Kibo & Sana's Cancer Website - kibombf

Thank you for any help, or prayers, you may send along our way.

My tail is wagging (as usual!!!) as I type!  :)

Family Nov 2008. Kibo on my right.
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Enjoying snow Dec 2008
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Kibo & Rebecca Dec 2008
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NY eve 2008/2009
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Kibo Xmas AM 08
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Kibo Dec 08
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Sana licking Kibos ears ... favorite past time ;)
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Kibo with his little brother Maji 11/08
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Kibo & Maji
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Kibo in front seat with pup
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A good big brother
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& a good Uncle! 12/08
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Kibo & his brothers
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Handsome boy 10/08
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Fall 08
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Kibo & Maji
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Teaching Maji to hunt for crab shells 10/08
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Oct o8, Kibo on left of pic
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Such a GOOD big brother
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10/08 Kibo on right of pic
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tolerant as can be ...
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IEveryone likes to snuggle with Kibo!
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Kibo, Maji, Sana
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Kibos new little brother Maji
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Look at those Boys! Kibo on left of pic
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Snuggletime with Kibo
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Their favorite place!
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Kibo having fun this summer 08
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Kibo & Sana (kibo on right of pic)
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C'mon baby! just one kiss! (Kibo 08)
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... SO happy :)
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Kibo, Tripp, Averey (Sana in background)
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Kibo letting Zuri play with his tail
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Kibo summer 08
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Sleepy Boys
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Handsome Kibo - age 11 (08)
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Sandy toungue
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Kibo's new favorite toy
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gaurding it with his life
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Eating crab shells
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Kibo & sana 08
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Sana lying on Kibo
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Spring 08 Kibo & his baby
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Kibo 08
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The Boys, Spring 08 (kibo left of pic)
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Camping with the girls
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Kibo & Zuri, 2005
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Averey & Kibo, 08
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Kibo & Lion Baby
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Kibo Summer 08
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Did someone say "Cookies"? (kibo on left of pic)
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Kibo even lets Sana walk him!
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Kibo & Sana
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Kibo loves his soccer ball!
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Averey & Kibo
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1st day of 2nd grade
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Rebecca & her boys 07
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2004, Kibo on left of pic
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Mirror images, 2006. Kibo on right of pic.
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Puuullleeeezzzz, Santa came!???
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What did Santa leave US?
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Snugglin' w/ kibo 2004
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Kibo 2006
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Sleeping w/ a cookie in her hand
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Trick-OR-Treat! For US??? (kibo on Right)
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Oct 2003
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2003, kibo at front of picc
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Ave & Kibo 2004

3/20/2010 2:57:10 PM - 003024606811
Hi Rebecca -- I Just read your comments on my findthunderblogspot and wanted to let you know my heart aches for your loss of Kibo and Sana. I lost my beautiful Chewy, Thunder's uncle, to lymphoma last fall. By the time hs cancer was diagnosed it was too advanced treat. We tried chemo anyway but his system was too weakened to tolerate it and he only lived for two weeks. His last days were good, playing soccer, walking in the woods, lazing in the sun. One day he was chasing squirrels, the next he died peacefully in his sleep. I am so thankful he was never in pain or distress and take comfort in knowing that God has welcomed another good shepherd into his fold. I am sure that your Sana and Kibo met him there. I never questioned if I was doing the right thing -- you fight the good fight in spite of the odds for the ones you love. You had your precious Sana for an additional six months and Kibo for lived for another year, and while they may have had bad days, they had more good days and they were always enveloped with your love! There is a beautiful poem written by Robinson Jeffers as a eulogy for his beloved dog called The House Dog's Grave that is too long to copy here. Please look it up -- it will make you cry, but it sums up in away no other words I have found can, that the love between dog and endures.

6/11/2009 2:02:34 AM - 002073942244
Just wanted to let you know I'm sending good thoughts your way - I know the pain is unbearable, but it will get better - slowly, ever so slowly. Hugs to you all - Susan

6/9/2009 11:14:06 PM - 002056436122
Dear Rebecca, Averey, and the boys...my heart is breaking all over again in your loss of precious boy Sana. Your last day was very much like mine with my angel Kobi and brought up so many memories. Even though I only knew handsome Sana for a short time, I fell in love with the big, goofy lug right away. I'll never forget my visits with the boys and how they would all pile on the couch - each working so hard to sit the "closest" to their new "auntie" who always brought the best treats. Sana was a very special boy with a big heart. I'm so sorry that you all had to experience this. Know that you did the very best that you could for Sana - right up to the last moment - and that he's romping on the beach and swimming with my own Kobi. And every so often, they look down at us...and smile. (hugs)

6/9/2009 7:07:28 PM - 000038818596
Rebecca, I am so sorry for your loss. I only met Sana a few times but he was such a loveable and sweet dog. I can tell from your notes that you have been an awesome, caring Mom to your dogs. They are so lucky. I wish all people could understand how wonderful dogs are and how they provide such an ensuring love and comfort in our homes. I'm sure he's at peace now and your comfort and attention in his final hours was a perfect way to send him. Bless you. Hugs to you and Ave.

4/29/2009 12:22:49 PM - 002066590281
Rebecca -

You are always in my thoughts. I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you but I know that your babies are strong and they will fight hard against this cancer. Heres hoping that all of our cancer boys exceed their life expectencies by years!! =)

3/18/2009 12:57:56 PM - 002061315236
Hi Rebecca, I loved the card and picture you sent to me of Kibo and I am so happy that Kibo is doing well! I love the mug and of course will buy one. Kibo is lucky to have such a wonderful mom, sister and 4 legged brothers :)
Take care and thanks for the update, you are amazing for all the you are doing for Kibo!

2/17/2009 1:53:45 AM - 002056635592
hi rebecca, avery, and puppies, just wanted to thank you so much for the card and pictures, we hung the card at work so we can see kibo, every day, we are thrilled he is coming along, hope it continues

2/16/2009 4:34:27 AM - 000021793776

2/16/2009 4:15:16 AM - 000021793776

Commented by Lisa:

 

2/14/2009 9:54:12 PM - 000021793776

By the way, some people have asked how to contact me directly.  You can do so at   NwptRN@Yahoo.com

Thanks!

2/14/2009 12:57:31 PM - 002056436122
Good job Kibo!  Keep up the great work!  You're such a brave boy, and we're all so proud of you (& Mommie too).  See you later.  Love and hugs - "Auntie" Lisa.

2/13/2009 9:19:12 AM - 002055898242
Can you post the newspaper articles?  or the links to them?

2/10/2009 11:50:21 PM - 002056485367
Rebecca   Is everything ok???  I worry when you don't post!!  Sorry,but I look forward to hearing how Kibo is doing each day!!!  Big hugs to him and you and family...With concern and caring...Michele 

2/9/2009 4:03:43 AM - 002056485367
((((Kibo)))) I'm sooo glad your feeling better!! And it's great you got to go the beach today!! Especially since it was Averey's birthday!!  You are such a fighter...I missed seeing you on today,I've been checking back and forth and was just going to bed,and thought I'd check again and there you were!!  I hope you continue to get stronger and stronger each day!!  Give your mom and sister and brothers my best..I love all the new pic's!! Your a handsome devil...(((Hugs))) Michele

2/7/2009 6:57:25 PM - 002035458648

Rebecca, I am so happy your handsome boy is feeling better. It's not only a result of how much you love him, but also how much HE LOVES YOU.

Love to all,

Kibo's Auntie Terry

2/6/2009 2:52:41 AM - 000021793776

Hey Everyone - thank you so much for reading along on this journey.

 

I have a favor, with my fingers crossed. On Wed, Feb 4th, I did a journal entry with a very heartfelt thank you.  SOMEHOW, i delted it just now!  :(   Im wondering if by some chance, anyone may have been saving my posts. Or sent that particular part to someone .... or maybe printed it out, whatever - I would be THRILLED to be able to put it back in, word for word.

 

My email is NwptRN@yahoo.com   If by chance anyone has it, could you send it to me? Thanks!!!

2/4/2009 10:56:51 PM - 002056635592
i hope to here more good news about kibo, it breaks my heart, to see animals sick or in pain, your story was brought to my attention  from kibo's auntie lisa, she comes thru my drive thru everyday for coffee with brody, so me and the girls are preparing a donation for kibo, he seems like a fighter and we want to help you care for him, i know how hard it can be  caring for a sick animal, and be back and forth to the vet, i look forward  to more good news about kibo, just pray and think positve thoughts , a lot of people are praying as well

2/4/2009 7:02:12 PM - 002038400610
KIBO.....you sweet boy....alot of people...old and new friends are PRAYING for you BABY.....heal and rest...get better inside and then you will grow stronger and be able to do your favorite things again....your family LOVES and needs you at home with them....you bring them alot of happiness....so let's see you start to shine again....and your mom and family can laugh with you and play again....wishing you a JOYOUS memory filled happy long life....(((HUGS))) Sue and star* from the CanineCancer Comfort site xxoo

2/4/2009 5:51:35 AM - 002055898242
I continue to send prayers out to Kibo.  Thank you for keeping us up-to-date and sharing your journey with us.

mhash

2/3/2009 8:09:53 PM - 000095947880
Hi. I've been following Kibo on the LymphomaHeartDog Message Board and wanted you to know that Bear and I are pulling for you guys. Kibo is in our thoughts.......Joni

2/3/2009 5:24:40 PM - 002056918088
Hi Rebecca ~ I have been praying very hard for your Kibo.  Such a beautiful boy.  Lord hear our prayers!!  I know how sterssful this can be on both you and Avery.  Please take care!         Hang in there Kibo!!!  We love you!!

2/3/2009 4:51:58 PM - 002035458648

Oh Rebecca, I am heartsick for your boy. I will pray for you all to cope and get thru this. I love you.

Ter

2/3/2009 4:21:24 PM - 001076356590
Rebecca and Avery, I am praying for you every day, but especially today as you are going through so much. I hope you are right now getting good news to take him home. Much love to all of you, especially Kibo.

2/2/2009 3:09:35 PM - 002056501641
Wishing you and Kibo the best, you are all in my prayers.  As a fellow Lab owner, I totally understand the love for your pets.  Hang in there.

2/2/2009 3:34:30 AM - 000021793776
Hi RachelmichaelM ... are you from iV?

2/1/2009 6:40:19 PM - 002055590770
wish i have known!

1/23/2009 12:59:34 PM - 002054363823

Thinking of you and praying for Kibo...Chris from Homepages

1/9/2009 11:28:40 PM - 001003737877
twototsgrams from sporting dogs board here. This is a beautiful sight for a beautiful dog. I know you must be so worried. Hang in there we are all praying for Kibo and you. I have to say you have the most beautiful family of dogs I've ever seen!

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Loves his car rides!


I guess its time ...


My freinds are so happy to see me!

& you can see my tail wagging!

So far, so good. Mom brought me in this morning & my tail was, as usual, wagging away. & as usual, Mom had her camera & took my pictures with my friends there!  Mom kissed me good-bye & told me she'd see me in a few hours. She was a WRECK beacuse the worst scenario is that the medication (chemo) can leak out of my vein & cause such bad damage, that Euthansia is the only real option at that stage - that would scare ME too ... If i knew what it all meant!  BUT ... I got through with flying colors!

 

When Mom picked me up they told her how I never stopped wagging my tail - even during the IV being put in, & during the infusion, I was such a brave guy! & they said that all they heard all afternoon was the "thump thump thump" of my tail!  I couldn't help myself, I love the people there & I knew Mom was coming soon & would give me a COOKIE!!!   There are little, if any, major side effects expected for me. As Mom has said, dogs tolerate chemo 1000X better than humans. So Im a little tired now & may be for a few days, but they say they dogs like me bounce back quickly. Right now I am typing on the laptop while snoozing on the couch with Sana AND Maji ... nothing out of the ordinary about THAT!  & of course, Maji, my puppy,  as usual, is all snuggled up against me. He loves me!  Mom seems a bit nervous of what is to come, in case I get any side effects, but she said she will sleep down here with me so if I need her, she will be here. Of course!

 

I have to go have my blood drawn next week to see if my White Blood Cell count is ok. Chemo & the Prednisone they put me on can make it really low, & then I'd be susceptible (there I am with my Big Words again!) to infection, & also, they gave me some antibiotics to take, just in case. We want me to stay HEALTHY so I can have a trip to the dog park to see my freinds in a couple days. Im the KING of the dog park ... Sana things he is. But he's really not. We just humor him. 

I pretty much snoozed all eve. Nothing THAT out of the ordinary for me!  Mom woke me to see if I would drink some water, but I had enough earlier!  She knew I needed to go out because of all the water I had tonite, & I suprised my her by pretty happily & spryly (is that a word?) going outside. Boy did THAT feel GOOD!  ;)  & when I came in, I sort of had a look in my eye when I heard the cookie jar make noice, because Maji was getting his treat to go in his crate. Mom was SO happy when she tried to feed me ... I wasnt ALL that thrilled with the food as I usually am, but I did eat!  Usually she calls me "Piggly Wiggly" or "Gator Boy" because of how I eat SO quicky, but tonite i just ate a decent amount, fed with a fork by Mom, & I did pretty well. 

 

So now my Mom can sleep peacefully (HA!) knowing I ate something!  (Do you think she's Italian???)

Good monring! I am up & am feeling a bit better today. I even excited my Mom & Averey because I was interested in food! Not my usual piggy-self, but definatly more so today.  I ate (again, got Mom to hand feed me, HA HA! ) about 3/4 of my normal amount.  My mom thinks she's fooling me sneaking in LOTS of medicine! She says there are Holistic supplements & tinctures to support my liver during the chemo, & to boost my immume system, & help with my upset belly - AND there are meds from the vet, Prednisone, abx, stomach meds, etc ... she thought she was tricking me, but I gave her a break & took MOST of them. Mommy is smart though. She gave me the most important ones 1st!  Must be the nurse in her! So the ones I missed, I can do without for now. But she said I need to take them later, no matter WHAT! (maybe I can get her to put it in some ROAST BEEF!)

 

Mommy said she is  SO grateful for all the financial help beacuse otherwise, she'd never be able to give me what I need to fight this dumb cancer. You have no idea the great feeling it gives us & my Mom is SO much happier than she's been the past couple weeks! She is trying to be sure to write a personal note of thanks to everyone as well)

 

Time for a nap again ... Sana & Maji are sleeping, so I may as well too! Mom is posting a couple  photos from last nite & this morning. Maji sleeping next to me, & me snoozing this morning, with my bandage from my IV.  

Maji snuggling with Kibo last nite


Kibo this morning after breakfast

But she's not TOO worried because I *AM* eating, & looking forward to it, so she's very happy with that.  I normally eat (ummm ... inhale) ANYthing at all. My normal meals are canned food & veggies mom adds to it. My brother Sana & I started this diet 3 years ago when he had MAST cell cancer beacuse any doggie or person with cancer history, should have no carbs. I hear mom say that "carbs feed cancer cells", thats what our Holistic vet told her. So, we had complete diet changes & the great thing was we both lost SO much weight! I used to weigh 95#, now Im 72#! & Sana was about 88# & now he is 75#. I never thought I'd be in better shape than Sana!  ;)  Especially because mom calls me "Gator Boy" by the way I can snatch something off the table & swallow it before anyone notices!

 

So, what Im doing here to confuse Mom (ha ha ha!) is Im being PICKY! Im NEVER picky. If it looks like food, I normally will eat it. Including Barbie fake food from Avereys dollhouse!  & my favorite activity is to get into the lazy susan in the kitchen & even eat dry pasta ... after of course, i spread it from room to room. Mom hates that! 

 

Last nite I ate my canned food, but I definatly suddenly dont like the veggies in it anymore. So mom tried to seperate them. SHE thinks she's fooling me by hiding my pills in my food. I showed HER, as soon as I  noticed them, I stopped eating. She was dumbfounded by this because Ive always had supplements/pills in my food & I gobble it up! But NOT ANYMORE! Now I make mom DANCE!  So this morning again, she thinks she tricked me. She obviously has NO clue how smart I am! She put the most important pills in hot dogs, & I let her think she won - I took them, pretending I didnt notice!  But she DID (nice try Mom) put the rest of my supplements in my wet food, & I refused to eat most of it. I heard her tell Averey that she's going to have to figure out some more "tricks" tonite for dinner because I wont take (ewww! It stinks!) the Chinese 5 mushroom liquid that is supposed to fight cancer. I know its good for me, but I just dont like it!

 

I know mom was worried about the Prednisone Im on now. Its 40mg a day & she thinks thats a scary high dose. But she is comparing it to human doasges because she's a nurse. The vet said lets see how I do on it. It can cause VERY BAD panting, but so far, Im panting as usual. It also can cause pups to become famished, & extremely thristy, but so far, so good. Then again, it was only my 2nd dose today. Moms not sure how quickly the side effects can take effect. They give me this because its to follow the chemo, to keep killing off any cancer cells that may be lurking ... I think that the reason anyway!

 

 

See how chipper I looked last nite? :)


My & my brothers Sat AM. Im in the middle!


Sana & me


Fri nite

Yey! Kibo ate SO well tonite. I think i figured out the problem.

This picture was drawn by Averey. She doesnt know the full extent of Kibo's illness, but she does understand that he needs special medicine to help him. I explained to her that the medicine is very expensive for Mommy to get for him so there are lots of wonderful people who have helped Kibo get his medicine, some people that we dont even know!  She asked if she could "draw a thank you note to them".  So, here it is. Not exactly a thank you note, but she meant it!  Its a picture of her & Kibo dancing. "Please help my doggy get beder". & she even wrote "Go Kibo!"

She's such a sweet girl.

 

because I was truly almost hopeless that Kibo wasnt going to be here very long. As in WEEKS left for him. I journaled for myself ...  & I just read it. & Im so very grateful that he is able to have this chemo to give him a chance to be here with us for as long as we are granted.  It was written NY eve.

 

12/31/2008

Today I am about to begin a New Year, that will be without my favorite Boy. Yesterday, I receieved confirmation that Kibo, my beloved dog of 11.5 yrs, has Lymphoma. I knew all these years, especially as he grew older & a bit slower, & whiter, & his eyes have clouded, that one day this time would come, & I could'nt fathom it. & now that it's here, looming in the semi-near future, I can truly say that my heartis broken. I can feel physical pain in my chest. I feel desperate at times, almost out of breath ... for fear of when I wont come home & see his happy face in the front window, waiting for me. Or when Iwont hear him snoring all nite, keeping me awake. When I wont hear that big fat Lab tail thumping. Or I wont feel him stretching, sleeping sideways on the bed, practically pushing me off. Or snuggling in the corner of the couch in a sound sleep, sometimes dreaming, legs moving, whining, yelping, "chasing rabbits in his sleep" ... but waking the second he hears his favorite word "cookies". Or seeing his "happy ears", when his ears almost flip backwards, when he sees someone he loves, or he is puppy jumping, or wandering our beach. HOW CAN IT BE that he wont be in my life this time next year, withouta miricale? Or that he wont lie on the concrete patio in the warm summer sun, while I read out there. Or that I cant cool him down with one of his favorite games, catching the water from the hose?

So many memories: Picking that sweet little yellow bundle out. Arguing with my h at the time, about who would drive vs. who got to hold him, on the way home. Carrying him in the front of our overalls as a tiny pup. Brining him to puppy classes & swearing he was the cutest, smartest puppy ever. Climbing Mt. Washington with him & taking his photo as he reached the summit. Him running full force to us, on our wedding day, outside the church, because he was so excited to see us.Or the time when he was about 6 months old & we woke up & he looked like a Shar-pei! He had a HUGE allergic reaction to "something" & was all blown up like a balloon! Turns out we later found a feather duster, ripped to pieces. That was my little Lab for you.  Introducing him to he new little brother Sana, when Kibo was 1. Bringing Averey home a year or so later & Kibo immedietly licking her face from top to bottom, while she was still strapped into the car seat. The way my Mom loved him, & how much he loved to hop on the couch & stay warm with her ... for hours.

Averey as a small child, riding Kibo. Averey at 18 months, on video, thank God, watching him walk by & yelling "BOOKOO" for the 1st time ... which continues to be his nickname. Along with Kibs, Fudgie (after Fudgie the Whale Carvel cake), Boooks (short for Bookoo), Gator Boy (because of how fast he can steal food) & Fartemer. Thats an easy one to figure out the meaning of. Kibo was with me through my wedding, motherhood, divorce, loss of our 16 yr old kitty who he licked good-bye as I brought her to her last trip to the vet 3 yrs ago, the loss of my Mom & so many other life experiences.

He is truly the sweetest dog. & so handsome, sometimes I cannot stand it. & he even smells SO good ... for a dog! 

Yesterday I had made the decision I wouldnt subject him to chemo if he had cancer, & I think I was ok with it. Then I got some hope from Newport Animal Hospital, that maybe chemo WAS a good option for him. Im so torn. I will see them Friday to discuss his case in depth. In the meantime, I cant stop hugging him, touching him, petting him & smelling him. I cannot grasp that he can be gone in 4, 6, 12 weeks ... or 6 months if we are lucky.

That doesnt seem like luck to me. Not even close.

 

 

My mom is breathing a big old sigh of relief this morning because Im back to my old self! Begging for food, playing with my brothers & I snarfed down all my food AND my meds. 1 chemo down ... 4 to go! Moms a little worried that the side effects of REALLY heavy breathing & behaviour changes may show up at some point due to the Prednisone, but so far, nothing!

And the BEST news? Mom says my Lymph nodes are MUCH MUCH smaller than they were. I hear her saying that Remission can happen after one dose of chemo - but she doesnt want to declare THAT until I see the vet for my check up & blood work next week. Mom is so grateful for all of everyones support & prayers. I sure am a loved PUP PUP!!!!!

 

& Mom is proud to announce she thinks Im definatly over the hard part - which was barely hard at all! YEY! - of this round of chemo. Because I finished my dinner BEFORE my brother Sana!  :)  & I wasnt even picky ... back to my old self. Eating anything not nailed down!

I got my mom worried, yet again this morning because I wouldnt eat my breakfast. BUT, i seemed very hungry to her ... DUH MOM! Becasue I WAS!  She finally figured out how to get me to eat ... I couldn't resist. She spooned in my food & meds, into tiny "turkey roll ups". Even though i did NOT want the food mixed with my meds inside that she thinks she "hid" in the turkey, how can a LAB like me refuse TURKEY ROLL UPS! Not sure why Mom was saying to herself "this is so gross" ... I thought they were yummy. AND, the only one I spit out was the one with the really stinky med in it. SO, tonite she finally got smart! She made my dinner, with all my meds, EXCEPT the stinky med that I hate.  & I gave her a big reward by gobbling it all right up!  :)   She was a very happy Mommy.  & THEN, she snuck it into something that I ate, before I could realize it!!! I will be on my gaurd tomorrow, for sure!

 

I do go see Dr. Wirth, my vet, in the morning to see what my blood work says - chemo can really deplete my white blood cells, so hopefully they will be fine. They MUST be because Im acting really normal. I loved a walk in the snow today with Mom & my brothers. The big goofs, they played tug of war with a sock the WHOLE walk, when they werent chasing our cat Zuri. (he's a crazy cat, he comes on walks too! I think he thinks he's a dog. He even WRESTLES with the pup! Mom will post some pics later)   *I* just did my normal walking & sniffing & peeing everywhere I could hit.

 

Mom, AGAIN, keeps saying how thankful she is to all the wonderful people who have been donating to help me get the care I need. & I thank you too! If you were here, I'd certainly share my turkey roll ups with you ... you can have the stinky one!  

I saw Dr. Wirth today & he said he was "thrilled" with my progress since the chemo last Thursday.  He felt all my lymph nodes & the 2 sets, in my neck & near my shoulders, that had been HUGE (very bad sign, made Mom cry last week!), are not even "Palpable" ... whatever THAT means. It must mean something good because Mommy started to cry AGAIN, but this time I think it was because she was HAPPY! He did warn mom that some of the other lymph nodes in my body were still just a bit swollen, but should still go down & this was all normal & on course. AND that although this was a very encouraging sign, it doesnt tell us how well I will do, for how long. But I think Im very happy knowing that my mom is releived, & she feels that we will have lots more time together to do fun stuff like wrestle with my brothers, steal food & get into the garbage. YIPPEEE! ... MUCH more time that if she didnt try the chemo to help me.

 

I DID have to get a NEEDLE today though. Ick. But it really didnt hurt, in fact, i kind of didnt even notice him taking my blood. Tomorrow he will call with the results. Its to check to make sure the chemo didnt deplete my White Blood cells too much. But he said everything so far looks great & now that Im eating pretty normally again, Im a very happy boy. I didnt just run out of the vets today, I even ran INTO the vets. Because .... THEY HAVE COOKIES!  :)

Sana teaching Maji to lick my ears!


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Me & my little brother Maji


At the dog park with my freinds!


Me & my doggie freinds. Im top left corner.


Maji & Me. Maji always holds my paw.


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& he CHEWS my paw too!


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Snoozing with my girl Averey.


Me (on left) & Sana with Averey


You woke me UP to take a picture???

We got blood work results back & I am now in "partial remission" after just ONE chemo dose! My lymph nodes are barely even affected in most places on my body, & the "cancer count" in my blood went from 2707, to 520 in 1 week! YEY!!!!

Its all very complicated, I saw mom take lots of Tylenol the past couple days!  She's been on the phone & the computer, 2 vet visits, & gathering information to BOMBARD both my vets with, about diet (my new special cancer fighting diet), side effects, blood work & the plan for me.

The hope is that with the next 4 chemos, every 3 weeks, then I will be done & in a good LONG remission. Then I can spend all my time getting loved by everyone, as usual! Mom gets really nervous even thinking about the "average" remission time frames that vary from 6 months - 18 months ... but she has met some people who's dogs were in remission even longer than that! So ... we will just take this all one day at a time.  I know Im a strong boy. She knows it too - its just sometimes she worries so much about what will happen down the road. She needs to LIVE IN THE MOMENT!!!

Our house looks like a doggie pharmacy! I am on 3 meds from the vet, & then about 12 different things, maybe MORE, from the Holistic vet to keep my immune system strong (because Chemo can really do damage to my immune system she says), & to keep my organs working, to keep my nausea away & basically to keep me as healthy as I can be during this tough time.

Thats our happy update from Newport!  xo

We are in partial remission after Kibos 1^st dose of chemo , last Thurs!!!

 

He got L-Asparininase & Doxi.  & is on 40mg Prednisone a day.  His protocol will now be Doxo every 3 weeks, 4 more treatments. He tolerated it really well – just had some appetite issues & sleepiness, but by day 3, was pretty much back to himself. Today, 1 week later, he was frisky in the snow, rolling in it & puppy-jumping around. It was literally a JOY to watch! Then he stole the neighbor dogs giant rawhide bone, lol. I don’t let him have rawhide, so you should have seen his face looking at me like “Go ahead, TRY & take it back!” & he ran away from me – trying to get me to chase him, lol.

I also haven’t seen any of the Prednisone side effects I hear about, like the huge water consumption or the heavy breathing.

 

His sub mandibular lymph nodes & the ones near his shoulder blades, were really big. They are totally non-detectable now. His popliteal ones are still palpable, but much smaller than they were.

 

His WBC count was 8,600 prior to chemo, & 7,700 after, & even better, his Lympocytes were 2752 prior to chemo, & 539 now!

Needless to say, I am thrilled. & praying like crazy.  My vet made it a point to remind me (gently) that response, whether fast or slow, doesn’t really coorelate with remission time. But I am praying for a long , complete remission once this whole cycle is done. As of couse, all of us in this situation are.

 

I saw the Holistic vet the day after bloodwork was done at my regular vet.  She was so excited at how well he seemed. We talked a LOT about supplements & food. 1^st off, we are switching from the Evingers canned & added veggies, to a more complete food. I switched to Evingers 3 months ago on her recommendation, BUT, I didn’t realize it wasn’t supposed to be the ONLY food source! My poor boys. Its not complete nutrition! I felt SO horrible. But thankfully we realized I had misunderstood. SO …  I needed to find something not horrifically expensive, grain free/low carb for Kibo, & my almost 10 yr old , who had 3 yrs ago AND something nutritious for the pup, who is 5 months. After lots of research, I chose Taste of the Wild Wetlands Canine Formula.

 

We also talked about his supplements. I asked her a bunch of ? from what I learned on the boards here.  He was already on Cell Advance, IP6, Hoxy-like solution, 5 mushroom elixir, Eleuthra, Milk thistle & probiotics.  We are ADDING  Am Omega 3 (fish oil) & L-Argenine &  L-Glutamine.

 

So our plan is to do chemo again on Jan 30. Just the doxo. He will see the H vet a week or so later, she will do chiro for his arthritis & any acupuncture if needed for chemo side effects. Hopefully he will do as well as he did this time, with the chemo.

 

We've been so lucky with so few side effects. He was wonderful pretty much all week. Just yesterday he was chasing a ball at the dog park. I know they say they can have up & down days, but I dont LIKE the down days!

 

The positive thing is he woke up & ate well this AM. No issues there. But he's been on the couch pretty much ever since, about 4 hrs. His breathing is very rapid, about 80X a minute. Thats 4X what it should be. Normal dog temp is 100-103, he was 103.1   The concern could be sepsis, a blood infx because the chemo & Prednisone lowers the bodies immunity (defense system) & they can get an infection that can get really bad, fast, in their blood. Good thing is he is taking treats if i give them, so thats a good sign.

 

I called the vet 30' ago to run it all by him. He did feel his respirations were very high, & its "odd" for the side effects of rapid heavy breathing to come on 10 days post cemo/Pred, but it can happen. Im praying thats all it is.  The vet told me to watch his temp & if it hits 104, he will have me bring him in to check him out.  He feels that since his bloodwork was good this week, that its likely this is just a side effect of the meds, instead of an infection setting in. I hope he's right.

 

He did finally get himself off the couch & he is definatly weak. His back legs were shaky, poor guy. I have read about Prednisone causing leg weakness. He didnt want to go up the 2 stairs to his water bowl, so i brought it to him, of course.  He drank & then went out to pee & did ok. But now he went back into the bathroom & is curled up in the SHOWER. He did that ONCE in his life, right b4 his diagnosis. I wonder if thats his "place to go" when he doesnt feel well? Its cool, & calm for him maybe?  But it makes me sad  :(

 

Needless to say, I am watching him like a HAWK. & praying this passes.

Maji, ay 5 months, almost as big as Kibo!


Bone stolen from the neighbor!


Stealing Barcley's (our neighbor) bone!


Kibo & Averey


All my kidlets! :) Kibo on floor.


Trying to stay cool in the shower stall!


Ave is such a good sister


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Comfy shower with the laptop for a DVD so Kibos wasnt alone!

Photos above of Averey lying in the shower with Kibo. She was so worried about him, so she set herself up to lie with him. I brought in the laptop so they could watch movies together.

Kibo did get up when company came, on his own, & plopped himself in the middle of the kids playing Wii.  :)   & his respirations are still a bit high, but he SCARFED down his dinner ... so thats a great sign.

I feel WAY better. & I spoke with Laurie, from MBF, who's been thru this for years, & she said it sounds like he is just having a "flat out" day. & he will bounce back. As long as he isnt uncomfortbale, his temp is ok & he's eating ... Im ok. She also suggested, what Ive been pushing for, is to back off his Pred dose thats so high. I will do that if needed.

I havent seen her that nervous about me since my diagnosis, or my 1st chemo treatment.

I just did NOT feel well at all. But it couldnt have been TOO bad, because I still ate well!  :)

It was hard not to breathe so fast & so hard, but I kept telling mom I wasnt in pain & I didnt have a temp, so I'd be ok. Even my girl Averey climbed into shower with me with pillows & blankets, which made me feel SO much better.

This morning I ate my food all up! & mom is happy my breathing is SO much better. She talked to Dr. Wirth, my vet, & they decided I dont need ALL of that yucky Prednisone, that may have been what was making me so icky yesterday. So she is giving me 30mg a day now, instead of 40mg.

My freind, Kobismom, from the Magic Bullet Fund website & NAH, is coming to meet me today! & I hear she is brining me a new toy! So I'd better go get ready for the legions of fans coming to see me today!  :)

 

Edited at 4:30pm. I had such a nice visit from Lisa! She brought me a toy & lots of love. Unfortunately I wasnt my usual chipper happy self, but i wagged my tail as I rested & she pet me.  :)   Mom took my brothers out for the day so I could get some peace & QUITE! Maji jumped right on my head earlier while I was asleep! He needed to chase the kids sledding .. & sure enough, he's sound asleep now. & Mom is SO happy beacuse although Im still sort of lazy today, I LOVED the hamburger she suprised me with (except MAJI stole some of it! He got a time out. Ha!) & my breathing is NORMAL now. YEY!

Kibos doing much MUCH better. In fact, today he have me his "look", of "Wanna get the sock from me?" ... he wanted to play keep-away from Mom.  He jumped right up when we came in & he ate very well - back to his normal eating. He still tires easily, but as has been pointed out to me, his body is fighting the fight of its life, so he needs rest. He still is sequestering himself in the shower occassionally when his panting gets the best of him - & he quiets right down from the coolness I think. The panting is nothing like Ive read about, so we are lucky. It just comes & goes a bit. & now that he's on the lower Prednisone, maybe it will stay ok.

Im always feeling his lymph nodes.  I get so nervous if I feel any thing that gets bigger, of course. His neck ones scared me for a bit today, but i think Im just being paranoid. The great thing is the poplitiel ones, in his back legs, are almost totally down. They were the only remaining ones after his 1st chemo, & they are teeny tiny now!  :)   He is definatly remaining in remission!  His next chemo is on 1/20.  Nine more days. Ugh. BUT, they say the 1st is the worst - & if thats as bad as it gets for him (& us), then we are MOST certainly doing the right thing.

Tears twice today. Once because a freind I met on the MBF board, who's Yellow Lab was dx 2 months prior to Kibo, is losing the battle against Lymphoma. He's bleeding internally, he has large masses on his spleen & liver, & they stopped chemo this week. Its just heartbreaking for this woman. She lives for her dog - & its so hard to watch someone suffer this loss ... especially when I know ours could be around the next corner. At any moment. I still cannot fathom it. I HATE THIS DISEASE. But in my ever (sometimes crazily so) positive outlook on things, this HAS given us time to say good-bye to some extent, to ready ourselves for the eventual inevitable.

Speaking of - Averey doesnt know the seriousness of Kibo's illness, but she needs time to greive & say her good-byes, in her own way. She needs to know we dont know how much time our Boy has ... but then again, NONE of us know - so we must live every day as if its our last. Ive explained it a bit, thats he's an old dog, that he needs meds to help his sickness, etc. We've talked about The Rainbow Bridge & that Gramma Lisa will welcome Kibo & Sana into Heaven when the time comes, b/c she loved them so much.

But tonite I think she "got it". She was crying, lying on the floor with a blanket & pillow. She told me she was "having bad thoughts about Kibo" & wanted me to sit with her. I tried to keep my tears at bay (barely did ... ok, some slipped) & I explained to her that the important thing is that he is here with us right now, he is happy, he loved the beach today, & we dont know how long any of our animals will be with us - so the important thing is that he knows he is loved - & of course he does - & that we spend all the time with him, loving him, that we want. & do you know what that pup did? He got up & he came over, & he laid next to Ave & he put his head on her pillow with her.  He is an affectionate dog, but lately he needs his space. Yet, he did that. If that doesnt tell me about how he feels about his sister, & he knows she was sad ... nothing does. At that point i reminded her of my favorite memories of him & her: When we brought her into the house, right after her birth, he licked her from chin to forehead ... while still strapped into her car seat.  & her giving him his nickname "Bookoo" (pronounced like boo!) when she as 18 months old. & also, how she nicknamed him "Fartemer" ... for obvious reasons. We had a couple laughs with out tears & he laid with her for a while.

Oh ... life isnt easy sometimes. But the love is well worth the pain.

Mom says "He's at about 80% of his usual self".  I think I am!  I do get a LITTLE more tired out then usual, but not too too much. I enjoyed the dog park yesterday ... I even asked mom to throw my tennis ball a little for me. There were 2 younger labs who wanted it BADLY, but they must know Im an old  guy because all they did was run towards it, but they let ME get it everytime!  :)  That is until a big old Doberman broadsided me & knocked me right off my PAWS! OUCH! But I was fine. I didnt even yelp. After about 30 min Mom put me back into the nice warm car while my brothers finished their crazy playing. & then today we had a nice walk on the beach until Maji kept trying to drag a dead bird by the feet, who was bigger than HE was! Crazy pup!

 

So, Im just hanging out, enjoying my spoiled life. Mom thinks she has totally tricked me into the 14 pills in my food every day, but I just decided to give in & take them & eat up all my meals, every last one of them. She's SO happy when I eat!

 

A local paper, Newport This Week has asked to do a story on ... ME! Me! Kibo Homer!  :)   The man interviewed my Mom & then yesterday we met him on the beach to have him take pictures of me. I was in my  usual beach glory ... trying to eat crab shells & dead fish. Ick. & Maji my crazy brother keeps finding this dead black duck thats been on the beach, frozen, for days - & running around with it, dragging it by its foot! He is SO gross!

 

Im feeling GREAT! Totally back to normal. Mom says I have my 2nd chemo this Friday. I can tell she's a little nervous, but I keep hoping she remembers that I did pretty darn well with my 1st one, & they say the side effects lessen with each one. Because on the 1st chemo, they REALLY try to blast this stupid Cancer RIGHT OUTTA ME! 

 

Keep your eyes peeled for my handsome pics in the paper!

& so very, very, grateful, for the kindness of strangers!!! The world *IS* a good place! Especially for Kibo!!!! 

 

Today, the same day I was a wreck about his 2nd chemo treatment due today,  I received a call from the vet, that someone made a VERY sizable donatation to Kibo's treatment, after reading the article published in our local paper about his cancer. They weren't able to give me the name of the donor at this time as they may want to remain anonymous. I am praying that the person does let us thank them personally ... I am eternally grateful, as I'm sure Kibo is.  Words cannot express the joy that filled my heart when I heard those words.  So if you are reading this, along with the other person who sent in a donation to the vet, & everyone else who has donated, or sent prayers & wishes to us, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. All us of ... myself, Averey, Kibo & our other pets. Your help, along with everyone elses, has lightened a HUGE financial & emotional burden for me, & allowed me to give to Kibo, the medical help he needs, to give him literally a fighting chance at this killer, Lymphoma. This has allowed me time to care for him & love him as long as we are given the gift of his staying here on earth with us.  I keep thinking that without this treatment, we'd be at about week 4 of diagnosis, mere weeks until we would lose him.

 

& on the wave of wonderful news ... he did great through this chemo today. Of course, there will be some down days to follow, Im sure  - but with some luck, he will pretty much sail through, as he did his last treatment. 

 

I will sleep peacefully tonite!  (well ... except for Kibos snoring!)  ;)   

when he heard about the large donation sent to Kibos fund.

 

"There are two ways to live your life - one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle."

I think she keeps forgetting this is all to be expected. She seemed to have thought that since with my last chemo treatment, which was my 1st one, I was immedietly a bit tired & nauseous, & I wouldnt eat well for a couple days ... that since I seemed FINE the past 2-3 days after this, my 2nd dose, that we were out of the woods.

 

Well ... surpise Mom!  Chemo doesnt go by the book!

 

Ive been feeling SO great! Totally normal the past week or more. I had my 2nd chemo on Fri & was eating like my normal piggy self even since them. I even was SO excited today to go to the dog park (where my dumb brother Maji rolled in MUD PUDDLES! Dope!) & I made Mom throw my tennis ball over & over today,  (she doesnt even throw it too far ... she thinks Im an old doggie.  But i love to run the 10 or 20 feet to get it before anyone else does! & then mom says "Good job Kibo!" or "youre so fast!"  I love that ) & she even played tug of war with me ... she had to because I kept sticking the end of the rope in her hand  ;)  But a few hours later when it was dinner time - she knew something was up. I am ALWAYS under her feet, waiting for that food. She hates that. But C'MON! Please ... you never know when she may drop a morsel & I wouldnt want to miss it!! 

 

I'm kind of pathetic tonite. This Prednisone makes me very thirsty & I keep walking over to my water bowl & ALMOST drinking ... but then I realize my tummy hurts, so I dont.  But i DO keep wagging my tail because I am a happy guy & I know Im surrounded by LOVE!  Plus, Ive never thrown up not ONCE with this chemo stuff, so it cant be ALL bad!  Dr. Wirth had given me 2 days of anti neasuea meds to take, but they ended yesterday. I  guess maybe I need more days of it? Im SURE my mom will call & bother them in the morning. In the meantime, mom says I do look comfy, sleeping on the couch.  Of course, as usual when she is worried about me, she lets me sleep right there on the couch with her so she can keep an eye on me all nite long. & I like that!

Ive been up most of the nite with Kibo - & just sent this to the Canine Cancer group I belong to. & another group who all have dogs on chemo. MANY of them are dealing with internal bleeding, extreme lethargy, vomiting, etc ... so i KNOW we are better off ... but it just all scares me ... whats waiting down the road for us?

 

Here's my post:

Do any of you every question whether you're doing the right thing? Kibo's having a bad nite here. Ive been up & down all nite with him. & I think, based on what Ive read of other dogs; experiences, he doesnt even have that bad of side effects. But it breaks my heart to see him like this. I thought we dodged a bullet when he was FINE directly after his chemo Fri ... all the way thru Sun afternoon. In fact, Sunday he played at the dog park with energy as if chemo didnt exist. He ate like a piglet all Fri - Sun afternoon. This was his 2nd chemo, the 1st with just Doxo. The 1st chemo, w/ Doxo & L-Aspirinase, 3 weeks prior, he was a bit lethargic right away & TOTALLY turned off to food for 3 days. So since he seemed fine THESE past few days, I thought we were scott free. I was wrong. All of a sudden last eve he totally refused food. No vomiting, but obviously very out of sorts. He's weak, getting up & down by himself, but a little unsteady. & then just flops down to rest. The thing that makes me feel the worst is he must be SO thirsty from the Pred, he keeps going to his water bowl, leaning down to it, lifting his head, leaning back in, looking at me, & then flopping down without ever taking a sip. Im assuming its the nausea. Also, we are in RI. Its COLD outside. Not horrible, but maybe 30 degrees. He kept asking to go out all nite & would flop onto the patio (which is fenced in) & not wanting to get up & come in. I finally, about 3am, let him stay out there ... figuring he wants it, maybe the cold patio floor made him feel better ... but of course I cant sleep knowing he's outside! So I set my alarm for every 30 min (Im sleeping right in the living room, off the patio, so Im not far from him) to get up & check on him. I just made him come in at 5am & again he tried to drink, but couldnt make himself. He did get Cerenia for Fri & Sat, to take at home. Im calling the vet 1st thing in the AM to get him more. But I doubt I will be able to get him to take it, feeling like he is. Maybe instead I should bring him in for a shot of anti nauseau med or something. Im NOT questioning whether Im doing the right thing. I know in the GRAND scheme of things, these couple (hopefully just a couple) days of nauseau is nothing compared to his quickly succumbing to lymphoma within weeks, if i didnt treat him ... but I feel so sad for my boy. Thanks for listening. I will also try you guys tricks Ive heard about, the clear gatorade in the water .... but then again, i dont think he WILL drink water. Or maybe the beef broth in the water? ~Rebecca & Kibo, age 11.5 dx: Lymphoma (no typing done) 12/30. 2nd chemo on 1/30/09

Wow, its been a rough day. Im at my tear edge (as in, may go over that edge any moment) & am exhausted after today. I had to carry Kibo in & out of the car 3X, finally on that 3rd time I called my cousin & he came to help b/c I was going to hurt one of us! I am too tired to re-type ... so I will cut & paste from the Cancer Forum I just updated. Please say some prayers these side effects go away soon! I know many dogs do MUCH worse on chemo. We've had no relapse, no sepsis, no internal bleeding, no major vomiting or anything ... but my poor boy looks SO pathetically miserable.

 

Kibo's having a REALLY tough time this dose  :(  In fact, the past 36 hrs has been scary. Following the 1st dose, all his lymph nodes were down, his CBC looked good & he ended up decreasing his lymphocytes (cancer cells) from like 2700 to 500. So i was thrilled. The immeidiate days following that 1st dose, 3 weeks ago, he was tired with no appetite for 2 days, but bounced right back. Then he did have a bad reaction, which i beleive I posted about, on days 10-11. VERY lethargic, but still ate no problem. We attributed it to his Prednisone dose, & we lowered it. All was well.

This past Friday he had his 2nd dose. He flew thru.  I thought we were out of the woods. But on Sunday, after his playing ball at the park & being fine, he suddenly wouldnt eat or drink as of 4pm yesterday. & its been downhill from there. His appetite is gone. He's ingested nothing since yesterday. Vomited once, but no diarrhea.  He was pretty weak this AM, & I brought him to the vet. They came out to the car to give him 2 shots of anti-nausea meds, so he didnt have to go in being so weak. At that stage I figured things would get better. That was 2pm. By 6pm today I called them & said "He needs to be seen". His temp was 104.3, he was breathing fast & hard, & he literally cant hold his own weight up  :(   Worse, in his weakness today, he slipped & twisted his foot ... so NOW he can't bare weight on it, & being so weak, now he's almost immobile.   So ... we are just in from him getting IV fluids for hydration, & bloodwork. In the morning, they will call & if he isnt almost normal, he will go in for the day to get more IV fluid & to keep an eye on him. The doc said we will lower his chemo dosage next time.

Had you asked me 36 hrs ago, I'd have glowed with the great report of how wonderful he was doing & how playful he has been. But I guess this is the world of cancer & chemo. 

I have to say 2 things ... 1. He has wagged his tail throught this. Anytime some comes to talk to him or pet him. He's just a love & everyone at the vet seems to really love him back.  &

2. Thank GOD for people who have helped us financially. I cant tell you how much it helps not to have to think "Can I afford to bring him in ... does he REALLY need to go?"  In this case, its a very good thing I did because his temp was very high & he needed fluids badly. So again, thank you everyone, for both the monetary donations, & just as importantly, the emotional donations!!!

 

 

after a very stressful day, Kibo went downhill very quickly this evening. I am failry confident he will pull through (or I wouldnt have come home), but am again going to cut & paste from the Cancer group - thanks

I live in RI & there is no 24 hr vet. I had to drive 30' (at 90MPH mind you) to get him there. When I saw that temp of 105.5, I knew we were in trouble. I got my cousin to carry him out, everyone covered in diarrhea, God bless him. Kibo wasnt even able to lift his head. His breathing was so fast & so deep. I was so afraid I'd lose him right there on the way - all by ourselves.

We got there & he said Kibo was in Cardiogenic shock. His pulse was 3X what it should be, VERY weak & very thready. He said twice "Im very concerned at how weak his pulse is & how weak he is physically".  They did immediate chest xrays, almost hoping to see a minor pneumonia so he "knew what he was dealing with". His temp was 105.2 upon arrival. Cst xrays were clear. His blood glucose was very low, so they started an IV of course. I was holding my breath like I cant tell you. Thinking "no, this cant be IT".  I kept thinking back over all the stories I read about people dogs being "fine" & then 2 days later ... gone. & I begged God not to let this be it. I also put Holy Water on him b4 we left the house. It was my Grammas & I save it for really important things.

The Xray did show some good things ... we'd not had one with his Lymphoma dx. This doc said he sees none of the internal lymph nodes at all - which is a great sign cancer-wise. He said his heart was smaller than it should be beacuse the heart & the blood vessels "clamped down", b/c of the shock. But if it reveresed, they'd go back to normal.

Within 20 min of fluid, you could see his breathing ease a bit. & within an hour, he was a little antsy. Still very weak, but fidgety. As opposed to literaly, the limp dishrag I brought into them  :(

He also gave him 2 kinds of IV antibiotics. He feels its most likey an infection coming from the intestines. He said "The intestines are filled with mean little bacteria that find the most miniscule chance to attack. Its an opportunistic infection due to the immune suppression of the chemo".  I asked if this may mean that he coudlnt continue chemo (which terrifies me .. but also in the back of my mind, Im thinking "chemo did THIS to him") & he said it would depend on the WBC. That will be back in the Am. He said also, we could try a different med than the Doxo.

I cant even go there right now. I just need him stable with pink gums & able to walk! I did tell him about that leg dragging & he said "Hopefully it was just vascular - from the vascular system beginning to shut down". Cripes thats scary.

I was supposed to go to work tonite from 7p - 7a. I shudder to think what I may have found when I got home in the AM, if i hadnt called out of work for tonite.

So the plan is i pick him up in about 7 hrs, at 8am b/c they are only open nites. If he isnt stable enough, he will go strait to my regular vet for the day - or he will come home if he's ok.  I have learned today to insist on something if i think I know its right for him. I should have insisited on IV fluids earlier today, & maybe just brought him to the ER vet earlier.

I was afraid to leave him there, but I could see he was improving. & I think he was aggravated at my being physically draped over him, lol.  The vet told me he would be VERY suprised if he didnt pull thru, but that there was always the chance of a seizure, a heart arrhythmia, etc ... but he would be very shocked & felt it was safe for me to go (my 8 yr old was with a sitter & she was  a wreck. Begging me as Kibo was being carried out to "promise me he will come back. Promise me you wont let them put him to sleep". Ugh)

They DO know that if he makes ANY turn at all, no matter how small, for the worse - to call me ASAP & I will get back there. I just called to check on him (I left about an hour ago) & all the guy said, when i asked "Has he improved?" was "Mmmm, a little bit. He's sleeping now".  NOT really what I wanted to hear ... but then again, there's not likley much more to tell in an hours time.

So - thats the story. I pray I never have to watch him go thru anything like it again. But he's strong & loved, & I think he will pull thru.  Thank you ALL so very much. I will update you tomorrow.

~Rebecca

to check on Kibo's condition.  I have to go get Kibo in an hour to transfer him to my own vet as the emergency vet closes during the day. I was SO terrified they'd tell me he didnt make the nite. He did. But the vet wasnt exactly overly excited at all. His temp is only down to 103.5 & he is "breathing ok". He seemed hesitant in his report to me. & I said "So he didnt bounce back like you thought" & he said "I wouldnt have expected that, given the condition he was in"

SH*T Im so damn scared for him.

He is just a mess. The overnite emergency vet said that it is cardiogenic shock due to either an overwhelming infection, likely in his intestines (as lung xrays are clear, so its not pneumonia) beacuse the chemo decreased his immunity - or its an effect of the chemo on his intestines itself which has just shocked his whole system.  & the shock is caused by his heart clamping down which made his heart rate 180 ... & weak. His breathing barely there. He was almost comatose when I got him there last nite.

Dr. W called. They are pretty sure it is not an outside bacteria that has caused this. He feels that the chemo started to destroy his intestinal lining, therefore breaching a pathway for the dangerous bacteria within his intestines, to leak out into his body. Causing a type of sepsis. Very, very ill. & very serious.  He explained that chemo is meant to destroy rapidly dividing cells, which is what chemo cells do & are. The only other 2 cells in the body that rapidly divide are intestinal & hair follicles (hence humans losing their hair, & dogs sometimes losing whiskers). He doenst feel it was the specific chemo med that did this ... as some chemo meds are known for specific issues (some target the heart, or other organs), but ALL chemo meds target rapidly dividing cells. & it just hit his intestines really really hard.  Sure, it hit his cancer cells hard & he is in remission ... but now this  :(

 

BUT, for  now, he is holding his own. His vital signs are stable. His EKG of his heart looks fine. He is still weak & I believe cannot walk on his own still, but we have the choice, if he stays at the stability he is at now prior to 7pm when my vet closes, of bringing him home to spend the nite, or driving the 30' in a snowstorm, to let him sleep at the emergency vets. I of course, if its safe for him, want him here in his own home. As comfortable as he can be made. He isnt in pain from what we can tell, for that I am grateful. Then, in the morning, he would go back for more IV fluids & IV antibiotics. & meds for his belly. Thats really all that can be done at this point. 

 

I have also called my Holsitic vet who has treated him for the past 2 yrs for arthritis, looking over the info. She may have some good input as to what can help him in this situation.

 

I asked the vet if he felt Kibo would pull thru this & he said "We arent out of the woods yet. He's an older dog & we just dont know at this point. It may be a few days before we know for sure, either way".

 

To say I am terrified, & sick to my stomach, is an understatement. But it will be wonderful to have him here to love all nite long.

Im sleeping on the couch & Kibo is placed on the floor, on blankets & a plastic sheet, right below me - with his head near my head. I have set the alarm every 2 hrs to take his temp & check on him. I just got up, & was SO THRILLED we made it to 5am ... & he's till ok. I did all I needed to do, temp, cleaned him up, turned him ... & got on here to update - & realized its 3 hours earlier than I thought. I want those 3 hrs. Because it means we would be 3 hours further into this, & still ok.

 

So yes, my Boy is home here - where he belongs. We made the decision that since the only thing being done at this stage is supportive care - he is either going to pull thru ... or he isnt. & certainly if he doesnt need meds & IV's overnite, then he should be here with us. He will go back to the vets in the morning for a day more of IV's & meds. Thank GOD for the wonderful angels who have & continue to, donate to his medical costs. I cannot tell you that the financial burden this would carry, would be weighing SO heavily on my mind right now. Instead, for now, I can totally focus on Kibo & what he needs, instead of how I am going to pay for this.

 

I picked him up at 6:30pm last nite. I brought Averey with me. I have been trying to gently get her to understand that this may be Kibo's time to go, soon - but she just covers her ears & says "No dont say it!" & begs me to tell her he will be ok. When she saw him being carried out, she got very nervous. & even worse, when he lay pretty limp in my backseat, she panicked. But when he heard her voice, we heard "Thump thump thump!" & she got so excited & said "Mommy, LOOK! He's wagging his tail because he loves me! He's going to be alright!!" 

God i wish I knew that for sure.  Over the next little while, I think she definatly realized that he may not be with us much longer ... either because of this epidose, or the cancer itself. She kept asking how he got so sick & I explained that without medicine the cancer would have made him die really fast. But the medicine also can be very hard & can hurt parts of his body too. Its a very small chance, so we decided to try the medicine, but we had no idea it would hurt his insides so badly. & she said "Well, the doctors are very smart. Cant they just  make a medicine that doesnt hurt Kibo's body?"  Out of the mouths of babes. An almost 9 yr old babe (to be, on Sunday).  She proceeded to say many prayers out loud that ended in about 20 "Please God"'s, that he would be ok. She then told me "Mom, God's my buddy & I talked to him. I told him that you, me, Daddy, Sana, Maji, Zuri, Monica, Bill, & Kate REALLY want him to stay with us a lot longer, & the whole world does to ... so he will do that for us".

 

Here is his prognosis. His vital signs are stable. He IS fighting the Toxemia (this is his diagnosis. The dangerous bacteria in his intestines leaked into his body & caused this raging poisoning of his body) right now. Dr. W said that we should know if he is going to pull thru- either take a turn for the worse, or show a bit of (very slow) improvement, by about the 24 hour mark. That mark is 7pm Wed nite. (hence my wishing away 3 hours a few moments ago).  The vet gave me his direct cell phone & I was to call anytime, for any question. If he takes a turn for the worse, then he needs to go to the emergency vet to be stabalized ... but it would likely be only temporary. Otherwise, he goes back to NAH (Newport Animal Hospital) in the morning - & all his freinds will be waiting for him, Im sure.

 

He cannot walk. He cannot even sit up. Hell, he cannot even roll himself OVER   :(   But the doc assured me that he woudlnt have expected dramatic progress. He's a very sick, older dog. & it will be slow. Ive spoken to one person who's chemo dog, also at an older age, who had this exact thing happen, & it took 6 days, but her dog Keesha came through it & lived 9 more joyous months before succumbing to Lymphoma. PLEASE let that be us.  Dr. W also had 1 other older dog have this happen, & again, slowly, but he came out of it. So - Im left with hope. Yet, Im AFRAID to have too much hope, but I must have it, for Kibo's sake. & Averey's. & even for my sake right now.

 

Last nite I got into him 15cc of water with a syringe, which had some Glutamine in it. That helps protect the stomach lining. I wont go into the absolute guilt I feel that I had purchased that to put him on, 2 weeks ago ... but he is on appx 15 meds & supplements a day ... i forgot to add it & didnt realize that until people who have been thru canine cancer started asking me if he had been on Glutamine. The pill bottles have sat on my computer desk this whole time!!!Now i know that it may have done nothing to prevent this from happening, but I can only wonder. Anyway, Dr W told me to try small bites of meat or something nutritious. The good news is he IS interested ... he just doesnt want it, or knows he cant tolerate it. He perks up whenever I bring food over, sniffs it, but refuses it. EXCEPT he did take a few bites of shrimp last nite (after refusing beef, ham, dog food, & a strawberry - all things he would normally love).  Its amazing how getting 3 tiny bites of shrimp & 3 teaspoons of water into him, made me want to rejoice.

 

His temp has been stable all nite. He is alert & his eyes are bright. He wags his tail when spoken to or petted & gives me great eye contact. He lifts his head occassionally but as I said, he cannot really move himself. I change his position & turn him side to side every couple of hours ... just like a sick person would need. Everytime (like just now), i turn around to look at him, he raises his eyes to me & his tail wags. Thats GOT to be good, right? Its got to mean he's feeling stronger. That he can fight. Im to watch for vomiting, more major diarreha, increase in temp, labored breathing, high heart rate, & general attitude changes (not responding to us with a tail wag, or not looking up at us, etc) which woudl all mean the sepsis is becoming overwhelming.

 

I contacted my Holistic vet last nite & today I will drive over the bridge (or have Kristen meet me 1/2 way maybe ... Kris, I will call you in the AM) to buy some Colostrum for him. Yes, colostrum. Beginning breast milk (cow colostrum).  The bacteria fighting abilities of it are well known. & its a really great healer. & its well known to coat the intestinal lining of premature babies who's intestines are damaged ... at the very least, it cannot hurt. We kind of laughed because Im a Labor & Delivery RN. I wish I could ask for new moms to donate some. But alas, that would be a bit unprofessional! lol  If i knew of a local Le Leche League contact, it went thru my mind to contact them to ask for some breast milk donations .... & I know they would very likely donate for Kibo because although colostrum is like liquid gold, breast milk itself is pretty darn close. Ok, I know many of you are thinking "She's gone over the edge now" ... but in the breastfeeding community, of which I was a part of for a long time, this woudlnt be that out of the realm of sanity  ;)

 

When we got home last nite, since he cannot walk, Monica (our cousin) helped me sling him in a sheet to transport him inside. We took some photos once settled ... Im always so afriad the pictures will be our last, so I just keep taking them. Ive been too upset & busy to post the ones of this horrible part of his journey, but I will soon. I think its good for people to see where he was, when he was so bad, to where he is now ... albeit pretty immoble (although he did spin himself around a couple times on the sheets he's lying on, so he's moving a bit), he looks better now. There is a lite in his eyes that MOST certainly wasnt there on Sunday nite. Alls that was there Sunday nite were huge pupils & a blank terrified stare  :(   Dr. W told me that he thinks had he seen him in that condition Sun nite, he woudlnt have thought he'd still be here. So ... thats something. & i will take ANYTHING right now, thats positive & hopeful.

 

Thank you all, especially Lisa Lopes, for walking me through this. She is a wonderful woman, Kibo's new Auntie. She lost her boy Kobi, to Lymphoma, not very long ago, & yet she is here with me every step of the way, & most importantly, here for Kibo. As all of your thoughts have been. & we thank you.  From the bottom of our human, & our canine, hearts.

 

  

 

 

Sunday at the dog park. Playing tug-a-war

Perfectly FINE!

Sunday, playing with tennis ball


Sunday nite, wanting to stay only outside

& getting weak

Refusing to eat or drink


3am, wanting to stay outside


In Majis crate. Not feeling well :(


After 1st trip to the vet, just wanted to lie outside


Could barely walk but got himself there


Back yard, resting Monday mid day


Monday 6pm. To the vet for fluids


Sick boy


Getting sub-Q fluids for hydration


Getting meds from his freinds


Back home to rest


Very very sick. A couple hours prior to his being rushed to the emergency vet.


Time to rest


Cousin Bill bringin him in after the 2nd vet appt on Mon


Monday morning after being picked up from emergency vet


Cousin Monica giving Kibo love


Home with us Monday nite


Mommy Love


IMG_8430.JPG
IMG_8430.JPG 2009-01-03

Sana is worried & confused


All of us with cousin Kate








Maji & Kibo





So handsome & peaceful

He is at the vets & Dr. W just called to say "What an INCREDIBLE
REMARKABLE improvement from even just yesterday! I can officially say
we are out of the wood & he is walking by me right now to go outside
with one of the techs" !!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

OMG I am so so so SO very relieved & grateful.

Tonite when I work, Jackie, one of the vet techs is staying overnite
nite with him becuase he still may need a lot of attention overnite
because of incontinence, etc - & I wouldnt want to subject my regular
babysitter to try to deal that. So Jackie will help out tonite so I
can . 

I AM SO THRILLED!!!!!!!!!!  & excited to see my Boy later on!!!

but i am SO happy to be home!!!  I got a special "limo" ride home in Jackie, the vet techs car tonite because my mom had to get some sleep before she went to work tonite. She works overnite 7p-7a & she sure hasnt gotten much sleep the past 4 nites .... because of SOMEONE ... i think, me. Sorry Mom!

 

When I got home, I decided to show off for my mom. I got helped out of the car but then coudlnt wait to show her I could get around JUST FINE on my own. Not ONLY did I walk in myself (Im a bit sore so I am limping a bit), but I did the little "happy hop" she loves, because I was SO excited. & guess who ELSE was so excited? My brother SANA! He was SO worried about me the past couple nites I was home. He would come & sniff me & back away. But he was hopping all over, trying to get close to me, & Maji my littlest brother settled right down against me, as he always does, as soon as I got comfy. I sure do have a lot of love here in my house!  My sister Averey was here to welcome me to, & we are all so happy to be together again, with me feeling so well again. 

 

My mom laughed because I gave her "the look". My eyes wide & begging, big brown pools of HUNGER, & my ears perked up .... just waiting for her to give me a cookie!  Jackie told her I was SO hungry. Shoot! Wouldnt humans be hungry too if they didnt eat for FOUR days!?

 

So, Im home, Im happy, & mom says that I should be sure to send doggie licks to everyone who has been supporting me emotionally & financially, & saying prayers for me. ESPECIALLY my wonderful freinds at Newport Animal Hospital. If i had to be sick anywhere else but home, that's where I'd want to be.

 

*Woof Woof* !!!

On Wed eve, I wrote a thank you journal entry ... & somehow its no longer here. I will try my best to re-create it - some of this may be repetetive as I may be remembing it from another entry. It came from a very emotional moment, when I received notice that the staff of Tim Hortons had just donated $500 to Kibo, to conitue help with his treatments. This was, of course, after such a terryifing week, where we fully expected he wouldnt make it. I was so emotionally & physically exhausted, & to think of hardworking restaurant staff, in this economy, along with all the other donations sent in ...  I was overwhelmed with joy & thankfullness.

 

SO many people ... new freinds & old freinds, strangers, family, former Salve Professors of mine, business owners,  friends parents, & the reporter Tom, from Newport This Week week who sought me out to do this story & who did an unexpected follow up this week, who got the very important word out there that Kibo needed help to survive - & help we did recieve!!! ... so many, have made a donation to Kibo's fund.  I am awed. I am touched. I always believed in miricales. His survival through this was a miricale, & the outpouring of love & support, finanically & emotionally, from everyone, shows me that miricales DO exist.  

 

I am so very, very, grateful to each & every person who has contributed - as well as those who have sent prayers & kept us all in your thoughts. From $5-$1600 donations ... each one means the world to us. This journey was expected to have a certain expense. But the emergency week, obviously wasn't budgeted for. Its been so emotionally & physically draining, I cannot fathom if I had to add in the financial aspect of that stress. If I had to think this week "How am I going to pay for them to save my Boy?"  You have lightened the load on my shoulders to enable me to focus on the best thing for Kibo, regardless of the cost. I dont know where we are going from here with Kibo's treatment plan. We need to just continue to love him & let him gain back his strength ... but should we decide he is strong enough to continue on the chemo, finances wont have to play a part in that decision. For that, I am so very very grateful.

 

I can assure you that Kibo is so well worth your effort. Everyone loves their dogs. But there is just something special about Kibo - something people notice. He has turned many a not-so-lover-of-dogs into a DOG LOVER (Auntie Sandra!). He has never had a mean or cranky bone is  his body, not even as ill as he has been this week.  He loves babies. Something about them, he just cannot NOT give them just one big old lick across their sweet faces. I often warn a stranger who stops to say hello to us, if they have a baby in a stroller ... beware of the toungue! Kibo is content as long as he has his beach to dig at & bark at a shell repeatedly (over & over & over ... while people stop to laugh at him), or a crab shell to crunch, or a warm patio to stretch out on while I read nearby.  He loves his tennis balls, his soccer balls & his favorite game is to play keep away with our socks. In most homes its the dryer that "eats" socks ... in our home? You still HAVE your socks, they are just very stretched out & very WET!  ;)  Kibo loves nothing  more than to snuggle on a warm couch with someone he loves ... or ... someone he's just met. His not discerning! His all time favorite word is "cookie" & even in his deepest sleep, "chasing rabbits" with his feet going a mile a minute &  his eyes twitching & him doing funny little barks, you can WHISPER the word cookie, & he jumps right up. lol  You know, selective hearing. Lastly, I wish you could all see his "Happy ears". Along with the forever thumping tail , At one point this week he could move nothing on his own ... but that tail still wagged. (The NAH hospital staff's favorite thing ... every time they came to make the transfer of him, out of my car, sometimes limp & very very ill this week,  they would open the door & laugh at the blanket he was wrapped in, moving up & down where his tail was. & they say "There's our Big Man" ... & I well up with tears every time beacuse I can see how much they all love him), are his ears. When he's happy, particularly when we just come home & he has missed us, those soft velvety ears of his practically flip right over. As well as he is feeling now, right this moment, I have yet to see that. Im sure its coming though! & there is nothing sweeter than when he rides in the passenger seat next to me, he lifts his left paw up for me to hold. I melt everytime.

 

So, we are on a wonderfully peaceful road to recovery at the moment. I wish I could say it was recovery from the original illness of cancer, & although he does remain in remission at the moment from just those 1st 2 doses of chemo, right now the priority is to build up his strength & immunity so we can make decisions down the road, as to the best treatment plan for him. Its incredible to have him back home. He just took a walk to the mail box out front with me, & he has a bit of a hop in his step!  :)  Yey Bookoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Talk about a change in mood around here!  :)   Kibo is doing so so well. He was just playing tug of war with the other dogs & with me. He isnt running around frisky yet, but he is pretty much totally back to being completely mobile, he got himself up on the couch while I was out today, & he was giving me the "frisky, come get my toy" look tonite. & we played a while.

 

Avereys bday is Sunday & I am so grateful there isnt anything overshadowing it! (gee, I wonder how many photos will be taken of her & Kibo on THAT day!?)

 

Speaking of photos, I will add here the ones since Kibo came home this week. The 1st few he's home, but still a bit down & out. Then the ones when he came walking on his own, when Jackie brought him home. You can see the welcoming committe when he walked himself in the door - & of course, me, the papparazi. & then the ones from tonite. Looking happy, & healthy & frisky! :)  What a great site to see!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

He is eating so well ... anything he can get his paws on!  & he takes all his meds well. He's on so many supplements & meds for his belly, antibiotics, immune system .. & let me just tell you how much he loves the cow colostrum mixed with warm water. The 1st few days I did it like the instructions said, syringe feeding it down his throat. Then I realized yesterday, he wanted to lick the bowl it had been in! lol  & I thought "Of course! Its warm MILK!"  So ... he now laps it up so quicky while I hold BACK Maji & Sana!

Wed nite, home for the nite & cozy
IMG_8445.JPG 2009-01-03

Still tired, still not that well - Tues nite
IMG_8455.JPG 2009-01-04

Resting before another day at the vet


Avery so happy to have him home! (wed)
IMG_8456.JPG 2009-01-04

1st big walk outside! YEY KIBS!!!!!!!!! Wed nite.
IMG_8453.JPG 2009-01-04

Looking good! Home Wed nite, doing better
IMG_8458.JPG 2009-01-04

YEY! Our big brother is home & WALKING!!!!!!! Wed nite
Thurs nite

Maji trying to sit next to Kibo, but sitting ON him!

Note the leaopard print bone in the pic. Thats a gift from our new freind Lise. She lost her beautiful Kobi, to Lymphoma, a year ago. She brought Kibo Kobi's favorite toy.

I'll just sit right here so you dont go away again Kibo
IMG_8463.JPG 2009-01-05

One VERY happy, grateful Mamma!!! Thurs PM
IMG_8474.JPG 2009-01-05

Kibo's happy too .. dont let him fool you ;)
IMG_8470.JPG 2009-01-05

Kisses!
IMG_8471.JPG 2009-01-05

1st big drink of water in 4 DAYS!

with Maji looking on

Playing with our freind Aubrey Fri afternoon


IMG_8480.JPG
IMG_8480.JPG 2009-01-06

Tug of War Fri nite
IMG_8488.JPG 2009-01-06

This SMILE says it ALL! (Friday 9pm)
IMG_8492.JPG 2009-01-06

Or maybe this one ...
IMG_8493.JPG 2009-01-06

Gimme that toy Mom!
IMG_8496.JPG 2009-01-06

I feel GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!
IMG_8501.JPG 2009-01-06

Fri pm
IMG_8499.JPG 2009-01-06

Nope, you cant get my toys! (Fri pm)
IMG_8502.JPG 2009-01-06

WOW. Some of you have asked, those who have e'd me, with cancer dogs of your own, what his treatment plan is. Im listing in here for any of you who need it for reference:

 

**ANY*** dog with cancer should be on a low grain or NO grain/Carbohydrate free diet. Cancer cells feed off of carbs.

 

His chemo consisted of the 1st dose, L-Aspiriginase & Doxorubicin.  Then the plan was just Doxo, 4  more times, every 3 weeks following. We only made it thru that 2nd dose b4 last weeks issues. I dont know what our plan will be, if anything, from here. He just needs time to heal right now.

 

He also was on Prednisone 40mg QD. We decreased that after the 11th day, to 30mg QD.

 

He was in remission & still is. For how long though, now without any chemo or Prednisone, I dont know.  :(

 

The rest is a combo of Holistic meds & regular vet prescribed. The Holisitc meds are ***

 

***Colostrum (which he LOVES to lap up with warm water), BID (twice a
day)

***Probiotic (2 tabs, BID)

*** IP6 (2 tabs, BID) - boosts immune function - explanation here:
http://www.mdanderson.org/departments/nutrition/index.cfm

***Fish Oil (1 tab, each day)

***Eleuthro (2 tabs, BID)- Immune booster & "Eleuthero may also
support the body by helping the liver detoxify harmful toxins"
http://www.evitamins.com/healthnotes.asp?ContentID=2084007

***Power Mushrooms (3 tabs, BID)

***Glutamine (1500mg BID)

***Argenine (1000mg BID)

***Milk Thistle (180mg/175mg/80mg Sylimarin) 1 tab day

***Hoxy-Like solution (BID)- "To help dissolve tumors in the body.
The Hoxy formula can be used to help dissolve tumors in the body. It
also helps with abscesses, blood purification, cystitis,
growths/enlargements, hepatitis, lymphatics and skin eruptions"

http://www.herbalremedies.com/hoxfortin2oz.html

Transfer Factor (1 tab, once a day)

K-9 Immunity (7 tabs a day)

& after his last episode: Flagyl (BID) & Cephalaxin (TID)
(antibiotics)

We have blood work due on Monday. He has never dropped his WBC since
the chemo started, nor during this bad episode. But we will see what
it says this coming week.

My vet pulled him off Cell Advance, which the H vet had
given us, due the worry that too MUCH immunity can protect not only his good cells, but the cancer cells, & not allow the chemo to get to them. This is a ? in the Holistic community, they dont usually beleieve this is possble ... so its an individual decision.

Phew! I was wondering when she'd EVER let me go back! She usually takes my & my brothers almost every day, even in the rain & the snow ... we love to dig in the sand. I like to chase tennis balls & Sana like to chase sticks. Isnt that funny? I wont touch a stick, & he doesnt have a clue what to do with a ball! & Maji? He just follows Sana around & does what HE does!  (Guess what? I'' tell you a family secret Mom's been keeping .... Neither Sana NOR Maji deserve to be called a "Retriever" like me. Because neither of them understand your supposed to bring the stick BACK! Duuuh! I *always* bring my tennis balls back to Mom!)

 

So, today we got a visit from GRAMPA! & Auntie Patty, Uncle Chris & Tripp came too, for Avereys 9th birthday. I was really happy to see them ... but I bet THEY were even happier to see ME! Their Boy Mallie died a little over a year ago. He was a 14 yr old Dalmation. He loved me .. but he didnt like Sana. Mallie always took his toys & hid them when he saw Sana coming, hahaha. So Auntie Patty especially, loves to give me LOVE  :)  I also love to hear Tripp say "Kiboooooo!" He's SO cute (& he also is the perfect height for me to steal snacks from!!!) Speaking of snacks, my appetite is sure BACK.

 

ANYway, i got a little time on the beach today with my tennis ball! & I didn't do too much chasing it, but i definatly hopped around with it a bit & really had a fun time. I walked farther than Mom wanted me to, but i didnt WANT to stay in one spot! What fun is THAT????  I met a bunch of new friends, a couple of which had read about me in the newspaper!  They even did a follow up story this week, my mom was so surpised! It was titled "Kibo has a freind!" & it was about the donations to my vet fund.  I didnt want to leave when it was time. Mom, as usual, had to remind me there were cookies in the car. So ...  I mosey'd on up the beach & up the stairs (Sana & Maji are big show-offs. They are VERY good listeners & come right away when called, so they were already in the car. I know I'm still the favorite though!)  ;)  & I even got up the 4 stairs with no problem!  Mom didnt think I could do it, but Im a strong boy!  Mom lifted me into the car like she always does. She's done that for a while now because about a year ago I started sometimes missing the jump. Ooops. But I get in no problem & I love riding nice & cozy in the car because it almost always means the dog park, the beach or better yet ... the BANK OR GAS STATION. Now THATS where the COOKIES are!  In fact, the bank ladies LOVE when Mom comes thru the drive thru. They all gather at the window to watch all 3 of us handsome boys drool & stare at the tube machine, just waiting for it to deliver our cookies.  & even better is when they talk to Sana through the speaker. They say "Hi Sana, are you looking for a cookie?" & he tilts his head SO far to the side, listening & drooling & staring at the speaker ... everyone cracks up. He's always good for a laugh - he's a big goof! 

I'd say he's about 80% activity & energy-wise ... & 110% appetite-wise!

We had bloodwork done this week & after the incident last week, all his organ functions look fine, with no damage. Thank God.

We may be a bit MIA for the next 4 days or so as I am working a ton of hours. Lots of vet bills to pay!  ;)  But I will post if anything significant happens. In the meantime, please keep my Boy in your thoughts! 

As I’ve said before, Im terrified to try chemo again, after what happened to him last time, with the Doxo. But Im also terrified to do nothing because then this remission wont last long (maybe a few weeks? Maybe a couple months if we are lucky …) because he only got 2 of the 5 doses for his protocol. & without further chemo, once he is out of remission, we are back to that dreaded “6-12 week life span”. I don’t know which is scarier. If he succumbs to cancer, I know it was the cancer. But if he ever had gone thru the hell last week, & didn’t pull through & died in a crisis like that, I don’t think I could ever fogive myself.

 

I went into this chemo treatment saying “if he reacts badly to it, I wont push it & I will stop”. & now we are at that point, because of last weeks issues. & I don’t want to give up. When I said that, I had very little knowledge of this disease or the treatments, or the incredibly long “healthy” remissions MANY dogs get from a full course of chemo. But again, what if I make the wrong decision for my Boy?  It literally gives me heart palpitations, thinking about it!   The plan, as I said, is to give it a few weeks, pray he stays in remission while he gains strength, & then while the vet consults with oncologists, we will make an informed decision about what route to take.  If we take the chemo route again, he will NOT get the same chemo. There are many others to choose from that have less side effects. But there is still always a chance of issues. The septicemia he ended up with, because of the intestinal damage, only has about a 5% risk. & yet, it happened.   :(

 

Today as we drove along in the car (I take him on more “special” car rides these days, alone with us, & let Maji & Sana stay home once & a while) , he did his typical trick of raising his left front paw up, so I could hold his paw. I about melted. He is SO not ready to leave us yet!!!

 

Dr. Wirth called today, about his bloodwork from this week. The great news is that there was no residual organ damage from the crisis last week. YEY! & even better, he said that his nuecleated red blood cells are increasing, so that means there is no bone marrow suppression (which can be a very serious chemo side effect) & his bone marrow is rejenerating on its own. That’s a GREAT thing! 

 

His WBC (infection fighting cells) have run 7700 – 8800 thru chemo, but they ARE a bit high, at 17,000, this week. This is just evidence of his body still circulating the white blood cells to fight off the infection from last week. I remember when I asked the emergency vet in the middle of the  nite, when he was in shock, if he thought he would make it, & he said much of this would depend on if he showed a really high WBC count, or a really low WBC count - & the best thing would be a normal or only slightly elevated count … & that’s where it is. So, his body fought off a devastating infection & still is doing a bit of work – which will account for his getting tired easily. But he is chipper, starving! & playful!   Dr. Wirth told me that he would barely have expected a healthy FIVE yr old dog to make it through last weeks crisis – he said “He really is a very tough guy”. & he sounded so proud when he said it. Almost as proud as I was to hear it!

 

His Lymphocytes were 2700 at diagnosis of Lymphoma. After the 1^st chemo, they were 539. Then during the crisis, they were 440. Yesterday, they were back to the better range of 1300. Again, good news & proof that his system is doing what it needs to  J

 

 I asked Dr. W today about the idea of waiting until Kibo shows signs of coming out of remission, before we start (if we start) more chemo.  The idea being that some remissions are 2 weeks, some a couple months, & some even longer. I figured if we could keep him off any chemo to wait & see, it would be better for him.  The less chance of side effects of chemo.

 

The problem with that is that USUALLY when a dog comes out of remission, when the cancer comes back, its stronger, & the 2^nd remission is shorter than the 1^st remission & harder to attain.  So we would ultimately be lowering the chances of the chemo gaining a 2^nd good remission by just waiting. …. On the other hand, he also said that we could wait a bit, like a couple of months- because if his lymph nodes show up soon .. like in a couple months, they would think he wasnt really in remission. They were just suppressed. So starting chemo THEN would mostly be like continuing the same chemo course, after this break, & then it would be less likely to be a harder, shorter remission next time. As opposed to waiting say, 6 or 7 months ... if he THEN, at that late date, showed lymph nodes swelling, it would pretty much tell us he WAS in remission, & now is out.  Does that make sense? if you do the chemo early enough, b4 remission ends, doing the rest of his treatement (3 more doses, 1 every 3 weeks) will be more likely to keep this remission going, & keep it going longer.

 

BUT again ... there are so many risks associated with BOTH decisions. I wish I had a crystal ball .......

 

Im almost NEVER a bad dog. (well, except for my begging, getting under her feet in the kitchen & stealing anything I can get my lips on. Mom calls me "Gator Boy" b/c I can grab something & swallow it SO fast, no one even realizes it till its WAY TOO LATE! hahaha)

 

Today Mom came home from work at 8am (she is VERY tired this week! I think I heard her say she is working 60 hours in 6 days, all overnite shifts ... no wonder she is napping all day this week!) - anyway, she was so excited to see ME so excited. Sometimes when Im really happy I lie on my back & wiggle all over the floor, & make these funny happy groaning noises.  She tried to video tape me but I was too fast for her. I grabbed Avereys stuffed bulldog (she sure has a lot of stuffed toys!) & Maji & I started playing tug of war with it, even though Averey was yelling "NO! DROP IT!" Well ... *I* didnt drop it! Instead, I shook my end so hard that Maji had a little ride back & forth. Mommy was cheering for me beacuse Im so strong!  .... You cant keep an old guy down for long!  Im so happy I feel better!

 

Mom says she has some new photos of me & she will post them tonite when she gets some sleep!  I'd better get off the computer because Sana will take my spot on the couch if I dont hurry!  :)

 

& by popular demand, here is a link to the article the nice man at Newport This Week wrote about me, which helped raise so much money for me that Mommy can get me all the vet care I need, without stressing about how much it will cost. YEY TOM!  http://www.eastbayri.com/detail/125640.html

Lindsey helping me get better a couple weeks ago.
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1st time i ate in 4 days!
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See how happy I am? This was 2/13 at the dog park.


Im begging mom "THROW MY FRISBEE ALREADY!"


I love frisbees!!!


This isnt me, but its my goofy brothers. Maji hogs the window!


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The beach with my brothers week of Feb 9th

Im all the way to the left

I love laying in holes at the beach :)
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Gaurding my tennis ball!


Relaxing with Kobi's toy & a shoe ;)


Avereys 9th bday, Feb 8. Sure glad I was here for it!!!!!


Sleeping with my Mom after work


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Oh yeah, my appetite sure is back!


Mom loves when I scrunch all my legs together like this :)


Tired out after a visit to the beach

Its been a busy week here. I kind of miss my mom because she is working a TON this week, overnites - but our favorite babysitters Lauren & Alison take really good care of me ... oh yeah, & Averey too  :)   But no matter how busy Mom is, she still takes us to the beach or the dog park almost every day. The other day she took us to the beach after her 4th nite of work, & I peeked over & saw she kind of fell ASLEEP on the steps of the beach! Crazy Mommy. Thats when she realized it was time to go home to bed!

 

Im really feeling SO great. I love to eat & play again - & I cant get enough love from my family & friends. Im even kind of famous now - people recognize me!!!  They all know what a special boy I am! Everyone comments on what a great disposition I have. I think that means Im a nice doggie!  :)

 

Mom is so happy that (every day she checks) my lymph nodes are still not able to be felt, so that means Im still in something called "Remission"? I dont know what it means, but I know it makes Mom REALLY happy. I think she is scared everytime she checks, afraid she will feel something - but for now, she's trying to just enjoy our healthy time together. I heard her talking on the phone the other day to Dr. Wirth & I think that she is getting more brave about trying another dose of chemo, when I'm ready. I know she is SO scared to do it - but the doctors are going to recommend a different drug, b/c that other one, Doxo, was BAD BAD BAD to my insides! Mommy feels so guilty I went through so much because of it, but Im trying to show her Im happy & strong & really want to continue to FIGHT!!! Mommy told her friend the other day that she is a big beleiver in signs & fate. She said "If he wasnt expected to make it thru the crisis last time, & he did - & he is so happy & healthy now - he wants to live life. Also, with the donations, there is no question about being able to afford further treatment, so I think its what we should do. Otherwise ..." --- well, Im not going to repeat what she said after otherwise, b/c its not a good option.

 

My freind Lisa is coming to visit me & my brothers today while Mom & Averey are at a swim meet. Maybe she will bring me a cookie!!!!!!!  Also, mom is sad she never got me over to Tim Hortons this week, to see my legions of fans there  ;)  But she promises next week we will go TWICE!  :)

because although I am doing really well - my lymph nodes still cant be felt, so that means my cancer is still in remission! :), & I have a big appetite & want to play - Mom says I am limping more than my usual & am a little unstead/weak at times. Its probably due to being down & out that week, plus, i missed my montly accupuncture appointment which helps me with my arthritis & elbow dysplasia. So she says Dr. Liz will do the chiroprator & accupuncture on me & it should make me feel even better!

 

We had a nice weekend. I got to go to the dog park THREE times! I have so many freinds there & its fun to watch Maji wrestle with the younger dogs, & then Sana play big brother & get in between Maji & any dog who is picking on him. Everyone laughs. Including me!  :)

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Kibo (lt) Sana (rt)
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Sana
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Kibo
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Sana
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Kibo
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Sana in the car seat!
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Kibo
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Sana
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Kibo
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Kibo
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Sana
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Sana
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Sana
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Kibo my co-=pilot
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Kibo
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Kibo
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Kibo
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Sana & Kibo
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Sana
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Hangin' w/ the pups
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Sleeping w/ a cookie in her hand


Rebecca & Kibo July 06


Sana in car


Sana back, Kibo front


Sana


Kibo top, Sana bottom


Sana left, Kibo right


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Zuri as a kitten, escaping
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Kibo & Averey
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Please can i have some ...
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Sana
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1 bite please ...
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Sana left - Kibo right
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Sana, Averey, Kibo
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Sana after surgery, with body bandage
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I'm so torn. But I have to go with my gut instinct on what's best for Kibo. I am his advocate, just like I am for my human patients, as an RN.

 

I trust Dr. W & NAH implicitely (spelling?), but I had to look at it from this point ... after my phone converstation with him today "If this were my daughter, would I get a specialist's opinion" & there is no question I would.

 

Dr. W is experienced with chemo & canine cancer. But he isn't a specialist. He never proclaimed to be & he does consult with Oncologists about specific cases. & he did, about what happend to Kibo the last Doxo dosage. I fully expected the plan to be a different drug, which would be less likley to cause the same issues that almost killed him after that last dose, but thats not what they came up with. Their recommendation is the SAME drug, Doxo, with a 25% reduction in dosage. He said that the Onco's said that this sepsis he dealt with, with shock following, was NOT a specific drug reaction to this specific drug. That it wasnt the Doxo, & that it could have happened with ANY of the chemo drugs.

I do know that when dogs have bad side effects, the typical standard plan IS to continue the same drug with a reduction in dosage, but this reaction leading to sepsis was MUCH more than side effects. This was life threatening. Dr. W did say he has seen the side effects on dogs he has treated with Doxo, & they've reduced the doasge the next time & they have done fine ... BUT ... he said he had never HAD this bad a reaction with a dog on Doxo ... so I am just plain old too scared to continue without having a really experience person with this drug, illness & side effects, see Kibo.

 

He said there are really 4 options:

1. Doxo at 25% reduction & more frequent CBC's b4 & after dosage

2. Totally different protocol & start from scratch with either the Madison-Wisconson protocol or  Vincristine/Pred/Cytoxin.

3. Do nothing now. If his lymph nodes become (or when)   symptomatic that he is out of remission, do a dose of L-Spar & hope it keeps him in a longer remission. It would sort of be a last resport & likely a very short fix.

4. Do nothing at all, except maybe Prednisone to keep him comfortable as his lymph nodes swell. & pray that those 2 chemo doses (a 3rd of what he should have gotten) keeps him in remission for at least 6 months. But there are no gaurantees of course. 
 

We have a great specialty vet here in RI, but there is also Tufts in Boston. Its an hour or so from me & well worth the drive to go to the best of the best. Ive said it before, that Im a big believer in signs ... fate ... whatever ... & I was feeling SO guilty about going outside my vets advice & getting another opinion, until I called & they were super nice. & had an opening next Tues. I was shocked to find out that a consult with them is only $158. I had expected it to be much more. I also found out we will see Dr. Cooper - not ONLY is she an oncology specialist, but she specializes in Immune diseases (like Lymphoma) AND ... GastroIntestinal diseases!  THAT is what the chemo attacked, his GI system. So I feel like i was led to the exact person we should be seeing.

 

Newport Animal Hopsital & Dr. Wirth will still do all his treatments, but this specialist will make a recommendation. Who knows? It may very well be the SAME recommendation Dr. W made AND the Oncologist he spoke to made.  But the $158 is well worth my peace of mind in knowing I looked at every option. I had a lot of guilt after the episode he had.  This way no matter what happens, I know I tried every & the best options available to us.

 

& again, for any of you our there who have donated towards his funding, I cannot than you enough, again! lol  To be able TO do this for him, is a miricale. & without the help, there would have been no way I could afford to get him the best care, as he has been getting.

 

10:50pm

My vet returned my call tonite & was all for a consult. The only thing is, the specialist at Tufts, which i didnt realize when I made the appt, is NOT an Oncologist. She is a very qualified Internist who specializes in Oncology ... but he said if we are going to go the consult route, then he has a recommendation of where to go where there is a group of Oncologists, trained at Tufts & at Angel Memorial - the Mecca of pet care. SO ... he is contacting them tomorrow for me. Its in Waltham MA. He will coctact them for me tomorrow. Im feeling very hopeful!  :)

& releived.!

she is the one who sent me a really generous donation at the beginning of this, & we didnt even know her!  Mom told me that she lost her Yellow Lab, who had Lymphoma too, a couple of years ago. She told my mom lots of stuff that will help her take even better care of me than she already is, & she said she LOVED the doctors at NEVOG (the Oncology group who is looking over my records to make a reccomendation) & she thinks we are looking in the right direction by seeing them.

 

Mom was telling her how excited she was on Friday. My arthrits had been really bothering me since I was down & out & unable to walk for all those days a few weeks back when I was so sick. So we went to see my Holistic vet who did accupuncture & chiroprator on me (I had like 30 needles in me! YIKES! ... but really, it doesnt hurt. AND I get a lot of cookies when I sit still, so I like it there!). That is where she also had her look at Sana's mouth because he DROOLS a lot. He's weird. Of course, she found NOTHING there. I said he just sometimes dreams of cupcakes, so he drools a lot!  & then Mom weighed Maji. I heard her saying that 5 weeks ago Maji was 42# & on Friday, he was 65# !!! HOW can he be that BIG?? Just a few short months ago he was a little roly poly thing, chewing on my ears & tail! Anyway, on the way home Mom took us all to the dog park to see all our freinds. I was feeling SO frisky & I showed Mom! I was hopping around, trying to get dogs to play with me, & I even did what puppies do! I kept my bum in the air while I leaned way down with my front paws to the ground, & jumped at another dog, yelping like a puppy!!!  For some reason Mom was all teary-eyed! .... Geez! Women!

Dr. W spoke with NEVOG. That oncologist felt that although it was likely that the big issue with sepsis Kibo has WAS actual sepsis, he is a BIT sceptical of that because Kibo's WBC never plumetted as much as you would expect it to, for his being SO so ill - if it were due to sepsis. & he also said, Kibo went down SO fast, that it adds to his ? of real sepsis. Therefore, although there is no way to really know it, he wonders if there is a slight possibility that it was more of an allergic reaction to the Doxo (Adriamycin) chemo agent, even though he had had it once b4 will much less complication than that time & even though he was pre-treated with allergy meds.

 

He did make a side comment that often times, the length of a chemo treatment is TWO treatments past when they have gained a good remission. &  "good remission" being defind as "clinically normal, eating, drinking, energy AND no palpable lymph nodes anywhere on the body".  So, since we gained a full remission after that 1st Doxo, & then we had a 2nd dose .... technically following their advice, we would only have ONE more dose of Doxo to give - as opposed to the 3 schdeuled with the protocol. Of course, that doesnt change my fear of EVER giving Doxo again. Even just once. Im pretty sure Kibo couldn't live through another situation like we had.  Shoot! *I* may never live thru something like that again!

 

He gave us 3 options:

 

1. Do the Doxo again, at a dose reduction of 25%, with Prednisone as well. which is the standard thing to do after any bad reaction. We would watch him like a HAWK, with more frequent blood work - if we chose this route. Im not thrilled about this route.  We of course know the cons of this,  but the pros are that he DID acheive a great remission with it. But .... it also almost killed him.

 

2. A lower risk of complications (I love that option!!!) ... although again, now its not an "enemy we know", like we at least know of the Doxo ... is to start with a totally new drug. It would be the CCNU protocol, with is a drug called Lomustine. It is NOT given IV. Its given PO (by pill) every 3 weeks. & because of the earlier rule I mentioned about the 2 doses after remission, he would likley only get those 2 doses since he is already in a good strong remission right now. But if he does really well with it, with few side effects, then we would likely continue the total dose of 5 times, every 3 weeks, to cover him. But we would cross that bridge when & if we come to it. & he would NOT have Prednisone as well with this protocol. Which is a good thing. 

----- IF (or when) he came out of remission with this protocol, then he would get a shot of

L-Aspiriginase (sort of the "back pocket drug" to acheive a quick rescue remission) & he HAS gotten a shot of that b4, so Im not too worried about it b/c it was during his 1st chemo round (they only gave it that 1st time) & he obviously did ok with that drug, to see if that re-achieves remission.

 

* THEN ... if this CCNU didnt work or he came out of remission quickly - if we needed it desperately, we could go back to the Doxo again since we know it works. Again, once a dog is out of remission, the life expectancy can be 6-12 weeks usually. Thats too scary  :(

Now this going back to the Doxo would depend on many things, mostly how fast he lost remission.  He is an 11.5 yr old pup. Of course I want him around FOREVER, but its not realistic. & I vowed I wouldnt push him so much that he suffers. His QUALITY OF LIFE is my number one concern. If he held remission for 8+ months .... a year, etc ... then Im not sure I would push for the stronger chemo. Maybe if he were a younger dog, sure, but he is close to his normal life span at this stage. But, if he lost remission quickly, in the next few months, than I'd be more likley to go back & try the Doxo once. At a reduced rate.  The pros to this CCNU are its a less risky drug (YEY)!, but the cons are that its not really as well known to achieve & hold great long remissions. BUT, he has held this remission with no follow up chemo as he should have had (ok, only a week extra, but still - he feels & looks GREAT).

 

3. The last choice was the WISCONSIN Protocol. A totally new protocol with a good remission success rate, but  1. it includes Doxo anyway .... & 2. its a multiple agent chemo cocktail.  Its well known that once you come out of remission, often times the drugs that were already used, the cancer cells becomes resistant to. So ... if you need to do a rescue protocol, it cuts down on the chances of being able to use & tolerate other drugs. We could do that protocol WITHOUT the Doxo, & that would be called the CHOPP protocol, but if that were the case, why not go back to the single agent treatment of Doxo since it DID work for him already? & not throw all the other drugs at him uneccessarily?  These protocols DO have slightly better numbers in terms of remission & length of remission ... but Im completely against doing this option.

 

SO - we will get some bloodwork tomorrow & I will research like crazy, & get opinions of all the wonderful people out there who have been in my shoes, & let him know what our decision is. Im very much leaning towards option #2. But we shall see what all my "powers that be" say.

 

One side note - my Holistic Vet & my regular vet disagree a bit on AntiOxidents. The H vet believes in loading them up to the hilt with the AntiOxidents, to protect the HEALTHY body cells as much as possible, from the chemo (as antioxidents strengthen cells to help them fight the cancer & the low blood counts that can be a result of chemo). The worry of some regular (non-Holistic) vets is that you are also strengthening the cancer cells with antioxidents, almost like putting a protective layer around the cancer cells, so the chemo cant get INto the cancer cells as well. That DOES make sense.

No one has the answer. Ive heard of going all out with the AO's, doing none, or meeting 1/2 way, but stopping the AO's 3 days b4 & 3 days after chemo.  Since my vet asked the NEVOG Onco & he said there is really no hard fast rule about it ... his only concern with a slew of nutritional stuff (have you SEEN Kibos list? lol Yikes! Its earlier in the web page) & supplements is that none of this is really well tested (although H vets will beg to differ) & we sometimes can lose site of drug reactions, when one dog is on so many different things besides the chemo. He isnt against, nor for it.

BUT, Kibo has been so happy & healthy since seeing out H vet, starting 2+ yrs ago. His arthritis has been much improved, his coat, energy, weight ... she definalty knows what she is doing with all she has had him on & all she has done. So I really DO respect her opinion immensely.  Therefore, Im thinking of giving him all she suggests, but stopping the AO's for the 3 days b4 & 3 days after chemo. Sort of a "meet in the middle" theory.

 

Ok - Now I must go back to sleep as I am in the middle of 2 overnite shifts & technically its 3AM to me at the moment!!!

 

 

 

 

I've had a recommendation for a different drug - works like Doxo but is a subsitute for it if the dog cannot tolerate Doxo. Its called MITOXANTRONE. I have asked my vet to check into it - but Im assuming if the Onco didnt recommend it, there is a reason.

 

At 1st I was leaning towards the CCNU. but the more I read from people, & research, the success rate isnt great (for a 1st line defense) & we may be much better off saving that as a rescue down the line. Plus someone warned me of the major risk of decrease of WBC with it ... not sure if its MORE of a risk in that way than other chemos, but again, something to keep in mind. & of course we would keep a VERY close eye on his blood counts even more so this time.

 

Im terrified of the Doxo, & some very knowledgable cancer dog owners have warned me not to try it again. It worked SO well in getting him a fast remission ... but Im terrified of it. But maybe at the reduced dose with ULTRA careful monitoring, it could be an option. I would be thrilled if the doc came back with an answer like "YES! The Mitroxantrone is the best option!" (one can dream, cant they???)

 

Im worried about the Mad/Wis b/c its a lot of drugs & a long term chemo. I went into this saying he is an 11.5 yr old dog who I DONT want to put thru weelkly dosing & vet trips. In hindsite, I kind of wish I HAD started with it since it has such a good response rate. $$$ were also a factor in my original decision not to go that route - but again, at that point i didnt know Id have so many donations to help pay for his chemo.   The Mad/Wis Protocol WITHOUT Doxo is CHOP, but again, not nearly as successful as WITH the Doxo ... again ... that darn Doxo WORKS!

 

I wish wish WISH we had reduced that dosage last time & maybe we wouldnt be where we are. But hindsite is 20/20. I made the best decision I could at the time with teh knowledge & tools I had.

 

But Im so terrified THIS decision will be a wrong one as well.

 

In the meantime, we just had a great walk on the beach this morning when I got out of work. All 3 dogs of course. & Kibo remains happy, frisky & is loving life.  Thats what matters. 

 

& thank you Cathy, for all the meds you donated from Casey's stash. He is Kibo's angel. xo

~Rebecca

	I had a conversation with our vet today, after our NEVOG Oncology consult & after MUCH (as you all know, lol) angst & dialougue & investigation as to what drug we were going to move forward with ... either CCNU, Doxo at a reduction in dose, or Mad/Wisconsin.   Mad/Wisc was ruled out b/c it has Doxo in it anyway & we know it works for him, so why add in many more visits (stress on Kibo & financial stress on me) & a slew of other meds that he may not even need, since the Doxo worked so far to put him into remission. Plus, I just felt it was too much for an 11.5 yr old dog to go thru.   So .... the decision came down to either CCNU or Doxo again (yikes!), but at a reduced dosage.  I heard so many opinions for & against both. I was leaning towards the Doxo for a number or reasons. B/c we "know our enemy", as opposed to never having had the other drug, its only 3 more treatments (less stress on Kibo), & mostly, b/c not only was it the one both Oncos & my vet leaned towards, but more than one person has told me the story of their dog having a horrific reaction to it, but doing absolutely fine with a dose reduction the next time.  CCNU was unknown to us, its not AS successful in remission, & mostly, we would lose the option to use it down the road as a rescue protocol, if he comes out of remission too soon. BUT, I was still waiting for some "sign" to tell me what to choose - or praying the docs gave me no options except one. The great news is Kibos bloodwork looks wonderful, it was drawn yesterday. His RBC's are up to 36, better than his PRE-chemo results!  :)   Everything else was good, & his WBC's were 9000.  The issue was his Kidney function tests. His creatine was 1.9, so it is a bit high.  Dr. Wirth said since CCNU is excreted by the kidneys, it needs to be ruled out to use at this point - b/c it could lead to kidney failure. He said also, we would want to save that as a Rescue chemo, for down the road, if needed (if his kidneys could tolerate it). So ... that leaves the Doxo at a reduced dose (30% reduction in dosage).  He said he is "very comfortable with that since both Oncos we consulted with felt the Doxo was a good option with the decrease in doseage".   I, of course, am a wreck about it - but I dont really have any other options at this stage. We will do his next (#3 of 5) doses on March 10th. He will have bloodwork the day b4 again. & then we will watch him extremely carefully following the treatment. We talked a lot about being extra proactive about it this time.  The good thing is now he is on Glutamine & all the K-9 Factor, k-9 Immunity, anti oxidents, & colostrum ... so he is as boosted up as he can be prior to this dose of Doxo. Also, Dr. W will be on all week & the weekend following, & I have his home & cell #, so we will be very on top of ANY little change in his condition.   I will keep you up to date. Say some prayers for my boy!!!! (who  played ball on the beach for 20' with me today & is happy as a clam)  :)   Thank you!

DAMN DAMN DAMN!  I just felt a lymph node this morning - which means he is no longer in total remission. I only felt one, of many in his body - its olive sized, in his back leg. I suppose its not all THAT unexpected because he only got 2 of the 5 doses of his chemo protocol b4 we had to stop due to the sepsis. I was praying so badly that he would hold onto remission until we could restart chemo on March 10th!

 

What does this mean? It could mean a lot of things.

 

1st remissions USUALLY are the longest & best. BUT, although we did gain remission, it makes sense that it woudlnt last the normal average remission of 6-8 months - to 18 months, on average. Some dogs have less remission time, some dogs more. USUALLY, the stats say, that 2nd & 3rd remissions, with "rescue protocols" (just another name for a new chemo plan) are shorter than 1sts. So, if we looked at it that way, Kibos remission now is VERY short, & thats bad. BUT, again, he only HAD 2 of the 5 doses of chemo he was supposed to, so you cant go by those rules. Thankfully. I think anyway.But it makes sense. Had he had a full chemo course & came out of remission 4 weeks later, THAT would be very bad news. This is just very concerning. Concerning because 2nd remissions sometimes arent as long as 1sts. But again, could this even BE considered a strong 1st? I dont think so b/c of not getting the full round.

 

As you can see Im full of questions. I talke to the vet & he is concerned of course, so we will see him on Monday. He siad we will likley have to move the Doxo scheduled for March 10th, up.  Makes sense. But Im a bit scared b/c usually when you come out of remission with one drug, you can use it again. BUT, given the case of Kibos not getting a full round of Doxo, maybe we CAN use it again?

 

Also, some dogs need to stay on maintenance chemo forever, to gain longer remissions. Maybe that is what can happen & help? 

 

Please pray this is the ONLY Lymph node we find, & that it doesnt get bigger. Its very common for a Lymphoma dog to be in total remission one day, & the next day, full blown active Lymphoma with all nodes affected & having trouble breathing b/c of the neck ones swelling.

So far, we dont see that at all - but I will be wathcing him like a hawk.

 

& I think I feel one on the other leg. No where else though in his body.

I pray we dont wake up to more or bigger nodes in the morning. Did I mention i HATE Lymphoma?????

 

Edited to add: 1:25pm

I have receieved so many, once again, emails & posts praying for Kibo & giving me advice. As much as I dont want to hear the bad ones, I need to know the possibilities. EG: This is one :

I am so sorry. I certainly remember being in your shoes. I can't really say what will happen but I can tell you my story. B***'s nodes started to enlarge again the week she was supposed to receive her last treatment of the 6 month Madison protocol....so they said that once the nodes enlarge again, yes that means they have lost remission. As soon as the nodes go down, they are considered in remission. B***  was in remission after her first treatment. Her nodes were down within 48 hours. So, at the 6 month point, loss of first remission, the onco said that means the drugs are not working anymore. She did give the last dose as planned to see if it would do anything. When we went back the following week it hadn't so it was times to try other options. We did Lomustine (CCNU) and kept her on the pred as well. Tried that for about 2 months. It didn't do anything....well, it didn't make the nodes bigger but didn't make them smaller. At that point we made the decision to stop and just keep her comfortable on the Pred as the CCNU was starting to throw off her liver counts. There were other options but they had very small remission times and extremely costly. We had to make the decision to stay with Prednisone only. That being said, she lived an excellent quality of life for close to 3 months on that alone. So, there is definately still hope, don't give up. I know how hard it is and I know that lump you have in your throat right now.

But on the other hand:  someone recently posted to me that their dogs 1st remission was very short, about 3 months, yet their next remission after a new drug, was 9 months.

 

Im so terrified that this remission is lost, that we cant do Doxo again, that we wont find a chemo drug that will work against the damn cancer AND be ok for his body ... & that he wont be with us for long ENOUGH. I cant NOT have him here soon. I cant stand the thought. I know its a reality, but we need more time.  :(  Please, please, PLEASE give us more time with him. Please.

Maji "cant i have a bite please Kibo?"


Getting closer ...


Snoozing Kibo


Frisky boy!


happy rolling on his back & itching


Mom! MORE pictures???


Ave & Kibo, Feb 09


Maji, 6 months ... 65# ! YIKES!


Averey hugging Kibo, Sana sneaking in


Slumber party. Kibo on couch, Sana with Ave.


Kibo snuggling with Aves baby doll *yes, the doll IS scary.


The Boys, left to right - Sana, Maji, Kibo


Kibo in his favorite spot


Kibo with his friend Kobi's toy


I love my new bone from Auntie Lisa! & i love SOCKS too!


Mom says Im REALLY cute


... & she loves how my soft lips hang ;)


IMG_8735.JPG
IMG_8735.JPG 2009-01-23

Still frisky...


Happy Happy pup-pup!


Kibo & Maji


Sana, Kibo, Maji ... Dont mind the CUP Maji destroyed ;)

Thank you all so much. People have been so generous, not just with funding, but with thier love, concern, prayers & support!  We have obviously gone through more of Kibo's funding than we expected at this point, due to his setback at the beginning of Feb. 

We are SO grateful for any contributions, no matter the size. Every cent helps!  Please, if you can think of anyone who may be a pet owner, or animal lover, could you forward this site to them? Not only for Kibo's benefit, but for other animals & owners. Many people have contacted me to tell me their stories about not even knowing there was an option to treat Lymphoma, never mind even knowing it existed, or what to look for in their own pets. Many dogs have been lost to this dreadful disease ... YOUNG dogs ... because thier owners had no idea that chemo was such an option. Or that there IS financial help out there for them. Thank you. SO much. http://chemoforkibo.chipin.com/cancer-treatment-for-kibo

 

7pm -   Dr. Wirth doesnt feel this is all that unexpected or as horrible a set back as I thought it was. He said that he looks great, & there IS only 1 node that is enlarged. He cannot feel any of the others over his body, so thats great!  :)   Sure, we'd MUCH prefer no obvious nodes, but he made me understand (which i did suspect) that with only 2 of the 5 required doses of chemo, & this break, its not that surprising that this happened.  Technically, he wasnt in full remission yet, so this isnt a "lost remission". Its more like a break in treatment & now we will resume it.

There IS the slight possibility we will find the Doxo DOESNT work long term for Kibo for remission, but we wouldnt know that until he continues. Some dogs are on the "big gun protocols" (like Doxo) & are doing great & for some reason, in the middle of treatment, suddenly come out of remission. He doesnt suspect this is Kibo's issue, but we will know once we are back on the Doxirubicin protocol as scheduled. So ... he starts this Wed. At a 30% dose reduction, as long as the blood work drawn today still gives us the go ahead.

 

Kibo will be pre-treated with Cerenia (for nausea) & Benedryl (in case of an allergic reaction) as he was the last 2 doses. This time though, I have him on more heavy duty Holistic supplements like Colostrum, K-9 Immunity, Transfer Factor, & Glutamine (ummm, in addition to the other 8 or so! lol)  ... all very protective of his system & especially his intestines, which is where the chemo attacked last time, leading to the sepsis. He will also be on Prednisone as part of the protocol, same as last time - at 30mg/day.

 

There had been a SMALL inkling by the Onco that the issue COULD have been an allergic reaction to the Doxo, instead of sepsis - but if a dog (or human) has an allergic reaction to a drug, its NOT 3 days later, its pretty immediate. So we are almost 100% sure it wasnt the issue. But just in case, he will get Benedryl daily at home for the days following chemo this time. We will watch him like a hawk with some extra CBC's thrown in, to watch for White blood cell/Immune suppression - but he said the key will be how he presents. I need to be vigilant about temps, & ANY minor change in his status, because he just tanked SO fast last time - & Dr. W said we will be extremely over cautious & pro-active in treating him if he shows any risk at all. So, Im pretty comfortbale with that.

 

Im praying that he gets thru this next dose fine, & the rest of the protocol, 2 more doses - & we are in a nice, long remission .... Isnt that everyone wishes?  Thank you for all your support everyone! Lets hope everything is BORING from here on out!  :)

 

I just posted photos of our day today - in the snow & at the vets. Kibo IS becoming a "spoiled cancer dog", I was warned. lol   How can you say "No" to him?  He's getting fresh & showing his selective hearing more often. Eg:  today out for a walk, he traipsed thru the snow into the neighbors back yard, 4 houses away!  He sure had enough energy for THAT ... b/c he knows she puts bread out for the birds! But suprise! It was all covered by snow! Usually I would yell at him for wandering ... but isntead, I kissed him  ;)   & at the vets, he kept looking from my eyes, to the cookie jar. AFTER he already had about 4 (ummm ... he may be the only cancer dog to GAIN 7# since diagnosis, Ooops) cookies already. & so you know what he did? He BARKED at me. NEVER never never has he done that. He always has manners! lol  Not now. He just barked that big deep RUUUUUFFFF! about every 30 seconds .... until I gave in. Im creating a monster. AND IT'S OK! lol 

Sana & Maji today
IMG_8751.JPG 2009-01-30

Sana LOVES the snow
IMG_8750.JPG 2009-01-30

Sana rubbing his face in the snow
IMG_8749.JPG 2009-01-30

Maji chasing Sana
IMG_8755.JPG 2009-01-30

Maji & Sana
IMG_8754.JPG 2009-01-30

Sana with a big stick, Maji chasing him
IMG_8756.JPG 2009-01-30

Tug of War, Sana & Maji
IMG_8758.JPG 2009-01-30

Tug of War
IMG_8757.JPG 2009-01-30

Kibo just watching the antics
IMG_8753.JPG 2009-01-30

Going to see Dr. Wirth today
IMG_8760.JPG 2009-01-30

He goes RIGHT to the "food court" EVERY time!
IMG_8762.JPG 2009-01-30

"Hmmm, any samples?"
IMG_8761.JPG 2009-01-30

Tasty ...
IMG_8763.JPG 2009-01-30

Time for my check up!
IMG_8764.JPG 2009-01-30

Im such a good boy
IMG_8765.JPG 2009-01-30

My brothers patiently waiting for me ... & a cookie
IMG_8766.JPG 2009-01-30

See how frisky I still am???
IMG_8768.JPG 2009-01-30

I even chased Maji after the vet today!
IMG_8769.JPG 2009-01-30

Run Maji, RUN!
IMG_8770.JPG 2009-01-30

WHO has CANCER? Bah!
IMG_8767.JPG 2009-01-30

& the wonderful iV Pet pages people have thier prayer chain going for my Boy, along with the rest of the world!

 

Dropped Kibo this morning with his chemo Buddy Lindsey (our fav surgical vet tech) & Tony was there to greet Kibo as well. As always, its so wonderful that when you HAVE to leave your dog for something like this, to know they are loved & well cared for. In fact, when I picked him up, Lindsey told me she got a lick across her TEETH! Kibo isnt a really "kissy" guy. He licks you once & a while (especially if you've just put on body creme, ewww!) but not often. Well, she knows that & was talking & smiling in his face & she inadverdently got a bit of a french kiss!  ;)

 

He did great. But he always does great, on the DAY of chemo. Its the days following that are scary. He had his Benedryl & Cerenia for allegic rx & for nausea, pre-treated prior to the chemo. & he then got the Doxiburicin (shudder!) at a 25% reduced dosage. His labs this week were great with a WBC at 16,500 ... so he's got a ways to fall if the chemo drops his counts. We have a good cushion there - his WBC usually run 8000 or so.

 

We will go in for extra CBC's to watch him very closely, bloodwork starting tomorrow. & of course he will be SO sick of rectal temps by the end of the weekend b/c I will be watching him at home like a hawk for ANY change in status. Dr. W said "one little sign of anything & we will bring him in for IV fluids & monitoring".  He also did NOT start him back on the Prednisone yet. This way if he has a reaction, we can rule out it wasnt caused by Pred, or more likely, the combo of them both. Then we will add the Prednisone back in when he feels we are in the safe zone. He also has antibiotics & antinausea meds to take here at home - & I will be treatning him every 8 hrs with Benedryl in the off chance that last issue WAS an allergic reaction.

 

It will be interesting to see how fast that lymph node dissapears after this chemo dose.

 

NAH was very kind in not telling me today that I was a crazy-woman.  Kibo showed up with hospital allergy wrist bands (Hmmmm, wonder where THOSE came from, lol) with "Please dont forget to give me a reduced dose! xo Kibo" on both front paws. I just kept thinking "what if by mistake, he gets the full dose & has the same reaction???"  If nothing else, it eased my mind that he was marked. We've all heard of the issues with surgeries on the wrong legs in hospitals, etc - & there are SO many medication mistakes made every day ... I wasnt letting Kibo be one of them, if I could help it!.  & when I picked him up, Dr. Wirth said "Ive slept & lived KIBO the past 2 months, dont worry" (about his messing up his dosage).

 

Following this he is scheduled for 2 more Doxi doses to finish his protocol. In the best case scenario, Kibo will be in remission for the rest of his natural life from this 1 round of chemo. I know personally of a couple dogs 4 YEARS in remission, & many others in the 18mo-2+ yr range.  More likley, according to stats, he will get an "average" remission of anywhere from 6-18 months. From what I see, "MOST" dogs get a year or so. If nodes start to show early, he may need a maintenance chemo - not sure what that consists of as I think there are  numerous choices - but I dont beleive we'd go thru a full course of big gun chemo at that point. There's a point where too much will be too much. But I wont know that until we get there.

 

 

It was yesterday AM & its a bit early to see his side effects ... if we get thru Sat scott free, I will be thrilled. But at the MOMENT he is rolling around on the floor wrestling with the puppy! & he ate like a pig both last nite this AM. In the past, he DID turn his nose up at food pretty much within 24 hrs of Doxo, so this time, things are looking better!

He continues on Benedryl 3X/day & Cerenia in the AM & an ABX. His temp is normal & we go for blood work Friday at 3pm (so Lisa you can stalk us if you want!)  to watch that WBC CLOSELY!
:)

So, Kibos has done AWESOMELY (is that a word? lol) after the reduced Doxo dose. I havent seen one single side effect. Blood work will be back today (from yesterday - 3 days post chemo) & I cant imagine it wont look fine since he is acting & eating as if he never had any chemo.  BUT .. that lymph node hasn't budged  :(

 

So, Im feeling like its b/c the Doxo at a reduced dose isnt doing much. Is it not fighting the cancer like the regular dose did? (his lymph nodes went down in 2 days with the regular dose).  The covering vet was on yesterday for bloodwork but she is supposed to be really good. I asked her if we could assume the lower dose of chemo wasnt really fighting the cancer like it should b/c it hasnt touched his lymph node size & she sort of explained that when they make a suggested dose of meds, or chemo, its a dose that will generally cover any dog & how much they need. Thats why often times you do have to back off on dosage b/c it could be too much for a specific dog (or even person).

 

That all makes sense - but IF "remission" means no lymph nodes ... & thats what we had before, w/ the regular dose of Doxo ... then this lower dose may just be a waste of time? Aaaargh. Its a fine line between of course, keeping his quality of life with a dose of chemo that isnt going to make him miserable (or kill him, like the regular dose almost did!), & trying to control the cancer as much as possible.

 

But, I wont project. Right now Im very grateful he handled this dosage so well. Maybe just adding the Pred back in will help the Lymph node ... but I doubt it.

 

So, Im thrilled he's doing ok - great - on this dosage. But scared its just not enough. R~ 

 

ps- Again, i SO love Newport Animal Hospital. They are ALL always so happy to see Kibo. Dr. Ondis was telling me yesterday that when Kibo was hospitalized he was SO limp, in the cage (during the sepsis) but all they could here was "tap tap tap" which was all he coudl move, the little tip of his tail to wag it. & as he got stronger, they all say, it got more like a "thump thump thump!" & as usual yesterday, whiel they were drawing blood, the tech was getting whacked in the face by that wagging tail!  :)  He is SUCH a good GOOD boy. 

Kibo never showed one single side effect - AT ALL this last (3rd) dose.  That is wonderful news, of course. But nagging at me is the one lymph node that hasn't gone away.

 

His 1st dose of chemo was a one time shot of L-spar & then the IV Doxirubicin. His Lymph nodes (the clinical sign of lymphoma) went down within a day or 2, to nothing. They stayed down thru that 2nd dose of just Doxo 3 weeks latyer, then he got septic, & we stopped chemo. He was 2 weeks late then, getting his 3rd dose of Doxo late, & one lymph node enlarged. It has NOT gone way, with this new, lower Doxo dose. Is it because this dose wasn't enough to affect the cancer? Or is this just one stubborn lymph node? Or was it that original L-spar that got rid of the nodes? Unfortunatly, there is no real "test" to check the "level" of cancer that is active. It tends to show in the nodes being palpable. So ... the great news is its only 1 node, & its not grown. But again, it also hasnt decreased.

 

BUT - I have had people say their dog has gone long periods of time (months, or a year) with 1 stubborn node, & stayed in pretty much, clinical remission. Or at least did very well & certainly didnt die in the 4-6 week period given as a life span for lymphoma dogs.

 

The plan now is 1 more set of bloodwork tomorrow to be sure Kibo's white count is good. Just an extra precaution. We would be SHOCKED if any side effects showed up this far out (8 days) from chemo, but better safe than sorry since we are going out of town for a couple days & I want to be sure he is 100%. & he is still on precautionary antibiotics as well.

 

I have asked Dr. W about increasing the next dosage, SLIGHTLY, to get the most benefit ... while walking that VERY fine line of not giving him horrible side effects. He said that the original dose he got was 15 mg, that was too much, this dose was 11. So ... he said next time we will go up to 12. When I say he had NO side effects at all this time, I mean NONE.  He ate, he played, he had no lethargy, nothing. So i cant imagine a tiny increase will harm him. My thoughts are that he has to get ENOUGH to eradicate the cancer cells. Too little & its a waste of time that we may lose ground in fighting the cancer, not to mention paying $300+ per dose of chemo - we want to get the most benefit we can. But of course, the most important thing is that he stays as unaffected as possible from the chemo.

 

We are also having him go back on the Prednisone in the morning. 30mg/day. I am not thrilled about the Pred - he hasnt had too bad a time with it, but some dogs have really rough side effects of extremely heavy breathing, a voracios appetite, an unquenchable thirst & therefore, needing to go outside VERY often. But as I said, its not affected him too badly in the past & it is part of the chemo protocol, so, we shall follow doctors orders!

 

Last weekend was gorgeous & 60 degrees. We took advantage of it & spent about 90min each day, walking the beach. We had the PLEASURE to meet our new very special freinds - Susan & Stephen!  They lost their Yellow Lab Max to this horrible disease, & we got to see photos of Max & his brother McGyver. Susan & Stephen have done a ton for Kibo & suffice it to say, I am FOREVER grateful. & I know Kibo is as well.  We also got to meet Ellen from the Canine Lymphoma forum. She came down to meet us all & she has been a great support to me on line - she has a Greyhound currently battling Lymphoma & she's done really well. She is an inspiration to Kibo ... he told me so!  ;)  So needless to say, Kibo got LOTS of love this weekend (as if thats something new, lol) & so did Maji & Sana. I took lots of photos, & even will attempt to post links to some videos. They are short & sweet, & I never did it b4, so if they dont work, Im sorry!

Kibo Beach

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhycPVPgqmw

 

Kibo Shell

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onWqoiW1WwI

 

Kibo Shell 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zq0413Pyrik

 

Maji Bones

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIJiAAet1I0

 

Sana & Kibo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EkmR4hdpqA

 

Maji Swim

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEDZV9wI3TM

 

Sana Stalker - Maji's Fat Waddling Belly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmw6lVuaCGY

 

Our Puppy Friends

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5GeEluFdQ4

 

Sana & Kibo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EkmR4hdpqA

 

New Toy - Maji & Kibo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_xj7dkVg6s

Averey & Maji


Maji torturing Zuri as usual


Comfy Maji???


Maji & Kibo


Cant get it Maji!


Sana loves to lick Kibos ears!


IMG_8788.JPG
IMG_8788.JPG 2009-01-31

Maji & Kibo snoozing


Maji & Ave


Kibo with my homemade paranoid Mommy braceltes on ...

to remind the vet staff to lower his chemo dosage last time!

Morning of 3rd chemo


Jackie with a VERY handsome happy Kibo 3 days post chemo!!! YEY!


Ave being welcomed home by Maji


Kibo & Maji


Playing on the beach - Kibo on left


Me with all my Boys!


Kibo
IMG_8836.JPG 2009-02-04

Maji cooling off


Maji & Kibo
IMG_8846.JPG 2009-02-04

Hansdome pup pup Maji. 6 months old.


Muddy Paws (Maji)
IMG_8864.JPG 2009-02-04

Sana left, Kibo Middle, Maji right ... Oh yeah, & Averey ;)
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LOVE this of Kibo & Maji
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MUST they wrestle on the BED???
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Nice TEETH Kibo!
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Kibo's scary snarl with the lips back, lol
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Ave & Kibo
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Kibo & Lynn
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Love from Susan
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Kibo, Susan & Stephen
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Ave & Kibs
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Sana digging holes they can lie in
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Lynn saying good-bye to Kibo
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Maji watching the birds
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Maji eating snow
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Kibo & Maji wrestling over a paper bag???
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Kibo & Maji resting
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My vet said he "would be happier if Kibo had NO lymphnodes palpable, but he is very happy with how he is presenting (full of energy, eating, etc) overall".  His last (3rd of 5) dose of Doxo was at 11mg. It didnt cause any side effects at all. You'd never know he got chemo. But, that node is still there. So the next dose he gets will be 12. It was 15mg that made him septic. He said if he does well with the 12, then that last dose, the 5th, if all is well, may be 13. Yikes. But Im comfortable with going up to 12 next time anyway. We talked a lot about the fine line between getting enough med in to treat the cancer, but not so much to cause bad side effects.

I asked him if we woudl ever repeat L-spar, b/c maybe THATS what got his nodes down, not the Doxo. He said he thinks it is a combo of both that got his nodes down & that Doxo should be doing it. But, once & a while you run into a dog with 1 stubborn node, & if all else looks good, its not TOO worrisome. I told him about a woman Ive spoken to who's dog did Mad/Wis protocol, & even L-spar afterwards & her dogs nodes NEVER went down. Yet today is her 1 yr anniversary from dx with T-cell Lymphoma (the worst type ... we didnt type Kibo, figuring it wasnt worth the money since the treatment is the same), & she is fine ... except for the nodes. So, that gives me a TON of hope.

We also discussed what we would do if the node was still there when Kibo finishes his Doxo protocol (he has 1 more dose in 2 weeks, than another, the last, 3 wks after that). He siad we will cross that bridge when we come to it ... but we could try L-spar. Or we could just wait it out a bit. & eventually if his kidneys are ok, do CCNU rescue protocol if more nodes pop up.

SO ... Im pretty comfortable where we are. Id be HAPPIER- of course, if there were NO nodes ... but given the fact he was asymotomatic with all his  nodes big, Im feeling ok. & I know there are more treatment options down the road if needed

As all of you who knew me b4 this stupid Cancer, know that I adored all my dogs ... & that Kibo has always held a very special place in my heart, being me "1st dog" as an adult (plus he is so darned SWEET)!  I always appreciated everything, but now, the littlest things he (or any of them) do, & even Averey, makes me stop & take the time to appreciate & relish it (& always photograph it if at all possible! lol)

 

We spent the weekend in CT with family. To see Kibo so excited & wagging that tail so hard that his whole back end was going (i call them "Fishy" when they do this ... its like a fish tail going back & forth), when we got to my brothers. To see Tripp, my just 2 yr old nephew, saying "Hi Kibo!" .... to hear about my brother having to walk all the way down to the end of their street (they live in the country) to pick Kibo up in his car b/c he went so far away (he loves to wander & tends to take a swim in anyones pool he finds open!) ...to watch Kibo go CRAZY over the Jolly Ball my brother had for his dog, whipping it back & forth, jumping on it like a pup ... to see his big fat head watching me drive, from the back seat - all of it just makes me want it to last 4ever.   I know it cant, but the memories will. & knowing time is limited, has made me cherish everything that much more. In ALL parts of my life. Because it can all change in an instant. A very very ill baby was born at work the other day. To parents who are older & had a very hard time getting to this point ... to be parents. & now they are hit with their baby getting an extreme life threatening diagnosis. Life just is NOT fair. But it also can be wonderful. This life. 

 

When we got home yesterday afternoon, & after a few hours in the car, the Boys were dying to play. Sana had a stick & was running full speed & dodging Maji, who was trying his darndest to catch Sana & steal his stick. Then Sana tripped, dropped his stick & Maji scooped it up & ran like crazy - ears flapping. Kibo jumped at him to try to catch him, but only went about 3 steps b4 giving up, lol. He (Kibo) grabbed his tennis ball on a rope (Sana & Maji do sticks, Kibo balls of any type) & with his head down, bucking, he ran at me with it. He loves to pay keep away. He kept teasing me, barking (with a mouth full of tennis ball), running at me, jumping back, fur up, playing. He was like he was Maji's age again. I wanted to cry it made me so happy. & it ended in his favorite game - tug-of-war.

 

It was a great day!!!  :)

Its not so much Kibo, HE is doing great.

 

But I am a member of a couple Lymphoma Dogs & Cancer Dogs sites, & its too much sometimes - to watch people losing their dogs. It just makes it all too real. Its easy to be in denial as Kibo is trotting along the beach. & I know there are some "miricale dogs" who have survived this Lymphoma beast MUCH longer than expected ... 2-4 years, as opposed to a year or so, which is average with chemo ... but the reality is that unless we are really really really lucky, & blessed, our time too will come, & much too soon.

 

Daily on these boards I have gained SO much knowledge on everything from the disease, the treatment options, how to deal with side effects, the best diets, & of course, most importantly, support from people who have gone thru it, or are going thru it as well. & now that I am getting to be a vetern, I too can support & help people who come begging for help, terrfied & in shock, like I was at Kibo's diagnosis, almost 3 months ago. Sometimes I think to myself "had i not chosen chemo, Kibo would surely be gone by now" since the life expectancy after diagnosis of Lymphoma is 4-6 weeks, 3 months at the very best. So I know how very lucky & blessed we are to still have him with us.

 

It's just seeing the pain people are going through, & the questions of "Is it time to help them cross the Bridge?" breaks my heart.  There is a woman who posted this morning & she is in agony over whether or not her dog is suffering or not, & if its truly time. Someone posted this to her:

 

The Last Battle

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

-- Unknown

 

& someone else posted their favorite poem:

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.
You are his life, his love, his leader.
He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart.
You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
~ Unknown ~

One of the women on the site today is very worried about her Lymphoma dogs condition. This was part of her post today:

He is still however, my MIRACLE dog. Dogs have a way of being a rock for us and
we don't even realize it until they leave us. No one to wake us up in the
morning with that "I gotta go" look, no one to greet us at the door as if we had
been gone for a year rather than a few hours. No one to listen without
interuption or judgement. Gone is the friend who was always available when
others were not. Dogs forgive us long before we forgive ourselves. I think it is
true - that ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN. I cannot imagine a world wiothout dogs.
 

YIKES!  God, he is doing SO well that Im afraid to rock the boat!   Although that olive sized node is still on 1 leg, he is SO SO happy, healthy, energetic, playful & eating so well. You would never ever know Lymphoma is lurking.  We just spent an hour on the beach & he is as happy as can be. I had tears in my eyes (& was SO mad I didnt bring the camera) watching all the kids at the beach playground climb all over him. He SO loves kids. He plopped himself smack in the middle of the play area & that tail was wagging a mile a minute as the kids were all petting him.

 

The other day, he actually went up our 13 stairs to upstairs in our house, he hasnt done that in about 9 months! As usual, if Im up there & he is in the living room, he whines & barks at the bottom of the stairs - starting to try, backing up, going forward, then finally giving up (or usually, I just go back downstairs with him! lol) They have just become too much for him. Of course, IF he went up them like a normal dog, he likely easily could WALK up them. But he HOPS like a rabbit up stairs. Both front paws, then back paws ... MUCH more tiring! Ive tried to teach him, lol, but to no avail. He hopped right up them the other day & he was honestly SO proud of himself & SO darned happy! I picked him up to put him on my bed & he laid down & you could just see his face "I am SO comfy & happy to be in my moms BED again!"  I snapped a pic, b/c the SMILE on his face was too much not to record. I will post it soon.

 

Those 1st 2 doses of Doxirubicin, & the 1 (2nd) that almost killed him, were 15mg.  The last dose that had not one single side effect, was 11mg. This time they are trying 12mg.  Please pray its enough to kick cancers butt, but not enough to make my Boy ill! After this dose, his last scheduled dose will be 3 weeks later. Then he will be done with this round of chemo. Hopefully, his last b/c he stays in a wonderful long remission!

 

Again, to ALL of you who read this blog, who have contributed to his funding, & who love him - a HUGE THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  xxoo

Maji
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Kibo, my co-pilot
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Kibo with his jolly ball at Uncle Chris


Maji sightseeing


Maji on bed with Kibo


Feeding time at the zoo! (at Uncle Chris')
Kibo, Maji, Sana

Sana watching Ave eat an ice cream cone
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Kibo on my bed for the 1st time in MONTHS!

some people have asked me to post the updated meds, especially the Holistic recommendations. So --- here they are:

 

Food: Evingers Gold canned, & green beans added occassionaly.

Chemo: 1st dose was L-Aspiriginase & Doxirubicin. The next 4 doses are just
Doxo. He also gets 30mg Prednisone a day at home.

Supps:
Fish oil- 1000mg /day
L-Glutamine - 1500mg twice /day
L-Argenine - 1000mg /day
Hoxy-like solution - 3cc twice /day
Power Mushrooms - 3 tabs twice/day
Eluthra - 2 tabs twice/ day
Milk Thistle - 1 tab twice/ day
IP6 2 - tabs twice/ day
Probiotics - 1 tab / day
Colostrum - either powdered from cows, or in Transfer Factor:
http://www.alohamedicinals.com/tf.htm
K-9 Immunity - 7 tabs/ day
http://www.alohamedicinals.com/pet.htm

 

Phew! Thats a LOT! ;)  We go in for a quick check by Dr. W Mon afternoon & bloodwork to be sure all is well in order for Kibo to get his chemo on Tues.

Dr. Wirth called her this morning with my blood work results. One of the major side effects of chemo is lowering my White Blood Count - WBC's help me fight off bad infections. If my count is too low, they would stop the chemo & wait a bit. If its too high, it could mean I have some nasty infection brewing, so then giving me chemo would be scary because if the infection began to take over, & my WBC's were low because of chemo, then I wouldnt have any cells to fight the infection & I could get really sick.  I hated when I was really sick last time. I felt horrible. & my Mom cried for days. & all my favorite NAH staff looked so worried about me!

 

Luckily, my bloodcounts have always been great. Till today.  :(   My WBC always runs between 6,000 & 14,000.   Today's was a whopping 27,000!  I heard Dr. Wirth telling Mom all about his concerns. He said that if this were a perfect world, he would hold off on my chemo dose today & give me antibotics to fight whatever infection might be brewing, for a couple weeks, then do the chemo dose. But then he told Mom something that Im sure scared her a LOT - he said "But, I think that delaying this dose, after the delay we've already done beacuse of the sepsis after dose #2, would be very detrimental for Kibo. We would likely lose this remission & really could fall into big trouble". EEEK! I dont LIKE those words!  But i DID hear Dr. W say "The only thing is, although these NUMBERS arent great, Kibo certainly doesnt present at all, as a dog with an infection brewing. His temp is completely fine, he has been so happy & energetic with you, his bowels are fine, all his other labs are perfect - in fact the Kidney function tests are better now - & he came running in here today like gangbusters" (i did, i love seeing everyone there - today Heather & Jackie & Lindsey were ALL there to greet me!)

Dr. W told my mom that although there was certainly a risk to giving me my dose today, he felt there was MUCH more risk of the cancer taking over if I didnt get the chemo - so ... I got it. I feel fine now. Im a bit tired, but its probably just because I had such an exciting day. My vet gave me a shot of antibiotics to get it going & I will stay on some for at least 10 days, just in case there is some nasty bug floating around in my system. He also gave me my usual Cerenia so my belly doesnt get update, & mom will give me Benedryl b/c it helps me not have a reaction to the meds, & I will stay on my 30mg Prednisone every day. When I got home Mom gave me a BIG bowl of fresh cows colostrum. She thinks colostrum is a wonder drug - I dont care, Its just TASTY!!!!

 

Thanks for keeping me in your prayers. I hope I dont need TOO many. I think I will do JUST FINE! Mom tells me so!  & she's always right!  ;)

 

Love, Kibo 

someone just pointed out to me since the Lymphoma IS cancer OF the lymphocytes ... a kind of White Blood Cell - it COULD be that the cancer is "increasing". That CANNOT BE.

I just e'd Dr. Wirth. I pray to God he can alleviate THAT fear ASAP.

I feel ***SO*** good! Mom says "We arent out of the woods YET with this chemo dose, but we are pretty darn close!"  :)  I feel GREEEEEAAAT!  Mom took me to the dog park today & I jumped for my tennis ball ... over & over. Even on my bad leg. I wanted to prove to her that Dr. Wirth is giving me just the right amount of medicine ... even my poop isnt runny  :)  (Sana's is though! His antibiotics must be hurting his belly)

 

Mom is going to post some more pics from today. Maji has TWO girlfriends. One is Paisley, shes my moms freinds dog. & the other he is wrestling with in the photos, he looks for her at the dog park. Her name is Calypso. He thinks she's really pretty  :)  *I* think MOM is really pretty  ;)

 

Tomorrow I go to see my friends at the NAH to have my blood drawn to check on how Im feeling. I could tell them - but .... I guess I will let them just do the test. Im very brave for needles - especially when they give me kisses AND cookies after. Plus, I love to see my friends there & get all that LOVE!

 

Mom took some silly pictures of my little brothers too today - they fight over the window. Not me! I just sit in the front & mind my own business. THATS why Mom says *I* am the perfect Boy of us all (but Shhh, dont tell THEM that!)

 

Thanks for all your prayers, they must be WORKING!!!!!!!!!!

Maji taking over the window on poor Sana!
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Kibo & his ball
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Catching his ball
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Maji & Kibo & buddies
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C'mon MA! Just throw the ball, will ya!?
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Handsomest boy EVER! Kibo.
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Sana the goofball
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Maji & Calypso
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Maji confused by the tub
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Kibo is our bathroom buddy. MUST lie next to the tub :)
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Sana telling me its time for DINNER!
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My silly Mom, she was so so SO happy saturday when Dr. W called to day my White Blood cell count is totally normal & Im not at any more risk of any bad things happening like an infection or anything. She kissed me a million times!  I feel SO good!  AND ... Im even a little bit naughty! ha ha ha! Mom LOVES it.  Now whenever mom goes upstairs to bed, if Im in the front of the house, *I* want to be up there too! I stand at the bottom of the stairs & bark, just once, about every 30 seconds, till she comes to get me  ;)   I dont like to go up the stairs alone, but Im going up them now with Mom next to me, a LOT more than I have in the past year or so. Guess I just want some snuggle time with her!  :)

 

My next chemo will be 3 weeks from the last dose ... & its my LAST chemo. YEY! 

I've been feeling SO great, that Mom has been remiss in updating here.  Not to mention she is very busy with Sana having a skin infection & her meetings for the school committee & my sister Avereys Variety show .. & shhh ... she has a new boyfriend!  ;)   But she still takes GREAT care of US TOO!  

 

My next, last chemo, is this Monday. Mom is nervous because she is so afraid of chemo ending, she is worried I will get sick again. But I told her STOP WORRYING & enjoy how great I feel!

So ... she IS!  :)

Kibo had his last chemo (5th dose of 15 weeks of Doxirubicin) yesterday, at age 11.5. As was the case with the last few lowered doses, he did great once again. Granted, we are only 30 hours post this chemo dose, but he is happy, healthy, beautiful & chasing tennis balls today  :)  Not to mention eating anything he can get his paws on!

As I noted prior to this dose, I'm a bit torn about it being the last dose. Thrilled he can go back to being a normal dog ... but terrified of ending chemo & knowing a loss of remission is likely at some point. HOPEFULLY never- or at the very least, many MANY months away.

I will continue to update Kibos website with photos & notes periodically. In the next couple of days I will post the photos of his last day of chemo & all the love he got from the techs.

Thank you all so very VERY much for all your thoughts, donations, prayes, support & LOVE!

 

Tony helping me get my bloodwork
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Im Brave! Im not afraid of a little needle!
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Kibo, Maji, Sana
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Maji (top) & Sana
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Kibo smiling at the dog park
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C'mon Mom! Throw my ball!!!
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Doggie friends
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I GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!
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So proud!
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I am THE handsomest boy!
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Love my tennis balls
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Maji interested in the tub
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Kibo our Bath Buddy (his whole life he MUST sit outside the tub/shower) :)
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Sana trying to tell us something
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Snoozing Kibo
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Maji & his girlfriend Calypso
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Home Away from Home
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Going to see Dr. Wirth for blood work
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Sana, grace & Averey
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The Maji Man
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Maji & his REAL girlfriend Paisley
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Playdate!
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Kibo snoozing on the good couch! Oooh!
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3 Muskateers - Maji, Sana, Kibo
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Sana when I come home :)
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Last chemo!!!! 4/13/09
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My Lindsey!!!! xo
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Everyone loves me!!!!
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All done, time to go home! :)
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Back home. Hoping for a FOREVER remission!
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Averey & Maji Man
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Mommy & Maji, 1st Beach
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Today we are between 48 & 72 hours post chemo. Which of course, Mom worries about because this is the point where I got really sick that one time.  This morning I ate my breakfast as usual, but tonite I feel a bit under the weather. Not horrible ... but I didnt want my dinner. BUT, i tricked Mom into feeding me roasted chicken. I was HAPPY to eat THAT! & boy were my brothers JEALOUS! (I did see Mom sneak THEM some too! & THEY didnt get chemo! Hrrrmph!)

 

My temperature is fine, Im just a little bit lethargic, but not nearly enough for mom to be freaking out .... yet.  She asked Avereys babysitter to get up in the middle of the nite tonite to check on me, because Mommy had to go to work overnite. I promised her I'd be just fine when she got home in the morning. I hope so because we are supposed to go on a trip the next few days! I get to go visit my Uncle Chris & Auntie Patty .... Im very special to Auntie Patty! & she SPOILS & LOVES ON  ME!  :)   & baby Tripp loves to say my name now  :)   But Mom said if I dont feel well, we wont go on the trip. My Aunt & Uncle are supposed to babysit for me on Sat/Sun so Mom & Averey can go to NYC to visit Uncle Tom & Mary, & Uncle Chuck & Danny. Hopefully I will be JUST FINE & all will be well. I will see Dr. Wirth at 4pm on Thurs for bloodwork to be sure all is well.

 

I cant believe this was my LAST chemo!  I know Mom is worried- she is afraid I will come out of remission. & if so, too soon. But she knows, just like I do, that there ARE options for me, if Ive still got this GREAT quality of life. & I plan to stay around a long .... long ... LONG time! My 12th birthday is July 5th & we are going to have a BIG celebration because I am such a brave, strong, well loved boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just had a HUGE scare, but am breathing a sigh of releif. 

 

1st off, I thought last nite, & today,that I could feel Kibo's neck lymph nodes. That would be VERY VERY bad. Meaning out of remission. I was a WRECK till the appt at 4pm today. While Dr. W checked them I covered my eyes & put my fingers in my ears, lol.

 

Add to that his weakness, nausea & listless side effects today, I was a wreck we were on our way to sepsis again. He has refused all food today (even cheese, dog biscuits AND a Wendys burger!) but sipped water breifly twice. He isnt "flat out" but he is definatly a bit out of it & wobbly.

 

We just saw the vet in the past hour. 

1. NO lymph nodes. THANK GOD. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. He doesnt think this is sepsis. He thinks its typical chemo side effects.  We've had no vomiting or diarrhea, his temp is fine, his gum color is fine. & he's wagging that tail!  :)   He gave him 2 shots of anti nausea meds (Reglan & Cerenia) & 1 shot of ABX since I coudlnt get his into him today. The vet drew bloodwork & we will get those results in the AM. He said he expects the bloodwork to be fine, just what we've been seeing, AND that by the morning he should be feeling much better.

 

& so will  Mommy!  I also have to say again, I am SO THRILLED with our vet staff.  The desk staff all were watching for him to come in b/c I had called saying he wasnt walking for me & I'd need help (he DID walk in on his own without an issue though). The techs, Jackie (who stayed overnite with him when he was so so ill in Feb & I HAD to work), Tony, Maya, Dave ... they all came in especially to see him & snuggle him. Jackie kept begging him for kisses & since he refused, she just have them to him instead. LOTS of them  :)   She tried to get him to eat some cookies & he tricked her by pretending, then spitting them at her  ;)

 

My nite will be much better than I thought it would be just a hour ago!  :)

PHEW!  (there are some new pics from today, following)

Does he LOOK nauseas or what? Poor guy!
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Resting this AM In the cool grass
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Sleeping on Aves pillow
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Yikes. He had a horrible episode on Friday nite. The pain meds the vet here in CT gave him didnt seem to be working very well. Its not like he is in constant pain, or doesnt appear to be - but he had these episodes of screamingy/yelping, that are HEARTWRENCHING. In all this time with Kibo, even at his sickest when we almost lost him in Feb with sepsis, he never cried. THIS is horrible. & Sana is sort of a Drama King anyway. eg: you can draw a smiley face on a piece of paper & show it to him & he backs away, peeking out of the corner of his eye, scared, lol. He is scared of EVERYthing. & so when he is in pain, he runs to Mommy. & shakes, terrified.

At 4am fri/sat nite, he jumped into my bed screaching in pain, panicked. I got him out & he cried & shook & "ran" from the pain for about 10min strait. He had had meds at 11pm. After that, for an hour I walked with him as he paced, tried to sit & get comfortable, got up, cried, laid back down, etc. He was skaking the whole time & it was SO sad. Finally he got back to sleep. I called my vet & the one here in CT Sat AM & they upped his med dosade. So now he gets the Tramadol for pain, 3 tabs (max dose) every 6 hrs instead of every 8. & he had a good day yesterday. The only time he yelped was when going down the stairs, Maji bumped his back end. AND, he pooped normally with no pain yesterday. Im praying thats a REALLY good sign b/c from what i read about the anal sac CA, one of hte major issues is constipation. Last nite he slept really well & I got up at 3am to re-dose his meds. He is running around happy & fine today with no obvious pain. I know it can come & go but so far, now the meds seem to be holding him fine. We see our doc tomorrow & as long as the pain is controlled, he will have the biopsies on Wed b/c thats our vets surgery day. But if he is in pain, we will push it to Tues with one of the other vets, just to save a day of pain for him. But I really want Dr. Wirth to do it all, if possible.

Thanks so much for all your prayers.

I am so devestated. My heart just aches. My boy is really really sick. I got him to the covering vet this AM (i thought i already posted this AM but Im so confused, maybe it didnt post?) after the episode - thats where they found a huge lymph node on his left back leg. HUGE. It was NOT there on Friday when the out of state vet saw him.  That was aspirated this AM & confirmed MAST cell cancer  :(  DAMMIT!  The anal masses were also aspirated & sent for pathology & they sent lab work as well.

 

I just talked to my vet & he's really concerned. We dont know if this is all one horrible big thing, or 4 things (the skin infection, anal masses, the pain from something else in his back/neck, & cancer in that HUGE lymph node which had MAST cell cancer cells in it) ... but the painful episodes he's had are horrific to watch. Never mind for him. & my vet is saying they could even be seizures. There's  so much we dont know. Is a huge internal cancer mass causing seizures/neuro stuff? Is a huge mass pressing on some spinal nerve? But then he comes out of it & seems fine until the next episode. The episodes of pain come every 12 - 24 hrs so far, some worse than others, but the one this AM was horrific. He was all contractured, twisted up, & screaming in pain on & off for about 15'.  He curls his back, his neck sort of stiffens to the side, he walks in circles, trying to "get away" from the pain ... today his left front paw contracted up towards his body the whole time. Sort of seizure like .... but maybe more neurological like. I was able to get it on video for the vet & will show Dr. Wirth - its very painful to watch  :(  But hopefully maybe it will help somewhat.

 

There are just no answers yet. Im terrified to leave him b/c he is SO scared when it happens.

 

Please pray my boy is at least comfortable.  I cannot BELEIVE i have to go teach in 1 hour ... ... God, what a mess. THEN work all nite. But i CAN sleep all day tomorrow ... depending on Sana. I do have a couple freinds I can ask to come sit with him for me - so i can rest easily. I just have to make it thru tonite ... then tomrorow. Day by day.

Dopey doesnt FETCH! Sana isnt a real Lab! ;)
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Tired O-U-T !!!
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Sana
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snoozer Sana
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Sana


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Fat head
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You lookin' at ME?
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Eeyore ... no one will play with me
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Sana happy after a swim !
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Kibo's Lymphoma was, as I look back, EASY compared to this. It was a straitforward dx, & a straitforward treatment. THIS, for poor Sana, is not.

 

I came home from work this AM & my sitter said he had about a 20 min epidose. That goes along with the time frame of his having one about every 36 hrs or so, no more span than 2 days, no less than every other day. I called Dr. W to see if I should access my Holistic Vet & see if there is anything she can try to do as she is a chiropractor & does accupuncture. He didnt say either way was ok or not - he said that he is completely unfamiliar with the treatments they do so he cant recommend either way.  So, I called her. But even all their emergency appts are filled up today, & she isnt back in till Friday. I didnt speak to her, just the desk, Im sure she will call me at some point. She may not feel comfortable treating without knowing whats going on, I dont know.

 

Dr. W cleared something up for me. If that Buffy Coat test comes back positive, then he definatly has the cancer cells all over his blood stream.  If it comes back negative, it doenst necessarily mean good news b/c there are many false negatives. So all the test does is CONFIRM it, but it cant rule it out. Great. So even if it comes back as a negative, he could still have the cancer everywhere  :( 

 

We also talked about doing spinal Xrays if he goes under anesthesia for any biposies - & maybe with some luck, we will see something thats causing these epidoses, & therefor save $1000+ maybe of $ on an MRI, nuero consult, etc.

 

Today Dr. W will see the video of an episode - it will be interesting to see if when he sees it, it clears anything up as to what it IS at least. But, I doubt it. Its all such a mystery. A very bad mystery.  :(

 

 

I am literally about to fall asleep on my feet. I wasnt able to sleep today, after working all nite last nite, but we did get some answers. Not ones I wanted, & some are still pending.

Sana's MAST cell cancer has spread to at least one other place on his body, & very possibly multiple places. The best treatment for this cancer is removal of the tumor, & then chemo.  Surgery isnt an option for my Guy.  The tumor in his leg lymph node is too diffuse, taking up the entire node - & there are no clear edges to remove. It would be a waste to even try. & neither can the other multiple small masses be removed. So, we are left with one option, Chemo.

 

I cannot believe we are on this road again. & the worst thing is, this is SO much more aggressive than Kibos Lymphoma. Today Sana had an U/S & Xrays. One of the reasons was to try to pinpoint the possible area where a tumor may be compressing his spine, or a nerve, causing those horrible neurological issues he's had a few times. Nothing showed up. We also were able to see his organs, & although his bloodwork & liver look good, his spleen shows some motteling & thats a bad sign that it too may be infiltrated with cancer. If so, he will still start chemo, but it will be less successful than if he doesnt have the cancer systemically.

Dr. Wirth saw the video of one of his episodes & he felt it appeard seizure-like. I dont agree. Its just too apparent that its pain causing it. I think anyway. I almost wish it WERE seizures b/c we could try seizure meds - but if it were seizures, it would likely mean the cancer was in his brain. So thats not a good option either.

 

The biggest hope is the cancer isnt in his spleen.  The next is that the chemo which will begin next week, will shrink the visible tumors, & anything internal that may be causing the neuro episodes. That seems like so much, too much, to hope for. Have we used all our luck on Kibo? Please dont let that be the case.  & its so sad when Sana has had the episodes, he comes to me - or last nite, the sitter - until its over. Then he goes to Kibo. They love one another so much. Sana's 10th birthday is in 5 days. April 27th. How bittersweet it will be.

 

Sana's chemo plan is not great for MAST cell, as there is really nothing proven to work really well with this type of cancer, but the best they have is a combo chemo, Vinblastine IV 1 week, then 2 weeks later CCNU, by mouth. This will alternate every other 2 weeks from drug to drug. & the entire time he will be on Prednisone also, just like Kibo (who is being weaned OFF prednisone right now because he is in remission).  The treatments will be a total of 16 weeks. Just about the length that Kibo's chemo protocol was.  

 

I haven't spoken much of Sana in Kibo's blog - its been so "all about Kibo" the past few months. Little did I know ... but he is a wonderful Boy. SO very different from Kibo, in his own way. We brought him home, sired by Kibo's father, a bit over a year from bringing Kibo home. From day 1, he followed Kibo around like he was his own puppy. We even had a backpack FOR KIBO, & Sana rode in it  :)  For about a week .. lol. Till he figured out how to climb out. Sana is special in his own way b/c a week after he came home, we found out we were pregnant with Averey. So for Averey, she has a strong "birthday" connection with Sana as some months of each year, they are the same age.

 

He's a BIG OLD BABY. Wow. Really a scardey cat of the funniest things. When Averey was being born, we were doing her nursery. He sat for weeks out side the door, with an occassional growl, refusing ever to go in. Even once Averey was born, he would only go near her when she wasnt in her nursery. When Ave was 9 months old, we moved. As I was packing up, Sana was sitting at the door as usual, just watching. Suddenly as I removed a ceramic sun with a smile face on it from the wall, he went NUTZ. Turns out THAT was what he was so scared of ... for almost a YEAR!  Now my favorite trick with him is to show people if I draw a smiley face on a peice of paper & show it to him, he looks the other way, peeking back out of the corner of his eye at it, scared!  lol We always called him "Needy Pup". Unlike independant Kibo, Sana ALWAYS is under your feet. Or on your lap. Or pawing at you to pet him. He is THE best to sleep with. That dog, at 80#, can find the tiniest spot left on the couch or bed, even if filled with humans, to fit  himself into this teeny little ball - & you KNOW he's thinking "please dont notice me & tell me to get down".  Kibo takes up all the room AND stretches & pushes you off!  Sana loves to lay on any pillow, there in lies another of his nicknames, "The Pillow King". & one of his favorite pillows is Kibo's bum. They always lie together.  He's a goofy, funny, silly dog. He loves to watch TV with other animals. He sticks his snout in the snow, with his bum in the air, & tunnels around. He loves to grab a stick & run like the wind (he is a SUPER fast runner, even at age 9) while Maji chases him. Maji cannot catch him. Sana is one of those dogs that if there is water, he find it, & lies down in it ---- even (or maybe especially) if its a mud puddle. He, unlike Kibo, DOES have a teeny cranky streak - like if Kibo stretches too much, Sana will give a little growl. But the second you scold him, he feel terrible. I cannot TELL you how often we say around here "Its ok Sana, YOU arent in trouble"!  If you raise your voice at all, or to anyone else, he automatically thinks its HIM in trouble, & he slinks away. His nicknames are "Little Guy" (at 80#, lol .. but its left over from his puppy hood). Also Sana Bwana (means "Good man" in Swhailli), Bwana Boy, San-San, & we often use our last name with him ... just because.

 

Sana loves nothing more than to walk around with a shoe in his mouth - he ALWAYS greets you with something. You can see him searching desperatly to find ANYthing .... Ive (or guests!) have been met at the door with some pretty funny, AND embarassing, things!  But mostly guests get greeted with his FOOD BOWL! or a leash.  If you SAY the word "doggie park"  or "beach", he goes nuts. Often Im NOT going to the dog park, but we are driving nearby it, & I end up having to stop because he KNOWS when we are almost there & he gets very vocal about it!  He also ADORES sticking his head out the car window & standing in between the driver & the passenger. Over 10 years, I must have said "Sana, IN THE BACK" 1 million times!   Now? He can sit on my LAP for all I care, all day long.  He is just a silly, innocent, goofy guy who wants nothing more than someone he loves to have at least their hand on him ---- & never leave.  He also seems to think his life's work is to lick the inside of Kibo's ears for him. AND he has taught Maji to do it as well .... KIBO THE KING  ;)

 

Some friends have asked for a place to once again, send in donations to help, this time with Sana's treatment. I am almost embarrased that this has happened to us again. HOW has this happened? They are the sweetest, most innocent dogs. Its just not fair. So, I am updating this new website & will place it on the blog. Again, just as before with Kibo, all money raised goes strait to Newport Animal Hospitl for Sana's care & treatment. In the past 5 days, I have already spent over $900 to get a diagnosis. My funds will be depleted soon - but I *will* find the means to help Sana. I have applied to the MBF again, hoping they are able to give us at least some help to get his treatment started. This is the link  http://chemoforkibo.chipin.com/chemo-for-sana  As in Kibos fund, if any $ colleted for some reason cannot be used for Sana, it will go towards another dog with Cancer. There are so very many out there. Its heartbreaking.  Thank you so much. Please keep us all in your prayers - even me this time because Im about at the end of my rope. But the love of my Boys & Averey (I cannot FATHOM telling Averey he is so ill), will keep me going. As always.

  

 

Sana
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i hesitate to post his because its VERY disturbing. But I am hoping someone maybe can recognize it & offer some help, since we are at such a loss as to what it is. I know many dog owners have dogs with seizures, I just dont agree that its seizure related. He is so aware during it, tail wagging, coming to me ... it just seems as more of something like a compressed nerve or something. Again, its REALLY disturbing - & I do swear during it b/c I get upset, but if anyone can stomach seeing it, maybe you can shed some light.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jhu3L9W1Fk

Kibo woke me up to go out about 30' ago & as I hadnt get gone back to bed, Sana began to show signs an episode was coming on. He yelped, turned in circles & that left front leg came up contracted against his side, & he began to drool a bit & hunch over. BUT, it didnt go to far, & I was able to keep him calm & whether it was me, or the incident was just minor, it was over within about 4-5 min & he did very little crying. AND, it became TOTALLY more clear to me that this is NOT seizure activity. No way. Its absolutely some sort of muscular or nerve pinching issue. Someone mentioned Torticollis that humans get. I dont know WHAT it is, but I had put in a call to the Holistic vet for accupunture or something to try, & she didnt call back today  :(   Im a bit suprised as she is normally very attentive. I have this HUGE HOPE inside me that this is NOT cancer related, that its somehow a pinched nerve that can be relieved ... but I also know its very likely that its a tumor somewhere pressing on a spinal nerve or something. But that left front leg coming up has GOT to be some sort of clue. I will call them again 1st thing tomorrow but i know she is off. But I will insist on an appt for Friday for Sana, for her to evaluate him.

 

Someone asked me about the possibility of an MRI to see whats going on. Yes, we can get one to pinpoint if & where a lesion or a mass may be, but its just not affordable. Seeing a neurologist also would be great, but again, not feasible. Right now we've got to put my resources into chemo at this stage, because the likliehood is that this IS 2ndary to the cancer.

 

Im releieved I was here, again he wasnt alone (has barely been in days) to be with him & calm him during this. Kibo too jumped off the couch to come to him during it.  Sweet Boy.  & once it was over, as I said it was very minor & short, I gave him his pain med & he is snoozing happily now under the kitchen table.

Sana last weekend after a "swim" at Dads swamp!
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Sana & Maji
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Sana after his bath!
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Aunty Patty, Tripp & Kibo
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Sana & Maji exploring 4/17/08
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Sana, Maji & Tripp
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Goofy 82# 8 month old, Maji Man
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Maji
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Sana resting
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Maji
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Maji left, Sana right
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Maji watching birds
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4am Dads, Sana just after an episode that nite & Kibo nearby
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Very sad Sana after Mondays episode :(
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Very loopy Sana after Wed anesthesia to do Xrays, & Kibo greeting him
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Sana (left) sleeping it off, Maji middle, Kibo right - Wed nite
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Kibo, Ave, Sana (right)
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I havent ruled out seizures. Many people have seen the video & sworn it IS a seizure, others swear it isnt b/c he is so aware, & seems in pain.

 

The thing that confuses me & makes me think its more nerve/ortho is that they do start out with a couple yelps & then its like a full blown spasm. BUT, there are also times thru the day, a couple each day, like just this AM, he went to jump on the couch & he yelped ... just like how the thing starts, but then he stops. Its like "ouch!" ... & sometimes it is just a tweak, & other times it actually ends up going into a full blown spastic type thing.

 

I know he needs to see a neuro if possible, but its SO expensive, plus, even IF the MRI showed us where a mass was, maybe causing this - the only treatment would BE to try to shrink the mass with chemo ... & we will begin chemo either way, next Thurs. I have an appt with our Holistic vet - she does chiro & accupunture.   The soonest so far she can see him is Sat at 11am, she is flat out even all her emergency appts are booked - so we can (& WILL!) hang in there till then. She can work wonders. Maybe she can help these episodes. Lord I hope so!

 

He's doing well this AM. So far ....

Sana has had a good couple days.  He had one small incident in the car yesterday, where he didnt yelp, but he looked a bit twisted in the neck & he lifted that left front leg again, close to his body. It lasted only about 3 min. & then it happened that way again this AM. Not NEARLY as bad as those other 3 big ones. Im feeling its more & more related to some sort of spasm & NOT seizure related. I will cute & paste what I wrote to the cancer forum:

I too dont think its seizures AT ALL.  & the more I watch him, the more I think its nerve/disc/neck pain related. My vet DOES have him on Tramadol. It a strong anti infl & narcotic. I am SO releieved we have an appt with the Holistic vet at 11am Sat. I have a TON of faith she can help him. She does accu & chiro ... she has the video to watch. Yes, he is fully alert during the episodes & the spinning I think istn seizure, its trying to "get away from the pain". The BEST scneario would be its totally UNrelated to teh cancer, just some odd spasming. The WORST would be some tumor or mass, causing nerve compression or something  :(   Its all so scary not to know. & yes, thank God Im with him when it happens. Lately, he's had less severe attacks, like about 30' ago, he just yelped, his head turned a little & his foot came up a bit, but as I kept him calm, it all releieved in 2 minutes with very little crying (for either of us!)  So it tells me its sometimes much worse than others ... & that its some sort of nerve/ortho or something. We spent 30' at the dog park yesterday b/c he was getting depressed being so out of his usual pattern of dog park or beach each day. & Maji the GIANT 82# 8 month old, lol, was REALLY needing some play time. Sana is his normal "chase me" playmate & he hasnt been that, so the trip was good for all of us. & Kibo mosey'd around looking for any dropped treats, lol.  & this AM we did a walk on the beach & Sana was totally normal. Thanks so much for all your help you guys. Its SO appreciated. Im less devestated than Ive been. Still a wreck, but I know that no matter how much time we have, we WILL make the best of it. & he knows how loved he is. ALL of them do. Thank you. R~ & my Boys  xo

So, we've had a couple good days.  One thing yesterday that broke my heart ... well, a couple things. When he feels ANY twinge of pain he RUNS to me. Afraid its going to get worse. & during it, Kibo comes over to him & stays by him. Then after, if Kibo walks away, Sana goes to lie with him.  The cute thing is that at the dog park, even though Maji is bigger than 90% of the dogs there, he is still such a pup. ANYtime any dog even growls a bit or becomes Alpha with Maji, Big brother Sana runs right over, growls & gets in between them. & he did that yesterday. I wanted to cry. Maji NEEDS Sana. He NEEDS Kibo. WE need them. Please God, dont take them too soon.

 

Thank you ALL so very much for your support, prayers, concern, advice & for those of you who have donated to Sana's site to help with his medical costs. The world, even though often painful, is a wonderful place.

vet just called, the aspirate on Sanas spleen showed NO cancer cells! THANK GOD! B/c if that were the case, it would mean his organs were infiltrated. Now I feel we can fight the good fight! Just like with Kibo. Ive got 2 very strong Boys here .... we can do it!!!!!!!!!!! YEY!

 

Ok, back to reality. Without an MRI, we cant know for sure whats causing these painful episodes. Had there been cancer in his spleen, the likliehood a tumor inside was causing these painful episodes, would be greater. Yes, its still a possibility, but less so. Maybe its "just" a pinched nerve. Could be totally UNrelated to teh cancer. Today I came home & went to pet his neck & he yelped, & that leg went up, but it was over fast & he stayed calm with me talking to him. It is NOT seizure, for sure. So I think the Holistic vet WILL be able to help him. I hope so.

 

 

Sana is doing somewhat better - BUT, its like his whole personality is different & it breaks my heart.  He is just so nervous about moving the wrong way & making the pain come back. He walks with his head sort of bowed down b/c its definatly when he raises his head too high or turns his head, that it happens.

 

On Sat the Holistic vet saw him. She feels its C4 & C6 giving him issues & causing the pain. She did chiro, accupunture & electrical stim on Sat, & i think now his epidoses are a little less frequent, i think ... but maybe not. They are 1-2X a day, BUT, they are MUCH less severe & not nearly as long. But then again, they seemed to start to get less in length b4 we saw her too. He had a REALLY painful episode in her office when she tried to lift his head ... he was SCREAMING in pain. God, it was horrible. She said its C4 & C6. Which explains the lifting of his front leg during an epidose, b/c its connected somehow to C6 she said. Now WHY is he having the issues with C4 & C6? She wants to see the Xrays that my regular vet did. HE didnt see any bone tumors or anything, but again, the fear is the stupid freaking cancer (I HATE IT) may have caused a tumor somewhere & its causing the neck pain. That scares me to death. When Kibo was dx & going thru chemo, it was ok b/c he wasnt in pain .... THIS is agonizing, knowing he is in pain. I know its not constant, but he is most certainly uncomfortable all the time - although not crying or anything, & he sleeps & eats no problem ... but when he gets the pain, Oh its SO sad. He runs to either me or dd for comfort.  My H vet also gave him a ton of Holistic meds to help with the pain, etc. She will see him again tomorrow for antoher treatment. Please, please, please let this make him more comfortable.  He is also still on the Tramadol.  She felt maybe Rimydal would help better, but he cant take that b/c his liver enzymes were up.  He IS ok most of the time - he spent a couple hours lying in the front yard with all of us today while Averey played with her friends, but you can just see by the way he lies, he isnt comfortable.

 

Now the confusing part - or MORE confusing - my H vet is NOT in agreement with the chemo the regular vet chose.  UGH.  & whats more, she said b/c the CCNU (Lomostine) is very hepatatoxic & his liver enzymes were "very high".  The other vet told me they were up, but not very worrisome numbers.      2 totally different things!  :(  He cannot have high liver enzymes & a drug that can damage his liver.  The chemo plan was to alternate CCNU & Vinblastine. For those who know labs, his AST was 175 (normal is 15-66), his ALT was 220 (normal is 120-118) & his Alk Phos  is 694 (normal 1-131)  

 

She also talked about the poor prognosis of JUST chemo without removing the MAST cell tumors. I hated hearing that  :(  She asked if we'd talked about radiation. We had, briefly, but mostly that it wasnt really a good option. But Im not really sure why it isnt.

 

Ive decided b4 we start chemo (planned for Thur), Im getting a NEVOG consult. We did it for Kibo - they now take all the info from your vet faxed & call & do FREE phone consults. I felt much better when we did this for Kibo, & I totally forgot about this option till she mentioned it. BUT, I feel like maybe they need to SEE Sana  in person.  See what they think of his tumor & if its rescectable (operable), at all. Its his only chance to beat this for any amount of time, I think. They are a good hour+ away & I dont know when I could get an appt, but I will do my best. Im calling my vet in the AM after calling them .. & we will see.

 

Im so stressed. So scared he is in pain & alone (the few times i have to leave him). So stressed b/c Im trying to apply to the MBF for help with $ for his treatment & in my craziness last week I misplaced the tax form I had to fax to apply, so now I dont know what to do. Im trying to get my tax lady to see if she has copies.  I just dont know where the money will come from to do all this  :(

 

I HATE THIS. Its taken all the joy of Kibo making it thru chemo, away. & its just not fair!!!!!  (i shouldnt say that - I am SO VERY GRATEFUL Kibo is ok right now) Now I just NEED Sana to be! & not be in pain!!!

 

I am on the fly here to his Holsitic vet, so Im cheating & posting whats on the cancer boards. Please continue to keep him, & Kibo, & us all, in your thoughts. I had a meltdown at work last nite .... Im at the end of my rope. But not really. I felt like this with Kibo at one point - I cant be hopeless of sad because Sana needs me to beat this with him.

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I absolutely agree, & thank you for saying it.  Its what I planned. No way can I have him start chemow he already feels so horrible from the spine/neck issues. 

I only planned chemo to start IF he was feeling ok.  & the biggest step right now is Im bringing him to NEVOG - NO WAY can I put him thru chemo when he feels like this. Its not fair to him, & THATS all that counts, that HE is ok. 

I do know youre right, we need an MRI to see whats really going on. But God, its like $900. Im hoping we can avoid it by the H vet & the meds. Thanks!

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	I already called NEVOG. http://www.nevog.com/index   they are the MECCA of pet cancer.  This time I want them to see him in person (they only did  a phone consult with my vet for Kibo b/c the Lymphoma is pretty strait forward). It will be a hike, but so worth my time. My poor sweet boy. Last nite I got home from work at 4am (long story ... I work 7p-7a) & when I got to work last nite I just lost it at 7pm, crying, wondering how I was going to do all this, & get thru today with no sleep b.c of my overnite shift.  I had to get Ave to school this AM, get Sana to H vet 30' away at 11, get Ave to docs at 3p, get Ave to dance with carpool at 4:15, & teach a class at 6pm. I was panicked that I wouldnt make it thru the day so I got someoen to come in & cover half my shift. & lemme tell you, that sleep from 4a-8a was a DREAM!)  Anyway, I got home at 4am & POOR POOR Sana. He was so stumped over, his head was hanging all the way down, he couldnt lift it more than like his knee level. He must be so exhausted dealing with this pain.  I broke down & tried a Rimydal (didnt want to b/c of liver enzymes but i HAD to try someting, & 1 isnt going to hurt).  I slept on the couch to be near him & he actually jumped up - with a little yelp - to lie with me. He loves to sleep curled in back of my knees. But his poor face had aged YEARS in the past 2 weeks, I swear. & he looked so sad. NOW, he always looks sad, he has one of those droopy sad Lab faces, but his eyes looked so sad, staring at me. It could also have been the drugs, though. But my heart still was breaking for him. He's so innocent. (& his tail was still wagging) BUT-this AM, his head is up MUCH higher. Still slow & looks kind of uncomfortable, but he was psyched to eat & he even tried to chase a stick outside. Ive got to think the Rymadil made him MUCH more comfortable. So, thast the story now. Thanks so much. R~  (we are on our way soon to his next H vet treatment)

Kibo lt, Sana rt
IMG_9434.JPG 2009-03-24

Waiting for dinner
IMG_9433.JPG 2009-03-24

Just an idea of all their meds & supplements!
IMG_9432.JPG 2009-03-22

Sana LT, Kibo RT
IMG_9435.JPG 2009-03-24

Maji
IMG_9439.JPG 2009-03-24

Sana checking things out. Kibo lounging.
IMG_9441.JPG 2009-03-24

Kibo loves the sprintime
IMG_9443.JPG 2009-03-24

Dogs & Kids!
IMG_9463.JPG 2009-03-26

Maji lt, Kibo rt
IMG_9465.JPG09-03-26

Kibo found some shade
IMG_9470.JPG 2009-03-26

Kibo LT, Maji RT
IMG_9472.JPG 2009-03-26

Lazy Boy Kibo
IMG_9474.JPG 2009-03-26

Sana in Majis crate
IMG_9478.JPG 2009-03-27

Sana's 10th bday 4/27 (He's in the middle)
IMG_9479.JPG 2009-03-27

IMG_9485.JPG
IMG_9485.JPG 2009-03-27

IMG_9481.JPG
IMG_9481.JPG 2009-03-27

Maji, me, Sana (below)
IMG_9483.JPG 2009-3-27

Ave & the birthday boy!
IMG_9484.JPG 2009-03-27

IMG_9486.JPG
IMG_9486.JPG 2009-03-27

Sana eating his cake
IMG_9487.JPG 2009-03-27

Kibo
IMG_9486.JPG 2009-03-27

IMG_9489.JPG
IMG_9489.JPG 2009-03-27

IMG_9492.JPG
IMG_9492.JPG 2009-03-27

Sana Beach 4/28
IMG_9495.JPG 2009-03-27

Sana
IMG_9497.JPG 2009-03-27

Sana , lt & Maji, rt
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IMG_9502.JPG
IMG_9502.JPG 2009-03-27

IMG_9503.JPG
IMG_9503.JPG 2009-03-27

The Boys!!!
IMG_9505.JPG 2009-03-27

Kibo wrecking my art work
IMG_9508.JPG 2009-03-27

All the pups
IMG_9509.JPG 2009-03-27

Mom & Sana
IMG_9511.JPG 2009-03-27

IMG_9512.JPG
IMG_9512.JPG 2009-03-27

& Happy!
IMG_9515.JPG 2009-03-27

Kibo tied OUT!
IMG_9514.JPG 2009-03-27

Sana at NEVOG 4/28
IMG_9516.JPG 2009-03-27

Sana after a Rimadyl!
IMG_9517.JPG 2009-03-28

Best he was all day!!!
IMG_9518.JPG 2009-03-28

Sana 4/25
DSC00278[1].JPG 2009-04-28

Holistic Vet, Sana
DSC00277[1].JPG 2009-04-28

DSC00276[1].JPG
DSC00276[1].JPG 2009-04-28

It was a really tough day.  We had a NEVOG appt for an oncology consult in Boston. About a 75 min drive. I cried on & off the entire way because I was so scared.  Sure enough, not great news.

 

On the cancer front, the Oncologis agreed with the Vinblastine & CCNU chemo combo. She is worried that his liver enzymes are high & the CCNU can be damaging for the liver, but she recommended another liver test (sorry, mind is numb, cant remember the name) to check more precisely his liver function. If its ok, he will have both meds, if not, then he cant get CCNU. She said that the large mass on his leg could only be removed with amputation of his entire leg. Of course thats not an option. She doesnt feel at all that the anal ones can be removed either, but she did say she didnt feel any have grown into his rectum & spread. That was good anyway.

 

MAST cell cancer has very few chemo drugs that it responds to, so there are few choices. He will also begin prednisone as part of the chemo treatment.  Her exact words were, for prognosis, that with MAST cell cancers like this, stage 2 or 3, which Sana definatly has :  "about 30-50% of dogs will have a good response to the chemo, for about 4-6 months".  Compared to Kibos Lymphoma prognosis of 90% of dogs gain remission, for anywhere from 6-18 months .... Sana's is devestating   :(   I know its only numbers, & hopefully Sana can be one of the ones' that beats the odds.  I couldnt have fathomed 4 months ago when Kibos Lymphoma diaganosis came, that I would actually be wishing for it down the road, instead of this much more aggressive deadly cancer.

 

BUT ... his neck/assumed disc issues, are the really concering thing right now.  He hasnt had any more of the big yelping/crying episodes of pain like on the video, in 3-4 days. But he certainly isnt comfortable. He cant really hold his head up strait, b/c of his neck pain. He mostly walks or stands with his head down, & he looks up at you with his eyes. Or to turn to look at somehting, he has to turn his whole body. & he is SO scared to move. Its really heartbreaking to watch. He seems so stiff & uncomfortable. He has occassional little quick yelps of pain, if he forgets & moves too fast, or gets bumped or something, but mostly he just is very stiff looking. Rymidal is hte only thing that seems to give him SOME relief, but because of his high liver enzymes, he cant have much of it at all - theyd prefer none. But he when eh really needs it, I give it to him.

This morning we went to the beach for the 1st time, & he actually did well. I brought the camera & some of hte pics are here, & some videos as well. But you can see how he is so gaurded of his neck & how its sort of off to the side. When she assessed him she told me the neck was the more pressing issue right now b/c he was really uncomforatble from it.  She highly recommended an MRI to see exactly what the issue is - & a neuro consult. To a tune of $2400. NOT an option. Plus, as i said to Dr. Wirth later, we could get that done & still be right where we are, with no options to help him.

 

In my conversation after with Dr. W (our vet), he said "The MRI will show us that whatever it is, but its only going to have 2 options, either surgical management or medical." He said, as I feel "Spinal surgery is out of the question" (since he has terminal cancer & there is NO way Im putting him thru that) & "the other option is medical management which we have begun & will add Prednisone to".  In other words, we can only do certain things to help, & either way, it will be done - no matter what the MRI says. Even if it said there was a big tumor pressing his spine, we would wait a bit to see if chemo shrunk it & gave him relief. The Onco suggested some other meds we can try for pain as well.

 

BUT, thats the scariest thing. How LONG do I wait?  He's had pain now about 10 days .... ONE day is too much. But i cant just decide he needs to be euthanized when there is a chance something we CAN try, may work. & it could be as simple as the steroids he will beging tomorrow (has to have blood test 1st)  So, we begin that, combined with continued Holistic treatments, tomorrow.  I honestly dont know the time frame we expect to see progress in. Im afraid to ask. The Holistic vet feels we can get him thru this. But what if a week from now he is no better & we are out of options??? I cannot fathom it  :(   Dr. W told me "Even in Kibos darkest hour, when he was septic, we knew if he pulled thru, he could turn around. This is a whole differnt situation with Sana. This is a step-by-step quaility of life issue, & I will not hold back, I will tell you when I think he has had enough".  I SOBBED to hear that - but I also felt some relief because I trust Dr. W, i know he loves my Boys & only wants whats best for them.

 

I was so worried about him all day. In the car, he just slept in the back. He walked fine (with head down) & made it thru the appt fine. He slept during some of it. The poor baby is exhausted. But then, I did give him a Rymidal on the way home b/c he was so stiff. He barely was lifting his head.  90 min later, i look back, & there is the big Goof, hanging over hte back seat like he used to, smiling. I was THRILLED. 

 

Many people have "warned me" lately "Dont let him suffer". They told me that too, when I decided to do chemo with Kibo. & look at HIM now!  It upsets me to think people think i COULD let them suffer ... btu Im also grateful to most because they are saying it for the benefit of Sana. I wont let him suffer any longer than he has to. I truly love these dogs with ALL my heart.  But I also cannot euthanize him without trying every possible treatment to give him a chance. There is a quote I recently read "I would rather euthanize my dog one day early, than one second too late".  Its true. But now that I may be near that point, its not so clear cut. How ... WHEN ... do I know its enough?  My biggest fear is his dying, either with help, or on his own, after only experienceing pain those last days of his life. But when I look at the videos from just today, & some pics from just today, as you can see, he still has some happy moments. Or at least peaceful. He still wags that tail, he eats like a champ, gets up to see us when we walk in, jumps up on the couch or into the car (sometimes with a little yelp -  but he sometimes jumps b4 i can stop him). So for now, I know its not time. But I also know that could change tomorrow. But I pray it doesnt.

the 1st 3 are of his bday party last nite & the beach just this AM. You can see how he holds hsi head oddly & walks funny from the pain - but he was doing pretty well here. Also, there are the last 2 videos showing him just a few short weeks ago. PLEASE send MY Sana BACK!

 

Bday http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uUdzDBkTHo   Beach http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kt6aq4s6MeQ   Beach 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZUHfjIQzxY   Kibo Maji Toy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_xj7dkVg6s   Sana March 10, 09 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EkmR4hdpqA   Maji Ruins Sanas stalking  March 10, 09 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmw6lVuaCGY

& of course, she cried. She put her hands over her ears, "dont tell me, dont say it!" & "I cant do this again!" ---  then when I talked to her about it - i told her that we found out that Sana too has cancer, but its a different cancer than Kibos. & that sadly, Sana's cancer may be much worse than Kibos & he might not do as well with the medicine, but that we are going to try everything to help him.  She asked things like "Are you SURE Dr. Wirth will do everything? Did you ask him?" (again, she LOVES Dr. Wirth - when Averey was about 4, she said to me "Can Dr. Wirth be my Pediatrician?" lol)  She then kept asking me if I could promise her that Sana wouldnt die, or woudlnt die too soon.  I also told her a BIG issue was that we never EVER want our doggies to be unhappy or in pain, & right now Sana was having a very hard time with his neck, but for now, he is ok & we are trying everything to fix that too.  She got off the couch & sat with Sana for a while, & then said "Ok, dont talk about it in front of me again".   BUT, this morning, she siad to me "Mommy, I love our Boys & I want them to be ok, but I was thinking ... thank God its not you who is sick like them" & I said "Or YOU" & she said "Or my Daddy, or Trippy (her cousin)".  So, she gets it, as much as her little 9 yr old mind can process it. She's such a wonderful kiddo.

 

Sana had his blood drawn today for the specialized test for his liver. Im praying that comes back ok b/c then he can have the CCNU chemo with the Vinblastine - which will be a bit more successful.  Dr. Wirth, seeing him today, doenst feel he is in "agony", as I asked him. He said he is obviously protecting the area by keeing his head down & he is uncomfortable, but he was able to jump into the cage, he is eating, wagging his tail, etc. He begins SIXTY (ugh! HUGE dose) mg a day of Prednisone today - part of chemo, but also in hopes of helping the neck issue. Kibo did fine on the Prednisone, 30-40mg/day, but it is a NITEmare for some dogs (& owners). It makes them famished & they drink a TON of water. So often times owners are up & down ALL NITE with a dog who has to go out to pee.  Thankfully we have a fenced in patio/yard, so as long as that was the only issue, I can just leave the screen door open & he can come & go as he wants at nite. BUT ... a skunk or raccoon could wander in. EEK! Maybe thats NOT such a great idea  :(   We will see how he does.  & he starts his 1st chemo injection of Vinblastine, tomorrow. Then 2 weeks later, he gets CCNU (by pill), then 2 weeks later Vinblastine, & it altenates like that, for 16 weeks. I just hate that the prognosis is SO poor  :(

 

Once again, when we arrived to Newport Animal Hospital this AM, Sana got TONS of LOVE LOVE LOVE from everyone. They were all scooting down to his level (of his head) so he could see them. So sweet.  Kibo also got mail yesterday - a LOVELY Congrats card signed & noted by most of the staff, congratualting him on finishing his chemo.  Could I ASK for a better staff to love my Boys???  I am very grateful.  As bad as it all is these days, I am grateful for so much:   For the fact that SO many people care for & love & support us, for the health of my human family & friends, for the fact that at least Sana's dx wasnt DURING Kibos chemo (sure, 4 days after he finsihed though! b/c I may not have been able to handle THAT), for the fact that I know whenever my Boys do leave this world, they will be together, as always, & they will be loved by Mom my in Heaven, until I get there too, & the fact that my personal life is going so well, for the 1st time in ages, & its a wonderful escape from all this stress, once & a while!

 

I also want to acknowledge that yesterday was the 1 yr anniversary of Lisa Lope's loss of her boy Kobi. He was a beautiful boy, & through the unfortunate circumstances of being "doggie cancer moms", Lisa & I came together. I was never able to meet her Kobi, but when Kibo was dx, Dr. Wirth told me about this wonderful woman who had lost her dog that year from Lymphoma & had gone thru chemo. She called me & she introduced me to the Magic Bullet Fund. She has been a WEALTH of knowledge & emotional support. I wish we had met for other reasons, (THATS an understatement!), but Im glad I met her - as well as other new dog loving freinds like Ellen, Susan, Cathy, Laurie - & so many others.  As hard as life can be, Life IS good.  

& i dont know if the Holistic stuff finally kicked in, or if ONE dose of Pred
yesterday (60mg) did it, but he is 90% normal today. I am SO thrilled! I
brought him in for his chemo & all 3 Vet techs were thrilled!, Jackie, Heather

& Lindsey ...they were so releived as well. I took some pics & will post them here.
His tail is wagging so fast, its a blur in the pics! :) I am SO SO SO
releieved. I know it can come back ... but for now, I am thrilled he feels
better. Thank you so much for all your prayers! THEY WORKED! Now ... we deal
with the cancer. He went in for the chemo, he is there now, he will be home

later this afternoon.

R~ (who is VERY happy this AM!!!) 

Smiles from Lindsey!
DSC00287[1].JPG 2009-04-30

Lovin' from Jackie!
DSC00286[1].JPG 2009-04-30

Smooches from Heather!
1.jpg 2009-04-30

That tail is a BLUR from all the wagging! :)
DSC00285[1].JPG 2009-04-30

I just realized i had made a site a while ago, of all my favorite pet photos. Came across it ... so here it is!  :)   http://petfavs.shutterfly.com/

 

& Sana was doing wonderfully all day. His neck is fine & he did great after chemo. Also, his Liver Bile test came back perfect ... so although his liver enzymes were elevated, his liver function is FINE  :)  PHEW!

Its amazing the difference a week can make .... but thats what they say, cancer is a rollercoaster.

1st off - Kibo is just FANTASTIC! He is so frisky & happy & makes me so happy to see. EVERYONE who sees him mentions how wonderful & healthy he looks  :)  

 

Sana's neck is SO much better. Every once & a while he moves too fast or something, & lets out a quick yelp (& the poor guy, he is so scared its going to happen again, he RUNS to me - or Averey - & looks terrified until we reassure him & he realizes its not going to turn into a big painful episode). But that Prednisone IS a mirical drug. & so far, no side effects. But i also know he cant stay on the high dose of Pred for too long term, so we will be back at the Holistic Vet on Monday, & continuing his treatment with her. The combo of everything should be enough to keep his neck issues stable. I hope!  One GREAT thing is he is pretty much back to being himself.  All last week he was so nervous, but now he is pretty back to Goofy Sana.

 

Cance-wise, he sailed thru that chemo last week. Absolutely NO sign he'd had chemo, except for his shaved leg. I almost have to laugh. Kibo & Sana have the same father, they are 1 yr apart, & they do EVERYTHING together ... even chemo! Does Sana HAVE to be such a copy cat of his big brother!?  Its hard for me to imagine that his cancer is so much worse than Kibo's & that his prognosis is so poor. Please dont let that 4-6 month life span be true. Its just not enough  :( 

 

Anyway, we are counting our blessings here, that Sana feels well, & that Kibo is in remission, & that Averey & I , & our loved ones, are healthy!

 

Thank you all for your continued prayers & hope!

........ we just saw Dr. Wirth. Sana's tumor on his leg is "unbeleivebaly significantly smaller & softer" in his exact words!  It was only a 30-50% chance he would even respond to the chemo. & after ONE dose of Vinblastine, its THAT changed! Thats a GREAT sign!!! You should have seen the smile on my vets face!  :)  He gets the CCNU (the alternating chemo) at the end of next week, as his next dose. So it likely can only get even better!  Maybe he will WAY outlive the 4-6 month time span they gave him, at best!!!

 

& we FINALLY got to meet Tracey from Tim Hortons today! She & her staff gave a HUGE donation to Kibos chemo, & we were so very VERY grateful! She got to meet all 3 Boys & of course, that got lots of COOKIES from her!

 

I am one happy Mommy today!!!

because 4 months ago, I could never have dreamed I would be doing Kibos ALL TIME FAVORITE Sping & summer activity with him .... Mowing the lawn!  lol   He **loves** it! Always has, lol.  He loves to just follow me around as I push the mower. & give an occassional bark.  This time we let Mr. Sana join in the "fun" & Sana is a "vacuum cleaner exterminator" (whereas Kibo, you can vacuum OVER him & he wont budge), so Sana thought "I *must* bark at this intruder!"   Everything Sana barked at the lawn mower, Kibo barked at AND jumped at Sana, as if to say "Leave my friend alone!"  They were just TOO DAMN CUTE   :)  Later, Kibo did one of his other favorite activities, guarding his soccer ball. 

 

Sana flew through that 1st chemo 2 weeks ago with flying colors & great results on his tumor. YEY SANA!  Today he gets his 1st dose of CCNU. He doesnt have to go into the vet for it, I give it here at home, by pill. & its only $75, as opposed to the other, $260ish. YEY! He gets one of those every 2 weeks, & the other every 2 weeks. This is the cheap 2 week period  :)

 

All Sana's bloodwork has been fabulous. His liver enzymes never were high again, so there is no worry about any liver issues. Phew!  & his neck really seems great. We had one issue just yesterday, & it was only his looking as if he was a bit stiff ... so I made an appt for his accupuncture & chiro today with the Holistic vet, Dr. Hassinger, & she worked her magic. Sana was SO relaxed & zoned right out  :)   She also gave us some meds she prescribes, from their "donation box" from other pet owners who no longer need the meds (Waaaah! We know why .... ), but they donate them to help other pets in need. So that cut down a bit on todays bill which was great.  Sana did have a few rough nites (ok, Mommy & the babysitter when she was here!) last week with his having to be up to pee like 4X a nite. A side effect of the Prednisone. But I devised a plan which lets him have outside access & us have SLEEP ... so its working great. He looks wonderful & just today was playing tug of war with me with a big stick ... till Maji stole it from him.

 

Kibo was checked out by Dr. W yesterday & he looks fantastic!  All his nodes are right where they have been since remission began ... so we are still officially in remission!! YEY YEY YEY!!!!!!!!

I am posting a bunch of new pics ... hope you enjoy!  

 

 

Kibo & Maji
IMG_9534.JPG 2009-03-31

Sana left, Kibo rt, Dog park
IMG_9535.JPG 2009-03-31

Party!
IMG_9573.JPG 2009-03-31

Maji, Sana, Kibo
IMG_9574.JPG 2009-03-31

Kibo lt, Sana rt
IMG_9575.JPG 2009-03-31

Kibo never misses a slumber party!
IMG_9583.JPG 2009-03-31

IMG_9580.JPG
IMG_9580.JPG 2009-03-31

85# PUP!


IMG_9597.JPG
IMG_9597.JPG 2009-04-02

Maji Man, 8 months, May 5th
IMG_9599.JPG 2009-04-02

Crazy Maji
IMG_9633.JPG 2009-04-02

IMG_9635.JPG
IMG_9635.JPG 2009-04-04

3 way tug of war!
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IMG_9637.JPG
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IMG_9640.JPG
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Kibo! :)
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Example of my LIFE ... leaving the dogs for 3 meals
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IMG_9657.JPG
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Maji & Sana
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Oh MAJI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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majiman.JPG
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maji.JPG
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My Lawn Boys
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lawnboys2.JPG
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kiboball.JPG
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greenpaws.JPG
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Kibo & Maji
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3pups.JPG
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sana.JPG
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Just an idea of all their meds & supplements!


Kibo lt, Sana rt
IMG_9434.JPG 2009-03-24

Maji
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Sana checking things out. Kibo lounging.
IMG_9441.JPG 2009-03-24

Kibo loves the sprintime
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Dogs & Kids!
IMG_9463.JPG 2009-03-26

Sana lt, Kibo rt
IMG_9465.JPG 2009-03-26

Kibo found some shade
IMG_9470.JPG 2009-03-26

Kibo LT, Maji RT
IMG_9472.JPG 2009-03-26

Lazy Boy Kibo
IMG_9474.JPG 2009-03-26

Sana's 10th bday 4/27 (He's in the middle)
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Maji, me, Sana (below)
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IMG_9485.JPG
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Bday boy Sana!
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Sana & Maji
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IMG_9502.JPG
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Kibo tied OUT!
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& Happy!
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Sana after a Rimadyl!
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Mom & Sana when his neck was bad :(
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Sana at NEVOG 4/28
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Best he was all day!!! On way home from NEVOG.
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Sana 4/25
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Holistic Vet, Sana
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Sleepy Sana - so handsome!
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Sana, Maji, Kibo
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Ave & Maji
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Its not at the point it had been, but its pretty close  :(   No big screaming episodes, but i noticed he seemed to be holding it at an odd angle on Wed, & got him into the chiro/accu on Thurs, but by this AM (Sat) he is really uncomfortable again. Last nite I refilled his Tramadol, pain med, so I guess thats helping. & I got more anti inflamm & pain stuff from the holistic vet as well.  But 3X today he yelped when he moved the wrong way. & he goes up & down stairs like a VERY old man b/c its hard for him to sort of stretch to take the step  :(  Only once did he seem to almost go into a big body spasm like b4 ... his right leg started to pull up & he was really twisting to the left, no yelping though. My aunt saw it (I made sure to not leave him alone at all today so he came to my Grammas estate sale with me all day) & she's a nurse & she said she can totally see how we thought it was a stroke or seizure before. Anyway, he didnt go into a full spasm, but Im so afraid the Prednisone is maxed out, too quickly, on its benefit. Not to mention the long term side effects of such a high dose of Pred that will eventually come.  I had cut it from 60mg a day to 50mg a day, a couple days ago. Dr. W siad that small amount shouldnt make such a difference for him to begin the pain issues again.  I will restart it at 60 though, tonite. HOPING beyond words, that it works. I did call today to see if I should give an even higher dose, but they said not yet. They will see him on Monday, but they said to give him the max pain meds at this point.  He is comfortable lying at least, & its hard to see him struggle a bit to get up, & then be so stiff & protective of his neck, but at least he's not having huge screaming epsiodes ... at this point.

 

Im so afraid that we wont be able to turn this around again. I know that if this continues, or gets worse, its not fair to him. But I cant think any farther right now.  Needless to say, he is getting SO much love (& got SO SO SO many pets at the estate sale .... & offers of prayers from strangers .... & they ALL loved the tail thumping which never stopped).  As far as his cancer goes, he has no obvious side effects at all from the chemo last Thurs. So thats positive anyway. 

 

Kibo in the MEANTIME is snorting, as I type, under my feet. lol   He sounds like a Truffle sniffing pig! Im at my brothers & my nephew is 2, so Im sure Kibo is finding MANY long lost crumbs on the floor.  & Maji? AKA" "Marley"?? Whats new? he jumped the fence at  my brothers & apparantly had QUITE the field day out all day in the woods ... & swamp. We broke in my brothers hose for the season - & now there is a very wet, STINKY, exhausted, 85# puppy, sound asleep on the back porch.

 

Please keep Sana in your thoughts ... I know you all will. Thanks 

Thank God! I cried myself to sleep last nite, I was so worried about him.   I dont know if it was increasing his Pred back to 60mg (from the 50mg I had dropped it to for 2 days), b/c Dr. W didnt think that small change would make such a difference ... or the Holistic treatments, or all the love & prayers everyone who came thru the estate sale gave to him, but at 4am I woke to check him & he was FINE!  :)  & still is.

 

Kibo on the other hand, got in trouble more than once - for stealing food from my nephew. Nothing new!  ;)

All Sana's bloodwork, so far, is fine. The CNNU can really affect the blood count about a week & 1/2 in, & we checked it at day 4, & will re-check next Wed. If all is well, he will get his 3rd chemo dose this protocol, his 2nd Vinblastine, next Thursday.

 

Dr. Wirth was really happy again, with the decrease in tumor size, & even the ones now on his rectum are changing slightly (for the better). Sana is in great spirits & his neck is still doing great, after last weeks episode.  Just like Kibo, & maybe even more so, that tail thumps constantly.  He was very happy to see Tony, who seems to always be on when either of The Boys go in .... & Dave popped into to exam room for a little snuggle as well.  Again, as always, we just LOVE everyone at NAH.  I could not, nor could The Boys, have gotten thru this without them.  You can really, REALLY, just feel the love they have for Kibo & Sana. Im so appreciative. Of everyone!

 

Sana was playing tug of way today, with the puppy - while Kibo barked at his frisbee.  All a normal NON-CANCER day in the Homer-Clark household  :)  I pray there are many many MANY more of those to come!!!!!!!!!1

 

 

Kibo is doing great!  His Lymphoma is thankfully still in remission & he is full of pep & energy  :)   His arthritis is acting up a bit more than usual & I feel guilty b/c with Sana's cancer & paying for his chemo & holistic treatements, Ive backed off on Kibos accupuncture & chiro due to $, but Ive got to get him in soon for his arthritis - but he is really doing great!

 

Maji left, Sana right
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Maji snuggling
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Sana not feeling great with his sore neck
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Kibo, Ave & the baby doll
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Kibo loves his marrow bones!
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Kibo & Sana - LOVE Kibo lying like that :)
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Kibo has always been our bath buddy!
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Sana feeling great! :) 3 chemos down!
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Kibo & the "puppy butt"
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So far, so good. Sometimes I feel like I am just holding my breath. Kibo has been in remission now since ending his chemo & I am so terrified to feel enlarged lymph nodes which would mean his cancer is back.  Kibo is feeling great. He rolls on his back, makes his funny sounds, steals food & snores like crazy. All Kibs. But, he is worrying me a bit because he seems to have suddenly gotten a lot more weakness in his back end & back legs. He's had arthritis & elbow dysplasia for years, & he has been getting accupuncture & chiro from the Holisitc vet now for a couple of years, but with all the expenses of chemo, Holistic meds, bloodwork & follow up - then Sana's chemo bills, I have let Kibo's Holistic treatments slip. & I feel so guilty because he is much weaker than he normally is. He still is up & about without too much of an issue, but his back end does collapse more often like if he slips, tries to go up stairs on a slippery floor, or gets bumped by the other dogs.  :(  I HATE to see that. but he gets himself up & keeps on going ... especially if food is waiting at the other end of the journey!  ;)

 

Sana tolerates both kinds of chemo incredibly well. We knew that it was a much less "strong" chemo than Kibos (hence the much worse prognosis), but still, he hasnt had any issues. The one drug, CCNU, can really drop their blood counts, but his have remained nicely stable. I still worry like crazy about that prognosis of 4 months with chemo ... but he responded SO well, SO fast (his anal tumors are gone, & the leg one is so small! yey!) to the chemo, Im hoping it means that he will outlive that 4 months by YEARS!

Up till today, his neck hasnt caused any issues since about 2 weeks ago when he had 2 days of being really uncomfortable, but again, NOTHING like when he was in agonizing pain.  He has been fine ... until just today he seemed more clingy to me (which is how he gets when he isnt feeling well, sweet boy), & Im noticing him sort of protecting his neck a bit. & sure enough, when we got out of the car tonite, he let out a little yelp. I have dosed him to the hilt on the pain meds & holistic anti-inflammatories, hoping to nip it all in the bud. I cant get him into the Holistic vet for at least 2 more weeks, so please say a prayer this neck incident is minor, & short-lived.  I've got a really exciting weekend of freinds coming to town for my 20th college reunion, & I want all my Boys happy & healthy so I dont have to worry! But mostly, I want them all comfy!

 

So, thats our update. Thank you again, all of you, for your thoughts for us all. Its what is getting us thru the hard times - NO question!

I am writing here, terrified. His neck has been acting up a bit the past few days, but not nearly what it was when it was really bad at the beginning. But is that because he knows how to "protect" it now? When its sore or whatever, every couple weeks, he lays low, keeps his neck down, walks gingerly, yelps rarely but does if he moves to fast & gets the twinge of pain or whatever, & its gone in a couple days with time & meds. BUT, thats not whats happening now.

 

Tonite prior to my leaving his left front leg seemed to be sort of cramping up again, & he was walking VERY gingerly with his head low, but he wasnt yelping or anything. He was walking ok, but very slowly.  My sitter checked him about 7pm & said he was the same, but seemed ok.

 

I came home tonite about 11:30pm from my reunion festivities & Sana NEVER doesnt get up whenever some comes in the door, or to the door, etc.  & when Im home, he clings to me.

 

He cant get up. He is ultimately parylized. But his tail wags, as usual, & he lifts his head a bit, but basically he is flat on the living room floor on his belly, with his back legs to each side, & his front legs strait out on either side of his head. That left front leg seems totally dead.  Not sure if he is moving his right one. But the 2 back legs, he moves a bit occassaionlly, & his tail wags. He doesnt SEEM in distress at all, if you didnt know him - you'd just think he was flat out on his belly comfortably. But its NOT him. He cannot get up. Im afriad to lift him ... knowing he must have to pee because of the Prednisone, b/c I dont want to hurt him. I hope if he has to go to the bathroom, he will just go right there on the floor. But i know he will hate that   :(

 

I called Dr. Wirth, God bless him. At 11:30 pm on his cell phone even though he's not on call. He told me the next 12 hrs or so will tell us if it will turn around. I know what he meant by that. Please dont let this be it. My Boy.  :(   I asked if more pain med or more Prednisone will help, he said not at this point.  We still really DONT know what this is. We assume from Xrays, thats its the cervical disc, but he said it could be a tumor on the spine, or even on the brain. Im so very grateful that he isnt in obvious pain right now, or obvious distress, but its GOT to be distressing to him - he cant MOVE. His breathing is pretty rapid,  but otherwise, he seems stable in that regard.

 

Im just at a loss.  Last week Kibo & Sana's sister Lele went to Heaven. She was from their Dad, & she was 13 & the sweetest girl. Then tonite, I talked with an accquaintence who lost Kibos full brother, last Friday .... My Boys arent going to be with me much longer. Maybe much shorter than "much longer" & its breaking my heart.  Averey is at her sitters overnite b/c I have houseguests for the reunion & the 1st thing she asked me earlier when I called to see how the kids were, was "Sana's ok, right Mom?" b/c she saw him earlier. Not like THIS, but she knew something was wrong.   

 

I will update as soon as anything changes - I pray to God its for the better in the morning. I made a bed next to Sana on the floor (of course, KIBO is now on it, lol), b/c I know he will feel so much more at peace with his Mom next to him. My sweet Boy. Please let him rebound. Please.  

3:15am
Ive been sleeping (Not sleeping) on the floor next to him. I changed his position once & he didnt cry in pain. A few minutes ago he was stuggling to get up & kept looking back at the door. I helped him up & the GOOD news is i think its ONLY that left front leg that it literally dead - he kept falling forward on his face boy guy, but he was desperate to get outside to pee & poop. He finally figured it out - took a couple face plants in the mud, but with my help, he got himself back in. Hoping the leg is related (as its been) to the swelling of his disc & maybe it will relieve at some point soon. Like before Averey gets home in the AM b/c she is going to freak. :(

 

Now - This AM we woke & he again, didnt appear in pain, but wasnt getting up. When my boyfriend woke up, he struggled to his feet to see who was in the kitchen & after that front left leg collapsing a few times, he scurried up the 2 steps to the kitchen & also got himself outside once. Thank GOD. He is definatly still very weak in that front left leg - like when he stands or lies, its sort of slack, it bends in 1/2, curled up, inwards. It looks so much like a stroke or something. But its more likely really related to the cervical stuff - the Holistic vet said that those discs are directly related to that left front leg. So .. its a wait & see game.  Im just praying there was some really bad swelling or something in the discs, pressing on whatever allows that leg to work - & that it relieves itself more & more.

 

But I know this is just getting closer to the end of the road for my Sweetie  :(  Most importantly though is he doesnt appear to be in any pain at all. I just hope its true.

He can get up & weight bear on his back legs, but then now his OTHER leg, the right front, which was never affected, is starting to curl under. This cant be good.  It tells me it degenerative.

 

We have an appt at 3pm at the Holistic Vet on Monday. But I just dont know that we will make it till then??? Im so scared for him. The yelping has begun a bit too, when he gets up. Just a little though. But he also hadnt had pain med b/c all nite he didnt seem in pain & I didnt want to medicate him since he is so unsteady. But I just did. Its pathetic - outside to pee he will be standing & slowly the front paws will begin to curl under & he slowly slides sideways. I am using the sling Lisa gave me now too, to help him walk.  All 78# of him.

 

My poor poor Boy.  :(   My freinds here for my reunion weekend assure me that he doesnt SEEM in pain. He cant get up on his own, but he is content to lie & wathc everything going on, then with help he gets out to pee & then with help gets back in ... & needs help to lie down as well. But once settled, he isnt whining or anything. & he wags his tail.

 

I know that if I need to, God forbid, Dr. Wirth will come here to help him to the Bridge. I just am praying its not his time - & this turns around. It has too.  I just want a little more time with him. With all of us.

Sana is so so bad. I am sobbing. Its 11:30pm. He has NO use what so ever of his front legs.  None at all. Anytime i prop him up to try to stand, he does - but the second he moves, everyting collapes & his head hits the floor.  My poor poor boy. Yet - when I HAD to leave him alone 3 hrs - i thought he would sleep with meds & in the place I left him - i found him standing, at the front door, which is about 60 ft from where I left him AND up 2 stairs - b/c he had to pee so badly (the Prednisone - he woudl not pee b4 i left).  He kept trying to get outside & kept collapsing foward. My heart is just breaking for him. I finally got him out with the help of Mike, & he peed, & then back in. He is now on the rug panting a bit hard but not anything out of the ordinary. I laid with him, I told him all the things i loved so much about him, what made him special - & when I talked about how much he loved the dog park he perked up, but when I said "beach" he lifted his head & his eyes got so wide. Im so damned terrrified - so scared for when Averey realizes whats happenining - she's been away since Fri beacause of my reunion weekend ---- I am praying SO SO SO hard for a turn around for him. But I think I know its not going to happen. God this is SO hard.  So many people loved him tonite. I had something planned at my house for reunion weekend. About 10 very close friends. I considered cancelling, but for me, & for him, we needed people here. I carried him to the back yard grass where we'd all be & he watched the party. People went to him with treats (baked brie, chips, etc) & he wagged & wagged. Lord knows his appetite isnt affected at all - & he got so much love & kisses from Auntie Kristen, & Karen, Uncle Chuck, Danny ... we needed that - Sana & I both.

 

I talked with Dr. Wirth at about 5pm, to update him that now the issue has moved to his other front leg. He said he does NOT feel this is likley the disc issue we've been thinking it may be - & without the $2400 MRI, we wont ever know - But due to the fact that its not responding now to the Pred ... & its more likely a neurological issue somehow, likely due to the cancer - maybe - maybe a tumor on his spine, but also maybe a lesion on his brain causing this. Of course we are very relieved that he doesnt appear in pain. I asked Dr. W ... "when do i know. How long do i wait?" Keeping in mind a quote "Id rather put my dog to sleep a day early - than a minute too late"  :(   He said for something like this, a day or 2 if he stays like this. It all depends on his progression - obviously today was not good. It progressed from his 1 front leg to both & no weight bearing at all. If it improves a bit, he said he'd watch, as long as he was fairly comfortable, for a few days, maybe 4 even. But if it gets worse, then its time.  I asked him, my big fear, "What if its 3:30am & its time?" Do i call him? do i bring him to the ER vet (where no one knows us & would devestate me - NAH has been thru so much with us, I need THEM with us). He said that would be hard for him to do - my wishes are that my Boys be euthanized here at home, with me with them. & he will do that, if at all possible. He said if its the middle of the nite it may be hard b/c he needs supplies, & an assistant (I pray Lindsey, or Jackie or Heather, or Dave or Tony (& there are others who have been so wonderful as well, but these guys really love my Boys) - I want them there b/c Sana knows too, how much they love him. Heather gave him SO much love last week when we were in to see them & he loves so much to see them all). If/when it happens, I hope we can wait for NAH to be with us for this.  --------- as I typed here just now, the back slider was wide open. Maji & Kibo were wrestling & loud in back of me. Sana was lying in back of me. Suddenly I realized Sana had gotten up & was OUTSIDE. He went maybe 50 ft, down 2 steps & up one to the yard to pee & poop!!!!! He was VERY unsteady & took a few diggers, (skinned his knee, poor thing) but was back up & on his own feet. Same coming in. He is now exhausted, but had peed & pooped, gotten a TON of cookies for his efforts - I can sleep, a bit, in some peace for a few hours maybe. Maybe ... maybe. ... MAYBE he will come thru this & turn around? But Dr. W did warn me it can wane & wax. I KNOW this is no quality of life for him long term ... but I've got to give him a chance.  

 

I will sleep beside him again tonite (& keep Kibo OFF my air bed b/c last nite I got NO sleep). Im much more relieved at this moment, than the beginning of this post 30 min ago (we spent a long time outside)- but as Dr. Wirth said, it could very much be an up & down thing.

 

Please, as I know you all are, keep him in your prayers. & allow me to do whats best for Sana. He deserves no less than that after all the Goofy Joy he has brought to our lives.

 

4:35 AM - Sana slept peacefully & I woke to help him outside. He still cant rise himself at all with no traction from his front legs, but once I got him up & standing, it takes him a while to steady himself - I have to keep uncurling his front feet & putting them flat, but once he "gets it", he can fairly steadily walk himself outside with me beside him. I just dont know if it will progress to any better.

At 8:30 this morning I called Dr. Wirth at home. Its time. He is coming to our house at noon. Im terrified, but I know Sana needs to be Sana - & this isnt him. He began to show tiny more signs of distress this AM, he was shaking as if he was scared, & he isnt wagging his tail as much. We have spent the morning together, & Kibo is RIGHT by his side. He must know. We've had tons of cookies, & kisses, & ice cream & photos, & love. & we will till the end. Its a beautiful day here - Im so glad his last couple days with us are filled with sunshine & freinds & love. Please keep his sweet soul in your thoughts as he goes to the Rainbow Bridge this afternoon.

He’s gone. & I just cant fathom it. Never again will I see his face in my front window, standing on the leather chair he wasn’t supposed to be on, so he could see me drive in. Never again will I watch him so goofily run like a crazy man into the ocean, to stop & lie in the water. Never again will I watch him in my rearview mirror, throuroughly enjoying the wind in his face, & laugh at his lips flapping in the wind. I'll never hear him barking "ferociously" when someone comes to the door. Never again will I feel him curled up with me, behind my bent knees, or stretched out beside me sound alseep, on his back, legs in the air, lips flopped open, snoring. I loved LOVED having him sleep curled up next to me. I always told him he was the best snuggler. He will never again play tug-of-war with Kibo with my Crocs or my socks. Never again will I wonder how he became such a good boy when he is a mile or more down the beach, & comes running at full speed, when I beep my horn. Never again will I have to say "Stop drooling on my shoulder!" when we wait in the bank line ... for cookies. Never again will I laugh when he hides around the corner of the house & peeks out, because he’s afraid of the hose, or hides from a smiley face on a piece of paper, or a picture of any sun, with a face drawn on it. Nerve again will he bark at the killer vaccuum cleaner. Never again will he go flying out the car door to get into the dog park to see his doggie friends. I wont ever again be able to take him to "the field" he so loved to run & swim in. Never again will I drive anywhere in the near vicinity of the dog park, & listen to him run back & forth in the back seat, "talking", & then barking, because we are close to the dog park. Never again will I say "Sana Homer" & laugh. Never again will I say "Your breath smells like fish. WHY??" Never again will Averey have her "Birthday Buddy" here for her birthday - they didn’t have the same date, but they were the same age for some of each year. Never again will he sneak into people pools, or teach Maji to be a good boy, or the saddest thing for me - never again will he lick Kibo’s ears & gross company out by doing so. Never again will he "walk himself" or Kibo, by holding the leash in his mouth. Never again will I watch him run through the yard with ½ a TREE in his mouth, & tell him he’s a crazy boy.. Never again will he lie with his head on Kibo, sleeping. Never again will he paw at me over & over, because he just wants someone to always be touching him. Never again will I adore watching how much fun he has in the snow. He would plow his nose into the snow, with his bum in the air, & roll & play for hours if I let him. Never again will I not be able to see out my passenger car window because Sana’s big fat head is there, insisting on being next to me, in the middle of the front seat. I cant ever yell "Sana! Get OUT OF THE MUD PUDDLE!!!" I’ll never again be able to look at his beautiful white face, tilting his head, listening. I’ll never again be able to call him all his nicknames, Sana Bwana, Bwana Boy, San-San, or "Pillow King". Our Xmas card this year will be so so lonely without his beautiful face.

 

Today Dr. Wirth & Lindsey came at noon to help him cross the Bridge. Last eve was spent with many friends here, giving him treats, & lots of pets, out in the yard. Today again, so much love. People came to say Good-bye to my sweetie - & Ave said it in her own way, "knowing", but not knowing for sure. She told him how much she loved him, what a good boy he was, & that she would see him later when she got home. I dread when that time comes today. But she helped feed him a whole pint of Vanilla Bean ice cream, took pics with him & gave him lots of kisses to help him feel better. After they left, I was alone with the 3 Boys for about an hour or so. Kibo stayed very near Sana most of the morning. I laid with Sana, on the floor with him, & just hugged him, pet him, sang to him, & fed him tons of treats. He wagged his tail often. We looked each other in the eyes often & I honestly didnt "see" him telling me it was time, but I felt it. I knew what was best for him & he wasn’t fighting it. He was calm & staring into my eyes. He needed me to give him this last gift. To free him so he could run again.

 

I stroked his beautiful thick wavy fur & told him all the wonderful things I loved about him, & all the things he had to look forward to when he got to Heaven, including Gramma Lisa, my Mom, waiting for him. & Lele who just recently went to the Bridge, & our cat Paka as well. I promised him one day we’d all be there with him. I tried not to cry too much, but it was really hard. Mostly I just laid against his body & held him. At noon they arrived. His belly was quite distended by this time & it was just one more sign he would grow more uncomfortable if I waited any longer. Kibo was now snoring right above on us the couch, & Maji in his crate in the room with us. Dr. W gave him the sedative which would put him into a deep sleep in about 5 minutes. In that 5 minutes, he had loving hands, Dr. W’s, Lindsey’s, & mine, stroking him. I kept eye contact with him the whole time & told him he was going to the beach, & the doggie park with his friends, & would have cookies, etc. Everything I could think of that he loved because thats what I wanted to be in his mind as he let go. He wagged that tail the 1^{st couple of minutes - in true Sana fashion, & he licked my face once which meant the world to me. He became more listless & was then very still, but breathing & snoring a bit. Dr. W said he was in a deep deep sleep. I told him over & over how I loved him & what a wonderful good boy he was, & then he was given that last shot. In 30 seconds or so, he stopped breathing & his heart stopped. In my arms - where he belonged. The same way I said good-bye to my mom 5 yrs ago - this was almost as hard.  But my heart KNOWS my Mom, who adored my Boys, is now watching him run through the fields, chase rabbits, & Im sure he is jumping into a big pond or lying in a mud puddle.}

 

As I write this, even though Kibo & Maji (everytime I write Kibo, I automatically start to write "& Sana") :(  Are right here in the room with me, I feel so empty. Sana’s personality was so vibrant & you just always knew when he was around. He was CONSTANTLY under my feet at the computer. He was the only one who ever did that. Now there is no one there.

 

On the other hand, I am so very grateful for many things. Mostly that he wasn’t suffering in obvious really bad pain. That this wasnt an emergent situation & it wasnt hectic & his passing was peaceful. That up until Friday day, less than 48 hrs ago, Sana was happy & mostly his old self before cancer & whatever this neurological issue was. Also that this could be done here, in the comfort of his home with me there. That meant so much to me. & I was surrounded by good friends & mostly, that has been so surrounded by love the past few days, as he was his whole life. Which he deserved, because he gave us SO much love, every day, for 10 years & 41 days. God speed Sana Rocheby of Whitehall. You were loved in life, immensely, & that won't change with your death. Your goofy sweet spirit will live on in what you’ve taught Maji, & what you’ve left behind in Kibo, & what is in our hearts with wonderful memories of your life. We love you Sana Bwana.

 

These are some poems I wanted to post. & In the next few days, I will post the picutres from today. Its too much now. I just cant believe he is gone. 

 

The Last Battle

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

-- Unknown

 

 

Beyond The Rainbow

As much as I loved the life we had and all the times we played,
I was so very tired and knew my time on earth would fade.
I saw a wondrous image then of a place that's trouble-free
Where all of us can meet again to spend eternity.

I saw the most beautiful Rainbow, and on the other side
Were meadows rich and beautiful -- lush and green and wide!
And running through the meadows as far as the eye could see
Were animals of every sort as healthy as could be!
My own tired, failing body was fresh and healed and new
And I wanted to go run with them, but I had something left to do.

I needed to reach out to you, to tell you I'm alright
That this place is truly wonderful, then a bright Glow pierced the night.
'Twas the Glow of many Candles shining bright and strong and bold
And I knew then that it held your love in its brilliant shades of gold.

For although we may not be together in the way we used to be,
We are still connected by a cord no eye can see.
So whenever you need to find me, we're never far apart
If you look beyond the Rainbow and listen with your heart.

 

Remember Our Love

I was chosen today
I'm learning to fly
the world took me away,
but please don't you cry

And I chose you today
to try and be strong
so please don't you cry
and don't say that I'm gone

When you're feeling alone
just remember our love,
I'm up near the stars
looking down from above.

Remember our love
In a moment you'll see
that I'm still here beside you
when you're thinking of me.

Julie Epp

to not see Sana's face in the window was bad enough, but he is the only one of my Boys who barks when he hears someone coming. So it was eerily quite - & so sad. & then to open the front door & not see that sweet face looking up at us, that tail wagging like crazy & his butt going back & forth like a fish tail (AKA "Fishy butt")... I burst into tears. Which didnt help poor Ave.

 

I told her when she came home today - I couldnt even get the words out, she ran out the front door, to the driveway, covering her ears screaming "No no no! Not Sana! No! It cant be!".  It was heartwrenching. She said a lot more, but I was so upset, I coudlnt even focus on it. Kristen got out of her car & was able to calm her down a bit. Once she was calmer, I was able to get her inside the house. She immedietly asked if Kibo would be ok for a long time - & she keeps saying how much she hates cancer. Its been rough, but she's a great kid, & doing ok. She has told me more than once tonite "Life is hard" & "Life isnt fair". She took time on her own to go write Sana a beautiful letter about her love for him & that she is happy for him that he isnt in pain anymore. She said she is "sorry you had to go so quickly & I wish you could be here right now. I would say "Sana, I love you so much & Im sorry you had to go through al that. I must have been so painful". Just for a little comic relief for us adults, she also said "It must have been so painful letting Mommy doing all that lifting. The good thing is you got Mommy to lose a lot of weigh (with that excercise)". She also said "You were my brother & we miss you so much. I grew up with you. I love you Sana Rocheby of Whitehall. What a big name you have there Buddy. We all miss you & love you. I hope you are having a tremendous about of fun in Heaven! Bye Bye!" & she drew a picture of him in a heart. She's mopey & has a belly ache, & is sleeping with me tonite. But I think it will be easier for her than me in a few days. There such an empty feeling here.  Kibo & Maji are SO quiet. Especially odd for Maji. He has slept all day - he NEVER does that. Kibo seems ok, but a bit sad. Im so scared to go back to any of our daily routines, the beach, the park, the field, errands in the car .... without him. But life must go on & we cant let Kibo & Maji miss out on life. Not to mention my TERROR of Kibo leaving us anytime soon. Please please PLEASE let him stay in remission for a good long time.  

 

I want to thank all of you for your calls, texts, messages, posts & emails. I just cant return all individually because there are so many - but please know I read every one, & am SO thankful for every one & they help. I will post photos in the morning, when Im strong enough to look at them. xo

waking up & having him not here. Somehow, it hurts worse than it did almost, yesterday. My heart feels like its in pieces & I cant stop the tears. I want him here for our morning routine. I picked up a leash & lost it, b/c he would get SO excited when he saw a leash. Kibo & Maji need (especially Maji as he's been in all weekend during this) to go to run at the dog park so badly, but Im terrified. 1st, b/c Sana LOVED it, & 2nd, b/c I will have to face everyone. I just cant. But maybe being somewhere he loved so much will do me good. I dont know.

 

& I keep picturing his beautiful body, at the vets, a mile away. I want him BACK!!!! He is going to be cremated.

 

One thing Im glad I did was when I realized he was going downhill on Fri nite, my friend Dawn & I did his footprint in the kit I had bought but never used. I also had Monica, when she was visiting in the morning, cut a lock of his hair for me b/c I coudlnt bring myself to do it. 

 

This is so hard.

 

One thing I cant do is use the term "The Boys" anymore. Kibo & Sana were ALWAYS "The Boys". For 10 years together. Thats what everyone called them. I feel so sad using that term now about Kibo & Maji together, I just cant. B/c Kibo & Maji arent "The Boys", someone is missing. The other half of that "The Boys", Sana is whats missing.

 

Averey, who often called Sana, "Mr. Sana" or "Mr. Sana Bwana", told me in the car yesteday "We arent special anymore. We only have 2 doggies now".  Sweet girl.  When we got home last nite we lit a candle in his honor. I explained to her that many candles were being lit tonite for our Boy, from people we've never even met, to lite his way to Heaven. At the end of the nite, I asked her if she wanted to blow it out & she said no. I told her I believed Sana was already in Heaven with Gramma & Paka & Ed by then, & she said ok, but wanted me to blow it out with her. & she said a little good-bye prayer to him & blew it out. My heart was breaking for her. She's still asleep this morning & I dont want to wake her b/c I know how painful it is to wake up with out him here.  

Sana at OM's a few weeks ago
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Sunday last week, we all walked to breakfast
Sana on far left of pic

Kibo & sana last week
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Sana on Kibo, last week
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Kibo & Sana last week
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Maji being nosey
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Maji
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Baths Tuesday of last week
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Kibo
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My boy Sana, just 5 days before he left us
Blurry wagging tail

Heather & Sana last week, blurry wagging tail
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Kibo, Maji, Sana Thurs June 4th
3 days before Sana left us. He was walking, but his neck was very stiff.

Sana Late Fri nite
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Its ok Buddy :(
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Mommys bed being taken over next to Sana
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Kibo on my bed
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Hadsome Sana
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Sana
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Sana & Kibo
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Sana standing Saturday, breifly with help
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My Beautiful Boy Sat nite, June 6th
The nite before he went to Heaven. He was enjoying the sun, & the party going on around him.

Kibo of course, waiting under the table
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Maji begging
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Kibo begging
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Uncle Chuck & Sana
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Uncle Danny giving Sana treats
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All Sanas friends
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Maji & Uncle Chuck
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Sat eve
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Sana & his brothers Sat eve
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Sunday morning, June 7th
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Kibo lying with Sana
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Getting Mommy love
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Cousins Monica & Kate saying Good-bye
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Kibo & Sana
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Kibo & Sana
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Averey saying Good-bye, although she didnt know it.
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She adored Sana
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Feeding him ice cream
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He was loving it
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More love
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Everyone wants Ice cream
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Oh my heart
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Hannah & Harley snuggles
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Ave's last kiss for her boy
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Kibo stayed with his brother after everyone left
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My Sweet Boys
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My last photos with My Boy, waiting for Dr. Wirth
he's licking ice cream off the blanket!

His beautiful face with ice cream on his whiskers
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Bye, My Sweet Boy. I love you.
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Averey later that day, writing Sana a letter.
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Kibo sleeping on my Sun nite
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Sana & Maji later that day
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Missing their brother I think
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This sign hangs on my patio ...
& I think Sana lived his life this way. We all should.

because it was too hard. Too many "1st's" without Sana. Averey had a hard day as well. She stayed home from school & has had a "belly ache" & eaten very little the past 2 days. She is so nervous about crying in school tomorrow. She sobbed & asked me if I would "walk her in in the morning". I told her we'd both go in a bit early & sit with her teacher - so hopefully that will be helpful to her.

 

Again, we were out this eve with Kibo & Maji, & everytime I did something ... went to feed them this AM & immedietly thought of how Sana always brought his empty food bowl to anyone who came to thr door, as in "Feed me please" ... picked up a leash - all I coudl think of was Sana would get SO excited to see the leash ... put the blinker on in my car - Sana would wake from a DEAD sleep in the car (& he rarely slept in the car, usually stood up the whole time) whenever he heard the blinker b/c he would think we were "there". It drove me crazy b/c he'd even do it when i changed lanes on the highway. He'd have JUST finally sat down & gotten comfy & WHAM! He'd jump back up. & at least 3X today someone commented on my having "beautiful dogs" while out, or "how is it to have 2?", or "Are they related". I cant tell you how many 1000's of times I said "Yes, they are a year 1/2 apart with the same Dad". Now I cant say that anymore  :(   The worst though, agian, was coming home tonite to the empty house without him. Averey cried getting closer, & she asked me "Mommy, what can we do tonite to make me feel better?"  She decided we should BOTH draw pictures of our favorite things about Sana. Suffice it to say my 9 yr old has exactly 1000% more artistic talent then I do. But I did my job. I drew him sleeping curled behind my knees, him "walking" Kibo with a leash, & him in my car with his head out the window, lips flapping. It did make us feel better.

 

So, I will wake tomorrow & pour all my love into Kibo & Maji. So far Kibo seems ok. But he may not realize yet that Sana isnt coming back - although they were RARELY seperated.  We saw the Holistic vet today for Kibos chiro & accu, & they were all so wonderful about our loss as well. She gave Kibo a homeopathic drink called "Grief remedy" or something, to help with grief. I dont know how it works, but I know it can hurt. Im a bit (ok, COMPLETELY!) concerned b/c she felt what she thought was a new inflamed lymph node. That would NOT be good news. My heart sank - if that was possible today - it was feeling in my stomach as it was. She did say the good thing is none of the other nodes have increased ... & MAYBE it could be a fatty tumor since he has many - but that I need to watch it very closely to see if it gets bigger. God cannot let Kibo come out of remission this soon, & especially right now. I will watch it for a couple of days, but likely have Dr. Wirth take a look by the end of the week, when I feel better able to deal with it all. 

 

Again, thank every one of you for your support.

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Sana driving next to me, as usual


Sana after surgery, 2006


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Champion ear licker

 

 

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Sana pup
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Kibo carrying Sana
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Sana meeting Kibo
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Sana & Kibo
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Mommys home!!!
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Sana


Sana telling me he's HUNGRY!


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Sun nite ... what a LIFE!!!

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Sana

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Stick Boy


Sana having TOO Much fun!

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Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

all the "1st's" ... they hurt so badly. All the 1st's without Sana. I hate it. I
hate driving in the driveway & he isnt barking at the window. Coming in from work this morning was so sad. Maji is crated & Kibo's hearing is bad, plus, Kibo isnt a barker. There hasnt been a day in 10 yrs that Ive not driven in the driveway & had Sana barking at the door for me.

 I hate waking up & Im feeding 2, not 3 Boys. Kibos meds & food on the left, Sana's on the right. & they always knew who's was who's.

 

I havent gone to sleep in my bed, nor has Averey, the past 2
nites because we wanted to sleep where he last was - in the living room, with
Kibo & Maji. I have slept in the same shirt, unwashed, that I had on that
morning he died, b/c "he" is on it. I also sleep with the blanket he laid his
head on those last hours. Is that crazy???  & I hate that I havent NOT said "KiboandSana", which I have said a trillion times in the past 10 yrs ... & by mistake, everytime i say Kibos name
now, it comes out "KiboandSana" :(   & i hate the same questions I always got
with Kibo & Sana, "are they brothers" ... & now people ask that about Maji &
Kibo, & I want to vomit because I want to scream that Kibo's brother died. All nite I kept thinking about how he would wag his whole body whenever he was excited ... which was always.  & I keep picturing him collapsing on the lawn, or on the floor, all weekend. I cant think of that though - I do push the sad things out, & think of the happy memories. That IS getting easier to do. I dont sob when I look at his photos anymore. The one above just cracks me up. SO Sana. Mud? Greeeaat!  :)  Lemme lie in it!  I also remembered one of the phrases we must have said a million times "Sana, its ok Buddy. Youre not in trouble". WhenEVER anyone raised their voice - me at Ave, Ave at me (yeah .. it happens, lol), or us at one of the other dogs (like whem Maji ate the HOUSE!), Sana would look SO guilty! & we'd have to reassure him that it WASNT him. For years SOMEONE was getting into the lazy Susan in my kitchen & opening packages of pasta, etc. I always thought it was Sana b/c he always look VERY guilty & slinked away. UNTIL ... i caught Kibo red-pawed doing it! & yet still, Sana took the blame himself, looking horribly guilty & slinking away. He was so so funny.  

Many of you have asked how Kibo & Maji are. Im more worried about Kibo. Sana was
his little brother, side-kick for 10 yrs. But he does seem ok right now. Maybe
he doesnt realize he is gone for good. I dont know. Maji IS great company for Kibo.  Kibo lies on the floor & drops things on Kibos head to play tug of war, & Kibo happily obliges. There is lots of wrestling over toys, fake growls & barking going on. Just like always.

We saw the Holistic vet Monday for an accup & chiro tx for Kibo. She gave him some sort of homeopathic grief remedy.

 

& ..... Im even afraid to type the words, but she thinks she felt
a new lymph node in Kibos axilla (armpit). I just KNOW this CANNOT be. He CANNOT
be out of remission after only 6 weeks. She did say she cant feel any nodes
anywhere else (he has that 1 stubborn one that never went down in his rear leg,
but has had none anywhere else) & that was good. He also has TONS of fatty
tumors, & she said it COULD be one. She doesnt see him often enough to know his
lymph nodes like Dr. Wirth. So, we have an appt for a check with Dr. Wirth at
3:15 Wed. Im asking Sana to please PLEASE send healthy vibes to his brother,
that the Lymphoma isnt back. But if it comes Kibo's time to go sometime soon, &
I pray to God its a LONG time away ... I know that Sana will be there to welcome
him with a giant sock to play tug of war.

Averey is hanging in there. Like me, she is up & down. I know time will make it
somewhat better. But right now, Man it hurts :(

was made by a sweet woman on the Canine Cancer Support group board I belong to.

She posts a different photo for each lost dog, with the images of all members dogs who have gone to the Rainbow Bridge before them. I was honestly very worried about seeing whatever she made for Sana, because I didnt want to see it. But here is what I posted when I 1st saw it, last nite:

 

I was really worried to sign on the past 2 days, b/c I was honestly afraid to see Sana's photo on our home page. I almost requested his picture not be put up as all the others are. But I am so grateful I didnt. Because as hard as it made me cry to just see him there, it
gives me some comfort. He has a look on his face like "Mom? Should i go?" ....
"Yes my boy, go. Please go & frolick thru the fields, run fast, because you can,
run free, because you deserve it, & find a big old lake & plow right in. Im sure
someone there will play keep away & tug of war with some socks or Crocs, like
you & Kibo used to. Ask them to let you play buddy ... they will. & find the
biggest craziest stick & show everyone how strong you are. I love you sweet boy.
& I miss you more than I can fathom. xo"

we were worried about his having lost remission after the Holistic Vet ? an enlarged lymph node on Monday. Dr. Wirth checked it out today & said its not a lymph node, he is almost 100% sure its just another fatty lyphoma, of which he has tons. He did a cytology just to be sure, b/c if it were a lymph node, we'd have to do a chemo rescue protocol immedietly, but as I said, he is very sure all is well. He will send the cytology off to confirm it, but he saw the fatty cells on aspirate, & thats a great sign.

 

So sad though - when I walked in, Sana's old friend Brendan was there. He was a vet tech 3-4 yrs ago & he cared SO well for Sana during his surgerys, the 1st time he had cancer.  He is the one who fashioned that Red Sox vest (bandage) in the pics above. I lost touch with him after he left the vet office, but recently found out he was married to Jackie, another wonderful vet tech. Brenden emailed me a couple weeks back to tell me how much he had loved Sana, & we decided we'd have to have him come over for a visit soon. .... it wasnt soon enough   :(   I wish Sana had gotten to see him b4 he left us. But Kibo did get some lovin' from him today.

 

Today we went to the dog park, for the 2nd time, without Sana. I still cant drive in without crying, but its getting a bit easier. Kind of.

 

yes, I was terrified to see it, & although it made me cry to see him, I watched the videos I took of Sana the nite b4 & of that morning, an hour b4 the vet arrived - & he was so beautiful & very comfortable. It makes me feel better.  He was alert, comfortbale lying on his side on the rug, & eating ice cream. God, he was such a great dog.

one of the biggest things I loved about Sana was that he ALWAYS, ALWAYS met you with SOMEthing in his mouth. You'd come in the front door & he would be frantically looking for anything he could pick up to bring you ... I've been brought shoes, leashes, socks, hats, lunchboxes, books, baby dolls, you name it. He also always met guests, or the pizza guy, or the UPS guy, with his food bowl. Just a couple weeks ago, he ran up to me in the kitchen with BOTH (his & Kibos) food bowls in his mouth!!!  & ... i forgot about that today, until Maji brought me a toy in that same manner. It brought tears to my eyes & made me so sad. I miss that SO much. He was SO funny. His head would be whipping back & forth, in conjunction with his body as his tail wagged like a fish (hence the nickname "Fishy") & he searched like crazy for ANYthing to bring me. On that note, whenever they were in the car & it was parked, people always stopped at the car to see the big fat Lab heads hanging out. Sana would inevitably reach down & come up with his leash in his mouth, for them. He just LOVED to see his leash. He gave SO many people a good laugh with that trick.

 

I feel like I didnt appreciate him enough when he was here.  I took him for granted. Its so stupid, I know. But I feel like he was pushed to the side or something, a lot. Kibo was the 1st baby, then Sana only with us for 9 months b4 Averey came along, then Kibo was always the one with arthitis, or then cancer, & Sana was just this happy-go-lucky guy who just went with the flow. I always told him he was such a good listener. He WAS. He could be 1 mile down the beach, eating a side of beef, & he would still come running full speed as soon as I called him or beeped the horn for them to come. He knew a cookie was waiting for him. Not until he was diagnosed with the cancer do I feel like I REALLY appreciated him. When I realized I could lose him. I never NEVER pictured it being so damned soon  :( 

A big dog kept picking on him. Sana was SO funny with Maji. Whenever any other dog got rough or aggressive with Maji, Sana would run right over & get in between them. SO many people would comment "Look at him protecting his little brother".  Sana ... the one who was cranky when we brought the pup home - for about a week. lol

 

Kibo is so cute at the dog park. He just lies in the cool dirt, gets up occassionally to limp over to get a tennis ball or soccer bawl, then lies back down with it b/w his paws. He occassionally lets out a deep bark to tell another dog to get away from HIS ball. lol  Tonite a woman was saying "Look at the KING over there".  But then sometimes he gets so "puppyish" too. SO cute. He will get up & his fur will get all fluffy, & his ears go up & he tries to play. My sweet boy.

 

Maji at the moment is passed out on the patio after an hour with a Coonhound. lol

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Sana ta the beach :)


Sana back, Kibo front


Sana


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Ugh. But I can feel the healing beginning. I almost didnt cry yesteday ... until I saw Maji licking inside Kibos ears, like Sana always did. But it was also a happy cry, knowing Sana left so much of himself to Maji. The ear cleaning, the 'walking' his brothers with a leash (he always grabbed Kibs leash to pull , & now Maji does that), the goofiness & the love of the water. Amongst other things Im seeing.

 

We spent the day beginning today with my sitting with Kibo, & a few tears, in the living room where Sana died. Later, I took Kibo & Maji to spend some time at the dog park, which always does my heart good.

 

Kibo really seems fine. I almost am upset with him (stupidly) b/c I feel like "how can he NOT miss Sana? His sidekick for 10 yrs?", but I would never WANT Kibo to hurt or grieve. Kibo has always been the more independant of the 2, & to be honest, if someone had to go 1st, its better for Sana that it was him, b/c he would likley be a basket case w/o his big brother. He was a MUCH needier pup than Kibo ever was.  & Kibo is doing great. In fact, as I type, he is outside chasing the hose spray that Averey is doing, & he is barking like crazy. Its one of his all time favorite things to do - crazy pup!

 

I came across some suprise pics today. Averey has a cell phone she rarely uses & it used to be mine. I opened it today & sure enough, i found like 8 pics of Sana, & Sana & Kibo, that I took a year ago & forgot about. What a nice suprise (as IF i didnt have enough pics! lol, for those who have seen my website). Anyway, I will put them on the site in the next couple of days.

 

Now I just dread the delivery of his ashes  :(   I know I dont have to make any decisions soon, but Im not sure what to do with them. I know we buried my moms dogs ashes in her coffin with her. I would want that for me, but thats a long way off - i hope! But I also want to possibly get one of those pieces of jewlery that I can put a bit of his ashes in. & i also feel like they need to be spread in his favorite places ... our beach at the end of our street, & "the field", a place we went all the time to run & swim. BUT, Im not sure how I feel about splitting up the ashes at all. You know, like only part of him would be left in the box???  Eventually once Kibo passes (PLEASE let it be a LONG time away!), I will mix their ashes so they are always together once again ... but until then, I dont know.

 

Anyway - so, we are hanging in there. It sucks, but I know he is in a better place & is whole & able to run & swim. THATS what matters.

 

	7945.1
	I just cant go get them. I dont know. I want them here with me, but Im afraid of how hard it will be  :(   I will wait a few days I think ... but then I think of him sitting there, when he should be with ME. Maybe I will go sooner.   Ive been thinking a lot about what to do with them. I want to keep them, yet I want to spread them in his 2 favorite places - the beach on our street where he LOVED to run & swim (it brings  smile to my face thinking about the CRAZY swimming & running he did ... I think I have vidoes I will try to find & post) & also the "field" we loved to run & swim in as well.  I think I will spread some of them in each place & keep the rest.  & when its Kibos time, I will mix the ashes together b/c The Boys should be together in eternity.   Someone sent me the link (she lives in CA) to "Pet Gems" & I googled it. They are a small company that takes a small amt of your pets ashes & makes a semi precious gem from them. I have a friend who is a jewler & I would take some family jewlery I still have, including my  Grammas ring & a pair of my moms earings ... melt it all down & set it in a ring for me. I would get either a yellow stone (for the Yellow Labs) or brown, for their beautiful eyes. But I dont want that ring ANYTIME SOON, b/c I will wait till its Kibos time so both Boys ashes can be included. The great thing is when i looked up the website, they are here IN RI! Very nearby me. Who would have known? So hopefully I can go there personally & get a feeling that they are legit or not. It worries me that maybe they DONT make the stone with your own pets ashes. That would be horrible, & I'd never ever know.   Today Maji again have me some smiles about Sana. He does 2 other things JUST like Sana - he brings you stuffed toys, or other things like Sana did. But the cutest is he tilts his head when you talk to him or he is interested in something ... he also watches TV like Sana did.  Today at the bank the lady was tlaking to Maji thru the speaker & he kept tilting his head back & forth, in total amazement, lol.  Sana used to tilt his head SO far he almost twisted upside down when the bank lady said his name thru the speaker. He cracked them up everytime. He was SO funny.   A video of Sana on the beach from march 09, a couple weeks b4 he was dx: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EkmR4hdpqA&NR=1 Heres Kibo on the beach, just at the end of chemo, March 09: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhycPVPgqmw&feature=related & Sanas 10th bday, April 27. Having some neck issues, he was stiff in this video, but doing ok: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uUdzDBkTHo&feature=related R~

Ive been too terrified to do it (although friends have offered, I want to do it myself). Im afraid I think of the finality of it, the proof. & even, & I know it probably sounds weird, Im so afraid of the weight of the ashes. How heavy will they be? How will it feel to hold the box in my hand? Im sure there will be many many tears  :(

 

Kibo is doing great. He is so frisky & he & Maji play & play & play - usually its while Kibo is lying down since his back end is weak from age, & arthritis, & cancer, & chemo - but he gets around pretty well. But he lies on the ground & Maji plays tug of war & Kibo barks & scolds him. Its very funny.  He remains in remission & has tons of energy & tons of spunk. He's a sweet guy & Im so grateful that the chemo did the trick ... I just am a BIT (understatement) terrified of him coming out of remission. Most dogs do somewhere b/w 4-18 months, average about 6-14 months. But hten again, I know of a few who never came out & stayed cancer free. I think we are due for some of THAT luck!

 

Kibo doesnt seem to be greiving at all for Sana  :(  & to be honest, that upsets me a little. Because Sana deserves to be missed. BUT, Maya told me today that maybe he isnt b/c he was with Sana when he was euthanised here at home. He laid right with Sana the whole time. Studies have shown other dogs do much better with a loss if they are able to see the body of their friend. So maybe Kibo just knows, & is ok. I hope so.

 

Ave & I are doing ok.  I still of course, have my tearful moments & I still cant go to the beach of the feild with Kibo & Maji, w/o Sana, b/c it was his favorite 2 places. But we will, in time. So, we spend a ton of time at the dog park - Lord Knows Maji NEEDS it! lol  FULL of energy, that one. But then he will pass out for hours on end. He's a really good boy.

 

Ok off to let the pups out for a midnite pee, b4 bedtime!

When you think of me,
>
> Know that I am not the same,
> Not the frail, old body
> That I too fast became
>
> Smile back on your mornings
> My young paws wet with dew
> Think not of the pained version
> Of the pup you once knew
>
> Please remember our good times
> Our fond romps in the park
> Not the day I lay dying
> And my world became dark
>
> And at times when you are grieving
> In those moments of hurt
> Do replace tears with memories
> Of when I was alert
>
> Please remember my soft eyes
> And my sweet, loving lick
> Not the hazy, lost moments
> After I became sick
>
> When sad times are upon you
> And your tears start to flow
> Know I am not the confused dog
> That you grew to know
>
> When you lie dreaming
> Let your dreams be not blue
> Dare not dream of the frail dog
> Whose earth years seemed so few
>
> May your dream paint you rainbows
> And bright bridges of gold
> And show you, my dear,
> That I am no longer old
>
> May your rest bring you wisdom
> May you wake without care
> Grieving not for my loss but
> Knowing I am still there
>
> I'll be in puppy kisses
> And in walks in the park
> And right there beside you
> On your bed in the dark
>
> And those times you are smelling
> A sweet, dew-covered rose
> Eyes closed, feel the soft brush
> Of a little, wet nose.
>
> Whether you are in sunshine
> Or alone in the dark
> When the gentle wind whispers
> You just might hear my bark
>
> If at times you might feel
> Gentle taps on your knee
> Please don't let this alarm you
> It's most probably me
>
> Though you no longer see me
> Nor can you touch my soft hair
> In a way that you know not
> I will always be there
>
> Please do know I've not left you
> We were paired from the start
> I will be with you always
> Cuddled deep in your heart
>
> Love spans all horizons so
> Let your sad heart not harden
> I romp and I'm whole again,
> In a bright rainbow garden
>
> One fine day you will join me
> We'll run fast in a green field
> When you come to the gateway
> And, like I, you are healed
>
> And till that joyous reunion
> When I lick your sweet face
> Know I'm playing in rainbows
> And I'm saving your place
>
> So tonight as you lie back
> Settled down in your bed
> Know I'm not gone,
> I've just gone on ahead.

but maybe I didnt. So I will cut & paste what I wrote on the cancer support group board:

 

I finally got the nerve to go get his ashes. RARELY are all my favorite vet techs there at the same time b/c usually they are in surgery, or at the other site. When I went in on a whim this morning, Lindsey was there, not downstairs in surgery where she usually is, she was the one did all Kibos chemos, & who was with us when Sana was euthanized. & Jackie & her husband Brendan were there. Brendan fell in love with Sana way back in 2005 when Sana had his 1st 3 MAST cells removed & he was the surgical tech then. He left a while ago to work elsewhere, but married jackie & just recently came back. Im so sad that he didnt get to see Sana again recently though. He had emailed me when he heard (from his wife, he wasnt back working at the vets yet) of Sanas illness in April & said he'd love to come visit him sometime. We said that would be great ... but we never made the plans  :(  & now Sana is gone. That makes me so sad. But Brendan remebers Sana's goofy self. Jackie spent the nite at my house one nite when Kibo was so ill & I had to go to work. When I got there, I got a huge hug from jackie, & one from Linds. Actually, Linds offered to deliver Sana to my home, but I was ok going in. Then Brendan & Jackie went out to see Kibo & Maji in the car & Jackie came in soaked of lab spit & kisses  :)

 

The box was BIG. Wow. The only other pets ashes I have are my cat Paka's, so I was a bit taken aback. But I was ok while I was there. There must have been 7 staff there, chatting with me. Lots of laughing about Maji our Giant pup & Kibo who's whole side is covered in white paint b/c he "helped" me paint the other day. & some nice words about our Sana of course. Its amazing how I can feel how much these people love my dogs. It means the world to me.

 

About 5' of driving home & I had to pull over. I had to open the box. I did & found a beautiful mahogany wooden box. The card from the crematorium, the Rainbow Bridge poem & the certificate with Sanas name threw me over the edge. I sobbed. & sobbed. Holding the box. Maji was very concerened, reaching in the front seat to lick my tears. (Kibo just snored, lol)   After a few minutes, I felt the need to open the box. I had seen my cat Pakas ashes, so I knew what to expect. But Sanas bag of ashes inside the box was very big. I dont know, maybe it would fill a 1/2 gallon? he was almost 80#. I needed to touch it to be close to him. I held my hands on the outside of the bag (which was clear) & spoke to him & sobbed some more. & I felt better after.

 

We then went to spend a couple hours with Lisa, Kobis mom & her pups.

 

I now have a sense of releif he is back with us. The box is now with his collar & his footprints I made that last weekend. When I get the strength, I definatly will spread some of his ashes at his favorite beach & feild. I spend hunderds of days a year on that beach, all year round, so he will always be there with me. I will then wait till its Kibos time to go, & mix their ashes together, after I spread some of Kibos in the same places. & I will have the stone made by Pet Gems that was suggested. I spoke to the man this AM & he was wonderful. He said he hopes its MANY years b4 I contact him, b/c he hoped I had many years left with Kibo. Me too.  He explained that he raised Brittany Spaniels for many years. He is a metal worker & knows that metal changes colors & concentrations of stones. His son is a jewler. So he said that years back they realzied that Zircon (a real stone, NOT cubic zirconia) changed properties to beautiful gems when heates & mixed with carbon & something else he said, which are in ashes & remains. So thats how they ended up doing these Pet Gems.

 

So, thank God that step is over. It does get easier each day, but man do I miss him SO SO much.

 

 

What a mix of emotions. Sunday, July 5 was Kibo's 12th bday, but also the month anniversary of Sana leaving us.  So sad that my Boy has been gone 4 weeks. 4 long, very long weeks :(

Yet, we were totally rejoicing because Kibo is with us & happy & doing SO WELL! If he hadnt gotten his chemo, after his dx on 12/30/08, he woudlnt be here today, looking so happy & frisky .

I didnt post that day because we had been away the weekend, then I had to go out of town again, but he had a great birthday! We went for a walk - he LOVES to walk - unfortunatly his arthitis doesnt allow him to go more than 3 blocks or so - & on the way back he lays down to rest quite a bit. OR ... he is just being stubborn b/c he hates when we turn around to go back!  ;)   Im beginning a holistic arthritis tx for him thats made from the velvet covering of elk antlers. What WILL they think of next? But its supposed to be great for arthritis. Its worth a shot anyway.

 

He had a big old cupcake, as did Maji. We bought it specially for him while on vacation with family in Rockport, MA this past weekend. I missed Sana at the bday party  :(   But maybe, maybe ... Sana sent me a tiny sign that nite? One thing my X-Husband used to call Sana was "Pillow King" b/c he always, ALWAYS, somehow, found something to use as a pillow. Maji has MANY of Sanas qualities. He is much more like Sana than Kibo. (Kibo & Sana were VERY different personalities)  Maji definatly has that Goofy Sana way. Anyway, I have never seem Maji do this, but that nite he came inside, wandered into his crate, then back out, walked around a while & then found my daughters pillow on the floor & got snuggled right on top of it. It may be a coincidence, but who knows? Maybe it was Sana's way of telling me he is here in spirit. I know he is, whether he sends me a sign, or not.

 

Im posting lots of recent photos - & notice his fur is almost completely grown back on his chemo spots on his front legs  :)

LOVE Kibos paws
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& that stupid face when he scratches :)
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The snarl (pretend at Maji) is TOO funny!
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Terrifying, lol
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Look at them holding paws
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Maji the Goon
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Birthday!
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Maji got one too
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More please!
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Kibo dropped his onto the couch!
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Celebration tug-of-war with a shoe
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Kibo bottom
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LOVE his old man spotted belly :)
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Kibo running
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Maji left, Kibo right
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Paws just about healed from chemo shaving
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Sweet boy!
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Look at that freckle!
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1st day at the beach without our Sana :(
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Maji print ... NOT a bear claw!
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Handsome boys. Kibo left. Maji right.
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Maji print left, Kibo print right. YIKES!
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Holistic vet appt. Ave & Kibo
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Getting his accupuncture needles out
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But man oh man ... I havent signed onto this site in a bit, & the loss of Sana just hit me like a ton of bricks.  I have such guilt sometimes, that Jan - April was so focused on Kibo - until Mid-april when Sana was dx. I know its stupid, Kibo needed me 100%, & Sana of course, as well as Maji, probably saw no difference in love & care, but I just had NO clue Sana would leave us so soon.  Looking thru the photos of his beautiful adorable white face, of him lying on his back with his legs in the air & his lips flopped open, & of his lying all over Kibo, or enjoying a run - still put me into tears & a lump in my throat. Its been 6 weeks. I miss him so so so much. Its not fair  :(  I want him back.

 

Kibo is doing very well. Im a tad bit concerned about a small odd soft lump on his leg. Its veyr small, & very soft - looks like some sort of old age spot, but Dr. Wirth will see him Thurs to check it out. I also feel better after he's had a full lymph node check by teh vet as well. Although its agonizing & terrifying that he may find something to tell me Kibo is out of remission. My heart had broken so many times the past month over dogs on some of the cancer forums Ive been on. None of them deserve it, nor do their owners, but the young ones are agonizing. Lucy was just 4. Bear ... so many, age 3,4, 6. Anyway, Kibo remains frisky & happy. He's been a little whiney lately, off for him - & I pray it isnt a painful whine due to arthritis. I honestly think its more of an "antsy" whine. But I do have some Metformin, for pain for him , in case. Ive never used it b4, but I will start if I think he needs it. The reason I dont think its pain is that he still jumps up ANYtime he thinks he may get a scrap of food, lol. & he is pretty spunky. As spunky as he can be with a bad elbow & bad hips! & at the dog park, he runs (HIS kind of run, lol) for tennis balls or soccer balls. If he was in pain, Id think he wouldnt do that. He HAS slowed down a lot the past few motnhs. He lies down more often when playing - but I guess thats to be expected at age 12, in remission, & its hot out!  He's a good boy - even IF he steals food like crazy!  ;)

Im praying its not anything cancer related. I noticed a very soft, dime sized growth on Kibos left back leg. No where near lymph nodes. I seems VERY much just like an old man spot, like a mole. I had an appt for the vet to see it at 5pm today. but when I woke this AM, Kibo coudlnt walk on that back left leg. I do NOT think its related to the mole thing, but my assumption is somehow overnite he twisted his ankle or leg. Its really hard on him b/c he is weak in his back end, & trying to walk on that one back right leg is too hard for him, he can barely get around. AND he has explosive diarrhea  :(  

The thing though that is really scaring me is that although mostly he keeps the leg up as a dog would with a sore foot/leg, at a couple points today it dragged, buckeled under ... JUST like Sanas did when his downfall began. My heart literally lurched when I saw that. Almost like a PTSD ... please dont let this be happening again. He is in remission from Lymphoma, & I cant imagine this is neurological with his leg. But now I am terrified.

I did give him some Metformin pain med which Ive never had to give him b4. Have it on hand for his arthritis. Hopefully that helps some.

We have an appt at 3pm today. Please pray its a simple twisted leg & its NOT cancer related.

I will update after the vet today.

Phew! I think.

 

1st off, VERY scary. That "old man spot" was according to my vet "very suspicious". He was thinking MAST cell cancer. What killed my Sana! I about dropped dead right there. He aspirated it & while he went to look at the slide, & prayed to Sana & to God to let it be negative - & thankfully they can see MAST cells very clearly if its it - & it WASNT. PHEW! He told me to just keep an eye on it but MAST cells can be seem very definatively & he saw NONE  :)  I cannot IMAGINE the state I would be in right now had it been MAST cell.

 

The diarrhea he prescribed Flagyl for, & is running a stool cx. Likely not an issue at all.

 

The lame leg: It is looking better now. Maybe the Metformin is helping. It COULD be devestating, but we think its not.  He said there are 3 possibilities:

1, he twisted it like i thought

2, arthritic/spinal degeneration

3, Lymphoma in his spine &/or nervous system.

 

After much discussion, he assured me that #3 is the LEAST likley "very low on the list", but possible. & the only way we will know is if he continues to lose function of the leg. I asked about testing for it if we got to that point, & what we would do, chemo? etc. He told me that if it ended up that it was Lymphoma in his spine, we really woudlnt have many options at that point.  I guess i knew that, but needed to hear it for sure. But thankfully, we do NOT think it is.

 

Especially b/c he is actually (of course! now that we saw the vet!) walking MUCH better using that leg now. So Im praying thats all it was - a twisted leg or ankle & the metformin is helping. I guess I will know for sure & be able to breath a BIG sig of releif in a few days time.

 

Thank you for your prayers! I was a WRECK!!! He is walking much better tonite. Not perfectly, but if that foot is on the mend & gets much better, then we are out of the woods.

It hits me at the oddest times - he's GONE  :(

 

Im here at work, its 3:03 AM & I was writing on a forum where my signature has a link to this site. I felt like I wanted to see Sana's face, but as I clicked over, I got that knot in my throat & tears in my eyes. Im too scared to look at all the pictures. It seems so odd to me that I can be sitting here crying, almost 7 weeks later - but of course its not odd, b/c a HUGE part of our life is gone. I know that we have SO many videos - I cant wait for the day it brings more joy than sadness to watch them - b/c I want to see him so badly. I remember the 1st time I mistakenly saw my mom, & heard her voice, after she died, when we were watching a video of Ave a few years back. It literally took my breath away. But once I got over the shock, I spent hours looking thru other videos to find just even one second of her voice or her face  :( 

 

Poor Averey. Doesnt like Sundays now b/c Sana died on a Sunday. On some Sat eves she gets anxious, worrying about Kibo for the next day. She wont let me take her to IHOP, b/c she had had breakfast there that day. She wont wear the dress she had on when Sana died. She had a memory like a steel trap, & she remembers every detail. I have videos of her on that morning, with Sana. I knew she was saying good-bye for good, she didnt. But some day we can watch all the videos, & look at all the photos, & remember him with ALL smiles, instead of the mixture of smiles & tears.

 

Scares me to death that one day we will be missing Kibo like this as well. but so far, he's doing really really well. Thank God.

He has had such a great few days. We went to CT to see family. We were at a friends pool, & i could NOT keep him out of it! (uh ... lets not mention the Koi pond I found BOTH Maji (all 100# of him) & Kibo lounging in. Eeeek!)   He kept jumping in off the stairs & just swimming & swimming. It was TOO TOO cute. Also, he & Maji put on quite a show for Auntie Sonia. lol   Kibo lies on the grass & Maji runs like a banshee around him, & Kibo snarls & growls (all play, but looks vicous) & they bark & growl at eachother. She also was treated to Kibos lying on his back after swimming, & wiggling & barking, he just gets SO excited. Sonia took lots of pictures, so I will get them posted here ASAP.  :)

Now lets see if this works!

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Ave & Kibo
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Kibo sleeping in his favorite Patio Spot!
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Sorry I woke you Buddy!
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Yet ANOTHER great check up for my Kibo!
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Maji, Bat Dog.
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Zuri asleep in my window box :)
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Maji
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Maji doing what Sana taught him :)
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Kibo in the car
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Ave going to get Mr. Stubborn Kibo who woudlnt come in the house!
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Maji makes me laugh every day!
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Goon!
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Ave & Kibo
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My nephew Tripp, & Kibo xxxooo
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Frisky Kibo on Grampas couch (Oooh!)
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Kisses for Mommy from MajiMan
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Maji eating Seagull feathers, lol
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Maji JUST learned to lift his leg!
He DID knock himself OVER a couple times in the 1st few days though ... Kibo laughed at him! lol

Maji watching horses
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My almost 1 yr old ! Maji.
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Kibo waiting for accupuncture & chiro :)
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Taking a rest while on a long walk (Kibo)
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Maji & his Brain Bump
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Kibo wasnt letting that ball get away!
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If its a soccer ball, he MUST HAVE IT!!!
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Maji sunning himself.
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Kibo
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Kibo's paw, covered in ice cream!
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Oh Maji ... dog park MUD!
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I made him get in a CLEAN puddle b4 we left :)
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Zuri being loved on by Maji. Ha!
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Maji uses Kibo like a pillow ...Just like Sana did!
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Thunder was diagnosed just before Kibo. He lost his remission & wasnt able to fight any longer. Godspeed Thunder. & all our other lost pups. My heart breaks everytime we lose another.  & of course its too close to home, knowing Thunder & Kibo were on the same path for a while.

 

Kibo DID give Averey & I the hardest laugh though today!  He didnt want to get into the car. He doesnt like being lifted in. So he literally HID behind a tree! He stood facing us, but kept only peeking around the tree trunk, & when he saw me, he would tuck his head back behind the tree. TOO FUNNY!

 

Maji & Kibo both have had lots of trips to the beach, the dog park, & to Auntie Lisas pool. Its been a fun summer & Kibo still loves lying on the patio at home. Im SO SO grateful he's doing so well!

TOO MANY are being lost, or going downhill. Its been a really bad week.

 

Remember the medication Kibo got for his chemo, was Doxirubicin/Adriamycin. Well, its a VERY strong drug & there is a lifetime max that a dog can get, before its very risky, b/c it can cause Cardiac Toxicity. When Kibo had the very bad reaction to it on his 2nd of 5 doses, he was to get a lowered dose his next round. When I brought him in for round #3, I had bands on his legs, where they would start the chemo IV, to remind them to "Lower my dose!" ... I felt kind of stupid doing it, but being a nurse, I know humans can & DO make mistakes.

 

Well, it happened to a friend from the board. Her sweet dog Hunter was just in a 2nd remission, when the vet mistakenly gave her 1 too many doses of the Doxi. It was terryifing for her owner Aimee, but, so far, all tests have been fine. Its been maybe 6 weeks, & suddenly the past 2 days, Hunter had been having bizzare seizure like/fainting episodes. She just posted .... her poor baby was dx with Dialated Cardiac Myopathy - Adriamycin Toxicity. Its from that extra dose of Doxi by the vet, who admits her wrong doing. Its a death sentence for her pup. & to make it even more devestating ?  Theres not a sign of cancer to be found. Here is a part of her post:

 

"Her fainting episodes while brief, are most likely due to cardiac arrythmias from the damage.

If it progresses, things look pretty grim. My vet looked me in the eye and told me it was her

fault, 100%, for giving Hunter that last dose without checking her chart. She is "writing off"
the cardiac costs and any meds necessary, but I could hardly give a crap. They
sedated her and put a holter monitor under her skin so when she has an episode I
can push a button. Whoop de doo. From the 5 minutes I spent looking into this on
line, I know it is a death sentence for my girl. The dog who is so energetic
(crazy wild child is more like it) and full of life can now look forward to
collapse or sudden death every time she gets excited. But not a single sign of
cancer in her entire body. Should I feel happy about that? I don't tonight....I
only feel anger at how unfair life has been to my sweet little love. I am so
hurt. I would urge all of you, don't take for granted your vet is on top of
their game. Stick your nose in your dogs chart, speak LOUDLY when you need to,
question everything. It's your right; it's your dog. Thanks for listening...off
to cry some more."

 

Please say a prayer for a miricale for Hunter, that this doesnt progress & she lives out her life

as she is meant too.

 

We are out of state visiting my brother. I took the dogs down to this "Hollow" that has a nice wide stream. Its not deeper than I am tall, (maybe up to my shoudlers, maybe - its hard to tell) but its fairly wide, maybe 60 ft across. Last time we were there was the spring, & Sana was with us  :(   I remember we left Kibo at my brothers b/c he was just finishing chemo & playing out there would be too much for him, but Maji & Sana swam & loved it. No problems.

Well, I never knew there was a current!  My dogs wont run off, so they are usually off leash. But today thank GOD, i had them on leash, but running free.  The edge of the stream is steep (maybe 15 ft) & mostly rocky. I was going to find a sandy spot for them to get in, b/c Kibo is really doing well & strong, btu he IS an old dog, 12.5.

Well, Maji, being 1 yr old & 98#, thought nothing of running down the rocks to go swimming. We live on the ocean, so he loves it. I thought nothing either ... till I saw him being swept fairly rapidly DOWNSTREAM & he kept turning & trying to swim back. He did it, but it wasnt easy at all for him. I was just about to go in as far as I could to try to grab his leash, but he got himself back up.

& THEN! .... Kibo, who also loves to swim, barreled down & jumped in! & immedietly starting moving, fast & struggling to swim back to me. He did get himself sort of steady for a bit by swimming sideways, so he was more going in circles, but I coudlnt get to him. Then he really began to be carried away by the current (which again, did not show AT all until there was somehting or someone , in the water!).  I was alone & afriad to jump in myself b/c of the current! I was hoping Maji, who jumped in again after Kibo, could grab Kibos leash which was still attached, & somehow pull him, but he didnt. Maji got himself out while I was running along the rocks down river- the river & kibo on my right, trees on my left.

I kept grabbing onto trees with my left hand to keep from sliding in & trying to reach for Kibo wiht my right. Thankfully he was strong enough he kept ALMOST getting to the rocks I was running along, but then he would get swept back out! FINALLY I got a hold of his leash ... i was very close to just jumping all the way in (I was already up to my thighs), but once I had his leash, I could drag him (as he swam) close to the edge until we would get to a spot flat enough for him to climb out.

UGH! I was shaking & terrified afterwards! It was probably only 2 minutes total, but it felt like an eternity!

I think his Angel brother Sana was watching over him. Had he done under &/or gotten exhuasted, I dont think I could have saved my Boy!

 

....  saying LOTS of thank you prayers tonite!

R.I.P. Rocco ... another Brave Brave doggie, lost to Lymphoma, much much too soon.  Godspeed Rocco. Run free.

Im too exhausted to write it all out - i worked all nite & came home this AM. Im cutting & pasting from FB responses, & will continue to update here as the news comes in. PLEASE let it be good news, PLEASE.

***********************************************************************

NONONONO! I think Kibo is out of remission!!! :( He just got up for the 1st time today & he was limping badly on his back leg. I think i feel a HUGE lymph node on the back of his leg. I cant feel the ones in his neck, but i think I feel the o...nes in his armpits. Im waiting to hear if I can see the vet earlier than 3:15 today. PLEASE let it not be lymphoma again! Trying REALLY hard to hide my fear from Ave :(

 

My regular fav vet is in surgery all day. Im praying he can get me in today otherwise we see his partner at 3:30. But she doenst know Kibo or his lymph nodes at all. Im terrified b/c too many times I see one of the cancer dogs in remission ... & in days, DAYS, they go downhill & are gone. It cant be this soon. I think he's a good candidate ... for a rescue chemo protocol - which tends to give you about 1/2 the remission time the 2nd time around. His 1st remission, if its over, was 8 months. But Im hoping its some swellng from a leg injury instead. PLEASE let it be. Averey is a wreck every day as it is - ANY little thing she worries & questions it. Like if I dont have the dogs with me when I pick her up somewhere, immedietly she says "Is Kibo ok?" Ugh. She has no clue Im worried now though. Thankfully. Other than the limping & swelling, & some diarrhea, he is his old self, frisky & eating. Shit Im scared. Its not been long enough since Sana :(

 

NO LYMPHOMA! It was a twisted leg/hip which is already feeling much better - & the lump I felt was a fatty tumor, of which, if you know him, he has many. He is FINE!!!! Sorry I freaked out. & freaked all of YOU out! lol
Phew!  I am SO SO SO GRATEFUL & RELIEVED!!!!!  Go Kibo GO!!!!!!!!!!!

maybe it because being Sept 11th, its such a somber day. & remembering all the loss people have suffered.

 

I just went to feed Kibo & Maji, & as i picked up the food bowls, i had a flashback of Sana's crazy way of bringing me his food bowl to eat. He ALSO brought the bowl to ANYone who came to the door ... mailman, pizza guy, visitor ... that Boy sure brought a lot of smiles to our faces. Today would have been THE perfect day to have Sana here. He was THE best snuggler. He'd be in bed with me after my working all nite, snuggling right up along side me, & he never snored, moved or got up. He loved to lay with his Mom. I miss him so much. Its been just over 3 months. Some days it seems like yesterday he laid here in my arms, & other days, it seems so very long ago.

 

This was also the 1st year of school ever, that Sana wasnt here for Averey to have her yearly photo taken with  :(   Her birthday buddy.

 

Run free my Sweet Boy. & know you are still SO very loved, & never forgotten. I also know you are sending angel kisses to keep your big brother Kibo healthy, for as long as you can. Thank you. xo

& what a life it IS  :)   He is doing SO wonderfully. His back legs are getting a little weaker with age & he's a bit wobbly, but it MOST certainly doenst keep him down. He still loves the beach & dog park (have to drag him off both places when its time to go or bribe him with a cookie) & his hearing is very very poor - but he couldnt be any happier or feeling any better, considering that 8 months ago, I thought my Boy had 6 weeks left with us.

 

I prayed SO hard he could be with us ONE MORE SUMMER, to do the things he loves best: the beach, walking behind me as I mowed the lawn, & lying in the sun, on our patio. Well, he has surpassed all of that & I am so very very grateful - to God, to my wonderful vets, to the Magic Bullet Fund & to everyone who supported us both emotionally & finanically. & Im grateful to Sana, his angel brother, who I know is looking down, protecting Kibo.  & Im grateful to Maji, the crazy pup, for keeping Kibo such wonderful company & keeping all our spirits up!  :)

Kibo snoozing
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God i love those soft black lips!
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Huh? What? Did someone say something???
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Maji
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Maji Man
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Thirsty Maji
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Lots of visitors!!! Kibo left
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Averey & Maji Sept 09
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Kibo sept 09
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Muddy Maji
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I was just answering a post on a dog cancer board when someone wrote how they read my blog & Sana seemed like such a "good guy".  This was my response:

He WAS such a "good guy". I was thinking about him today (whats new?) at the dog park. Maji was being picked on. Even though Sana was 10, with that neuro issue, if someone picked on HIS puppy - he woudl get right in b/w Maji & the other dog, & bristle up, & give a growl to the other dog. & about 4 yrs ago, a friend was staying w/ us & her Pug had puppies. I swear, Sana thought they were HIS puppies. He stood outside the welping box the 1st nite & growled (he NEVER groweled) at anyone ... inclduing Mamma dog! lol ... who tried to come near the pups! He was  such a funny guy. God I miss him like CRAZY!!!

We have barely been able to breathe b/w Kibo finsihing chemo in April, Sana being dx 4 days later, & losing Sana in June. Its too soon. I know it will NEVER be "time" in my book, but we NEED more time!  I know its NEVER enough time though.

 

Im particularly concerned for Averey. I was just talking with my aunt & uncle on the weekend about her having been thru so much in her last 4 yrs. Losing her Gramma, my mom, then me & her dad divorcing & her losing contact with him b/c he isnt allowed visitation the past year, her Grampa on her Dads side & then her Gramma on her Dads side, passed away all in the past year - then Sana in June. She is SUCH a wreck everytime Kibo so much as coughs. She is constanly asking if he is ok, of if the cancer is back. Life is so hard for kids  :(

 

So ... yes, Kibo is out of remission. The Lymphoma is back. Most of his lymph nodes are inflamed. A big concern is this VERY deep gagging cough he has once & a while, mostly after drinking water. The Holistic vet was very worried it could be large internal lymph nodes pressing on his trachea, or his lungs filled with Lymphoma tumors. On the other hand, Dr. Wirth my regular vet who does the chemo, wasnt TOO convinced thats it. He said many old dogs (kibo is 12) have relaxed tracheas & that can cause that as well. But we will do a chest xray to be sure.

 

The plan isnt laid out yet, but I will try a rescue protocol. For those who dont know what that is, its a 2nd round of chemo, after the 1st remission ends. The Doxi protocol he was on tends to give appx 8-14 months of remission, more like 8-9 months, & we are right in that time frame. Typically, 2nd remissions, IF gained, last about 1/2 of the 1st remission. So, if we go by stats & the books, we may be looking at less than 6 months, or less. On the other hand, I have to remember that those are just stats. Kibo is Kibo. Many dogs do much worse .... but many do MUCH better. I will keep on the hope that Kibo will be one of the lucky ones who's 2nd remissions are better & longer than the 1st.

 

Keeping this all in perspective - I've watched, in the communities of dog owners with dogs with cancer, people lose YOUNG dogs to this beast of a disease. As young as 18 months. So I am VERY grateful for having my Boy for 12 years, & for eeking out at least this past very happy, healthy, joyful 8 months for him. If I didnt do chemo in Jan, he would have been gone long ago. For that I am grateful beyond words. BUT, I cant give up on him yet - because HE still wants to fight. He is frisky & happy & enjoys his life. When I see that change, then I will let him go & let nature take its course. But ... NOT NOW, & NOT WITHOUT A FIGHT.

 

The plan will be in a couple of days, we will have the chest xray done on him. Praying it doesnt show he is full of cancer metastized to the lungs - if so, then Im not sure where, if anywhere, we would go from there. He will then get L-spar. Its a one time chemo drug that often (& it worked well for him the 1st time) can put them into remission right away - then you do the chemo protocol following that, to KEEP them in remission. Dr. Wirth is looking into the best choice  - he will either get Vincistine & Cytoxin, or he will get CCNU. All choices will be chemo appx every 2 weeks, IV. Hopefully he will do as well with these drugs as he did with the last one (except for the one incident on the 2nd dose where we came very close to losing him). He cannot do the Doxirubicin again b/c 1, there is a lifetime dose of that med & it can cause heart issues if you go over the lifetime dosage &  2, usually the body becomes immune to the med already used, so you have to try a new one. Which *is* scary. I dont like the unknown. But we have to try.

 

I wonder if Kibo "knew" something was going on. He has been VERY clingy lately. Thats the only thing out of the ordinary for him. I cannot leave the room without his barking consistently, for me to come back.

 

So, thats it. We will know in a couple of days what the plan is. & in the meantime, he will continue on all the Holistic herbs & meds, & single needle accupuncture for the cancer. I am praying that I am sitting here typing NEXT SPRING how wonderful Kibo is doing. Please keep him in your prayers & thoughts.

 

Thanks, Rebecca

1st off, just this past couple weeks, in honor of Sana, & in celebration of Kibos 8 months of remission, I was finally feeling "safe" enough to donate small amounts of money to dogs in need of chemo, because I know the feeling of panicking that you may not be able to afford the lifesaving treatment you may need. In doing that, I was speaking with Laurie Kaplan, author of "Help Your Dog Fight Cancer" & head of the Magic Bullet Fund - which is the fund that assisted in some of the payment for Kibos last round of chemo. She had contacted me a few days ago about putting Kibo in the MBF 2010 Brave Spirits Calendar, of MBF pups who have fought cancer. Then she asked me if she could put a blurb in the MBF's newletter about Kibo, & now my "giving back" to pups in need. She said thats how she would like the fund to work, at its best.

 

My part of the conversation was:

"I always wish I could do more to help the pups in need now. I privately have sent donations to 2 other dogs as well as the MBF pups, but mostly want to focus on MBF when I can - I just wish it were more! But *I* know, if anyone does, that every little bit helps!

Just talked to my vet. He'd like to do Lspar with CCNU (tomorrow), & then Pred all along. Then in 3 weeks, another Lspar, & CCNU. Then continue with just Pred & CCNU (all orally, YEY! I can hide it a bit longer from Averey - no tell tale shaved IV spots, not major trips to the vet except for bloodwork, & less expensive than the big IV meds). We will do a chest Xray as well tomorrow. & Im pretty confident the xray will be ok.

 

He felt we should save the bigger guns of Vincristine & Cytoxin for if this CCNU doesnt work ... or God forbid, down the road, we have to try for a 3rd remission.

 

Im very comfortable with this. As much as I can be I guess.

 

Thanks SO much for all your thoughts. His nodes arent any bigger right now, so that makes me happy as well. Not to mention he is as frisky as ever. 

 

R~ (Holding my breath. & PLEASE let that chest xray be clear!!!)

Hey everyone - PHEW! chest xray is CLEAR as a BELL  :)  Nothing in the lungs & his internal nodes all look completely normal. He sees no signs of the lymphoma metastasizing internally.

 

The only thing he noticed was a narrowing of his trachea & he said its about 1/2 the dilation he would expect, BUT, it could have been there all along in his life, with no issues & now this cough thing is just the "old man cough" some dogs get. He has no issue with eating, THATS for sure. So its pretty much a non issue unless it gets worse.

 

He got his shot of Lspar today, & began 40mg a day of Prednisone.  The CCNU wont be in my pharm till Monday, so that will wait. His nodes ARE bigger than a few days ago,  but not horrible. He said the ones in his neck are about an inch in diameter. Then he will get CCNU & Lspar again in 3 weeks. Then 3 more doses of CCNU, 3 weeks each apart. His Pred will stay at 40mg day if he tolerates it. He did last time. I am concerned b/c my Holistic vet is VERY against the Pred at all, never mind at the same dose, all treatment. She says all the dogs she has on chemo, ALL the oncos taper the Pred off at some point during treatment. But I do trust Dr. Wirth implicitly, so I hope its the right thing to do wiht the Pred.

 

The stuff I DIDNT want to hear ... & again ... its just stats & all dogs have different results ... was:  "About 50% of dogs respond to the 2nd try for remission. & the CCNU remission is about 2-3 months long, on average".  (he also said if this CCNU doesnt work, then we woudl try something else)

 

Im just not listening to that. Kibo WILL do well. & BETTER than that.

 

It was bittersweet being back there at the vets today for the reason we were there. We were there so often with his 1st tx, for chemo & bloodwork - then when they saved his life when he was septic after chemo #2. Then of course .. Sana this summer. & now, Kibo again.  He got to see his favorite old friends, Lindsey, Jackie, Brendan & Maya ... so that was good. Jackie & Maya have a hard time not kissing him - & Jackie had cookies for him, so as far as HE was concerned, it was a great day!

 

Someone just told me about CCNUthe chemo by mouth Im supposed to start Kibo on tonite) almost killing her dog b/c his blood count (WBC) dropped so badly the 2nd dose. I know it can attack bone marrow. Im really quite scared to start his meds tonite. Sana had about 2 doses of it & did fine. But I know all dogs are different.

 

Im holding his dose off until later tonite. Im also calling Laurie from MBF as Kibo is a MBF doggie. She has seen many MANY dogs go thru chemo & i think she will help ease my fears, or help me make a decision.  Conversely, our other chemo option is Vincristine & Cytoxin, but its much more expensive & I am not sure I can swing it. I want ot get her opinion on one over the other.

 

Also, I cant go into details now as Im on way to pick up Kibos antibiotic (to try to help his WBC's not count), but she is SO SO SO anxious about the dogs. Often we come into hte driveway & she has me go check 1st, "to be sure Kibo is ok". Or she gets really nervous if I go pick her up somewhere & dont have the dogs like i usually do. She wont go to the breakfast place she had eaten at the day Sana died. She is SO afraid she will come home to Kibo gone, like she did Sana. AND, she doesnt even know he is out of remission right now. Somoene mistakenly mentioned my vet appt (generally) the other day in front of her & she freaked out. Crying, begging me Kibo is ok, he;s not sick again, etc etc. I told her we were just getting bloodwork to check on his cancer, "b/c we know it can, & likely will come back" & she covered her ears crying. Im starting to try to figure out what to do here. Do i tell her he's sick again? Shes SO smart & intuitive & sensitive. I really cant lie to her. & Im thinking down the road, when its Kibos time .... how the heck will that go? Do I include her? Do i exclude her, only for her to then double her fears? I just dont know. I made an appt with her old counselor today, for me to discuss all this - & then last nite she had SUCH a meltdown at bedtime. Truly terrified something would happen to one of us, or the dogs, if she went to sleep. & then that people would break in & hurt us, etc etc. UGH. My poor baby.

 

he's been on Pred  now since Friday. He was on this his last chemo & was fine. He then got Lspar on Fri, & he had that b4 as well. The new thing is the CCNU, he got the 2 pills about 4 hrs ago.

The 1st odd thing was he was lying on the couch with me the past hour, & he kept looking up at the sliding door, as if someone was coming in. Not barking or growling, btu very "interested" in it.

But other than that, he ate, played a bit a while ago, nothing different (although that was all prior to staring at the door).

Now, i just went to let him out & he was acting odd. Sort of wobbly (well, wobblier than usual with his arthitis & limp), but almost like he was having trouble seeing, or was confused. He backed up a couple times from the step, as if it looked funny to him. & then same with going up the one step to the yard to pee/poop. He backed up a couple times, then jumped up the step & sort of wandered confused seeming, then went left, & switched right - like weeving for a minute.

 

Same thing back in. But it seemed more like a vision issue, than a wobbly issue - it was like he was dodgeing something he "saw" (that wasnt there).

 

Then he came in to get water, but didnt really drink it. Wonder if its already appetite suppression or nausea? he didnt get pretreated for nausea b/c I didnt think the CCNU would do that, like the IV chemo does  ---- Oh yeah, AS i am typing, he is back at his water bowl, keeps going to drink & seems to just not be able to see it maybe, like his depth perception is off - or actually get any down once he gets it to his mouth. He must be nauseaus. Damn! WHY didnt I ask about pretreating for nausea???? --- but now I just offerd him some food & he scoffed it up (just a few kibble). But he keeps going back to the water bowl, as if trying to drink (poor baby, hte Pred makes him thirsty!) but he cant do it. As soon as his lips touch it he backs up, then keeps circling the bowl trying, as if from another angle it will work. Shoot. WHAT is going on??? & he IS wobbly. Not horribly so, but definatly his gait is off.

 

Add to that he has diarrhea (he needs to stay hydrated!). Ugh. Its gonna be a long nite. Looks like Mommy will be sleeping on the couch near him tonite.

 

Will call vet in AM if it continues.  Here we go .... it was a great 8 months of remission, & 6 months of no chemo, lemme tell ya  :(

 

I was up, of course, like 5X all nite, he went out to pee a couple times, & he is more steady. But best of all he drank a lot of water this morning. BUT, he seems only "able" to drink from the big metal pan outside, NOT the usual plastic bowl inside. I almost wonder if the plastic smell is turning his stomach or something. You know how wiht the chemo weird things happen with smell & taste (eg: b4 cancer, Kibo LOVED strawberries. Now, even when in remission all those months, he wont touch them).

So, he does seem ok today - thankfully. But i will certainly be calling my vet to report what went on.

 

He had a fun trip to Petco last nite (we left naughty Maji at home for 2 reasons ... 1, to give Kibo some special alone time w/ us, & 2, b/c Maji was in TIME OUT for EATING MORE SHINGLES! Errr!

 

Kibo literally DRAGGED me around Petco, snuffling out any lost treat. He barked at the ferrets :)  & stole a pig ear. Not to mention was spoiled rotten by young & old alike!

 

He feels great. We are just in from the dog park - & he limped over (elbow dysplasia & arthirits) & kept dropping a tennis ball at my feet.  Gone are the days of whipping it as far as I can ... now we just throw it like 3 ft & he pounces on it  :)  Cutie pie.

 

So, all is well here at the moment & Im savoring every second.

 

I did speak to Dr. Wirth today about those weird side effects Mon nite. He said he has never heard of anything like it. There is a tiny bit of concern about the fact it happened 3 hrs after the CCNU, it IS most likely related to that. Now, what IF next time, it happens (he gets a dose in 3 weeks), but its worse? I mean, he wasnt in pain or "sick", just WEIRD with it. Needless to say he wont be left alone that whole nite again, when he gets it next.

Kibo just looking CUTE!
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Kibo LOVES his Beach time :)
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Cousin Monica watching out for us
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Thirsty Maji
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Kibo Sept 09
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He is THE hansomest ... isnt he???
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SO scary! This is his Wrestling with Maji face :)
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Kibo just hanging in the front yard :)
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Ave & Kibo Sept 09
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My Kibo
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Stolen Pig Ear!!!
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