren’t we as loveable as the animals then”? Nope. I despise people not because they act like animals, it’s because they think they don’t. It’s also because we claim to be smarter than animals but we do things that even animals wouldn’t do even with their “limited” intelligence.
I am a separated member of my species. I refuse to accept the herd rules. Therefore, I am an unwelcome existence to the herd members and the leaders alike. I am an unwelcome reminder of what the truth is. My actions are unwelcome because they put others first; that goes against the herd and especially the leaders. My kind, original or intelligent thoughts are unwelcome because they conflict with being selfish and the herd rule of being told what you need to think about and when. I believe I should be able to support myself and if I have any left over, I should give it to those who need it. No, no, don’t let that kind of thinking spread throughout the herd. That would dismantle everything.
My overall being is unwelcome because how I live is in constant conflict with everything the herd has been told is true or right. Every now and then, a bewildered herd member will even step out of the herd to kick me or run me down out of frustration and fear at what I say and do. They know it sounds and looks right and even makes sense, but the fact that it conflicts with the way of the herd scares them. The fact that it makes sense but they aren’t doing it makes them angry and forces them to question themselves. Instead of supporting me, they strike out in fear and anger to drive me even further away so they don’t have to deal with themselves.
So, in reality, what does this mean for me in my everyday living? I have grown too disillusioned with most people to want any interaction with them or want to be near them. I will not participate in talks about the government, religion, elections, the media, the woes of the world, etc. because my belief behind these things differs so greatly from others. Despite not trying to force my views down other’s throats and only standing up for what I believe I should do when the opportunities present themselves, I have become the target of anger, animosity, hatred, ridicule, scorn, scapegoated & attacked. Because I try to live within my means, I only have the things that I need. I give to those who need it. I treat others as I would want to be treated. I stand up and do the right thing even when I am the only one willing to do it. I am the herd outcast that is repeatedly kicked and chased down by the bewildered herd members who don’t want to face themselves for not doing it even when they know they should.
I do not date because finding someone who thinks like me is not likely to ever happen. I don’t have the tolerance to date someone who doesn’t feel the way I do because I see them as unable to think outside the herd. They won’t date me because they think I’m crazy for not thinking like the herd. And, because anyone who thinks the same way I do would be as isolated from others as I am and we would never be in the same place at the same time to actually meet. I know I will be alone for the rest of my life and I am ok with that.
I “hang out” with very few people. The few I respect, adore or even like are what I consider to be “good people”.They put others first. They have good hearts. They give and have no expectation of receiving. They would never intentionally do anything to anyone to hurt them. Even if they make mistakes, their intentions behind them were still good. There are so few of these people.
I work hours and days that conflict with the normal Mon-Fri 8 am to 5 pm schedule so when I have days and time off, I can spend them virtually “people free”. I can go somewhere and never see another person for hours and sometimes days if I don’t want to.
I live far away from “city life”. I don’t have to worry about neighbors with unruly children, loud music, drunken parties, barking dogs, trashy living, drug dealers, etc. I live isolated so only beauty and calm surrounds me. However, I still feel I don’t live isolated enough. Whenever I see a vehicle drive down my road that doesn’t belong to someone that lives further away from me, I get angry. I don’t want anyone out where I am unless they are invited or one of the “good” people that are welcome to stop in at any time. A remote location only accessible by helicopter or float plane would be fine by me.
My hobby is to find and take pictures of beautiful things to try and calm my heart and soul. By beautiful things, I mean things Mother Nature created. Scenery, animals and landscapes that take my breath away and make me feel privileged to be in the company of. I find very few man made things beautiful. In my attempt to give to others, I share what I am able to see on a website for free.
I am not a violent person. I don’t believe in violence to get your way or using it as the quick answer to a problem that could be resolved over time in some other way. However, I will protect myself and others with the amount of force necessary to stop what is happening or to get away, but that’s it. I don’t let my anger at the human race turn me into something I cannot respect. I don’t make bombs, I don’t murder, I don’t poison, I don’t plot, I don’t seek revenge, I don’t hold grudges, I don’t write underground newspapers, I don’t march in protests, I don’t write hate letters, I don’t threaten, etc. Why? Because it serves no logical purpose. The only thing I do is LIVE how I feel I should. BEING what you believe is the only way to exist. You will not convince others that things can or should be different if you are not showing them what it looks like or that it can be done.
It has taken me 44 years to come to this view. It is what I believe right now. I truly don’t care whether you agree with me or not. I don’t care whether you like me or not. Though I am always heartbroken and disappointed at the bewildered herd members that come after me to run me down or kick me because I am different, it is a fact of life I have now realized won’t stop happening. I will not rejoin the herd. I have seen its true nature and want nothing to do with it. It breaks my heart to see the billions of others just blindly following along- some even knowing the truth but they are too scared to stop.
So yes, I despise people. I despise their ignorance, their meanness, their selfishness and their weakness. To the aliens sitting on the committee wondering what you should do with us; there’s not enough good ones left to save. Do yourselves and the galaxy a favor; push the red button.
If any of what I have gone through has made me feel for even a second of what Jesus went through with being so hated, shunned and feared; I envy his resolve and strength to remain compassionate to those doing it to him. I’m NOTcomparing myself to Jesus. He was like no other. I could not do what he did because I do not have the support he had surrounding him nor the visible believers/supporters around to find validation anything I do. Not to mention the fact that I have not cured lepers, healed the blind nor turned water into wine. But, I do see similarities.
If it is true that Jesus would go to the mountains and spend days there alone, I think I know why. I can imagine the fits of rage he would allow himself to get out of his system, the words of incensed frustration he would yell out that he could not say to those he was trying to minister to because he didn’t want to lose their ear. I can imagine the tears, the pain, the hurt and the endless hours of prayer to his father for strength, direction and support.
I can imagine that maybe he had moments like I have had, wondering why it is worth caring about this species who are so barbaric, distracted and selfish. If Jesus looked up at the stars and yelled out, “Really God?! Really?! I’m supposed to love these assholes? I’m here to do what?? Can’t I work on convincing sharks to live out of the water instead? These people just don’t get it! I tell them! I show them! It doesn’t matter! They still act like a bunch of monkeys flinging crap at each other! Now the assholes want to bump me off because I’m a nice guy? Really?! Man, get me out of here”. Maybe Jesus didn’t run away from his impending murder because he was looking forward to death and the relief it would bring him. Who could blame him? What else did he have to look forward to? Holy suicide.
Somehow Jesus continued on with his unfailing beliefs, teachings, role modeling and unconditional love until the day he was murdered. He even knew he was going to be murdered for what he was doing and saying but continued to do it anyway. To me, that is what made him truly remarkable. Jesus was murdered for telling people to be nice, play well with others, be compassionate, don’t judge and share. He would be as much of an outcast today as he was then except I think he’d be murdered a little bit quicker today. I don’t believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins. I believe he was murdered because men (herd leaders and members) decided to go kick him because he laid out the truth for all to see. It was just easier for the herd leaders and members to kill Jesus rather than separate themselves from the herd or take the chance of other herd members finding out the truth.
The truth of the matter is, I don’t hate anyone. Despise and hate are not the same. I don’t even know if I have the capacity to hate. I just feel incredible sorrow & then become disgusted at the vast majority of people because they have no pride, no personal integrity, they run their lives based on fear, social pressures and they are too weak to do anything about it. I can’t change them so I want nothing to do with them. I don’t judge them but I also don’t condone what they do by saying it’s ok or by participating in it. I don’t know why I am different. But, it is all I know and can be with how I think and feel. I will not join the herd. And, I am not Jesus. I don’t see my role as trying to change the world or lead others. But, I will do the right thing when it is in front of me regardless of the cost to me or what others think. That is the only role I know and that comes naturally to me.
I’m not questioning any more where I fit in this world. I don’t fit. That is my answer. If I was a mean, hateful and selfish person, I would apologize for it. But, I’m not. I don’t think twice about running towards a dangerous situation to help a stranger. If someone truly needed something, I would give it to them or help them. If someone was being unfairly attacked, I would step in. I don’t let other people’s opinions or the fear of sacrifice stop me when I know what the right thing to do is. Ergo, I don’t fit in. If you don’t like me because I speak about our species in ways you don’t agree with, because I wish that people would treat each other with respect, dignity & fairness, because I don’t put money and power in front of compassion and empathy, because I don’t think material possessions are better than personal integrity or because I won’t play along and believe everything I am told- then too bad.
If you don’t like me, fear me, don’t agree with me, hate me or don’t understand me then by all means just keep doing what you’ve been doing to me. Talk trash about me, mock me, yell & scream at me, accuse me of false things, spread lies & false rumors, shun me, call me fat, say I am ugly, treat me as if I was stupid, throw trinkets my way because it makes you feel superior, call me inferior, plot against me, lash out to put me in my place, ridicule me, destroy and hurt the things I love, attack my efforts, make me invisible, pretend you don’t know me, threaten me, harm me, try to intimidate me, be cruel to me, don’t visit this site anymore, don’t contact me or only expect me to contact you, write me off and by all means run out from the herd and kick me. I’ve been dragging my cross along with me everywhere I go; all you have to do is nail me to it. Continue on doing whatever you have to do to make yourself feel better about who you are and what you do. But, I will not change for you.
For those few of you who love me, accept me and possibly even understand me, thank you.
Season 4 of the Big Bang Theory and Being an Asshole
I’ve recently been tested (and failed) and shown the value (or lack thereof) of doing wrong. OK, so I’m telling on myself here. I’m admitting to a wrong thing I was GOING to do and what happened because of it.
As most of you know, I don’t have TV reception, cable, internet, etc. I DO have a VCR/DVD player and a collection of movies and TV shows on tape/DVD. So, when I have down time, I’ll watch something. I tend to favor TV shows since they are shorter and not so much of my time seems wasted sitting on my ass in front of a TV screen. One of my favorite shows is the Big Bang Theory. I have the first 3 seasons of the show and have been anxiously awaiting the arrival of the 4th on DVD. I love it because they have great characters and hearing them speak about all the science stuff makes me feel like I might actually learn something in between laughs. Just for the record, my favorite is Sheldon.
Anyway, anytime I go to my local store that carries movies and DVDs, I check to see if they have the 4th season in. It never seemed to show up so I asked one of the clerks if they could look to see if it could be ordered. The clerk advised that for some reason the 4th season was “in moratorium” and none could be ordered. He accidentally told me that they did have one currently in the store from a customer that had ordered it (prior to the moratorium) but they had not picked it up yet.
Now, at this store when you order something, when it comes in they just stick it on a certain shelf with the order paper and the person’s name stuck on the side. When you go in to pick up your order, you just go to this shelf, get it and take it to the checkout line. You don’t have to have a clerk help you. They don’t even ask for ID or anything when you check out to make sure you are the person who ordered it. See where I am going here?
Season 4 was already there. Not only was it there, it was the ONLY copy for who knows how long! The wheels in my head started turning. It could be mine! All I had to do was take it off the customer order shelf!
I instantly felt guilty. I knew it was wrong. I felt like I would be stealing. Not as in stealing like not paying for it, but stealing as in it was not rightfully mine. The clerk who had helped me worked in that section and he knew I was looking for that set. He also knew the only one available was on the order shelf. And, he knew that I knew. My palms started to sweat.
I started the justifying talk that all criminals do with themselves to kill their conscious in order to do the criminalized task of their choice. Mine was to justify why it was OK for me to take someone else’s Season 4 order and pay for it as if it were my own. The talk went something like this:
Justification: “Hey, people have taken my orders before!”
Conscious yelling back: “Yeah and you thought they were assholes for doing it”.
Justification: “Hey, it’s not like I’m not paying for it”
Conscious yelling back: “It’s not YOURS to pay for. Jerk.”
Justification: “Hey, they probably have cable or internet and can watch the shows there!”
Conscious yelling back: “It’s not THEIR fault YOU don’t have those things. Ass.”
And, as the next round of banter was about to occur, elevator music began to play and the boy who looked like he was 16 years old but was proudly wearing the badge declaring him store manager announced over the speaker phone that the store was now closing. The clerk who had helped me was standing there looking at me. Damn. I couldn’t do it.
That night I left the store disappointed; both in myself and also in the fact I didn’t have the Season 4 set. I was torn. I wanted that set! If I didn’t get that one there was no telling when I would be able to order one since they were “in moratorium”. But, I was also disappointed in myself. Stealing someone else’s order? Really? Asshole.
I drove home and re-watched several old shows just to torture myself some more. Then, in the middle of the night the idea hit me. I could go back to the store the next day. The same clerk probably wasn’t going to be working and even if he is, he probably wouldn’t remember me or I could just wait until he wanders off and just snatch it off the shelf. I could get Season 4 yet if the person who ordered it hadn’t picked it up yet! For some reason that made my conscious feel .04% better because it gave the rightful owner additional hours to claim the set before I got there. But, for some reason that night I also dreamed of going to Hell.
The next day as I’m driving back to the store, I thought back to the last time I actually stole something. I remember it clearly- almost 25 years ago. I was still in my “stupid phase” and had stolen a small broach pin that I was going to give to a friend of mine because she liked the animal the pin was in the likeness of. I stole it from a little, small town antique store while passing through the town knowing I would never go back through again. It was only $6.00 but instead of paying the measly amount, I stole it.
I am thankful to say that event was the end of my “stupid phase”. No, I didn’t get caught. What DID happen is that my conscious finally decided to show up. I don’t know where it had been all those years but it showed up with a pissed off vengeance. It gnawed at me for days, made me lose sleep and then while looking in the mirror one day, I did not like the person staring back at me. I wasn’t a total jerk or horrible person, but I had a LOT of improvements to be made.
While looking in the mirror, I asked myself, “Self, what would she (the friend) think if I handed her this pin and told her I had stolen it for her?” My friend wasn’t exactly the epitome of righteousness either, but even she would have said, “What the hell?” I felt like the biggest asshole. A stolen gift? Really? What was next? Robbing banks so I could buy Christmas presents? No irony there, right?
I never gave her the pin. I just sat it on the table and for days I would walk by it and stare at it. I started thinking about the little antique store in the small town where the people running it were probably just trying to eek out a living. I really felt like an asshole. It was just a stupid pin! A $6.00 stupid pin! A $6.00 stupid pin that I had stolen to give to someone! It wasn’t even for me! I didn’t need it! They probably could have used that 6 bucks. Back then that was a gallon of milk, loaf of bread and some eggs. My God. Did I make their kids go hungry that week?
There it was. My conscious. It was alive! I was happy to see it but at the same time, I felt like the deer in the headlights that was attempting the disoriented duck and run in startled shock every time the Mack truck of guilt came crashing over me. What was this feeling?? Where in the hell did it come from?? What the hell do I do to get away from it?? Get it away from me!! Aaaaauuuuuggghhhhh!! Smash!
After I collided with my conscious, I knew what I had to do to make the guilt of being an asshole go away. I had to give the pin back. Not only did I have to give the pin back, but I had to apologize. Now, KNOWING what you have to do and talking yourself into actually doing it can be quite an entertaining tennis match to watch. I wish I could have separated from myself, popped some popcorn and sat back and watched the inner conflict play itself out. Long story short, “Player A” (the knowledge that if I gave the pin back and apologized it would make me admit I had been occupying this earth as a living douche bag) had its ass kicked by “Player B” (the now present desire not to be a douche bag).
However, “Player A” did make a valid point that I did steal and since it is illegal, I could face stiff consequences. “Player B” (after much discussion regarding lessons learned and the distance/time factor of the antique store location) compromised and the conclusion was that I was going to mail the pin back to the store with an apology letter (unsigned). And, so I did.
We all look for those moments in our lives where we can hopefully pinpoint when something about ourselves changed for the better. The moment I dropped that envelope in the mailbox, I felt a change. I felt proud of myself. I knew at that moment I would never be able to steal again. Or… so I thought.
Here I am 25 years later sitting in the parking lot of the store coming up with a plan on how I’m going to get that Season 4 DVD of the Big Bang Theory. All the “what if’s” ran through my head. What if the person who ordered it already came and picked it up? The thought of, “Whew! That would be great! Then I wouldn’t feel guilty!” instantly flew in. But, then I went on to, “What if it’s still there and when I go to pay for it they actually check the name and know it’s not mine?!”. I came up with the plan that I wouldn’t bring in any ID and only pay in cash so no names would be on anything. Wow. I’m such a genius criminal.
I’m actually breaking a sweat and my heart is pounding thinking of all this. I walk into the store and I have to check myself to see if my hands are shaking. Really? Again, it’s not like I’m stealing it from the store not paying for it! I’m JUST taking someone else’s TV show box set order! It’s not like it’s a life-saving medication I’m swooping in and denying them! (That’s what I keep telling myself in order to keep putting one foot in front of the other).
So, here I am lurking around the isle that has the shelf of customer ordered material. I might as well have had a trench coat, wig, glasses and a hat on. I was acting so abnormal and suspicious. Whenever someone would walk by I would instantly start looking somewhere else and wait until they left before I would go back and start looking for it again. It was like buying condoms or my only porno rental experience while in college. What a moron.
What made it worse is that I couldn’t find it. I kept going back and looking and looking and it wasn’t there! *&^%$#@!!!! The person that ordered it must have picked it up! At that moment I felt a wave of instant relief. Now I didn’t even have the CHANCE to swipe someone else’s order! Yeay! Saved from myself! So, being happy, I decided to go check out the shelf of on sale TV show episodes to see what might be worth having.
As I’m perusing all the choices, I come to my favorite Big Bang Theory section and smile at the already viewed choices they had on sale now. And then… there it was. Still in the “I’m new” industrial casing with a marked down sale sticker plastered boldly across it with the customer order paper marked through saying, “customer declined”. Season 4. SEASON 4!?!?!! WHAT THA?? There it was! The Season 4 set that I had tried to swipe off the customer order shelf! The person didn’t want it!! And, now it’s on the SALE RACK!!! OH MY GOD!!!
Oh my God. Did I feel like an asshole. I had gone in to swipe the thing when in reality, it didn’t need to be swiped! There it was! Available to anyone who wanted it and at a sale price!! OK wait, is this good or bad? Is God trying to reward me for not actually taking it last night? Well, wait, I actually didn’t really have the opportunity TO take it last night. But, if I HAD the opportunity, would I have taken it? Surely I would have since I drove back today to take it! I HAD gone to the shelf to take it but it just happened to not be there. If it HAD been there, would I have really taken it? Oh holy crap. I don’t even know what I would have done. Would my conscious have gotten the best of me? Would I have just left it there? Or, if I had taken it, would I have even enjoyed the shows knowing how I had gotten them?
I’m standing there staring at the sale rack looking at the now miracle of Season 4 of the Big Bang Theory being morally available to me and at a much reduced cost. And, I feel like an asshole. I can’t even enjoy the moment because I’m racked with guilt about what I had ALMOST DONE! Again, I don’t even know if I WOULD have done it, but I’m feeling guilty as hell anyway for even thinking about it and showing up to the store staking out the order shelf like a Season 4 crack whore.
After walking around the sale rack a couple of times like it was booby-trapped or something, I finally came to the conclusion that this was meant to be. Season 4 was meant to be mine. It was there, available to the public and on sale. What would be the point of NOT buying it? Teaching myself a lesson? What lesson? Don’t buy TV box sets you want that are available and on sale? That seemed to be an idiotic lesson. So, I bought it.
OK, here’s the lesson folks. NEVER and I mean NEVER assume that God doesn’t have his hand into everything. And, I mean EVERYTHING. No lesson is too big or too small. I pay for the Season 4 box set of bliss, drive home, open the industrial case with the 7,000 security sticky strips sealing it shut, pop the first disc into my DVD player and kick back in the recliner for one of those rare moments that I will actually enjoy sitting on my ass. The screen on the TV flashes up an error message that says, “Unable to read disc” and the DVD player ejects it out. I get up, dust it off and pop it back in thinking some dust got on it and the laser was having issues. For the second time, “Unable to read disc” shows up and it ejects it. I look at the disc. There are no scratches or anything but I notice it looks a little odd. It’s got a strange blue tint to it. I pick up the box set and read the banner across the front cover (that had been hidden under the marked out customer order paper and sale label) that says, “BLUE RAY DVD. Season 4 of the Big Bang Theory on Blue Ray DVD”.
My 8 year old DVD/VCR player doesn’t play Blue Ray DVDs. Neither does my computer.
Got me didn’t you Big Guy! I got the point. ALWAYS listen to your conscious. Don’t be an asshole. Don’t even THINK about being an asshole. You won’t be rewarded.
Heather Montana
(Former asshole & owner of Season 4 of the Big Bang Theory on Blue Ray if anyone wants them)
Everyone has a bucket list of some sort (you know, the list of things you want to accomplish or do before you take the final bear mauling of life).
I have many things on my list, one of which has been to take singing lessons. I have never sung in front of anyone in my life. Ever. Well, not where my voice could be distinguished from those drunken associates around me or wasn't so blared out by the loudness of the music that there was any way possible my single voice could be heard.
I'm not scared of singing in front of anyone. I (unlike most people) don't have a fear of public speaking or making an ass out of myself in front of the masses or strangers. I could stand on stage in a towel in front of the President and have a ball. I enjoy being an idiot and laughing at myself. Really, I'm that abnormal. But, the thing is, I don't know if I can sing. I have no idea if I suck or if maybe I'm any good. I've never had the occassion to find out. I've never had choir in school, sang in church, or ever done anything that most normal people might do in social or family settings. I went Christmas caroling one time but the wagon trailer full of people was so loud, I didn't even know if sound was actually coming out of my mouth or not. The most I've ever done is sing along to songs on the radio in my truck and since I usually don't travel with anyone other than Timmy, I don't know whether I suck or not. He's never howled, so maybe I'm not so bad?
What prompted this you may ask? Well, I'm working with kids. I tell them all the time to try new things and if they are bad at something to just keep trying until they feel they have absolutely done the best they can. Then even if they still suck, at least they know they tried their best.
These kids sing all the time. We'll be in the middle of something and one or two of them will just start singing out of no-where. There's no music or radio for music support or back up- they just go. Then all the rest will join in and this mini chorus will just go on and on, song after song. Some of them have really beautiful voices and I just sit back and admire the talent. Even the one's who's voices aren't the best still seem to know how to use them where they at least harmonize and fit in.
I haven't ever joined in with them (so far they haven't noticed) because I don't know whether my voice will sound like the fingers on the chalk board and make everyone come to a screeching halt, clasp their hands over their ears and start begging for death or what might happen. I don't want to bring down the moment if I do happen to suck. But, I feel like I'm not participating when I don't. It's time to follow my own advice and do something about it.
So, I met with my new singing teacher tonight to find out all about singing and what it takes. After agreeing to meet at a place that we both found out was closed when we pulled into the parking lot, I offered to buy him a beer at another location after making sure he was at least 21 since he looked like a baby. After we got to the local "cool" hang out establishment, even the bartender carded him so I didn't feel so bad after he told me he was 30. Great, insult the person who is going to tell you whether you suck or not. Nice way to start. He says he forgives me but we'll see.
So, for the next 2 hours he filled me in on what singing lessons are all about. WOW. I thought you just showed up in a sun dress with braided pig-tails and a little, old, grey haired lady with a ruler slaps you on your hand if you get off key singing the verses to "Doe, a Deer" from the Sound of Music. Yeah, so much for my versions of reality. We discussed having an "accompany" person who either played the piano or guitar, sheet music, what "genre" of music I was interested in singing and what my goals were in doing this. Holy cow. I'm glad I had beer.
When we got to the types or "genre" of music I wanted to sing in, I thought about all the cool theatrical and TV type musicals I had seen, the big fat opera singers whose powerful voices reach the last seats in the top balconies, the really beautiful Celtic songstresses in the music of Riverdance, the heart string and tear jerking drawls of country heroines and all the other fantastic and mezmorizing stuff I've seen. Then I thought about the long standing love I've had for the "Black Baptist" or black gospel type women singers who can just stand in front of a room and bring you to tears with their belted out songs full of emotion and confidence. Then he told me I don't have to limit myself to female singers. I immediately thought about my friend, country singer Trent Willmon. What would I give to be able to sing like him when he belts out his "Louisiana Rain" song? Or how about Gavin DeGraw, Mark Broussard or all the other men who have that "unique" sound and can trasport you to different places with how they use their voices?
He helped narrow it down to the things I find myself singing to the most to start off with. Since I listen to an eclectic array of "contemporary music" (I just learned what that meant tonight too- the top 40 pop/rock/rap/country stuff), I picked several artists that I find myself really appreciating their vocal abilities (not being distracted by all the fluff of the music or gimmicks of studio remixing technology). So, I narrowed myself down to artists like Pink and Adele whose voices sound beautiful even without the music. We'll start there. If I ever get to where I can sucessfully sing anything of theirs and not make babies cry, I'll move on to other things. Gotta learn the basics first! Now I have to find an "accompany" person to play either guitar or piano so I have something to sing along with. Jeni, why don't you live in Montana!?!?!!! Grin. Now I wish I hadn't given up on learning guitar since my fingers are too short. I can barely palm a tennis ball. Damn! But, I have the Pink and Adele sheet music ordered and on the way!
So, here I am! About to start on a new journey and scratch an item off the bucket list! Who knows, maybe a video or two will appear on the site of my lesson fun and you'll get to either laugh your ass off, cover your ears in pain or who knows, maybe flick a lighter high up in the air and sway in concert type love to. Either way, I can say I tried and did my best!
What's on your bucket list? Are you gonna do it or what?!?!? Grin.
Life is GOOD!!!!
Heather Montana
Well, well, well.... look what we have here! Feast your eyes on the toy that every man who romps out in the outdoors dreams of someday having... a vehicle WINCH!! Not only a winch, but a SUPERWINCH 8500!! This isn't some wimpy little jeep winch you use when your big jeepy trail tire gets stuck on a rock you were trying to climb over while venturing out in your weekend "warrior" adventures. No, we're talking about a winch that could pull your loaded truck and trailer out of a steep ditch! What? You don't believe me? Oooh! Oooh! I hear a dare coming on!!!
Kidding. Well, only about the dare part. I may accidentally prove it some day, but not on a dare. Grin.
So, you may be asking yourself, "How did Heather Montana afford such an expensive item? Is she prostituting herself now by actually SELLING her pictures to THE MAN?? Or, is she just prostituting?" Well, my friends- neither (and the public can take a deep sigh of relief knowing I'm not walking around in my flannel lined carhart pants, snow boots and baggy sweat shirts looking for paid for "fun time". Sexy visual, eh?).
Here's how you come upon such an expensive (and SOOO cool) toy and rigging: You need a dear friend who thinks you are a complete moron and are going to kill yourself at any moment driving around doing what you are doing. I have such a friend. Actually, I have lots of friends who think I'm a moron and will die at any moment, but only one would actually miss me if I did. He he he he he .... kidding. Ok, so maybe two would miss me...
Yep, you guessed it- Dr. Montana (and his super kind wife)! Not only is he tired of patching me back together when I snap the latest tendon, break a bone, gouge out something or just plain hurt myself sometimes, but he's also tired of hearing the stories of my "I must have an angel" adventures of how I SHOULD have gone over that cliff or slid off that road or tumbled down that mountain, etc. When he came up to look for a place for he and his wife to roost this summer, he got a small taste of where I go and what I do. He was calling me an idiot then and it wasn't even winter with snow and ice added to the fun! By the way, only friends call me idiot. They are the only ones who know me well enough to make such an informed decision and remark. Others would just be guessing. Grin.
So, after hours of anticipating in the waiting room, the Beautiful Beast (my truck's name) emerged from the huge, sliding, metal bay doors of the custom shop with a huge hemorrhoid sticking out of her butt. Ahhhh, what a beautiful butt appendage she has. Another 100 lbs added to the back end and another foot added to the length of the Beautiful Beast! More junk in the trunk!! YIPEEEE!!!
The key to having the winch on the back end of the truck is to remember to strategically have your butt in the direction you need to be pulled out of. So, just for hypotheticals, let's say you are mid-slide down a mountain and you say to yourself, "Self. Are you properly positioned to use the full maximum capacity and effectiveness of your winch to resolve this momentum and location situation?" Actually, in the few seconds that I would have to think about it, it would actually sound like: "Where's my ass pointing ?!! Where's my ass pointing?!?!!" And, if it wasn't in the right direction, what would I actually do? Roll down the power window patiently as I'm tumbling down sideways or end over end and start grabbing for tree limbs and debris hoping to turn it around? Moron.
Basically, I'm at the mercy of where my ass lands to decide whether I'll possibly be able to get out of the situation or not. That is, until I get the front mount for the winch installed (evil villian laugh inserted here- mmmwwwwwwaaaaahhhhhhhaahahahahaa)! What, you think I hadn't thought of that??? Of course I have! It was going to be completed today as well but there were "technical difficulties" (insert dead air TV screen here with annoying station font message). It's still on the "to do soon" list!
SO, what does this mean for Heather Montana you ask? Well, it means I'll be braver, stupider (actual word?) and give even less regard for my welfare and decisions when I'm out on the back roads! Oh, wait, uh, I mean... I'm going to be super safe, travel carefully and never, never, NEVER travel on back roads without cell phone reception and EMS personnel riding in the back seat. Is that what I wrote down to tell Dr. Montana? Yeah, that sounds right.
Actually, I hope I only use it to pull OTHER people out of binds they get into, to possibly move fallen trees/debris out of the road, to pull the tabs off my yougurt cups (those darn things are tough) and to move rude people's cars out of the parking spaces they cut in front of me to take. What? Oh... how did that one get in there? Grin.
Heather Montana
Okay, so I'm a list person. For some reason I get satisfaction out of making this ridiculously long list and crossing things out one by one as they get done. Sometimes I cheat though and put really stupid things on the list just so I feel like I've accomplished something when it gets the big mark through. #4) Make coffee. Yeay! Got that done. Scratch through. Yeah right. Like that wouldn't get done unless it was on the list. We should really only put things on the list that WOULDN'T normally be done throughout the day. Otherwise the list could be 1,300 items long from the start of our day to the finish:
1). Open eyes
2). Am I breathing? Yeah. Remember to breathe the rest of the day
3). Stretch and yawn. Good. Repeat.
4). Put feet on the floor so you can walk to the bathroom to pee...
See how ridiculous this could get?
What gets annoying is when you have all this really legitimate stuff on your list but you don't get it all done in a day. You have to carry it over to the next day's list. That just ticks me off. What the heck? Was I lazy or something? I want a NEW list on every NEW day. The fact that I put 17 huge things to accomplish on every day has nothing to do with my failure to get everything marked through. Right? # 11. Cut firewood, split it and stack it. Seems like a reasonable list item right? Sure. The only problem was the 10 other things right before it. Not to mention cutting, splitting and stacking firewood should be on it's own list with nothing else to interfere. If you even finished those three in one day it would really be a super human task (depending on how many trees were cut down and how many times I rolled down the steep hill with the chainsaw).
Sometimes I just put absurd things on the list that I can't really physically do or do in a day but I expect results- NOW. #9. Heal your heel (which is actually doing much better now) or #8. Learn to fly. Sometimes just little reminders to myself are also included on the list: #3. Stop being a moron. Those are always very helpful. However, I'm not really sure when or if I ever get to mark them off. How do you know if you are no longer being a moron if you are one??
My latest list had a bunch of things on it waiting for a good weather day. Its been snowy, 3 degrees, iced over or just too dark since it's getting dark at 5:30 now. One of course was to cut more firewood. The early cold has the winter stockpile already showing signs of use. So, I cut firewood today. Did I get it split and stacked? Hell no. It's still sitting in the trailer for another day. *&^%$#!!! Now I have to carry those over.
Another item on the list was to finally move the motorcycle to the barn. It had been locked in place with snow and ice in front of the house. The measly blanket I had over it wasn't doing much in showing love to it. This week's warm spell (50 degrees) melted most of the snow and ice and finally gave me a chance. However, not ALL of the snow and ice was melted. There's just so much joy in trying to move an 800 lb motorcycle (whose design is to NEVER see snow or ice) through the snow and ice to the barn. It was especially fun to cross the bridge over the little creek that is nothing but an ice laden landing strip for my ass. With my tongue held to the left, ice cleates on and a lot of prayers- I made it to the barn without dumping the multi-thousand dollar bike into the creek or down a slope of no return. I had images in my head of the bike tumbling down the slope into the creek and the look on the insurance company representative's face on the other end of the phone as they said, "You did what?"
What's really dumb is when I go through all the trouble in the morning to formulate my list (while drinking my cup of love (coffee and vanilla creamer) by the nice crackling wood stove) and then I leave it at the house. I'm driving merrily down the road and then come to the demoralizing realization that I have no idea what I need to do when I get into town. I guess I should have included "#14 Take your list with you" on the list. Moron. Yep, moron's still on the list. Can't scratch that one out yet.
Then it just becomes a challenge to see if I can be as smart as I was when the caffine and crackling fire were giving inspiration to what I needed to accomplish and do. After all the errands and tasks are done and I'm home sitting in the same chair that supposedly held the same inspired ass earlier in the day-inevitably there are things I forgot. Sometimes I get a little kudo by accomplishing something NOT on the list that I forgot to put on or suddenly became important at the time. At the end of the day some items are marked off and others are still blaringly in existance- mocking me. "HA! HA! #6! STILL HERE! Yep! Whoo hooo! Over here! #6! Remember me!!". Either way, at the end of every day I take the list and throw it in the fire. Who has the last laugh now #6! Huh! Who! Booyaahhh! Poof. Gone.
I'll start over again tomorrow. I'm still working tirelessly to be able to scratch "Stop being a moron" off. Grin.
Heather Montana
A Test
You say the word test and it brings instant fear to most. “Oh crap! A test? Did I study? Will I pass? Can I use my notes? How long do I have? And, what happens if I fail?”
Even when we get out of school and “grow up” we still have tests. They just come with real life answers and consequences, not a letter or number written on the upper corner of a piece of paper.
We are tested in every aspect of life. Intelligence, physical strength, morality, patience, perseverance, stewardship, etc. How we pass or fail determines who we are. It’s our “where are you and who are you” test of life. I personally think the hardest thing we are tested on is our faith (or lack there of) in God. We are given opportunities all the time to decide where we stand in our relationship with HIM.
I had yet another test recently. You may have noticed my mention of likely having skin cancer in my latest journal entry (Nov 8th). I had gone in to see a dermatologist and had 6 areas biopsied and many others removed. I felt like a piece of Swiss cheese afterwards. Several of the areas looked very bad- matching what melanoma looks like on all the skin cancer warning posters and pamphlets you see.
My family history, genetics, fair skin, red hair and ridiculous sensitivity to the sun make me a poster child for skin cancer. The way I have always seen it, it’s just a matter of time- not if but when. After I found several of the cancerous looking areas, I figured my time had finally come.
I had the areas removed and was told that the lab results would take a week. If you have ever faced waiting for lab results, much less results that my tell you whether something you may have may kill you, it can be nerve racking and drive you crazy to say the least.
I had faced a different cancer scare before many years ago. I remember waiting for the lab results and the thousand things that ran through my mind during that week. I imagined dying a horrible, slow death and the things I would have to take care of. I imagined having to quit work at the point my body could no longer take a work day. I imagined having to make plans on who would get my things and animals. I decided on how my funeral would be and thought about all the things I hadn’t done yet and what I could have done better. I wondered about God and if I would go to “heaven”. I imagined everything and it drove me insane. When I finally got the results back (which were all clear) I nearly collapsed. Not from relief but from the exhaustion I had put myself through. My relationship with God wasn’t really a relationship then. I knew about HIM, but I didn’t know HIM or love HIM (though he always loved me).
It’s been many years since then. A lot has changed. This time, as I waited for the lab results, I felt… well, peace. Not once from the time I found the areas to having the biopsies to waiting the entire week did I ever feel a moment of fear. I never planned what I needed to do, worried, fretted or felt any gloom or doom what so ever. It wasn’t because I didn’t think it was cancer. Quite the contrary, I was pretty sure it was. The deadliest kind- melanoma. With all the odds against me and how the areas had looked, I was pretty sure it was my time to face it.
That week was the strangest thing for me. I kept wondering at what point I would take the time to be concerned. It never came. I kept waiting to see when the former gloom and doom would show. It never did. I kept waiting for the feeling of fear. It never showed. All I felt was peace. Here I was facing my mortality and all I felt was peace. I didn’t care if I had cancer. I didn’t care if it was the kind that would spread all over my body killing me. I didn’t care about dying at all. I prayed as I always have when I have issues I need to deal with. I prayed that if I did have any illness or issue that would interfere with what HE needed me to do, to please take it away so I could do HIS work (and of course always saying how thankful I am for what I have). Nothing more and nothing less.
A week later I got the phone call. It was all clear. No cancer. Somehow I was still beating the odds. I waited for a wave of relief to hit. It never came. I felt as I had always felt. Peace. I went about my day as if I had been called to be told that a book I had ordered had come in.
I see this as a test. A test of where I am with God and my relationship with him and how I feel about my life and who I am as a person. I didn’t have that surge of what if’s, regrets, remorse or fear. I am who I want to be. I am where I want to be. My relationship and faith in God is solid. Even if the results had come back saying I was full of cancer, I would still feel the same way. It wouldn’t be God’s fault if I had cancer. I’m going to die some day of something. I don’t think dying is the issue. I think it’s who you are at the time you get there. I feel a great comfort now knowing I’m going to pass the test of death. I don’t fear it because I’m already where I want to be even before it comes.
Since I don’t fear death and already have that personal peace inside, the way I see it, it can only get better from here. Maybe now it’s my time to help others get there; to find and feel this peace. I hope I can. It is the most beautiful feeling ever. Peace is feeling the love from God himself. Nothing can touch it- no material thing, status, drug or anything else on this earth. It’s worth is priceless because it cannot be bought, given, shared, stolen or simulated. It’s yours- all yours and no one can take it from you.
Heather Montana
I woke up this morning to Dr. Montana calling me at 7 am, laughing and rubbing it in that I'm another year older today. Man, 44. How in the hell is that possible??? I feel, what 32? Maybe? More remarkable is the fact that I'm even still here. I've done enough dumb and dangerous stuff to make the Darwin awards proud. I think they are just keeping me on "standby" having my write-up ready to print at my final, remarkably stupid adventure.
Here's what the 44th birthday has greeted me with: A torn tendon in my heel, a head cold, likely skin cancer (thank you genetics) and the now daily routine of demanding that my eyeballs focus on close things after having 20/15 vision all my life (better than average). Just what the hell is going on here? NONE of this crap asked my permission to happen much less exist. Getting old is for well, OTHER people. I'm ME. I'm Heather Montana DAMNIT!!
Here's my solution to getting old: Screw it. I don't have time. I have too many things to do. I still have more winter wood to cut, haul, split, stack and enjoy!! I have waterfalls to fall off of! I have bears to chase before they den, elk to stalk & take pictures of and I am very much looking forward to my driveway icing over again so I can play horse poo hockey (there's a lot of poo to be swatted!). Apparently "age" did not check in with my dayplanner.
Okay, so maybe the torn tendon, head cold & likely skin cancer have nothing to do with my age. They would "be" regardless of it just because I'm an accident and genetic wreck waiting to happen at anytime. But, the whole "let's see if you can still see the swirls in your fingertips 6 inches from your face" daily routine just ticks me off. THAT's age.
My problem is that I have focused so much on what's OUT THERE rather than what's RIGHT HERE in front of my face. I hardly ever read and my eyeballs have pretty much said, "Uhm, what's the point of up close stuff again? I'm sorry, but is an elk going to be 6 inches in front of your face? Is that eagle sitting in the top of a tree a mile away suddenly going to swoop in and need each division of his feather counted? I think not. I'm outta here". I have neglected my short vision eyeballs. So, now I'm doing daily reading, focusing exercises and small bouts of cursing when I have to get the magnifying mirror out to check for inevitable chin hairs that must be coming any time now since I'm getting old. Bastards.
How's it working for my attitude? Well, is being in complete denial technically an attitude or mental health issue? After the mocking but loving phone call from Dr. Montana at 7 am, my birthday resolution was to get my running shoes on, go do two miles, work out and have an exceptionally great day off by seeing beautiful things.
Then reality took a 2x4 to my forehead as soon as I set my foot on the floor. First thing to do- scrap the 2 mile run. Again. I forgot I tore my heel tendon. I haven't gone running for a while. I then scrapped the work out due to the 4 tissues I immediately filled full of incredibly disgusting yellow stuff. I then scrapped the going out and seeing beautiful things remembering I have a doctor's appointment to get my lovely, overly freckled, sun hating skin to. It's amazing how quickly plans can change when reality pencils out the fabulous, really good sounding stuff (while laughing in the evil "mmmmuuuuwwwwwaaahhhhhh" tone).
Now, with all this going on, one could easily become depressed and sit in a recliner sulking about how bad life is. Not me. I don't have time to sulk. Reality tried to pencil that in between 3:30 and 4 pm today but I never got around to it- too busy. I was too caught up in being thankful for so much stuff going on and at least the direction it's going. My heel IS going to get better. I WILL be running with Timmy again soon. I WILL be over this head cold in a day or two. And, best part today- I COULD NOT have been in better hands at the doctor's office. There was love and unbelievable compassion in that tiny little room. We all know my love affair (NOT) with the human race. It's people like I was around today that give me hope we have a chance.
So, it was my choice to look at my 44th birthday with doom and gloom and negativity or see it on the bright side. My conclusion: I had a pretty awsome birthday. I have some REALLY GREAT people in my life. I have unbelievable opportunities and gifts laid out in front of me that are so clearly from God himself because I sure couldn't make it happen. And, I had another day on this beautiful earth to appreciate what I can't do right now, but am looking so forward to doing soon. Motivation & faithful hope are my cures to anything that might stomp on my good cheer or positive attitude.
So, I'm 44, falling apart and loving it. Bring on the chin hairs. I have a blow torch. Grin.
Heather Montana
8 Days with Dr. Montana
Well, last week ended 8 straight days with Dr. Montana (a frequent guest to the site!!). He came up to “BE” in the Mother Land and look around for living/job prospects. With the world the way it is now, it’s always good to have options open. So, this trip was multipurpose for him to see if Montana is where he and his wife need to be. Regretfully, at this time it doesn’t look like the hand of cards is good enough to play right now, but who knows what another day will bring. At least while he was here, he had the BEST VACATION EVER!!!!
Ok, so I’ve lived here over 5 years now. I’ve “been there and done that” to a lot of locations here in Montana over and over again. Not that I get tired of seeing any of them because they offer something new each time. But, this time I had Dr. Montana with me who happens to be a big geology smart guy who LOVES the outdoors, who is a doctor AND a hugely talented photographer who has had stuff hanging in a gallery before! To add insult to injury, he’s a also a pilot. Is it really possible to shove that much “smart” into one brain??? Unfortunately we didn’t get to do any flying when he was here. NEXT TIME! Right Dr. Montana?!?! NEXT TIME!!!!
For those of you who know me, those personal talents are like throwing gasoline on a fire with me. What? Someone who will go out all day long, hikes, takes pictures of pretty stuff and can tell me why that pointy rock and that thingy over there on the mountain look so weird? And, imagine my bliss knowing I can do all my idiotic stuff and have my own personal doctor right there & ready to stitch me up, do CPR or even do a spinal cord head halo made of twigs in the field if needed! Can you shriek JOY!!! I can!! I don’t know who had more fun, him or me. But, I’m putting money on me!!
We went to many of my “back road” places of beauty that most tourists are not going to see since they aren’t in any guide books. It was also a taste of what it must be like to ride with me when I’m driving around. I’ll just be driving along and will come to a screeching stop because I see something neat or pretty to take a picture of. Dr. Montana would see something and say, “STOP!”. I would just get a big grin. During his whole time here I did what you could call a “mini documentary” of Dr. Montana taking pictures. I’d get a picture of him taking pictures. I thought it was cool. So, that’s why all those pictures of him in the people album are with his camera- I just captured him doing his thing. I also got pics of him just enjoying the beauty or “being”. Of course as soon as he would get back in the truck, he would be sneaky “pretending” to be looking at them and deleted a lot of them. Ass. Grin. I tried to delete one of his pictures off his camera and wound up sending some sort of signal to NASA headquarters. Too many bells and whistles for me. Me not smart nuff.
When Dr. Montana got here, he was going to get a rental car. I asked him if he was going to get a truck or 4 wheel drive. He said no, just a little economy car. In my head I chuckled at the thought since I knew what he wanted to do while he was here. I pictured this poor little economy car being driven up the side of a rocky mountain and tumbling down and dying with a little puff of smoke from it’s 3.2 gallon gas tank. After getting over my laughing spell, I threw out the offer that we could just use my truck (the beautiful beast) and even said he could just drop me off at my house and then drive back into town to his hotel so he could have proper wheels for the job. I had the motorcycle at the house if I needed back up transportation for anything (well, Apache too). Little did I know what this would lead to.
Tap, tap, tap… I’m still in bed the next morning and this is what I hear. I look up and peer into the grey light of the morning and look around for whatever made the noise. Tap, tap, giggle… I look out the window by the door and there’s Dr. Montana peering through the window with two big cups of Starbucks coffee (referred to as “Mother’s Milk”) and laughing at me. What tha? It was 7 am!!!! Apparently I was the slacker. He had already been up, dressed, made a trip to Starbucks and had driven the 30 miles out- all before 7 am. Holy crap. And, so it went every day. Except he got to drink both the Starbucks cups he brought since he likes the strong lava coffee that will burn your intestines to dust from just smelling it. But, he did bring me a blueberry muffin. Good man! Good man!
When he showed up that early, I thought I was supposed to jump out of bed and get my butt ready to go ASAP so we could get on the road. And, believe me people- me jumping out of bed in the morning with my camouflage print sleep pants, mismatched socks and usually random t-shirt that sometimes doesn’t match the pants or the socks with the sideways hair and drool residue was not a good morning visual for anyone. But, thankfully Dr. Montana’s early morning routine was so he could see the sunrise coming off the mountain while sitting in my big cushy chair by the hot wood stove & drinking his mother’s milk. A couple of the mornings it was below freezing (some of my garden plants froze- sad face). When he wasn’t sitting by the toasty fire (that he would insist on starting so he could feel like a mountain man- as well as hauling in replacement wood), he’d move outside to the creek bridge and just sit on the bridge looking and listening to the creek and mountain valley view soaking it all in. Not a bad way to begin the morning. He reminded me how lucky I am to be able to do that every day.
Our daily trips consisted of going to see the back road beauty spots I know about, going to the old mining towns, going to the huge caves and natural caverns, having a shooting match and the big trip of the week- going to Glacier since he had never been. What?? A geologist that has not been to Glacier?? Crazy talk. So, that was a must. All the way, we were taking pictures. Lots of pictures.
On one of the trips taking pictures at a waterfall, I managed to gash my hand pretty good on a rock. What is it with me and waterfalls???? Any who, I sat there and watched it bleed and then got a big grin on my face. “Oh Doctor”… He immediately went into “doctor mode”, grabbed my hand and verbalized the 10 step process of what needed to take place to get me treated and healed. I just grinned and said, “Nah, I’ll just wash it”. It just made me feel better to have the instant field medic standing by. Now 12 days later, I have a healed scar on my palm that I can look at any time and remember the trip. It just needed a good washing. Grin. I heart my scar.
Upon his arrival, Dr. Montana had immediately “confiscated” my tripod and took it with him everywhere. He hearts my Monfrotto. One day we went to a huge cave that was an abandoned limestone quarry. We hiked over the extensive mounds of rocks to get to the huge cave mouth- all the while Dr. Montana is toting my 20 lb, 3 foot long tripod on his shoulder over the uneven, loose rocks and on the sand & gravel 60 degree slopes. I was impressed with his dedication to taking it anywhere. On one stop to take pictures of some train tracks and a river, he took the tripod out and laid it in the grass while he was off doing other things. He finished up and got back in the truck. I just looked at him and asked if he planned on leaving the tripod behind. The look of absolute horror and fear on his face was one most would get when realizing they had left one of their children at a rest stop a couple towns back. I’m pretty sure I saw him fondling the tripod in the grass before he got back to the truck. I’m going to have to let his wife know about this…
Another place we got to see was the natural limestone caverns. It was the only “guided” touristy thing we did. It’s a 2 mile long underground system of caverns buried in a mountain. Since Dr. Montana is the premiere geologist- before the tour guide said a word, he had already told me everything about what we were looking at and how it formed. Then, she would give her speech and just repeat everything he had already told me. Actually, he seemed to know more than she did! It was awesome. During the underground tour, we happened to be in a group that consisted of some individuals who were, shall we say, not in the peak age or condition to be doing such physical climbing, bending and activity. One man in particular was in his late 60s, early 70, largely overweight and for some reason thought it was a really good idea to consume a large amount of alcohol for the occasion. We were at the back of the tour line and his “emissions” could be smelled. At one point of the climb out, it looked like he was going to fall out with a heart attack. He was gasping for air, sweating profusely and clutching his chest. Dr. Montana and I just looked at each other and almost at the same time said, “You’re doing the rescue breathing!”. Eww. Who ever was stuck with that task would have been drunk by the 3rd breath.
Thankfully the guy made it out. However, the next tour behind us had the fun of experiencing a power outage and was stuck in the caverns with no lights or radio communication. Only the head guide had a flashlight. Dr. Montana and I were thankful we weren’t in that group! The best part of being there was at the end of the tour. There are two outside doors you have to exit from the caverns that stay shut to keep the wind from blasting in at 70 mph. The guide makes it a point to slam the door hard and you can hear a deep, rumbling echo that keeps going and going down into the caverns. I imagined that was what an earthquake would sound like.
After the cavern adventure, the next couple of days was devoted to traveling around to the old abandoned mining towns in the area. To his surprise, we found one of them had an almost completely intact mining shaft with an old cable elevator still in it! We had seen some of the old, rusted elevators laid out in a rubble heap in another location and he was telling me what they were and how they worked- but to find one still in place was pretty cool. It put his explanations into a real life visual.
I thought I was a big kid at heart until I saw him at these old shafts. I nearly had to restrain him to keep him from climbing down one of the 100 ft shafts. He looked at me with his little lip poking out and pointed out that I had a rope in the back of my truck. I took one look at the rickety wood stair ladder leading down the side and thought about what I would tell his wife after he plummeted to his death or at least to a pretty mangled status after one snapped off. If he died right off the bat then at least I wouldn’t have to try and climb all the way down, have him tell me how to fix him and then haul his ass all the way back up the 100 foot vertical hole. I guess I convinced him that I would suck as a mine shaft medic and he said he would miss his dogs- so thankfully intelligence prevailed in that one.
In another fun adventure, we went shooting. Now, in the 7+ years Dr. Montana and I have known each other we have regularly taunted each other in how we were going to kick each other’s ass in a shooting competition. I’ve had the years of competitive shooting and have rarely found anyone that can match me, much less outshoot me in my style (no supports or propping- totally free standing, sitting or kneeling). Dr. Montana of course has his love of guns and years of doing his own thing with his toys. We had never shot side by side to know what each other was really capable of doing so making the taunt was normally done with the confidence that it would never be proven otherwise because it would likely never happen. Well, it happened.
It was finally put up or shut up time for both of us. I’m not sure who was more nervous about possibly losing and having to eat their words. Neither of us wanted to shoot first and have the “cold” gun to blame on our target inaccuracy. We spent more time walking around the long distance shooting range setting up targets and finding things to do rather than racing to the gun to start firing. Finally we couldn’t make any more excuses and I lost the coin toss. I went first. To Dr. Montana’s horror, I took my shots standing & unsupported to the first set of targets about 75 yards away (10 inch wide steel cylinders). I saw his jaw drop and the blood drain from his face as the sound of “Bink” rang out target after target in that set and further sets with my “love”- my 308 with a hair trigger (that I had not shot since sighting it in after I bought it). During the pre-shooting preparations, he had already set up the shooting bench with propping devices and had planned to sit down and prop the gun while he shot.
I finished my clip of rounds and just smiled, handed him the rifle and told him that if he sat down and propped to shoot that I automatically win since I had done it unsupported. The quiver in his lip was visible. He began this brief whimpering tale of how he only shoots sitting and supported and (blah, blah, blah). I just grinned at him and told him, “You’ll never know what you can do unless you try”. I explained my breathing technique and heard him cuss me in his head as he took the gun. As he shouldered the gun, there was another brief round of whimpering, shuffling, possibly crying, but then he finally took a shot. “Bink!” He hit the first target.
The look on this man’s face was like he had just found out he passed his medical board exams. He had an astounded, disbelieving grin from ear to ear. Then he quickly lost the grin and said, “That must have been a fluke”. I said, “Keep going”. He steadied and pulled the trigger again. “Bink”! He hit another one. He got giddy and started grinning again. I said, “Fluke eh? Keep going”. And, there it went from then on. “Bink…bink…bink…”. By the time we called it quits, we had tied each other in the shots and distances. We agreed to call it a tie. I really enjoyed the competition and he really enjoyed seeing he could do more than he thought he could. And, he fell in love with my 308. He thought of ways he could sneak it back on the plane with him without me knowing but the big, long shape would be pretty obvious. Then, anytime a “bet” could be made over something, he wanted me to bet my gun. Uh, nope. I heart my gun.
Now, I wish I could say that was the end to the shooting but it wasn’t. I thought it would be a good idea to get my pistol out and try a little handgun competition. I’ll keep this short and sweet- he beat me. Actually he spanked me pretty hard. I would have done better by throwing the entire gun at the target. Now don’t get me wrong, I would have still killed someone dead according to the targets, but he would have just killed them “deadier”- quicker and more accurately. So, Dr. Montana, here and in full public acknowledgement- I admit you beat me at pistol shooting. You happy now?? I want a rematch.
A little side note on the shooting: On the long range target area, some of the targets are old gas cylinders that are about an inch + think steel walled, about 3 feet tall and about 10 inches around. After the final round of shooting and checking the paper targets we had up, we went and picked up one of the cylinders to sit it back upright. Dr. Montana looked down into the cylinder to see if any of the bullet lead was still in it. He blurts out, “Oh my God! There’s a mouse in here!”. I thought he was kidding and just trying to get me to look in the cylinder so he could pull some kind of joke on me. But, sure enough, there was a poor mouse in the cylinder we had been shooting! Can you imagine what that must have been like for the little thing! It was unharmed but we’re betting it’s deaf! We laid the cylinder back over so it could at least get back out. Poor little thing.
One of my favorite parts of the trip was going to Glacier. We unknowingly went on the last day before they closed the Going to the Sun Road. After driving it, it became clear why it was closing. The storms were moving in. You couldn’t see the tops of the mountains and cliffs. They were engulfed in storm clouds and very high winds. It was cold and some of the tops looked like they were already dropping snow. Despite this, it was still beautiful. I had not been to Glacier except on beautiful, clear days. Seeing it in this way made me appreciate what it looks like when it starts dumping the 30 + feet of snow it gets over the winter. With Dr. Montana being the geologist, he got to ride passenger and just gawk and enjoy the views of all the formations and beauty. At the top point at the visitor center, we got to take some pretty good pictures of a Bighorn Ram that had come down and was getting out of the wind behind the trees. He was less than 20 feet away. He was big, thick and gorgeous with a full curl on his horns. This was probably my 6th trip to Glacier and I had never seen a bighorn there before. He was a beauty.
On the way up the Going to the Sun road by Glacier Lake, we watched a huge black bear boar (male) run across the road. I was yelling at Dr. Montana, “Get the camera! Get the camera!”, but he was too busy trying to reckon with his eyes asking if he was really seeing what he was seeing. I watched the bear dive into the trees by the shore of the lake and I drove around the bend to a pull-out section about a hundred yards ahead. I knew he was either going to get a drink or eat berries by the shore line so I hoped we could get pictures of him before he took off. I pulled over, grabbed the camera and told Dr. Montana “come on!”. He looked at me like I was crazy and I took off running down to the shore line through the trees. I’m only guessing what Dr. Montana was saying in his head at this point- something like, “Wait, is she running TOWARDS a big bear?”, “Do I have enough supplies to sew her back together if there is anything left?” or “ I get her gun and tripod if she doesn’t make it”. I’m betting the last one.
I was in absolute bliss when I got to the tree line of the shore and off about 75 yards away there he was. The black bear boar was at least 400 +lbs and when he stood up on his hind legs, he was easily 6+ feet tall gauging him against the brush and trees he was browsing in. He was browsing on the bushes and was slowly making his way around the bend. Dr. Montana had managed to find me but came without his camera. While I was taking pics and video of the bear I told him the bear would probably be around for a little bit and he went back to the truck and got the camera & tripod.
We spent about 20 minutes taking pictures and video until the bear was about 60 yards from us. He had not seen or smelled us so we were good. However, if he had at that point, it would have taken him mere seconds to reach us if he wanted to. So, at that point I thought it best we head back up to the truck since he was still working his way around to where we were. We went back up to the truck and I noticed another car was parked ahead of us. I grabbed the bear spray and went to the other side of the shore line to warn who ever may be there that the big guy was coming that way. But, no one was there. Kayaking maybe? Dr. Montana came down and held up his can of bear spray that he got out of the truck and commented, “Why did we just now think about these??”. I just grinned.
Timmy went with us on most of our trips and surprised me how well he accepted Dr. Montana’s presence. He actually let him pet him a couple of times without having to be made to sit there and take it whether he liked it or not (which is the usual routine). He didn’t do the insane barking and was pretty calm. Maybe he picked up on how much Dr. Montana likes dogs. During the bear picture taking time, Timmy stayed in the truck. I won’t take those kind of chances with him when I know there is a bear that big out roaming about. Bears don’t know the different between dogs and wolves. They only know they are competitors. I didn’t want to aggravate the bear if he saw Timmy and I didn’t want to put Timmy at the risk of being a snack morsel for the bear. Plus, my Dad had a bad dream recently that a bear caught Timmy on an outing with me and bit him on the snout. I would feel horrible if something like that happened. So, better safe than sorry for my little buddy. Apache got lucky and didn’t have to do anything but be fed carrots during this visitor time. Dr. Montana learned how fast you need to be so your fingers don’t become mistaken for carrot.
Another thing Dr. Montana did while he was here was showing me some medical stuff so if I got into a bind with myself (hurt and alone) or needed to help someone else I could do it. He showed me how to do different suturing and how to do IV’s. He actually made me stick him and do one. What a man to sacrifice himself to let me jab a needle in him and hope it all goes well! He commented during the “training” that often the puncture site will mark, bruise or be sore the next day. So, the next day I looked at the area I poked him in and said, “Yep, still a prick”. What I meant was that I could still see a prick mark in his skin (but no bruising). He didn’t realize what I was doing and all he heard was, “Still a prick” and thought I was referring to him. He got this confused, hurt look on his face which only compounded when I started laughing when I realized what he was reacting to. I explained why I had said that and from then on, he or I would just randomly blurt out, “still a prick” and we’d just start laughing hysterically.
There were constant instances during the trip where just random stuff would come out of no where like that and we’d just laugh hysterically. At one point he was asking about the land structures he was seeing and how it was likely there were oil deposits. I was TRYING to say that they would love to put oil rigs in the areas but the land is protected. Instead of saying oil rigs, “oil figs” came out of my mouth. Why? Who knows why I say what I say.
After a brief look of stupidity on my part, I just went with it straight into this made up history brief about the imaginary “oil fig tree” and how they grow over oil deposits and their figgy fruits are highly flammable. Not only are they great laxatives from the fig’s pulpy fibers, but the petroleum lubed you from the inside out. I then went on to describe how birds pecked at the fruits- like the wooden toy birds on the stands that when you tip them, they just keep dipping and up righting themselves and explained that is how they came up with the oil pump jack designs- from watching the birds feed on the fruits. At this point, Dr. Montana reaches across the truck, takes his hand and covers my mouth telling me to stop because he’s laughing too hard and looks like he’s going to pee himself.
The trip was full of these moments. His hand covered my mouth at least 4-5 times. He would also try and top me on how far out there we could get to gross each other out or put some ridiculous spin of shock and awe on a seemingly placid statement. I knew I had him beat when he would finally cover his face with his hands and rock back and forth (see the “fun with colors Dr Embarrassment” pic).
One of the more memorable laughs was when he attempted to take a picture of he and I after we got out of the truck at one of the venture places. He was using my camera (not familiar with it) and was attempting to do the arm’s length point and shoot to capture us. Well, before we got into place, he accidentally took a picture. That picture resulted in being one of the most unflattering pictures that could ever be taken of two people. Please see the humor section picture. He and I look like a backwoods Alabama couple (possibly a married brother and sister).
The looks on our faces have inspired so many caption options. The most popular with his being (said with an extremely disturbing and unintelligent Southern accent) “Hey” and then my response with an equally disturbing lack of consciousness), “Whhhhaaaaat?” Others possibilities of it being on a trailer for the COPS Tv show about a backwoods poaching event or being pulled over after our brother/sister wedding for having too many of our 3 legged babies in the bed of the truck without restraint seats or seat belts holding our 6-packs so they didn’t tip on the way home. This picture led to another picture that I took of him at a gas station while he was filling up my truck. He got this crazy back woods look on his face and said, “Hey! There’s gas in this here thingy!” while pointing at the gas pump. Insert picture snap here. This one will be posted also. For safety purposes, please do not eat or drink while viewing these pictures (or have someone available for the Heimlich & a towel for clean up).
So, in the 8 days spent with Dr. Montana, I have to admit it is one of my favorite vacations EVER as well. I may have seen or did some of the same things I have done & seen before, but I saw them in a whole new light. I have not laughed so hard and so often like that in YEARS. My face would literally hurt sometimes at the end of the day. I really enjoyed his company, his humor, his smarts, his teachings, his love of photography and his appreciation of Montana. I know I can speak for him (because he told me) that he really enjoyed every second here. Though he’ll never admit it, I know he jerked a tear and kissed the Montana soil before he got on the plane to go back. But, that’s ok. He’s already said he’s planning another trip back. All I can say is I can’t wait! And, there’s going to be a REMATCH beyotch. Grin.
Heather Montana
So, its been a while since I’ve written. I had to take some time to get my head screwed back on right. It was a little tilted to the jaded side and I was really getting tired of it.
Over the past couple of years I have worked at a job that on the outside would appear to look rewarding in it’s function. However, over the years the environment of the work place slowly plucked away at any redeeming qualities of the position. It got to where I was getting physically sick before going into work, my blood pressure was so high that I could feel my pulse in my neck without having to feel for it with my fingers and I absolutely dreaded each day I was there. I was having to literally ask myself if it was worth jail time or if I had enough bond money saved up to get me out if one of my coworkers finally caused me to “snap”. I have never worked in a more juvenile, hostile and unprofessional place before in my life. The ONLY thing that made me stay as long as I did was knowing that despite it all, I was helping kids. But, it got so bad even that wasn’t worth it anymore.
I was finally able to find another job and get out. I was expecting this huge wave of YEEEEEHHHAAAAAAWWWWWW and the fantastic final ending of waving goodbye with my middle finger but neither happened. On my last day, all I felt was heavy disappointment. I just grieved over the years I spent there- wasted. Nothing I did seemed to matter and the place certainly wasn’t going to get any better after I left. I was one of the few that cared. Now, who would even take the time? The poor children. I felt some guilt in leaving, but that was eased with the repeated reminders to myself that I could not hold all that weight and burden of that job alone. I had done the best I possibly could for as long as I possibly could. I just didn’t have the power, position or authority to change what needed to be changed and those who did didn’t either have the time or didn’t care enough to. I did all I could. I just have to keep telling myself that.
My resignation exit package included an optional fill in comment page on why I was leaving the position and other questions related to the job. I debated whether I would even fill it out. But, then I decided I wasn’t going to take the route that the last two employees who left took- they didn’t say a word about the reasons they decided to quit. I figured what the heck, at least I’ll get it off my chest and it will be on record so there’s no confusion. Nine pages later, I think I got my point across. There was no foul language, no finger pointing, no venom and cat hissing going on. It was just the facts. I knew that despite my efforts to write it all out it would have absolutely no impact what so ever- just like my years in the department. No one cared then, why would they care now? It felt good to turn it in though. And, I made sure that all upper agency heads received a copy- not just the HR department. They can’t say they weren’t informed.
My new job has offered me this new, unfamiliar universe where coworkers actually like each other, help each other out, don’t go for the jugular if a mistake is made, they actually jump at the chance to get overtime and (here’s a thought) LOVE WHAT THEY DO. My solace from my disappointment and guilt has been that I get to keep working with/for kids. Inevitably, I always get asked if I have kids of my own when working in a field that is for or about them. I just give my standard answer of, “No, no kids. I never liked anyone enough to breed with them”. But, just because I never had any of my own doesn’t mean I don’t love the little buggers and would protect them like a momma grizzly.
Most of my career has been about kids and I’m glad I can continue that. In this job, I can actually do things that matter. I actually enjoy going into work. I actually look forward to what I can do. I wish I could blame my entire mental funk on the job alone. But, honestly I've just had recent, repeated disappointments in people & what they are doing (to themselves and others) in many different areas of life. It just started adding up. I had to step away from it all, collect myself, refocus and shake it off. I had to take a moment to step back and remember who I want to be and how I want to get there. I can't use the excuse of what is happening in life to lose myself. It was a good break. I'm back to smiling, laughing and joking again.
I didn’t know how far tucked away into darkness my sense of humor had become. I had nearly lost it. But, with time and a flashlight, I located the rusted door, took the padlock off and shoved the big, steel, creaking slab open. There it was, my humor cowering in a corner, rocking back and forth, drooling on itself saying over and over, “I’m in my safe place”. I shined the flashlight into it’s glimmer, called it’s name and shoved the door wide open. My long lost humor eased out into the light, wiped the drool from it’s chin, blinked it’s eyes, took a long stretch, got a big grin, kicked up its heels and said, “Let’s go!!!!”. Ahhhhhhh…. Look at it go. Oh! Look! It’s coming back for a hug! Oh! Off it goes again dancing in the sunlight...
I can’t believe I let myself get to that place again. I moved to Montana to get away from that darkness and hopelessness. I took the road trip to Alaska to remind myself of the beauty of the world despite the ugliness that people do to it and to each other. I was in such a good place in my head when I moved here. I said I could never feel that way again here. Never. Never say never. Darkness exists any place you allow it to.
My problem was that I tried too hard for too long and didn’t recognize the writing on the wall that the battle could not be won. The battle was worth fighting, but I was the only soldier in the army. An army of one against the entrenched apathy and unprofessionalism of an entire department and agency. The writing on the wall only later became visible to me after I learned the language it was written in (“Lunatic Ramblings of Workers Who Once Cared” or LRWWOC). It was the day I stared at the wall and a clearly visible, red, spray painted, 12 foot tall message reading, “Suicide Mission” appeared that I just fell to my knees, dropped the clip out of my weapon, wiped the grease paint off with my tears and raised the white flag.
So, I had to do whatever it took to save what was left of me. I had to find a new job that I felt I could make a difference in and not waste valuable time in my life. I think I have done that. I pray I have done that. It looks good so far. But, when we make these decisions in our lives, sometimes we have to sacrifice or do the “crap or get off the pot” or “shut up or put up” leaps of faith. In order for me to take this new job, I had to take a pretty significant pay cut and now I am driving over an hour each way to work. I’m spending $480.00+ a month just in gas not to mention the wear and tear on my 9 year old vehicle with 165,000+ miles on it. Am I insane? (Has that ever really been a debatable issue?)
Here’s the bottom line for me. I HAVE to love and believe in what I am doing. The mental, emotional and physical cost of NOT loving or believing in what I am doing is just too great. I’ll do the 2+ hour drive every day. I’ll find a way to pay for the ridiculous cost of the gas in my diminished income. I have to. It’s just what I have to do until things can change to fix those parts. In time I may find another place closer to where I work that will save the drive and gas. But, it will have to be a place where my soul feels at home and where Timmy and Apache have safety and comfort too. I am their steward and they will not suffer since they have no control over my decisions. I will truly regret the day I have to move from this home and mountain valley I adore. But, the way God has been looking out for me- I have no doubt he just might put us all in another place that fits just as well. I just have to keep praying and keeping the faith. If you have any extra prayers lying around, I could sure use them!
So, for those folks who were worried about me in my long absence from the site- this is the story why. I’ve just been out making another adjustment to life and getting myself back in tune to where I need to be. It’s not the fact that we fall into darkness sometimes that matters, it whether or not we look for the light switch when we find ourselves in it. Click. Grin. If any of you are feeling the darkness, I encourage you to step back and look at the battle you are fighting. Is it the right one? Can you win it? Can you still save yourself?
Can you find the light switch?
Heather Montana
Folks, this is why you never believe anything that is printed in a newspaper. 90% of what they had in here was wrong. They just guessed at it because I wouldn't talk to them and give them any details- so they tried to piece it together only by what they saw at the time they got there. I didn't give them my full name either (and I took out the info they put in the article below). The reporters saw my camera and asked for my pictures too. I told them no. Law Enforcement has all the pictures and videos.
Also, I met the man's Grandmother, Brother, Mom and Dad. They are exceptionally wonderful people. They have seen (and have) the other pictures and videos as well. The man at the house made it and is doing very well. He is a wonderful person and a good man with a good heart. He's not some life criminal, drug addict, alcoholic mennace to society (not that any of these people need such a horrible ending either). Please pray for him and his family that this event will be a blessing. I feel blessed to have met them. He doesn't remember much.
I told the man and his family that if they had any doubt that someone was watching out for him that this event should clear it up for them. My driving by the area when I did and even being able to see the brief amount of smoke that caught my eye from where I was wasn't coincidence. If my purpose at that time wasn't to help him, those things would have just been easily missed, ignored or just wouldn't have been at the right time. It was my day off- I could have been anywhere besides that exact spot. I could have been doing 100 other things at that exact moment I happened to turn my head and see a puff of smoke a half mile up the mountain in the trees.
I hope he takes full advantage at this second shot at life.
Heather Montana
YORK — Authorities suspect that a domestic issue was the root of an incident that involved an alleged attempted suicide, a fire that destroyed a Forest Service cabin east of York Thursday and the shooting out of a nearby Saab car’s windows.
A woman who identified herself only as (info removed) said she was driving on York Road past Kelly Gulch about 3:25 p.m. Thursday when she saw smoke in the trees. She drove up the narrow dirt road to investigate, and saw a man lying in the yard and a log cabin with flames shooting skyward from it in a heavily wooded area.
(info removed) called law enforcement, and John Naylor, the York Volunteer Fire Department’s assistant chief, was among those first on the scene.
“It was a one-story wood and log structure, fully engulfed in flames,” Naylor said. “The man was right underneath the power lines and we had an EMT (emergency medical technician) with him from York. We told him to move because he was under the power lines, and the man was able to get up and move on his own.”
Fearing that the structure fire might set the surrounding woods ablaze, volunteer firefighters were called in from surrounding jurisdictions, as well as crews from the Helena National Forest and the state Department of Natural Resources and Conservation. They extinguished the flames using foam fairly quickly, but stuck around for about three hours longer putting out hot spots.
Meanwhile, investigators with the Lewis and Clark County Sheriff’s Department studied the stone-lined grass yard, searching for clues as to what happened. Scattered around a blue plastic folding lounge-type lawn chair, they found a half-empty bottle of Absolut vodka, a tan fedora and a .410-gauge shotgun with a sawed-off stock wrapped in silver duct tape, as well as shell casings.
About 20 feet away from the lawn chair sat a silver Saab four-door sedan, with two large rocks sitting on the front windshield, which also had a bowling-ball size hole in it on the driver’s side. The two driver’s side windows also were shot out, as was the rear window.
The metal-covered cement smoldering foundation of the cabin provided a backdrop to the scene, with singed trees towering above it.
Sheriff Leo Dutton said the man on the lawn is a 32-year-old Helena resident whose father leased the cabin from the Forest Service. He declined to release the man’s name Thursday evening.
“It was an attempted suicide, poisoning that involved prescription medicine,” Dutton said. “The fire department hasn’t been able to determine the fire’s origin, but he was despondent over domestic issues.
“We do know that the car was shot, and from the sounds of it, the cabin is a total loss,” Dutton said.
Don’t Just Know Some Exceptional People in Life- Be One
Don’t just know some exceptional people in life
Be One
Do all the things exceptional people do
Follow through
Be a person of integrity
No lies
Keep your word when you give it
Until you die
Walk with you head held high with no fear
Death is always near
Make your path a straight arrow to the goal
Safe you soul
Turn your anger and rage into a driven life
Stand and fight
Never turn your back on the innocent or worthy
Constructive fury
Actions and motives will speak to who you are
Battle scars
Your faith will remain despite the struggles and pain
Never in vain
The solid and strong already know the price
Sacrifice
To walk the path of an exceptional person in this world
Boy or girl
Don’t just know some exceptional people in life
Be one
I wrote this “poem” (or whatever it is) after testifying in a trial for a friend. I personally went through a lot due to standing up for him and waited patiently for 8 years to testify for him because he had been falsely accused of something he did not do. No one else would stand up and do the right thing because of the personal costs to them (retaliations, intimidations, threats, perceived threats, fear, etc.) or their bad motivations. The time that it took to finally be able to stand up for him didn’t matter to me. I gave my word that I would, it was the right thing to do- so I did it.
The observation I made from the whole event was disappointing to me though. The continual response I got from people (including my friend) of why I was still testifying or what I was doing was always that of shock or utter disbelief that I would wait that long and go through such personal expense to do it when I was seeking nothing out of it. I only did it because I promised I would. But, I had only promised I would because I knew it was the right thing to do. If I didn’t stand and fight for him and the truth, how could I ever expect someone to do it for me if I ever needed it?
Before the trial was even over, he sent me a text message that gave a truly sincere thank you (despite what the verdict outcome may be), said I was exceptional for going above and beyond and that I was a true friend. He likened me to the character of Texas Ranger Matt Call on the movie Lonesome Dove who was a “stand up guy” who would do right to the end and could always be counted on. I appreciated the comparison. But, in the same sense, I was disheartened. This act made me a person who was going above and beyond? Was I really the exception to the rule of what people would do for each other? This made me exceptional?
In the old days- “exceptional” people were the cultural or society standard or norm. Honor, respect, integrity, thinking beyond yourself and keeping your word meant something. It was expected from each person and to fall short of that had consequences within society. To fail at these things ensured you did not succeed or prosper- you were the bad guy or social outcast. Others held you accountable for falling short of those things and didn’t tolerate or reward it. People were just expected to be the best person they could be. Doing something “above or beyond” in those days was only something found in legends, myths or comic book super heroes.
Over the generations, acceptable human behavior has just morphed into something tragic. The standards have caved into peer pressure, materialism and mentally justifying excuses for why we just can’t seem to live up to anything close to what got us all here from our cave fires. We have literally flipped the expectations as the standard we live by or is the acceptable norm.
Now, to walk around with no honor is just explained away as a social disorder or something else that a mental health label can be slapped onto. Someone can’t be trusted? Why it’s not their fault! Blame mental health DSM classification # (fill in the blank here).
To not have to earn respect anymore is just society’s politically correct way of “making everyone equal” despite what they do. Not having any integrity is just explained away with the excuse that someone had a hard childhood or is addicted to something so they aren’t to blame for anything- someone else always is.
Thinking beyond yourself only extends so far as ordering 5 extra add-ons in your Starbucks Coffee instead of the 7 you really wanted so it doesn’t confuse the coffee barista so much. And, does anyone really even know what keeping your word means anymore? With all the “legal fine print” and disclaimers we have all been exposed to at nauseam- we have all been forced to second guess every single thing we face. We can’t even get an email or phone call anymore from a stranger without first jumping to the conclusion that it is some lie filled scheme. We can’t take simple words or actions as being “true” or honest anymore. Why? Because now days 9 times out of 10- they are a lie filled scheme. We can’t trust anyone anymore because there’s hardly anyone out there you can trust.
What the hell happened to us? Better yet, why have some of us NOT changed despite it all? Why are some of us still hanging on thinking honor, integrity, respect, trust, etc. hold any value? The world is not headed in the direction for any of that to mean anything anymore. In fact, they are becoming negative, “sign of stupidity or weakness” traits to hold onto. So, why do they continue to mean anything to me?
I live “old school”. I don’t treat people or living things equally. No two people are the same so treating them this way (in my head) doesn’t seem appropriate. In saying that, I do not do things to purposely hurt, be mean or harmful to someone out of jealousy, dislike, manipulation or just being a childish turd. I sleep at night with a clear conscious. I believe people will get what they have coming to them. If they really are a piece of crap- they will eventually cause their own demise and suffering by what they do. The satisfaction I get is being able to sit back and watch it happen to them while keeping my hands clean. The universe has a way of evening things out. Sometimes it just takes patience in watching the demise unfold. And, I always feel sad for them after it happens because I wish they had chosen a different way. Even for the people I truly feel are wasting air on this planet-I don't wish them harm. I wish them change.
I don’t believe in the “sugar and spice and everything nice” philosophy of interacting with others. I treat others as they have earned my interaction with them. Those that can’t be trusted and are just a walking waste of live plasma are just that. They are who they are and I don’t make excuses for them. They choose to be that way. I don’t have any time in my life to spare for these people. And, unfortunately the numbers of them are growing every day.
If you filled a room with all the people that know or interact with me, you wouldn’t get the same response from any two people. Some would say I was one of the most trustworthy and nicest people they had ever met. Others would not hesitate to say I was a “bitch”, very intimidating and have even become concerned that I would knock their ass out. I have a dear friend who thinks it is hysterical how anyone could find me intimidating. She has literally laughed in my face and was just beside herself when she was discussing some issue in which people perceived me that way. Her response brought a huge smile to my face. I love that she feels this way because it reinforced to me that I have always treated her as she has earned. She has never seen that side of me because of who she is as a person- a wonderful person. She is always worth my time.
Yet, there are several people who have never seen anything else but that negative, intimidating side of me because of what they do and how they walk in this life. Who would be correct in describing me? My dear friend or these people? Any and all of them would be right. I treat and respond to people by how they live their lives and who they are as a person. I do not believe in “casting my pearls to swine” or treating everyone the same despite what they do. I don’t believe in being politically correct or social promotion/acceptance despite the obvious. But according to today’s standards of acceptable behavior, I am wrong. I’m supposed to treat everyone equally and always smile and be nice despite what is going on. But, you already know how much I care about what others think. Yep. Zip.
This morning I saved an ant from dying in the hot water in my bathtub. I took my time to pick it up and put it somewhere safe because I didn’t see the justice in letting an innocent creature suffer such a fate. What had it ever done to me? Yet, in this same day, I continued a 2 year long “silent treatment” interaction with a coworker who truly disgusts me as a person. I literally have not said a word to her in 2 years- not even a “hello” and she works less that 20 feet from me. In the same respect, I have never done anything negative to her as a result of my feelings about her. I just avoid her presence or any interaction with her. I find her to be a truly disturbing representation of the human race based upon how she lives her life and who she is as a person. If her rotting integrity, waste of brain cells or apathy could be smelled, she would be a human skunk you could smell for miles. Why can’t crappy people come with a crappy smell? They would be so much easier to pick out and avoid.
I do not see the value in spending even a second of my time in expending any effort to acknowledge her existence. I reached that point after spending over a year hoping for change within her that never came despite what she was provided in opportunities to do so. People have to earn where they stand with me. She has earned my feelings about her.
This used to be how society was. People earned where they stood. Even Jesus spared himself of wasting his time with those who had no intentions of listening or changing. He loved everyone, but he didn’t spend his time tolerating people’s excuses and crap who just didn’t care (pearls to swine). He knew his time was better spent on those interested in a better way. It’s not like that anymore.
People get credit and success they don’t deserve. They can act like complete jackasses and morons and have things handed to them while someone else who takes the times to think of or protect others suffers social backlash and lack of respect. Now days, those old WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) bracelets would read JWDW (Jesus Would Do WHAT?). Those expectations of needing to live up to anything or be anything positive are just prehistoric cave drawings that have long since been covered up with flung monkey crap and bat guano. We don’t have to think of anyone else but ourselves in this world because nothing in the vast social media is supporting or encouraging any effort to do it.
Now days, who you are as a person can be bought, sold, spun into existence and then change or disappear at the click of a mouse. Honor, integrity, your word, etc.- they don’t hold any value or meaning anymore. As a matter of fact, if you hold any of those qualities now- you are either seen as so far above the norm that you become an instant demi-god celebrity through motivational speaking, a book author or get your own talk show. Or, as what happens to most who don’t have the right friends in the right places to become those things- you are just seen as a freak and not to be trusted because you’re not like everyone else.
The “too good to be true” label has been affixed to people. If someone is nice, honest, thinks beyond themselves or does something wonderfully unexpected- people have been programmed to respond back by repelling with guarded confusion. People are so unaccustomed to nice gestures (especially from strangers) that they spin their wheels so hard to get away from the perceived freakish act that they never see the truth through the burning smoke.
When things come too easy or at no price at all- people are nothing but suspicious about it. It’s just too good to be true so it can’t be genuine or real. That or they ask someone else’s opinion or listen to someone else’s perception of what it all meant and get talked into believing that there couldn’t possibly be any nice or truly good people left in the world. The worst smack in the face of lost hope for humanity is when someone does see the true good behind something, but then spins the truth to fit their insecurities or negative agenda. That little glimmer of hope that could have allowed things to be what they truly are falls prey to the ongoing decline of the human race’s redeeming qualities.
We have become tragically programmed to not believe that anything “good” could happen without some cost/price attached. Some even go out of their way to misuse “good” for personal gain. The looming question is- where will this type of society and thinking lead us? Can “free good” ever become socially acceptable again? Can it ever be seen for what it really is?
And, to answer the question I repeatedly get about waiting the 8 years to testify and going through all the things I did for the friend- “Knowing what you know today, would you do it all again?”. The answer-Yes. It was all worth it. He won. Even if he hadn’t won, I would do it again because it was a test of who I am as a person. The truth and doing the right thing have no time limits. I guess that makes me a freak. But, I don’t plan on changing.
Be Exceptional,
Heather Montana
Ok, so a while back I told you I’d post the latest “laugh at my expense” incident. Well, here it is.
As you know, I live in a mountain valley surrounded by some pretty high and steep mountains. The degree of angle on these mountains is easily 60 degrees +. If you are trying to go straight up, you can usually just reach straight out in front of you and touch the ground. Steep. There are of course varying degrees of steepness depending on where you are- some less and some greater.
Well, I share this beautiful valley with some local cows & a big bull named Big Johnson (Yes, his owner named him that saying every rancher should have a big "Johnson"). For years Big Johnson and his ladies have had the privilege of roaming the State lands due to a lease the rancher had with the State. A couple years ago the State decided to stop the lease which is forcing the rancher to put up a couple miles of fences to keep the cows & bull off the State land since it borders his. Meanwhile, the cows & bull don’t know they’re not supposed to be on the State land anymore. So, they continue on their paths that they’ve traveled for years.
Sometimes they decide to go through the fences here and munch on the lush green grass and other goodies they don’t have in their parcels. Well, the landowners here tend to get a little upset over it so I’ve been trying to keep the peace by doing what I can to make sure the cows & Big Johnson don’t come across.
A fence had been constructed some time back to try and keep them from coming over a steep incline into this side of the land. But, since the incline is so steep, the fence only went up so far. The cows & bull just decided to go a little higher up and bypass the fence. Once they made it around the incline, they would just walk right through the fences that surround the places here since admittedly, they are not in the best shape (Not my fault folks! I didn’t build them!).
Well, after chasing them out 5-6 times- sometimes in knee deep snow and ass busting ice, I decided I was going to fix that steep incline fence and keep them from coming across to this side. You know, cause I’m a fence and steep incline expert and all (sarcasm implied). That and having Big Johnson eyeball me one time with a look of, “Hey stupid human- remember that old video of that buffalo tossing that idiot person into a pine tree when he got too close? I’m going to make that buffalo look like an amateur” aided me in my new found project. Big Johnson’s a nice bull, but even he has his limits to some puny, noisy thing whooping and hollering behind him with nothing but a stick to back it up.
Well, I put my handy tool belt on with my pliers, fence ties, gloves and other “official looking” fence building things I may need. I hauled myself up the steep snow and ice covered incline and eyeballed the distance between the end of the old fence and how much more of “something else” I would need to finish the job. I guesstimated about 40+ feet.
While I was up there, I saw two strands of an old barbed wire fence that had grown into a tree at the high end of the incline and ran down through the dirt to the game trail and had grown into another tree at the bottom. I cut it from the low side, played tug-o-war until I got it all jerked out of the dirt and found out how fun it was to use barbed wire as a rappel rope. Normal people use regular rope. Not me. I thought it would be fun to try and climb, swing back and forth and get back down the steep incline on these two strands of wire that are specifically made to discourage things from touching it.
And, when I say fun, I mean how many ways you can shred your clothing, entangle & jerk out your hair and snag your handy man belt making you hang upside down while watching your tools slide down the slate rocks to the bottom. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that part. The whole side of this mountain that I’m dealing with is nothing but snow and ice covered broken shards of slate rock ranging from about an inch to 10 inches big. It’s not only impossible to climb up (unless you are a cow apparently) but you can’t stop yourself if you start falling- it all just slides with you. Your only choice is to sit and enjoy the ride down. Every now and then there is a bush or shrub jetting out, but not where you need them (if you could even see them).
After about an hour of looking like a monkey with some sort of neurological disorder swinging around on this barbed wire, bleeding, missing patches of hair and sliding down the hill I don’t know how many times- I finally got the two strands in place to tie into the old fence. I was admiring my ingenuity and plucking strands of my hair out of the wire when I realized there was nothing holding these strands in place in that 40 ft gap and it was just going to sag and anything could just walk through the strands.
After cussing a few choice words, I knew I had to sturdy it up or it was pretty much worthless. So, I took a joy slate ride down the hill and went searching through the barn for something to fit the need. I found a big roll of farm wire fencing. It was in good shape and the squares in it were not going to allow anything bigger than a bunny through it. After literally freeing it from its ice block, I began rolling this beast to get it up the hill. The bottom half of the hill isn’t as steep as the rest, but it’s full of brush, ice and snow. I also had to get it over the first fence. I’ll spare you the cuss words I uttered.
Well, I managed to get the big roll to the start of the steep incline and beginning of the slate rock. Once I hit the slate, it became a game of ridiculous efforts to try and man handle this big wire roll upward. I tried pushing, pulling, end over end rolling, etc. I’d make a few feet and then lose more ground than I had gained once the weight of it all started another slate slide. Now I knew why they had stopped the other fence where they did. Stupid cows. Now I’m just getting frustrated because I am determined to get this done. To make matters worse, I then hear Big Johnson bellow from over the ridge. They are coming again.
You’d think intelligent people would do intelligent things. Please don’t put me in that grouping. Apparently I don’t deserve that credit.
Being frustrated and then hearing Big Johnson announce he was coming- this sent me into determination overdrive. I decided that if I couldn’t use my brains to make this work, I was going to use my quarter horse ass brute strength. I got the brilliant idea to just pick up this huge roll and lob it up the hill as far as I could. I looked around for any flat spot or debris I could hook it into where it wouldn’t just roll right back down. I spotted what I thought was a snow covered flat spot and picked up the huge roll and just heaved it as hard as I could. I was pretty proud of myself. That wire weighed a lot and I was already worn out from all the efforts so far. It made it to exactly where I wanted it to go.
I got to enjoy about a half second of self-appreciation when (in slow motion) I watched as the “flat spot” I had picked turned out to be a snow covered bush that promptly sprang back from the weight of the roll and launched it straight back at me. As I was watching this, in my head I was saying something to the effect of, “This is going to hurt” and “You moron” but the only thing that came out of my mouth was, “Oh….”. Yeah, just “oh”. I didn’t have enough time to say anything else before the roll bounced off my face while I was actually trying to catch it the air like a wide receiver catching a huge, non-regulation size football. Oh, yeah, I mentioned the slate, ice and snow before right? Well, they all came into play about this time again as well.
You see, catching this rebounding bullet of wire isn’t an intelligent thing to do on a flat surface much less on a steep incline of nothingness. But again, I had set aside intelligence at this time.
As the wire bounded off my face and I went to bear hug it, my feet were fully involved in participating in an entirely different event- gravity. I grabbed the huge roll just in time to have my feet fly out from under me as I landed oh-so-pleasantly face first into the slate rock, snow and ice. On the way down I shoved the wire roll so I wouldn’t land on top of it. The only problem was I shoved it forward. Forward people! Uphill! What goes up must come down!!! I looked up just in time to see the bottom end of the roll as it plowed on top of my head burying my face into the snow, rocks and dirt and then bounced down my back and legs onto its journey down the hill.
I just laid there listening to it smash into trees, bounce, crash into bushes and then finally got silent. For a second I worried that Timmy could have been in the path of it but then remembered he had long forsaken my hillside work and gone inside the house. I laid there for a second waiting to feel the first pang of pain from somewhere. Ahh, there it was- my nose. Let me guess, I broke my nose again. I have a talent for that. I lifted my head up and looked down in the snow- no blood! Yippee! I sat up and looked down at the path the roll had made all the way down the hill. The first thing that crosses my mind? “Well, at least I have a cleared snow path to get back to the house”. I saw the wire at the bottom of the hill. If I would have had some charcoal and a carrot, I could have made a fat snow man out of it. It had packed with snow and limbs all the way down and had landed upright.
It didn’t make it all the way back down to the other fence and that’s when I came up with the truly brilliant thought of the day. I think it took getting knocked in the head to rattle the intelligence part back into action. Why didn’t I just fix the other fence that is nestled on a nice, flat, ice & snow free surface by the house so they couldn’t come through there?
I'm a moron.
Heather Montana
Ok, there's this young, just out of college new chick that works with me. She's about 25 yrs old, fresh faced, red headed, smart and is actually a positive addition to the place. She has a sense of humor and isn't afraid to let her feelings be known when needed. Its funny what will bond people in an insane workplace and the different things it takes to earn the respect of some vs. another. I don't care if anyone likes me and I certainly make no effort to make it happen. But, sometimes people just like me despite what my attitude is. I have no idea why this newbie likes me, but for some reason she has attached on. I tried to scare the hell out of her and warn her what the reality was in this job. To my amazement, she took the onslaught and decided to stay anyway. She figured out pretty quick I wasn't kidding around with what I had said but knew I had only done it to warn her about the truth and to see what she was made of.
Since then, she knows what my real motivation in things are and apparently respects that. And, since then, she has earned respect from me by working her ass off, using her brain and not being a part of the madness that exists. Who wouldn't appreciate that?
Over time she has told me about her boyfriend and life and I just listened. Recently she started saying she was going to break up with the boyfriend because he wouldn't invest the same time in her that she did in him (the long distance thing). I just continued to listen. Then today she announced that she broke up with him and was now ready to get back out into the dating world. She also then casually announced that I was going to be her "wing man".
I nearly choked on my coffee.
Wing man? Me? I pointed out to her that I was old enough to be her mother and probably would be mistaken as such since we were both redheads. She went on about how we could prowl the local establishments and find good guys... blah.. blah.. blah.... All I heard at this point was the Charlie Brown teacher voice in my head. Me? Prowl the local establishments? Me? The one who cherishes aloneness, lives in the middle of the mountains, does creek laundry and heats by a wood stove? Me? Whose high heel shoes & cleavage have not seen daylight in years? I asked her if she was high or just desperate. She denied any drug use but was not clear on the desperation.
I asked her what exactly she was trying to accomplish here. Maybe hooking up with a good father & son combo at the local pool hall? She could take Jr. home while dad and I discussed how our retirement accounts will probably be worth the plate of chicken wings & beer we were sharing? She continued on about how fun it would be and how we needed to get out and have fun and how fun the fun would be. The emphasis continually being "fun". I asked what was wrong with playing chase with a grizzly for fun? She didn't seem to see the "fun" connection in that.
I told her my only experience with anything in the realm of "wing man" was watching the movie Top Gun. I didn't see my worth here. I told her I could play her mother and try and sell her off to prospective good guys by telling them she keeps her room clean, does the dishes and always takes a shower but other than that, I'm at a loss. I asked her if she hadn't noticed or anything that I'm not the most feminine or flirty kind of gal. She said, "That's not a problem" and got this look in her eye that made the hair on my neck stand up. You could see the wheels and gears turning. I saw her hands move in her jacket. I knew she was secretly dialing fashion guru Stacy London or the show What Not To Wear and was then texting some high dollar makeup and hair person "911". The look was evil. I felt fear.
Then, as quickly as it began- she walked off saying, "I'll let you know when we're going out. Just be ready". Ready? Ready for what? Oh my God. Me? Back in civilization? A wing man? If I understand the rules of wing man right- in order to get her a guy that means I have to NOT scare them away! I would have to look and act like a girl again. That's contradictory to my way of life! Curling my hair again? Wearing fabric that isn't denim? Showing the girls instead burying them under layers? Applying lipstick instead of chapstick? Actually holding a conversation with someone that won't run them off by talking about what I do, what I love or how I live? How do you keep a guy sitting at the table when he asks you that cute little question of "what is the first thing you would grab if your house was on fire" and I unflinchingly say, "My gun". That's not the correct answer even if is true! Does she understand what she is asking of me????
This is going to be interesting.
Heather Montana
As most of you know, recently I've been down for the count for a while with the crud. Its just something about this time of the year. It happened last year too. My voice goes to crap, I sound either pubescent or like a man (or have no voice at all) and the sinus crud just seems to think my face is the greatest place ever to hang out. It seems take forever to get rid of it.
Now, on top of the crud, let's add unbelievable stress and drama at work (my real job that pays the bills). Combine all of these- picture an out of control daycare, a psych hospital where all the patients are living in an altered state of reality, a fake Hollywood set that looks real from the outside but is really only held together with duct tape & bailing wire and then add the "professional" structure of opossums under pressure (playing dead). Then, to top it all off -take out the humor or funniness aspect any of those things may have. That is the best description I have of my workplace. Its pretty much ridiculous and insane.
So, being sick on top of the insane job- it can get to you. My outlet has become exercise. It may seem contradictory to be sick and exercising- but it's getting me through. It's all about keeping the sanity. I don't have time for drugs, alcohol abuse or other things that just add to the whirlpool that keeps people circling the drain. You can't wreck yourself and your body and then have the nerve to expect a positive outcome. Well, you can expect it- but that just isn't reality.
So, I've returned to running and other exercises to get my body & mind back in place. Its also my only way of burning away my anger, hostility and utter disgust I have for those around me. I don't have enough bail money and the thought of showering with big burly women keeps me from pummeling and taking out those around me. It's easy to fall into a dark place if you have no outlet.
Many moons ago, I used to have a rockin' hard body. Don't laugh people- its actually true. I had the 6-pack abs going, the thighs and butt of Serena Williams and unfortunately (thanks to my genetics from Dad's side)- I had man arms. I wasn't body building, "pumping iron" or anything like that and I certainly wasn't doing any kind of "enhancing" drugs. It was all natural from just working my ass off in the extremely physical job I had at the time. I felt great and I looked great. Well, not in the most feminine or Sports Illustrated bikini model sense of the term- but I was definitely in shape. I had endless energy. I would keep going when others were exhausted and quitting- even the guys.
It just felt good to know that I had my body in a position to handle just about anything I could throw at it. It was a useful build; not for stage and lights. And, it was fun to see the reaction by that little "sub crowd" of guys that actually appreciated the look of it when an accidental sneak peek of the 6 pack or arm would occur. But the thing I remembered most about my appearance at the time was the automatic respect I would get just because people knew how hard it was to look that way. It didn't come from sitting on the couch and watching TV. That first impression moment that every person has was tipped because of how I appeared. I never even had to open my mouth. And, sometimes it was better if I didn't. But, this "unearned respect" always bothered me because maybe they were giving me credit or making assumptions about me that were not true. I'd rather earn it.
Now many moons later, I'm getting that back. The days on the calendars seem to be flying off as the years whiz by. I'm getting old. So, what am I going to do with that? Let stress and insanity do me in? That's not in my nature. Never has been.
I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth (I think so anyway). I have unbelievable opportunities to see and do things if I will only make the effort. I have places I want to go and things I want to do. And, to do them I have to be in fantastic shape- both in my head and my body. I want to be at that place again where I know my body can handle whatever I throw at it. I want to experience all I want to do and not have my physical status or mental roadblocks as a reason why I can't accomplish it. I'm not going to be the reason I fail at the things I want to do. Screw the automatic respect part that comes with it. I'm well over giving a damn what other people think. I'm doing this for me. But, you are welcome to come along.
See you on the mountain.
Heather Montana
The Dilemma of My Way of Thinking
Recently, I was telling an acquaintance of mine about a recent encounter with a cougar (puma, mountain lion, etc) that I had while driving along a back road. I was relaying my feeling of jaw dropping awe at seeing this huge cat bounding through the snow. Its tail seemed to be far too long for it’s body and looked like an out of control rudder while it leap onto a snowy mountain incline. It was a beautiful creature. It is an image forever burned into my mind. This experience being yet another in the scrapbook in my mind entitled, “Are You Freakin Lucky or What”? Seeing this cougar goes right in there with the 2 hours I spent with the huge bull moose, seeing my first bear and the 5 or 10 times I should have gone over a snowy/icy embankment or become hopelessly stuck but didn’t.
Most people living here (or anywhere for that matter) go a life time and never see a live, wild cougar. Here I was, experiencing something most would never see unless it was in a zoo exhibit or stuffed in someone’s dead animal display. I know the odds of this chance encounter. And, I felt pretty honored.
Once I got over the shock and awe of the moment and finally shut my bottom jaw, I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face for a very long time. My camera? It was hanging around my freakin neck under my zipped up jacket (it was -8 below)! But, it happened too fast and it was getting too dark to be able to capture a running object (not enough light). Did I get out of my truck to see where it went and try and get at least some dimly lit video? Of course. Did I succeed? Uh…no. I did manage to go back out the next day and get pictures of some of the prints left in the snow. I wanted them for my own memories as well as for any disbelievers who might actually wonder if I really see what I claim to see or get into all the situations I claim experience (see the wildlife folder for the pics).
The acquaintance (A) I was telling this encounter to just looked at me with this deer in the headlight stare and the conversation went like this:
A- You saw a what?
Me- A cougar!
A-Where?!
Me- I’m not going to say.
A- Why?
Me- Because if people know where it is, they’ll try to find it and shoot it.
A- AND?!!
Me- (Deep sigh & a head drop). Never mind.
One thing has truly come to disappoint me about Montana. There seems to be a huge amount of people who don’t seem to appreciate what we have here. Montana (other than Alaska) was (is?) one of the few “wild” places left in the US. You can come see beautiful places that don’t exist anywhere else on earth and see animals that no longer exist in other states because they were wiped out, moved out because of human expansion or just plain didn’t roam there to begin with. In some places in Montana, it truly still feels “wild” and the beauty is unmatched. In other areas… well, not so much. Unfortunately those “not so much” areas keep expanding every day.
Years ago in my search of where I wanted to move to get back to living life and finding the beauty of it; it was toss up between Alaska and Montana. I spent several weeks in both areas before I made the decision. I only choose Montana because Alaska (the parts I was looking at) was TOO remote.
There was literally hundreds of miles between gas stations, grocery stores, no law enforcement, hospitals, vets or any other “helpful agencies” in sight if you ever needed them. I stopped and talked to the locals about what life was really like and all too often the mention of “cabin fever”, “-65 below”, “months of only horizon sunlight” and how many boxes of shotgun shells a single woman needed to keep on hand due to the unexpected visits that tended to occur from drunk males overcome with “cabin fever” from the “-65 below” and depression from the lack of sunlight. Nice. That and the fact that very few people had horses because the permafrost didn’t support the growing of hay so it cost a fortune to feed them over the winter. Drunk guys with ill intent showing up 2 am at -65 below? Manageable. Me without a horse? I shudder at the thought. Not if I can ever help it. So, Montana it is (for now-for however long it will remain “Montana”).
Some areas of Montana are truly what I came here for. They speak to my soul and calm it down. They bring me to the place within myself that I had lost for so long. They help me find me. They help me keep me. They help me become a better me.
A living part of these places are the animals that roam them. They play just as much a part of the talk to my soul as the mountains, streams, sunsets, sunrises and all the non-living things that encompass the stunning visual calmness that whispers to me. Predator or prey- each one has a role to play and a right to exist as much as I do. Why? Because without them what would my life have or be? Where would my beauty come from? What would be left to speak to my soul? What is a mountain without a bull elk bugling from it? What is a stream without a rainbow trout dazzling in the sunbeams? And, what is a snowy incline without a cougar gracing it’s beauty? Any of them without the other is incomplete. They are the pen without the ink; the seed without the rain.
Too many here walk around in complete selfishness, narcissism, ignorance and fear. Too many are unwilling to personally sacrifice anything for the sake of anyone. Too many people here overestimate their true value to the world rather than the damage they really do to it. Too many demand change and actions because they refuse to learn about the role things play, appreciating the abilities of creatures and what their value truly is.
A hot topic here in Montana is the grey wolf. They were introduced to replace the wolf population that was wiped out from hunting and human encroachment. Time after time, article after article, people want to kill the wolves under the guise that they are making the elk and deer populations move or are over killing or taking out livestock. Any excuse and fear inciting thing that can be said about them is regularly said to push the movement to wipe them out again. We fear what we don’t understand. We try and control things to compensate for what we truly have no control over. It’s all misdirected and all very ignorant for a species (humans) who are supposed to be so intelligent. We are only as strong as our control over our fears.
One recent comment someone left on an article (about the proposed recall of wolves from the protected species list) stated the manner in which wolves kill was their reason for wanting them wiped out. This person stated that a pack can bring down a full grown moose and they do it by surrounding the animal and attacking it from behind. Eventually they wear the animal out after each wolf takes turns running it and then they all converge to kill the moose when it can no longer defend itself from exhaustion. This person called wolves “horrific, blood thirsty killers” because of how they hunt.
My initial reaction was to also leave a comment asking how else did they purpose that a wolf kill it’s meal? Was it to run into a local Cabela’s store and pick up a 30-30 rifle, a couple boxes of rounds and a handy canine back pack to carry all that in? I guess one of the pack should also pick up a moose tag while they are there. I’m sure one of the pack members can attach the tag with their thumbless paw after another one shoots the moose from a couple hundred yards away. Maybe they can pay for all that gear by, well, selling a couple hides from several of their own pack members to the fur traders. Right? That was my initial reaction.
I have come to learn that it is pointless to express your views on any comment board or public statement avenue. Regardless of what you say, someone will inevitably come out from under a rock somewhere and say something that has nothing to do with anything, do nothing but attack you despite having never met you (and having no facts of their own) and will then just go make 5 other sir names/avatars on the same site to post follow up remarks to support themselves in what they just said using the other sir name/avatar. It apparently makes them feel better about themselves to appear “backed” by fake popularity. These same people probably create fake friends on Face Book and My Space for the same feeling of coolness and popularity. I don’t subscribe to either or any social networking site. I just don’t care enough to bother. And, if and when the internet crashes, I’ll never feel “lonely” without all my fake friends to validate me.
So, back to the fear mongers and narcissistic people who think wolves should be killed simply because they have adapted into a survival method that works for them. The wolves tools? Intelligence, a fur coat, endurance and a couple elongated teeth. Instead of fearing and hating them, we should be in awe and appreciate their abilities. Taking on a 800+ pound, 7 feet + tall moose that can kill you with one kick or gore you with an 80 pound rack of antlers; the braveness and cajones to even try it is impressive in itself. That is how they make a living (even in 3+ feet of snow at -30 below). They don’t have any other way available to them. Not appreciating their abilities and calling for their death because of it is narcissism and cowardice. Respect is earned through understanding. Fear is perpetuated by ignorance & denial.
This all brings me back to the cougar encounter I had and the response from the acquaintance. This person thought the cougar deserved to be shot just because it exists. It was posing no danger to anyone (matter of fact, it was running like hell away from me). It was a beautiful creature to behold. Could it have killed me? Absolutely. Did it try or even look like it was considering it? No. I posed more of a danger to it than it to me. Just like the grizzly & bull moose that I encountered before as well. The cougar was running away from me, not towards me. I was the perceived threat. But, according to my acquaintance and too many here in Montana (and everywhere)- the cougar should be killed just because.
It astounds me the number of people who think that there are just endless numbers of things to kill and wiping them out has no consequence. Bear and cougar hunters, coyote killers, wolf haters, trappers, etc. They don’t give a second thought to putting a bullet in one of these creatures. Why should they think that their actions matter? They are just one of thousands who kill animals like this all the time- right? Why should they have to take a second of their time to self-reflect on the fact that they are taking the life of a creature that they will never eat and only hang the stuffed head on the wall to look at so they can brag about being the “great white hunter”? People like this truly sicken me. They do not value life. If you’re going to kill it, then you better do it quickly (no suffering) and you better eat it. If it’s a predator animal- unless it’s trying to kill you or something you love- leave it alone. Instead of wanting to kill it, why don’t you take a moment to appreciate it’s beauty and abilities. It can do things you can’t. Killing everything that crosses your path does not make you a good hunter. It just makes you a person with no self control and a limited ability to think.
By the way- a side note here. I’m not a “situational supporter” of these animals. With all that I do in the outdoors where I am fortunate enough to experience them- would I change my mind if ever mauled or was even killed by one? First of all, if I was killed there would be no further thought processes about the issue on my part. But, the point being- nothing about how I feel about them would change. If I get hurt, it would be my mistake, not theirs. I was in THEIR country. NO ONE HAD BETTER DARE harm a hair on any animal I may cross paths with and wind up as a greasy spot in their poop a few days later or be discovered in their hoof/antler matter. I had the choice of going out of my safe little house and encountering them. They didn’t have a choice in encountering me. It is what it is. We can’t have love and respect broken down situationally. I love the whole animal; even the part that can kill me.
And, now back to the rest of the story.
I am sometimes overcome with shame at the actions of my own species. Why do we have to kill everything that moves? Why are we so self righteous that we can’t make room for other living things? How did we appoint ourselves in being so self-important that only we matter? What narcissistic asshole decided to label human feelings as multifaceted “emotions” and anything an animal feels as only pre-programmed, robotic “instinct”. How and when did we get so stupid that we actually think we can exist without these other creatures and having respect for these beautiful things?
I can’t help but think of the “Bear Man”- Timothy Treadwell who spent years and years living with the grizzly’s in Alaska. Over time he became increasingly less tolerant of human beings because of their ignorance of the bears. He was one of their biggest advocates and lived side by side with them to try and dispel the myths and replace the fear with knowledge and appreciation. Was he a little over the top? Honestly, I don’t know. Maybe he was a nut job like so many said he was that was eventually killed by the animal he loved and respected so much. Or, maybe it was just an unfortunate outcome by a rouge bear that did not fit the mold he had come to know and understand. Had that one outsider bear not migrated in and killed him and his girlfriend- what would he be achieving today? Where would the grizzly be today without the efforts he did accomplish before his death? What about Steve Irwin and crocodiles? Where would they be today without him? I can’t imagine if either man was given the chance to do it all over again that either wouldn’t take it. They truly loved, understood and respected the animals they advocated for until their deaths. Who are we to say they were “crazy“? Maybe the rest of us just aren’t “crazy” enough.
Am I trying to compare myself to these great men who stood 100% behind what they loved & respected? No. I’m just me. I just take pictures. But I try and live my life in a way that doesn’t contradict the existence of what I love and respect. I don’t go around killing things just because I can. I don’t waste. I recycle & reuse. I nurture instead of destroy. I don’t take what I don’t need. I adapt to my surroundings and things I love and make it welcome with all it’s boundaries and needs intact. I don’t make it fit me.
I truly respect and admire any animal that exists outside of domestication. Dogs, cats, horses, cows, etc- they have the easy life. They are fed, cared for and pampered. The “wild” creatures that have to make a daily living in surviving the heat or the bone piercing cold and all the while having to feed themselves, raise offspring and maintain their health and abilities with no helping hand amazes me. I tried to put myself in the place of the coyote that has the injured leg (he can’t use it at all) from being caught in a trapper’s wire snare trap (yet another amazingly brutal, indiscriminate, suffering inducing gadget man keeps using despite modern technology). It amazes me he is still alive. It has been -12 below with 3 foot deep snow banks and ice. How, with his injury is he still alive in the winter? How can one not marvel at his abilities to keep himself alive with what he has to work with in the environment in which he lives? Could I do it? I seriously doubt it. He has my respect. And the asshole that trapped him has my middle finger salute.
My dilemma comes in knowing what God wants from me. He wants us to love each other as he loves us. I have a really hard time with that. Specifically because I find it really hard to understand why God would love us in the first place with what we do and have done to each other and what he has given us. We have “crapped the nest” so to say ( a big no-no in the bird world). We’re not very good stewards of what we have or of this earth. We tend to muck up everything being selfish and narcissistic among ourselves not to mention towards other living things.
So, it is hard for me to love others that, well, just don’t give a damn about anything other than themselves. I have a very hard time with the willfully ignorant, needy, clingy, narcissistic, materialistic and fear mongering individuals that seem to occupy a lot of space here with me. Not all humans are bad. But, considering the motivations animals have (survival, nurturing and basic needs) Vs. the motivations the human race seems to have; it’s not hard for me to love, appreciate & respect the lives of animals. I haven’t given up on the human race. Maybe some day every person will find the thing that calms their soul in nature and will find the motivation to look beyond themselves to protect its right to exist. Maybe that one thing or place that lets them peacefully resolve the storms in their minds to be able to hear the whispers of angels trying to talk to them. Maybe some day everyone will find their once in a lifetime beautiful cougar on a snowy mountain incline & understand what a gift that really is.
Heather Montana
You know, there's not much in life that is better than sitting by a fire, staring at the stars, sipping a good beverage and just relaxing to the crackle of the wood and the mezmorizing flicker of the flames. If there's a cool chill to the air, the warmth of the fire just adds to the comfort of the moment.
In the last couple homes I have owned, I have had a fire pit. One either came with the house or I built one to have and enjoy. To me they are like a necessity of life- a place to have a "calm moment" or at least a place to uninterruptedly think about life.
Now that I finally have a place out of town and in a calm, peaceful setting- the fire pit seemed to be a natural addition that I needed to get back to. So, yesterday I built one. I can't speak for most people, but I get a strong sense of accomplishment and pride when I build something (useful or cool) with my own hands, thoughts, sweat and sometimes a little blood shed. When you can step back and look at the final product and say, "Hey, that's pretty cool" or "I can't wait to use that", it's quite a motivator to add yet another project to the "to do" list.
When it turns out really good or cool, the urge to share it with others gets pretty strong too. What's the fun of busting your ass doing something neat if you don't have the joy in letting others partake of it too? Not that I will be pulling random strangers off the street and hauling them to my house just to sit by the fire pit, but it will be nice to share with friends and visitors when they come out. It brings me joy and peace- why not let others have that too?
The best part is that it cost me a total of $6.00 to make- and $2.00 of that was for the fire poker set that I got at my favorite thrift store to stoke & clean it with. The rest of the stuff was either already around the place or just needed to be gathered from the land. Those things + my time and effort was the total cost. Most good things come free- or pretty darn close to it.
My next day off will be spent fireside at night (weather permitting) with a bag of marshmallows, a good beverage and if no friends or vistors happen to drop by, I'll have Timmy by my side, Apache gazing nearby, the ever present calls of the owls, the sounds of the stream and the millions of stars in the sky to keep me company.
I heart my fire pit.
Heather Montana
Sundays are usually reserved for people getting to rest, having a lazy day, maybe going to church and spending a little down time. Well, since I'm not a normal person- I work on Sundays. I have an early arrival time which allows me to see some beautiful morning views while others are still snoring and will later wake up and deny that they do.
My mountain drive back into town has a thousand sharp bends and turns in it. It's a two lane road with no shoulders. It is cut into the mountain- so either side of the road is either up the mountain or down a steep slope to the valley and stream below. It always offers something new to look at every time. There's always a deer here, a bear there, a beautiful view of the valley stream, etc. This morning I had quite a different view when I came around one of the bends. As I was sipping my coffee- a cowboy, a rope and a really pissed off steer was in front of me. It took me a couple seconds to focus and register what I was seeing. OK, is that really a 150 lb cowboy in the middle of the road holding on for dear life to the end of a rope attached to a really pissed off 300-400 pound jet black steer?
Let the laughing commence. I know it was a completely inappropriate response had I been in his boots, but for a second I took a moment to utter, "Sure glad that's not me". The few seconds that went by as I got closer turned from funny to hysterical. The steer- figuring out that he couldn't go down the mountain (too steep of a drop) or up the side (too steep of a climb) decided that his only route was to haul ass down the road around the bends. And, that he did- dragging the 150 lb cowboy in his no-grip boots behind him. America, I would like to introduce you to Cow Skiing- Montana style.
Picture if you will the pristine road conditions that allow no-grip, leather bottom boots to slide down the road effortlessly as you are being pulled by 300-400 lbs of angry brisket. The cowboy (as he will be referred to in the rest of this because I never did ask his name?!?!) started off taking the proper towing stance as if gliding across beautiful lake waters behind a ski boat. All was going well until he hit that little imperfection in the road which blew his legs apart and he was forced into the "Dear God, just let me keep my feet underneath me!" full blast run while still trying to hold onto the rope. This went on down the road and around the bend. The cowboy would find his feet then get jerked right back off of them again. It looked like the steer just got married and was dragging that bouncing bundle of tin and coke cans behind it in celebration.
I stopped laughing long enough to think, hmmm…. Maybe I can get past the flailing cowboy and freight train steer and jackknife the truck in front of the steer to get him stopped. I pulled behind the cowboy- hoping that he didn't finally lose his feet and I wind up running over him! I got around him and the steer and made an unsuccessful attempt to cut him off. The pissed off bundle of hamburger just edged up the hill a little and went around. I tried to back up fast because I knew he was about to pull the cowboy straight through and I didn't want him to become a rear bumper dent that his children could look at and fondly remember their father.
I backed up and he shot past me with a very distinct, "Oh dear God- please try again!" look on his face. I threw the truck in go again and made another attempt. This time the steer went to the edge of the road on the down slope. I tried to cut him off without going over the edge but the steer blew past again. I cleared the way for the cowboy's flight path and then caught up to him, rolled down my window (and took a moment to soak in the expression on his face) and told him to try and get the rope around my grille guard and cinch it down to stop him.
It took him a second to understand my concept but then got a huge grin on his horrified face and gave me the "running nod". I sped up and jackknifed the truck into the rope hoping to give him a little time to try and trap it into an edge and give him a chance to start wrapping it. Apparently I didn't go far enough down the rope to give him time and his poor hands just plowed into the grille and then he commenced to skiing again. I just cringed hoping I didn't just break his hands but seeing how he still had the death grip on the rope eased it. I pulled past him and tried again further on down the rope. Of course the steer thought I was chasing him so he sped up.
The second shot worked. The cowboy managed to trap the rope in an edge which promptly jerked the steer sideways and gave the cowboy time to wrap a loop and tie it off. I told him I'd drag the steer back to his trailer if he could get it tied good enough. Between gasping breaths and big grins, he said, "Man am I glad you came by!". While we were having polite chat time- the 300-400 lbs of pissed off sausage mix was throwing a hissy fit. He managed to jerk the rope past his front legs and now had it square in the middle of his torso instead of his neck.
For those of you not familiar with calf roping or team roping- trying to get control over an animal (especially a large, pissed off one) by any other means except their head is pretty much just an exercise in how to get your ass kicked. So, seeing that the steer was about to work his way out of the rope and any hope of ever getting him to the trailer- I launched out of the truck and the cowboy grabbed onto the rope and ran down it trying to get a hold of the steer. Since the rope was in the middle of the steer- he could pretty much go any way he wanted- forward, backward, sideways, over us, through us, etc. Basically, what it looked like was that carnival ride where there is that airplane attached to the big pole that spins around and around for the little kids to ride- with the big pole being the rope. Anywhere the steer ran, he either blew threw us or took us out with the rope. I ran to my truck trying to find my rope but of course I had taken all the stuff I keep in the back of the truck into the house when I took the recent road trip. The cowboy's truck was too far down the road to try and make it there and back before the jumping, bucking and snotting stew meat got loose.
Seeing this was going nowhere fast, I ran back and yelled out that we should try and flip him off his feet so we could at least get him down. That went surprisingly well and all three of us hit the pavement in the middle of the road with me and the cowboy laying on top of the pissed off hot dog filler. While we were all lying there, all that was audible was gasping sounds of breath from everyone. I took a moment to imagine what this scene would look like to anyone who may drive up. My truck was jackknifed in the middle of the road, there was a rope tied to my grille guard and two people were lying on a big steer on the center stripe. I just started laughing. Then the cowboy started laughing. I asked him if he had his coffee yet and he said he was trying to get a sip when all hell broke loose. The cowboy said, "I was so happy when I saw you pull in front of him! I'm sure glad you showed up!" I told him I would have never guessed I'd be doing this when I woke up this morning. But, I was glad to help!
After having a few seconds to get his breath, the cowboy tried to get the rope back up around the steer's neck. The steer was having nothing to do with that and commenced to doing anything he could to try and get back up. Thankfully we both latched on like baby monkeys to their momma about to jump across trees and pinned his legs and head where he couldn't move. As it was becoming clear that we were either going to have to let him back up or try and configure another way- a truck and trailer pulled around the bend towards us. The cowboy let out a thankful yell and said that was his "crew". Another truck and trailer came in behind them. I wish I had been able to take a picture of this whole thing- but mostly of the looks on the "crew's" faces when they came around the bend. There were his buddies in the trucks with their jaws dropped and then they went into big grins and laughing. I was laughing right along with them knowing what this must look like.
The "crew" piled out of their trucks and looked over the whole situation and we exchanged "Good Morning!" as the cowboy and I just laid there on top of the steer and they poked fun at him. One of the crew looked at the rope tied off to my grille guard and said, "That's quite a rigging you got there!". The cowboy joked that if the steer had been tied off to the grille guard of a Chevrolet truck instead of a Ford, he would have just jerked the whole thing off. We all laughed and they got the steer configured with more ropes for proper control.
Once they got all the ropes in the right places and untied him from my grille guard, we got off of him and let him up- to which he immediately went back into hissy fit mode again. He managed to get tangled up in the ropes and threw himself to the ground and just laid there. He was about 20 feet from the trailer they had ready for him. One of the crew said, "Well, let's see if we can get him in there alive". One of the other crew said, "Alive?". The crew man said, "Yeah, alive would be nice". As the laughter finished, the steer decided he was too mad to move so had to be literally drug all the way to the trailer and then when he finally got up he cemented his feet and locked his legs where he had to forced in by the "rope pulley system" around his butt and body. Once he was in and the gate was shut, everyone just grinned and laughed- enjoying the moment of accomplishment. I took a moment to survey all the cow crap and debris that I now had on as fashion accessories.
One of the crew asked me, "How did you come to be such a good hand at this?!" I told him I've done it a day or two in my life and just laughed. I shook their hands, told them, "Good morning!" again and headed off to my truck. On my way to it, the cowboy yelled out, "Thanks again! If I see you at the bar, I'll buy you a beer!". I didn't get any of their names and never said mine- but I got a great memory. Cow skiing in Montana. What an awesome way to start the morning.
Heather Montana
Ok- So other than taking pictures of Timmy, Apache and birds that have apparently flown TO ME to have their picture taken, I haven't gotten out there and done any trekking or adventures lately. I've been focused on moving, getting things organized and settling into the "backwoods living" routine. I've fallen into this "you're living in the middle of the dream, why drive to go see anything more?" mentality. I need to SNAP OUT OF IT! I would have snapped out of it during my latest days off but since it rained pretty much non-stop all three days, I figured I'd save my camera from the drenching sprinkles. So, I just reorganized my backpack and got everything ready to go for the next available day of joy in the Mother Land.
I recently had the chance to take pictures of the Great Falls area and came to the screeching realization that uh.... there's hardly anything "naturally pretty" in or around Great Falls. No hard feelings there, but uh- all city and no wild things with hooves and no mountains to keep me intrigued is a hard sell. Great Falls pretty much reinforced everything I dislike about mankind (in case I had forgotten). I actually saw a beaver swimming the bank line of the Missouri River in the middle of the city living environment- it just seemed so unnatural and out of place. I wanted to run and get my camera, but then I looked at the surroundings of nothing but buildings, power lines, trash and debris. The only thing that would have been pretty would have been the beaver. I did a pouty lip and felt sad for it.
I decided I had better look for the postive things and found it with Great Falls in my rear view mirror headed for a mountain pass. Now that is happiness! I'm not sure how I made it all the years without being able to see a mountain. My soul just takes a deep breath and says to itself- "Home".
So, I plan to get out of my cozy corner of paradise and mingle again with the rest of the mountains of my soul. They are calling me. I'm due for some more elk, moose and bear pictures (and whatever else wanders within view). I'm seeing my earlier adventures as just stepping stones to what is ahead. The adventures will be bigger, better, longer and full of more understanding and appreciation of what is out there to experience.
I hope to bring you along for the ride.
Life is just beginning.
Heather Montana
Since moving to Montana, I can definitely say I've "aged". I used to be mistaken for being 5-6 years under my age. Now- not so much. The climate here is very dry and my being the fair-haired, freckle-skinned, white girl hasn't helped much either with the intense sun at high altitudes. I slather on maximun intensity lotion several times a day just for it to feel like I'm related to alligators seconds later. I loved my Grandfather dearly, but Papaw- you're hands don't look so good on me.
The wrinkles that hinted they were there before have come out of the closet. I have that weird between the eyes "butt crack" thing going on. It looks like I'm always furrowing my brow at something. The bags of Sampsonite luggage under my eyes always look like I'm packed for travel but didn't rest up for the trip.
What's with the eye shadow clumping up in loose skin when I put it on? Have I become a Sharpei? Is that seriously a grey hair I just plucked out of my EYEBROW?!?! What tha?!?!
Physically, I've always been "thick" in stature being compared to those really sturdy bathroom buildings (brick shit houses), and am ever familiar with remarks that I should have "played women's football", "hockey" or some other sport requiring the activity of throwing one's physical stature around. However, lately I've noticed the tendency of not just fullfilling my nick name of "Quarter Horse Ass", but also in some people actually thinking I'm "fat" (mainly just from rude men who like stick figure Barbie Dolls).
Then there is the ever present indication that I'm not attached to a man by the always tan (sans the white ring mark) area on the ring finger on my left hand. Was this finger area always tan? No, it just has been for a long time now.
I will admit- "back in the day" I would turn heads when guys saw me. Now, they uh... well, they mainly just turn (and walk away). Here's the funny part. I don't miss it. I know what the "old days" turn and look was usually about or motivated by- and those days of the chase and frolick are just "yawn" material for me now. The old days of head games, let's pretend we're someone we're not so someone will like me or I gotta make myself pretty to catch anything that moves so I won't be alone.... wow. How sad.
I faced the facts a long time ago that I'm not in the "breeding pool" category anymore since I think I'm past the "should be popping out kids age". It's biologically still possible, but what you can do and what you should do sometimes shouldn't mix. Women in my "pool" aren't breeders anymore and anyone interested in swimming in this pool isn't interested in "settling down". Men in this age range have been there and done that- they mainly just want to "play" or are interested in seeing if their boys can still swim in the breeder pool. More power to them. So, women in my pool range either have to be content with being single, settling for "players" or find themselves dipping into the tadpool lounge for a little cougar action. More power to them.
There is the belief among the vast majority of people (regardless of culture) that a woman is not complete without a man and it is IMPOSSIBLE to be happy alone. Impossible. Single women are sad, lonely, widowers or so homely or deformed no one must want them. Eating alone in public or seeing a movie by oneself is looked upon by others as something to be pittied and in the back of people's heads they are saying, "Please don't ever let that be me".
A lot of women fall to the pressures of these things. They pay thousands of dollars and hours of time out of their weekly lives trying to keep steps ahead of the wrinkle fairy, the fat fairy and joining every possible dating site or social club around. They inject, pluck, dye, burn off, rip off, suck it in, spanx it and even surgically remove any indications that they have lived a day outside the womb. They strive to be perfect, to look like the magazines say we should look and do their best to hide any flaws they may have. To be over a size 6, single or in any way looking "old" is just not acceptable.
Huh. Wow. Uhm... I need to check my calendar and see if I can schedule in time to care about these things. Yeah, uh, still looking. Uhmmmmmm.... nope. Looks like I'm all booked up with let's see here... "living" oh and uh, "more living", oh, here's some "having fun" and here is a block of time set aside for "an adventure".... Yeah, I'm just not seeing where I can fit that in.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not interested in looking like the ass end of a dog. Even I manage to raise a little eyebrow when I see the "all natural" women walking around whose armpits have never seen a razor and whose experience with makeup ends with a flavored chapstick. I don't have anything against small efforts to "enhance what God gave you with things God provided". But, I just really don't give a crap if somone thinks I look old or fat or has a problem with me sitting by myself because I'm not attached to a man. It's their problem to deal with, not mine.
Now, I'm going to shock some of you here- are you ready? It IS POSSIBLE to be VERY HAPPY and PERFECTLY CONTENT while being single! Yes! Call CNN.
I can go anywhere I want to go. I can do anything I want to do. I don't have to pick up after anyone, listen to snoring, argue about anything or even worry about the toilet seat! I can have my toilet paper ROLLED OVER instead of under! I don't have to explain myself, ask permission or suffer through thousands of life long moments of someone picking their nose, cutting their toenails or farting under the covers (it's the little things that make you insane you know). I haven't met a project yet (that I wanted to do) that I couldn't accomplish simply because I wasn't attached to something swinging a penis. I can pay my own bills, take care of myself and make myself happy in being able to do the things that truly fill my heart.
At least twice a week I hear the question (from well intending people) asking, "Don't you have anyone to help you with that?". My response is always, "I have Timmy, but he doesn't have thumbs so it limits his capabilities a lot". The funny part is that I say it to lighten their heart- I'm not saying it to make me feel better. It's their issue, not mine. And, then of course I get the, "But whose going to take care of you when you get old?" Uh, hello- I'm already old!! HAHAHAHA!! But, I know what they mean. My answer- God. He's done a darn good job to date- I have faith he's got that part taken care of too. If I'm lucky, I'll come to an ending that doesn't involve burdening anyone and could possibly feed forest creatures. (grin).
Now, to answer the always present question on people's minds: Do I hate men? Of course not. I don't hate anyone. There are some AWESOME men in this world and I am very lucky to know many of them. Would I be in a relationship if a good one came along? Of course I would. I'm just not desperate for anyone or going to settle when I'm already happy. If the right one comes along- I'll make sure he's the happiest man in the world. Until then- I'm still the happiest girl.
So what about the "fat" and the "old" parts? Well, that's just me. I've lived this life. I have earned every wrinkle I have. Each tells a story. If I go injecting stuff into them or cutting them out- that would be like jerking chapters out of my biography. I'm not sure about that freakin grey eyebrow hair thing- that was just weird. And, with the "fat" part. Who cares if I'm not a size 6? I don't. I've never had the dream of being a model and I'm as healthy as any person can be. Besides, these quarter horse haunches haul me up mountains, cut cords of firewood, haul 50 lbs feed sacks & backpacks and let me do things "dainty little things" couldn't do. And, if the grocery stores ever shut down or I got stuck somewhere in the winter, I could live off my "reserves" for months! I've always said if all my dimples were on my face, I'd be too cute to be seen in public.
So, here's the deal. I'm me. I'm me with all the "flaws" that come with being me. Don't like it? Tough. I like me. I'm old, fat and single. And, I've never been happier. So, what if more comes my way or life changes you ask? Then I will roll with it and always make the best of what life has to offer. Could I get any happier? It would be hard to imagine, but I look forward to the challenge.
So, what prompted this post you ask? Life- the challenges it presents to us every day. We can either face the pressures and decide they are just not worth our time and be happy with ourselves or run from them. You know my answer. (grin).
So, I'm off to live life, take some AWESOME pictures and share the love.
Peace, love and turtle doves!
Heather Montana
I have often told people about this mysterious, repetitive thumping noise that I have heard while out and about hiking the back trails. Most of the time it is pretty far away- sometimes I am just barely able to hear it. It starts off with a thump, thump, thump.. and then qets faster and faster until the thumping just blurs into itself until it sounds like an automatic machine gun being fired.
I was out in the backwoods of Lincoln one time and had heard it many times. I decided to venture off on a road that was about to be washed out from a creek overflow. I had gotten out of the truck to survey whether I could actually make the crossing or if I should leave a note stuck to a tree to let someone know what direction to look for me when I floated down stream like an idiot.
I was standing there and I heard a LOUD thump, thump thump and before the haze of the rest of thumps had started in, I hit the ground like there was incoming weapons fire. It sounded like a 50 calibur machine gun going off over my head. I just laid there for a minute looking around- half way expecting to see a sign that I had unknowingly wandered onto some type of military training ground. Nothing. I got up and dusted the shame off and wandered around looking for whatever it was that sounded like it was about to send me to the final hiking grounds in the sky. Nothing. Everywhere I looked all I saw and flushed out were birds. I didn't think anything of it at the time.
Now I find out the birds (specifically the male grouse) was the culprit. Apparently when they are feeling in the mood- they get on a rock or log and "drum" with their wings (just beating the air). I've seen and heard some of the videos of this on the internet and have to admit, the videos don't come close to doing the sound justice. It is LOUD. It reverberates off the mountains it is so loud! It's not those prarie chicken birds that poof up and do the little foot dance, these are mid sized birds (apparently very good eatin') that blend in pretty well to the underbrush.
I'm just happy to finally learn the culprit and that a secret infantry battalion has not been following me around every place I go just to pull a really good practical joke or convince me I was the only one hearing things. As for the frisky male grouse- nature has one over cell phone companies! I get the grouse signal just fine in the backwoods!!
Heather Montana
*Note- you might want to go get a cup of coffee or a coke, this is a long one!! :)
Ok, I have a lot of humble pie to eat. For weeks I taunted you all about moving to the new place. Throwing out there taunts like the year round creek by the house, the mountains, the views, the hiking and the wildlife. I’ve been talking about slowly moving in and how it felt like I had a “summer house” to go play at for awhile. I taunted with pictures and stories of the oddball things I have been doing out here (like creek laundry). Normally, I’m a pretty humble person. I don’t usually brag or taunt. For some reason, I did with this house. And, God was apparently staring down at me tapping his finger on his fabulous log cabin balcony (that’s how I had always envisioned Heaven anyway) and saying, “Hmmm, looks like I need to send a reminder of why being humble is good”.
So, May 1st, 2010 was the official move in day. I had a friend scheduled to help me move all the big stuff. But, then I realized I have to have all the stuff out and the other place cleaned and ready on that date too! No way! Not enough time! So, me being me, I went ahead and loaded everything up in the trailer. This is on Friday, April 30th.
I had moved Apache out to the new place the day before on the 29th. There was plenty of lush green grass and it was beautiful. He thought he had been dropped off in Nirvana! His response upon getting out of the trailer: What?!? All the green grass and fresh water I can stand and no other horses to kick my ass and eat my share of food every time I turn around?!? Crazy talk! He then threw his half-Arabian tail in the air and made victory laps around the new place. So, I left him there overnight with his blanket on in case it got cold. I was going to be moving out the next day so things should be fine. Yeah. Thank GOD I put his blanket on. Little did I know….
So, on the 30th I’m loading up the rest of the stuff at the old place. It starts to snow. I’m thinking, “It’s almost May and it’s snowing again. Typical”. But in the valley, it often does not stick around and doesn’t get more that a few inches so I proceeded on. About 5 pm I got everything crammed into the back of the truck and the trailer was full. Finally!! Everything is loaded! I’ll finally be in the other place full time! I can’t wait for my first night in my bed staring out the huge windows at the mountains around me! Yipee!!! So, off Timmy and I go with the final load.
A side note here. I am often asked how in the heck I am able to move everything by myself. I’ll just say this. I grew up military. I married military and I lived military most of my life. The one thing you become expert at by default is moving. Since I’m not big on asking for help and butting into other people’s lives and schedules, I’ve just figured out how to do it all myself. I have adapted to living with only keeping what I need or use. I have very few “nick-nacks”. My personal rule is that if I can’t move it myself, I don’t keep it. I have also learned how to use physics & “cheater tips” to my advantage (pivot points, “walking furniture” and sliders like cardboard pieces to help make heavy things drag with ease). Thankfully I’m also constructed with a little brawn (and of course the quarter horse ass) that certainly helps moving the big stuff. If I was a 98 lb dainty girly-girl worried about my fingernails, moving my own things probably wouldn’t have become a routine. Those things with a little time and patience seems to get the job done.
And now back to the events of moving day….
So, the Timmy and I are headed out to the new place in the gently falling snow. We pass by the local friendly bar/restaurant and I remember saying in my head, “Gee, there is a lot of snow on the ground. But, the road looks good and it sure is pretty”. I did make a mental note that the snow was falling heavier and thicker. We keep going, and going and going. The further we got down the road the deeper and harder the snow became.
About 3 miles from the house, all the tire tracks in the road snow stopped. There were random “turn around” marks where you could see people changed their minds and went back. But, there was still one set still going on. The snow was about 8 inches deep now. I kept thinking, “Surely it’s not going to get deeper than this and there is one set still going on- so someone is still out there!”. So, I kicked the truck into 4 wheel low and continued on.
Since the trailer is wider than the truck, it was making it’s own set of tracks and was adding a lot of drag the deeper it got. Not having a lot of grip left on the truck tire treads didn’t add to the joy.
About a mile later the thoughts running through my head went something like this: “Holy crap. This is a lot of snow”. “Maybe I should turn around and go back to the other house. Oh wait, all my crap is packed up!”. “Oh my gosh, I hope Apache is ok!” . “No, I should really turn around”. “Oh, here’s a possible spot!”. “Oh crap, why is the snow pack jack-knifing my trailer into the bank?!?”. “Have I made a will?”. “Will the headlines read, “Dog survives winter storm by eating dead owner in truck?”. Then the final thought after realizing I was pretty much screwed, “I still see the one set of tire tracks- I’ll keep trying!”. So, I kept on.
Nearing the bend to the house, I see a truck pulled into a gated entrance easeway. It was an electric company workman’s truck. There is the vehicle belonging to the set of tire tracks I had been following and counting on as hope I could do it. The tracks stopped where he stopped. The snow was over 1 ½ feet deep now. I just remember uttering, “Holy crap”. I stopped in the road and contemplated options. It didn’t take long since there was only one. I couldn’t turn around. It was literally impossible. The only choice was to go forward until I couldn’t go anymore. So, I pushed on.
As I passed the electric truck, I saw the workman off the road wading through knee deep snow heading back to his truck. He saw me pass and just stopped mid-step like, “What tha?”. It was apparent he didn’t expect to see anyone. No one with any intelligence I’m guessing. In my mirror I saw him get in his truck and head back the way he came. The thought, “Damn! My only human safety net gone!” rattled around. I went over more headlines in my head, “Montana circus gypsy & wonder dog found dead in backcountry. Traveled with entire contents of home but with no common sense”.
At this point the truck was doing it’s best to push through the pack dragging the weight of the trailer making it’s own path behind it. I kept heading down the bend to the open spot where I could start seeing the house and all the unbelievable snow (that was still coming down). I followed the road down to the area of my entrance gate and just stopped. I had been looking for Apache and couldn’t see him anywhere. This was the first of many utterances of the phrase, “What have I done?!?”. I left a perfectly good house in the valley where it is always snug and warm, Apache was ok and we were safely within distance of town. Am I an idiot?!?
I’m scanning across the pasture like a coyote looking for a mouse in a bush. My head is bobbing all around, up, down and sideways trying to see him anywhere. “Oh my God. What have I done to Apache?!? Where was he?! Where did he go?! Was he alive?! Was he buried somewhere under all that snow?! Did he somehow get out?!”. I rolled down the window of the truck and started yelling his name. Nothing. I opened the door and stood on the step bar and kept yelling and looking. Nothing. Again, “What have I done?!?!”. Suddenly Timmy’s ears pricked up and I saw movement. In the very corner of the pasture, up on a small incline and behind a snow covered cedar tree- Apache’s head was poking out. I called him again and he bounded down the snow bank and whinnied. I interpreted the whinny as, “What the hell?!?! Are you insane leaving me out here?! Where have you been?! I’m freakin wet and cold!! I see you have the trailer ready- load my ass back up and take me back to the valley! Did you bring me hay?! What have you done ?!!!” OK, so maybe my guilt added to the actual meaning of his whinny but until there are interpreters, I’m going with mine. There was no misinterpretation that he was definitely happy to see us.
Once relieved that Apache was alive. I faced the reality of “the gate and driveway situation”. The entrance to the place is already a tight fit in trying to turn into it from the road just with just the truck itself. The road is pretty narrow and doesn’t allow for much swing out to make the turn into the entrance without knocking your mirrors off or ramming the gate posts into your doors or back end. I normally pull forward down the road a little and back down into the drive. The driveway down to the house (not paved) is pretty narrow too. If you don’t back down it you either have to try and back out up the steep incline onto the road (basically blind to what may be coming) or continue on over the narrow creek bridge and turn around in the tight spot by the barn. Bottom line is it’s best to back in. That’s just normally the situation. Now add the length and weight of a big trailer and a massive amount of snow to the mix. Yeehaw.
In my head I mapped out the swing out spots, the distance I’d have to pull forward, the point in which I’d have to start swinging the trailer end around, etc. Then, I looked at the gate and realized it was shut because Apache was in there. It had about 2 feet of snow blocking it shut. The snow in the drive was deeper than the snow on the road. Holy crap. I figured I’d get the trailer at least backed up to the gate and then dig the gate out at that point. No one should be coming by so I wouldn’t have the road blocked for long. From that point, hopefully the weight of the trailer would do it’s own job of clearing a path when backing it down all the way to the house. Yeah, that was my theory anyway. Note to self: Your theory was wrong.
So, with all this mapped out as the plan in my head, I put the truck into drive and started the first swing out maneuver. At which point the weight of the trailer started sliding sideways and promptly jack knifed the tongue and back end of the truck right into the ditch. Uh, wait. Didn’t I have this carefully planned out? This was NOT in my planning phase! Who penciled this part in?! What tha?!?! Oh crap. The more I tried to correct it, the more the weight of the trailer pulled the entire truck into the bank. The trailer was going no where but the truck was happily digging itself deeper and deeper into the snow.
I’m not sure how long I sat there with Timmy looking at me with that tone in his eyes saying, “Genius, now look what you’ve done”. I’m pretty sure it was at least 5 minutes. Then reality finally hit. A little stewardess voice popped into my head and said, “Thank you for traveling Arctic Express. Please place your trays in the upright and locked position and exit the vehicle on the left. Please watch for items that may fall from any overhead compartments. Have a nice day. Now get out”. To which I grabbed the keys, shoved my door open into the snow bank with my legs and stepped out onto the snow covered running board of my truck. At that point I promptly slipped off the running board straight down into waist deep snow in the embankment. Timmy must have thought I was willingly doing this because he happily launched himself out of the seat and also promptly disappeared down into the snow bank next to me. I just sat there for a second looking at the hole in the snow he just disappeared into- half way expecting him to come shooting back up out of it like a rocket. Yeah, uh… no. All I saw was a brief skirmish and then a nose.
I fetched him out of his hole and attempted to toss him into the shallow part of the bank. That went unremarkably well. He plowed his way back to the more manageable snow on the road. I just leaned forward and “swam” through it back to the road. THANK GOD I had put my flannel lined work pants and cold weather boots on before I left. All the rest of my stuff was packed away or already in the house. At least I was dressed for the occasion.
Once on the road I stepped back and looked over the entirely new situation I had just created for myself. Great. The back end of the trailer was blocking the road. There was nothing but 2 + feet of snow for someone to have to try and get through to go around. The only solace I had at the moment was that at least I was right in front of the house!
After pondering the situation, the only options I came up with was to either go get the snow shovel at the house (which I had thankfully bought at my favorite thrift store several days earlier for a whole $3.00!) or calling someone to either come pick me up and take me back to a hotel or try and tow me out. But, I have a limited amount of insane friends willing to even consider driving out in this freak storm and even a more limited number with the equipment or vehicles capable of doing it (I figured the number to be at about 0). Then I realized that no tow truck company in their right mind was going to drive this far out in this weather to move a truck 50 feet. So, shovel it was.
Timmy and I waded through the snow down to the house stopping along the way to dish out some grain for Apache that I had thankfully brought out with him (in the little metal trash can sitting by the fence in the pictures). He was batting winks at me with eyes as he was chomping up huge amounts at a time like he was starving to death (yeah, from a whole day of not being fed). Or, the winking could have just been the snow he was trying to keep out of his eyeballs. Now that I think about it, I’m going with the snow.
We get to the house, unlock the door and discover- no electricity. Gee, that’s why the electric truck was down the road. Nice. No power. I went to the phone to see if I could make a call and guess what- the phone doesn’t work when there’s no power. In my lack of memory wisdom, I had bought one of those phones that has a walk around handset and answering machine built in at my favorite thrift store in anticipation of having a land line again. The problem is with these, when the power goes out- your phone doesn’t work. Why hadn’t I remembered this from previous experiences of living in places that lost power any time someone farted is beyond me. I was kicking myself hard. No land line, no cell phone reception for at least 11 miles down the road, no power and stuck in the freakin road. Awesome. It was one of those moments in life that you dare not ask what else can possibly go wrong- because something will just to prove to you that it CAN get worse. I kept my mouth shut.
So, I could either suck it up and try and dig myself out with the snow shovel or go inside, shut the door and just sit in there pouting like a sissy girl. I’m not much on pouting or being a sissy girl. I still had a couple hours of daylight left so I decided to see what I could do before it got too dark to see.
So, we headed back up to the road with the shovel. I don’t know why I didn’t just leave Timmy in the house so he could stay dry?!?. He sat in the snow and watched as I dug out three of the truck tires and was working on a path around the trailer when I heard someone driving down the road. I figured it was the electricity workman guy again but to my surprise it was a group of guys & a couple dogs in a Jeep Cherokee!
The guys were out just driving around looking at the snow pack after stopping at the local friendly bar to partake of a few beverages. They introduced themselves as Cory, Buddy and Shane. They immediately went into “let’s get it done” mode and contemplated ways of getting the truck, the trailer or both the truck and trailer out. Long story short, the trailer was just too much weight so I unhooked and they pulled my truck onto the road. Now granted, I had already dug out the tires and now that the weight of the trailer was no longer there, I probably could have gotten out by myself. BUT, I’m happy to give Cory the bragging rights of saying his Jeep Cherokee pulled out a Ford 4x4!
We all pondered again the possibilities of getting the trailer out. But, seeing the issues with getting it turned and then backed down into the snow filled driveway even if we got it unstuck- the decision was to just leave it where it was since people could now get past it on the road. They decided to keep on driving down the road to see how deep it got and said they would stop on the way back to see if there was anything else they could do to help out. So, off they went.
At the point the truck was unstuck I could have just headed back to town, got a hotel room and called it a night. But, I didn’t have a lock for the trailer door and didn’t want to drive all the way into town and not be around if the snow (which was still falling pretty heavily) blocked someone from being able to get past it. At least my truck was on the other side of it and if someone needed a ride to the end of the road or needed help I would be at the house to help out since I created part of the problem! So, I decided to just stay and try and make the best of it.
I started digging the gate open while my truck sat there in the middle of the road waiting on me. After what seemed like hours of digging- I managed to get about 30 feet of the driveway cleared out so I could pull the truck down into it and close the gate behind it. Cory and the guys came back about this time and assessed the situation to be the same (best to leave the trailer in the road for now). I heartily thanked them for deciding to go joyriding in the area (it worked out great for me!) and for their help. I gave them my website link and promised to (and did) post their picture for great memories of good people!
Since my truck was now free and backed down into the drive, I decided to just keep shoveling all the way down to the house so I could unload what was in the truck into the house. I finally got it all done and unloaded. I had spent the first part of the day moving all the big stuff into the trailer and packing the rest into the truck. I was already tired at that point. Then the rest of the day was spent shoveling what seemed to be tons of snow and unloading the truck. I could barely lift my arms and move my legs, my back was killing me, I was soaking wet from the snow and sweat and I was cold.
It was starting to get dark so I snapped a few more pictures to capture the moments. Once I figured there was nothing else I could do, we headed inside. Since there was no power, the only heat source was the wood stove. But, then I realized the wood I had gathered on a prior outing was all under the snow drift behind the house. Not only was the wood covered, the back doors were snowed shut. Holy crap. More shoveling. I felt like I was in slow motion but eventually got to where I could get the doors open without mounds of snow piling in the house, got the wood tarp undone and hauled some dry pieces in the house.
Thankfully the fire started right up with my ever proven emergency fire starter technique (shredded paper, twigs and lighter fluid!!!) and the house warmed up shortly. I was also VERY thankful to find that there was still hot water left from the power outage and took the opportunity to get a hot shower while I could. It then clicked in my head that there was no power to use my hair dryer. I decided to jump in the truck and crank up the heater and use the vents to do it that way. It was nice and toasty and though not real efficient- it eventually got the job done. One drawback to having long hair. It takes forever to dry! Glad I had enough gas!! While I was out there I decided to head back up to the trailer and make sure everything was still in one piece and retrieved the gallon of milk & some other items sitting in the back so I could have a bowl of cereal later.
Since the wood stove was now cranking away, I used the tea kettle pot I had brought in to heat up water and had some hot chocolate! Mmmmmm….. Yummy. I fed Timmy his treats & a bowl of milk and downed a bowl of cereal before deciding to call it a day. I had fortunately packed the foam bed liner and sheets in the back of the truck so I had them to put on the floor to crash on. There was an air cot already in the house but I decided to see how the foam padding and sheets worked out. Note to self: They didn’t work out. Use the stupid air cot next time genius- that’s what it’s for.
And I am PROUD to say I used the big slate rock that I talked about in my cavewoman post as a bed warmer!!! It was ssoooooo warm! It had been sitting on top of the wood stove getting nice and hot. I wrapped it up in a towel and stuck it in between the sheets before I got in. Oh my goodness. It was so nice to crawl into!!! (I’ve used it every day since then too!!).
I just got in the makeshift bed giving up all worries and having faith that tomorrow would bring new, good things. And, I apologized to God once again for bragging so much about this place. Move in day would be nothing to brag about! It had only been a lesson in how little control we really have over anything and my duct taping the “humble” mouth filter back on that had apparently fallen off at some point.
During the night I had to get up a couple times to throw logs on the fire, but it stayed pretty warm. The electricity had flickered at one point but never succeeded in coming on. Despite the hot bath, I was so, so sore. I was feeling pretty guilty about Apache being out there in the blowing wind and snow. The snow had blocked the barn doors shut and I was so preoccupied doing other stuff I never got over there to shovel them out. I'm not sure if I could have lifted my arms to do it. I felt like a bad Mommy. I prayed that he would stay safe and as comfortable as possible hiding up by his cedar tree in his blanket. I hugged my hot rock and fell asleep with Timmy at my feet.
The Next Morning.
The next morning a little after 7 am I woke up hearing faint beeping sounds. I just laid there wondering where the hell it was coming from since there was no electricity and my cell phone had been turned off so the battery didn’t run down. I couldn’t figure it out so I got up and started looking out the windows. Imagine my surprise when I saw my trailer hooked up to a big white truck & heading down the road!! Holy crap! Someone was taking my trailer!! I ran for the door grabbing my camera on the way (thinking I would at least get a picture of whom ever was taking my trailer), ran out the door with no shoes on and in my pajamas yelling, “That’s my trailer! Hey!! My trailer!!” Since it never stopped snowing over night, there was now 2 ½ feet of snow on the ground and holy crap was it cold.
I kept yelling and eventually the person heard me and stopped! A man got out of the truck and I yelled that it was my trailer! He said he worked for the city and it was blocking the city truck garbage from passing. I yelled to him a brief synopsis of what happened and he and another man who had come into view kind of looked at each other like, “Are you kidding me?”. While they stood there pondering the events I ran inside and put on some snow boots, a jacket, hat and headed up the driveway to them. On they way up I noted how a fresh new 6 inches of snow had undone most of my driveway clearing efforts the night before. I got to the top of the drive and filled the guys in on more detail of what happened and that all my stuff from moving was still in the trailer they now had hooked to their truck.
Their annoyance at my trailer blocking their path eventually turned into a look of pity and they very kindly offered to help get the trailer into the drive. There was however a new problem. A snow plow had just been by and plowed all the snow from the road into my driveway opening. So, now there was a 4 foot wide 2 foot tall bank of snow blocking it again. I couldn’t get my truck out nor could they back the trailer in. The truck driver (now known as Dave) said he would help me shovel it back out. I ran back to the house and got my shovel and discovered he didn’t have one in his truck. He kindly took mine and started shoveling.
About 6-7 scoops into the pile of muck, the snow plow comes back around the turn and the driver sees he had blocked me in with the muck pile. He made a couple of passes and also cleared out a swing out spot where the trucks could pull forward and back the trailer down into the drive. Then he took off! I didn’t get a chance to thank him or get his picture (He did come back by later that night and apologized for blocking the drive- he didn’t realize anyone was living here. He said his name was Lonnie and gave me his cell phone number in case it got really bad on the roads again and to call him when it did! Nice!!).
So Dave (and the other city worker by the name of Ben) helped unstick the trailer and Dave backed it down to the house for me once I got my truck dug out again from the snow. What could have turned out to be a really bad day turned out to be REALLY GREAT thanks to Dave, Ben and Lonnie and their willingness to be so kind and help out! I got a picture of Ben and Dave. They headed out and I made sure they knew they were welcome to stop by for coffee anytime and GREATLY appreciated their help!!!
I was breathing a huge sigh of relief having the trailer now backed up right to the house. I could finally unload everything and get back to the other house to clean up and be completely finished! I pondered for a second what the outcome may have been if the city truck hadn't had that annoying safety beeping sound when put in reverse. If that hadn't woken me up- I wondered how things would be different right now. After taking a moment to be grateful for annoying safety measures on trucks and being a light sleeper, I moved on to my main priority at the moment- digging out the barn doors so Apache could get out of the snow and dry off. Timmy and I plodded through the knee deep snow and finally got the doors unstuck and put Apache in. He stayed in there a couple hours finally getting dry and then decided he wanted back out to eat more grain. I put a new (dry) blanket on him and he was a MUCH happier horse. While shoveling, I got some more pictures of the views.
With that done, I started unloading the trailer and eventually got it all unpacked and in the house. It took me a couple hours to get everything put together and set up. Then came the realization that I needed to do something with the trailer to get it out of the way. So, another hour long snow shoveling adventure took place to get a path next to the house where it could be backed in and unhooked.
This is where I realized my “theory” that the weight of the trailer would just push the snow out of the way or go through it when backing it up. I should have taken the clue when I first tried to back up coming down the road. The trailer had jack knifed then. I wasn’t sure at that time if it was just “user error” or the snow. Turns out, it was the snow. So, it was either shovel or it stays where it is.
I had first tried backing the trailer up without shoveling out a path for it. Yeah, that was hysterically annoying. The snow just packed up in the fender wells and jack knifed the end around in whatever direction it wanted to go. After 15 attempts of thinking the weight would eventually crush the snow down and it would back up, the realization that the trailer was just crushing the snow into mini ice slicks for the tires to slide recklessly across came to light. So, I got back to doing what worked- shoveling. My God, more shoveling.
After an hour of flinging snow and finally getting it parked I headed back to the house. I was ready to get dry and warm up. I was soaked from head to toe again from the snow and sweat. That feeling of being cold from the inside out was finally getting to me. I was ready to start another fire since the stove had already burned out while I was outside doing everything. Cold, wet and tired. What a familiar feeling. Didn’t I just do that last night?
I walked in the house and looked at where the wood for the stove SHOULD be stacked and realized I had used everything I had brought in the night before. Then I looked out the back doors at the 3 foot tall snow pile that had just slid off the roof onto the tarped wood pile and was also blocking the back doors shut again. Seriously? My God. More shoveling.
20 minutes later I had the back doors dug out, the wood pile uncovered and a fresh stack of new wood. The magic emergency fire starter system worked again and I stood there blissfully soaking in the warmth from the stove. I was soooo tired and sore. I knew there wasn’t any hot water left now for a shower or soaking bath. I just really wanted my morning cup of hot coffee. My creamer was sitting outside in the snow staying nice and cold. But, I didn’t have one of those campfire coffee percolators where you can make coffee outdoor style.
I just sat there for a second then got up and went in the kitchen to see if there was some way I could “MacGyver” a way to percolate and strain the coffee grounds I had. I had the tea pot and the grounds, but no filters (my coffee pot has the built in reusable filter). I couldn’t configure a way that wouldn’t resort to using a sock or wind up with towel fibers floating around in it. I could settle for hot chocolate again, but it’s just not the same. I just stood there in the kitchen and heard myself uttering out loud, “God, it sure would be nice if the electricity would come back on so I could have a cup of coff…Bbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, clink, flicker, lights come on, radio kicks on………… the power came back on. Let God strike me dead if it didn’t happen exactly like that at the exact moment I said it.
I just stood there dumbfounded. I wish I could have seen the look on my face. All of a sudden I felt like I was in kindergarten and I got that child-like grin and did the entire body cringe like the coolest thing in the entire world just happened. I was looking around like, “Did anyone else just witness that?!?” I looked up and said, “Thank you!!!”. Then I wondered, what if I had just asked yesterday?!?! Oh well!! I get hot coffee!! YIPEEEEEE!!!!!
I was a bit overzealous and made the pot too strong- but I savored every sip. An extra bonus was that the hot water heater was now working and I could take a hot bath and soak. Wow. The simple things in life are so awesome. God is awesome. That was no coincidence. You’ll never convince me it was. Out of the whole two day’s events that took place- that was the only time I ever asked for anything and he gave it to me. I just really wanted a cup of hot coffee. The rest (the freak snow storm, getting stuck, shoveling for hours, being out of contact, etc.) I had just accepted or waited on with faith that things would be ok- and they were.
Of all the things that happened that could have gone really wrong- nothing bad happened. Nothing was damaged. The truck, house, barn, trailer, any of my stuff in the move- nothing got a mark on it. No one was hurt. Apache, Timmy, me, the people who stopped and helped- all were fine. The whole thing was just an “inconvenience” of time and took effort to overcome the obstacles that came. What obstacles I could not overcome, I handed them over to God to handle for me. Such is life. Such is a good life.
So, that is the moving in story. I hope you got a good laugh, saw what I saw, felt what I felt and learned what I learned. Me being me, there are surely more adventures to come.
Living life humbly, gratefully and full of faith and love,
Heather Montana, Timmy the Wonder Dog and Apache the Super Horse.
I'm not sure why moving out to this new place seems to be affecting my "civilized" living capabilites, but I'm finding the stuff I am doing and coming up with hysterical. Can I actually become more uncivilized than I normally am? Yes. Apparently, it is possible. Some ask, "Why Heather, in this day and age of modern technology are you reverting back to cavewoman behavior?" My response: "Uh, have you met me? Is it really a stretch?" Some may say it's "crazy". Eh? I speak crazy.
As I have mentioned 7,500 times, there is a year round creek running next to the house I'll be moving into. While out there "goofing off" last week, I decided to try a new "modified" laundry technique. The logic? Maybe it will save me the long drive into town, having to keep bundles of quarters around and getting my clothes "fresher" than any new fangly washing machine. Those reasons and my apparent skin reaction to anything touching it other than water peaked my interest too. So, I decided to test the new technique while out there. I have dubbed it the, "Creek Fresh" laundry service.
Now, this isn't the typical washboard and rock technique. I'm modifying it a bit. Since the creek runs pretty fast (it will knock you off your feet if you're not careful) but it's not that deep, I figured I'd use the bridge over it as a "hooking on" platform for some rope "washing lines". My thought is: tie the rope to whatever it is you want washed, throw it into the creek, tie it off to the bridge and go about your business. No soap needed. Just let the mountain fed, clear rushing water clean it!!!.
Lazy you say? A mockery and slap in the face to all the previous rock beaters and washboard slaves?!? So, I won't get awards for sweat and tears. But, guess what?!?! It works!!! Within minutes they were clean!! It's also FREE and ECOLOGICALLY SAFE since there are no soaps (well except for the grime coming off me). It is a hysterical view though. It looks like there is a fishing line out in the stream and a piece of clothing was just caught. Not much of a fighter though when bringing it in.
So what about the drying you say? Nothing that a nice hang out in the sun and wind (also free) doesn't fix in less than an hour. Ahhhhh... nice fresh smell and no crappy soap residue! Well, there may be a crappy residue, but it will be fresh trout crap (and so far I have not noticed any smell:).
It got even funnier when I saw the trout gathering under it thinking it's a refuge on their way up (or down). I tried it with a huge comforter yesterday. When I pulled it up, 3 fish darted out from under it. Hmmmmmmm... note to self for later fishing expedition... trout like comforters.
I have not only used the creek for a washing machine, but it has also become a 2nd fridge. I stuck some beverages in there to see how long it would take it to cool them down and needless to say- it took less than 10 minutes.
Other natural resource opportunities being used: There are slate pieces that have made their way down the hill have become "pot and coffee mug resters" on the wood stove. They are actually really pretty in the different colors they have in them. And, since they naturally break off in thin flat layers, they make perfect "hot coasters" that won't burn.
I could even use them (or other random rocks) like in the old days when people used to put them in "bed warmers". They are metal, lidded, flat "pots on a long handle" that people used to warm over a heat source and then put under the covers to warm up the bed before they got in. I actually found some of these antique bed warmers at my favorite thrift store!!! MMMMMMMM..... warm sheets..........ahhhhhhhh.......
Hmmm.... a bed warmer may replace the usual winter routine of shoving a hairdryer set on high down my flannel pants (until parts almost singe) before I run and jump into the cold bed and pile of blankets! (no kidding, I actually do that). There's nothing like feeling snug and warm when it's 30 below outside!!
**Note to all potential future stunt people about to try this out- NEVER stick a blowdryer set on high down your pants (or up your shirt) when wearing ANY nightwear, undergarmet or jewelry that may contain metal (buttons or other materials) that conduct heat. Just saying. Not that there could possibly be a story behind that. Let's just say I lept out of bed faster than I jumped in (grin).
And how is the Timmy feeling about his new place? He has already figured out the route and gets really excited and starts "chatting" (his squeaks and ancy footwork) when we get to a certain spot on the trip. He realizes this isn't a picture taking outting- we're going to the other place.
He has already picked out his "corner of the yard" that allows him full view of every direction and over every dog treat he has stashed. His favorite pasttime so far is to go out one open glass door and sit in front of another closed glass door until I open it and let him in. Then he goes out the open door again and picks another glass door to sit in front of doing it all over again. He eventually runs out of glass doors and goes to the front door and sits (it's not glass so I can't see him). I don't know he's there so he goes to the window next to it and sits until I open the front door. I guess it's his way of just checking the "doorman service" at the new house. So far, no "cave dog" behavior.
It continues to be an adventure in new living! Despite my reverting to cavewoman behavior, I hereby pledge to continue to shave my legs and armpits. Even I would give a disapproving grunt at that.
Off to discover more ways to live ass backwards! It's a blast!
Heather Montana
First, let me apologize for having way too much fun sharing the pictures of my new abode. I was accused of rubbing it in a bit. Wha tha? Excuse me? Hugh? (grin). Ok, I was. I apologize.
I have already taken the album off because I'm rearranging things so it doesn't look the same anymore. I was asked if it was all one big open room. It is (except for the bathroom). It's a "studio" style house. No interior "room" walls. No matter where you are in the house (except for the bathroom), you can see out all the windows. I have dubbed the new abode:
"Heather Montana's House of Beautiful Views & Preservative Free Living"
(or HMHBVPFL- MNOPQRSTUVWXY & Z- thought I'd throw the rest of the alphabet in there while I was at it- I have to practice sometimes).
The house has FANTASTIC accoustics so the radio sounds like a symphony when it plays (and my singing makes the coyotes howl for miles around). I'm still not officially moved in yet- not until the end of the month. So, while I'm moving things out slowly, it feels like I have a "summer house" (probably the only time in my life I'll ever have the joy of that feeling!!).
I spent the last two days at the "summer house" cleaning up, gathering wood and arranging. I probably spent at least 5 hours raking and picking up all the fallen limbs and twigs from the 4 huge willow trees in the yard. If you've ever had a willow tree, you know that you could fart in bed 250 yards away from them and you'd cause at least 127 limbs and twigs to fall off. Apparently there's been some bean eating going on in the nearby forrest because the ground was covered in limbs.
Now, some of you (with that "cup half-empty" thinking) would look at the yard full of 19,284 limbs lying out there and say, "Are you kidding me? How much would it cost me to talk someone into picking up all that crap?" Me? No I have the "cup half- full" type thinking and see that 19,287 (three more just fell as I typed) limb & twig maze as "free fire starter". You know, those little bundles of twigs that you pile in under the big logs to make sure it catches. Without those beauties you're standing there with a bottle of lighter fluid in one hand and a match in the other wondering just how much longer you will have eyebrows.
Anywho, 5 hours later, I have enough "fire starter" to last all winter. Not sure what I'll do with the rest of the free tree gifts as they fall. Does the Red Cross need "fire starter bundles"? I could probably hook a country up in no time.
After the hours of hard work and a good rest, I decided it was time for a hike of the new area. So, (and try not to cuss at the computer with the next statement) I threw on the hiking pack, arranged the camera gear, gathered up the Timmy, opened the front door and started hiking. Yep, right out the front door. Mountains on all sides. Gee, where to start? How about following the trout filled stream (that runs year round less than 15 feet from the house) and up across into the State Lands where no vehicles can roam. It was just awful, awful I tell ya! Please pray for my suffering.
So, for the short 3 mile hike, I got a few pictures (posted today). I'm going to have to concentrate on getting out and taking pictures rather than fooling around the house with all the projects on the to do list! I could easily get absorbed in just "living". It's also nice not having a TV right now. I'm not even sure I'll get any reception when I do move it out there (and I still refuse to pay for cable and internet). If there's no reception, guess I'll just have to get back to reading books, drawing and painting like I used to! OHH! Guess what I found at my FAVORITE local thrift store?!?! Tom- Tom (or bongo) drums! Since my fingers are too short to play guitar (trust me, I tried desperately- I can't even palm a tennis ball)- looks like I'll just have to bongo away while singing to my favorite tunes in the perfectly accoustic house of beautiful views!!
Now, when it is 30* below zero, dark at 5 pm and in 3 feet of snow, we'll see how or if the story changes!!! I may go off my rocker, paint war colors on my face and drum out the theme song for "Survivor" for weeks on end until some glimmer of civilization snaps me out of it.
But, for now, I'm getting ready to plant the herbs and garden, the flowers, looking forward to being able to open the gate and riding Apache wherever we want to go (no trailer needed!), and hopefully being able to share some incredible and beautiful experiences and pictures with you during it all. Did I mention the possibility of losing my nick name of "Quarter Horse Ass" or QHA for short (a nick name I am "one" with because it's true- yeah, thanks for starting that one Vicky) by keeping so busy that it turns into the Buns of Steel?!?!? Even I can dream.
And, when I do get the urge to actually see another human being- there is a WONDERFUL community just down the road with a local bar/gathering place like the TV show "Cheers" where everyone knows your name and they have GREAT food and cold beer.
I'm waiting to wake up from the dream. No, no I'm not! Don't wake me! Get away! Back! Back! What I meant to say is, I can't wait to share the dream. Yeah, that's much better!!! Come and visit Heather Montana's House of Beautiful Views and Preservative Free Living!!
Yeeeeehhhaaaaaaa!!!!
Did I mention there's a trout filled creek less than 15 feet from the house?
Ok, just making sure.
What? Again with the rubbing it in accusations?!?! What tha? Geez! (grin).
I apologize.
Heather Montana
Those that follow me, The Timmy and Apache know how much we love and adore the Rolling Dog Ranch. It is an animal sanctuary in Ovando, MT run by Steve Smith and Alayne Marker that I spent some time volunteering at and am on the "emergency" list to call if they ever need a hand or animals transported (horses, dogs, cats, etc). All the animals are medically disabled in some way (except for the "normal" ones that lucky enough to be among them as pets) and would normally be euthanized or discarded by society. Steve and Alyane have made leaps and bounds in helping to open people's eyes that animals with disabilites have just as much love and purpose as any other. They not only help animals, they help people to overcome bias and open their hearts.
They have been here many years and built an ideal place to fit the needs of all the animals. But, Montana is a hard place to live with 30+ below winters and sometimes 6-9 mos of cold and snow. Despite the challenges, they not only made it work, they excelled and became a shining example of what to do and how to do it well. Steve and Alayne's love and stewardship of the animals and what they have to make it all happen is unmatched. They are simply the best.
It broke my heart to see the post on Steve's blog of their new location in New Hampshire. They are already in the process of moving to the new house. It is a freakin gorgeous place and will be wonderful for all of them. The winters will be much better to them and the location will be so much more convenient for their needs. I think they will be (hopefully) overrun with donations and visitors- something that the Montana location may have hindered them in. Not that a lot of visitors is always good unless they get enough volunteers to help out!
Despite my happiness for them, my heart is breaking at the realization they will no longer be here. I have yet to talk about it without crying like a baby. I love the Rolling Dog. I love Steve and Alayne. I wish them the absolute best. New Hampshire has no idea how lucky they are. The people in the area and the volunteers lives are about to be changed in ways they cannot even imagine. Steve and Alyane touch and help more people than animals. They open hearts and minds. They give hope and offer the challenge of changing perceptions with nothing but the motivation of love. The animals will have the best no matter where they go with Steve and Alayne, so they win no matter what.
To see their new place- copy this link or go to my "favorite website links" and click on it. The pictures are on their blog link.
http://www.rollingdogranch.org/
I love you Steve and Alayne. I wish you the absolute best.
Love,
Heather Montana
It's never boring to live my life. If I'm not finding some kind of adventure or situation to get into- it will find me. Most of these situations either lead to a "learning moment" or a good laugh (most of the time at my expense). This week seems to be humor time. I'll share a couple with you.
The Story Of Poo
I took Apache out the other day for a mountain ride and when we came back, I put him in the covered pen that is out in the barn. The covered pen's floor is dirt. But, over the years as horses have stayed in the pen, the dirt has been covered with about a foot deep layer of dried-out powdery & nugget formed horse poo. Pretty much a gardener's dream fertilizer. It gets scraped out every now and then but a fair amount remains.
Apache was in the pen for several hours enjoying his private time eating his grain and hay (since the other horses do not care for his passive personality and usually don't let him eat his share). I wandered back out to the pen to turn him out with the rest of the horses and so he could get a drink. It was dark and I thought I still had enough light from the moon reflecting off the snow to see what I was doing. Apparently I was wrong. I clodded through the dark pen with my thick boots and stumbled on a big, frozen, uneven pile of poo. Being the unrecognized gymnast that I am, I attempted to rebalance myself by leaping with my other foot- which landed me directly onto another frozen, uneven pile of poo. Figuring I was going to fall anyway, I decided to give it one more leap and see what happened. This leap resulted in my toe being hung in the last frozen pile- that didn't give.
Now, I know that people say that pig poo or dog poo is the worst smelling poo there is. But, if you've had the opportunity to land full- frontal- face- first into piles of horse poo and frozen horse pee- you might be inclined to put horse poo in the running (at least in the top 5). If there's a poo committee or board somewhere, I would like to make the motion.
Me being me, I'm not intelligent enough or an angry enough person to get mad at what is happening. As I'm falling forward into this dark mass of stink- I'm already laughing knowing what the outcome is going to be. Luckily I remembered to close my mouth. First, landing in frozen horse poo and pee is equal to landing on rock and ice. Second, rocks and ice normally don't stink. Third- I swear horses can laugh. Apache did. It could have actually been a fart but I'm going to swear it was a laugh. Then I laughed. Hard. Loudly.
I laid there face first in this pile of stink laughing and giggling like an idiot. Apache came over and sniffed me. I guess he thought I stank so he went back to the gate and waited for me to get it together. I think trying to pick yourself up out of frozen horse poo and pee is almost as effective in ensuring full body coverage as falling face first into it. Murphy- who's law I seem to live by- must have personally stopped by and shoved as much loose poo as he could find into every pocket, crack and orifice on me. My jacket hoodie was especially loaded (as I found out later when I flipped it up to cover my head).
Once up I was still laughing but unexplainably did the unconscious "turn and look" to see if anyone had seen me do it. Who the hell was going to see it?!?! It was so dark I couldn't even see the ground! I felt utter disappointment that a perfectly good face plant in poo had no audience and was wasted. Oh well. I'm sure there will be a next time....
Bear Spray
Today as I'm backing up the truck to put the horse trailer back in its anointed snow packed spot, I'm 4 wheeling it through snow deep enough for it not to be a smooth ride. The trailer is sliding sideways in the ice under the snow and I have to do the "pull forward, back up" routine over and over before the tires find any traction. As I'm watching the trailer end head for its spot, suddenly I started hacking and coughing. I didn't pay any attention to it since I had the recent episode of losing my voice and sounding like a pubescent boy. I figured I was just having a little sinus drainage. I was right; I just didn't have the full picture yet.
The trailer end veered off to the left again hitting another patch of ice so I proceed to pull forward again. As I reached for the gear shift (still coughing), I noticed that my eyes just wouldn't seem to stop watering. Why couldn't I see the darn trailer in the mirror?!? Dang I'm getting old. And, what's with this cough all of a sudden?
I grabed the gear shift and noticed a distinct feeling that someone had just lit my hand on fire. Yet, I saw no flame through my watering eyes (that were watering enough to put a fire out by themselves). My hand did look a little odd though I really couldn't tell why. Maybe it was the stinging cold finally getting to me. I wiped my face with my sleeve and then pondered the sensation of a thousand hot needles poking me in the eyeballs. When did sticker burrs get imbedded in my sleeve?
As I turned to try and see the back end of the trailer, I discovered that I was now sucking air like I had just run up the side of a mountain. Hmmm... that's odd. I don't remember backing up the trailer being such an effort before.
Since I (for some reason) couldn't see out of the inside or outside mirror, I decided to roll down the window and look back. Hmmm.... why is my door panel orange? And, who just lit my arm on fire? And, why am I snotting on myself? That is REALLY unlady like.
You know, how many clues does it take? Apparently that many before I figured out the bear spray in my door pocket had gone off and sprayed the entire door panel. I didn't hear it because of the engine revving and snow crunching.
Those that follow my adventures know that I always carry bear spray with me where ever I go. These cans will expire (become less potent) over time so it's always good to buy a fresh can. Well, if the old can hasn't been used- I keep them around as extras "in case". Well, I just discovered the old cans still work just fine. Apparently in the 4 wheeling jolts moving the trailer the trigger guard popped off the can and it unloaded.
I bailed out of the truck and rolled around in the snow like a skunk sprayed dog. Anyone who has ever been sprayed before knows the "fairer" colored skin you have- the more it kicks your ass. Me being the red-headed, freckled skin, white girl- I'm the poster child for spray ass kicking.
As I type (hours later) my hands are still burning. It was fun having to wipe down the door panel too so I could finally drive without dry heaving, blowing snot and my eyes dry enough to see out of.
Bear Spray. Heather Tested. Heather Approved.
At least a couple times a month, someone tells me that they would LOVE to come along with me and go adventuring. Then, I tell them what they would need to be prepared to do, what to wear, what to bring and how many hours we'd actually be out. So far, I've only had two people care to follow through. And, I give the "old Georgia folk" kudos for hanging tough and getting the full adventure! It was a great time!
I love company on my outings, but in all seriousness- things can get dangerous and go wrong... quickly. The goal is to have fun and be awed by the outdoors. Being prepared for what you are about to do is what makes that possible.
So, for anyone thinking "I'd sure like to go out and do that with Heather and Timmy", here's the 10 basic things you need to know and need to be willing to do:
1). Safety first. If you go out with me, each person will have to have on them the things that will keep them safe (to a reasonable extent) if things go bad. You can't rely on someone else carrying or having something you might need in a pinch. If that person goes over the side of a cliff or gets chased by a bear in a different direction than you- you'll be on your own, so you'll need your own gear. You'll need to be able to carry your own pack if it's a day long trip (with your food, water, extra clothes, etc.). Sun screen, bug spray (the natural scents), toilet paper, compass (& the ability to use it), flash light, something to start a fire with and a light jacket (even in the summer) are also recommended. If you have room, a small first aid kit is also a good idea. Now that your pack weighs at least 30 lbs- you'll get exercise just lifting the thing in and out of the truck. For long or short excursions: Bear spray (the large can- ready to use clipped to the hip) is a must as well as the knowledge and ability to use it. Having a sharp pocket knife (or twelve) is also a must.
2). Be prepared to spend 8+ hours out in the boonies (maybe longer depending on where we go). Restrooms will be located at the nearest bush or tree. If you're lucky there may be a state park restroom somewhere out there. But, just fair warning- the cold wind that blasts up between your legs while sitting on one will creep you out. Trips back in to a town to eat, do errands, etc. won't take place. Once out be prepared to stay out until the sun sets (barring any medical emergencies).
3). Food, water, snacks are whatever you bring. I recommend food that is light and stowable in a pack. Nothing too smelly- food smells can attract unwanted focused attention from bears and others. Bring LOTS of water- preferably in stainless steel water bottles. High altitudes and long treks can cause quick dehydration & headaches.
4). No perfumes, colognes or heavy smelling lotions or other body foo-foo. It's hard to see wild animals when they can smell you a half mile away.
5). THE RIGHT SHOES AND SOCKS! Nothing will end a trip faster than miserable feet. When hiking or packing- you'll need shoes that will grip rock and support your ankles. Whether tennis shoes or hiking boots work best for you it doesn't matter- just wear whatever you can comfortably trek around in for 8 hours or more. Absolutely NO open toed shoes or sandals. I recommend bringing a second pair of shoes and socks when possible to change into should the inevitable stream or river crossing become necessary.
6). Layers of clothes. Whether it's summer or winter- you'll still need layers. Just a note here- for every thousand feet up you go, expect a 3 degree drop in temperature. I have often left town at above freezing temps and by the time I got to my destination, it was well below freezing (especially as it gets darker or the weather changes). I know some people like to hike in shorts but I do not recommend any clothing that will expose your legs or arms when out with me. I have a tendency to go through things rather than around them. Natural "cover" is what allows you to get close to animals. Unfortunately most "cover" in the outdoors involves underbrush, sticks, briars, rocks, insects, etc. I tend to wear jeans most of the time in the summer and flannel lined jeans in the winter (plus other layers). One trip through a briar patch, mosquito laden stream bank or slide down a slate rock hillside will convince you never to expose anything that isn't necessary.
7). QUIET QUIET QUIET. Talking, yelling, jingly accessories, cell phones, barking dogs and stepping on every twig and stick out there will pretty much ensure you will see absolutely nothing (well, maybe some pretty scenery). It makes for a long, tiring, disappointing day spending all that time hiking around to see something wild only to have them take off long before you ever got there because they heard you coming. Your day will be spent looking at the track marks of animals that used to be there. Chat time is on the drive up and on the way back. While out wandering about- it's quiet time (if you want to see anything).
8). The ability to freeze in place and stay there for as long as necessary (quietly). If this is a picture taking trek- you need to be able to stop what you are doing and remain there for as long as necessary. Even Timmy the Wonder Dog is trained to do this. Movement (as well as other things) is what triggers animals to run (either toward you or away from you). Freezing in place can get you a great picture and also save your life (did I mention rattle snakes?). If you have dogs and want to bring them, they MUST be able (and willing) to respond to voice commands or you have some other means to keep them from chasing after things and barking. Wild animals don't see any difference between a dog and a wolf. They will either run like hell or respond with aggression if the dog invades their space.
9). If it's a picture taking trek- the goal by sunset is to be at the highest point available (or at the clearest view) of the sunset. That's the the best and most beautiful way to end the day.
10). Have fun and taking the time to enjoy what you are seeing. I may have a goal or idea of what I want to do for the day- but that can change by the minute depending on what presents itself or how the weather changes. Many times I have made a plan of what I wanted to do and when I'm headed out to get there I see bad weather coming in from that direction. Plan "B" is then put in place. Also, if a fantastic photo opportunity comes up, I'm not going to rush off to another place just because it was on the list of things to do. When opportunities present themselves, you take them. You can make a list any day. Unscheduled incidents are usually the best and most exciting fun.
OK, that's the general list. Still want to come?
Heather Montana
I had to order it, but its on the way (with all the Foo-Foo that comes with it)!!! YIPEEEEEE!!!!
We'll be up and running soon!!!
Heather Montana and Timmy (TWD)
Well, the latest adventures for Timmy and I were to hike the Beartooth Highway Mountain Range and then head into Yellowstone National Park for more fun. We got so distracted by the beauty and places in Beartooth to go, we hardly had any daylight time left in Yellowstone. I did manage to catch a pretty sunset shot.
Now anyone that knows me or has been following this knows I'm not the most "normal" person. I like to be off the beaten path and see things that take at least a little effort to see (not something everyone else sees). Part of my adventurous spirit is taking pictures of unusual things, non-typical view/angles or shots that the typical tourist doesn't capture. Well, in order to get those shots or pictures, I do some, well, "non-typical" (or some would call stupid) climbing or hiking into areas that could be considered "dangerous". That always puts me and the camera at risk of, shall we say, "moment to moment" living.
So, it won't be a shock to anyone that the demise of the camera finally came. If you will check out the "scenery" section, there are a couple pictures identifying the culprit situation, the last picture taken prior to the demise and then the end result of the demise.
So, the story is that I was climbing up a waterfall to get shots of neat parts of it. The whole waterfall stretched over 300+ yards up this mountain side and was the result of snow pack melting up on a ridge above it. I made my way winding up the fall snapping shots and then got to one part where I had to jump up and cling onto a ginormous rock to be able to keep going upward.
Funny thing about falls. They tend to produce slimy algae on the rocks. My foot lost traction and I started falling. That's another funny thing about falls. They tend to be steep and make you, well, fall. So I fell. So did the camera. Funny thing about falling on steep slimy falls. You just keep, well, falling. I eventually stopped but the camera apparently felt it was a fun thing to do and just kept bouncing on down the slimy rocks. You know those movies where you see people running in slow motion and they are yelling, "NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" in slow motion also? Yeah, that was me trying to run down the slimy rocks to catch the camera while watching it bounce and land in the water about 60 feet down the falls.
I finally reached it and scooped it up like it was a newborn baby that had just been dropped on it's head. I'm sitting there on my knees whimpering, "NO! NO! NO!" and picking algae, pebbles and plant parts out of it while it's dripping water like a running faucet on me. Then I looked at the lens and nearly cried when the huge water droplets inside the lens rolled across and the 5 huge scratches on the lens glass looked like a cougar had swiped it with its claws. The figure skater Nancy Kerrigan scream of "WHY! WHY!" after being whacked in the knee blared in my head. I just sat there for 20 minutes "holding it" like a monkey mother you see on the wildlife shows that won't leave her dead baby behind.
The reality that I finally killed my baby set in. I sat there wondering if I should just go back to the truck and drive home since I can't do anything now or whether I should keep on through the Beartooth and Yellowstone and see what I can see anyway (but not be able to share it with anyone). I decided to "suck it up" and quit sulking and continue on. Timmy and I hiked up the rest of the falls and got to the ice pack at the top of the ridge. I know snow is Timmy's 2nd favorite thing in the world so we stopped so he could play for about 30 minutes. I set my "dead baby" on the rocks and just stared at it while Timmy played.
Just for curiosity sake, I decided to try and turn it on and see what it would do. Amazingly, it turned on. I took a picture and looked in the view finder to see if it would show up to review it and there it was! I got so excited that I started snapping pictures of Timmy playing in the snow and the snow pack around us. Then I realized that the lens was fogging over from the water inside and saw the scratch marks showing in the pictures. So, I decided to talk to God.
My general discussion went something like, "Ok God, I'm going to continue this trip through Beartooth and Yellowstone. And, I'm going to continue to take pictures with this camera. If you want me to capture anything cool with it, you'll make it happen. If not, thanks for the time I had with it".
So, for the rest of the trip I kept taking pictures. Most of them came out showing the lens scratches or were "fogged out" by the ever changing moisture patterns inside the lens, but some actually came out really neat (and they are included in the albums). Most are of far away scenery shots and things that I was able to crop the bad parts out. But, anything close up or with any sunlight hitting the lens shows the damage. The trip (despite the camera demise) was still amazing and beautiful. Oh, I'm fine. I have bruises in places I didn't know I had body parts and I'm a little sore, but I'm good. Will I be climbing any more waterfalls? Well of course! Duh! Remember, I'm not normal.
As of today, the camera turns on when it wants to and pictures of anything closer than 100 yards or detailed is covered by the damaged areas. So, it looks like I finally abused "my baby" beyond capacity unless I'm going to take nothing but far away scenery shots for the rest of my life. That may not work so well in taking wildlife pictures unless I can convince a moose to run to the nearest mountain top and stand there for me.
Oh well, I had fun. What's meant to be will be.
Down but not out,
Heather Montana
08/11/09 Yesterday!!! I ran across my first (live, wild) Grizzly in Montana!! I was up in parts of Basin, MT. It was a young one- about a year or two old (around 200 lbs). He ran in front of my truck and stopped on the side of the hill looking at me. I got out trying to get a picture of him and as soon as I started up the hill, he took off. You always hear that you can never outrun a bear. I have now seen it first hand. They can freakin run! It didn't matter how many trees, fallen logs and debris he had to clear and the fact it was up the side of a mountain- he was hauling butt! I did my best to try to catch up with him or at least get close enough to take a picture but he wanted nothing of it. I have also now seen the reaction from Timmy when faced with a real live bear- uh... nothing. I'm running up the hill after the bear and he stopped to sniff a bush. What tha?!?! Oh well. I guess smells are better for him.
Now, I know 99.9% of you have already uttered out loud (or at least in your head)- "Did she really just say she got out of her truck and RAN AFTER a grizzly bear?" I only state this most likely comment because of the blank stare and dropped jaw of a person I work with that I was telling my excited encounter to today. After I finished my step-by-step account of the joyous occasion, I looked at her expecting a, "Wow, how cool" or "That's so great!" response. Uh, nope. Her response was, "Are you *&^%#@ insane?" My puzzled response was, "I thought that had been clearly understood a long time ago". Her next comment was, "Most NORMAL people run AWAY from bears!" My response- " You should never run from a bear, they might chase and eat you". After she threw her pen at me she asked, "And, what would you have done if he had turned around and chased YOU?!?" Without a pause, I responded, "Well, DUH- I would have pepper sprayed myself so I was spicier and tastier!". Geez, No brainer! I left her office before she threw her stapler at me. That could be dangerous and put an eye out- Safety First! HAHAHAHAHAAA!!
So, since the bear wanted nothing to do with posing for any pictures, I didn't get any. There WILL be a next time!!! I have faith (and plenty more insanity).
Heather Montana
Alrighty! I have added all the Alaska Road Trip pictures and every pic I could find that had been scattered on different computers, disks or that I liked but never sent out before. There's still a few missing that I'm trying to find (especially of people) but I haven't given up the search yet! Man, am I glad to get that done!
I managed to get many of the red time stamp pictures reloaded with out that annoying mark on them. And, most are now at pretty reasonable (if not huge) sizes so if you want to make prints of them, they should reproduce well (not fuzzy).
Now I should be able to just add new pictures as I take them!! Hope you are liking the site and at least ONE of the pictures either brought a smile, a laugh or made you say "Wow".
Best,
Heather Montana
Hellloooooooo!!
Just giving you all a "heads up" that I'm about to add around 80+ pictures here pretty quick. I've gone back and found the disks that had the Alaskan Road trip pictures on them and also have some pictures of the latest backwoods hiking adventure too. I wanted to get the "full blown" versions of the road trip pictures on here (rather than the shrunken email versions that do not print well) and to get that REALLY ANNOYING red time stamp off of them. I managed to get most of them redone and even found some more that were never sent out! I still have a few to go but will have them uploaded soon.
Thank you all for all your really awesome personal comments to me and ones you have left under the individual pictures. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE them! Keep them coming!
So glad you enjoy the site!
Best,
Heather Montana
Hello All!
In this section I will tell the stories to the latest pictures I posted. I hope you enjoy the fun, beauty and excitement with me! Please feel free to leave any messages to me here or below in the message board section!
Heather Montana
Hi!! I was just asked how I manage to see the things I see and get as close as I do to the wildlife. Well- some of you may be "newbies" to this site and my adventures so I'll give the short version of why I think I'm able to do and see what I do. God. Okay. Any other questions? (grin).
My second response is patience. The third is sheer determination and willingness to put myself in some pretty ridiculous and sometimes dangerous situations to do it. One example would be lying in 2 inch deep, freezing cold snow pack water run off for hours to get pictures of a herd of elk bulls. Stupid or determined? You pick.
How about spending 2 hours in a field in Alaska pretending to graze like a wild animal with a huge bull moose? No, I didn't actually eat any of the grass or flowers, but my hands were sure cut up by the end of the fun from pulling them. He eventually became more curious of me than I was of him and browsed his way less than 15 feet away from me trying to figure out what the heck I was. I didn't have the same camera I do now. It would only focus on the closest thing to me rather than what I wanted. The pictures came out mostly blurry (one is in the wildlife section). I nearly cried when I saw them. Oh well. I spent 2 hours with good company.
I am very fortunate to live in Montana. I have the opportunity to drive 15 miles or 500 miles to anything the eye and soul would care to behold (mine anyway). I've been here almost 5 years now and have seen more than most of the people who were born and raised here. Living here isn't the key. Getting your butt out there in the middle of it is.
I will say it is by the sheer grace of God I am still here with some of the places I have gone and encounters I have had. Wild animals are... well, wild. Rattlesnakes, bears, moose, mothers of new babies, etc- they can kill you or mess you up pretty good. And, sometimes they are hungry. I'm not so much concerned about the ones I can see- it's the ones I can't. Coming around a bend or over the top of a ridge and surprising anything is not a good idea. And, wolves and mountain lions don't normally hit you from the front. You have to remember to look behind you every now and then. Especially when the hair stands up on the back of your neck for no apparent reason (that has happened several times).
I've spent a lot of time learning about the wildlife here-body language, habits, tracking, etc. Being armed with info is sometimes handier than anything else you can have. Thankfully, I have other tools I can use if needed. It also helps to have Timmy (the wonder dog). Not that he would in any way protect me by throwing himself into whatever it was with snarling teeth and claws. I would just know something was up when I see him peeing on himself while running backwards. You know, little signs like that. I'm certainly never going to call myself an expert. I know as soon as those words ever left my lips or fingertips, I'd be the next news story on CNN about the mysterious unidentified pile of bones and camera found in bear scat (that's the PC word for poo).
But, I think the ultimate story of any success I have had so far is that I am thankful for everything I have been able and allowed to do. God willing I'll have another day to take another picture to share it with you all.
Much love,
Heather Montana
I just added this message board. I'd love to hear your thoughts, suggestions or whatever else you would like to say!
Thank you for stopping by!
Heather, Timmy & Apache
Dream List Of Photos I Still Want To Get In Montana:
1). A GOOD picture of a live grizzly I have encountered in the wild- and we both survive the experience!
2). A bull moose in Montana. (DONE!!!!)
3). A Mountain Lion (and again- both of us surviving the experience)
4). Wolves (with the same safety clause)
5). More Eagle pictures!
6). Somehow get an underwater picture of the stream trouts blending into the rocks.
7). Red Fox
8). Bigfoot (of course- right?)
9). Two (or more) antlered bucks/bulls of any kind rutting or fighting.
10). Animals in play or obviously enjoying something.
11). Babies of all animals. They are so darn cute!!
12). A picture of the Sleeping Giant in the winter (see scenery pics). Hopefully some day getting a picture where the snow looks like he has a blanket pulled up on him.
Dream List Of Camera/Camera Equipment I Would LOVE To Have:
Current camera of use: 10 megapixel 20x zoom Canon SX10IS. This Canon is a factory camera with a permanent lens attachment (no switching out lenses). It will take short video bursts, but not HD quality. I chose this camera because of the "on the go" photography I do. I don't want to haul a suitcase full of lenses and equipment with me so I chose a camera that can dwell in short and semi-long ranges with no fuss.
Cameras used in the past:
*8 MP digital Canon Power Shot Pro 1 camera with a 28-200 mm factory lens. (now broken after I fell off a waterfall with it- see "scenery" section).
*5 MP Sony Mavica CD Digital camera that took pictures straight onto "mini cd's". (It finally pooped out and won't recognize the CDs anymore. It was definitely a GREAT starter camera for me. Any pictures you see on here with that really annoying red time stamp on them came from that camera (on some of them I managed to crop it out of the pics).
I don't own any fancy, high dollar, professional cameras and lenses. I don't own any flashes, removeable lens kits, filters, lighting panels, meters, hundred dollar photo editing software or any of that fun stuff most "real" photographers have. I've never taken a class or had anyone that knew what the heck they were doing teach me. I'm self teaching (with a heck of a lot of mistakes and missed shots due to ignorance). It's been God, me, Timmy and the camera. The new photo software that I have is too fancy. Yeah, I had to break down and buy some new software since I managed to drop my old computer and my 2004 "free trial" expired photo editor version went kaput. This new stuff makes me crazy. No, I don't want to "photoshop" an oceanliner to a martini glass. I just want the basics.
I like my pictures to be "what you see is what you get". I'm not going to take a picture of a river rock and manipulate it with a computer until it looks like stone henge. Maybe later in life when I'm bored or wander a different path than I'm on now. I try to "fix" my pictures as little as possible. In my head, the picture should speak for itself. I will crop the picture (to a closer shot or center the subject) and adjust color (because the camera often does not capture what the eye sees), but I don't go adding in things or manipulating the subject around. If I do- I tell you that I have (such as the "fun with colors" section). Otherwise, I just want you to be able to see what I saw.
Recently I was lucky enough to get a "Monfrotto" tripod. Apparently it's the mother lode of tripods, but it is a heavy monster, so I won't likely be hauling up a mountain with me. But, in those "scenery" or other shots where its handy, I can get a steady picture! I also found a neat gadget that allows for your vehicle window to act like a camera mount- VERY handy when you get that "drive by" shot! I have also invested in a "mono pod". It's basically a extendable stick that a camera can be screwed onto and can be stuck into the ground. It offers some support (no up and down movement) when trying to take a pic. It's also a LOT lighter than the monster Monfrotto tripod and will likely be my hiking tool. It has already come in handy for jabbing into snow packs to see how deep it is and in taking more "we" pictures with Timmy and I in them.
I always get asked how I wind up in some of the pictures if no one else is with me on these adventures except Timmy (and his species is sans thumbs). The camera has a "self timer". It gives you a few seconds to run and get in place after it is pushed. This new camera has it too.
Since I don't use a tripod to keep the camera steady for most of my shots, I just do my best at controlled breathing (a learned competitive weapons shooting technique) or proping up against something to keep from blurring out the pictures from moving or long exposures. That's the extent of my "tools". I think I've done Ok so far with what I have!
But, we all know that as we grow in our "hobbies", we grow our "wish list" of what would make things even better (or we think).
My ultimate "pinch me now" goal is to achieve the National Geographic quality pictures with the seemingly required $2,000-$7,000 lens kits (that's just for one lens) that will let you count nose hairs on something from 50 yards away and macro lenses that will let you count fuzz hair on a lady bug's butt (why do I seem to have a hair theme going on here??). Then there is the $3,000-$7,000 professional camera that has unbelieveable megapixel capacities that will let you blow prints up to the size of a house without any quality loss. Also, these cameras are said to cook you breakfast in the morning and draw your bath. Ok, maybe they don't do the last two- but for that price they should!!
I love the Canon Mark series cameras (Mark 1, 11, 15..27, 212..kidding). Most of them now even take HD quality video! Crazy talk I tell ya!
I'd also love to have the waterproof camera gear to take underwater pictures of the neat things I see and find in the streams, creeks and rivers here. Anyone who knows me knows that I have to fight (HARD) my urge to jump into any clear, fresh water whenever I am near it (see the "safe" and "unsafe" pictures in the Humor picture album). Sometimes I can't pass it up. Why not take pictures while I'm in there!?!?! Some day. Some day.
I've never had the desire to do the typical "portrait studio" type pics of kids with suckers in their hair and fiancee's forcing their boyfriends to prove they are committed by sealing it with a "couple portrait" (that she forces him to carry in his wallet). That's all too predictable and stuffy. I prefer a little fresh air, sunshine and the mystery of what will be around the next bend. Studio pictures are man made. Outdoors is God made.
I've always had a preference for Canon products. Not only are they great quality, but they produce and/or are affiliated with other things that do good things for wildlife, nature and our world. I'm not saying any of the others "suck", I've just had good experiences with Canon.
So, when that bag of thousand dollar bills finally falls out of the sky into my lap- you know what I'll be investing in!!! Maybe I'll even take a photography class!!
Until then, I will continue on with my camera. It's probably not very realistic to want the "Mother Load" of all the camera gear and fancy equipment doing what I do anyway. It would take a suitcase to haul that up a mountain with me and I would have to ask the wildlife to give me 5 minutes to set up so I can get a shot. That doesn't exactly fit my "on the go" and adventurous style. Maybe some day :).
Heather Montana