Miss Priss and Me
Miss Priss and MeSnow Day
This little girl has been begging for snow.
And after last year’s record-breaking snowfall, I didn’tthink twice about buying her new snow boots, snow pants, and a snow coat. But Mother Nature had other plans for us thiswinter, and her new snow gear has been hibernating in the back of the closetfor the past two months.
Then finally, just as we had begun dreaming of breezy springdays, it snowed.
My girl was in her boots and out the backdoor before I evenhad a chance to oppose.
It's like she was born for cold weather. Her cheeks turn pink and her button nose glowsruby red, but it doesn’t faze her in the slightest. She rolls, she runs, she frolics in the snow like it’s a day at the beach.
For Lil Sis, however, it was more of an acquired taste.
Literally.
Once she discovered that the cold white stuff was edible….well... let’s just say her appetite for snow increased tremendously.
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I used to be Miss Priss’s favorite playmate in thesnow. We’d throw snowballs, buildsnowmen, make snow angels. But with LilSis now hanging on my hip…
Miss Priss went and found herself a replacement.
And I can’t say I really mind. Watching Miss Priss and her scruffy little puppy is about asentertaining as you get.
Who knew dogs could play hide-and-go-seek?
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Eventually, Lil Sis made it over to her favorite spot in thebackyard: the swingset. And even thoughthe daily high was barely hitting thirty, she had no problem stuffing herselfinto the swing and hanging out there for half-an-hour.
Girl loves her swing.
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Finally I pried her from the swing, gave Miss Priss afive-minute reminder and headed for the door. Lil Sis insisted on walking the last remaining few yards and just as Iturned to pick up a stray glove, it happened…
Miss Priss wizzed by, squealing in delight and went toembrace her little sister. With theadded extra layers, the momentum and a ten-pound puppy jumping up to join thefun, I saw them fall as if in slow motion.
I expected tears. Iexpected drama. I expected Lil Sis tohit that icy ground in a true-form WAF.
But leave it to Miss Priss, she knew just how to save theday... extend a peace offering.
And make sure it’s edible.
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We finally had our much anticipated snow day. We got to pull the tags off our snow gear andplay outside for a few frigid hours. Wecan happily check it off our winter fun-list.
‘Cause Spring is just around the corner and I for one, amready to say goodbye to cold weather, cabin fever and snotty noses!
Feeling It
It’s been awhile since I’ve written.
And I wish I could tell you that I have an excellentexcuse. Like I baked a fleet of heart-shapedcakes for our Valentine Party or reorganized my closet. But I didn’t do any of that. In fact, for our second annual ValentineParty, I sent H.O.T.Y. out at ten o’clock the night before on a mission forWal-Mart cupcakes.
… then I flipped out when he brought home red icing. My poorhusband.
Last week I read another trashy romance novel. I took three naps with Miss Priss. I caught up on a month’s worth of recordedshows. Honest to God, I twiddled mythumbs and experienced what it’s like to be bored.
I just could not, would not find the inspiration to write.
This blog is my happy place. My unicorns and rainbows kinda thing, where I make peace with my worriesand my fears. Where I dream new dreamsand find the silver lining in the pits of my life. Where I share the ends and outs of my dailydrama in hopes that someone, somewhere can relate to the way I am feeling. I use writing to open up the dam inside mymind and pour out the floodgates.
But last week, I just wasn’t feeling it.
You know what I was feeling though?
This.
And this and this.
Oh yeah…. and this too.
Notice that I didn’teven dig out my camera to take a good picture. Even the photographer in me wasn’t “filling it”. Thank goodness for Instagram.
Instead, I dug deep into the now… into the present. I shoved aside every errand, every chore,every responsibility I could possibly ignore, and set it in a nice pile for later on.
It wasn’t easy. I’m acheck-off-the-to-do-list kind ofgal. I get a high from seeing thingsdone, watching jobs fulfilled, making little checkmarks next to all the thingsthat I’ve completed. At best, I am theopposite of a procrastinator.
But my recent hiatus back home must have changed somethingin me. Five days of living and breathingmy girls, with no computer calling my name or laundry begging to befolded. I learned that being present inthis…
…is a whole new high.
And I’ve got to admit… there was a short period of timewhere I thought about scrapping this whole blog. Giving up my design business, my photographybusiness, my everything-but-my-girls business. I asked myself if my priorities were straight. If I was spending due time where it was trulydeserved. Was I being neglecting…over-achieving… selfish?
There were tears. Anda lot of prayers.
Then H.O.T.Y. said this:
“Stop beating yourself up. The writing, the designing, the photography… that’s YOU. That’s what makes you happy. And being happy is what makes you a bettermom.”
God, I love that man.
So here I am. Writingand blogging and finding my happy place yet again on the world wide web. I amfeeling it.
And I want to hang onto this feeling. Because he’s right… this is me. I do find an inner-happiness through thiskeyboard, though these pictures. I don’thave to choose one or the other… because when I knit it all together, a betterme is created.
I want to preserve the feeling that I felt last Sunday. When my creative juices flowed and I felt likeI could conquer the world. I want toburn the midnight oil creating logos and birthday invitations, editing photosthat will eventually be hung in someone’s home.
But I also want to hold onto this other person too. I want to be present and to live and breatheevery drop of my too-quickly-growing-girls. The mama who sits at the kitchen table watching her eldest weavetogether letters and write her own sentence.
Her first real sentence.
First written sentence: We had a puppet show.
Like a good mama, I burst into tears, swooped her up andtold her that she was the smartest girl in the whole wide world.
I can’t help but want it all. I want to be the one that cherishes her girlsand the one that cherishes her time alone. The one that uses crayons and paint to create art and another that usesa camera and a computer. The one whowears snot-covered sweatshirts during the week and red high heels on the weekend.
I want to feel it on both sides of the fence. Because H.O.T.Y.'s right... ahappy mom is a better mom.
My Instagram Life: Memories Worth Keeping
I've got a lot on my mind.
I've been brewing and stewing... and when I'm ready, I'll share.
But for now, I need to catch up on My Instagram Life... because (yet again), it's been busy capturing memories worth keeping.
(Click on the collage above to see the pictures bigger on your screen.)
My Funny Valentines
There should be another word for LOVE.
Because a four-letter word cannot possibly define the way Ifeel about these two.
It’s like trying to describe the size of the galaxy. Infinite. Endless. Cosmic. And yet thoseonly skim the surface of what really is out there.
But on today’s day of LOVE, I will do just that. I will try to describe these two littlebeings that have captured my soul.
I adore the way Miss Priss’s eyes twinkle and her lips curlinto enormous grins. How the littlefreckle next to her belly button is perfect and round and just begging to bekissed. How her cold toes always findmine in the middle of the night. I ambaffled by intelligence. Her wit. Her full-fledged drama.
I look at her hands and I wonder when they grew so big. How did those little fingers that used to beballed into tiny fists learn to wave, learn to use a spoon, learn to write herown name? I search for the chubby rollsthat used to frame her thighs and the dimple in her right cheek. Is there anything left of my first babygirl? Can time slow down just a little?
And then I see my second born, with her flaming red hair andmischievous smirk. With just a look, myheart melts into another soggy puddle.
Lil Sis, she’s one-of-a-kind with her determination and amazingproblem-solving skills. Her laughter is infectious, her raspy giggles are music to my ears. I cherish everysnuggle, every tantrum, every late night nursing her to sleep.
I'm crazy about this child...the one who showed me that life is even betterwith a sibling.
I watch their sisterhood bloom before me.
And for the first time in my life, I am speechless.
How can I help but pinch myself and wonder when I’ll wake upfrom this fairytale? I have a front rowseat to the best show in the house. Inthe world.
I see their love for each other. So pure. So passionate.
I watch Miss Priss protect her sister, from sharp objectsand choking hazards. How she coaxes herdown the stairs one by one. Go on your belly Lil Sis. Now go slowly, you don’t want to fall. That’s a good girl, you’re almost there! You made it… way to go Lil Sis!
And I smile as Lil Sis worships the ground her big sisterwalks on. She wants to be where she is,do what she’s doing, eat what she’s eating. Nothing’s “too big” for Lil Sis.
These are the two beautiful creatures that God has blessedme with. They are my breath of fresh airin a world that sometimes seems cruel and unforgiving. For them, I will go to the ends of the earthto give them the life they deserve. Theyare my everything.
They are my funny valentines.
Fight or Flight
Sorry, I’m running a little behind.
Pun intended.
Whatever you call it – break, hiatus, vacation, sick day –you know one thing’s for sure when you get back to reality… life hasn’t slowed down one bit while youwere away.
And a towering to-do list always does one of two things tome: fight or flight.
Funny thing though, I decided to do both this time.
I handed my two snotty-nosed girls over to a very misseddaddy, grabbed a handful of chocolates and dumped an entire bottle of bubblebath into my tub. I cracked open thetrashy romance novel I’d been putting off for months and shriveled into anoversaturated prune. Watch out world… Ieven shaved my legs.
In those two glorious hours, I shoved aside all myworries. All the stresses over thethings I needed to be doing, wanted to be doing, should be doing… I rolled theminto a crumpled ball and pitched them over the side of the tub.
And then yesterday morning, I woke up refreshed. I dressed in long johns and gloves and headeddowntown for a photo session in the bitter winter cold. In twenty degree weather, my creative juicesstarted to flow… my motivation started to soar… my hands balled into fistsready to fight.
Towering to-do list?
Bring. It. On.
I love when I feel this way. That conquer-the-world feeling that you know is only fleeting. But when it’s here, you can depend on it toget you through late nights, early mornings and any turmoil that lifebrings your way.
Tomorrow will bring its own onset of worries andproblems. I’ll have much to do andlittle time to do it. And that’sokay. Because fight or flight... I can retaliate like the best of ‘em.
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Without furtherado...
the winner of the Love Notes is…
Thank you to everyone who left a comment! BennettsMommy, please send me your address and I'll put your set of Love Notes in the mail this week. Congrats!
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Be sure to comeback tomorrow for Valentine's Day...
I’ll be professing myLOVE like never before.
My Instagram Life: Sick Day
Well, it happened… just as I predicted.
My dad got me sick as sick can be and I’ve spent the lasttwenty-four hours praying to the porcelain gods. Instead of packing up, spending a day with mybest friend and then getting back home for a much anticipated photo session,I’ve been laid up in bed with my mommy taking care of me.
I might hate being sick… but you can’t get much better thanbeing at home with your mom nursing you back to health.
So today I’m going to do a little photo catch-up… Instagramstyle.
(Click on the collage above to see the pictures bigger on your screen.)
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Don’t forget to leave a comment on THIS BLOG to enter intothe drawing for a FREE set of Love Notes. Winner will be announced Monday!
Hiatus
We’re on a hiatus this week.
I packed up the girls and headed south Monday afternoon tospend some quality time at Grammie and Papa’s. And things haven’t quite gone exactly as planned, but a break’s a break…and we’re enjoying it.
While Papa has been holed up all week in the back bedroom,sick with a monstrous cold and nasty stomach bug, I’ve been spraying every inchof the house with Lysol and finding ways to keep the girls out of the house. No matter my precautions, I know I’llbe the one that gets sick. Happens everysingle time.
Guess who’s been kissing boys this week?
That’s right. Notone, not two, but three little boys have been chased down with her affection inthe last five days.
Super Bowl Sunday started this kissing madness. She followed poor Brayden around for threehours with every intent on smooching his blushing cheek.
Since then, she’s been boy-crazy about two more littlefellas. Miss Priss is a sly onetoo. She wins them over by playing Wiior Power Rangers or something else quite manly,and then BAM, before they know it, she’s chasing them through the housesquealing “I’m going to kiss you!”
Makes me laugh.
Makes H.O.T.Y. have a heart attack.
Lil Sis isn't as smooth with her smooching techniques. She gave little Jaxon that shiner under his eye.
Other than the kissing frenzy, we’ve been laying low. Reading
It’s given me a chance to catch-up with old friends and bemore present with my girls. With justthe simple relocation of our lives, I’ve relaxed, I’ve refocused, I’verefueled. I’ve literally sat and donenothing. And it’s felt wonderful.
Tomorrow we head home. Which is a good thing, because my little kissing machine has already sether sights on the boy next door.
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Don't forget to leave a comment on THIS BLOG and get a chance to win some little Love Notes. Winner will be randomly picked and announced on Monday.
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Don't forget to leave a comment on THIS BLOG and get a chance to win some little Love Notes. Winner will be randomly picked and announced on Monday.
Love Notes
When H.O.T.Y. and I first started dating, I bought this packof itty-bitty love cards from Hallmark and would randomly leave them around forhim to find. In his suitcase, on hispillow, next to his toothbrush… when he’d least expect it, he’d discover alittle note from me reminding him of my love.
That was ten years ago.
Since then, I rarely remember to do romantic things forhim. Sure, I tell him “I Love You” whenhe leaves for work or before going to bed, but remembering to be romantic? Well, let’s just say that I’m not the sappyone in our relationship.
But a few months ago, I found an idea on Pinterest, and knewit was right up my alley. So I went towork on the computer and a few weeks later, a stack of itty-bitty love notesarrived.
Now whenever I feel inspired, I write out a little reasonwhy I love him and leave it somewhere for him to find.
Sometimes it’s simply because I’m proud of him… and othertimes it’s because I know if I sweeten him up, I’ll convince him to dosomething for me.
Nevertheless, it’s allloving reminders of why I think he’s wonderful.
With Valentine’s Day around the corner, I find myself moreaware of how lucky I am to be his wife. How easily I got the good end of the deal and my life is 110% better withhim in it.
And even though “I Love You” still gets said every morningand every night, finding ways to surprise him and remind him of my love makesthe in-between-time that much sweeter.
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Want a set of Love Notes? Simply comment below and I’ll randomly pick one person to receive a FREEset of 25 Love Notes! And becauseValentine’s Day is almost here… tell me some fun ways you show your love forsomeone special! Winner will beannounced next Monday!
WAF
My friend Shannon has this angelic blue-eyed daughter, namedEva. About the time that Eva turned two,her mom would come into work each day telling us tales of Eva’s WAF (Wild AssFits). Screaming, hitting, biting,throwing...
Now I personally adore this said little diva, and to thisday I have yet to whole heartily believe that she caused the kind of ruckusthat her mother claimed.
Fast forward four years...
WAF has made a grand entrance intoour lives.
Oh yes, this girl puts the wild into WAF.
And what’s funny is Miss Priss has never thrown a text-bookWAF. I swear, not once. I mean, sure, she’s stomped to her room atime or two, and even melted into a sobbing mess while we’ve been out inpublic. But throwing herself onto theground, with her forehead banging against the floor and screaming at the top ofher lungs… oh no, that’s neverhappened.
Lil Sis, however, throws one at least twice a day.
And they’re a doozy.
Most times, it’s because I won’t carry her around on my hip24/7. Or because big sister stole thepink stool from her. Or because the dogknocked her down. You just never knowwhat’ll set her off.
No matter, when she’s mad…. everybody knows it.
So notch it up to being a redhead, or just the spawn of atemperamental mama, but Lil Sis is proving WAFs are the new way of life aroundhere.
Happy WILD weekend friends.
Disclaimer: no children were harmed or neglected in the making of this post. Laughed at, yes. But definitely not hurt.
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C’mon back Monday… I’ve got a special Valentine giveaway inthe works!
Elmo's World
With Miss Priss, it was Barney. Just at the cusp of toddlerhood, she fell in love with the big purple dinosaur. Byeighteen months she could sing the theme-song as well as anybody. Every day she would beg to watch her beloved“Ba-ba” and most times, I would eventually give in.
Well, they say every kid is different. And when it comes to baby propaganda, my twogirls are polar opposites.
‘Cause right now, its Elmo’s World.
Lil Sis eats, sleeps, breathes Elmo. We have cups, we have plates, we havejammies, we have books – all in the name of the furry red monster.
So when H.O.T.Y. brought home tickets for Sesame Street
And if you know me at all, you know we weren’t goinganywhere without some custom shirts and a photo shoot.
Truthfully, we were a little nervous how well Lil Sis woulddo through the entire show. Sittingstill is not her forte.
Luckily, we have just the trick to keep her occupied… mama’scell phone.
Yet once the lights went down and the neighborhood gang cameout, we had little to worry about. Thegirls were mesmerized.
Nothing was peeling their eyes away from that stage.
Lil Sis wiggled and giggled, clapped and danced. She was beside herself with so muchexcitement, her little body could barely contain it all. She put her hands in the air, on her head,everywhere, as if she didn’t know what to do with all her Elmo happiness.
I think H.O.T.Y. and I spent more time watching her than the actual show.
Check out that look... somebody wanted big sister's popcorn.
Whether it be Elmo, or Barney, or princesses at thecastle, we will continue making activites like this an important part of our girl's childhood. Because eventually, it won't be furry monsters and purple dinosaurs that make them excited, it'll be cars and cell phones and boys (gasp!).
So until that time comes... will you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?
Sorry, couldn't resist.
Meltdown
I had a meltdown this morning.
And I'd like to blame Aunt Flow, or my exhausting weekend, or maybe just thatthe stars aren't aligned quite right.
Nevertheless, I am not proud of myself today.
It all started when I dressed Miss Priss for school. We picked out her newValentine shirt, her pretty silver skirt and little red shoes to match. Once outfitted and looking so cute, I just had to get a picture.
My set was still up from yesterday's mini-sessions, so I plopped little sisdown in a chair, grabbed a prop and told Miss Priss to stand there and smile.
"This is too heavy, I want to put it down"
"I want to sit down, my legs hurt."
"This IS my pretty smile mommy"
At which point, my blood is boiling, steam starts coming out of myears and I scream…
Why can’t you just take a good picture?!?
** I realize at this moment you are thinking “She isevil!” But please, keep reading. **
So in a huff, I throw her a coat and yell at her to get in the car. We're goingto be late for school. The whole way there I'm reaming her for not looking atthe camera, for not smiling pretty, for whining, for crying...
And in her smallest voice I hear from the backseat "when I'm five I'lltake good pictures."
Just then, we pull up and her teacher opens the door. I hand her her backpackand out she goes. As I drive off I see her saying something to herteacher. Is she telling her that mommyyells when she takes pictures? Is she telling her that I'm mean, that I'mcrazy?
I cried the whole way home.
I'm a photographer, so I see the way moms stress out over pictures at everysingle session. I totally get it. You want your kid to act one way, and when theydon't, you lose it.
And I'm just as guilty of wanting my cake and eating it too.
So I spent the entire two hours Miss Priss was gone reading books to Lil Sis.It was my futile way of redeeming back some good mommy points. And even though I was rewarding the wrongkid, I could not touch my mile long to-do list until I did something good for achild. Any child.
When I picked Miss Priss up from school, the first thing she did was give me abig grin and say “Look mommy! I have agood smile now!”
*sigh* I’m officially the worstmom on the planet.
Lucky for all of us mom’s thathave these self-depreciating moments, our kids have short memories. They teach us daily the true meaning of unconditional love. And forgiveness.
While I don’t condone my actionsthis morning… in fact I truly despise the way I acted and am only admitting ithere because I learned a lesson… I know that my outburst did not scar mychild. I know that my meltdown will notsend her directly into years and years of therapy.
It did, however, make me realizehow many mistakes I make in this whole parenting gig. Daily. And how I have so much further to go to ever feel like I’m doing anythingright.
And finally, how lucky I am for their endless forgiveness. Through it,I have the chance to make things up with great big hugs and dozens of mommy kisses.
No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting willeventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal. –Bill Cosby
Randomites: Stretchaholic
Hi, my name is KJ and I’m a stretchaholic.
Stretchaholic, you say?
As in stretch yourself so thin, in every single direction, andcannot sleep until all eighty-nine things are completed.
Oh, you are too? Wellthen, welcome to the club.
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I got a message today from a friend… It’s Friday – I need a new blogpost. Pretty please.
Now don’t get me wrong. I adore getting messages like this. It’s nice to be reminded that this little blog is actually read andenjoyed.
BUT SERIOUSLY – IT’SFRIDAY? WHERE DID MY WEEK GO? AND WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH MYSELF ALL WEEK?
Oh yeah… three custom banners, a new website, edited a photosession, four new invitation designs, sewed two Sesame Street shirts, finisheda book, half-a-load of laundry (it’s still in the dryer, but it totallycounts), drank a bottle of wine, and I even managed to shower. Twice.
Sometimes I tend to over-do it.
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So today we’re gonna do some randomites. ‘Cause this mama is nearing operation overload.
Normally they run from my camera. But bring out a backdrop and a couple props and I can't get them away from me.
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If you’ve met my husband, you know that he likes hishobbies. In fact, our running joke isthat he tends to start new hobbies multiple times a year, and only afterinvesting in all the expensive necessities for that hobby does he really findout that he doesn’t like it anymore.
But motorcycles… there’s a hobby that’s stuck around a fewyears.
So we went to a motorcycle show for his birthday.
Apparently this dude on the left is famous. And I’ll give you ten stars if you know whohe is. As for the girl on the right,well… Miss Priss just wanted to take a picture with the “pretty princess”.
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Another holiday is nearing and you know what that means…craft’n time.
We’ve been busy spiffin’ up our house with x’s and o’s.
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I got my picture taken.
I hate getting my picture taken. I’d much rather be behind the camera than infront of it.
But a national website contacted me and is interested infeaturing my blog (!!) and that means that I’ve got to come up with a pictureand bio… pronto.
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Miss Priss read her first book. Cover to cover, baby.
The leaf isgreen. The iguana is green. The lettuce is green.
See her in action HERE. And please, ignore the screaming baby in the background.
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I have a love/hate relationship with weeks like these. I thrive on feeling creative and knowing thatI got so much accomplished, yet question every moment and wonder if my girlssuffered in the midst of my productivity.
I ask myself over and over again, did I read books with themtoday? Did we do something funtoday? Did we learn somethingtoday? Or did they just sit by and watchwhile mom did all the things that she wanted to do.
It’s this never-ending battle that I fight internally. I have so many things I want to do, so manyideas I want to create, and to be honest… just being “mom” often gets in theway of my lofty aspirations. And everyday I struggle with putting aside my “wants” so that I can be the mom that theydeserve.
Turns out though, this internal mêlée isn’t always a badthing. Because it forces me to step awayfrom the computer and do things that I typically avoid.
Am I the only mom in the universe who despises the creatorof PlayDoh?
And it also makes me use my time more wisely, so when I doget a break, I can fit in all the things that are most important to me.
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Random or not, this has been one heck of a week. And I, for one, am looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend.... aside from the swim playdate, the birthday party, the Sesame Street Live show and the eight Valentine photo sessions, of course.
Happy weekend friends!
Big Day
In the words of Miss Priss’s favorite movie…
Today is a very bigday.
An hour ago, I dropped bothof my kids off at school. I climbed backinto the car and thought to myself “what in the world am I going to do allalone for two hours?”
And my dog looked up at me from the passenger seat and Iswear said “It’s just you and me toots.”
Normally I jump at the chance at being alone. I can clean, I can read, I can work, I canshower all in peace and quiet. Buttoday, that peace and quiet seems to hover all around me like a ticking timebomb. I keep staring at the clockwondering how much longer until I can go pick up my girls. My to-do list just sits there, unfinished,and I cannot motivate myself to touch the pile of laundry needing to be folded.
I took this picture this morning.
And originally, I was just going to slide it into theRandomites I’m working on for later this week. It was, after all, just one little photo. I was simply going to remark that Lil Sis hadgone to her first day of school and that I was so proud of my sweet baby for being such abig girl.
But the thing is, today is anything but random. It isa big day.
And fifty years from now, I want to remember how my hearthurt for an entire two-and-a-half hours while my girls were in the hands of strangers. How I doubted myself the entire time as towhy I had sent them to school while they were still so young. How I asked myself how I could call myself aSAHM while really, I was paying someone else to keep my children. How I flat out cried big fat tears and bit mycuticles to the quick.
It’ll never be easy to leave my children with others. Not for an hour on Sunday mornings, not fortwo-hours at the gym. Not in six yearswhen they go to slumber parties and not in twelve when they get dropped off atthe movies.
It reminds me of the quote by Elizabeth Stone…
Making the decision tohave a child – it’s momentous. It’s todecide forever to have your heart go walking around outside of your body.
And that’s just it.
My heart is somewhere else right now. It’s at a preschool, just down the road.
As a mother, I want to keep my children near me at alltimes. I want to protect them againstall of the world’s harm and injustices and cruelty. I want to shield them from ever having theirfeelings hurt or egos bruised. I want tohold them close and never let them out of the house.
But today is just the first day of many where I will have toloosen the apron strings and let my girls go places without me. I have to let them experience new people, newthings, new life lessons. I have to let my hearthurt for a few hours each week, so that my children can grow into independentlittle beings.
And I will grow too. I will use these two hours to be “me” again. I will make this time a sanctuary to do the thingsthat I want to do, so that when it comes time to pick up my girls, I will berefocused and renewed and ready to be the best mom I know how to be.
Rapunzel was right… today is a very big day.
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Take a walk down memory lane with me.... this was how big of a mess I was on Miss Priss's first day of school four years ago.
fifteen months
I feel like I woke up one morning, walked into Lil Sis’sroom and picked up a toddler. Sometimein the middle of the night, somebody crawled through the window and stole myitty bitty baby girl.
She walks, she talks, she knows what she wants and shescreams bloody murder when she doesn’t get it.
Oh yes, little miss thang is a full fledged toddler.
And before I let any more time slip through my fingers and Iwake up with a preschooler, let’s talk about all things Lil Sis.
Guess who likes to be naked? And has an infatuation with Elmo?
So when you combine the two, you’ve got a streakingred-haired monster.
She’s funny when she wakes up. You can barely creek the door open and peekin before she jumps up, grabs the rail and gives you a sunshiny smile.
I tell you, best alarm clock in the world.
The stool has become a part-time hobby. She pushes, pulls, carries and drags thatthing all over the house. And becauseshe’s so stinkin’ smart, Lil Sis has quickly figured out that it can be used toobtain things formerly out of reach.
And she thinks she’s hot stuff when she hides it from bigsister.
She’s made an alliance with the dog… Bonny and Clyde style. WhileMiss Priss is busy coloring or watching a movie, I can always count on thesetwo to be getting into mischief somewhere.
She runs now. She’slike a little waddling coyote chasing a speedy roadrunner. And then she looks back at you with thisdevious grin and a face that screams “eat my dust”.
As for nursing… well, let’s just say that we haven’t weaneda bit. I never thought I’d be the momwith a toddler stuck on my boob… yet, that’s exactly who I’ve become. And to be honest, I know that I’m just as muchof the problem as she is. Mama needs hercuddle time too.
We’ve tried a little. But when she comes to me with her big browneyes and asks for “night-night”, how can I turn her away? Her fingers twirl my hair as her steadyrhythm of cough, suck, cough, suck bring all the comfort that my sweet babystill obviously needs. Maybe next month...
I’d like to take this moment to brag about my girl. And I mean full-out rant and rave and tellyou how amazing she is.
She can say over fifty words now. She’s begun to say sentences. She knows how to indentify most things in ourhouse and repeats everything we sayto her. She moos like a cow, puts on herown shoes and drinks out of a real cup.
I’m proud to say that I finally made her an “all about me”book. Miss Priss had one at this age,and I had so much fun recreating one just for Lil Sis.
Best of all, my little bookworm loves it. We read it atleast ten times a day, and if I’m not reading it to her, she’s dragging itaround with her stool.
And last… but only because I’m only trying to accept thefact myself… this girl starts mother’s day out tomorrow.
Tomorrow(!)… *gasp*
On a whim, I emailed Miss Priss’s preschool director andasked if they would accept Lil Sis in their current open spot. Six days later they confirmed that they wouldindeed take her and I’ve been backpedaling ever since.
Detached from mommy’s hip? Absolutely not. In school withbig sister? No way. My sweet, little, innocent baby girl awayfrom me two hours every week? What was Ithinking???
And yet, I followed through the motions, got her all enrolledand now they’re expecting her bright and early tomorrow morning.
I know it’s a goodthing. I’m a solid believer inallowing kids to experience a school-setting at a young age. I think it helps them develop their much-neededsocial skills and have the ability to learn that the world doesn’t actuallyrevolve around them.
But the thought of my baby girl being dropped off tomorrow… it hurts my heart, my soul, mynever-again birthing uterus.
****
She is, without a doubt, the cutest, most lovable, huggable,cuddleable, snuggable toddler I know. And she will always be my baby girl.
My Instagram Life: Overdose
They say an addition is a recurring complusion to engage in some specific activity.
So is it possible to be addicted to photography? And more importantly, is it possible to overdose on it?
I have a feeling that HOTY is about to send me to photo rehab. If Lil Sis looks cute with spaghetti all over her face, I have to take a picture. If Miss Priss is sleeping peacefully and looking like an angel, I will not go another second until I capture it with my camera. New clothes, new weather, new adventures, new habits... I obsess over getting it all on film.
Luckily (or maybe not so luckily), my phone lets me feed my addiction. When my Canon is tucked safely in the closet, all I have to do is whip out my phone and snap away.
And you know I do.
That said, I had to widen my Instagram collage to fit in everything I've been photographing lately.
Happy Friday folks. We've got big plans to celebrate somebody turning thirty-two.
****
Please know that in NO WAY am I making light of the term addiction. For many, addiction is a serious and dangerous dependency. I know first hand what it can do to someone's job, to someone's family, to someone's life. If you think you have any type of addiction, please know there is HELP out there for you.
Happy Birthday HOTY
Thirty-two. That's right...not 21, or 29 or even 31... thirty-freak'n-two.
And according to Miss Priss, being 32 is SUPER-WEIRD.
Here's what else she had to say about you today...
My daddy's name is TODD, he is TWELVE feet and FOUR inches tall.
He weighs FIFTY pounds and is TWENTY-EIGHT years old.
His hair is BLACK and his eyes are BLUE.
His favorite TV show is SCARY SHOWS.
He likes to go to WORK.
His favorite food is PICKLES and his favorite drink is COKE.
For fun, he likes to RIDE HIS MOTORCYCLE.
I love it when my daddy PLAYS PRINCESS WITH ME.
My favorite thing about my daddy is THAT HE LOVES ME.
Happy Birthday to the most amazing husband, father, friend and peson I know. May thirty-two be the most wonderful year yet.
Embracing the Present
I am, self-admittedly, the world’s worst at embracing the present.
If I’m not neck-deep in planning for the future, then I’mmost certainly whittling hours away trying to capsulate the past. I can plan a birthday party six-months inadvance, I can buy clothing for next year’s seasons, I can create a bookshelffull of last year’s photos and I can keep every sentimental scrap of my children'schildhood.
But being in the moment, that I cannot do.
Case in point: I bought this cupcake kit last March.
Oh, I had big plans for it. I knew the moment I saw it that Miss Priss and I would have a blastmaking those cupcakes. Maybe we’d have aparty and have all her little girlfriends over, we’d dine off pastel plates and we’dpaint flowerpots or play outside or maybe plant a garden while the cupcakeswere baking. Or maybe we’d wait until arainy day and make the batch for daddy. Or maybe... just maybe... we’d make them together on Mother’s Day.
I kept waiting and waiting until the perfect moment to make those darn cupcakes.
Then yesterday, as I was buttoning her coat and sending heroff to school in fourteen degree weather, she told me she wanted to makecupcakes that afternoon. To be specific,flower cupcakes.
**lightbulb**
"Well of course,sweetheart. We’ll make flower cupcakestoday. And you know what? I have the best surprise for you when you gethome."
To be honest, I’d forgotten all about those cupcakes. While waiting for the perfect moment to make them, Spring had passed by. And Summer. And Fall. And here it was middleof Winter and those cupcakes had been gathering dust in the pantry.
Unfortunately, this is nothing new for me. I will buy the cutest clothes for my girlsand then hold-off letting them wear them until the perfect occasion. Most times, the season passes, they grow outof them, and I’m left with another outfit with tags hanging off. And just last week I found an unopened jar ofmassage oil. Expiration date: June 2008.
So yesterday, my big girl came home from preschool and we made those stinkin' cupcakes.
We cracked and we poured and we measured and we stirred.
And call the salmonella police… we licked that bowl clean.
While the cupcakes baked, we didn’t do any of the grand things I’doriginally dreamed up. Instead, we saton the floor and talked. We discusseddaddy’s upcoming birthday and her new friend at school. We basked in the sunlight enjoying each other's company.
And we cuddled with the new puppy.
Nothing epic… yet somehow just as gratifying.
As soon as those babies came out of the oven, we went totown icing them
and decorating them
and tasting them.
Lil Sis, whom I firmly believe has a sixth sense when it comesto food, woke up from her nap just as we were finishing the last of the sprinkles. And she scooted her little bum right into her high chair and clear asday squealed “Cupcake!”
Now, who’s going to say no to that?
Right there, on that cold January day, I watched my girls enjoytheir flower cupcakes. It was the perfect moment. And itdidn’t matter that we weren't eating off pastel plates or throwing a sugar-coated party or thatit wasn’t some spring-fling holiday.
Yet again, my four-year-old taught me an invaluable lessonabout life. She showed me that embracing the present is more importantthan a fully-planned future and a well-documented past. She proved that the perfect moment is anymoment you make it.
Easy as taking candyfrom a baby? Ha! Just try it.
****
Happy hump-day friends... go embrace today.
Reading Rainbow
I love a good book.
In fact, give me a juicy novel, a hot bubble bath and aglass of wine and I’ll sit in the tub until my toes shrivel.
So to see my love for reading being passed on to my girls…well that’s just icing on the cake.
Take Lil Sis for example.
She’ll disappear from my side and just when I realize she’sgone, I instinctively know where to find her.
She sits in her room, pulling out baskets of books and sifts throughthe pages one by one. She loves her Sesame Street
Give the girl a stack of books and sistah will sit for hours.
Miss Priss, on the other hand, has recently rekindled herlove for reading. About the time thatLil Sis was born, our bedtime story routine went by the wayside andunfortunately, she soon replaced her interest in books with Nick Jr. cartoons.
But upon her new curiosity in letters and words, big sisternow feels all grown up with a book in her hand. Especially if the book doesn’thave any pictures.
She’ll sit there, taking requests for what story you wanther to read and then tell you tall tales of bunnies who live on cottoncandy islands, brownie making monsters and princesses who give chocolate cake toBaby Jesus. Her imagination runs wild asshe pretends to read each page, her little fingers scanning the text as if sheknows exactly what it says.
Nothing beats an action-packed tale of cupcake eatingzombies, trust me.
And I guess, for all the times that I grit my teeth andcurse the works of karma, I’ll happily take this one love and proudly pass it down. They might inherit my stubbornness, mymessiness, my possessiveness... but to see them relish in the enjoyment that agood book brings… well that’s all it takes to make this mama swell with pride.
Back in Business
It’s amazing to me that things are just now starting to getback into the swing of our daily routine. School is back in session, naps are finally consistent again and we’reactually eating more dinners in than out.
With the comfort that familiar repetition brings, I’mrelishing in all the grand things of life.
Like playing dress up…
and middle-of-the-day bubble baths
and aqua-doodle art shows.
She spends 10% coloring and the other 90% sucking all the water out.
****
Guess who’s following in somebody’s babydoll-loving footsteps?
Oh yes, Lil Sis has jumped on board with this must-be-holding-a-babydoll-at-all-times obsession. Unfortunately for her, she usually gets stuckwith Miss Priss’s hand-offs. Every timebig sister gets a new one (which is shamefully too often to admit), she castsoff the old straight into the lap of Lil Sis.
Comes with the territory of being a little sister, I guess. Lucky for us, Lil Sis is cool withhand-me-downs.
What she’s not cool with: somebody stealing her stool. Girlfriend lovesher little stool.
She carries it all overthe house, up one flight of stairs to mommy’s room, down two-flights to theplayroom.
Which of course means that all of a sudden… Miss Priss lovesthe little stool too.
****
And have I mentioned that this girl likes to eat? And eat and eat and eat.
We’ve taken up permanent residence in the highchair thesedays, going through whole cans of green beans, pears and corn, full washington
I figure those sweet chubby cheeks needs lots of nourishment.
****
Know what else I loved this week?
I loved that exactly one-inch of snow sent my four-year-oldinto a full-blown happy dance. She wokeup bright and early, finished her oatmeal in three big bites and scurried offto get dressed in her snow gear. Hat…coat… boots… mommy’s old snow muff from childhood.
And not to be left out… Lil Sis decked herself out in thematching bonnet and watched from the window. ‘Cause negative four wind-chill ain’t touching my baby girl.
After a few minutes of watching big sister, she discoveredthat she was perfectly content sitting and eating the snow we’d tracked in onour boots.
Nothing like a refreshing blend of snow and ice forbreakfast.
****
Our days have fallen back into their familiar pattern. We eat, we play, we bathe*, we sleep… werepeat.
And for the life of me, I can’t imagine it getting any betterthan that.
*“We” as in the girls bathe, not me. H.O.T.Y. wanted me to add a disclaimer that I haven’t showered in three days. But hey, who’s counting?
Merci. Gracias. Danke.
As we express ourgratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utterwords, but to live by them. - JohnFitzgerald Kennedy
If there’s one thing that my mother ingrained into my verythick skull, it’s the ability to show gratitude. I can’t honestly remember a birthday orChristmas passing by without us sitting at the kitchen table and making outhandwritten thank you notes for each of the gifts we’d received.
At first I only had to draw a picture, sometimes with crayonor marker, and simply sign my name. As Igrew older, I was expected to express my appreciation in a more formalmanner. Thank you so much for the Amish daddy doll. I know you gave all my other cousins the Amishmommy doll, but I feel so special that I got the daddy - even though he doesn’thave a pretty dress that turns into an apron like the mommy dolls do. I’m sure he’ll find a suitable companionamong one of my Barbies.
And although I cried for weeks over that daddy doll andnever did understand why I was the onlygranddaughter who didn’t get a mommy doll… my grandma never knew of my six-year-oldsorrow. She thought he was having agrand ol’ time in my Barbie DreamHouse.
To this day I still keep a written record of all the gifts wereceive. And when the celebration isover and the gifts are strewn across the house, I sit down and I write out apile of thank you notes. I ooh and ahhover the things I’ve received and I try my best to make them feel like theygave me my absolute favorite gift of all.
Why? Because nomatter if it’s an amish daddy doll or a pair of two-sizes-too-small pajamapants or the prettiest dust-buster I ever did see… I want them to know that itwasn’t the gift I appreciated; it was the act of giving itself.
And if I can pass anything on to my girls… it is this.
I want them to acknowledge each gift for what it is, and beable to recognize that even though it might not be exactly what they werewanting, it was given from someone who loves them and cares for them and wantsto make them feel special. I want mygirls to receive each gift with a genuine smile and mean it when they say thank you. I want them to possess the ability to writethank-yous in a way that truly make the giver happy they gave them a gift.
And so, we continue my mother’s tradition and sit down afterthe holidays to draw pictures and write letters and make special cards for ourloved ones.
Now that Miss Priss is so eager to learn how to write, wecarefully spell out names and words and even the occasional random smatteringof gibberish. Because even thoughGrandma may open a card that says THANKYOU GRA… she’ll love it. She’ll hangit on her fridge and know that her granddaughter took a moment to send her awhole-hearted appreciation.
(The concentrated lip-twist.)
Studies show that teaching kids to be grateful has beenproven to prevent depression, eating-disorders, and suicide. In our “me-me-me” way of life, we teach ourchildren to look beyond themselves and to see the blessings that surroundus. It is more than an attitude, it is alearned way of life.
And it goes beyond writing thank you notes for any giftsreceived. It’s saying “thank you” whensomeone opens your door, by valuing your warm home when you know others don’thave one, by accepting a compliment without a quick rebuttal. It’s as simple as appreciating a beautifulday, the smile from a stranger, the hardworking garbage man.
Merci. Gracias. Danke. Thank you.
In the end, no matter how we say it, how we express it, howwe show it… it’s the ability to profess it that means the most.
My Instagram Life: Hello There
Why hello there New Year.
We're eight days in and I had to sit down and delete photos off my phone last night because my memory card was full.
In other words, my Instagram app has been rock'n in twenty-twelve.
We've hunted stuffed wildlife, gambled all our tokens away and read ghastly stories about blueberry monsters that eat brownies. We've swung, we've strolled, we've snuggled.
To say the least... we've hit the floor running in the New Year.
Feel free to see more of my snap-happy madness by following "kjanedesigns" on Instagram.
Happy Sunday all.... hope it's warm and toasty for you.
NYE Recap
They say how you bring in the New Year is how you live therest of it.*
Well… if that means I’ll spend the next twelve months withhealthy children, helpful grandparents, a great group of friends and a handsomehusband… I’m happy to say that I’ll be thrilled if that little pluck of wisdomcomes true.
****
We finished out 2012 cleaning house, taking down Christmasstuff, and would you believe it… a little photo shoot.
This holiday matriarchcan’t resist a chance to get my family in front of the camera.
Then we kissed our kids goodbye, handed them over to Grammieand Papa and went out for a night with our friends.
Dinner was delicious, plates full of linguini and glassesrimmed with salt or sugar or a fancy swirly lemon. I laughed until tears rolled down my cheeks,as we discussed all the things that grown-ups really talk about when kidsaren’t around.
Then we headed back to a friend’s house to ring in the NewYear.
And it was there that we did what every normal group ofadults do when they get together... we hadan Xbox dance-off.
Come to find out, some of us can still get down and boogie.
Finally, midnight made its way around the globe and wehuddled in front of an air-brushed Dick Clark in anticipation of the countdown. The ball dropped, we cheered, we kissed, wehappily said hello to twenty-twelve.
An hour later, I was at home, snuggled in bed with afour-year-old’s cold toes.
****
Yes, the New Year was brought in with laughter, love and countless blessings. Looks like 2012 has some big shoes to fill.
*And just so you know, “they” being the cast of the hittween show… The O.C.
patience | prioritize | prayer
When I lived in
This year, I’m going to let three words sum up my 2012mission.
Patience. Prioritize. Prayer.
And to be truthful, I’ve also got a list of resolutionstyped up and taped to my computer. Butwhen it comes March, or July, or October, and I’m feeling inadequate tocomplete any of my lofty goals, I’m going to come back to these three words.
Patience
Some days I have it. Some days I don’t. And on thosedepleted days I say things I don’t mean, snap too many times, push too manybuttons. I am edgy and insensitive anddown right mean. I hate myself thosedays.
They say patience is something that you can exercise. Well I’m going to train like it’s a freak’n marathon.
Prioritize
I admit, I’m terrible at prioritizing. I like to get everything done all at once andthen when I’m buried under a mountain of to-dos, I erupt like a sporadic volcano. And if we’re being totally honest here, theones I love the most are usually buried somewhere in that heaping pile ofsmoldering ashes.
This year I want to align my priorities first, then actsecond. I want to look at each task athand and ask myself if there’s something more important that I should be doingfirst. Even if it means ignoring myemails to read a book to Lil Sis or saying no to a project so I can take MissPriss to the zoo.
And on that note, my new mantra is stop trying to do it all.
Prayer
Hello, God. Remember me? With the new year, I am challenging myself todig deeper in my faith. I want to stoprelying on the religion ingrained from childhood and let my heart make its owndecisions. I’m going to face my doubts,my skepticism, my fears.
As a family we have also decided to take a step forward inour walk with God. We’re adding dailydevotions, bible stories at bedtime, teaching Miss Priss the Lord’s Prayer. We want this year to be a year where we grow with Him.
A new year is a fresh start, a new beginning. It’s the dawn of new chances, new dreams, newways. And for me, twenty-twelve is allabout focusing on patience, prioritizing and prayer.
happy twenty twelve
From our family to yours... here's to wishing you a happy happy new year!
2011: A Growth Year
I’m a firm believer that at birth, God has a written plan for all the years of our life. Some may be years of prosperity, while others may be dismal and dark. Some may be years of challenge or ambition or complete and utter failure. Every year is a year that God has purposely created just for us.
This year, I think that it was my year for growth.
Because who I am today is not who I was a year ago.
And it took me the whole year of 2011 to get to this landmark.
I spent the last few nights sitting in my office, drinking my favorite wine and reading through the last twelve months of this blog. It’s funny how much I had forgotten. And it’s amazing how much I learned about myself from re-reading it…
I learned that it’s okay to uproot your family and spread your wings. I learned that even in the midst of all your fears, home is where you want it to be. I learned that lasting friendships reside in your heart, not on a map. And I learned that jammie days are an absolute must for my fruitful homebody being.
I learned that spontaneity is something I love, even though planned spontaneity is hard to resist. I learned to accept the slob that resides in me, and that H.O.T.Y. will just have to deal with it. I learned that having an office of my own makes me feel all powerful and badass. I learned that having two children is like juggling sixteen flaming swords.
I learned that mornings in bed with my girls are my favorite time of day. I learned that childhood memories stay just that… memories. I learned that raising sisters made all my dreams come true. I learned that putting myself out there is therapeutic on all kinds of personal levels.
I learned that my brother is everything opposite of me… and that I love him whole-heartily for it. I learned that the grass may be greener on the other side, but it still has to have its weeds pulled and its grass mowed. I was taught that it’s okay to be a princess. And I learned that I’m just as sentimental as my mother.
I learned that your life can be shifted at any time, any moment, and that the only thing left to do is stand back up, brush yourself off, and help the person next to you. I learned that there’s a mama-bear instinct that dwells deep inside of me and I want to beat the tar out of anyone who crosses my kid. I learned that seeing my little twinkle-toes on stage was all I’d ever dreamed it to be.
I learned that thirty is only a number… a number that surprisingly brought me satisfaction and the acceptation of all the blessings in my life. I realized that my little girl is growing up way too fast. I learned that random is a good thing. I learned to accept my Stay-At-Home-Mom title and to stop trying to supplement it with apologies and disclaimers. I learned that I might be more Susie-Homemaker than one may think… the proof: my first garden.
I learned that a neighborhood swimming pool is exactly what we needed… cool and close and only two-feet deep. I learned that I have some ridiculously crafty friends. I learned that changing seasons are inevitable. I learned that I like to take pictures… lots of pictures… enough to go out on a limb and try to make a career out of it.
I learned that fairy-tales really do come true. I learned that balance is an unattainable goal, just as tricky as walking a tight rope with your eyes closed and a monkey on your back. I realized that people actually like what I have to say. I learned that at the bottom of it all… it’s family, family, family that matters. I learned that naptime is a cure-all.
I learned that sportsmanship isn’t a genetic thing. I learned that resilience is. I was taught that rocky roads are a part of life, just like sandy trails and sky-high mountain tops. I realized that I married the most amazing man alive. And I learned that birth stories should be treasured in the upmost way.
I learned that one really means ONE… no more babies… no more newborns… ONE means ONE. And it should be celebrated accordingly. I learned that talent comes in all shapes and sizes. I learned that my kids are ornery… seriously, obnoxiously, ornery. I learned that an annual girl-trip is a must. I learned to accept my flaws…every last one of them. I concluded that Halloween is the freak’n most fabulous holiday of all.
I learned that fantasies don’t always have to be an indulgence. I learned that this blog (and a glass of wine) is all the therapy this home-girl needs. I learned that puppy-dogs really do have a place in my heart, like it or not. I learned to take a stand on what I really love and to own it. And I learned that family is, without a doubt, the center of my universe.
I learned to let bygones by bygones. I was taught that contentment is a learned way of life. I realized that faith is a little bit magic and a whole lot belief. I learned that Christmas isn’t Christmas without a butt-load of family and a ten-pound ham. I learned that craftastic is a freaking word… look it up. I learned that it’s okay to embrace tradition. I learned that “0 comments” on four consecutive blogs doesn’t mean I’m a failure. And I learned that twelve days of Christmas is just enough to make it a holiday meant to remember.
I am a new person going into twenty-twelve. I have morphed into a mother of two, wife of one and perfectionist to none. I have set my goals to value only Him up above. I have attained a contentment and creativity threshold that I never dreamed I’d achieve.
I am me. And in 2012, that’s gonna be a whole lot more.
