LiamsLife - liamslife

We've wanted to get you in a Martial Arts class since before you were born. We love the idea of focus and respect--of mindfulness and physical training. (You, of course, just like the idea of being a like a Ninja). You've asked me many times over the last 6 months or so for a Kung Fu class but I just haven't been able to find one that will accept a 3 year old (which makes sense really). 

In so many ways I see myself in you--the way you freak out when you can't breathe (or think you can't breathe) and how scared you are when you feel stuck in your clothing. You got my love of mayonnaise and super sense of smell (not to mention my eyes). And I can't help but see myself in your anxiety when you can't solve a problem right away, and in how TERRIFIED you are of getting something wrong or being "in trouble." 

After storytime each night Daddy leaves and I stay behind to nurse/cuddle you for a few extra moments just the two of us. It's time I mostly love (though on occasion I've been tired and irratable at having to put off whatever pressing task I feel breathing down my neck). I love feeling you curled in my arms, the day melting away and your breathing growing deeper. Latley it's been hard to pull myself away from the darkness in which you remain little and soft and mine (when all day you are "big" and strong and very much your own person). And I've always felt a little sad for your Daddy because he doesn't get that time. Didn't get to nurse, wasn't your "one" the way I have been. Tonight you made my heart ache in the best possible way when you said goodnight to him. 

You were assessed today to see if, as you put it, you were a "good fit" for the ACE academy preschool. It's been an interesting journey coming to decide that we did want to send you to this school (at least for this year) but I think that's a whole other post (which will be coming soon). 

You've been interested in archery for months now (since December at least). I suppose it was a natural out growth of your obsession with Knights spurred on by the fantasy of Robin Hood (for you it began with longbowmen, then you fell in love with Robin Hood until your focus shifted to crossbows, and now you've discovered that you just like archery in general). 

We took you to the doctor for your three year old well check last week (a little late I know). You were weighed and measured: I think it was 36 lbs and 39inches. The doctor spent a few minutes with you and then told me that you are doing well, are on track to being 6'1"+ and are "a really smart boy" (none of which was a surprise). It was strange not to spend our time in the office dealing with shots as we have at every other well check since you were born. I guess you are officially a big kid now. 

Liam and I have had some awesome daddy-son time recently.  On Spring Break, we stole away for an afternoon of shopping for Ruth's birthday.  He was an enthusiastic critic of the various perfumes we tried, and spoke with everyone who we met....what a change from the shy boy he has been!

 

Just yesterday, Liam and I went to Sonic for lunch while Momma had to grade.  He placed his own order, asked me to sit next to him rather than across from him, and we enjoyed watching the traffic go by on the road outside.  He spontaneously snuggled up beside me and rested his head on my chest...bliss!  We made up stories about some of the people in the cars.  ("Where is the daddy, Liam?  Maybe he had to work because he is a doctor and is helping sick people!"

 

Today I asked you to go with your Oma and Opa to pick up KK so I could get some grading done. You said you didn't want to--that you wanted to be with me. I told you that I wanted to be with you too but that I really needed to get some work done since I'm behind in my grading. Your response impressed me: "Why don't I watch a movie while you grade mama? I'll be with you and you'll get your grading done." 

... you wailed last night. 

You are very interested in the Passover story this year--we've acted it out a dozen different ways, read it in multiple versions, played Seder, gone shopping for Passover foods, found holiday music, etc.... One of the more memorable moments for me of all this preperation is the trip we took to our local sisterhood Judaica shop. You spent roughly 45 minutes in the shop looking at a set of 10 plauge finger puppets and asking questions. The woman in the shop was amazed by your level of insight and empathy and kept asking me over and over if you were really just three. It was a wonderful slice of time--we were both engrossed in the midrash and really enjoying ourselves. As we left the woman pulled me over to tell me that she used to work in a Jewish Preschool and had never seen such an interaction even when the teachers were trying for it. I'm not sure if the compliment was aimed at you or at me but we both beamed at her--letting it add a little to our joy in the moment. So when she called me back to tell me one more thing I wasn't expecting the words that came out of her mouth. 

We've had a couple of AMAZING days in a row--most of the magic of which I can't really capture in words here. 

For all your impressive vocabulary (you were talking tonight about the "truncated pyramids" that were the barricades in the SeaWorld parking lot) You still frequently ask us "you said?" or "what you said?" instead of the more proper "what did you say?" 

I love your vocabulary. It never ceases to amaze me that I have a barely three year old who uses the phrase "it hurts so badly (rather than just "it hurts so bad!") or that you bust out with completely unexpected words like "anthropomorphized." Today you were jumping on the trampoline while I pulled weeds and I can't remember what you were talking about but you used the word "vulnerable" and it made me smile. 

I managed not to write an update about your birthday and I've been feeling bad enough about it that I just keep not posting. This is precisely the same type of procrastination cycle I hope never fall into and so I'm doing my best to set a good example. 

You are officially READING (very preliminary reading but reading!)

You are growing so fast (and I'm getting so slow at updating!) 

at least a dozen times a day you'll stop something you are doing and look up at me with such earnestness it makes my heart skip a beat and ask "Mama: big kids can handle this?" (translation: is this a big kid activity? Can most 2 year olds do this?) And you are SO very VERY proud when the answer is no. 

• "Mommy? Mommy I have a story to ask you"
• "I need a little attention"
• "SO: (dramatic pause) Once upon a day..." 
• "There are NO lions in this story" (you used to start every story with "yesterday there was a lion on my roof") 
• "I'm telling you a short story right now"
• "there are no dinosaurs that want to eat candy in this story either--I have another story about that I'll tell you in a minute but first I have to tell you my short story"
• "One day there was a knight but he didn't have a sword. So he said GIVE me a SWORD! And they gave him one so he got one. And then he went to war 'cause it was raging and then he won so he came home and that is the end of my short story"
• Now I have a long story to tell you: "One day there was a happy family of four dinosaurs and they had BIG scary teeth because they were carnevous but they were friendly dinasours. All of them were friendly. The big dinosaur and the little dinosaur and the other dinosaur and then there was one more little dinosaur and they were ALL friendly--all four of them. But they had big sharp teeth and they liked to eat ice cream. So one day a monkey came down from his tree house and saw them and he got scared because they have big sharp teeth so he went AAAAAAAAAACK and he ran back into his tree house and they called to him "We are FRIENDLY ROARRRRRRR!" And he came out and said 'really?" and they said YES WE WANT TO EAT ICE CREAM WE DON'T EAT MONKEYS BECAUSE WE ARE FRIENDLY. DO YOU WANT TO BE ON OUR TEAM?!" And he said yes and they all ate ice cream together at ice cream land." 
• Mommy that is all the stories I have right now. 
• (What about the story with the dinosaurs that wanted to eat candy--you said you had one to tell me?) 
• "I changed it because that story went out of my head." 
• Did you like my stories? 
• Tell it to me back--tell them to me ALL back. 

For many years people have told me that once I had a kid I'd cave and give into Christmas--that any kid would be deprived without Santa and a Christmas tree. And it's always made me mad (but probably at least partly because I've always feared they were right). 

I just reread the entry below about how your imaginary friend has no name and I realized that I've never recorded (and figure I will since this is just for recording things about you) that you NEVER come up with names for you imaginary friends. You will concoct dog after dog out of your imagination (and when I ask you to describe them you will give me physical descriptions) but when I ask you for their names you always tell me I need to check their collars. 

We had an interesting "first" the other day, at the grocery store: 

Yesterday while going potty you asked me, with utterly adorable earnestness, "mama--I've been growing older and older and older a lot--am I gonna die soon?" 

• you can go potty by yourself (the whole deal: walk into the stall, lock it, take down your pants, adjust the seat, climb up, do your business, get down, pull up pants and boxers, do your snap/zipper, flush, unlock the door, and emerge)
• you can strap yourself into your carseat (this is still tough but you CAN do it)
• we FINALLY found a pair of shoes--not rainboots--that you can do yourself
• you can make your own sandwich
• you play better (and longer) by yourself. 
• you climb trees!

Liam--you and your mom took your first overnight trip without me this week.  I can't believe how much I'm missing you two.  I love that you are asking to call home and talk to me at night, and your mom is telling me stories about your awesome trip to the zoo, and that you will be home in a couple of hours.

 

And I know that you will tell me all about your adventures! 

"that's astounding!" (to the pool guy showing you how the pool chemical test kit works)

"well that was counterproductive..."  (when you ran out of your shoe trying to catch up to Cristina at the zoo)

"I'm like a person!"  (said very excitedly when I handed you your pistachios and the money to purchase them several isles away from the checkout and told you to go ahead)

 

You woke from a dead sleep this morning saying "I'm so excited!" and then woke up with a big grin. As we were dressing to go to the Fall Festival with Kate you heard a mysterious howling from the front of the house. "What's that?!" you asked. I assured you that I didn't know and you decided to check it out... Awaiting you in the halls was your very scary Big Bad Opa Wolf. You were DELIGHTED and happily spent the time it took me to get us ready playing hunter and stalking grandpa.

 

The festival was low key and fun, we managed my car refusing to start at the gas station on the way home, even got you a long nap before trick-or-treating.

 

You seemed to really enjoy the trick-or-treating ritual (even if too few houses participated this year) and we ended the night (as always) at Auntie Jean and Mark's place (and then a brief midnight picnic on the deck).

 

I can't believe how lucky we are to have a kid who stays up happily until 11:45 (and then goes to sleep just as happily). And I can't believe how recently it seems like we were watching you stand wobbly on the neighbors' stoops for your first Halloween. (This year Daddy and I even stood at the curb while you did a few houses by yourself--how the time flies!)

 

It's late now, and I'm tired. But I couldn't let Novemeber come without telling the world this morning's salutation.

 

I'm so excited too... excited to have you. Excited to see you grow, excited to keep learning about what excites you.

 

Mama loves you kiddo. Happy Halloween!

You are really into scary things and bravery right now. The child-development aware part of me knows that you are trying to work out some pretty weighty psychological issues (reality vs pretend, death, darkness, change/stability, accepting your limitations, understanding power, etc) but on the surface you are just a little boy who is IN LOVE with the dark/scary imagery of Halloween. And really the timing has been fun for all of us. We are loving spending hours in seasonal shops trying on masks, driving around looking at neighbors front-yard graveyards, and playing endless games of "boo"...

 

It's all fun. But this season's highlight for me (so far) was going to SeaWorld's HallowScream with you. We got there during the "family friendly" timeframe before 6:00, met up with friends, did a few kiddy activities, and went through a sesame street themed "maze" that you quietly told me was "lame." It was great to see friends but, you were right--the maze was a touch lame (at least for you, who isn't really into characters--and WILL NOT hug random people in costumes). But things got so much better after dark. They really did a GREAT job with the fun/fright factor and you were in hog HEAVEN wandering amongst the random growling zombies and other death-ravaged actors. (Not what I'd imagined doing with my two year old but I believe in following the childs interest and you were INTERESTED!) You even hugged your first theme-park character--a gypsy woman haunting with Dr. Voodo (the 6'4" Louisiana sythe weilding death-monger) You sat and watched this pairing for several minutes, asking about the sythe, about the scary theatre makeup, the ghoulish features, the strange hair, ect. Then you asked me so sweetly "mama can I go hug that little woman?" and so we asked--and you were allowed to (you then spent atleast 15 more minutes chatting up the pair with talk of your sword, bravery, and recent adventures). You loved "the butcher" and cackled with glee when you sucessfully BOOed one of the roaming creatures ("I scared him mama--I'm pretty spooky. He didn't know I am so brave!")

 

You wanted to go into the scariest depths of the haunted  forest (Daddy and I decided that it wasn't worth over an hour of waiting in line--and that if we did it this year what would be left when you were older?) It's hard to record the energetic vibration of you--how alive you became, how thrilled and how very obviously you were working on your fears--on expectations, on playing with being scared. (It's funny because on the surface of it it seems SO wrong to take you to something like this--but I think, in a weird way, it was exactly what you needed for the developmental spot you are in right now).

 

You couldn't get enough of the goulishness but there was another delight this weekend: at 38.5 inches you are FINALLY tall enough to ride the kid roller coaster! (Not just the ferris wheel and spinny rides as you have before--but an actual little roller coaster) you LOVED LOVED LOVED it! We rode over and over again hands in the air, eyes wide, giggling, laughing, WEEEEEEEing to our hearts delight (sadly you are still a fraction of an inch too short to ride the big Journey to Atlantis your cousins so love--but by the time it's warm enough again to really NEED the Flume ride you will be able to. Whooo hoo!

 

Some of my very favorite memories of childhood are those last 45 minutes before an amusement park closed down--the crazy mad dash of trying to squeeze every last drop out of the park that you possibly can. I remember it with a sort of intensity I can't quite explain and didn't even remember until we were doing it again this weekend. But there was something about watching ride after ride close behind us, about riding the coasters over and over with no agonizing wait, about being the only ones running through the crazy contortions meant for crowd control... there's something about that magic hour, running off into the dark shouting thanks over your shoulder to the operators who kept the ride open a few seconds late so you could have one last "one last"... about the wide eyed, lusty, search for anything that's still open. The last notes of the last show, the palpable relaxation of the crew now that the day is done.... I don't know, for me at least, it's really magic. (And when you top off all that exhillaration with an impromptu picnic in the still darkness of an abandoned parkinglot at midnight, and the softness of a sleepy boy who is utterly PLAYED OUT, falling asleep in your lap... it's not just really magic--it' makes magic real.) 

I don't know what has happened, but for the past few days, you've been asking me to stay with you at night.  It may be a case of anyone is better than no one, but I'll take it.  I love hearing your breathing as you try to settle in to bed.  I love that I was so tired, I kept reading silly non sequiters, and you recognized it...(to the point of pinching my nose to wake me back up).

 

I don't like how much less time I've had with you, and I am so grateful that we are finding ways to make some of that back.

 

Thanks, buddy.  You make my day (and night)

We were playing opposites the other day in the car (I say a word and you give me the opposite).

 

Hot: Cold

Up: Down

Fast: Slow

Stop: Go

 

and on and on we went in completely unremarkable (though highly enjoyable) fashion.

 

And then... I got silly... (and tricky--or so I thought)

 

Mom: "High"

Liam: "Low"

Mom: "Hi"

Liam: "Bye"

"Bye" ?

"Sell!!!!!"

 

pretty darn cool (and much cooler when told orally. I'm not sure it translates into the written word)

I've always looked forward to the time with you are able to fully participate in art projects AND make beautiful results. (I know it's bad but I DO care if the art is pretty not just that you did it!) Don't get me wrong. I've loved scribbling with you and painting (I actually really like some of your past paintings too now that I think about it) but there was always always the desire to do an art PROJECT with you and not feel like I needed to either do too much or end up with muddled over painted goopy yuckiness....

 

Art was a huge part of my childhood and I've looked really forward to seeing what kind of art you would make when you got old enough...

 

And this week I got my wish! In the middle of painting together on your easel I decided to try the old ink-splot butterflies (fold the paper in half, paint half a butterfly on one side, fold in half again, press to make a copy, open and VIOLA!) And we both had a WONDERFUL time. The kind of over-the-top I-can't-stop-laughing-'cause-I'm-so-happy giddyness (on my part) and where's-the-next-peice-of-paper-I-can't-get-enough-of-this enthusiam (on both our parts).

 

It was really REALLY fun to watch you master this project (you truly could do it all by yourself--except I put on spots of glue for the googly-eyes). Not only could you do it without help (even staying on one side of the paper which I thought might be too hard) but it also made beautiful results!

 

We loved it--so much we even did it again a few days later (this time with glitter). 

Today you asked to look through the quasi baby book we'd started for you when I was pregnant and then you wanted me to read some of the early journal entries I'd written here. It was fun to go back through all those old entries and see what has (and hasn't) changed.... and I realized how lackadaisical I've become about recording you.

 

It's harder now. It's easy to record the number of seconds a newborn can hold up its head or the new words your baby is beginning to use. It's much harder to pin down and describe the essence of a formed human being... which you are now. Obviously you have a TON of growing and developing to do still. But you are a person in ways you just weren't when you were tiny.

 

Now you are a great date, a wonderful companion, an actual HELP with chores and such. And I'm not sure it's possible to capture, with the written word, some of the small changes you'll undergo in the next few months/years. Like right now you say "pot" instead of "spot" and you still can't pronounce your name correctly. Your voice goes high and airy when you are excited (which you call 'cited') and you still have all the sweet physical turbulence of two.

 

It's hard to explain you. You are the child who remembers the grocery list and reminds me when I forget to pick up paper towels or what-not, the kid who polices EVEYTHING (looking in the bathroom trashcan this morning: "mama--that tube needs not to be in there. That is PAPER trash (recycling) not trash!", "those crazy drivers need NOT make those bad choices. They need to get their priorities right and wear a HELMET!", at the dinner table watching KK struggle to cut her chicken: "KK--you need to SAW it, SLIDE that knife!", watching Opa clear his spot after breakfast: "Granpa be CAREFUL not to break that bowl. Put it in CAREFULLY", etc) You are the kiddo who is decidedly NOT afraid of things people often try to avoid exposing kids to (death, fires, war, needles, pain, etc) but is TERRIFIED of some of the cartoon characters on UmiZoomi, and can tremble with fear at the idea of imaginary dragons. You are TOUGH about injuries ("fallin is part of trampoline-in mama", "I fell ALL THE WAY off my scooter and HIT MY HEAD SOOOO HARD", "I don't need kisses. It will heal--Ouchies heal") but who will still crawl into my arms and beg to cuddle my breast for comfort if you get a little scratch when you are tired.

 

You are amazingly conversational--"Oh sorry I didn't know that. I thought it was X" and "I've never EVER done that before mama--have you done it before?" and "I'm so excited 'bout ____" are very common utterances. And yet you still have the lack of social editing that is such a part of childhood. "Oh maaaaan. I'm sad 'bout _____" "Sometimes I just like to make bad choices." and of course you still don't totally understand that sometimes you don't get to interrupt the grownups (but then I haven't done a great job of teaching you that).

 

You are a boy who can ride his bike (on the Trail-Gator) for 7+ miles laughing and talking and working the whole way (in 100+ weather) and then decide a few blocks from home that you are tired and would like to take a nap in the trailer rather than ride the rest of the way.

 

You understand SO much of what we say in everyday conversation (even when we don't want you to) but still sometimes call your elbows your ankles.

 

You care about feelings. A lot. Yesterday when we were eating breakfast with Marie and Bill you watched Marie tell a story about work and couldn't tell what she was feeling. You asked me if she was happy or sad. Or was she frustrated? Or confused? (I told you to ask her, she explained that she'd been happy, then worried, frustrated, then relieved and so it made sense that you couldn't tell. You seemed to follow and were much relieved to know the answer)

 

You spontaneously told Oma the other day that the drought is caused by the high pressure air telling the rain 'NO NO GO AWAY!' and blowing it away (and that we needed some low pressure air to tell the rain 'come here...'). You understand that our food goes down our esophagus (not our tracheas--unless we choke) into our stomachs, where we digest the food to get the nutrients (which feeds our bodies), that the food then goes through our intestines and we poop out the waste. (You even told us the other day that cars make poison with the waste from their gas the same way we make waste from our food.) And yet you CANNOT remember to call football "football" and not "baseball" (even though you LOVE both games!)

 

You can crack an egg (you are working on learning to separate them), chop veggies (with your Curious Chef knife *LOVE*), pound chicken, operate the food processor, work the toaster, get your own glass of water, set/clear your place, put on/take off your own apron, (un)fold and maneuver your step stool, make a meringue, etc.. And yet you still think its fun to eat like a puppy whenever we let you.

 

You haven't used a diaper in ages (we've gone to underwear even at night now--though we could have done it months ago) and yet you still want to nurse at every possible moment.

 

You can swipe my card, enter my pin number, and navigate the "yes" "no" "enter" menu at HEB/Target/etc. You are starting to recognize whole words and can do mazes and lots of preschool workbook activities ("Circle the one that doesn't belong" "match the objects to their mates" "find the hidden pictures" "which of these would you wear in the cold" "what is the child feeling" "what's wrong with this picture") by yourself. But you still really don't know (or care much about) your ABCs.

 

You sleep in your own bed most nights from bedtime until 7:00 and have even started agreeing to go to bed when given a choice (you never were a BIG bedtime fighter in the past but you'd have always chosen something (anything) other than going to sleep in your own bed if given the opportunity). You can take yourself potty (you are recently enamored of the fact that you are finally tall enough to pee standing up without a stool. Whoo hoo!), You can jump on one foot, your vocabulary is totally unquantifiable (what other two-year old knows the word "sundry?).

 

You tell me all the time that you are big.... and you are right.

 

And

 

You will ALWAYS be my baby.

 

Happy 2 1/2 years buddy.

 

I say it all the time but it's so true--you are SO grown up and verbal and precocious and amazing (right now you are fascinated with the fact that the WHOLE universe used to be as tiny as tiny can be "smaller than a flea's freckle" and then it EXPLODED and all the matter banged into each other until it stuck like play dough and that is how the universe got started...) Most of the time I talk to you like an elementary kid and you understand practically everything I say. But then tonight you made me laugh by showing off your two-ness. On the way home you were talking about the moon and how small a sliver it was. I agreed and labeled it a crescent moon. You then told your daddy to look at the "crescent roll moon". Then while reading a favorite bedtime story "Chickens to the Rescue" when daddy asked you where the chickens were in the last scene you said they were in the "chicken coupon"

 

And you are still two. When other people are around (even very good friends) you still clam up and I'll look up at a playdate to realize that you haven't spoken more than 10 words in the last hour. Or when our dear friends Aly and Yemboardo (Aly--correct me if I got that wrong which I think I might have) were in town you kept asking "why" "why" "why" to the point of hilarity. (I realized later that because we were having "grown up" visiting time I didn't answer your questions to the extent I normally would and thus I left you NEEDING to ask an almost endless series of whys to get the answers you'd normally get with one or two whys (and a mommy that provides a lot of extra info). It was pretty funny to hear you sound like a stereotypical two year old when most of the time you really don't. (And cool to realize how much you really do want to understand. You aren't asking "why" just to ask--you want an answer and you won't stop until you get a real one that you can understand. Good for you!)

 

On a side note you amazed me today by pulling out a box of Matzah from our cupboard and saying "Whoa mama we still have these. These are my favorite. I liked these during Passover I didn't know we had them anymore. We eat these during Passover when we can't eat chametz..." I didn't know you would remember all that. It makes me re-think my sort of lackadaisical approach to holidays. I thought it was time to start kicking it up a notch but now I'm SURE (and here I go off to try to figure out some High Holy Day activities... Do I get points for having made you a shofar shirt already? And it's not even September yet?)

 

Very little about today was atypical but it was a magic combination--today was, at least for me, absolute PERFECTION.

 

You slept in your own bed until 8:30 (unheard of!) and then came into my room with a sweet smile. You cuddled and nursed for another hour and then asked if we could use my sewing machine. I asked what you wanted to sew and you suggested a pillow. Together we dug out the scraps of soft material left over from the sleep sack I made you months ago and you helped me measure and cut out a pillow case for your favorite small pillow. You were careful and concientious with the rotary cutter and listened perfectly to all directions. Then you pushed the foot pedal while I worked the top part of the machine and together we delighted in watching the scraps of material become a pillow case. (On which you are napping as I type this.)  

 

After a quick play session in your room and a nice breakfast we started talking about water and why it behaved the way it did. I linked it back into the discussion of gravity we'd been having earlier and decided to bust out some straws/cups/syringe/pans/etc for an impromptu demonstration. You literally vibrated with joy as we played for a good 45 minutes with all the different ways water can move. (Your favorite was pushing water into a 6 foot long chain of straws that I held in a "U" shape and then deciding which end to lower. You cackled with glee and chanted "water ALWAYS goes to the lowest point!" when the water gathered in the middle and then spilled out the lowered end. We did this OVER and OVER. Both of us totally immersed (and only a little wet).)

 

Then you wanted to cuddle again... fun imaginitive play in my bed, nursing, talking about the stories we've been reading, more cuddling. A pretty typical time actually. Just somehow even more magical.

 

And off to run some errands. (Who'd have thought that a trip to Garden Ridge to return a broken vase would be part of a capital-P "Perfect" day?) We found a soft chair in the fake jungle of the Garden Ridge and sat down to read some pre-school readiness books. We bothed loved the "what's different" pictures and the mazes. You struggled with the patterns but declared spontaneously "This is so much fun working with you mama!" several times. (You were right!) Then we checked out and I found some cherry candies that reminded me of the ones your daddy brought me on our first date. You told me I should get them "'Cause we love Daddy" (You were right again!)

 

We stopped by the teacher store to get you a hand positioner to help you hold your pencil (you've become OBSESSED with mazes latley) and had a great time looking at more activity books. The cashiers thought you were four and had a great time talking with you about your letters, the sparkly green pencil and monkey eraser you were so proud to be getting, etc.)

 

On the way home we were co-telling the story of the Three Little Pigs (I decided a few nights ago that you were woefully ignorant of the typical American kid's cannon and we've been working to rememdy that. So far you think that Golidilocks is rude, that the bears should have locked their door (right again), Stone Soup is really cool, and that there is NO such thing as too many recesitations of The Three Little Pigs.) I offered a brief stop at the library to get a few different versions of the story and you agreed. While I searched for that story you picked up "A Bad Case of Stripes" and started reading to yourself ("Camilla loved lima beans but never ate them". <turn page> "Mom came in and went AAAAAAHHHHHK!" <turn page> "next morning was a DISASTER!" <turn page> ....) Eventually I found a few other books and we went to check them out. You climbed up on the stool and busied yourself scanning your bounty on the self-check out. Sweetly you asked if we'd gotten any DVDs. I said no but asked if you wanted to keep scanning while I grabbed one for you. You agreed and I went to see if there were any good films for you. When I came back, disc in hand I found you still perfectly scanning (it was a big pile of books) completely oblivious to the small crowd of stunned grown-ups watching you. Several people told me how amazing you are. I agreed, we scanned our movie, and you hopped down, took my hand and said. "C'mon mom. I'm tired. Lets go home, read from the wolfs perspective, and take a nap."

 

And so we did. (And you are)

 

Words can't capture most of the magic of you at two. You are simply (and powerfully) perfect.

Tonight as I took my leave from your bed after our usual few minutes of cuddling time I whispered in your ear "I don't want to let go" and you whispered back "then don't" ...

 

if only it were that easy kiddo. I want to hol dyou and cuddle you forever. And it's really hard because you are NOT a cuddly guy during the daylight hours. But at night you want to be spooned, and your ear MUSt be on my arm just so and you like to have your feet tucked between my legs and your hand held in a certain way... I lie there every night breathing in the warmth and the sweet little person smells. I feel your heart beat and feel your chest rise and fall and I want to melt into that moment. I want to hold you close and melt into eachother. It's the closest thing I'll ever feel to being pregnant with you again and it's pretty amazing. I hate that you think I always want to leave even when you want me to stay...

 

when in reality I'd SO much rather cuddle you than tackle the laundry, clean my room, deal with paperwork, or pretty much anything else.

 

This responsibility stuff--it sure is a double edged sword.

it is somehow utterly adorable to hear you say "MAN" in general but it's especially hillarious in that you often do it in the middle of a hissy fit: You will be SCREAMING and THRASHING and insisting that the world must END RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW if you don't get your way and I will tell you (calmly and for the 40th time) that whatever it is you wanted is not an option right now for X reason.... and I'll pcik you up to physically remove you. And suddenly the flailling stops and you just go "oh MAAN!" (It's probably the surest sign to me that we are doing a good job in your parenting--you know screaming doesn't get you your way).

 

You also say "I'm sad about that" or "I'm sad about sumpin" sometimes (often followed by an "I wish" statement) I am SO proud of you for being able to express these feelings. (You also are quite interested when I express them. "Mama--you sad about that? But we can't do ___ right now. We can't.")

 

too sweet. 

It's hard to capture you in words these days (which is funny since you are so full of words yourself!)

 

Right now it's easy to get lazy and write nothing, to leave the camera at home and busy myself enjoying you instead of recording you. You are a bundle of energy and a non-stop fount of entertainment. (You are also finally falling into some of what many call the "terrible two" year-old behavior). Being your mom right now is 98% total crazy heart melting DELIGHT and 2% “REALLY KID?!”

 

I'm hoping you'll let me get video because my writings here just don't catch you. You are all zest and chutzpah and inquisitiveness right now. But you are also still the sweet little tiny guy of last year and the emerging gentleman too. It's an adorable package. Fearless in the face of imaginary fire, brave beyond on your rollerblades, but still a little lapful of nursing guy (terrified by our dear friend Jen crawling around with silly wolf ears on). One moment you'll be wrestling an imaginary shark graphically describing chopping it's head off and using the blood to attract more sharks. And then next you will crawl into my arms, nestle in my arms, grab my face and tell me, "I love your milk mommy. Thank you for taking care of me. I want to nurse you now."

 

Your daddy has taken to calling you mercurial (and he's not wrong) but I'd say the most descriptive word about you at this age is "conscientious" (with a hefty dose of sweet and an almost equal measure of willful). You clean up after random kids in stores, scold people for not following rules, police my grammar, and patrol your play dates for "bad choices". But it's not just that you are the world's smallest hall-monitor--You are also just really interested in helping people. Like your dad you often use food to send messages of love--remembering the item at the grocery store I was afraid I'd forget, telling me we need something for dinner that is on Granpa's diet, bringing daddy icecream whenever you have some, etc. You insisted, tonight, on serving everyone noodles at dinner (pausing every few spoonfuls to ask "more?"). A few days ago you surprised Oma on the way out the door to work with a soda you'd hidden--telling her you'd kept it safe in your treasure box for her. When you have a treat you always share it with Daddy and me (even if it's just a pretend lollipop). The last several times you've been given money you've insisted on putting it in the pushke (charity box) instead of in your piggy bank. Most of your imaginary play revolves around serving and/or saving people and you sing endless renditions of "When I grow up I want to be a firefighter!" The other day you told me you want to be a hero someday... I think you are on your way.

 

 

• "I start with L. I am ee-uhm" Is your response when people ask you your name--you can't say "Lee-uhm" (sorry we gave you such a tough name) so you came up with this work-around. I'm impressed (even if people never understand it)
• you go to "school" each night in your dreams and tell us (often in much detail) what you learned while dreaming. "They taught me 'bout daddy's car mama." What did they teach you about Daddy's car buddy? "Daddys car is for real black. I can call it orange or yellow or white but it still is, for real, black!" (I'm sorry but I'm IMPRESSED with your night-time teachers. The idea that language is totally arbitrary is something I spent a semester trying to make my students understand--and even then they often miss the point).
• You are obsessed with pretending to be your daddy. "I am daddy" you say before taking the sippy cup lid off and drinking with both hands. It's a constant game (and, of course, daddy then becomes Liam). But it's adorably flexible. You are daddy when it means getting to drink like a grown up, or play mario cart by yourself... but if you want to nurse or we teasingly offer you daddy's spicy food (or tell you you can't eat the Reeces because daddy's allergic) you quickly insist "No I am EE-uhm--he's daddy!"
• You are interested in birthdays and have begun, like so many kids do, reciting the order the birthdays come in our family. "Daddy's birthday is next. I had a birthday a long time ago. It's not my birthday yet. First Daddy. Then me. Then mama."
• You can go potty by yourself. We'll be playing and you'll say "I have to go potty" and run off to do just that. You also get your own drinks of water, put away your toys (mostly without being asked) do a number of small chores, and the other day (when daddy told you you needed to eat some real food for breakfast before you had a cupcake) got the ceral out, poured yourself a bowl, and were sitting on the floor with the bowl of ceral and the gallon of milk contemplating how to pour without making a mess when daddy found you a few minutes later.
• You ask "why" ALL the time (and about everything). You also answer the why questions for yourself. (For example--driving home tonight you observed that a passing cyclist was not wearing a helmet. "Why he not have a helmet on mama?" (Without my answering) "Why he think it too hot in that helmet? Why he want to be cool? Why he make a bad choice?" (Of course I then told you there were other reasons he might not choose to wear a helmet--like maybe he didn't ride often or he might not have been taught how important it was.) "Why nobody taught him mama?" "Why you teach me?" "Why you love me and want to protect my brain?" ....
• You have great imagination (and clearly tell us when you are playing "'tend". You play pretend baseball, role play being aligators, make up stories, and generally impress us with your elaborate imaginative play. And then you come up with random cool facts that are not at all pretend ("No, Oma, that worm is our friend--green worms eat tomatoes--not that one") I don't know where you learned them. Typically when I ask you where you got these factoids you'll tell me "They taught me 'bout that at my school" but on ocassion you'll answer my "where did you get that?" question with "from my head". Too cute.
• "I hear that" (meaning "I got it")
• "You just saw that?"
• "After I..." (Do you want to go to the animal shelter? "Yes, afer we play this" Would you like some more food? "Yes, affer I drink", etc)
• You correct me all the time. "Bees dont' bite mama--they sting" (followed, of course, by "why you say bite?" , "Why you made a mistake?", "Why your brain got confused?" , ...)  
• "several" ("I want several tortillas with butter daddy. You hear that? Several.") Do other two year olds use "several"?)
• "Actually" -- are you done going potty buds? "No--It'll take me a little while to go... oh I am actually" (is it me or is this funny toddler talk?)
• "That's part of ..." --- "Fallin is part of skatin", "choking is part of drinkin" "burping is part of eating"
• "That's life" --yesterday in the car you were talking about the food chain "The big animals eat the little animals. Then the big animals die and the tiny little animals--the bugs eat doze big animals." You told us. Then you paused. "Why dose big animals die and those little tiny animals eat it to make it into dirt?" [pause] "Dat's life daddy--dat's life!"
• "I willn't" (It's your version of won't--a negated "will" which you pronounce more like "Wiw-ont" or "weow-unt")  
• "It's okay I..." (it's okay I climb that? It's okay I dump this? It's okay I go ahead?)

 

And for my grand finalle "tidbit" I'll type in real time every utterance I hear from you as you play in the other room with your cousin Zachary: "Why you said ..." "Why you want to do like that?" ""What are you going to do" "It goes like that" "Then I can't put my car down --it goes BAM" "It won't work like that. Look. You put it together. What are you going to do with that car? Why you did that" It doesn't go down like that. It goes like that. No you I---you can't do it. It doesn't go in there. It doesn't go like that. Don't do it like that. Just park him in here. What you say? I need him. Look bamn it fell. Look it went all the way bam. Ack. I need to--ack. It doesn't go like that. He's on the floor. Over there. He goes right here. oh look. You say that? Why you put it on this track? What you said? What are you doing? Where is your car? You saw that? It fell bamm. No--that way. Whoooo, vrroooom. Wehhh. Bamn. What you are going to do? Why are you going to put them away? I like lot of them. I like lot of them. These are cars. Don't put them away. A LOT. There, like that. We put them up like that. What you going to do? Where are you going? What are you going to do? Why you put it up there? Where is it now? Where is it now? Where is your car? Where is your car now? Why'd you put yours away?. No we're playing. We're just playing. What's that sound? What you're going to do?"  .... and on it goes... (and I go to join in)

You've gotten in the habit of checking yourself for a c-section scar when you go potty. You announce, every time, that you don't have a scar but that I do. Because you don't have a baby in your uterus but I did. For a while this led to a recitation of your birth story ("I stuck one arm out, and then pulled it back in, and then I stuck a leg out and pulled it back in....") which delighted us both. But now you typically follow this initial acknowledgement that I was once pregnant up with a request for a baby brother or sister. It’s not that I hadn’t expected you to petition for a sibling at somepoint I just hadn’t expected it to come so soon (or for you to be so persuasive!) You are determined, and (so typically Liam—hyper rational) If one approach doesn't work you just try another one:

"Liam why does mommy need to have another baby?"

·   "Because you can hold it and cuddle it" (But Liam, mommy has you to hold and cuddle, and besides babies grow up and you can't hold and cuddle and pet them forever")

·   "Because I can play with her!" (But Liam if mommy had another baby it would be too little to play with you at first) "I be gentle until she grow up--and then she can play with me!"

·   "Because I never had a brother and my sister died"

 

and on it goes. (I'm halfway waiting for you to tell me that we need a baby so that we don’t smother you, or so that you have someone to help you care for us in our old age…)

Well, Liam, my day/days/week/month have been excellent...

Liam has become quite the conversationalist, wanting to know how we are doing, how our day has been, and various other checkings-in.  He loves knowing about my work day, and usually can keep straight where I'm working.  He asks about what I do at each of my positions, and is tickled pink that I teach students about numbers and shapes...and he was so proud on Shabbat...he walked up halfway to the front of the room, then asked me to walk with him the rest of the way, where he announced for all to hear that "My daddy has A JOB!" with a huge grin...very happy moment.

 

Memories are funny things--I never know how well they approximate reality or not (and yet I know that reality is irrelevant--it's the perception that matters)... but I think about memory a lot when I'm with you. I wonder what you'll remember of this time in your life (if anything). I hardly remember my dad and I was more than twice your age when he died (and yet my mom remembers stuff from before she could walk so who knows?). I don't know if you'll remember anything that happens now in any real way. I tend to hope so, because I think our lives are pretty good now. But then something happens like what happened this afternoon and I wish I could erase it.

 

We had an amazing morning together. Really. It was one of those calendar days when a mom feels like all is right in the world. Her child is the kid she wants him to be, she is the mom she always wishes she was, the weather is perfect, the grass is green, the world is smiling and birds burst into song while you skip by in rainbow tinted slow motion.

 

We ran errands, had lunch in the park, you asked me to pull the car over to kiss you more, it was nothing special and yet it was SO SPECIAL. And then more of the same for the afternoon: We did some yard work. We worked happily side-by-side raking and filling yard-waste bags. We ate popsicles and watched roly-polys. I dug and raked and bagged leaves. You worked beside me with your little rake, watered plants, played with your balls,

 

At one point drifted off to draw with chalk in the driveway. I remember thinking, after about 15 minutes of silence on your part, that with a different child I'd have to investigate because it would be a classic case of "too quiet" and then I went back to work thinking smugly how happy I was to have a child I can trust when he's not quite within sight. (Hubris alert)

 

A few minutes later you emerged positively BEAMING telling me triumphantly that you'd drawn some pictures. I asked if I could come see them and we both virtually skipped over so that you could show me your art.

 

Here's where I messed up. As we rounded the corner I saw not the world of imagination you'd created and invited me into... but the MESS that was the chalk lines all over my car, the garage doors, the upended Kiddie-Go, etc... I didn't yell. I wasn't even mad. But I said "no no David" which is our code for ooops you made a bad choice (from "No David" which starts with David drawing on the walls--something you've never done before).

 

And when I said it your face fell... like I've never NEVER seen it before. One second your eyes were alight and your face alight with pride and joy and openness. And the next (oh the next) your mouth was agape and you were crying like you never cry. "I was drawing some pictures!" you told me and I didn't get it... I said "I know you were drawing pictures--but you can't draw on the walls baby". I told you that I wasn't mad--that we'd never talked about rules for chalk, that it was okay--that it was an honest mistake. That you just couldn't do it again. And then I got the hose and washed it all off--I showed you that it cleaned up and it was okay (usually when you are particularly upset it is because there's irreparable damage). But YOU weren't okay... you were really really sad. You told me that I shouldn't have washed it away. I couldn't figure it out but it was clear that this was about so much more than just some washed away pictures or fear of being in trouble....

 

And then I looked down and saw it. In your hand was a piece of chalk--a perfectly crayon shaped piece of chalk... a perfectly crayon shaped piece of PURPLE chalk...

 

And it all clicked. (And remorse came rushing in like a tidal wave)

 

Those lines--that "mess" all over the car/garage/etc... it was one single line--it was a continual, single wavering line of purple landscape... the landscape of your imagination. Not HAROLD'S Purple Crayon... Liam's purple chalk. You'd invited me into your very own storybook and I'd scolded you and washed it away.

 

I didn't get it. I rejected it. I erased it. (And it won't be the last time either)

 

I apologized, we talked about it. I hugged you, I asked you where the "window" was and showed you that I got it. But it wasn't the same...

 

I'm sorry. So so sorry. (And it won't be the last time either)

·   "Oh Josh"  This is your all-purpose exclamation it’s yikes and oops and wow all rolled into one. My favorite example happened a few weeks ago while driving to early morning open gym. I handed you back a PopTart and lost myself momentarily in thoughts of traffic and a touch of guilt about the lack of nutritious breakfast. You took a bite and then stopped suddenly mid-chew. I peeked in the mirror to make sure you weren’t choking and saw you cradling the toaster pastry in mid air-one hand supporting it’s weight the other hovering gently above it: “Oh JOSH!” You said “I forgot the bracha! Ha-MOAT-see lechem mean ha-aretz” and then you went back to eating just as if you hadn’t made my day.

·   "Ruth L-In-It":  You are really interested in names right now. You've also renewed your interest in letters. The two together caused an adorably PUNny conversation a few weeks ago: Driving down the road you pointed out, as you so often do, "My 'L' mama! My 'L' on that sign!" after a thoughtful pause you told me "mama--dat your 'L' too. Dere's an L in your name too."  I replied absentmindedly as I dealt with traffic "No pumpkin there's no 'L' in mama. Just 'M's and 'a's" You were quite patient with me. No mama--not your 'mama' name. You're Ruth name." I couldn't figure out where you were coming from so I asked you "Lets think for a second. Does 'r-r-Ruth' start with L like l-l-l-Liam?" Again you stood your ground--convinced you were right. "No mama, Ruth STARTS with an 'R' but it has an 'L' in it." I was really confused. "Why do you saw that pumpkin? Are you thinking about the "t" baby? A lowercase 't' ooks a little like an "l" but they aren't....are you thinking about my middle name? It has an L in it, actually it has two... " This time you interrupted me with satisfied vehemence: "Yes mama—‘Ruth L-in-it’" (Ruth Ellen).

·   "Sin-a-gong" (No story just a silly pronunciation) too cute. (I guess it also bears noting that you over-rode your father’s and my desire to stay home from service recently. Bizarre and very cool.)  

·   EEbee. May was the month of Eebee (or at least there was a week of Eebee in there). Eebee went everywhere with us, nursed at night, chose the bedtime stories, got strapped into your carseat with you, and even requested clothes from mommy’s sewing machine. It’s fun watching you be so nurturing. My favorite Eebee moment was watching you cuddle him during stories. At one point you covered his eyes, gathered him close and started bouncing him. “shhh shhh shhhh” you whispered: “I’ve got you. I’ve gottchu. I’ve gottchu” The rhythm was mine the words were mine… the love and tenderness was all yours. (You are such a love)

·   The Fly-Over. I never imagined you’d have a favorite highway?! But you do. You’ve fallen in love with the junction of Mopac North and 183. You ask to visit it frequently and will even, when upset, overly tired, etc, cry for it. “I want to go to the FLY OVER…<sob> <sniff> <whimper>!!!!” It’s weird. It’s kinda adorable. It’s very you. (In your defense it’s probably more about “the broken building” which you can see from the flyover that has you so intrigued. You love visiting that building and often tell the story of the man who made a bad bad BAAAD choice ‘cause he was so so angry. I think part of your wanting to visit the skeleton of the deconstructed office building is your trying to make peace with the idea that someone would fly an airplane into a building on purpose).   

·   “Sorry” I can’t count the number of times in a day I give thanks for your attitude. Being with you is just so gosh darn pleasant. And when you do mess up you apologize so freely and sweetly. Last night when daddy told you you’d left your fire station out in your room you jumped up from what you were doing “Sorry Dad!”, ran to correct it, and then came happily jaunting back in. (When I checked later you’d cleaned up perfectly all by yourself: fire-station and fire truck perfectly on their shelf with the little box of accessories tucked perfectly beside it. What two-year-old does that?)

·   I AM BIG! You’ve begun insisting that you are NOT LITTLE recently. You cry when people tell you you aren’t big enough for something (which, sadly, doesn’t help you look ‘big’). At the roller skating rink you HATED being told to skate on the kids rink (to your credit you were doing just fine out there with the big people), you resent not being allowed to spray the bug poison in the back yard, and you want to ride your bike everywhere even when it’s miles and miles away (“I am big I can ride so so so fast!”).  And while you are still very much a little guy in some ways you are also becoming very grown up. We can let you play by yourself at a playground—no need to hover (even at the VERY busy Duetch-Pfest we went to this week you did perfectly playing on the playscape among the other kids and negotiating the massive crowds to come and check in with us every now and then.) You can play by yourself in your room or the backyard for a long time (you even mostly follow the rules without a grown up around to enforce them, and clean up after yourself, etc). You can (and do sometime) take yourself potty (though you still can’t get your pants back on/up by yourself). You are just amazingly efficacious, you fix things, do chores, converse like a 3 year old, remember things I forgot (seriously you’ll remind me if I forget something at the store!)… you ARE big.  (And then you’ll get frustrated ‘cause you can’t get your tanagrams triangle back in it’s slot or crawl up in my lap and nurse to sleep and I look down at you and I remember that you really are still very small.

·   FIRST and THEN frequently I ask you which of two things you want or what order you want to do certain things—it’s a parenting tactic that’s supposed to let you have choices/power while simultaneously limiting those choices to “acceptable” options. I think you know what I’m doing most of the time but you play along ‘cause you know that I won’t typically give in if you choose an option that wasn’t on the list (ie “I know you want to play with your firetrucks but that’s not an option. Are you ready for your choices? Do you want to brush your teeth first or go potty first?”) Today you made me laugh with your manipulation of first/then. I promised you that we could go to Sonic for a drink after we ran some errands. Then later I asked if you’d rather go to Sonic after we finished at Lowes or go home and have a cookie instead? You picked up on the ‘after’ part of my question and decided to play with order and ignore it “instead part”. So you responded “First Sonic, then cookie, then Lowes.” I laughed and told you that wasn’t a choice—that we had to go to Lowes first.” You smiled impishly and replied (before I could limit your sweet choices) “Okay: FIRST Lowes, then Sonic, then cookie.” I giggles and told you that wasn’t a choice either. You cackled and said “Okay: First Lowes, then cookie, then Sonic!” We both got a good chuckle and then you said very sweetly “No No mama. I being silly. First Lowes, then cookie at home—a stripy one”. (PS you’ll think I’m exaggerating when you read this later. I’m not… you really do play these games).  

 

·   The letter of the law You are such a literalist—I don’t know if it’s your since of humor (it’s a big part of your dad and I’s shared humor) or if it’s just being two. Regardless of the intent amuses me. The other day you decided that you should be able to drive my car. I told you that you weren’t big enough yet. You said “yes I am—I’m HUGE look…” and arched your back and puffed your chest and stretched your neck and held your shoulders wide… I giggled and told you that you needed to be able to touch the pedals with your feet. You climbed down from the seat and put one foot on each pedal and looked at me defiant “I can mama. See I big!” I told you you needed to be able to see over the steering wheel to drive. You clambered back up and stood peering over the wheel: “I can see mama. I AM big I can drive”. I smiled and told you that you needed to be able to do them both at the same time. You paused, looked down at your legs, beamed up at me “I get bigger, bigger, stronger,  I can do it”, and climbed over the center console and into your carseat.

 

I keep meaning to write about reading with you.

 

 In short: WOW!

 In medium: it's a delight--an absolute highpoint of my daily life.

 In long: Your "pre-reading" amazes me. For several reasons.

 

1.   Synonyms: You don't memorize books the way I remember other kids doing it--with total fidelity to the specific words--you memorize stories. When we read we often leave out words/phrases to let you fill them in. When I've done this with other little people they tend to fill in the exact word I left out or nothing at all. You can (and often do) give the exact phrasing but what I find MUCH more impressive is when you use new words that mean the same thing. If I leave out "street" you may provide "road". If I leave out "fire station" you may provide "firehouse". For "all alone" you'll substitute "by herself" or "lonely" in the appropriate situations. I think this is a good indicator of your comprehension.

2.   Text-to-life and life-to-text. Several times a day you draw parallels between your life and your books and your books and life: "I feeling jealous like Simon", "I sticky like Billy", "Mama I have stomachache like caterpillar I need eat green leaf feel all better", "That dog look like my Duffy. Duffy dead. Not that dog. That Dog still alive." "That boy have helmet like me. I have one!"  It's gotten to where I'm no longer surprised by the connections you draw--and I make them frequently as well. Because we share stories we share an extra language of ideas/references--I had no idea how powerful that would be. I knew I'd love reading to you. I even expected that you'd get in to the stories at some point. What I hadn't expected was how much the stories would get in to you. 

3.   Predictions. We've curled up in your bed with our new Library book. I open to the first page (a two page spread of nothing but blue background and three small pigeons perched on a rooftop) "'The sky is so big,' Caruso said. 'Do I have to do it today?' 'No,' Mama said, 'but you'll have to do it soon." I pause to ask you what you think Caruso will have to do. "try an learn Fly!" you respond as if it was an obvious question. And then you add--"he's scared". uhm wow (have I mentioned that you are 27 months old?")

4.   Empathy. You look at the faces of everyone in your books: main characters, auxiliary characters, wildlife in the background, anthropomorphized vehicles, etc. And you comment easily about what people seem to be feeling. Why is the back-hoe angry? Why does the little girl look scared when the words say she is happy? That crying baby must want her mama, etc.

It started with you asking me "what you say?" whenever I made an comment to myself: I'd go "ack" or "hmmph" and you'd ask me "What you say mama? What you say 'ack' 'bout?" and I LOVED that (though it was bizarre to realize how often I make offhanded comments to myself).

 

And it's grown. Now you ask me "What you thinkin 'bout?" several times a day (also "what you checkin mama?" whenever I look at the clock, down the block to see a car, up at a door because I heard a noise, etc). We'll be eating lunch and fall into a companionable silence for a few moments and you'll look up at me sweetly and ask "what you thinkin 'bout mama?" it melts my heart everytime.

 

You ask me about other people too. People on the street, characters in books, other shopers at HEB. "What that woman thinkin?" "What she saying that for?" "What you talking about?" "Mama, why that little guy cryin?" "Why he say hmmmm?" It's a wonderful quest---to know what everyone is thinking ALL the time. To understand why everyone does what they are doing. I may not always have answers for you but I LOVE love LOVE that you ask. (Mostly because I love what it says about who you are, but I admit I also love people watching with you. I never thought I'd be postulating hypothetical social scenarios with my two year old. Or that you'd be so interested in explaining people's behavior so early).

 

We have a label for it in my field: "invitational attitude" and man oh man buddy--I hope you keep yours.

 

ADDENDUM:

Today, in the car, you asked me what the blue fish on your swim trunks was thinking about. (When I turned the question on you you replied "he's thinkin 'hmmmm'" which is your typical answer.) I told you maybe he was wondering how to get some of the Kix you were eating. You happily went back to eating while I helped chatted with Daddy.  A few minutes later you told me "Mama I have an obverzation--dat fish like eat but NOT drink. I gaved him my drink and he not like it. He like only doze food--fish not drink."

"I want to type a F" :

 f

"next I want to type a this":

 dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

 

"All those Ds are for daddy. Two daddy's Ds. One more. Two Daddies. One more Daddy. One more Daddy, One MORE Daddy..." (saying 'one more Daddy" each time he sees me type Daddy on the screen)

 

"I want to do Vs next":

 v  vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

 

"wow"

 

"I want to type Bs":

 bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

 

"I wanna type O":

 "Where's that O? Here it"

q "That's O"

"Ooops Q! Here":

o

 

"I want to type a lowercase : No. I want to learn it. At my school. I wanna teach it at my school." (runs to his room) (runs back in) You should come too!"

 

You've newly begun using adverbs and I'm not sure why it impresses me so much but it does. There's something utterly adorable about your telling me, with perfect grammer, "the squirrell in the tree ran away so quickly mama" and (with perfectly kiddo-grammer) "I ran so 'fastly' I fell and go hurt--not badly". And I find the "I did it PERFECTLY" utterly adorable too.

 

You surprised me yesterday by looking up at the flags and saying to me "Mama, I live in Texas HAPPILY--not you" I didn't even know you KNEW that I wished we lived somewhere greener/cooler/rainer/forested ... but to be able to say it that way.... you really are something kid.

 

You've also begun the "what's that called" stage of childhood. I've labeled things for you for as long as I can remember (look at the bird Liam, that's his beak, those are his feathers. Soft feathers.... etc) but now you want words that I have NO idea about. What DO you call the bit of plastic that the clever playground engineers put inside the chain so that children's fingers don't get squished? I don't know...  it's a pin they've put in the hole to keep it safe-- uhhh a "saftey pin" oh wait that's already a word! What's the name of the part of the chicken where the talon meets the leg? I'm not sure--do chickens have ankles? Uhhh....

 

And it's not just names of objects you want--you want people's names too. I've always tried to get you to use the names of people who wait on us in stores/resturants/etc but I never realized that you wouldn't figure out that I only know the name of random strangers who wear NAME TAGS. You assume I know EVERYONE's names. We'll be driving down the road and you want the name of EACH and every person in each and every car. This morning when I told you that I didn't know and that we couldn't ask because they were too far away and closed in their cars you told me that we should ask Grandpa because he would know (A perfect extrapolation from the fact that I often tell you we should ask him for the name of a bird or other bit of nature).

 

You've gotten interested in family names too and like to listen to all the family last names and where they come from. (You've got it rough kiddo--no family trees in this family--we have a family orchid. ) We've visited my dad's grave at your request and after a relatively quick visit to my Dad and granparents you spent a long time walking around the graveyard asking about each person, their name, age, etc, (you told me this morning that you like graveyards and want one for your playhouse: you are sort of a strange kid when it comes to death).

 

Your creative play has taken a nurturing twist--EVERYTHING is your "friend" or "baby" and you will instruct it not to be shy and then introduce it to me... if the friend/baby gets scared you will cuddle it and whisper "I got you. I got you. You're okay" and/or tell me I should nurse it. All these babies get names: the dirt clot baby of yesterday, "Collin" still sits in a baggie in the kitchen (looking dangerously like a brownie) Your "shape friends" were rescued from a pile of discarded scraps after we did an art project--you tucked them into your bed and there they've stayed for several days. Each nap/bedtime you rediscover them and exclaim with great joy "my shape friends! I found you!"

 

In short you love words--they are your friends. (You recently told Oma "My brain is hungry for words. It wants to eat them up". You couldn't be more right.

As I type this you are in the kitchen making (pastrami) Eggs Benedict with your dad--my favorite. And you just ran in a minute ago carrying a small heart-shaped cookie-cake reading "Happy Mother's Day!" (We have a long history of cookie cakes--you and I.) Such sweetness.

 

Yesterday you and I started our day touring the neighborhood garage sale crawl (at which you found a new bike trailer you didn't want to get out of, a basketball hoop that's just your size, and an assortment of fun toys/books/etc), we brought our booty home and had some lunch together while we watched the blue-jays enjoy the bird feeder we recently hung at your innsistance (thanks for that. I never would have thought to get one!). After lunch we dug for bugs in the backyard until it was time to "pick up" Daddy from work on the bikes. You took a nap in the new trailer while Daddy and I checked out a local festival and generally enjoyed our new found ability to cirlce the neighborhood for hours on our bikes in 95 degree weather and think it's "fun". Eventually we stopped and got an Icey (your favorite), then ran a few errands. When we came home I made dinner while you and Daddy played with your new Basketball hoop in the backyard (a total switch from the typical Daddy-cooks while WE play!) You ate happily and then excused yourself from dinner to play with your garage in your room. We sat at the table sipping our drinks, holding hands, and delighting in a slow evening meal with your happy voice carrying in from the backroom. At some point you called that you needed to go potty and I said I'd meet you there (I found you in the bathroom struggling with your buttons and helped you, you thanked me and then asked for "a 'lil privacy please"--I can't believe how big you've gotten.) After dinner the three of us played ball, pulled weeds, did yard work, held a gecko, and saw the first of the summer's fireflies...

 

In short: It's a good life we've got going here. Thank you (to both my guys).

Ruth--thank you for being the kind of mother I wish I had.  Thank you for raising our son with me.  Thank you for helping me be the father I want to be.  Thank you for loving the two of us so strongly and with such passion.

 

Secondly--Liam and Caroline were great cheerleaders for me on Friday.  I played in the Student/Faculty basketball game at Manor--Ruth, Jen, Liam, and Caroline came to watch me 'play' ball with everyone.  It was a blast, I didn't make a complete fool of myself, and Liam told me "Good job, Dad!" as I met with them after the game.  (and yes, I did actually get on the court for a whole 3 minutes, I think.)

 

• We went to see Knuffle Bunny this week with friends and there is one scene in which the little Girl (Trixie) is sad and trying to communicate to her father. She stands in a spotlight singing a very heartfelt (and totally unintelligible) solo lamenting the loss of her favorite stuffed friend... it's strangely touching (and also totally hillarious since she's singling gobbledy-gook and wearing a pink feather boa). The little girl behind us couldn't stop laughing and you were deeply troubled by her reaction. You shot her daggers with her eyes and implored me--why why WHY was she laughing. Couldn't she see that Trixie was sad and this was NOT funny. That girl was making a bad choice. She needed to look at Trixie's face... and on and on. I've never been prouder of your empathy.

 

• You've taken to saying "I'm not having any fun" when you want to stop doing something (When you don't want to go somewhere social I make you go but promise that if you aren't having any fun after 20 minutes we'll go home--you've generalized this idea now and try to use it to get out of bedtime, convince me not to go to work, etc.)   

 

• You are becoming more social. You told me yesterday "I need more little friends" and then spent the afternoon trying to make friends at the park. It's still hard but you are working on it--following bigger kids around, doing what they do, sharing your trucks, offering your snacks, trying to have conversations (though, sadly little kids don't really understand your speech yet).

 

• We're thinking about putting you in pre-schoo (we've been thinking about IF we wanted you to go, WHEN we wanted you to go, and WHERE we wanted you to go for a while--I guess I should say we are begining to actually think about doing it soon). We went to a kids "learn how matzah is made" matzah bakery thing at the Chabad school (that we've been intimidated by but vaugely curious about) last weekend and you seemed to love it (you told me spontaneously after that one of the boys there, Berel, is "very best friend"). I'm having some issues with my own fears of not fitting in, not being Jewish "enough" etc, but I think you may very well end up going to one week of camp there in July and then perhaps going a few days a week in the fall if it seems like a match.   

 

 

Not sure if it is a trend, but Liam has started to be more comfortable talking to people outside of his circle...especially when he gets to tell people about his new bike.  He spoke with a fund-raiser for Texas Campaign for the Environment for five minutes about his bike-riding prowess..unprompted...and that wasn't an isolated incident any more.

It is interesting because we know how incredible Liam is--but it is hard to share that with others when his response is often to hide his head in his hands and say "I too shy!" when we want him to interact with others.  (The visibly impressed environmental campaigner assumed Liam was three...)

• "I having troubles" ("I having some troubles. I no can do it. Mommy help."  
• "As fast I can" ("I coming as fast I can", "I riding as fast I can", "I be right back as fast I can")
• "No crazy!" (said frequently when given "the eye"
• "That's terrifying" (I never realized how often I say this until you started saying it)
• "I just a little guy" ("I no like spicy--I just a little guy", "I no can reach--I just a little guy"  "I not a grown ups: I just a little guy")
• "I grow bigger bigger bigger I ..." ("I grow bigger bigger bigger I drive those excavator", "I grow bigger bigger bigger I can reach up way way high. Sooo high", "I grow bigger bigger bigger I can jump on my shovel like mommy--my legs grow long strong high bigger bigger bigger I can dig."
• "I done crying" ("I done crying--I no be crazy. I don't. I done crying. I no make bad choices. I don't need time-out. I don't")
• "I wish..." ("I wish I go home", "I tired. I wish I nap in my bed", "I wish I could walk Duffy 'gin. I wish my dog not dead."
• "Too scary!"  (you get "scared" a lot--there are several books you don't like, shows that scare you, etc. --but this is an entry all in it's self)
• "I too busy" (my favorite of which is "I too busy being shy" when asked to say hello/goodbye/etc)
• "too many people" (again--I worry my weirdness is rubbing off on you. You won't play on playgrounds or in situations where there are too many people and you often use this as a reason to ask to go home)
• (the ever popular and VERY Two-year-old) "RIGHT NOW" (I no want to go bed. I not tired I want to ride my bike RIGHT NOW.", "I no want to go party I want stay home I want to play with my people RIGHT NOW", "I need nurse RIGHT NOW"
• "I no want to" ("I no want get dressed. I no want dat shirt I want wear dis one. No no no NOO NOOO. I like it. I like it! I like DIS one. NOT dat one. No change me. Leave me 'lone. Mommy no touch me. No pull me! Leave me 'lone. Leave me LONE. LEAVE ME LONE!" (followed a minute later by "I done crying. Mommy hold me")
• "Poor Duffy" (said FREQUENTLY and typically prior to a lengthy retelling of Duff's death.)
• "Need a little break" (from bike riding when tired, from anything you don't want to be doing but I think you need to be doing)
• "Thanks Dad!" "Thanks Mom!" (SO sweet and so unprompted and so well timed)
• "Sorry Mom" (often paired with "my fault--sorry, sorry")
• "Dat kid making bad choices" (followed by a detailed story of the offences of whatever child you've just witnessed make a bad choice: "That kid made bad choice! Dat little guy throw BAM sumpeen at his mama's face! BAD Choice. We no throw things at mama's face!"
• "I see sum-peen" (Mama--I see sumpeen: I see hawk!", "I see sumpeen--
• "Silly Daddy/Mommy" (Silly Daddy lef his socks on the floor. SILLY daddy", "Silly mama forgot to get my water. Silly Mommy")
• "I forgot" 
• "I laughin"
• I sticky
• "Somepin mama has" (when we can't figure out something you are trying to tell us we ask you to "tell us a different way" and it usually results in "I want.... <pause> somepin mama/opa/daddy has... <gesture>" (amazingly this usually works) (see also "somepin mama/daddy does" 
• "Thanks sharin me" ("Thanks sharin me mama. I like tacos. I sharin with you. I cut it for you. Too big. You try that one)
• "not hot--warm" 
• "Jus" ("Not you daddy--JUS mommy", "Not food, JUST lollipop", "Not go store--JUS library"

 (to be continued)

• And a new one I heard today a few times: "That happens sometimes" (most notably in response to my question/observation "You are having some trouble making good choices right now aren't you")

You've been bike-inclined for as long as I can remember... In stores you RUN to them, climb on them, push the around, drooll over, them, and generally glow with pleasure when in their presence. At home you beg to go out on my bike and LOVE to do bike mainanance chores. Driving around you comment compulsivley on who is riding near us (and if they are wearing proper saftey gear). 

You like bike books and bike stores and bike tools. It's been a constant theme in your life. So constant a theme infact, that when you were still teeny-TINY I took you to my favorite bike shop and put you on a bike just to see what would happen (this was just after you'd rearranged my favorite thrift shop to make a stool so that you could climb on a big-boy bike--you'd even managed to climb ON the bike and grab the handlebars before I decided this was a bad idea).

When I took the newly toddling you into the store back then the people who worked there told me to forget about you riding a bike before you were three or four and just get you a ride-on toy or maybe a trike. And they warned me to keep in mind that kids under three just aren't capable of the reciprocal motion required for riding a bike. They seemed to think I was a crazy freak trying to push you onto a bike and reminded me several times that many late-threes still have a lot of trouble with bikes....

 

But today, when we went to pick up my bike (which was in for repairs) you SHOWED THEM!  

 

YOU CAN RIDE A BIKE.... and no I don't mean you can scootch around in wild circles until you bang into things. I mean you can negotiate skinny isles, cut quick corners, break using the hand breaks, and even know to break at stop signs.... yes I said stop signs. Today, my darling, (barely two-year-old) son: you, your daddy, and I, rode (well over a mile) to a favorite resturant and back. You pedal up hill, avoid holes in the pavement, steer appropriately, use your breaks properly, and even mount and dismount all by yourself.  

 

The first time we put you on a bike (and every time we've checked since then--which is fairly frequently since you want to try the bikes every time we visit a super store) your legs just weren't long enough to reach the pedals (even with peddal blocks). But it seems that this most recent growth spurt (the one that left you with only three pairs of pants that go past your ankles) has stretched you to a suitable bike-riding height. And so, when you hopped on the bike at Toys-R-Us last night while we waited for them to process our return of a dissapointing HotWheels product: YOU TOOK OFF!  

 

All I can say is WOW!

For the second day in a row you've asked me to leave after reading a story and a quick nursing session. And for the second day in a row you've gone to sleep--quickly--quietly--amazingly!

 

(And for the second day in a row I've had no idea what to do with myself!) I should finish the challah, start the laundry, finish my grading, or start a much delayed sewing project. I have e-mails to write, photos to edit and a million chores that need doing... and I'll get to them in a minute. But it seemed worth noting how paradoxically imobilized I feel by the prospect of hassle free naps and a chunk of afternoon free time.) I think I'm afraid if I use it, get used to it, realize how NICE it is... it'll go away.

 

None-the-less, at least for now, I have hands and a free second--and I want to do something with it. So here I go--off to be productive (starting, I guess, with the DAUNTING task of figuring out WHERE in my pile of put-off tasks I should begin....)

The worst part about parenting for me (so far) hasn't been the baby-boredom or toddler tantrums… it's the pulling away when I want to cling tight.

 I’m good with temper tantrums: I am not afraid to restrain you and I don’t get angry. I’m firm and calm and repetitive and I’m more stubborn than any two-year old I’ve ever met. I don’t give in to crocodile tears or get particularily flustered when kids pitch fits. You can scream and wail and throw yourself about—or go boneless and pouty and resistant. With those things I’m good and I don’t flintch or question myself or worry. I will charge in and take over and MAKE YOU DO IT…. I’m great at getting in your face

What I’m not so good at giving you space, pulling away, pushing you forward.

The hardest part for me so far has been not holding you when you want me. Don’t get me wrong: Like every mother there’s ever been I have had my moments of wanting free hands, wishing I could eat a meal at human speed (you know—the way I used to when I actually CHEWED and TASTED my food), and I’m even beginning to think that you should probably nurse less. But none of that makes it any easier to disentangle myself from you at night when you reach a sweet sleepy hand for my cheek and sigh “mama stay” … or curl your fingers through mine and squeeze. I do believe it’s better for both of us for you to be able to sleep on your own (and for me to have time to grade, and breathe, and even do the occasional NOTHING, on my own) but when the day is done and the spunk and fire of Daytime Liam melts into the languid, soft, heaviness of the nighttime you---it’s almost too much to ask myself not to sit forever breathing it in.

 

If it’s this hard to pull myself out of your bed, how hard will it be to watch you go to school, drive away, go to college, get married, move on? It’s crazy how the thing I love most—watching you grow up—is also the thing I dread most.

Yesterday at the park a woman asked me if you were in Kindergarten... and while she obviously doesn't have a good grasp of child development it's not abnormal for you to be mistaken for much older than you are (the same afternoon I overheard a pair of moms watching us play and talking about how nice it will be when their kids are older and able to play pretend/hold conversations with them the way you were with me--I'd also heard them talking earlier about their kids ages: You are almost 6 months younger than their girls are.) So I've gotten used to you being amazing in that way... I'm not jaded exactly but it doesn't blow me away anymore.

 

But today--today you blew my mind: You, who up until a few months ago couldn't go to sleep without nursing. You, who needed a LOT of crying to learn to go to sleep without physical contact. You, who still has me lie next to you EVERY night and EVERY (non-car/stroller) nap until you fall asleep....

 

After we read a few books, you nursed to twenty (part of our pre-sleep ritual), and I tucked you into your special blanket, you told me to "go away" so that you could go to sleep! (And here's the part that is unbelievable) you actually WENT TO SLEEP! (In the past you've flirted with the idea of going to "sleep" alone but it's always been very much PRETEND sleep. This time you ACTUALLY PUT YOURSELF TO SLEEP ... alone... all by yourself... in your onw bed... (did I mention you were alone?)

 

Amazing.

Me: "Hey buds my new camera can go underwater--should we try it out?"

You (in delighted anticipation of videoing your bathtub hotwheels): "No mommy--try it IN!"

 

Me: walking away from the table without pushing in my chair

You: "Silly mama!" (and pushing it in for me)

 

You: (Watching me grade with a green pen): "NO mama--Do RAiding with mama's work pen" (After which you ran off and retrieved one of the red ones I usually use) 

 

Me: "look Liam--Firemen!"

You: "FireFIGHTERS mama. Member in my book Billy MOM is firefighter!" (This makes me especially happy because I GOT that book because you used to say 'firemen' no matter how many times I modeled 'firefighters'. I'd actually begun to wonder if the 'men' part was meaningless to you... but apparantly not. I'll work on making sure I don't revert to my 1980s mindset/vocab--next step "mailCARRIER" )

Currently you are enthralled with rescue workers in general and firefighters in particular--we spend hours each day playing fire rescue, building structures, "calling" 911 on the phone, searching for people stuck in the fire, loading burn victims into the ambulance, and then extinguishing the fires. (This game is a favorite and you come back to it with all manner of different toys: Little People, any building toy, cars, pretend play in boxes, etc, etc, etc)

 

In the begining putting out a fire just meant you squirting it with the hose--but as we read more and more fire related books your vocabulary grew and our play grew more complex: Now you have to put on your turn out gear, drive the fire ENGINE (not truck mom!), connect to the fire hydrant, put on your oxygen mask, vent the roof, and never ever forget your axe.

 

And recently our fire games have escalated past just fighting fire. They now include treating wounds... I'm impressed every day by your memory and language development but apparantly I'm not the only one: Last week we went to the pediatrician for your Two-Year-Old well check and the Dr was discussing developmental milestones with me. At one point he said to me that you "should be using a few two-word sentences a day" and paused to gauge my reaction. You (who had been up to this point quietly playing doctor) chose that moment to burst out with "Irrigate the wound! Excise the damaged tissue. There is debris in the field!" (with near perfect pronounciation to boot!). The doctor listened, smiled, and then turned to me with "So you are okay with language development then?"

 

You further enchanted the doctor later in the visit by commenting, while he was examing your abdomen, that "palpate my tummy tickles." But the thing that seemed to catch him most off guard was when he asked you if Eebee (on whom you'd been performing all manner of medical procedures throughout the visit) had a "boo boo." You looked at him and said, with a confused look, "No--skin graft! Eebee got burned in fire." He stammered for a second and then asked if you were going to grow up to be a doctor. You told him "not now. Later. Soon"

 

And it's true. Before I know it you'll be that teacher/firefighter/doctor/whatever your heart desires. And, as you so frequently tell me you'll drive and mommy can ride. It's too soon, it's not soon enough, it's just right. I am SO loving being a mommy to you at two.

I can't believe you are in your THIRD year of life! (That sounds so strange--I've finally gotten used to the sound of you being "two" but "third year" makes you sound SO OLD!)

 

Today is your birthday--and, unlike last year, you KNOW it is your birthday. You’ll tell anyone who will listen that today you are TWO and we have had a total BLAST preparing for and celebrating your big day.

 

Last night you helped me bake your cake: confetti cake on the bottom joined (with a generous helping of cream cheese icing) to a chocolate fudge top layer, all encased in a coating of whipped chocolate icing and topped with the much anticipated SPRINKLES! (And of course you've decided that it is to be served with Birthday Cake ice-cream--which features cake, chocolate icing, and sprinkles.)  Did I mention you VERY much enjoyed choosing your cake ingredients? Or that, though you generally aren’t much interested in the the cake underneath them, you have become newly completely enamored of sprinkles?

 

After you went to bed last night your dad and I piled your presents on the table and filled the kitchen with balloons so that you came out to a kitchen full of your favorite festive orbs for breakfast.

 

This morning we lit a candle in your breakfast muffin and practiced the Happy Birthday song (you blew out the candle on the first try). Then we played in the balloons until it was time to head to Chucky Cheese for pizza with friends. (Whom, I’ve realized today, I’ve truly come to love over the last year and a half. I worried for a long time that my not being a “social person” would hurt you but you have an amazing circle of people who love you and I am so grateful.)

 

You played games, noshed on pizza (though, for the second time today you chose healthy fruit over celebratory sweets. Go Liam! Where did you come from? You clearly aren’t mine…) and generally enjoyed the happy mayhem that is Chucky Cheese. On the way home you recounted our day in your adorable toddler falsetto and fell into a sound sleep with a satisfied smile plastered on your (icing stained) face.

 

At your request we had more pizza for dinner (complete with a side of challah and wine for Shabbat) and a family party for dessert. You blew out your candles again, opened presents, shared your cake, and we all watched your 2^nd year video. You loved being surrounded with so many people who adore you.

 

At bedtime you asked if tomorrow could be your birthday again and you melted my heart—I’m happy we gave you a day you want to repeat. You’ve certainly given us an amazing two years.

 

Thanks for giving me delightful days and sweet snuggles. Thanks for playing and dancing and talking. Thanks for thinking and asking and trying. Thanks for adorableness and intensity and curiosity. You are a dream come true. And you’ve exceeded my wildest expectations. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Last Thursday, we had to euthanize Duffy.  It sounds cold like that--we're used to euphamisms about death.  "Put to sleep", and so on.

Duffy had been yelping unexpectedly for a few days--we were going to take him to the vet for his shots anyway.  But then, on Thursday...he was paralyzed from the waist down.  All of a sudden.  From running and playing to not moving and in a lot of pain.  He bit Ruth when she picked him up to get him in the car.

I was subbing for a class of first-graders when I got the call that they had gone to the vet and there wasn't much to be done. 

Ruth had told Liam they were going to the vet and that the doctor might fix Duffy and that they might have to put him down.  So, when Ruth brought Duffy home so we could say good-bye, Liam had thought they were coming home with a fixed doggy.  "Lee take dog for walk now!"

Liam helped bury his dog in our back yard.  He seems to understand for the most part that Duffy is gone forever.  We've talked about how Duffy won't eat or walk or play any more.  Liam still wants to take his dog for a walk.  That is when he seems the most upset...

I'm glad to know Duffy had a good last year.  This vet told us Duffy was more like 12...when we got him, the pound said 3 or so.  Liam was so proud--he told everyone about Lee's Dog, Duffy.  He fed Duffy most of the time, walked Duffy always.  (Just last Wednesday, Liam, Duffy, and I had done a 3 mile walk to the library and back, Liam holding tight the whole way).

I miss "Lee's dog. My dog!"

Once again, Dad is left wondering how to capture everything he is feeling...

I started subbing for Round Rock ISD, trying to get back to full-time teaching.  I love it--I've enjoyed being with students again.  But I also miss my Liam routine.  And my Liam...I don't know how to talk to the other teachers about much else other than my son.

I've had an absolutely golden time with him--our park, our dog walks, our Mobile Camp Friede with Caroline, our talks, our naps (falling asleep on the bicycle).  But subbing means I wake up before him--usually out the door before he stirs.  I come home, and then most nights I am also back at Sylvan (we're a little short-handed, and I live very close, so I get called in a lot).  Ruth is also about to start teaching more--three classes, two days a week. After we've had a month of her being home between semesters.  I don't lnow how he will feel about that--losing out on that much Mommy and Daddy time.

I know that life moves on whether we want it to or not.  But is it really too much to ask that we could hit the pause button every once in a while?  I'm so glad we have this blog, to capture these moments in photos, videos, and words.  I never really thought of myself as being terribly nostalgic, but I guess I am after all. 

Here's to you being two, Liam.  Here's to your pretend cooking and your real cooking.  Here's to your putting train track together and cleaning it up.  Here's to the next fantastic year, and the new challenges, and to the memories we've created.  Here's to making me a sentimental fool who's heart has opened up in new ways.

Thanks for making me a better person.

 

Love,

Dad

You are asleep in your own bed right now (and it's almost 7am!). You woke up at 5:30 and requested that I stay and nurse you in your OWN room rather than take you to Daddy's and my bed as is our usual morning (of you can call 4:00am morning) ritual. I'm kind of happy and I'm kind of sad. I'm UBER proud of you for sleeping in your own bed (and for going down the last several nights without nursing to sleep like you have for the last 23 months)... but I'm also very aware of the end of an era here. Waking up to your kisses and cuddles, wrestling in the bed with you, playing and nursing and being sillytogether in the early part of the day is one of the best parts of my everyday. Your dad and I both have been slow to focus on you sleeping through the night in your own bed because we don't want to miss that golden time in the mornings...

 

And yet, next week I go back to work and I'll have to be up and leaving the house before 7:00. You typically wake up more like 10:30 so that is a mismatch in timing (and when you sleep in our bed you wake up when I get out of bed). Your daddy is working more these days (subbing) so you wouldn't even have him to cuddle most mornings. And even if you didn't wake up somehow the idea of leaving you alone in our big bed to wake up disoriented and expecting us seemed wrong. So I decided I'd work on getting you used to the idea of sleeping more independently. I expected it to be really hard on both of us: in the past whenever I've refused to nurse you at night you've CRIED and screamed for a LONG time before tiring yourself out and eventually falling to a fitful and whimpering sleep. But this time instead of any of the tips or tricks I'd read in books about how to "sleep train" I just explained to you while you were nursing that in a few minutes I was going to put you in your spot and that you were going to go to sleep without nursing and the very first night you DID--without crying or whimpering or any trauma at all. (Mind you it took a LONG time of lying there listening to your Nate-the-Great audio book but eventually you did put yourself down.) And you've done it with less and less fanfare every night (and every nap-time) since. (I'm worried I'm jinxing us now as it's only been three nights). You are getting the idea and you are even proud of yourself. You tell me "E-uhm go sleep without nursing mama's breast" and though it's clear you'd still rather nurse to sleep you understand the ritual and even enjoy getting tucked in (which is BIZARRE since you have NEVER even as a tiny newborn liked to be covered up!)  

I'm so proud of you (and excited about how much more time I'll have in the evenings for grading and other projects now that I don't have to lie down with you for hours). But I'm also, even now when it's been just a few days, missing those hours. I love sleeping with you curled by my side. I love the tickle of your downy hair in my nose and the warmth of you in my arms. And I can't imagine how our mornings will go if you actually decide you want to sleep the entire night in your own room. Will you wake up screaming/crying as you do from most naps? Or will you learn just to get yourself out of bed? And how will you feel about it when, next week, you wake up to Pappa/Opa in the mornings instead of me?

It's crazy how time flies. I spent time, this week, with a baby boy the same age you were when we first started Gymnastics and he seemed SO tiny. I couldn't help remembering how BIG and capable I thought you were at the time (well capable for a 5 month old). And I am sure I'll have the same feelings later looking back at this time in our lives. But oh you do seem big and capable!

 

• You set the table: you happily carry the silverware and plates to each person's spot (In the begining we had to hand you each thing individually and tell you who's spot to take it to. Now you've begun asking me for FIVE forks, etc. and then you will run off to place one at each place--sometimes calling out who sits where as you go). You remember all the steps involved and amazed me the other day by telling me that I'd forgotten napkins before we even sat down to eat.
• You say "see you later" in the most adorable voice I've ever heard. I have to get it on video.
• You talk a blue-streak when there aren't "strangers" (non nuclear family) around. It is hillarious to ride in a car with you and hear you describe everything you see: "My train stop, need new driver. Go again later. Go fast. Fast. FASSST." "E-uhm want play my playground RIGHT NOW. no playground. later. Play playground later. I riding in my car. Go get present for Jen. Go see Caroline. Go playground later." "I see hawk. Hawk fly high in sky. so high. Up in the sky. Mama missed it. I see hawk. up up up. So high. Where is it? where'd it go? hawk fly away. up in the sky. take off! Oh wow! I see a lot of birds. 'Nother birds. a lot of birds flying. Mama see birds?"
• You are OBSESSED with the show Umizoomi. I am not, in general, a fan of tv for little kids but I am impressed with this show (it is clearly written by people who know about edcuation) and you love it. It is wonderful to hear you interacting with the characters questions "Which shape do we need next to build this submarine?" and you yell out "Oval!" And I don't know if it is because of the show or not but you count now (with one-to-one correspondence up to at least 5 which is impressive for someone your age). This week you've decided that I need to lie on the couch and read while you watch the show. It's funny to see you directing the world around you like that (and kinda cool that you think I should get a break too while you are being entertained).
• You are a sweet care-taker. The other day I said "I'm cold" and you ran into your room, turned on your space-heater and said "To keep my mama warm".
• You are facinated with temperature. "It's cold out here" has become a mantra and you will repeatedly tell me something you want to do and then say "hot day" to remind yourself that we need to wait for warmer weather i.e. "E-uhm want go SeaWorld right now. SeaWorld closed up. Wait SeaWorld open up. Liam want go Zoo. Hot day. It's cold out here!... (usually followed by a tale of which hat/coat/etc you are wearing to keep warm, and then a list of what I am wearing to keep warm, and then a list of who is RIDING in the car, as opposed to who is DRIVING the car, then stories about where everyone who is NOT in the car is.)
• You are interested in the fact that things/peoples/animals/vehicles are GOING somewhere when they are moving. And you often opine that they are going home to see their mama's and babies (you used to tell me that everything was going home to see its mama and when I told you that some of them might be going to see their kids or wives or babies, etc. the baby part stuck).
• You still want to be a construction worker. "E-uhm help men work. I little. I big I help. I get hurt. I grown up I strong. I help men work LATER." but now your desire to help men work is blossoming beyond just construction workers. The other night we saw a strange scene with several police cars. Your daddy and I were discussing what might be going on when your dad said that maybe one of them was broken down and the other car was there to help. You insisted that we stop to check on and maybe help the men. When we told you that we didn't have time because we had to pick up Oma and head to synagoge you got quiet for a minute and then told us "E-uhm help men LATER!"
• You love synagoge: I hope I never forget you jumping up and down on a chair dancing to the music chanting "synagoge, synagoge, synagoge!" (The rabbi and congregants sure love your enthusiasm).
• You recently got the concept of "something else" and say it with great pleasure when done with one toy, tired of a certain book, etc.
• You amused me yesterday by saying "tIIny bit" in exactly the same intonation I never realized that I say it. (I was eating a poptart and asked you if you wanted some. You said no and I left it at that. Then you said tIny bit and I had no idea what you were saying--you had to repeat yourself several times and finally insisted E-uhm want tiiiIIIIny bit mama's poptart" and I burst out laughing. You'r pronounciation was pretty perfect the entire time but I just didn't get it 'cause I had NO idea you knew that phrase! (Later, when playing with your toy train, you looked inside the bin after we'd constructed our initial set up and told me that there was a tiIny bit of track left). So cool.
• Your pronounciation is WAY behind your vocabulary (so much so that I think it must be frustrating for you when you try to talk to others). But your vocabulary ROCKS! I read somewhere that an average two-year-old should have abour 50 words (I have no idea if that stat is right) but you have WAY more than that. I stopped counting so long ago that I don't know for sure but I'd say you have EASILY 400 words. And I think two-year olds are supposed to speak in 1.2 word sentances. You consistently do 3 & 4 word sentances and I am no longer surprised by even 6-8 word sentances: "I want nurse mama's breast right now" "I want watch Umizoomi, eat popcorn", "My mama stay, my Dada go work", "Opa go gym get big strong back later". (UPDATE: I read, on another site that the avg 24 month old has a 150-300 word vocabulary. So now I have no idea. I guess that is something to look up for real. Though I'm not worried)
• You've started using a (butter) knife to cut your own food at dinner. There is something just hillariously darling about a 23 month old properly using knife and fork to cut his chicken at the dinner table (and oh the juxtaposition of baby and boy--you easily go from cutting your own food to nursing at the table. So sweet!).
• You make your daddy proud with your sophisticated pallate: Your favorite food this month is five-spice sauted carrots and you HATE HATE HATE spaghettios. You'd asked for them at the store so we purchased them but when I heated them up and you took your first bite you made the world's grossest face. Spit them out and said "seasoning!" Then refused to eat another bit (until you saw KK eating them which prompted you to try them again several times and each time you'd have a similar reaction of disgust.) (You also still like your food spicier than I do).

More to come (and a million photos) but for now I know this is the place people check for us most. We are home, happy, and safe and settling back into life post-phenominal trip to visit Liam's Great Grandparents in Virginia (in the SNOW!) Liam loved the planes and was so so SO much easier to travel with than I'd feared (or even better than I'd dared to hope). It was a delight to see the airport through his eyes (not to mention the fact that due to travel induced baby-sleep I've now finished TWO novels in as many days (and started a third!) I don't think I've had as much fun watching de-icing trucks and refueling tankers ever, I don't think I've enjoyed an I SPY book so much in two decades--and I'm not sure I've read that much for pleasure since pre-college days. How lucky am I? (And now off to rejoin the boys who are, even as I type this, vacuming the living room. Have I mentioned lately how much I love those guys)

If we ask you what your name is you say "Liam Friede James" (Well the pronunciation isn't perfect but that is the intent). It's funny and it's adorable and it's so you--well beyond the curve, so with it, and still adorably mixed up.

 

I can't believe the little boy you've become. 

 

You speak in (short) sentances: When Duffy was hiding under KK's computer chair you bust out with "Lee dog hide unner KK chair. Lee hide too" and then crawl under while giggling.

 

You can tell stories about what is going on in your life: On the drive to San Antonio Zoo you can sit in the back for two+ hours and discuss which animals you want to see, what you've seen in the past, the order you want to do things, and the crazy drivers all around us. On the way home you can (and do) tell us all about what you've seen.

 

You can follow multipart directions: ("Put the book back on the shelf, give Daddy a bye bye hug, and then go get your plasma car") and you can follow them perfectly (and almost always are willing).

 

You can be talked through things: At the grocery store we can ask you to get the basil couscous and you comply. We tell you we need the product (you've never seen before) that has a M and a W on it and point you toward the mayo shelf and you come back with the Miracle Whip (and then we can tell you that you got the big one and we need the small one and you'll go fix it).

 

You are making friends with letters: We have a new game: "Get the D and put it on KK's back." You do. "Get the O and put it on Oma's knee." You do. "Get the L and put it on mommy's elbow." You do.... and on and on and on (many many body parts and several letters: L,M,D,O,W,K,S,F,G,P,C,E and more)

 

Your grammer gets better everyday. You very often use "I" correctly (who does that at 21 months?!)

 

You give a running commentary on life: You describe what you see: "Uh--Oh! Highway--broke. Men Fix. Men try make better. Highway broke. Men work. Men fix."

 

You make text-to-life connections all the time and we've begun to take it for granted that you follow 48+ page books. I'm always amazed at how many things you relate back to the constant pile of library books by your bed. 

 

You have great insight: I told you that you needed to wait to take your bike ride today because Daddy was talking on the phone to the guy who has a deal on the house pending and you said "Mama tired broke" (I  swear that I don't talk a lot about being broke!)

 

You always want to help: The phone rings: "I get it. Right Back..." and off you run. Or we drive by a construction crew: "Men work. Lee help. Lee work...." or you hear that daddy is cooking and you run to find your stool to help him pound the chicken, salt the meat, etc.

 

You've decided you want to be a teacher and that you want to read for a living. You've even picked out the house you want to buy.

 

You are 3 feet tall (but not quite 30 lbs).

 

You are potty trained.

 

You are amazing.

 

You are loved beyond loved. (And will be even if you outgrow the amazing... but man kid: What a ride you are giving your parents. We are SOOO lucky)

I'm not really sure how to write this entry in a way that can capture the moment...

The park closest to us, Northwest Park, has become familiar stomping grounds.  Liam has mastered the playground--climbing the 'rock wall', tackling the biggest slides, lowering himself off the side of the bridge like a big kid.  He owns that place.  And now he has started exploring the lay of the land outside of that defined playscape.

 

A drainage ditch skirts the edge of the playground, dipping down before rising back up into a fairly steep (though low) ridge.  A few days ago, he decided to venture beyond his 'comfort zone' and go down the slope and back up the other side...he raced ahead of me, then charged up the far slope as fast as he could.  At the crest of the slope, where it leveled off again, he turned to look back at me.  Then he waved, with a huge grin on his face--totally confident. 

And my heart caught in my throat...He was so proud, so independent in that moment.  I honestly didn't know if he was checking to see if I was there, encouraging me to follow him, or wanting to share his triumph.  And I could see his future--him walking across a stage in cap and gown, looking for me.  Him and his fiancee at the ceremony, stealing a quick glance back at me before focusing on his beloved.  And I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that I was always going to be there, sometimes closer, sometimes further back, but always a presence in his life. Always backing him up. 

Yesterday you turned 20 months old. It's crazy how I can both almost not notice the date (you are finally getting old enough where keeping track of every month just doesn't seem as important) AND feel a very real sadness about the fact that you are officially in the 2-something months instead of the 1-somethings.

 

It's funny to me that I mourn the abstract baby-ness of you because the very real and present little BOY-ness is so wonderful (and because, you really haven't seemed like a baby in months).

 

You sure are one heck of a cool kid.

 

Lately you are interested in letters--I love that you told me that the "c" was a "broke o" and that you ask, most mornings to do your "work" at my desk. You are adorable sitting at the computer typing and searching for letters. You amaze me with your fantastic mix of energy and composure. You are one of the highest intensity people I've ever met--when you are angry we KNOW it, when you are sad your whole body writhes. But mostly you are just an amazing little bundle of zeal and love and curiosity mixed with the tinsiest dash of impishness.

 

You have become a champion care-taker like your dad--you greet Granda Bob at the door with a sweet snack when he comes home from work, bring me drinks when I'm working, kiss my owwies, offer toys to crying children in the park, and try to keep your friends from getting in trouble or losing things they love. Lately you've taken to telling Caroline "No nO NO, Caroline!" when she does something you've been scolded for in the past and a few weeks ago when her water cup feel out of the wagon you were both riding in and your Daddy didn't hear you when you tried to tell him you threw your own sippy after hers and declared "LEE's WA-Wa FALL!" with such clarity and exclamation that Daddy finally looked and saw that both of you had lost your drinks. (I'm especially appreciative of your tendency to remember all our peices when we leave places--you frequently ask if I have the diaper bag, inquire after your water, gather your own toys, check your your hat, etc. I'm always amazed at all the info you can hold in your head at once.

 

And speaking of being amazed by what is in that little head of yours: You are NOT supposed to be able to tell me about your favorite books over lunch, and yet you can. Earlier this week we were talking over your yogurt about the sounds animals make "What does a cow say?" "Moo" "What does a cat say?" "Meow" "What does a peacock say?" "Ye-elp" "What does a chicken say when it see's a boa constrictor?" (From "The Day Jimmy's Boa Ate the Wash) --you squaked like crazed poultry and then tell me "scared". I asked you if that was from a book and you said yes. I asked you which book and you told me "Boa-Wash" I asked if that was your favorite book and you said yes. I asked you what other books you like and you told me "Jean Bike Queen" (Sally Jean the Bicycle Queen--your FAVORITE of all time). I asked you what Sally says to the big kids on their bikes and you answe correctly "hi". Then I asked you if there were any other books you liked and you said yes. "Which ones?" I ask and you tell me you love "Something from Nothing" (I can't even begin to record your pronounciation of this title--it's pretty indecipherable!). I ask you what Joseph says in that book and you respond "Granpa FIX" which is exactly right.

 

We aren't supposed to have that sort of conversation. But we do.

You aren't supposed to be able to climb rock walls and tall slides by yourself. But you can.

You aren't supposed to know your letters or be able to jump or gallup or hold your pencil the right way. But you do.

You aren't supposed to be in underware or talk so much, or be able to carry in heavy groceries. But you are, and do, and can.

 

Today a car backed up in the parkinglot while we were walking by. You were maybe a foot from the bumper when it started to move. You saw it before I did and pulled my arm so that you could swing up toward me, I pulled you up, saw what was happening and rushed out of the way. We both stood there in shock as the driver backed up--oblivious to how close they'd come to smushing us both (and KK!). I watched as the car ran over your beloved Chai necklace--the chain had snapped in our hurry to get you up and get us out of harm's way.

 

Right now you are shiny and safe in my arms, you are talking and climbing and dazzling everyone with your charisma. But I know, all too well, that, at any minute, any of this could snap and more than a peice of jewelry could be crushed. I know how very little of this magic I can take for granted.

 

I give thanks every day for all you are and can and do. 

 

 

you've recently developed an obsession with the "hole" in your hand (when you make a fist and look at it from the side there is sort of a hole in the middle). It was adorable in the begining just because my grown-up mind never would have coded the middle of a fist as a hole (and yet you are not wrong).

 

Then last week you started enjoying putting your finger into the hole in my fist--we played this way for a while, you'd poke your finger in, I'd squeeze you like a chinese finger trap, and then you'd cackle with glee while trying to escape. One day, while laughing and chirping "hole" you got a glimmer in your eye and told me "no finger" "hole, hole" and I responded "You don't want to put your finger in the hole--you are done playing?" And you said "No, mama. WHOLE HOLE!" and plunged your ENTIRE hand into the middle of mine. Then you met my eyes and CACKLED as if to say--mama did you KNOW that "whole" and "hole" sound alike!? I was floored and made a mental not to record for later (which, of course, I never did).

 

And then, last night while driving home from Caroline's you surprised me again--we were playing whole-hole and then you stopped, grabbed my hand in yours and said "Lee, hole mama hand" --again I'm amazed. You are right sweet one (at least in Texas) "hole" and "whole" and "hold" all sound the same.... I LOVE that you are catching these sorts of things (and sharing them with me).

On our pre-dinner walk with Duffy tonight you and I stopped to watch a helicopter overhead as it crossed above us and then flew behind a bunch of trees. I asked you "where'd it go?" and you replied that it was "b-HIDING in the trees." I NEVER would have noticed the similarity in those words or gotten the subtle joke if it weren't for you.

 

Thanks for that... I hope I never forget "b-hiding" and "Challah-days"

You teach me so much about language every day.

 

This week I'm taking special delight in the way you notice the similarities in words: this evening you were "driving" my blockbuster CARd up and down my arm even though you know the word "card" perfectly well.

 

And earlier this week you told me that if Rosh Hashannah is a "holiday" it required blessing your favorite baked good (Challah pronounced "hallah").

 

I'm tickled by your word play (and amazed by the connections your brain makes: Note to Daddy--write the "not cat" story here before I forget it!)

 

Thank you, little guy, for making my Challah days (and all my other days) so full of blessings.

 

[Daddy Edit:  The "not cat" story.  As most of you know, we are helping take care of Caroline a couple days a week.  Caroline's family have a gorgeous deck on the back of their house with some outdoor couches.  To prevent the neighborhood felines from clawing the cushions, they got some electronic cat repellent devices--little green boxes that flash a light, click, and then make a very high-pitched beep to drive them off.  Liam saw the boxes, picked one up and tried to play with it.  I told him 'no'.  "These aren't toys, Liam.  Put it down!"  He asked me what it was, and I told him it was to drive away cats.  He heard 'cat' and started calling them kitties and petting the box, and making 'meow' noises.  So, then I explained to him these were actually 'no kitty' devices.  So he thinks about it for a second, then pets the box again and calls it a dog and starts barking!  Impressive thinking there...]

It's the first month that I've noticed tick by with neither a big need to blog or a tremendous amount of guilt over not doing so. I realized that the 11th marked a month-day for us on the evening of the 10th and smiled to myself... but that was it. There was no need to run to the computer. I was too busy ensconsed in my reading corner enjoying my boy to want to run away to write about him.

 

So far I LOVE 19 months (though everyone thinks you are two--including you. This week you've gone from triumphantly announcing your age "one" while showing one finger to holding that same finger while saying, with a glitter in your eye, "Two!")

 

Your daddy got it right. You are just becoming more and more of a little boy eyeryday. You know the routines and how to do so many things. Today at Training Wheels you insisted that your ushpizin puppet have a kippah--not just an ordinary hat. You know the book "The Day Jimmy's Boa Ate the Wash" by heart and can help us read it (as well as answer questions like "Why were they throwing corn?" "What happens next?" "What do you think is inside that bag" "What is Jenny feeling?"). You make text-to-life connections when you see something that reminds you of No David. And yesterday you showed your true brilliance (and your inner scoundral) when I told you, mid-fit, that you had a choice you could either clean up the balls or go to time out. You got a HUGE smile and started walking to the time-out corner. I quickly rephrased and said "You have a choice: You can either clean up the balls or you can go to time out and THEN clean up the balls" You turned instantly and ran giggling to clean up your mess.

 

You amaze me kid. I couldn't be happier with your observant nature, your concentration, your goofy side, or your serious side, or any other part of you. I love you, as the book says, "through and through"

Yesterday marked Liam's 19th month-day.  The sentences are starting to come fast and furious..."More chocolate, please!"  (well, "Mo chocola, pease!", but that is understandable to almost everyone, I think),  "Lee bike broke!", "Lee ride fast!" "Momma ride fast!"...

 

The delight Liam has in everything is so immediately apparent.  He loves reading with us, and is starting to read TO us.  If you read him a story and leave out a word, he can usually supply it.  We know he can read some words--'No', 'David', 'Spot', 'Outside' for certain.  Pretty cool <G>

 

And the Backyardigans and Signing Time seem to be the most requested video options.  He loves dancing to music of all sorts--even grooving to the Hebrew songs in synagogue!

Today was a big milestone for you--you played on the playground mainly by yourself!

We took a nice long bike ride to the splash-pad in Pease Park, where you loved kicking the mini soccer ball back and forth with me and stomping on the fountains to pressurize them.  But on the way home, you asked for a bathroom, and we stopped at Central Market. (you used the potty like a pro, BTW)

 

And then--you PLAYED!  Climbing up and down stairs and ladders, zooming down slides (including the big, twisty one where you had your most traumatic wipeout), saying 'hi' to some of the other parents and kids....and you didn't try to drag me with you.  You owned that playground.  We did some 'peek-a-boo' behind some of the structures, and I did get up to chase you and throw you and catch you.  (watching you screw up your courage to jump off the high firemans' pole into my arms was fascinating!)  But you did it by yourself!  YAY!

And, read your mom's earlier post (about being 18 months) to get a sense of the (slightly!) bittersweet twinge I felt....my little buddy is growing up!

 

 

Tomorrow marks your 18^th month of life with us, and all I can think is “wow—that was fast!”  When you look at your baby photos, I can now see the inkling of who you would become in that wrinkled, intense face as I glance over your shoulder.  The fact that you want to see your photos, and can reliably pick out “Lee!!” and “Da-da!” and “Mom-ma!” in pictures is pretty incredible.

 

Then again, almost everything you do is that way.  Your interest in books, cars, planes, dogs, cats, birds, frogs, turtles, trains, sign language, Eebee, drawing…you became a person, with a real personality, so soon.  I love how everyone has to be in their place or else you try to fix it.  I love that reading No, David! fills you with distress at his messy antics, and that you ask us to wash him clean. 

 

I love having a sous chef to help me with lunch and dinner.  A bike-riding buddy.  A snuggle-puss.  A person who invites me to just sit next to him and chill out for a few minutes.

 

Thanks for being the awesome, helpful, wonderful, delightful person you are.  Happy year and a half, Liam.

 

Love,

Dad

When you wake up you will be officially a year and a half old. And, like every other milestone so far, it is a touch bitter sweet. I’m not yet over the sadness of the years (yikes--you are almost at a point when I can talk about your life in terms of years PLURAL instead of months!) ticking by and I’m beginning to wonder if I ever will be.

Today you are closer to two than one, soon I'll wake up to find you closer to twenty than two. And that makes me sad. But I don't know why.

It’s true that when you are a parent the years of your child’s life pass quicker than you have any understanding of when you are a kid and summer afternoons stretch out like an eternity before dinner time. But I can’t quite figure out why there is sadness in that. The baby you were 18 months ago was adorable and amazing and awe-inspiring and wonderful. But the boy you are today is all those things too, and the boy you will be in five years will be even more so. So WHY, as parents, do we get all sappy and sad when we note the passing of time? So you aren’t  a baby anymore. So what? You are so much MORE than a baby. You are, increasingly every day, my best other than your dad. There's nothing remotely sad about that.

You are the guy I wake to in the morning, whisper sweet silliness with and roll around in bed giving kisses to and playing peek-a-boo with before we start our day. You are the boy who asserts his independence one minute refusing help and then curls in my arms to cuddle and nurse the next. You are the first one I wanted to share it with when I saw the most amazing rainbow I’ve seen in over two decades last month.  And you are the one who constantly impresses me with his good humor, patience, and persistence. I’m amazed every day at how pleasant and playful, and passionate you are. I’m continually touched by your compassion (you were horribly distressed when Kate and Madi were crying at our last playdate) and your competence. It's crazy the things you can do: You helped me move the bunk bed into your room last week (I seriously couldn’t have done it without you). You can climb the flexible rockwall at our local park that is designed to keep the little kids out of the big kid play area, and you can jump like a 3 year old. When we go out people never believe me that you are not even two yet.  It's true: 18 month olds aren’t supposed to be able to read a few words, hold their pencil the right way, work a can opener (you need help turning the wheel but you get the motion and you can do it with just a touch of help from grown up biceps), clean their room, take out the recycling, mow the lawn (yes, you can actually turn on and push the mower all by yourself—not that we allow this for obvious safety reasons),  walk their dog all by themselves (or walk over a mile on their own two feet for that matter), or  navigate their neighborhoods like you do (you tell us which way to go and will lead us to two different parks, the library, two different HEBs, Dad’s work, Moma’s work, and a variety of other locales without any help from us. You will also pitch a FLAMING FIT if you want to go to a certain park and we take the opposite turn.) 18 month olds also aren’t supposed to refuse board books in favor of books about space shuttles, volcanoes, or the four elements. But you do all those things, (and more). It’s a simple fact kid: you are impressive. You’ve got charisma, you’ve got brains, you’ve got coordination and muscle. And to top it all off you are just plain gorgeous. Right now it’s golden.

It’s a tricky thing this parenting gig—I want to tell you how awesome I think you are. How much my world is a better place because of you and how wonderful your accomplishments are. But I also don’t want to set you up to fail. The more we go on about how perfect you are now the more room you’ll have later to think that you have nowhere to go but down (afterall what’s better than perfect? Nothing).  I felt that way with my mom—that she had me on such a pedestal that there was nothing to do but fall from grace. And I very nearly let the fear of that fall paralyze me.  I don't want you to go through that.

I always wonder what you’ll think when you read these notes later in life. Will you think that I just wrote these things ‘cause every mom thinks their kid is perfect? Will you think that I “have to” say how amazing you are? Or will you feel the love coming through the words? I write these things to try to give us both a pathway back to some symblance of what we have now. This crazy all-out adoration. The way you run to my car when I come home from work with eyes all a glow and arms outstretched yelling “mama home!” or the way I can’t stop kissing you or hugging you. It's the feeling your grandma calls “splash” and I know I can’t bottle it. I know when you are a teenager it won’t be cool to tell you how much you make me giddy. But I want you to know that you did. That you do. That having you in my life is like all the silly things they say about falling in love: the music and laughter, the lights being brighter and life more worth living—all that is true for me because of you.

For you there was no world before me (and if we are very lucky I’ll be around for a long time so you won’t have an “after me” world soon either) but for me there was a world before you. And I guess I just want you to know how much better that world got when you were born. And how much I am looking forward to the changes you’ll continue to bring. I do adore you and I do think you are amazing and strong and smart. And I do take delight in those things. But I don’t need you to always be the smartest or the strongest. I don’t need you to always be ahead of the curve. I just want you to always be YOU and I hope you’ll continue to let me in on who that is.

 ‘Cause let’s be honest, eventually your teen years will kick in and you’ll get acne and frizzy hair, you may (please God NO) get my teeth and your dad’s eyes. You will, very likely, be too skinny, too lanky, and too greasy for a few years. And chances are that you will be smart enough to always know just how much you don’t know. You may be riddled with self doubt like I was, or a total nerd like your dad was. Let’s face it: Your genetic legacy is one of pimples, self conciousness, and social awkwardness.

It’d be great if you dodged all those bullets and stayed as charismatic, confidant, and cute as you are right now. But I hope that even if you don’t you’ll remember how little any of the surface stuff matters and how much your dad and I love the guy inside.

You will always be the kid who was content to just be together--the three of us--sitting on the porch steps watching the evening roll in. You’ll always be the boy who made us all hold hands in the car last week and kissed my fingers while Daddy drove. You’ll always be the one who made sure we all had water bottles before going on long bike rides, and that everyone had shoes before going to the park. You are helpful, observant, curious, communicative, and loving. And we couldn’t ask for anything more than that.

And now I think I've finally got it. I think I know why we mommies get a bit teary at the passing of time: We worry about losing this—about the day you no longer like us best. The day just being with us on the porch isn't enough. I dread the day you stop taking me by the hand and asking me to play with you. The day you don’t WANT to sleep with me, and insist on no kisses. I don’t want you to outgrow me because I know now, what every other mother knows, that I will never outgrow you.

You go to gaming with your Daddy once a week--most of the time you love playing with "Uncle" Dave's chainmail and Daddy's dice. Most of the time you enjoy being fussed over and fed, and hanging our with the guys. Most of the time you and your Daddy return very late, you asleep on Daddy's shoulder and your daddy relaxed and happy....

 

Not tonight.

 

Apparently you fell asleep on the way to Dave's place this evening and woke up crying for me. Your Daddy knows how much we are trying to teach you that screaming doesn't get you what you want and so he stuck to that and tried to soothe you in a million different way but refused to give in and bring you home. An hour into your fit he called me hoping that if you heard my voice you might calm down (you didn't). After you hung up the phone and threw it at him we agreed that if you got "ready" and asked nicely he could take you home (this is how things have worked in the past--screaming doesn't get you what you want but if you will just calm down and ask nicely you can have most things). Once this was explained to you you easily got ready and used your words to "ask the right way." Problem solved right?

 

Wrong: The real problem became clear when you were happy in the car--too happy. You knew you'd won. And we can't let you believe that. We can't let you think that persistance in throwing a fit wins. We can't let you think you are more stubborn than us. We knew we couldn't give in and teach you that tantrums work. And so, your Daddy and I decided, (with much trepidation) that you couldn't just come home to my arms, nurse, read a book, and go to bed like normal. 

 

Truthfully we'd been waiting for this moment since the test finally turned positive. You see, my darling boy, you are MY son and that means that you were BORN off-the-charts persistent. Teaching you that the secret to winning is just being loud enough for long enough would be a recipe for disaster.

 

We've always known that if you threw a fit in public we wouldn't allow it-- but we also knew that "not allowing it" means removing you (which causes problems if what you really want is to leave since it is rewarding the behavior we are trying to extinguish). So we'd planned for this: we'd discussed how if you screamed at Shul one of us would take you outside and sit with you in "time out" until service was over instead of letting you have fun on the playground like other parents do.

 

There aren't many things about which our Dad and I are so black and white... but this is one of them--throwing a fit will NOT work. Period. (And it HAS to be consistent--or else it's just mean. We can't wiggle on this or we risk confusing you, teaching you useless bad behavior... etc. It's our job to teach you how to be in the world, and how to make the world do what you want it to: And that is a job we take seriously.)  

 

So tonight is the night we are forced to make good on our plans (or rather, your dad is). As I type this you are SCREAMING in the other room with your Daddy. You are lying (or probably squirming in Dad's arms) in bed, lights off, music on, with a sippy of milk. Our theory is that what you wanted was to come home and nurse with mama and since giving you that teaches you that tantrums work you get to go to bed with Daddy and a cup of milk instead. I think it's a good plan to try to break the tantrum cycle... It's a good plan... but let me tell you kid it sure doesn't FEEL good. 

 

It's easier to theorize and plan and talk about breaking a cycle than it is to sit in the other room and listen to you cry like your heart is breaking. 

 

It's hard to hear you scream like that when I know that all you want is me--that if I just went in there and held you (which is all I want to do right now) that I could calm you down. I could kiss your head and pet your sweaty fuzzy head and fall asleep with you in the circle of my arms... I could make it all better...

 

And yet I won't. Because I truly do believe that we are right. I know how smart you are, and how willful. I know how few repetitions it takes for you to learn something and how efficacious you are. I know how determined you can be.... and I truly believe that in the long run you will be happier in life if you learn that screaming isn't the right way to get what you want. In my brain I know that teaching you that words work and tantrums don't is a good thing (not just for us but for you too).

 

But that doesn't make it any easier to listen to you screaming "nurse nurse nurse" and crying.  

 

You've quieted now, several times. But you wake each time newly desperate--the dog barks, your daddy moves (I'm guessing), or you are suddenly pulled from new sleep by memories of misery. I feel horrible. I hate thinking of you in there learning, through misery, one of life's most important, and painful lessons:

 

Sometimes life just ISN'T what you want it to be--and no manner of misery can change it. I'm sorry I couldn't be there with you while you learned this...  I'm sorry I can't make it any less true...

 

And I'm SO proud of you for being a child who can handle it (you are sleeping now). You amaze me--both your determination to change the world around you and the way you live from day to day with such grace and so little power.

 

I can't wait to watch you grow up--to see what you do with the power and control you are gaining every day. I hope, in the end, that you understand why we took no prisoners in situations like this one... why we were both high affection AND high discipline--and how the one does not negate the other. I hope our expectations don't feel like a crown of thorns. I know tonight our parenting chafes a bit. I hope you know how much we are enjoying parenting you and how much we love the person you are. I still can't believe how lucky I am to be your mama.

 

I'm officially giving up the attempt to log all of Liam's words. It's just too hard--there are too many and I don't even know he has them until they come out of his mouth in conversation (and then I forget to keep track in my head as we keep talking).

 

It's not as if Liam could be totally understandable to strangers at this point (though often he is with many of his better words) but with context and familialarity with his pronounciation our little guy is crazy verbal.

 

Just a few to add to the list before I officially surrender: (I'm trying not to repeat but it's hard to remember what I've already recorded... I'll go back and delete duplicates later)

• broke(n)
• dance
• jump
• spin
• drive
• shhh
• band-aid
• stop
• stuck
• "It's stuck"
• swing
• slide
• play
• park
• out
• in
• up
• down
• walk
• bib
• corn
• chocholate
• draw
• playdough
• people
• toes
• face
• hair
• head
• hat
• bright
• hot
• spicy
• bang
• roll
• Sign (as in "Signing Time")
• music
• money
• bank
• cash
• beep
• hurt
• wine
• challah
• morning
• soon
• wait
• ride
• spoon
• motorcycle
• frog
• turtle
• "Rex"
• pants
• bra
• clothes
• medicine
• tie
• boots
• blue
• star
• bird
• rock
• this
• that
• truck
• bus
• snap
• more
• eat
• here
• noodle
• done
• no
• yes (and yeah and yep and "yesh")
• drive
• better
• "excuse you" (after someone burps)
• sorry

 

 

I can't believe you are almost a year and a half little man! I've missed you this month--I've been working hard at work and we are also working on moving Grandpa home and Auntie Jo Jo et al out of our house (and trying to get it sold--YUCK!)

 

I've been feeling a little like a bad mom running off and leaving you in the mornings (even though I know you are in the best hands with your Dad and it's never for more than a few hours). It's not easy to crawl out of bed before you wake up and try to squeeze in a shower before you rise. And it's no fun at all to have to leave the breakfast table before you are done. I hate handing you over to your Daddy and turning my back on you.... but I do NOT hate the coming home. You melt my heart--running up to me with a huge smile and a chorus of "Mama, Mama, Mama!" It may be the best part of my day---and I always end up scooping you up and telling you "I missed you baby" even though I had no idea that I had.

 

I really like my job. I like being in the classroom and I feel blessed to be able to work as few  hours as I do right now... but there is something so healing about swooping you up and getting you back in my arms where you belong.

 

You are amazing. And you know SO MUCH! I can't believe all the routines you have down and how many little details you notice: Today when we were playing with your Fisher Price people you arranged them all around the table perfectly: Mommy next to Liam, Daddy next to Mommy, KK at the end, and then Mo-Ma. (Funnily you put Grandpa inside in the big soft chair with Lobo at his feet instead of out on the deck with everyone else.) Little details like that seem to matter to you right now: nobody is allowed to sit in your chair at the art table except you (you'll pull others out if they do)--the same goes for "your" rocking chair in the kitchen--only Mommy is allowed to sit there. You've become quite the two-year old in your love of routine and are will go to great lengths to make sure your way becomes reality. On our night-time walks you must hold Duff's leash in your left hand and mommy's left index finger in your right hand. Daddy may push the stroller but he is NOT allowed to walk Duffy--even if you are tired--even if you are so tired you are in mommy's arms nursing--even if you are asleep in mommy's arms--you WILL wake up to instruct us not to pass the dog off from parent to parent if we get so cocky as to think you are asleep an therefore will not notice or care. You are adorable and exhasperating and amazing. Can I just say how happy I am that we got a little willful child? I am in awe, everyday, of your fire, your zeal and enthusiasm and your righteous indignation. I hope you always keep that energy and commitment--the desire to bend the world to your will and make magic happen. You are something special kiddo---and my world is more special for having you in it.  

• home
• olive oil
• tractor
• lemon
• mayonase
• baby
• pitch
• play
• egg
• cook
• knife
• bra
• zebra
• ice cream
• burp

Since Grandma and Grandpa (Or "Bob Bob" as you've begun calling him) are in San Antonio enjoying a mini-vacation and both Mommy and Daddy had to work this morning you got to spend an hour being babysat by KK today. We picked her up last night and brought her back to the house so that everything would run smoothly in the morning. You were delighted from the instant you saw her and kept giving her sneak attack hugs and tickles, cuddling her legs, and wanting her to watch your every move. We knew you loved your big cousin but none of us had seen it quite this obviously before (we've all missed her since she's stopped spending every Friday night with us recently but I had no idea you'd noticed!)

 

When we put you to bed last night you wanted to show KK your favorite toys first and you chose her to help you brush your teeth and read you your bedtime books instead of Daddy or I. In the morning you asked for "Gee Gee"  immediately, and when I had to go to work I blew you a kiss and you pointed to my car and commanded "go!"

 

Daddy came home to the sounds of you and KK giggling like madmen and I arrived half an hour later to find the three of you walking to your favorite park. I joined you and we all spent the afternoon enjoying eachother's company. I LOVED watching my "first baby" and my real baby play together. You begged KK to push you on the swing for so long she got tired, you refused to show Daddy new park tricks because you didn't want to be away from KK and on the walk home you insisted on holding "GEE GEE"s hand NOT mama's!

 

I never thought I'd be so happy to have you choose someone else over me! 

since the last post:

• LIAM (well "Lee" but we know what you mean)
• dig
• stop
• done
• no
• back
• "Rex" (Bob's class tortose)
• turtle
• "Bo" (for Lobo)
• "Bob Bob" (Grandpa is hard to say! I'm trying to make it "GrandBob")
• baby
• Eebee (we love Eebee!)
• knife
• blue
• snap
• draw
• pull
• lap
• stuck
• spit

 

 

 

New words in your active spoken vocabulary:

 

• money
• cash
• bank
• leaf
• smash
• stack
• water
• ears
• face
• what's this
• that
• me
• deck
• truck
• mow
• hot
• swing
• park
• draw
• eat
• pants
• medicine
• spit
• yuck
• more
• shoes
• lap

 

Receptive vocabulary:

I've officially stopped keeping a list because it is TOO DARN BIG TO CATALOGUE. You amaze me with the words you know (spatula, drill, scroll saw, chop saw, street light, rocking chair, rock (on all fours), "turn it over", "look up" vs "arms up", a million foods: ice-cream, eggs, hominy, corn, cheese and chocolate being your most often reapeated words), you follow simple commands and more elaborate multi-part commands well. I'm amazed and you draw comments wherever we go. Your receptive language was ESPECIALLY clear when we went to a Spanish Music class with a freind a few days ago you were VERY uncomfortable and clung to me saying "done", signing "home" and begging "peas" over and over. It seems you've come to EXPECT to understand what is being said. How amazing is that?

Every group has a kid who is "that kid" the one who always steals everyone's toys, never shares, is too bossy, always shoves, or otherwise doesn't know how to play right....

 

And Liam isn't usually that kid---I think, for the most part, other parents are impressed with Liam and think he's adorable and great to have around (at least I hope so!) But lately I think Liam has become, ever so slightly, "that kid"...

 

You see, Liam is a lover--he's a total sweetheart and he loves to hug, kiss, tickle, and otherwise physically interact with his friends. Ever since he was tiny he's loved to hold hands and dispense affection.... the problem is that he is no longer tiny: quite the opposite in fact. He is now a VERY solid and VERY strong little guy. Liam is one of the biggest of his peer group and he has no idea that he can HURT the people he's trying to love on. This week especially he's been holding hands to hard, hugging too roughly, cuddling to tightly, etc. He's even made a few of his friends cry.  

 

I really don't think he has any idea why his behavior is a problem and I don't want to scold him for givign hugs. On the other hand other children have a right to their own space and not to have their bodies hurt or mauled in anyway no matter how good the intention of the affectionate attacker.

 

I need to find a way to teach him empathy and limits without squashing the affection impuse. And I'm working on it but it hurts my heart to have to reign in the little guy who knows no bounds and hugs with EVERYTHING he's got.

 

Truly: Would that the world's biggest problem was that we all loved with too much energy! 

The Little Man talks SO MUCH! (Do you know any other 15 month olds who say "spatula?")

 

Tonight, for the first time, Liam told his Daddy "night night" (well, "nei-nigh" but close enough) while snuggling down for bed.

 

He also called his grandma to lunch/dinner and dessert "Mo-ma, EAT!" before taking her by the hand and leading her to the table.

 

His vocabulary is exploding (and his RECEPTIVE language blows me away! "turn the crayon over" and he does "go get your red ice-cream bowl" and he does, "go give Mo-Ma a nuzzle" and he finds her in the other room and does just that, "tickle mommy" "tickle mommy's OTHER leg", "Where's the rocking chair" "touch your chin" "roll over" "spread your legs" "put this on your drawing table" "put this on the (dining) table" "put this on the table on the deck" "kiss your toes" "throw the ball" "close the door" "go get in your carseat" "feed the dog" "bend over" "duck" "go hide" "look up" .... and the list goes on and on and ON.

 

We went to Tot Shabbat this week and the host family commented repeatedly on how much better Liam understands words than does their 21 month old daughter: "he understands EVERYTHING" the mother exclaimed... and it's not the first time I've heard that. People wherever we go stop to comment on how amazing and smart and precocious our little guy is. And they are right. I'm so proud of how hard he's working.... so impressed with how much energy he puts into language and making himself understood. I feel enormously blessed to have a child who seems to get the same thrill from communication as do I.

Often in the mornings you like to sit in my lap while I check e-mail and blogs. You really like to watch the videos of friends and cousins (I think you asked to watch the newly toddling Cristina at least 4 times). But today we watched some videos of you and you loved it. One moment in particular stands out for me: As we were watching your naming montage video you started swaying to the music back and put your arm around my neck. You stayed that way, swaying with your one arm around me like a friend at a concert until the movie was over, then you kissed me on my check softly and hugged me tightly.... I wish I had words but I don't. I just never imagined that kind of companionship and affection from a not-even-one-and-a-half year-old. (Daddy says you were also offering him spontaneous hugs and kisses on the bus ride the two of you took yesterday).

 

I'm sure people think (and I will too when I look back at this) that I'm unfairly recording only the magic sweet moments of being your mom but the truth is, Liam, that (so far at least) you are almost all magic moments.

With Mother's Day dominating my thoughts recently, I forgot to post about the adventure Liam and I had the day before.  It was the annual neighborhood garage sale, and the two of us went exploring hoping to find some treasures.

 

We took Duffy with us at first, roaming up and down the streets of Allandale.  We found a few things--a Liam-sized table and chair set that he ran up to and promptly sat in, a few toys, a new wheel for Ruth's bicycle.  Liam got to meet some other children and some dogs.  His absolute highlight was watching a man doing agility training with his two dogs.  Liam watched with rapt attention, squealing with delight and clapping while the two ran slaloms, jumped hurdles, and ran over a see-saw.  He (and Duffy) could barely be dragged away, with Liam signing "again, please!" and Duffy straining at the leash to participate.

 

But the really neat aspect of the day happened later, after Liam and I dropped the dog off to pick up our bicycle.  No one on our street had officially signed up for the sale, but a man a few houses down from us decided to put his stuff out.  Liam had fallen asleep on the bike, as he often does with me.  He almost missed quite a show...the man had a pet duck out in the front yard!  Jimmy and I spent a while talking while Liam napped, and the duck and one of Jimmy's cats played with each other....

 

Little Guy did eventually wake up, and after a few seconds of disorientation, he noticed the fine feathered friend waddling around.  This was too cool to miss, so Liam wanted down on the ground...where he picked up a toy ball and threw it to the duck--who kicked it back!  The duck plays soccer--returning the ball with his feet or his bill.  We then visited Jimmy's chicken coop in the back, where Liam got to hold and pet a few hens.  He also got to tackle the cat and hug it tightly.  Calm kitty....

 

And Jimmy also indulged another of Liam's passions---motorcycles.  He wheeled his Buell out and fired it up for Liam, inviting him to sit down on the seat.  Liam declined at first, willing to be held and stare.  Jimmy beeped the horn and revved the engine....which delighted Liam to no end.  Liam quickly started to conduct 'Symphony in Twin-V minor', pointing to the horn and throttle alternately and asking Jimmy to make those sounds 'again! again!'.  I think Liam might still be there if left to his own devices.

 

In one stop, Liam gets to throw balls, chase ducks, pet cats, and get close to a motorbike.  I can't imagine a better place for him to hang out.  Who needs amusement parks when you have a neighbor like that?

 

 

Liam, You are officially 15 months old as of yesterday. I can't believe the little guy you've become. Today we walked to meet Daddy after work and you held Duffy's leash and walked on your own feet the ENTIRE .7 miles to meet Daddy and quite a bit of the way back. Most of the way you walked like a very serious big boy, pulling Duff appropriately out of bushes whenever he investigated errant smells too long, holding him close as joggers passed, etc. But you also showed your silly adorable Liam side--laughing and running as Duffy pulled you along ala sled-dog, or giggling while the wildflowers grazed your face when you ran too close to the edge of the road. You only dropped the leash once--when you noticed and wanted to pick up some litter (you are quite the trash patrol and I LOVE how dilligant you are about taking care of your mother Earth!)

 

Sunday was my second mother's day and this Tuesday will mark the second anniversary of your conception. It's hard to think you've been with us in one way or another for almost two years now but it's also almost impossible to imagine all the things you've learned and accomplished in the 15 months you've been alive. You can speak and draw and share. You can stack blocks, and dance, and set the table. You can walk your dog and almost reach the peddals on your trike. You have a crazy awesome sense of balance and an even more impressive ability to know when you need (and ask for appropriately) help. You know where your favorite items are at the grocery store and how to work the H-E-Buddy machine at the check out. You know how to use an electric drill, turn on a cell phone, and wash your own hair.... you are phenominally precocious (and preternaturally precious).

 

I love you, thanks for letting me be your mama.  

I wanted to start a quick list of the body parts you can identify (most of which you can name but some of which you just know to point to)

 

1. head
2. eyes
3. nose
4. ears
5. teeth
6. face
7. toes
8. feet
9. knees
10. belly
11. tummy
12. belly button
13. nipple
14. shoulder
15. penis
16. fingers
17. hand

 

(I'll have to ask you for more tomorrow so I can see--these are just the ones I KNOW you know!)

Ruth--I didn't get a chance to find a card that said everything I want to say to you, so I am saying it here.

 

I am so sorry all those photographs are lost.  I love that you took them, and kept them for so long.  I love how much those memories mean to you, and looked forward to sharing them with Liam, so he could get a sense of our story.

 

I want you to know that, even if our first chapters are relegated to exist only in our memories, I will be by your side to create new moments.  Thank you for sharing your story with me and letting me share mine with you.

 

And thank you in so many ways for giving me my son.  There are no words to express how much gratitude I feel for having you and Liam. 

 

All my love,

Chris

You may be the only child I've known who learned "yes" before "no" and says it with such gusto (and at such adorably comical moments).

 

As an example:

You just asked me if you could "peas" have a chip and after I gave it to you I asked you "Liam can you say "Thank You"? (a phrased I've never prompted before but figured "Why not"). You looked at me with GREAT delight and much dancing of eyes and said "yes!" before you kissed me and ran back off to twirl around Daddy's legs while he cooks dinner.

You AMAZE us with your recpetive skills all the time and this week in particular you've really impressed us with your budding vocabulary

 

As of today (May 3rd 2010) the following are words that are part of your ACTIVE vocabulary (meaning that you know them and can pull them from thin air without being prompted) Unless otherwise specified your pronunciation is pretty good.

 

1. Daddy (Da-da)
2. Mommy (Ma-ma)
3. Grandma (Oma, or "moe-ma)
4. Duffy (Duff-Duff, which is what we call him)
5. Lobo (Bo)
6. dog (dog)
7. cat ( cat or "at" or something very much like "kitty")
8. hat
9. Please (peas)
10. done ("duh" often repeated over and over with much urgency)
11. shoe
12. bubble
13. book
14. nurse ("nur" OR "nur nur"
15. juice (jew)
16. cheese (cheese OR ease)
17. train (choo choo OR Ch-Ch)
18. milk (mo or muk)
19. trash
20. mess (mees OR mi)
21. Mae Mae (my childhood doll, now your baby, formerly known as "Mae-Ling"
22. Ball
23. help (ulp OR elp)
24. up
25. where IS?
26. penis
27. necklace (becklace)
28. bye
29. yes (yesh)
30. bird
31. eat
32. eye
33. nose (know)
34. teeth (tchee)
35. ewww
36. yuck
37. foot
38. toe 
39. oww  or owwie
40. whoa!!!

 

additional words that are clear to us but we may need to study longer before we can figure out how to transcribe your pronunciation

• bike
• park
• swing
• chochlate
• jump
• dance
• spin
• bike-ride
• mow
• outside (oooh OR  oww)

 

Words/phrases that you SEEM to use (most of which you pronounce so weird I have NO chance of doing it justice at the moment)  

• I love you
• want this (wan-dis)
• there-you-go (????)

 

Animal sounds you know (when asked "Liam what does a ______ say?")

• cow
• giraffe
• peacock
• duck
• rhinosouraus
• lion
• sea lion
• seal
• tiger
• hippopotomous (not so much a sound as an opening of the mouth in a yawning manner
• alligator (you sign not say but your little arm jaws are too adorable not to be mentioned here)
• emu (again not a sound but attacking your head with a bird-head hand shape)

 

I'll be adding more as I remember them but I didn't want to forget to remind myself to remember!

We've had a great month here.  The weather is great for bike riding, Liam loves the outdoors, and there are a bunch of events going on.  With Liam drinking milk, the two of us can really take advantage of our new-found mobility. <G>

 

We went to an event at Camp Mabry (American Heroes Day) and had a literal blast.  Liam got to sit in the cockpit of a chopper and watch several battle reenactments.  The Special Forces team did a fast-rope assault out of a Blackhawk helicopter, which was neat...but then the chopper fired blank rounds from its machine gun, and that made Liam upset.  Just too loud and unexpected.  But watching the tank fire during the WWII reenactment was cool for him.  We were just a couple feet away when it rolled past...and he was cheering up a storm!

 

Then last weekend, we attended a festival at the Jewish Community Center across the highway from us.  The highlight for Liam was probably the petting zoo.  The animals were calm enough that Liam could approach and pet bunnies, ducklings, lambs, a rooster, chicks, goats, etc.  All great fun.  THen he wanted to pick everyone up and hold them!  Now, one of the rabbits was about his size...so I helped him.  I think the rabbits are his new thing...they are little, soft dogs to him. <G>  I was a little concerned he would be too rough, considering how he and Duffy are now wrestling and playing tug-of-war.  But Liam accepted my assistance with good grace.  He also got kissed by a camel.  There were two on display that he wanted to check out.  So, while the eight and ten-year olds were leery of approaching the gangly animals, Liam wanted put down so he could run up and hug them.  Way to go, kid!

 

You've begun drinking milk this past week (Mommy and Grandma are allergic so it took us a while to brave it with you). I was nervous for nothing: YOU LOVE YOUR MILK! (and it seems to love you back)

 

All of a sudden long car-rides, lengthy stroller rides, and evenings without mommy seem much easier. I think your milk consumption is also helping you sleep longer at night because I'm getting multiple hours at a stretch in the early part of the evening when you used to need me every half hour to hour. It's great for you. It's bitter sweet for me.

 

I'm enjoying the extra time for things I need to do (and even the occasional time for things I WANT TO do) but I'm also sad to think that nursing may be decreasing. I've always planned to nurse you for a long time (until your third birthday or so) and that's still my plan. But something about this transition to milk in a sippy feels like a very real sign of you growing up. Right now it's just a sippy but next it's a haircut, and then you'll be in kindergarten... college, married... grown.   

You've outgrown the first shoes we really bought for you (not including the tiny winter boots for your newborn self) and for some reason I'm finding parting with them hard. I'm thrilled that you are growing and flourishing (and I love your massive size seven paws). None-the-less it's sometimes a bit much to look for my baby and see the little boy you are becoming.

 

I used to catch myself saying "I can't wait until he's old enough to...." I fantasized (and still do) about building model rockets with you: about craft projects, and fort building, and scavenger hunting, I dream about mapmaking, and adventure seeking and cookie baking. I plan elaborate projects I'll never remember instead of losing myself entirely in 14-month-old you... and I know those things will be great. But the truth is I CAN wait.... and I want to.

 

I can't get enough of you kid. Just the way you are. You take my breath away.  

 

 

Our pediatrician asked us at Liam's 1 year check up how many words he has... we looked at each other and did a mental tally--- "uhm, 10 or 15 maybe... well are you asking for words other people could understand or words that WE know? 'Cause he's only got like maybe 5 or 7 that other people would be able to recognize..." He, of course, told us that 5 recognizable for a one year old is PLENTLY and fairly precocious. We knew, cognitively, that he was ahead of the curve but it didn't exactly feel like he was "talking" or even communicating all that well most of the time.

 

But recently he's had quite the verbal explosion--we have a seemingly zillion new words ("cash" and "play-dough" and "deck" among them--who'da thunk?) Liam can name several of his friends, his baby doll, the dog, and important family members (though he calls himself something that sounds a lot like "meesh-meesh" when you ask his name-- I guess "L"s are hard).  

 

I hope I'll find time to catalogue the new words here but my favorite verbal highlight was yesterday’s landmark sentence: (yes, sentence!) "Daddy read me please" (well "Da-da read me peas" but still) Liam has been using two word vocalizations for a while ("help please" is the most common) but I was FLOORED by the 4 word pairing.

 

Liam also has more signs than ever and has begun combining words and signs (both signing a word while saying the same word i.e. "peas" while signing "please" as well as signing one word while saying another i.e. "cheese" while signing "please" or "cat" while signing "where is?"

 

I'm amazed at Liam's emerging conversational abilities. While driving today he started signing "work" and pointing at his Daddy. I kept telling him that Daddy wasn't at work, that he was right there in the car and that we were going home to cook dinner. He got more and more emphatic: Daddy, work, work, Daddy... and then he pointed out of the car and I realized that we were driving through one of the main intersections we ride our bikes through when we ride to Daddy's work--he wasn't telling me that Daddy was AT work, he was telling me that we were NEAR Daddy's work. (Similarly he'll frequently ask me where people are throughout the day. "Daddy work?" "Oma work?" "Duff home?") It's incredible. He's incredible. 

• You feed the dog (almost all by yourself)
• You sort and put away forks and spoons in the proper drawers (with Mommy's help distinguishing--you will hold up an utinsel and wait for the label, then place it in the right drawer)
• You help unload the dishwasher (putting away your dishes in "your cabinet" and the tupperware in the "tupperware cabinet" with little more than a verbal direction and the occasional gesture/pointing)
• You help set the table (carry the dishes, silverware, and occasional odds and ends to the table)
• You can put the candles in the shabbat candlesticks as well as put the candlesticks on the table (that one worries mommy--they are BIG and I worry you will drop them on your toes!)
• You put the soap in the soap dispenser of the dishwasher, close the soap trap door, and then close the whole dishwasher
• You help move laundry from the washer to the dryer (peice by piece)
• You put your clothes in your dirty clothes hamper at night all by yourself
• You help make juice (pulling the tab off the frozen concentrate with some help, pouring and squeezing the frozen juice with very little help, and stirring while mommy dumps in the cans of water).
• You put away your shoes, as well as help me find my shoes (you know the difference between "shoes" and "boots" and will find the right footwear most of the time when asked.
• You are a GREAT trash throw-er-away-er
• You know "screws please" and will bring Daddy and I a screw or several when needed while working on the deck. (You also seem to generally know that they aren't for playing in and take your job very seriously)
• You help put your harness on in your carseat.
• You help get yourself dressed (choosing clothes as well as actually stepping in, pulling on, off, etc)
• You help mommy find her car in parkinglots (I put you down and ask you "where is mommy's car" and you find it)
• You can find Oma at her work ("Where's Oma" I ask in the parkinglot and you grab my finger and drag me pointing and saying "up" "up" "where's Oma" "Oma Up" up the stairs, through the lobby, down the hall, etc)

 

There's more... (it's hard to remember it all!)

• You've learned to turn on the radio by mommy and daddy's bed (which somehow mysteriously got set to a hip-hop station?) and you do so with great glee every morning so you can dance to the heavy beats. (You are doing it right now)
• You call your Daddy "Ris" (Like "Chris without the "K") and you frequently call "Ris wash!" (Chris Watch!) I guess you've figured out that I always call him in to watch you when you learn a new trick or do anything particularily cute (aka--ALL THE TIME!)
• You signed in your sleep last night: "Nurse again". You didn't nurse... you were just signing. I guess dreaming. (And I thought laughing in your sleep was cute! I have always wondered if you dreamed and, if so, what you dreamed about. I guess now I know).
• You have learned several animal sounds. Duck: "Wack Wack Wack" (Quack), Cow "MMMMMM" (Moo), Elephant: you blow rasperries (I make an elephant sound by pressing my lips together and blowing to get that trumpetting sound--you do it with your tounge out and a look of PURE JOY). Rhinoceorus: you snort and suff (like your book "Moo Baa LaLaLa")
• You FINALLY call me "Mama" appropriately to my face. You are playing with labeling Dada and Mama while pointing. (And apparantly when we left you with Oma and Opa to go to Brynn's wedding yesterday you would say "Mama" or "Dada" and then make your "Where Is?" sign. You've really become quite a good communicator.
• Your best sentance right now is "Ulp Ease" (Help please)
• You can ALMOST do a summer sault all by your self. (You get in position, go up on your toes... and just can't QUITE get the momentum to go over without a touch of help yet). You will "roll" on command and often do it for no apparant reason as well (in the middle of the kitchen, off the side of the playground equipment... etc)
• You can TOTALLY do your Sit-N-Spin by yourself for as long as you want to now... just like a real live KID!
• You've totally gotten down peeing on the potty in the morning and will often do it if placed on the potty at other times. You aren't great, yet, about knowing enough beforehand to ask but sometimes you do.
• You can walkin in MY cowboy boots! (I didn't know kids started playing in their parents' shoes this early).
• You love to play soccer and fetch with the dog
• You can easily spend an hour watching construction vehicles at work.
• You give AMAZING hugs (sometimes even on command) and have taken to sitting on Oma in the evenings when she's stretched out on the floor. You are making people's days with your amazing shows of affection. (Vincent, our friend at shul, positively lights up when you approach him.)
• You "gather the light" when we light the sabbath candles (or when you see the candlesticks). And you LOVE to "practice" lighting them. We light, re-light, and chant over and over (always ending the prayer with "and commands us to kindle the lights cause Liam wants to" instead of "the lights of Shabbat")
• You officially have a chore: You can feed the dog all by yourself now. (Well we fill the cup but you walk it to his bowl, pour, and then sign/say "Water" and wait for the cup of water. Then you walk the cup back and return it to it's home in the dog-food bin in the hall closet.
• You understand SO many words and rituals! You'll bring us your hat, shoes, and pants to tell us you want to go outside (because you know we'll make you get all of those things). And this week you've even started bringing me MY shoes because you know I'll make you wait for me to find them before we go out on the bike.
• You still love to clean up. At Central Market you cleaned up everyone's trash (you do this at parks too), at Little Gym you will put away ALL the balls, and at the playgroup at the J last week you were the ONLY child to help clean up (and you are the youngest walker!).
• You like to pay for things at stores. You'll get money out of our wallets and hand it to the cashier, push buttons to enter PINs and zipcodes (we guide you to the RIGHT buttons) and accept your reciepts. (You've also learned about the Buddy Bucks at HEB and carry them carefully to the machine so that you can feed them in to get your sticker).
• You've started "reading" on your own--especially in the car. (Though you dissapointed us for the first time the month when you tore apart a library book with your teeth (we had to buy it).
• You take GREAT delight in throwing things (sometimes appropriately and sometimes NOT).
• It's HARD not to laugh when you are giggling at something "naughty" you did (we don't call you naughty but you know... and you'll look at us triumphant after throwing your cheese or whate-have-you and GIGGLE. It is nearly impossible to keep my strict mommy face!
• You LOVE eating in your booster seat (Thank goodness--we never had great luck with the highchair) and you LOVE cheese--especially the good ones like the rawmilk cheese from the farmer's market.
• You are the master of the "Please" sign and it melts my heart everytime.
• I couldn't love you more  

 

I owe you words Liam. I wish I did a better job of recording you here. I know there are a million moments I breathed in and prayed I'd never forget that never make it onto the page and that, then, flit straight out of my conciousness and into the ether forever.

 

I wish I could capture the twinkle in your eye these days. The mischeif, the understanding, the love and delight and sheer amazingness. So far I think this is my favorite month of being your mama. I just hate that I'm too busy sucking it in to remember to record it for later.

 

I'm sorry about all the stories I'll have forgotten by the time you are old enough to read this.

 

Thank you for making the magic moments so frequent that they don't constitute stand out memories. Thank you for being the boy you are, who knows that cows moo and ducks quack and that signing "please" means you get what you want. The boy who hides everything and shugs "Where is it" only to reveal it moments later with a grin that could power the whole state of Texas. Thank you for loving the penguins at SeaWorld and for smelling every flower you see (and even the ones on Daddy's shirts because you know it makes me laugh). I've loved watching you learn to turn summersaults and figure our your sit-n-spin this week. And you amaze me with your ability to fall asleep in the WeeRide when daddy takes you on long bike rides (but never when I do?!) I hope I never forget your obsession with "zoom zooms" (anything with wheels but especially motorcycles)--your delight in them is contagious.

 

I never thought I'd get so excited to see a motorcycle roar down the block or a Harley in a parking lot (we've actually met several sweet Bikers who've let you sit on their bikes and reved their engines for you). I hadn't anticipated the endless bikerides or your ability to find each "zoom zoom" in your massive board book collection (you know, before opening them, which pages of what books contain the beloved objects and will search to find the right book, right page, or lift the right flap).

 

I wonder, too, if Arabic music will always make me think of you. You've fallen in love with a CD you chose way back when you were JUST begining to have dicernable prefrences (4 months maybe?) at Central Market and that your Daddy and I purchased because you were adorable bopping to it in the store with the gigantic headphones on your tiny head. We figured we'd listen to it but you probably wouldn't ever love it like you loved the Itsy Bitsy Spider). It's on ALL the time in the car. You, KK, and I all sing along (horribily slaughtering the words) and you dance, clap, slap your thighs, and generally amuse us all).

 

I remember when I was 19 and I had my new car, my new apartment, and my wedding just on the horizion driving around with my windows down and feeling the happy bubble up inside me. I thought to myself then: "THESE are the days--THIS is what everyone is talking about. THIS is what I'll look back on. THESE ARE MY GOOD OLD DAYS" and I have that same feeling now driving with you with the moonroof cracked, spring in the wind, and the minivan covered in baby goo. It may not be pretty or exotic or even the tiniest bit unique but I love this stage of our lives: I LOVE the pass-the-cheerios-back-to-you-in-the-snack-trap, ask-you-if-you-want-your-music-and-watch-you-start-to-dance-before-it-even-starts, see-you-light-up-with-recognition-and-crow-"Da-Da"-when-we-enter-the-parkinglot-of-his-building, watching-you-babble-to-yourself-in-the-rear-view-mirror part of my day.

 

THANK YOU (I'll try to do better at writing it all down... I know you'll find the mommy-loves-you notes embarrasing at times. But I want you to know that, embarrasing or not, just looking at you makes me kvell.)

Ruth, that is.

 

I love that her birthday is right on the cusp of spring.  The flowers start to bloom, the oppressive gray winter skies clear out, the light lingers well into evening.  Magic time for a magic woman.

 

Today was a blast, and it was hard to tell if Ruth or Liam was having more fun.  There is a company that builds sheds and playscapes, and they have an open display area.  We went to check it out.  Liam loved the little play houses, ducking in and out of the child-sized doors, exploring the lofts in some of them.  All three of us enjoyed the different playscapes--a half-pint pirate ship, a castle tower, a wooden choo-choo train.  There were slings, slides, climbing walls, and other great features.  But the highlight was taking Liam on his first trampoline!  There were three of them, all with safetly enclosures...so up he went with Ruth, and they bounced and bounced and bounced...amazing to see them flying together.

 

Thank you, Ruth, for making MY dreams come true.

 

And may we enjoy many more birthdays together.

 

Chris

Annoying how real life can intrude sometimes...

 

Sunday was the annual Zilker Kite Festival, and Ruth had to be at work.  This isn't the first time that Ruth and I couldn't be together for a 'Liam First', but it was the biggest.  I realiy missed being able to share that experience with her.

 

Liam and I parked quite a bit a way and hiked in, using the backpack carrier we'd found at a church garage sale.  He love being up high and able to look forward--no complaints and lots of happy squeals and exclamations.  There were dogs and kids everywhere, and Liam was in hog heaven.  (or is that dog heaven?) 

 

Personally, I was thrilled to see all the kites.  It was magical seeing several hundred (if not thousands) up all over the soccer fields, dancing like fairies on the ends of tethers.  There were some competitions going on (precision flying, largest kite, etc.) that were interesting to me.  Liam found them pleasant enough, but his real focus was more terrestrial.  (or terrierstrial, perhaps)

 

The only downside is that I didn't put enough sunscreen on his face, and he got his first sunburn.  Not that he complains about it, but his cheeks are more pink than is healthy.

 

I love my together time with Liam.  I love that he and I can go out for a day or an afternoon and we can enjoy each other rather than frazzle each other.  It makes me wonder what my dad and I were like when I was Liam's age.  Did I try to call for him when he wasn't around?  Liam does...either 'da-da-da' or 'RIS!'  I have vague memories of talking on the phone with him when I was three or four and he called home from work.  I think we had a little ritual of 'the call', but I may be misremembering. 

 

Tomorrow, Ruth may be taking Liam to SeaWorld without me.  I have to work.  I don't want to deprive Liam of any experiences like that, but it is hard to not be there.  Liam loves his fish, and I can't help but wonder what he will think of his first dolphin or orca.  Such is life, I know.  And I am truly blessed to be with my son as much as I am.  I know not everyone is so lucky, and I just want to let the world, and especially Ruth, know how lucky I feel.  Ruth and Liam have given me magic.

 

So, thank you, my precious ones.

 

Love,

Daddy/Chris/Husband Yours.

Liam Liam--I know I say it all too often but  you are SO SMART! I can't get over your language aquisition and usage. I want to write something clever and cute but my brain isn't up to it right now. Instead I'll record how very clever you are: (in no particular order)

 

Words you CAN SAY (clearly, recognizably, and in the proper context)

• Da Da (Daddy)
• Bubble
• Ball
• Dog
• Duff (Duffy--the dog)
• Hat
• Out (outside or out of your highchair/carseat)
• Bye
• Hi
• "Vroom-Vroom" (toy cars, real cars, motorcycles, your favorite truck)

 

Words you have said (but we haven't heard in a while or we aren't sure you've technically "mastered")

• Cheese
• Book
• Read
• Peek-a-boo
• Cat
• "Moo" ("a cow says...")
• O-ma (Grandma) 
• Ma-Ma (Oma says you've mastered this one but I never hear it and Daddy says he doesn't either?)
• leash
• in
• slide
• wee
• wow
• whoa
• poop
• teeth
• eye (usually said while attempting to touch/poke someone elses)
• block

 

Words you can sign (distinguishably, reliably, in the right context)

• Finished
• Again
• Please
• Fish
• Hat
• Bike (this is NOT an ASL sign but you have your own sign and it is VERY consistant and CLEAR--it's your FAVORITE command at the moment. You ADORE your bike rides)
• Music (NOT ASL--but a very clear Liam sign)

 

Commands you follow well:

• wipe your face please
• clap
• put it away (a WIDE variety of objects in their proper places)
• close the door please
• close it please
• open
• feed the dog (you get the cup, go to the closet where the food it, wait for us to fill the cup, walk back to the dog's food dish, poor the food (all over the floor), help clean up the spilled kibble, then walk the cup back to the dog-food closet and put it in the dog-food canister).
• stop
• no
• walk away please (you don't ALWAYS obey but you know the command)
• "where'd it go?" (you look for whatever "it" is. You also hide things and then ask us with your "where'd it go gesture")
• tickle ____ (you understand "tickle" perfectly and usually tickle the proper person with just oral direction within your circle of familiars)
• kiss
• "We are about to go outside--what do you need?" (you say "hat", sign "hat", and either go to find said article of clothing or come to me to have it put on your head).
• Do you need to go potty? (You'll take our hand and run to the potty)
• kick the ball
• throw the ball
• where is your toe?
• Where is your foot?
• show me
• put it back

 

Words we are pretty sure you know receptively

• phone
• eat
• diaper
• head
• eye
• hug
• nurse (I KNOW you know this one)
• "donk"
• spin
• swing
• park
• dance
• truck
• car
• shoes
• coat
• Duffy's box (and "Duffy's toy" and "Duffy's coat" and "Duffy's harness"--if asked to get these objects you typically do)
• trash
• come here
• I'm going to get you
• Eebee (your favorite stuffed toy)

 

I'm sure I forgot some (and I'm sure I'll go back and add) but I figure a partial list is better than no list at all. I love you little man. Thanks for being exactly who you are. I couldn't ask for more than the amazing bike and dog obsessed little man you are. I can't believe a year ago you couldn't even roll over (and two years ago we didn't even know if we'd ever get you). You amaze me.

I've got to get video of you hunching your shoulders and turning your little hands out in mock question when you hide something. It's SO amazing to see you learning all our games: "Where DID it go Liam?" (the time that is--I can't believe you are so big already)

Liam you amaze me--you are mastering the skill of putting things AWAY and you even seem to remember the various "homes" of all your many different obsessions ("vroom vroom" the car lives in the red toy cube, Duffy's harness on top of his box, your shoes in their bin in the hall, your hat and coat on their hooks in the hall, etc.) It's crazy to be able to ask you to go put something away and watch you head off to do just that.

 

Actually you are getting really good at a variety of simple commands:

 

"Liam can you spin around" (you do it)

"Liam can you clap" (you do it with a BIG smile)

"Liam--we are about to go outside--what do we need?" ("hAT" and you mime putting it on)

"Liam--say bye bye" (you wave)

"Liam do you want to brush your teeth?" (You touch your mouth and make a "Ch-sh-ch-sh" sound)

"Liam--where are your toes?" (you show us)

"Liam can you tickle Daddy/Mommy/Oma/KK/Duffy/etc?" (you LOVE this one!)

 

 

You also "dissapear" into your box house frequently to hide from us while we make a big deal out having lost the baby (You so this sometimes on your own initiative, sometimes as part of other games, and sometimes on command--Do you think most one-year olds know the word dissapear?)

 

Perhaps the most impressive example of your budding receptive language and competance (and SWEET HELPFUL nature) happened a few days ago. I aksed you if you could please bring me Duffy's coat from the living room and you did it--just walked to the livingroom picked up the coat, turned around and brought it back to me. Like a REAL PERSON--who understands English and everything--it's so WEIRD!

 

Oh and you are also really flirting with potty trianing right now. You'll look down, tap your diaper, and so "Oh" when you need to go or when you just did. And then you'll take my hand and happily wander off to potty or diaper change. It's crazy how big you seem this week. (I think I lost track of how capable you were when you were so sick last week!)  

When you have a birthday when you are little people always ask you how if feels to be 8 or 13 or 18... and I always remember thinking that it was a dumb question. I figured that birthdays were really pretty arbitrary and that being 7 years 364 days old really wansn't any different than being 7 years 365 days old....

 

And it's still true. It's still an arbitrary number, a strange flipping over of an artificial system...

 

I still haven't cried or gotten all sentimental the way people seem to expect.

 

And yet you turn one today (I still can't believe it--how old are you? ONE!) And it DOES feel like something. I realized that something was different today when I looked back at you asleep in the carseat and saw a little boy, not a baby. Playing and reading with you this last week is differetn: you have more words and more games and more understanding.... Yesterday you actually picked up a package of Valentines off the shelf at HEB and walked clear across the store to get in line to buy them (you even checked each isle until you found one with a checker!)

 

I can't say that the overwhelming emotion when I think about you turning one isn't sad--it is. When I think about the mile-marker you've just blown through I feel a very real loss. You'll never be a little baby again. You will outgrow your baby clothes and your baby ways and you'll stop being the little guy that I've grown to love. And I will miss him more than I can say. So when people ask how I feel about you turning one that part of me screams out that it is horrible and I want time to stop.

 

But the thing is--I don't feel any of that stuff when I'm actually WITH you. There's no way on this Earth that I could ever catagorize the actual person you are right now as in any way LESS than anything or anyone else.

 

You are so much MORE than I ever had any right to expect (or even hope for). You are more fun and more adorable and more tender.  You have the curiosity and the persistance that I anticipated and the intelligence that your Daddy and I always felt guilty for hoping for.  You have the best laugh and an AMAZING sense of humor. You are competant and confident in ways I never expected you to be so young... and perhaps most surprising you are SWEETER than I had any notion you could be.

 

So, no, I have no desire to freeze you in time or stop you from growing because, let me tell you, every day I wake up it just gets better. It's hard to imagine that I'll ever love you more than I do right now (or find you more perfect) but I have no doubt I will love you more next year this time than I do right now.

 

I love you more every time you learn a new word, or hug a friend, or chase us down the hall to tickle us. I love you more every time you bring me a book or ask for bubbles or cackle when we play peek-a-boo. I love you more when you need me at night, and when you don't. I love you more when you fall down and get up without crying and when you cry about nothing but being little and frustrated. I love you more everytime you explore the world.

 

 I love you more when you listen to "no" (and even more when you don't). Kid--I love you more everytime you breathe.

 

The danger that comes with prolonged infertility is that it gives you years to fantasize about the "perfect" baby. I don't know about other women but I always secretly worried that when I finally did get pregnant, did have a baby, did get to parent a child, etc... I'd be dissapointed (and I'm frustratingly easily dissapointed--just ask your dad). But I'm happy to report that you, Liam, have surpassed even the massively inflated daydreams of your neurotic mother. 

 

I've loved the idea of you for years...  and now, for a year, I've loved the reality of you too.

We might have done your birthday bigger... if you hadn't been sick all week.

 

We might have had people over ... if it hadn't been horrible weather (they'd even predicted snow).

 

We might have gotten better pictures... if I'd done a better job of planning ahead and set things up JUST so.

 

I might have finished your birthday montage movie ... if I didn't care so much about getting it just right

 

We might have kept up with the mommy-blogger "Joneses"... if we'd spent more money

 

I might have written a more  beautiful entry... if I were less in my head

or more like other moms

 

We might have LOOKED like we loved you better,

or celebrated you more

 

But the truth is, Liam, we couldn't possibly love you more

or be happier you were born.

 

 

It's been a year--one year ago, as I write this, we were packing and trying to get some sleep before making our way to the hospital at 5-something in the morning to meet our SON!

 

It's just another day but it is also the end of a chapter--the end of "new" mom-ness and all the fragile newness of infanthood.

 

Today was the last new date--Liam has now experienced every day of the calendar year (not counting leap years). He's had his first day, his first week, his first month. We've seen his first spring, summer, and fall (and parts of two winters!). He's had all his first holidays... and tomorrow he'll have his first birthday.

 

Words fail me.

There's a song (which is probably an oldie by the time you read this Liam--and is a love song of the romantic variety so it's probably totally inappropriate for it to remind me of you anyway). The last bit goes:

"Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you"

 

I know that this stage can't last (and that if it did I'd miss out on all the great stuff around the corner) but I hear those lines in my head every time you steal a stealth kiss as you run through the kitchen after your dog, or babble in the backseat as you giggle and dance to your current favorite cd (Arabic "Dance Groove"), or tickle me or Daddy (or any one else who will let you for that matter), or follow directions (I've NEVER been so proud as when you beat all the 18 month-olds at Little Gym to put up your bells in the middle of the circle with no adult help, virtually no prompting, and absolutely none of the put-one-up-grab-another-one behavior so typical of little people your age).

 

I will never be able to describe the warmth you fill me with or the way your laughter makes the world sparkle. I pray I don't forget what it's like to wake up to you in the morning--smile emerging, body newly awake, nursing, tickling daddy, babbling, kissing, wiggling, giggling, hugging, glowing.

Or what it's like to lie underneath the bubbles with you at night as we watch our day wind down around us--your weight melting into me, your eyes transfixed, hands reaching toward the bubbles, mouth agape, eyes alight with wonder.

 

I know you won't always throw your arms around me with such abandon or want to roll around wrestling me. I know that eventually you'll figure out that, despite what you thought when you were a baby I am not, in fact, THE COOLEST PERSON ON EARTH... The thing is: I'm not sure that you aren't just that

.  

Liam has developed a new game in the last couple of weeks...he now tries to tickle me to wake me up.  He still scratches more than tickles, but I can't think of a sweeter way to be woken.  And tonight at dinner he was obligingly going from person to person, tickling all the way. "Liam, tickle Daddy!"  and he runs over to scratch at my leg.  "Liam, tickle Mommy!" and he ran back the way he came, almost stopping to tickle his big cousin, but then getting back on course.

 

He takes such delight in playing with us.  And he is never happier than when Ruth and I are both with him.  I'm so glad we can give him that opportunity. <G>

 

One of the more frustrating (and fascinating to your people-watcher mama) things about raising you so far is that suddenly you seem to have crossed some imaginary boundary between "baby" and "child" in strangers eyes. I'm not sure when it happened exactly but I'm realizing that when I took you out in the early months (and really up until a few weeks ago) people stared and stopped and spoke to you ALL the time. Everywhere we went you drew a crowd and we couldn't get down a single aisle at the grocery store without several people cooing over you.

But now they avert their eyes from yours the same way they do from the eyes of all the other people in the store. Somehow you've graduated into being "graced" with polite social distance. Which is fine (I study communication I know how important the idea of psychological space is in public places) except that you LOVE interatcing with people and you TRY SO HARD! You wave and say hi and "bye bye" and just don't understand why people won't look at you or talk to you anymore.

It's frustrating and sad. I want people to see you but you've, apparantly, ceased to be noteworthy in the public eye and have melted instead, into the masses.

I won't lie. I've got a touch (a tiny touch) of the baby blues when I think about you turning one in a few weeks. And I hesitated the other day when someone asked your age because I  didn't want to say 11 months--it's too close to 12.

I remember distinctly running to the Babies R Us when you were 6 days old: a woman there asked me how old you were (You were hidden in the sling so she had no idea how tiny you were). When I told her her eyes flickered in surprise and I thought that she was right--that it truly is incredible and amazing to be only single-digit days old. That that only happens for 9 days of a person's whole lifetime and I better hold on tight.  And I was sad when I had to start measuring your age in months instead of weeks. So this sorrow about moving from months to years is not new (nor will it keep). It's a sweet sorrow (I hope you measure your life in decades not months!) but it is a closing of an amazing chapter of you and I'll forever wish I could flip back and visit.

When you went to bed tonight you were 10 months old. When you wake up you'll be 11--crazy how milestones like that come unbidden and with no fanfare (it'll be the same when you turn one year old in a month--craziness!)

Something else that came with no fanfare this month: you "going to bed" in any way that merits that term. We've always practiced attachment parenting and never really worried about trying to force a specific bedtime or focus on you sleeping in your own bed. You've always fallen asleep nursing (like all the books say not to let happen), slept in our bed, and slept VERY well as long as we didn't put you down. When our friends talk wistfully about the "good old days" when they were able to sleep for longer than 3 hours at a stretch we've tried not to gloat about being so well rested. You see, sleep just hasn't been a problem in our house (it's been everything else that couldn't get done because we were too busy cuddling/holding you!) You've always been a good sleeper. It's just that you needed to be in arms if we wanted you to sleep for more than 15 minutes at a stretch. But after we painted your new room I wanted to spend more time in it so we started doing a nighttime routine: When you started to look like you were getting sleepy we'd brush your teeth, read a few books, nurse to the music, and then I'd sneak out and leave you alone cuddled in your Boppy pillow.

You took to the routine well (maybe it's the fact that we did bedtime stories and the same CD at night religiously from the day we came home from the hospital until the move?) You always love a good excuse to hang out with both parents and a pile of books and you settle when we put on your CD. Getting you down wasn't a problem (but then it rarely has been). What surprised me is what happened after I left you! The first few nights alone in your new room you woke up disoriented and cried after just a few minutes of solo sleeping. But I nursed you back to sleep and you settled quickly. And now you can sleep on your own for several hours without waking (and when you DO wake you just let out a single cry to let us know you need us--gone are the heartbreaking wails of a panicked baby). I'm loving our current arrangement: I get all the sweetness of story-time snuggles, night time nursing, free hands to be productive, some couple time with your Dad, AND we still get to share our bed with you for the second part of the night so we get our Liam-cuddle fix. It's pretty perfect (but then hasn't that been the theme for our time together so far?)

I know I say it in every post but I can't believe what a little PERSON you've become: Your dad wrote about your newly acquired (and MEGA-adorable) "no no no" head-shake (and how you use it to play with us when you are about to do something you know you shouldn't). You love time at the park (and outside in general). In fact you spend a good portion of each day at the windows/doors asking to go out. (And you know the words "door" and "outside" and maybe "park" and "walk"). The other day your Daddy asked you "Liam--who's at the door?" and you ran to check. (Have I mentioned how amazingly smart you are? Or how impressed I am with your receptive vocabulary?)

I am in awe of you as you get to know your surroundings: your brain is just such a cool little sponge! Everyday I'm floored by the things you know and can do. I asked you last week while at the park if you wanted to go down the slide. You smiled and ran off toward the play-scape giggling. You then proceeded to climb the steps and make your way to the slide. And after you slid down you just hopped off the slide and beamed at me. I can't believe you aren't even a year old yet!

But I think my strongest memories of this time will be family dance time: we bought you a musical instrument set recently and you LOVE it. I think we spend at least an hour a day playing with it just the three of us. You've learned to ask to dance by bouncing and motioning towards the cd player (locked in a trunk to keep it from your tiny precocious hands). "Do you want to dance?" We'll ask and you'll dance harder and beam. We open the trunk, you push the open button on the cd player, remove the old cd, choose a new one, put it in (not always very well), close the cd hatch and then push play (or open again--right now you are in LOVE with the open button). Then we close the trunk and you stand there with your head slightly cocked waiting--or you start dancing in anticipation. Once the music starts you invariably bop for a few bars and then rush to hand out your instruments: tambourine to Mommy, jingle bells to Daddy, drumsticks for Liam, etc. And we dance like fools: We twirl and whirl and jingle and bounce and kiss and cavort and strut our stuff for each other while the polka or classic rock or swing music fills the air (have I mentioned you don't much like "kid's" music? --Except this one nifty cd given to you by your cousin Cristina. You love the little "baby" who sings along with the sweet classical-ish tunes. Though I have to say that it is hard for mommy to figure out how she is supposed to play the tambourine and do the jitterbug to something like that?)

You are also talking more than ever. You say "EEZE" when we open the fridge (and if we don't produce said cheese for your consumption you are VERY unhappy). You can talk on the phone well when in the mood (and almost always say "bye" or "bye-bye" appropriately). You are also vocalizing (non-words) more. I think many of your previous words are becoming less distinct but you are playing with your voice more--using your sounds to communicate more. And I'm happy with that. I hope I never forget the sweet sounds of you "singing" in the carseat as we drive. (We used to call it "Ode to the..." soda can or whatever object you were currently infatuated with. I hope I remember that too. And that you keep that sense of wonder and excitement in small things.)

I can't believe it's been 11 months. I need to start planning your birthday party (why couldn't you have been born in a warmer month?)

People always ask me if I can believe how much I love you--if I had any idea how great it would be (or how hard) to be a mom. I've always had a disappointing answer: The truth is I wasn't surprised by you--not by the joy or the work.

By the time you are reading this you know that your mama is one demanding woman--I have high expectations, I'm too in my head, and I analyze everything to death. I know I'm critical and that I'm not always easy to please. I hope you know that, surprise or not, being your mama is a dream come true. You are the everyday miracle I was hoping for.

Thank you for all the fuzzy baby delight you've brought into my life, and for the toddler frustration you are just begining to manage. And thank you too for the excellence and frustration of raising a school aged child and young adult.

I try to imagine what it'll be like for you to read this stuff when you are older (or for your life partner if you aren't the type who cares). I know as a teenager I would have read the sweet sappy baby years blogs and felt like I'd let my mom down--like I could never possibly reach the bar she'd set--like the semi-grown-up me would always be a disappointment. And if you feel that way it makes sense. But I hope you know that the parts I love about you most aren't the perfect parts. What I love about you most is your spunk and your humor and your tenacity. I love how determined and passionate you are. I love how gentle you are. And how strong. I love the idea of you as a human being--I've never wanted you to be a baby doll or a perfect picture. And frankly I imagine that young-adult you will probably make some serious "mistakes" (I hope you do--it breeds wisdom and character). I just hope that when you are grown and scared or embarrassed or in trouble you will come to us--I don't want you to ever hide or pretend. What I love about right now is how connected and intimate we are and how much you let me know you. I know it's impossible for that level of intimacy to continue. But, boy, how I hope you let me in when you are bigger--regardless of who you become.

I'll love you if you really do grow up and go to Berkley and get a PhD in Anthropology like I always tease you you will.

I'll love you if you grow up and be in Cirque De Soliel like other people always tease.

I'll love you if you are a mechanic or a soldier or a full time dad.

I'll love you if you write, or cook, or ski.

I'll even love you if you join the Radical Right.

'Cause you see, son of mine, that is what being a mom means--you can't screw this up.

I love you forever DoddleBug

Tomorrow, you're going to be 11 months old.  I remember that last month before he came, waiting...breathing a sigh of relief that you were far enough along that if something bad happened, the doctors would try to save you...and that you could come at any moment, and that would be okay.  Wondering if you were going to turn the right way or not...  (not!)  If we had everything we needed...cooking several meals in advance and freezing them...

Liam really enjoys the slides now.  We've sent him down for a while, but he has really come to adore the tunnel slides.  We went to the park today, and I could put him at the top of a slide, where he would wait for me to get to the bottom, then zoom down head-first laughing like a loon.  We spent a couple hours at the park today, exploring the world.  He sat on the ground, systematically picking up every acorn in reach and handing them to me for disposal.  He picked up a twig and banged on the park bench like a drummer.  He ran after a flock of girls who were chasing each other, and tried to take himself for a walk to say hello to a dog a few blocks away.  (Good vision, this one has...)

Liam will now shake his head 'no' when he does something (or pretends to do something) we will disapprove of.  He'll reach for a book on our shelf, shaking his head and getting our attention so that we know he knows not to do it.  He's started asking to use the potty, walking over to it and banging or lifting the lid.  It seems early, but the cloth diaper service said that babies in cloth potty train by 2...so...he's almost halfway there.

And what update would be complete without another one of his circus tricks?  Well...this new one really is from Cirque du Soleil....he can stand on Ruth's chest and balance without any support!  She leans back a little, and he will just stand up like it's no big deal!  (no photos yet, because he just started this....we will work on that)  It is pretty incredible.  In three months he goes from walking to running and climbing ladders, to stunts!  (Hard to imagine what he'll be like in a year....)

My computer died so I haven't even started your 10 month photo gallery (not for lack of trying!) and I have yet post one entry about the lovable laughing little boy you are this month. So sad!

You've blossomed SO much this past month--perhaps most amazing to me is your receptive language: You can clap, spin, put your arms up, and find your toe on command (you also "donk" your head on a wall when asked but that's a long story!) You know so many other words (especially "candy") and are beginning to follow rudimentary instructions ("Liam put this in your cabinet" "Liam find Eeebee") It's truly amazing to be able to hand you a piece of Tupperware and a simple direction and watch you toddle off to put it up in it's proper place, or ask you where your lovie is and watch as you go directly to the red cube in which he lives to find him (and you are frustrated when he's not there). You really are AMAZINGLY smart--well beyond what the books say you should be capable of at this stage. (You know when it's music time, walk to the cd player, choose a cd, try to put it in, and then stand and clap in anticipation of the music. You just don‘t seem 10 months old!).

This month my most notable impression of you is pure joy--you are an exceedingly (and delightfully) happy baby. Lately you've begun laughing in your sleep (real full-on peels of laughter as you nap in my arms or catch some Zs in the stroller with Oma). And you often giggle, clap, and begin dancing at the slightest provocation (and WOW you listen well--one of the songs Daddy and I were listening to--not even a kiddo song--has a line about the world spinning around and as soon as you heard it you got a beatific smile on your face and began spinning around and around in the kitchen.) I wish I'd gotten video of your reaction to the chainsaw when I pulled it out to chop down the bushes in front of our house. I honestly don't think I've ever seen a kid your age more hysterical. You flapped and giggled and threw your head back with mirth--EVERY SINGLE TIME I attacked a new bush (for almost half an hour!). It was absolutely adorable (and frankly a little disturbing--chainsaws are not supposed to be comical.)

You have your own room again for the first time since the move. It’s painted in vaguely rainforesty colors and has a mural of a Pacific Northwest beach on one wall. I can’t wait to take you up to see the REAL Northwest. I want to see you marvel at tide pools, watch your Daddy carry you on his shoulders down forest paths, and introduce you to my personal heaven on earth. But for now the room will do. You seem to love having Liam space again--you roam it proudly and know where all your toys are. I can’t wait until I’m able to do pictures again--the first time I set you on your bed to take pictures you burst out laughing for no reason. 

It really is a charmed life we’re living kid. Thanks for being you.

And it is so hard to believe how much you've changed and grown.  Some things are the same--you always adored balloons, and they still grab your attention.  You do not want to be on your back if you can help it.  You still aren't big on diaper changes (though usually they are okay now).  You love playing with tubes as much as when you were a couple weeks old.  Your favorite books are the same monster-themed ones. 

 

But the changes are so dramatic...you're a beast of a walker now, and experimenting with running and hopping.  You love to dance and spin around in a circle.  We make up games with each other.  (You love to 'donk' your head against the wall to make us laugh).  You'll stretch your arms way up and then slam them down.  You know dogs and cats, up and down, spin, cookie, food...you carry a broom or a mop around with you whenever you can.  You'll come to both Mom and me to be picked up, and now Oma.  You love watching and copying us.  You grab your toes whenever we ask, even pulling off your socks to show us.  You have figured out how to safely get out of the bed in your room.  You'll play by yourself happily, as long as one of us is watching you.  You figured out how to open the front door today....(we're going to have to get a safety chain for that). 

 

You love to eat whatever we are having.  Dark chocolate with chipotle peppers and pop rocks is a new favorite (of yours and mine--thanks, Ruth!)  Hummus, sloppy joes, tomatoes, cheese, wasabi-ranch flavored popcorn...  And watching me in the kitchen is great fun.  So far, you don't reach for my knives, but the dishwasher is an endless source of fascination.

 

You could stay like this forever, Liam.  I treasure this time.  We've become real buddies--I love you chasing me around the house so you can catch and hug me.  I know the sounds you make and what they mean.  I love how you cuddle against my neck when we take our nightly walks, and how you wave at cars, or the train.  I love how hysterically you cackle when your mom and I use the electric chain saw to trim the yard.  I love how you really sleep better when Mom and I are in bed with you, and that you'll throw out an arm to check that both of us are there.  This is a golden period, one I know has to end at some point.  Sooner or later, the real world will intervene.  I'll have to go back to work more regularly.  You'll find new friends, start school, develop interests apart from us.  All that is right and normal.  But for right now, we are each others' worlds. 

 

Love you,

Dad

One of the hard things about trying to blog is that taking time to write the blog means time away from you.  (You're asleep right now, snuggled on the bed.  It took me 30 minutes to extract myself as you were draped over my arm)

 

There are so many amazing things you are doing...from finding your toes to putting away Tupperware when I'm unloading the dishwasher.  You will walk up to us with a book in hand.  You are obsessed with the pink ball at Little Gym.  You try to help other babies stand up with you.  We chase eachother around the house so you can give me a big hug.  You sometimes ask to be put down to grab something interesting.  You feed the dog to bring him closer to you.  Your grandma keeps insisting you are 2 years old.  I don't want you to be two.  I want you at this age forever.  And at the same time, I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

 

Oh, yeah...the weather is turning pretty cold now.  At David's apt., you finally noticed our breath was steaming...kept reaching for the short-lived clouds and trying to pry my mouth open so you could find out where it was coming from. <G>  And you had your first snowfall.  All of 5 minutes, but you did notice some of the dancing flakes.

 

I want to take you to a place with real snow sometime.  When it is night and snowing, the snow insulates you from other sounds.  All you hear is the gentle rustling of the flakes against each other.  It is one of the most peaceful things you will ever hear.

 

 

Raising Liam is just one "best thing" after the next. Today, after a week of illness (first Daddy, then Liam, and finally Mama) Liam was back to his old leprechaun-esk self. He's all smiles and dimples and good humor. And I've never been happier to see a round little face in my life than when he greeted me as I came home from work with a big hug, play wrestling, and tackling me to cover my face in kisses. I giggled, he giggled, we rolled around in the bed, tickling, chortling, kissing, loving and enjoying each other until he fell asleep in my arms. The golden glow of Fall and toddlerhood is upon us, the room spins with the magic of my boy.  

 

Perhaps my favorite Liam trick of the moment is that he's begun requesting and gesturing along with his favorite song: The Itsy Bitsy Spider. "Pider, Pider" he yells while thrusting his hands up and together imitating the spider climbing up! And so it begins: I draw out the first bit "Thhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" (while I begin to make the spider hand shape) and he grins like a fool while he waits--eyes aglow and hands at the ready. "OUT!" he declares with glee while THROWING his hands apart when the rain comes down to wash the poor spider out.

 

I can't believe how adorable and sentient and amazing this little boy who knows where his toes are, requested a bike ride this afternoon, follows us around the house, picks up the phone and asks to call me when I'm at work (and then HUGGGGS the phone so hard the buttons), and can climb half way up the baby gate is. 

 

We are SO blessed! 

I've tried to start this letter a few times now but I never manage it. I seem to want it to be something I'm not capable of writing. But I'd rather write something I don't love than not write something at all ... so here goes:

 

Liam,

Hey Doodlebug. As I write this you are with your dad at gaming night. The two of you have become best buds in the last few months--it seems he has you as often (if not more) than I do during the days since I've been working so much. And I have to say, that as happy as it makes me to see you guys learning each other, playing together, doing things your own way.... I miss you being MY boy. And I worry that I'm not being the mom I want to be. I get all caught up in the shoulds and oughts and comparisons and sometimes I forget to just sit and be and enjoy you. Which is a shame because you are SUCH an enjoyable little guy right now.

 

You are the consummate charmer--whenever we leave the house I have to plan extra time for all the stops I'll have to make to let you say hi and be ogled by the people in the store/restaurant/park. A few nights ago while you were out walking with your Dad you so beguiled a passing police officer by waving at him as he drove by that he turned his car around to take a second look (and then, after having seen your delightful greeting twice he pulled over to tell your dad that you are The Cutest Baby Ever (as if we didn't already know that!))  

 

It really is astounding--the effect you have on people: Regardless of if we are visiting Lowes to buy paint, HEB to get groceries, or just running in somewhere to pick up a quick bite to eat SOMEBODY wants to hold you. And you are just beginning to get over your stranger anxiety. You smile and wave and even sometimes say "hi". You'll even let people hold you for a few seconds before you scream and reach for me.

 

But what amazes me about you isn't your very normal stranger anxiety (what 9 month old ISN'T attached to his mother?) it is your decidedly unique love of other babies. You, my boy, are a HUGGER! You LOVE kids and babies will happily toddle across great distances just to wrap yourself around another child. Just this week we took you to a petting zoo at my old elementary school and you startled all the other parents by showing off your new walking in order to hug the knees of the older children, embrace them from behind as they bent down to pet the animals, and even trying to pick up one (6 year old) girl (she went up on her toes from your effort--you are STRONG!). I lost track of how many parents came over to tell you how sweet you are (and I saw several snapping pictures). It became a big joke and everyone giggled happily about the "hugging zoo" being worth more than the three tickets they paid.

 

It's amazing how you light up a room. You and your Daddy accompanied Dave to this weekend as he visited his ailing father. You lit up everyone on the cancer ward--and got many comments about being the best medicine there is.

 

And you are.

 

This sweet new walker, beginning talker, mommy loving, cuddly on your own terms, curious to a fault stage is truly awesome. I know I'll miss it (and I'm looking forward to the rest).

 

Nine months ago you were inside me, nine months before that you were just a dream. And in not too many weeks I'll be writing you your happy birthday letter and video-taping your first taste of ice-cream. I can't believe how fast it's all flying by.  I'm loving hearing your newest words (today "all done") and seeing you learn how to play (you can put some of your nesting blocks in each other, hide EEbee, play dropsy, chase your parents, push your "pop-pop", identify the letter E in your magnet alphabet, pursue the dogs, pet the cats, wrestle with friends at Little Gym, roll the ball, push buttons, turn pages, crawl through tunnels, navigate playscapes, and more). And I'm excited about the words and art projects and kitchen science to come.  I look forward to taking you to dig for dinosaur "bones", getting your face painted at fairs, and teaching you silly songs.

 

Kid I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Mama loves you.   

 

Liam, it's only a few days until Halloween and then just under 2 weeks until you are 9 months old. And I still haven't made time to write your 8 month letter!

 

Although I fantasize about what I'll write when I'm in the car commuting to and from work or in the shower suddsing up my hair... I haven't yet managed to actually sit down to try and capture the adorableness of now (in either picture or word!). Maybe that is because right now you aren't the least bit interesting in sitting (why would you be--you've learned to WALK this month!) And because you are more eager than capable on your feet your dad and I are usually on ours right along side you. (Have I mentioned how much I love the sweet way you reach for my finger and guide me with great joy toward your newest discovery with such total abandon that you knock yourself off your own feet with your excited flapping?)

 

Gone are the days of lavishing in my arms or on my hip for long periods of time--now you are a constant cruiser: Liam the Great exploring whatever is at eye level (particular favorites include the trash can, the kitchen compost receptacle and the bin in which we keep the dirty rags--oh and anything that might topple over on your precocious little head). Like all babies before you, you LOVE power cords and things that open, and any piece of trash that might be lying innocently on the floor or hiding playfully under the rug enticing you to touch it--lick it--eat it.

 

You have the muscle strength to walk on your own now but still don't quite have the inner ear development you need to have perfect balance. You LOVE to walk--not just because it gets you where you want to go but because you are proud of yourself. We'll catch you practicing: setting progressively longer and longer goals (1 step and back to the couch, now 2, now 3) and BEAMING as you make your way through space. I'm couldn't be more moved by your determination. Right now you can go about 10 steps with no real danger (provided there is something/one to hold onto at the end of those 10 steps) but it's still unreliable enough to cause you great frustration.

 

You are crazy steady on your feet for an 8 month old. But you ARE still only 8 months old and your body often betrays you by teetering precariously or falling backwards onto its bottom when you'd much rather it be up running in circles, chortling with glee, and tearing things. I'm impressed by your fortitude (it's wonderful to see you work so diligently to accomplish something you so clearly want) and I admire your courage--you will, when motivated, simply walk away from any form of support and throw yourself whole heartedly into walking the 3 feet or so that stand between you and the soda can/stack of mommy's papers/hot bowl of soup on Oma's lap/awesome toy/cute new girl at gymnastics who's eyes are just begging to be explored with your probing fingers. Sometime you make it, sometime you don't, but always you try again. How I love you little man.  

 

You aren't talking much now that you are so focused on walking but you have learned to wave (a too-cute-for-words gesture that involves extending your arm all the way forward and wiggling your fingers in a gripping motion while your palm faces down--always accompanied with a huge grin). You've also learned to share this month (which is nice when you share your Graham Crackers, Veggie Booty, morning bagel, or evening shortbread cookies, but not as pleasant (though still heart rendingly sweet) when you try to share the Halloween chocolate ball you've smushed between your fingers, rubbed across your face, dropped five times, and masticated to varying levels of unrecognizableness)  

 

Most babies, I'm told, have a "lovey" by now--the closest you've come is our car keys (several times you've fallen asleep holding them at night only to wake when, around midnight, I try to pry them from your sweaty fist). You still sleep relatively well at night (provided I'm lying next to you the whole night) and you've developed a new ritual for going to sleep: As you nurse I tend to compulsively rub your head (something you loved as a tiny baby and I still love) but there is a point each night at which you reach up and relocate my hand down your side all the way to your feet as if to say "Mama--YOU like head rubs--I want my FEET rubbed!" And so I comply. Every night (and many naps) you drift off as I rub your tired little feet, draw their warmth and softness up into myself, marvel at how the impossibly tiny little doll's feet you were born with have grown into the solid and practical parts of a little boy's body they are today, and wonder where all they will carry you in the future.

 

When you are asleep you are still my little baby--my lump of sweet and cuddly heaviness... but when you are awake you have become your own boy. I watch you now, pulling every last book from the shelf, waving your parachute, playing peek-a-boo in every possible instance. And I see so much more than the promise of person you once were. I see an emerging boy: You are funny,  playful and powerful. You are sweet, and strong, and smart. You are adorable and adored and adoring (and we are the luckiest parents on earth).

 

And so Goob, I'm sorry I won't let you pull the spindly table over on your head. I'm sorry I won't let you crawl off the foot of the bed, or topple the trash can. I'm sorry I insist on changing your diaper when you don't want it (oh the indignity of being forced to lie down!) and I'm sorry that sometimes, in the middle of the night, I wake you up by kissing your head one too many times. I'm sorry you can't always have what you want exactly when you want it.... But I'm not sorry you keep trying, I won't wish away your stubborn streak, your inexhaustible curiosity, or your tendency to vocalize your objections. I may not let you eat the packing paper or lick the floor but I'll never stop marveling at your determination to do so. Every day with you is a gift. And I am grateful.  

As you can see, our dear little one is indeed ambulatory.  He's been practising for a long time, hanging from our fingers or cruising around all the furniture he can reach.  He's had a few little steps...one or two, then catching himself against something.  But, the very day we got him his first pair of real shoes, he figured it out for real.

 

I was in the back yard, working on a project, when Ruth came to tell me the happy news.  I ran back in to see for myself, and we spent the next hour sending him back and forth between us.  Absolutely delightful.  I called his grandmother to let her know the good news...and he kept on walking...

 

It's funny...people had been warning us that he was going to take off any day now...well, I think that day got here sooner than even they would have thought.

 

He's growing up so fast...he actually wants to play by himself for a little while, exploring his surroundings.  Liam still delights in being with us (he and I have started fencing together!) and has actually gotten more snuggly.  He is still fascinated by tubes of all sorts, and bubbles, and has started interacting with his stuffed animals. 

 

Son--if you ever bother to read this (and you know your dad is a bit of a sap),

You delight me.  I love showing you off to people, and sharing the grocery shopping with you.  I love that you enjoy my cooking, and playing with swords, and hanging on to me as much as you can.  I love watching you grow and change, and finding out who you are.  I love knowing that certain noises mean you are happy and some mean you are about to get angry.  I love that your yell when I put you in the car seat is usually just habit, and that Goldfish crackers make everything better.  You are an amazing child.  Thank you for letting me be your dad.

 

 

As of Tuesday (8 months 2 days for those keeping track) Liam officially walks! (Bear in mind that "officially" and functionally are not the same thing--but he's past just "first steps" now into a wild world of taking multiple steps in a row--up to nine so far--and not always falling at the end--for me that constitutes "walking")

 

I can't believe our boy is ambulatory. He's been trying for SO long and we knew it was coming (he's been bearing weight flat footed for ages, walking with only one finger for a while and cruising around rooms on furniture for almost as long) but it's strange that the magic transition from "trying to walk" to "learning to walk" has actually happened (and before my very eyes--he couldn't walk in the morning and he could in the afternoon!)

 

I hope I don't forget the feeling of scooping our boy up in arms after seeing him do it several times in a row and running to the back yard to yell to Daddy "Liam can WALK!" Daddy came in and we watched a delighted little toddler (Toddler--WOW) launch himself into my arms over and over giggling, grunting, and grinning for an hour. (And BOY was he tired when his noodle legs eventually betrayed him!)

 

Liam loves an audience---he'd love you to check him out walking here.

My darling Doodle Bug--this is the month of nonsense names--I marvel at the things that come out of my mouth (I mean really: "Uber Goober?" who'da thunk it? But it seems to be at the top of the list) and yet I think it's probably reflective of some change in my mindset--you are both more MINE now as we've grown to know eachother better in the past 7 months (as is reflected in my ability to give you a pet name) and also more your own facinating creature capable of being known (and in need of your OWN name instead of just the one we gave you).

 

I guess the increase in nick-names is just a sign of increased familiarity--probably nothing profound or all that interesting to anyone but me but I'm facinated by the outward sign of some inward change in me--exactly when does a mother become "familiar" with her child? Exactly when did that change happen for me? Is 7 months late? Is it even possible to be "familiar" with a tiny baby who is still so much of a mystery yet to unfold? 

 

When you were little (as if 7 months is SO old!) I felt like I could "learn" you and know what to expect--I could even "know" you... but somehow this feeling "familiar" is relatively new. You are my budddy--my pumpkin, my joy, not just my baby, my son, or my progeny.

 

Thank you, Buda Boy, for endless renditions of "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" and playing chase around the island in the kitchen. Thank you for your sleepy stretches and morning kisses. Thank you for babbling and speaking (and even for screaming). I love your laughs and your sloppy kisses, your giggles and your grunts. My world lights up when you smile, and I couldn't be happier you are in it.

These past few weeks have been amazing...I am so lucky that I get this time with Liam.  We've become a feature at the local Half Price Books...the staff all find him adorable.  He's also become a regular at our nearby bagel shop.  We've gone for long walks to the park to watch turtles and play on the swings.  He's figured out 'mama' and 'dada' babbles, which is simply adorable, and he loves to play peek-a-boo with us...and he's the one hiding, ducking out of sight in his crib or under a blanket then jumping up or pulling down the blanket to reveal himself to our delighted squeals.

 

Pretty cool stuff. 

We didn't get you a cookie cake this month sweet one (sorry). Instead you had your first kids meals this week (a cheese quesadilla at Freebirds which you loved, and a grilled cheese sandwhich at Pluckers which you threw).

You are such an amazing bundle of sparkling eyes, contented coos, delighted cackling, and wonder these days. You continually amaze us with your curiosity and emphatic personality. You are a determined (and vocal) little boy and you are learning ways to make your opinions known--you are learning more words and getting better with your hands--there are really quite alot of things you can do by/for yourself (feed yourself, pull to a stand, spider around a room, play with many toys, turn the pages in books, etC) but you are also quick to tell us (read SCREAM) if you can't make it work. You continue to delight us by showing off standing for seconds at a time unassisted, learning new things every day, and your increasing love of books (the other day you pulled all the board books out of your toychest--ignored all the toys--and aranged yourself into the middle of a circle of your literary friends).

You are a gigantic flirt and are still noticed everywhere we go (though you've finally learned your name is "Liam" and not "blue eyes"). People stop what they are doing in the store, pull over their baskets in the parkinglot, and generally make idiots of themselves just to get their hands on you--you really are that darling. (I can't count the number of times I've had parents of their OWN adorable babies tell me that  they hate to admit it but you are the cutest baby they've ever seen) 

I really do wish I could freeze this stage in a bottle--it's impossible to put your aliveness into words but it's magic to watch it unfolding. (Your daddy is really blossoming too--he could absolutley NOT be more enthralled with you!)

These past few weeks have been especially sweet (and especially difficult) because you've become quite the mama's boy. You flat out REFUSE to sleep many times unless I'm holding you or lying in bed with you (and I'm not willing to let you "cry-it-out" since your life is already topsy turvy because of the move). I'm loving all our "snuzzle" time but I'm also falling a bit behind at work and feeling more than a tad useless in the move. (None-the-less I can't ever get enough of the feel of your little downy head cradled in my hand/under my chin/on my shoulder. I love the soft sweet sleepiness of you almost as much as the sparkling bright awakeness of you) and now you've awakened and need me. Off I go to wrap you up in arms. 

Liam-- you are keeping us so busy these days: you have completely mastered the art of pulling to a stand (and are flirting with the idea of taking those first steps). You are army crawling with dangerous speed (still no real crawling thanks to that huge cloth diaper we always have you in--mean 'ole parents that we are). And your verbal skills are blossoming every day.

 

Things you "say" as of today (in rough order of aquisition):

"Hi" (hi) <--- this is a real word often said in the right circumstances

"hewo" (hello) <-- you sometimes subsititute this for your favored "hi"

"Ab-a-dee" (daddy) <--- a pretty clear word almost always used correctly

"Oh-ma" (grandma) <--- you used it perfectly for about a week (even requested calling her on the phone and yelled until you heard her voice after which you carried on an entire conversation and yelled when I took the phone away)

*"pone" (phone) <-- only heard it once but it was clear: Daddy handed you an old cell phone to play with and you looked at it, smiled, and said "oh --pone" and then gazed adoringly at your father until you proceeded to push buttons, suck on the antenea, etc

*"buk" (book) <-- heard it a few times, not sure it's a real word--could just be mimicry

"eye-wa-woo" (I love you?) <--- you say this out of the blue while cuddling us and in sweet moments much the way we say it to you. Who knows? It's probably wishful thinking. (None-the-less last night, after two long days of moving, when we settled into bed you snuggled me and said "yay! .... okay.... eye wa woo" while snuggling and falling asleep in my arms. I know you can't really have "said" that but those are the sounds that came out of your mouth!)

*"el" (elevator) <--- this can't be real and it surprised me but you said it multiple times when requesting a turn to push the button for the elevator at the storage (out of the blue not repeating)

*"han-duh" (handle) <--- this may be my favorite verbal exchange yet: tonight you were spidering around the kitchen holding onto the cabinet doors for support. At one point you found a kitchen knob and looked at me questioningly. I said "handle" and you smiled, repeated some semblance of "han-ul" and petted the knob while I repeated "handle" (why I said "handle" and not "knob" is beyond me!) You looked at me, got a huge smile on your face, and reached for my nose crowing "han-duh" Then you went back and forth between my nose and the knob repeating each time "han-duh". It was adorable and you are right you often use my nose to hold yourself up... I wasn't sure if I should correct you or not. In the end I just gave in to the moment and let myself bask in the glow of your emerging verbal skills.

 

Have I told you lately how very lucky we are that you are ours?

 

Chris has taken to calling Liam "Beautiful Boy" recently (as in "come here beautiful boy" when taking our yogurt covered mosted out of his high chair or lifting him from my arms in the mornings). I'm not sure if he's even aware that he's settled on a nick name but it makes me smile every time.

 

When Liam was about a month old I started making a video about his birth and asked Chris what song he'd choose. I remember now that he chose Lennon's "Beautiful Boy" and cried when I showed him the video. I should dig that up and post it.

 

I love you sweetie(s --both of you).

Liam is finally old enough to go to "Kid's Center" at the gym which we did today for the first time (for all of 15 minutes).

 

He did very well (the 15 minute limit was because we arrived close to closing time--we'd figured limiting it might be good for all of us the first time). It was REALLY odd though handing him over to a total stranger and walking away (both of us!) I wasn't emotional and I didn't even babble to poor child-care worker's ear off with endless information about him. But my arms DID feel really empty as I made my way to the eliptical.

How hard his brain is working some times. The look of concentration on his face...the connections he is making.  Today, we had him in his jumper as we cleaned up the kitchen  (the photos from today will show why...cute stuff!)  And he was looking at me while I said and signed "Daddy" to him....and he was so intense, seeing the action, hearing the words...he gets so close sometimes, it is hard to tell...some of it is wishful thinking on our part, but some of it seems like real words to communicate.  Ruth wrote of the signing 'again'.  That seems real.  But when he sees his blue pacifier and says 'Bu' repeatedly....or 'Umm-ah' whens he sees his grandmother....I know I'm sentimental, but still....I read Stephan Pinker's "The Language Instinct" a few years ago, and found his arguments persuasive.  Who knows?

 

In the meantime, his squeals and laughs are still awfully informative.

There's that old cliché about wine getting better with age... I could say the same for Liam because (as is another cliché) he just keeps getting better and better with each day.

 

But yesterday was something extraordinary (of course I was too busy enjoying it to record it!)

 

Chris already wrote about his managing to pull to a stand (several times over) and loving playing in his Pack-n-Play--and those were definite highlights. But what sticks out for me is Liam's giggle and love and play and language. He's been working on signing "again" in that sort of "I think he signed it so I'll go ahead and reinforce it but I guess I might be making it up" kind of a way for a short while but yesterday it clicked and he's actually using language with us now!

 

It started in the morning when I popped around the corner and startled him with a "boo!" He signed again and I did it again. He got the BIGGEST smile and kept signing it over and over and over... he wasn't even giggling at the "boo" anymore but it was obvious his little brain was making the connection between the sign and the action. It was like seeing a light come-on. The Helen Keller "water" moment I grew up dreaming about.

And then in the afternoon he'd do it to be thrown again, flipped again, kissed again, etc.. It's magic! 

 

(Of course now he's doing it for things we don't quite know how to do again: While getting changed for the gym I took off my shirt and he flapped and signed "again". I wasn't sure how to get much more shirtless!)

 

So maybe our guy will continue getting better with age--but for now I'm just taking delight in the effervescence of the moment.

 

Or...The Best of Times, the Worst of Times...

 

Or, any other literary paradox you would care to enter into.

 

A day or two short of Liam's 6 months, he got pretty good at military-style crawling (using your elbows to pull yourself along).  We were in the kitchen, playing on the floor...and he scooted towards me, dragging himself to my hands, reaching up and grabbing my fingers...

I cried...my little guy, reaching for me...it was such a powerful, achingly beautiful moment.  Words can't really describe it.  It brought back the feeling of when he was born, and I had to fight through the nurses to reach his hand...there he was...struggling to reach me....and he did it!

 

Today, 6 months and one day, has been fantastic.  Our little guy has started to pull himself into a standing position.  He found out that he really enjoys his pack and play...chilling in there for an hour or so while we made faces through the mesh as his giggled, laughed, kicked, squealed, and was generally delightful.  This may have been the best day we've ever had with him.

 

Bedtime was a different story altogether.  We do have a fairly established nighttime ritual.  Brush teeth, story time, dancing, then bed.  I had gone to the library and had a couple of new bedtime books, which he enjoyed.  Liam evens turns the pages on the board books.  His favorite is "The Monster at the End of the Book"...one I remember particularly enjoying as a child.  It was the dancing and sleepy time that was so hard.  Since Ruth will be taking night classes in the fall, I need to be the one to put him to bed.  I've done it a few times, but its usually Ruth who actually dances and places him in his crib.  So, I figured I would take our sleepy guy tonight.  Well...though he was drowsy when I started dancing him, he woke up and wanted to play.  Which is cute, but we need to keep up with the routine.  Liam was at odds with this idea, and let us know about it...vociferiously.

 

After a while of his protest Ruth came up, and I handed him over as I went downstairs to try and start dinner for us.  I came back up after he went down in Ruth's arms.  I wanted to be the one to place him actually in bed.  The transfer from her arms to my arms went smoothly.  I then danced him for another couple of songs before I tried setting him down.  He woke up again...and no amount of rocking, bouncing, dancing, or singing seemed to make a difference.  Ruth came to ask if I needed relief...and I so wanted to give him over.  I knew he wanted her, and it would have been easy.  It also would have been a defeat....to hear our little guy shrieking and bawling...it broke my heart.  But, I did manage to outlast him.  I was crying because of his distress, but he did eventually cry himself out and go limp.  I laid him down gently and then held his hand and cradled his cheek as his breathing smooted out. 

 

My eyes were burning so badly, I couldn't see and slipped down the last couple of stairs.

 

I've had hard moments before, but this may have been the hardest...knowing the easy thing and the right thing to do were not the same...and choosing the right way.

 

And I know that tomorrow is a new day, and all will be forgiven, and I'll have my bright and shining boy smiling at me in the morning.

I've been contemplating this entry for weeks now: I wanted to write one of those brings-tears-to-your-eyes-how-I-love-you-little-one letters that so many mommies in the blog-o-sphere write their babies on important dates like today... I want to spout trite-but-true my-life-will-never-be-the-same-isms, and fill the page with sugary love notes to the baby I never knew how much I would love....

 

But that's just not me.

 

I DID know how much I would love Liam, I'm NOT a different person now, my life HASN'T changed dramatically, and I HAVE known this kind of love before. This doesn't feel new or strange or any of the things other mommies go on about...

 

Transitioning from a family of two to a threesome has been the most natural and easy transition I could imagine. It's been a delightful and heartwarming transition for sure but it hasn't been mind blowing, paradigm shifting, or even really life altering.

 

Don't get me wrong: Our lives are awash with light since Liam's birth: Getting to be his mom has been an amazing blessing and I don't mean to short-change how lucky I feel to be living this life. I'm just not feeling overwhelmed the way people tell you to expect--not from lack of sleep or presence of love or change of roles or anything. My life is the same as it almost always has been since I married Chris: full of love and joy and richness and delight. Punctuated with moments of minor frustration and concern. Overarchingly golden and delicious.

 

Sure we have our moments of tedium (dishes and laundry and busy work will do that) but for the most part our lives are, as parents, (and have been as non-parents) soul-nourishing and smile inducing. Liam's presence has intensified what already was (more tedium and less time to manage it, but also more play, more giggles, mors snuggles, more love). Ours is a inquisitive, obstinate, delightful little bundle of intensity and we we couldn't be happier that he's here--or that he's ours.

Liam LOVED his pacifier when he was first born--we jokingly called it his "mute button" because he screamed when he lost it and quieted immediately when it was returned to his mouth... but somewhere about week one it lost it's magic.

Since then he'd scream and hurl himself flailing backward out of our arms with displeasure at the mere sight of the thing and we'd pretty much decided he was never going to be a pacifier baby (which is fine). But then, yesterday when I offered it to him half heartedly in the car, it was as if I'd suddenly reunited him with his other half. He sucked curiously at first and then with great passion, and then just contentendly until he fell asleep. His whole body relaxed and he seemed happy, content, and adorable. In the 36 hours since then his newly rediscovered rubber friend has been in his mouth almost non-stop.

 

I am happy Liam has found something that makes car-rides more bearable (for all of us!) but I'm also sad that he seems to like it so much during non-auto times. It is, in fact, a PACIFIER in truest sense of the word: My previously very vocal and animated little guy has been replaced with a quiet little bundle of sucking and watching. He's still as curious as ever but he's less vocal, less animated, more reserved--more, well, passive. His smiles and sounds are hidden and, though I find the pacifier quite adorable, I'm lamenting having pushed "mute" on such a sweet and vibrant little man. (He doesn't scream when we take it away but he reaches for it and asks with his eyes and vocalizations, then he places it in his mouth with much care and smiles--once or twice he's even popped it out and offered to share with Daddy or I)

Ruth and I are dog and guinea-sitting for our dear friend, Brynn.  The dogs are sweet and gentle, and are a breeze to take care of.  But the wildlife around this area is...abundant...and some of it terrifying.

We went this morning to walk the two dogs before heading to San Marcos.  Brynn lives in a condo in a place called Neely's Canyon, which is built on the side of an actual canyon.  So, lots of up and down, and mankind is brushing up against nature.  The usual consequence is lots of deer sightings.  This morning, however, we were reminded that not all nature's animals are so cute....

We had the dogs on a path that cut behind an apartment complex--the walk that Brynn had demonstrated for us.  Brynn warned us about the deer.  She didn't say a word about the snakes. So, while letting the two dogs sniff around, Ruth felt something slide over her foot.  She looks down and sees a snake gliding over her almost-bare toes.  As it continues on its way, she calls me over to look at its distinct coloring....  Do you all know the rhyme "Red touch yellow, kill a fellow.  Red touch black, friend to Jack"?  The snake was indeed a coral--the most poisonous snake in North America.  Crawling on my wife's foot.  With Liam strapped to her in the Bjorn carrier... 

Fortunately, corals are not aggressive.  They are pretty small--this one was probably about a foot and a half long and maybe 1/2 an inch thick.  It went on its way, we went on ours...but that was good for some chills.

What got me...other than the near-miss...was that the dogs never noticed the snake.  Now, in my experience, dogs usually get fired up...snarling, snapping, and often attacking.  No response from these two.  Some guard dogs, huh?  I had a strong urge to go back after the snake and kill it.  Not that it had done anything wrong...just that it could have been a threat to my family.  (and me, I guess.  I was wearing sandals...) 

Our boy has just gotten so...big...and capable...and cute...and exciting...

We took Liam down to San Marcos today, and he was utterly delightful.  I walked him up the hill to a new kolache shop that opened about a month ago.  He had his first bite (and second and third...) of the bread.  No filling for him, yet.  Wow...he got upset at the small pieces I was feeding him, and crammed a fistful into his mouth.  (they were good, too...best I've had outside of West...and maybe as good as them).  A proud moment connecting with his Czech heritage. <G>

 

After taking the kolache to Ruth for a between-class break, Liam and I went to the coffee shop where they took his picture last week, and was greeted with a "where have you been?"  I guess he is a regular, now.  We then went to the park, where he made friends with Alex--another 5 month old (who was born the week before Liam...but was also almost 2 months premature, so smaller).  Alex's mom and I had a great time chatting, and Liam was crazy happy to reach out and play with Alex' toes and fingers.

 

Ruth and I took him to the playground behind our house when we got home...and he went down the slide perfectly.  Sitting big and tall, smiling...of course, he also decided to hold on to the side a couple of times and go wonky...but, it is all part of figuring out how the world works.  He also laughed up a storm when he was swinging.

 

And we've started toilet training, as Ruth mentioned...  Good day.

We started putting Liam on the potty on a lark--he seemed to want to do it and we saw no harm so we let him sit there and act all big and proud and adorable--but we never actually expected much from the adventure. That said I have to say that 7 of the last 8 times I've put my darling boy on the potty he has gone (and 4 or five of those were poops!) How thoroughly bizarre is that? (And no we aren't expecting this to last).

Boy...I've found the greatest tool in the world for meeting women...a boy...<G>

 

Ruth's graduate coursework (M.A. in Special Education) started this week, and Liam and I have been making the jaunt down to San Marcos with her.  While she is in class, we've been hanging out, wandering around campus, going to the park, getting textbooks, etc.

 

And he is a hit!  When I was a student there, I never noticed the complete absence of babies on campus.  Well, now we get stopped every 10 feet or so by someone wanting to meet "the cutest baby ever!" (actual quote from today).  And he loves the attention!

 

On Monday, we hung out at a coffee shop after getting Ruth's books.  One of the managers took his photo to display on the wall of the shop!  (Liam was being his delightful, charming self as he tried to feed himself his rice cereal)  He also got to meet one of the university's vice-presidents, who was quite taken with our little guy.

 

Yesterday, we went to Sewell Park and he wanted to watch the preservation efforts happening in the river.  (clean-up to improve the habitat of the endangered Texas wild rice--only found in the San Marcos River).  The volunteers were flinging out handfuls of weeds, and Liam took great delight in watching the clumps of green. (And the manager who took his picture at the coffeeshop the day before recognized us and came over to say hi to Liam by name!)

 

Today, he started saying 'hi' to almost everybody who walked past us.  We visited Alkek Library and was appropriately quiet.  We went to the student lounge and hung out there until Ruth's class was finished.  He fell asleep while we looked through some artifacts from the set of "Lonesome Dove", and then woke to play quite happily until lunchtime.  We went to the park again, and he enjoyed the people there for a second day.

 

Liam is being a great campus baby.  It's interesting seeing how much joy he brings to the people on campus.  Almost everyone who sees him starts smiling...a few people ignore him, but no one ever frowns.  And Liam is a natural flirt--he loves smiling at them.  He even gave a 'high-five' to a guy at the bookstore who was talking to him.  Pretty amazing little guy. 

Today is the 11th so we are officially changing Liam's age from "20 weeks" (which is 5 lunar months) to "5 months" (because we think most people start keeping count by calendar months somewhere around this time and it's getting harder to remember the weeks).

It's funny because today Liam is 150 days old which is the same as 21.4  seven-day weeks (so we could consider him MORE than 5 months old). But it's ALSO equivalent to 4.9 mathematical months (30.5 days) so we could consider him LESS than 5 months old. Have I mentioned that the ambiguity of language and the specificity of math are NOT a good combination (especially when paired with the bizarre obsessive-ness of my mind)? 

We've always been quick to hand our baby around--we wanted Liam exposed to germs and people and novelty from the start. We wanted him to get used to new people and new things and be as comfortable as possible out of our arms... and until last week it seemed to be working.

Until this last week I'd seen him express preferences for people he knows well but I'd never seen him cry about being in the arms of a "stranger". Now I have (poor Auntie Jean who had born the brunt of his "I want Mommy" crying!) I know separation anxiety is supposed to set in around 6 months but I'm beginning to wonder if Liam is a bit ahead of that curve.

I realized a few days ago that I can change a cloth diaper in the dark (the one thing I'd been worried about when we decided to go with cloth). Cloth is a little harder in the begining but we've both really gotten it down now and I was happy to realize that I can do it on autopilot without ever actually seeing what I'm doing (I remember many years ago the same discovery about disposables making me feel like I was no longer a newbie care-giver. This realization has had a similar effect). I can't tell you how blessed I feel for the oppertunity to have routine care become routine!

Today is KK's 13th birthday... we took her out for "Moo Fairy" (midnight ice-cream) last night, she and I went to the gym this morning, and there'll be a party at my parent's this evening. I can't believe it's been that long since I first became an Auntie! How lucky I am in my first niece.

 

To make the day even more special I just got an e-mail from my sweet cousin Mary announcing the arrival of her first niece, Cristina Juniper Hurtado Hendricks. I'm eager for pictures! (Congratulations Sarah and Peter!) (and okay I guess Mary has nieces through marriage (I think) but this is the first time one of her sisters has had a baby)

I didn't know how to write this...still don't, but here goes...

This 4th of July was Liam's first Big Event holiday...We took him to the Round Rock fireworks at Old Settler's Park, and wow...

 

He was amazing.  It was amazing.

 

I didn't know how strongly I would react to the experience.  He was delightful all day, and the only sour note came when I wasn't paying attention and let him do a face plant into the grass (and a big piece got stuck in his eye and didn't come out until the next morning). I was so afraid I had messed it up for him! 

 

Because of the grass in his eye, he missed the skydivers who opened the event.  He did calm down and get happy again, thanks to his mother's ministrations.  I went to get some water, and got him his first trinket--glow-in-the-dark necklaces.  Which he wore and adored. <G>

Ruth and I weren't sure how he would react to the explosions.  We knew he didn't mind thunder, and had cried to go outside during one of our recent storms.  But we had nothing to worry about--he loved it!  We were treated to two different displays going on at the same time, and he squealed with delight.  He actually oohed and ahhed!  In fact, he was disappointed when the show ended.

 

The feeling of being with my son...holding him, hearing the excitement and fascination in his voice...I was emotionally affected, tears of joy...made it hard to see for a little while.  I can't believe how lucky I am.  That moment was perfection, and I didn't know how much that taking him meant to me before I was there.

Liam's second tooth emerged sometime yesterday or the day before--I never had ANY idea how sharp little tiny baby teeth are (I seriously don't remember KK's being like that at all! But maybe that's just because she didn't have any of my sensitive anatomy in her deceptively cute little maw!)

 

All I can say is it's a good thing I adore my son (who has, by the way, somehow decided it is appropriate to clamp down while nursing and then DRAG his mouth off leaving little red scratches as he goes! He means no harm and seems truly distressed when I whimper but he doesn't seem to understand how to nurse without causing pain just yet. Yikes!)

Liam mastered the "raspberry" on Thursday and spent most of Friday night delightedly blowing them in synagoge... it was hillarious to watch the congregation try to stay serious with our little bundle of sunshine babbling and blowing raspberry responses (actually we mostly took him out but he did spend enough time in service that quite a few people came up to us during Oneg to congragulate him on his new skill). Liam is much loved in this small informal congregation so it's not a real problem but I think it is officially time for us to start attending "Tot Shabbat" (instead? in addition?) and Rabbi Monte told us he looks forward to our presense at his favorite of the services (in which the attendants all call him "rabbi Monkey")

 

Additionall Liam's first tooth officially emerged sometime Wednesday night or Thursday morning--MAN that sucker is sharp!

Today Liam is officially 140 days old (and as Chris pointed out to me this afternoon it is also the first anniversary of his first ultrasound!).

 

So, my darling boy, a summary of you at 20 weeks:

·    sitting unsupported indefinitely --check

·    rolling front to back --check

·    rolling back to front -- once or twice

·    finally tall enough for your feet to touch the ground when in your jumper (when we first got it we had to stack a platform of textbooks three high for you!) --check

·    smiling --always (except when teething!)

·    laughing --yes (You aren't the easiest boy to make laugh but you LOVE peek-a-boo)

·    passing objects from hand to hand --check

·    mouthing objects --check

·    teething --check (I'm SORRY!)

·    crawling --not yet (though you can scoot backward!)

·    eating solids --check--check--check!!

·    talking --check (you babble new sounds every day and can even say "hi" appropriately)

·    nursing --check (but for the last 3 days only while standing!)

·    boring -- never

·    frustrating --rarely

·    opinionated --sometimes (and with vehemence)

·    adorable --always

·    loved -- forever

 

Liam has been sleeping much of each night in his crib for the last week or so (we put him down around 8:00 and he stays there until 2:00 when he wakes for a feeding and I bring him to our bed). I could totally feed him and put him back to sleep in his crib but I miss having his warm sweetness in our bed and I just plain don't want him out of our room all night... I miss him!

I started this whole thing because I need hands in the evenings and we worry about him sleeping in the bed alone (rolling out etc) and I have to say that am enjoying being able to be somewhat more effective in the night time hours but it's also a sad thing for me: He's already so big and so grown up (he sits by himself, can find his mouth with the spoon, says hi, etc) I'm not overly eager to give up my snuggle-bug years.

Don't get me wrong I am LOVING watching the bigger Liam emerge but I do catch myself missing my baby baby already.

Liam will be 20 weeks old on Wednesay--so we could call him 5 months old then (5x7=20 right?) but Wednesday is the 1st and his birthday is the 11th... so, we could wait until the following Saturday to bump the number up. I'm really confused--in terms of answering random stranger's inquiries--I supposed to start saying 5 months next week? Or not until the 11th? It doesn't seem like it really matters that much with most people but some people are wanting a guide or a comparason to their child etc and I want to be accurate).

 

(I thought pregnancy math was weird but atleast that was standardized and I knew what I was supposed to say!)  

Liam was particularly charming and talkative this morning.  He loves hanging upside down in almost any way, shape, or form right now.  I think he may have a future as a test pilot....and at the very least, he should love roller coasters with us.  He's sleeping later into the morning, through what would have been his 8:00ish nap, and falling asleep a little before Ruth gets home.

Things have been crazy busy these last few days and I haven't had enough time to finish everything I need to do for work let alone post here... I'm so grateful Chris has been posting (how lucky are Liam and I to have him as the father in our family? He really is such a good dad!)

 

But Chris isn't the only talkative one around our house in the last week--Liam is babbling more than ever and we've decided that we have an official "first word" now...

 

He's made the sound (and even sometimes mimiked it) since he was pretty tiny--for at least a month now I'd say. But in the last week it really seems to have become a word (and a meaningful one at that). He says it in greeting people, he says it when he wants attention, and he says it when he sees a picture of himself (and again for each new picture you show him but only once per picture). We know it's early but it really does seem to be a real word! (At Target a few days ago we had gotten seperated from Daddy and while we were walking around looking for him Liam kept saying it (as well as mimicking my "where"). I lost track of the number of people who stopped us to ask "is he talking?" and demand to know how old he is. I think the fact that strangers recognized it as real was the deciding factor for me. (I'd heard it for a while but thought I was just being a doting mommy).

 

It's official then, Liam's first word is "hi".

And it was delightful!  Ruth made a 'brag book' for me, so I can take photos of Liam with me even when we're away from the computer...made me weepy.  I think all the photos are on this site, so those of you following know what I'm talking about.

 

I tried calling my father, but didn't get a hold of him.  That was a little strange...but, anyhow, Ruth, Liam and I went to one of my old favorite restaurants--Kerbey Lane.  He did fantastic during the wait.  It was a lot of fun to see so many families out with their kids and know that I'm one of them now.  Liam seemed to enjoy his high chair--he did not seem to need the support we kept offering.  And he is a huge fan of gingerbread pancakes!  (got a couple of nibbles).

 

We also went to see Grandpa Bob--with balloons in tow.  Liam got to pick out which one Bob got, and he chose an entire balloon bouquet, complete with a gigantic smiley face that is bigger than Liam.  It says "Happy Birthday" on the smaller ones, but we figure he was just being preemptive.

 

We then went for a photo shoot at Ruth's old elementary school.  Liam was at the top of his game in cuteness, and the grounds of Gullet Elementary are all nicely gardened and landscaped, so those photos need to get posted soon.  I really wanted to have a record of the day.  After the mosquitoes drove us off, we went to Phil's/Amy's for some of the best fries and ice cream in town.  Liam was rapt--he knows there is something tasty in the soft drink cup, and he tries very hard to get it.  He's also figured out that the stuff in the paper cups must be pretty awesome.  He tried to wrestle Ruth's cinnamon ice cream with Reese's away from her!

 

Oh, and day after update...he rolled himself smoothly from back to front!  Once...then tried to inch forward.  He had his head pushed up right, but never got his legs under himself enough to crawl.  Wood floors are a little slippery, I guess.  He was pretty happy for about 5 minutes, then got upset and couldn't figure out how to flip back over.  Amazing to see. 8-)

Liam and I have had a fairly easy time of it.  Mom's only gone for a couple of hours, and he's usually delightful <G>

 

So, today I managed to disrupt our easy time by tripping with him in arms.  I took him out to water our new plants and caught my foot....I went down, and the first thing I thought was "I just killed him!"  (of course, he was screaming...but my rationality went out the window)...I managed to cradle him...but wow...scary...

I got him inside, checked him out--nothing broken, but I was so upset, I wasn't too capable of calming him down.  I called Ruth on her cell, thinking the voice mail would calm him down.  She answered, and he calmed down instantly with the sound of her voice.

 

When Ruth got in the door a couple minutes later, all I could do was hand him off and cry for a while.  I've not been that scared in a long time.  I know it is something that happens to all parents...and that Liam is okay...and that he won't remember it in a year....but...wow...overwhelming....

 

Oh, and the tragic irony...like I said, I'd taken him out to water our new plants.  Well, 5 or so minutes ago, it rained here.  No need to have watered.

Still, an amazing feat!

Since Ruth is teaching this summer, I've been getting some great Daddy/Liam time these last couple of weeks.  I love our mornings...he usually wakes up much happier than his dad, though one look at his slow, bright smile is better than a cup of coffee for me.

 

We play, sing, tickle, bounce, nap, read, eat, nap...<G>  He wakes up somewhere between 8 and 8:30, hungry.  Then we will play/interact for about an hour before he wants his midmorning nap.  His shots on Monday had him out of sorts, but today he is bright, happy, alert, and communicative!  Lots of talking/babbling/cooing all the time.  He's started to try and find his balance when he stands--cute windmillng arms as he attempts to remain upright without help.

 

Today, he talked to Mom on the phone.  She called before going in to class, and he lit up like a Christmas tree, constantly turning to face the phone.  He grabbed it out of my hand to hold on to it. (and eat it...oh, well), and would flap his arms and legs like a chicken due to his excitement.

Liam is down for his nap IN HIS CRIB!! This is an absolute first for us (the first real attempt as the child has always HATED being put down in the past). It was a remarkably easy and enjoyable experience getting him down (and yes I know I've officially jinxed myself). I crawled in his crib with him and just lay near him while we played a new cd of Jewel lullabies. He drifted off about the 4th song and I crawled out. So sweet--the summer afternoon laziness and the weight of his relaxed body unfurlled next to me. I'm loving burying my nose in his ever-increasing tuft of hair and breathing in his sleepiness.

Liam is just over 15 pounds and 2 feet--between the 50th and 75th percentiles (up from under 5% when he was born) Dr. Baby is pleased with his growth and his development. All is well in the medical world of Liam. (We are also officially cleared to keep increasing his solid foods!)

I think Liam is a lefty (or at least seems to prefer his left hand at the moment). When he plays (especially fine motor--though less so with gross motor skills) he definately favors his left. And I noticed, in his last few typing skills that he almost exclusively types as a south paw.

 

Who knows, but I do think it would be neat to have another little lefty.

Liam has become quite the little hip-child and we are all enjoying our forays into the wider world. He's so interested in everything and such an adorable little adventurer it's hard to get enough of him in this stage.

In the last few weeks he's finally started to enjoy time in his stroller (YAY!) and we've been loving walking him around the neighborhood (we have some AMAZING trails out here) Partly for fun, partly for Liam, and partly as rehab for Daddy's leg injury we've been making a point of walking places we would often drive (a 6 mile walk around the local trail system, a walk to dinner, walking to the grocery store, walking to visit cousins, moonlight walks with grandma and grandpa, etc). And our boy has attended his fair share of street festivals, farmer's market's etc. (We took him to two different farmer's markets yesterday where he elicited much adoration, and helped us pick our new Basil and Orange Jubilee plants).

He's been to playgrounds galore in at least three cities (he even did the zip-line safely in the Moby on Daddy), attended a graduation, a wedding, lots of religious services, a movie, a dance performance, several restaurants, and too many stores. He's a wonderful little travel-mate.

 This week we had a big travel-related change. Liam has outgrown his car-seat! We'll actually Liam's GINORMOUS cloth diapers have outgrown the car-seat but it's the same end effect--we can't strap him in anymore (at least not with his pants on) so it had to go! We changed out the old for his new much more plush and impressive car-seat (generously bought for us before his birth by Grammy Friede but which we hadn't used previously because it is just too big to be used behind the driver's seat with our long legs.)  Installing this Rolls-Royce of vehicular restraints required removing the headrest from the front passenger seat and saying good-bye to the toy bar and sunshade so convenient on the other model. But it makes for a safer less squashed (and happier) baby so it's all worth it (and on the plus side this one is supposed to last until he's ready for a booster seat!).

 It's crazy how fast he's growing (the day we put him in the new car-seat he was wearing an 18 month shirt and 6-12 month pants. Yes the shirt was big on him but not that much!) We read in one of our books that every time you make a baby smile their brains are flooded with growth hormone and we are going with that theory--ours is not an exceptionally large child--he's just exceptionally happy!  

When I posted before that he was 4 months I was counting weeks (4 weeks = a month right?) But we've decided that is too confusing and we will now refer to him in months with each new month begining on the 11th of that calendar month--SO much easier!

 

So now our little guy is 4 months old in earnest (and currently coughing for my attention so I'll leave it at that for now)

Well, for him, at least...<G>

 

Liam is a happy, smiley baby....but he doesn't laugh or giggle much.  Today, though....

First, we took his cousins down with us to their grandparents' house for a late birthday celebration for Zachary.  Zach and Danny were clowning in the back seat, and Liam loved it!  He burst out in laughter on the way down!  We're going to have to kidnap the two of them next time we go on a long car trip.

 

The other big laughing event was when Mom played peek-a-book with Liam, hiding herself under a towel for the big reveal...a new favorite game!

 

I'm loving this...still rare enough to be utterly precious, but common enough that we know how happy he is.  He's growing so fast...wow...

It took Liam two months to gain his first two pounds but I think he gained his last two in the last week!

 

He's huge and solid and strong and oh so adorable in his new big-baby phase. His most recent loves include rice crackers, letting go when being thrown so he flies HIGH, and playing row-row-row-your-boat with Grandma. Wednesday began his fifth month on the planet and I'm deliriously happy that both Chris and I will be home the majority of the next three. Yay us!

Wow...I met a coworker's baby yesterday--Dax.  He was born on Feb. 3, so only 9 days older than Liam.

 

He is BIG....very BIG.  For all we talk about how large Liam is now...I joked about how Liam can wear some 6 month clothes....Dax is in 9 month-size.  And his head still had that baby proportion--too large compared to the rest of him.  Very cute, but also very doll-like.

 

And the animation wasn't there...I don't know if it is because Dax was contentedly eating, or sleeping, or what....but his face was a little slack.  Not much definition to his features.  For instance, even though he had huge cheeks, there were no dimples when he smiled.  And no interest in solid food yet. (I asked)

I know that every baby is different and develops at his or her own rate.  But it is so natural to compare and see how they do in relation to each other.  And Liam keeps turning up a winner.. <G>

 

But other than just Daddy bragging...he really does have such a strong personality.  A happy one, to be sure.  But there is just so much presence behind those eyes...(I'm a happy father, too!)

I can't believe he's almost four months old now! He's really starting to seem more like a little boy and less like a baby baby--he's grabbing my food and fighting to get it to his mouth, sitting unassisted for long enough to get a picture, playing with toys, begining a very few signs, and HUGE! I'm excited about getting to be home after next week (I'll teach at ACC over the summer but it's only a few hours several days a week and Chris will be with him for that time). We are already planning summer trips in our head--it's fun to daydream about his first day at the beach, his first afternoon at the big zoo in San Antonio, or his first trip to the beautiful Aquarium in Corpus. Our lives are so golden.

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I (Dad) was holding him in the office while Ruth is working on her application for the SpEd program she wants.  Liam really, really wanted the keyboard....and above is what he wrote.

 

He also managed to minimize the screen, open the 'File' menu bar, select and delete text....not bad for just shy of 4 months...<G>

It's funny, but I realized yesterday that I've not had Liam to myself for more than an hour or so.  Ruth, or Victoria, or Brynn has always been there pretty close by because of our schedules with work, etc.

 

So, for our first 'daddy and me' day...we went to get the oil changed on our car!  Yippie!

 

He did great, actually.  Didn't like going there--still not a big fan of the car seat.  But at the service center, he had a good time.  He made friends with a young boy (4 yr old) who had a younger brother at home.  The two of them played peek-a-boo for smiles.  Liam also zoned out in front of the aquarium for a while.  Utterly delightful!  And he fell asleep in the car seat when we left, so that was a nice improvement.

 

Our society is a little sad, I think.  When Mom has the kid out, no big deal.  When Dad has the kid at, all sorts of props for being awesome and involved.  Either that or 'Oh.  Dad is baby-sitting.'  I didn't get a lot of that yesterday, which I'm grateful for.  But I do think that people were a little solicitious of me where they wouldn't have been if I were Mom. 

Liam was 100 days old yesterday and I totally didn't notice until today! (Not that there is any real signifigance to that number--it's just that I normally would have noticed). I'm excited about Chris's and my decision to have me stay home and pursue a second masters next year--how great to get to do my two favorite things (school and Liam) for a whole year! But I also find myself wondering what else I'll be too preoccupied to notice (and I know this will only get worse as the years go by but still...)

Being back at work has actually been really fun and, thanks to the fabulous care my mom and Brynn have given Liam, I haven't worried much about Liam while I'm away. The major drawback has just been that I have had ZERO time to update here (or clean my house). I got a little cold when I went back to work (no surprise there) and I passed it on to Liam and, now, Chris. I've been coming home evenings and crashing before I have any time at all to write or upload photos or anything (I have managed to get a little work done for Josh and Joy's wedding on Monday). I'm looking forward to the weekend to catch up (though it's a pretty packed weekend so it may not happen).

 

PS we had our first relatively sleepless night this week---how lucky are we that he's 3.5 months old and this was the first one!??!?!

Wow...we know that Liam has gotten bigger, but it really hit home yesterday when we watched his cousin for a while.

 

Now, Andrea is absolutely adorable...very cuddly and somewhat flopsy compared to Liam.  She seemed so little--started off larger than our little guy, but now he's caught up and then some.  He's more solid now.  It's amazing--when you see someone every single day, you don't necessarily see all the changes.  But side-by-side....wow.

 

We have some great video of the two of them together--Drea lying in the Boppy seat, while Liam is standing, holding on to the edge of the seat.  They even strike up a little conversation and hold hands (while she gets drooled on.)  I'm sure Ruth will post that later. <G>

 

My little guy is growing up so fast!

I head my darling boy's first real laugh yesterday while we sang Itsy Bitsy Spider and Daddy cooked dinner... YAY Liam!

 

(I'd been worried, sillily, that he'd have his first laugh with my mom or Brynn while I was back at work--I'm happy they will probably get laughs these next few weeks but I'm also, selfishly, OVERJOYED that I got the first one!)

This week...wow...Liam found his hands, and his toys...what a treat!  He actually picked out his first toy at Target--a ball of sorts.  And just in time--Ruth started back at work (which I know she is writing about right now).

 

What this meant for me is--I get just Liam and Me time in the mornings!  And it feels great....I really haven't been alone with him since he was born.  That first day, the nurse took him back to the hospital room for assessment, bundled him up, and put him in my arms.  It felt like 30 minutes or so...no real clue, but just Liam and me, staring at each other.  I treasure that time.

 

And now I get some more!  I'm sorry that Ruth has to go back, but I am loving our mornings.  He'll wake up, and we cuddle or play or read-just the two of us.  It is magic, knowing that he is depending on me, and I can meet those needs.  It had been hard these last couple of weeks, because I hurt my leg and had a lot of trouble getting up and walking around.  I've been on crutches, and didn't want to risk dropping him.

 

But he and I are great together--though probably not as fast on the food as he would ideally like <G>

One down two and a half more to go! Going back to work was actually fun--I really missed my kids and leaving Liam here with my mom just wasn't that hard. I trust my mom completely and I felt like it was good for Liam for him to have some time with someone else. Of course I missed him and his smile and his weight and his smell and the heat of him on my chest.... but I didn't WORRY about him or feel like crying the way so many new moms describe. This was an extrodinarily easy first week back though (a four day week, two early release days, and a field trip). I think the next week will be harder and I think if I didn't know that all told I'll be away from him for 17 days (only 13 to go) it would be much more of an issue.

 

I did experience my first missed first though--and that was a little sad (not so much for the first I missed but for the knowledge that I might miss so many more!) Liam can now roll from his back to his tummy in addition to from his tummy to back (though he was, apparantly, VERY displeased with the result of said roll---poor kid HATES tummy time!)

 

Had I needed to go back to work earlier I would have struggled more but as it is he's chubbed up so much recently and seems generally so much more like a little BOY and less like a baby--it wasn't the same as leaving my newborn at home would have been. I really felt like as long as they had enough milk both mom and Liam would be very happy together (and I couldn't be more grateful to my work-mates for their tollerance of my frequent breaks to pump!)

 

All in all I'd say it was a smashing sucess. Having mom in our house for a week was a treat, and even if leaving him isn't exactly my first choice it is the begining of the next chapter of our lives and there is sweetness in that.

Liam is three months now and he's supposed to have been batting at toys and investigating his hands for some time now but he hasn't been (which hasn't stopped him from sucking on his hands no end and using them to maneuver my breast so he can nurse better--or even putting his pacifier back in his mouth in the first few weeks). I've actually been a touch worried about our little guy--all the games and toys and activities for this age involve his using his hands and he just HASN'T been doing it. The iconic image of a three month old is staring at their hands in fascination--and he never did.

But today is a whole new chapter (a dangerous one I know) because our boy has learned to reach for, grab, and manipulate his toys! It's bizarre how binary it was--he wasn't even reaching in the direction of his toys--there was no wild arm flailing or anything. And then today he can reach out and grab a toy, pull it to his chest, and even turn it to get new parts of it in his mouth. It's like magic!

 

Poor Liam--he got his first real owwie today while we were cleaning the pool (he in the Moby and me on my feet). While I was cleaning a neighborhood cat jumped out of the bushes to attack my feet and I lost my balance: faced with the choices of 1) falling into the pool with the baby 2) lurching forward and smashing the baby's head into the limestone wall, or 3) trying to stop my fall with my hand on said limestone (knowing full well the baby's head would probably hit my hand but at least be cushioned) I chose the third option and Liam's poor face now bears the markings of my engagement ring on his face--two tiny little patches of blood on the bridge of his nose and under his right eye. He didn't hit very hard and the actual wounds are very small. None-the-less I was scared--it could have been SO much worse! And I called daddy immediately to ask him to stop feeding the cat and encouraging it's presence--it's amazing how ferocious I get when I feel Liam is threatened.

According to the books Liam won't have seperation anxiety for a while yet (though he has been crying for me instead of his daddy lately and calming when he sees me when a stranger has him). But MOMMY has seperation anxiety galore.

 

This week I'm really working on preparing Liam (and myself) for when I go back to work next week (and Sue, in answer to your question, Grandma and Auntie Brynn will be keeping him while I'm at work)--I'm putting him down when I can, encouraging him to eat from a bottle with different people, and even left him with his dad while I ran to the grocery store for a whole 10-15 minutes (during which my heart raced the entire time!) It's crazy how primal the desire to be with my child is. As I type this he is asleep upstairs (has been for over two hours!) and I'm down here on the computer--I'm trying to will my body to relax but I can't help jumping a mile high every time the baby monitor crackles, and even when it doesn't. It's HARD not being with him! We really have been in near-constant physical contact since he was born (three months ago tomorrow!) and, with very few exceptions we've always been at least within sight of each other. It's am amazing thing how vicerally WRONG it feels to be away from him (and yet I know it's good for both of us).

Wow..I got to give Liam his first full bottle of milk today.  One of the hardest things I've had to get used to is that I was so useless at feedings...and Liam is hungry a lot.  I've given him bottles of water to tide him over, but never had a full meal with him....magic...he got all sleepy and napped in my arms--something that he hasn't really done in a long time...

 

Just looking down at my little guy, as he stared right back at me...everything was right in the world.  For that moment, my whole world was wrapped up with just him again in a way that I hadn't experienced since I had to go back to work.  I can't wait for summer and more of just him and me time...

In bullet form ('cause that seems to be all I have time for these days)

 

* Liam FINALLY reached for a toy yesterday (his rattle attached to his gym)

* He seems to have (thankfully) inherited my attention span--we played with his dragonfly rattle yesterday for over 45 minutes straight (and MY oh MY is that boy strong--he'll do a mini sit-up to get a peek at it if I put the toy down by his toes and he can't see it!) He also consistently hugged the toy to him when I put it on his chest and said "you take it" and has started bringing things (other than my boob) to his mouth with his hands.

* Liam got his first bug bite (mosquito) today--he was NOT impressed!

*We've been swinging together on the big kid swing for weeks now but he rode in the baby swing all by himself for the first time today--he seemed to like it at first but when I tried to take pictures/video he had a pretty blank expression (eventually I had to take him out of the swing 'cause he kept wanting to eat it!)

* He ADORES the baby in the mirror (smiles and talks to him often and sings and dances with him to "The Monster in the Mirror" almost every morning). He also seems to finally see his cousin Andrea (but was NOT pleased when she borrowed one of his bottles and drank in front of him!)

* He's going longer (and less fragile) between feedings and naps now--at long last we have finally arrived in a world where it is possible to have more than 15 minutes of awake-off-the-breast-happy child at a stretch!

* He's getting more sounds in his vocalization (so far we have "n", "m", "g" and all the vowel sounds in addition to a delightful assortment of gurgles, trills, etc.)

* His cry is no longer cute or newbornish and he's branching out into a myriad of heartbreaking whines and whimpers (along with the new super-sonic crying).

* He's still gorgeous and adorable and sunshiney every morning--I can't get enough of those smiles! 

Liam is asleep in the Moby so I actually have TWO hands for typing (I think this may be the first time I've had that for more than 2 minutes in weeks!)

A few things I wanted to record:

* My least favorite thing about parenting so far: TINY fingernails need cutting (seemingly every other day!) and it's SO scary!

* Liam LOVES his "Little LoveBug" balloon that Grandpa bought him for Valentines day and it is STILL flying above his changing table--he plays with it almost every change and has even managed to switch the string from hand to hand once or twice.

* Liam got his first bottle yesterday in preparation for my going back to work on May 12th (wahhhh wahhh sniffle sniffle). He seems to have taken to it very well

*Liam is finally enjoying being put down on occasion. We've started a new routine where he sits in his swing and watches Sesame Street for a few minutes in the morning while I pump or straighten up before our morning walk. (It seems to work for about 15 minutes which is HUGE compared to the .5 minutes he used to allow us to put him down before screaming!)

*Speaking of Sesame Street--he watched TV for the first time this week. So far he seems to prefer Sesame Street to Barney (what can I say he has good taste!) We have a few other shows we'll explore too but I'm still hesitant to put him in front of too much TV.

* He FINALLY seems not to hate having his diaper changed. He used to SCREAM BLOODY MURDER every time. Now he only screams for maybe one change a day and legitimately seems to enjoy several of the changes.

* He doesn't laugh yet (and his cousin does) but he smiles freely and adorably during play with Chris and me. It's amazing how his smile lights up a room.

* He is still not very interested in toys (as in he doesn't bat at them and seems to prefer to look at almost anything else) but he has started reaching towards his books and outfits occasionally in the mornings when I ask him to make a choice.  

* The magic of the mudcloth seems to have finally warn off (sorry Aly!)

* He LOVES to talk on the phone and will reach for it and press it to his ear when others talk--he even talks back about 40% of the time. He especially loves to talk to Daddy on the phone and will respond when he's alert and fall asleep when Daddy can't be home for a bedtime story.

* Liam is FINALLY outgrowing his newborn size clothes (but only the small ones--he still fits in the larger ones). And can wear his 3 month outfits without looking totally ridiculous.

*He's working on standing up (has loved to be held in the standing position for over a month now--before that he wanted to be held in the sitting position even when newborn) He can easily stand with two fingers and on occasion stands with just one finger in one hand. (Yesterday he even stood for about 5 seconds all by himself with his hands on a bouncy ball for support!)

* People in public STILL stare accusingly at me and comment on my TINY baby. (Or tell me not to worry 'cause they know better than to come near my preemie. I want to yell that he was full term and he's almost three months old for crying out loud!)

* He still wants to be in arms (and on the breast) almost constantly

* He's still sleeping great and a total joy

* We are still over the moon

*

Chris and I took Liam on his first kiddo-type outing yesterday--we went to the Austin Zoo with Auntie Brynn and her brother Wyatt. Not surprisingly Liam, true to two month old form, slept through most of it (I was sad he slept through the train ride) but he did enjoy checking out the animals in the petting zoo and reptile house. He also liked the Tortoise shelter (but we think he found the heat lamps infinitely more interesting than the giant tortoises themselves. 

After the zoo we all had lunch at The Salt Lick (an Austin BBQ legend at which Chris and I very nearly had our wedding). The setting is classically country with rock walls and big oaks so we took some time to take pictures of our smiling guy after the meal.  

On our way home we also took advantage of a residual patch of Bluebonnets to try to get Liam's first baby-in-blue-bonnet pictures (also a tradition). I'd been worried we missed them (and the bluebonnets do seem to be increasingly sparse in the past few years--I remember them being EVERYWHERE when I was a kid). We're hoping to plant a field near our house so we can enjoy them (and use them for photos) next year. I don't think we got the world's best pictures but we had fun trying.

 

 

Sometime in the last week my little skinny newborn has disapeared and been replaced with a solid (and verging on chubby) little baby boy! It's amazing how quickly he's growing up!

It's been a rough few days for our darling boy--he's had a fever and felt lousy for the past several days. He's responding to Tylenol and still plenty hydrated so I decided I'd wait until Monday to call the pediatrician (amazingly I've been really calm about this decision and have only called my mother a few times to make sure that I'm not being overly blasé).

I think the hardest part for Liam has been nights--he's tired, REALLY tired but he has been having some trouble going to sleep since his night time ritual has been changed due to Daddy working 13+ hour days three days in a row. He's used to having his Dad read him to sleep (and often has trouble on Tuesday nights while Daddy is gaming and mom has to read instead) and he's been fighting sleep when I try to put him down (Last night I got smart and called Chris on the cell phone so he could talk Liam down. It was AMAZING how the little guy's body just melted when he heard his Daddy's voice! If only it hadn't been 10:30 before Chris was available to talk!)

Today is looking like it might be better. Liam had a rough night but slept through to 11:00with only a few interruptions (once I finally got him down for the night at 3:00am!) Chris is still working the NFL debate tournament so we probably won't see him until late again but Liam does feel cooler to the touch and seems more himself.

 When I offered Liam a choice of books this morning he smiled and reached for his "That's Not My Dinosaur" book--and then continued to present his littler finger for each "squashy/slippery/bumpy/rough/etc (this from a child who does not reach for anything but me!). I think we are both feeling a bit cooped up after our three day fever marathon and yesterday's rainy weather so I'm planning a trip to the bookstore to pick up a few more touchy-feely books provided he still seems to be feeling better after lunch.

It’ll be nice to have Chris home tomorrow at last (and I’m looking forward to the Zoo trip we have planned for Monday). Keep your fingers crossed that Liam is well enough to enjoy the next few days.

 

 

'nough said (check out the week 10 pics if you want more)

Today was Liam's 2-month well visit: vaccine day (OUch! Though he did really like the oral vaccine--I'm telling you this kid LOVES to eat!)

He continues to grow well--8lbs 8 oz and 21.5 inches as of today. (So he's gained just over two incehs and two pounds since birth). It was an uneventful appointment (as uneventful as giving a two month old baby shots can be at any rate). He did well and has slept most of the day in a tylenol induced stupor while Chris and I prepare for our delayed Seder. It's exciting to think that Liam's first seder will start in only a few hours!

When the sun rises Liam will be two months old and we'll be at Zilker participating in a Birkat HaHammah ceremony--I like that my son the blessing will start his second month by blessing the sun (the first one in 28 years--the last one was right around my birthday!)

As I type this Liam is in my bed sleeping soundly while I putter on the computer downstairs--a truly bizarre sensation indeed (he's basically been in my arms non-stop for the last 8 weeks--only in the last two nights have I gotten out of bed after putting him down!) It's a little discomfiting being so separate from him (not only is he not in my arms but we aren't even in the same room!) I'm proud of him for being able to sleep on his own but I'm also aware that in many ways this is the beginning of a long bitter sweet journey to his independence. (I want him to grow up and thrive as an individual... really I do---but can't I hold on to the milky soft armful-ness of this time forever?!)

I'm amazed by how quickly Liam is growing and changing and how much delight he has introduced into our lives. He's smiling more socially now--anticipating games and smiling when he sees us (I even got some smiling pictures today YAY!) And I continue to revel in the sound of his little voice as he experiments with vocalizations. (I think the high point of my day may well be our lunch time "conversation"--ours is a rather talkative little guy and I never get tired of hearing what he has to say!)

He's learned to pull from lying down to standing up while holding onto our fingers and he LOVES to stand, sit, and otherwise act older than he is (he even likes talking on the phone). It's adorable to see our tiny little Bean playing "big boy". And yet, (are you sensing a theme yet?) I nearly cried this morning when I boxed up the "coming home" outfit he's finally outgrown.

All and all I'd have to say the first two months couldn't have been better and I'm excited to see what month three brings!

 

Yesterday was another great day. Liam is SUCH a sweet little guy and it was great to have a simple day at home with him, then get to show him off at dinner to his Uncle Matt, Aunt Kelly, pseudo Grandma Caroline and Great-Grandma Mo (He even smiled for Matt!)

 

And the night went better too--back to our old normal which I'm very happy with. (We don't need him out of our bed --we just need him in bed and happy (instead of crying and needing attention) which he was last night).

 

Today is looking to be good as well--I LOVE our morning routine and I can tell the Bean is starting to look forward to it as well. (Now I just need to get some more of the Usborne touchy-feely books!)

I want these entries to be honest so I have to start out by saying that so far I'm not a huge fan of 6/7 week old-dom. This is the first time Liam has been even a tiny challenge and I find myself a little frustrated (not with him but with myself).

 

He's getting bigger and more sentient and he's starting to get bored--he wants to DO stuff (well more accurately he wants to SEE stuff--he's not a big PLAYer yet) but he's also in the middle of a growth spurt so he's needing to eat all the time. So right now he spends a lot of time on the breast but thrashing and trying to see around me and make me go new places so he can see new things all from the comfort of the breast. He's also waking earlier in the morning (we've gone from 10:30 to 8:30 to, now, 4:30am as his preferred wake-up time).

 

But it's not the endless baby-dancing or even the upset baby I mind... it's not knowing if I'm doing the right thing in response or not. (And actually I'm less worried about "right" than I am not wrong).

 

The primary dilemma this week has been sleep-schedules. There's a HUGE controversy between attachment parenting proponents and those who believe in a cry-it-out (CIO) methodology to teach your child independence and the ability to sleep on their own... Chris and I decided well before Liam was born that we wanted to practice attachment parenting so I'm not sure exactly why I'm struggling with this issue at all.... but the truth is I AM struggling with my night-time waker. I haven't been at ALL bothered by Liam’s night feeding needs regardless of how many he's needed. I actually enjoy having him in our bed, I like the feel of his little warm body pressed against mine and the sound of his breathing. I like knowing I can feed and comfort him and I love the whole experience of falling asleep together nursing.

 

The problem is that lately Liam is wanting to be awake and entertained at night and my gut says that I shouldn’t indulge that desire--my gut says to feed and snuggle and night-time interact with him but not to make to much eye-contact or play or make it like day-time. I want him to learn the difference between night and day and I guess I thought that keeping the types of interactions more distinct would help him bridge the transition from newborn bed-sharing to bigger boy independent sleeping with less angst. So I don't mind feeding him at night but something inside me objects (and it's not a matter of feeling inconvenienced it's just that it feels wrong) to indulging his night-time whim for entertainment.

 

The problem comes when you take in to account what a stubborn and vocal baby we have (two things we fully celebrate in our house actually!) Take, for example, the other night when he wanted to go outside after his bed-time (I know that's what he wanted because he'd wanted the same thing all day but I'd had to bring him in because it got cold and late). He SCREAMED and SCREAMED at me. I felt like he was just trying to get me to give in (and not at all hurt or in any real need) but I wasn't TOTALLY sure. He wouldn't eat, didn't want to cuddle/interact/read, didn't need to burp, etc....

 

I know how to handle a temper-tantrum in an older child (in fact I think I'm abnormally good with temper-tantrums and not losing my cool and waiting out a stubbornly angry child) it's just that with him I don't really know what to do because I'm not sure this is a temper tantrum per se--I have no idea how his mind works. If it's an early power struggle then I absolutely don't want to give in... But if it’s something more primitive? I don't want him to think I'm insensitive... I want him to know I'm here and I'll comfort him when he needs it... I want him to feel taken care of and supported and loved and attached and all that (and for the first 5 weeks all that I needed to do that was play with him some, hold, feed, and love him).

 

I've found myself in his nursery at night two nights now dancing to lullaby music with a child who refuses to lie peacefully in bed flashing onto all the parenting literature I've read that warns: "comfort him with your touch and voice but DO NOT pick him up--he needs to learn how to sleep on his own" etc... thinking I WOULD comfort him without picking him up if such a thing were possible but he isn't comforted by my voice or touch--he just keeps screaming and I'm not ready to let him cry it out about this (later when he wants out of time out or what-have-you then he can scream for days and I won't give in--that drill I know). But am I really supposed to let my less than two month old scream because I SUSPECT he might be throwing a fit to get his way? 

 

I hate this not knowing thing. Am I supposed to do whatever it takes to keep him happy no matter the hour? Or am I supposed to make sure he's physically okay and let him be upset if it's about wanting something that we deem he "shouldn’t" want?? In the past I've always been able to calm him in our bed by cuddling and nursing him. Now he wants activity---do I indulge that or not? (And how do I avoid it really? Because I don't want to let him scream in our bed and keep Daddy up all night but picking him up and moving him to his room rewards the behavior (since what he wants is to be moved/held/etc))

 

A lot of people talk about the inconvenience of parenting--so far that hasn't been an issue for me but I am beginning to understand the self-doubt aspect of the problem with parenting. I really feel like I'm capable and willing in almost all circumstances of doing "what's best for my child" but how on earth am I supposed to know what that "best" is?!

 

Adding to my frustration is that Liam has chosen this week to decide that he is decidedly NOT a fan of the nipple shields the lactation consultant told me to use to fix my bloody nipple trouble and it's also the time nature has chosen for him to have a growth spurt so he's nursing more often and with increased vigor. Needless to say my breasts are not too happy and though it's a manageable pain it isn't helping me feel like any better of a mom. (I think it's also aggravating the sleep issue because he still wants the shields when he's nursing himself to sleep so he gets frustrated frequently either because of the lack or the presence of said pieces of silicon). I spend an inordinate amount of time at night switching between shielded and unshielded nursing which wakes us both up (and doubles the number of times he needs to latch which worsens the pain--it's a vicious cycle).

 

ON THE OTHER HAND

 

He's also getting more and more of a social smile and more and more of a personality. just when I really started feeling like he didn't like me (‘cause despite the books saying that his mom will be his favorite thing to look at he’s been more interested in virtually EVERYTHING else and unwilling to play with me most of the time for days) yesterday he opened his eyes in the morning to see me and smiled, BEAMED even. That'll melt your heart every time. Then we spent the day out (because he really seems BORED at home) and he was an absolute delight (didn't cry in the car seat, loved looking at all the toys and meeting other babies at BabiesRUs and had fun surprising his Auntie Brynn with flowers for he "real fake birthday”). And I’m starting to look forward to lunch with him—for the past few days I've worn him in the Bjorn while we cooked, then he's sat in his highchair while I ate off his tray and we made funny faces at each other and “talked”.

 

I love my little guy and I'm SO happy to have this time home with him—It’s amazing to me that I even get to hit my head against these silly issues and concern myself with sleep schedules and the like. The joy is overwhelming--the frustration is fleeting.

 

And now we are off to spend some time aquarium-gazing at the local pet store…

Liam is really turning into a baby now--no longer just a newborn who does nothing but sleep and eat. In the last few days he's taken to sleeping longer chunks at night and napping in much shorter (sometimes as little as five minute) snatches during the day. He's also having increasingly long awake-not-on-the-breast periods so we are having more time to play and explore.

 

Today Liam and I spent the afternoon smelling our way through Daddy's EXTENSIVE spice cabinets (we skipped the spicy ones but still had over an hour of pure-smelling to do!) One of my books suggested taking the baby to a local nursery and spending time smelling flowers--I got hooked on the idea of smell-education and figured what better place to start than our very own kitchen? So far his favorites seem to be: anise, saffron, almond, and cherry. I think he's got good taste.

Liam slept 3 hours the night before last IN HIS CO-SLEEPER (this means NOT in arms or attached to mommy by nursing or even really in mom & dad's bed!) this is AMAZING as our little man does NOT like to be put down!

 

And then last night he slept for approximately 7 hours (in our bed)! If I'd been awake I would have worried I needed to wake him to feed him but I was asleep--for multiple hours in a row with a not-quite-six-week-old! WOW! (and way-to-go-Liam!)

Man, the time has flown.  Having Liam around has been an interesting mix of two opposing feelings: first that he is brand-new and exciting, and second that we've known him all our lives and having him here is the most natural thing in the world.

 

I'm on spring break now, which is phenomenal--I miss being able to see his awake and happy moods.  He is so interested in everything going on around him.  He loves staring at rows of books, so of course I'm thrilled.  I can't believe he is outgrowing his first set of clothes!

 

I love my little Liam.  'Nuff said.

Yesterday at the doctor's, when I placed Liam on the scale and saw the number (6lbs 15oz), I prepared myself to be lectured--surely my one month old should be over 7 pounds by now right? But I was happily surprised with squeals of joy from the nurse "Go Mommy!" she exclaimed ("Go Liam" I thought--he's done all the work!). Liam is, evidently, growing nicely: just under 7lbs and a touch over 20 inches. He’s stayed in all the same percentiles and Baby Dr seems quite pleased with his development. YAY!

 

Hurdles negotiated this month:

* Birth

* Liam's horrible yeast infection/diaper rash combo--poor broken skin baby. All better!

* Mommy's breast feeding nightmares--bye bye bloody boobies!

* The naming: Liam is officially welcomed into the covenant.

* Sleeping "through the night" --truthfully we haven't had night-time hurdles yet but it still seems worth mentioning that our little guy is capable of sleeping 5 hours at a stretch without starving to death!

* pushing-up, holding head up, rolling over, tracking objects, recognizing parents' voices, etc: again no real hurdles--just development.

* First public outings (galore!) trips to the doctor, the mall, synagogue, restaurants, religious study group, and even a crawfish boil--all smashing successes.

* Daddy going back to work-- we miss Daddy when he's at work (and he misses us!) but we are all managing just fine (Now if Daddy can only find a job in Round Rock next year so he gets home before bedtime we'll be set!)

Liam has been sort of tracking (in a kind of "we-think-he's-following-the object-for-a-few-seconds" kind of way) for a while now but as of yesterday he is definitely and REALLY tracking for short periods of time. He LOVES the ceiling fan and will contort his whole body into strange shapes to keep it in sight--he'll also follow it with his head when we spin it slowly. He's also started tracking other objects (rattles and such) and even turning to see them when they go out of sight.

 What can I say our little guy is really cruising through those developmental milestones!

 

The photos from the naming are ready! Yay! You can see ALL of them here if you like. (If it needs an "event key" it's "Liam") Or you can wait a few days until I get our favorites up on this site.

Today marks three weeks since Liam's birth and it's been a BIG day! Today he discovered TOYS~! (In the past he's been indifferent if not annoyed by the toys we've dangled in his vicinity... today he seems pleased to explore his room--rattles, mobiles, a jingling frog, and even a bouncy horse!) As I type this Liam is sitting in his vibrating bouncy chair perfectly content to gaze at the mirror sun above his head and make little ahh--ahh noises. I think this is the first time he's been happy out of arms for more than 5 minutes since his birth!

I'm enjoying my newly emerging child-who-wants-to-play but I'm also already missing my newborn Liam! (He even looks different in today's photographs--more like a baby less like a newborn!)

Liam spends a lot more time awake and alert now than he ever has--and we are enjoying learning more about him. He continues to have the world's most expressive newborn face and an intense interest in the world around him--he's ALWAYS looking at something (He is especially entranced with the bookshelf by our bed which is stuffed full of Daddy's shiny and interesting Fantasy books). Most mornings when I wake up I find him staring in wide-eyed wonder at the bookshelf (which I guess is appropriate given that we started reading him The Hobbit as his bedtime story sometime around week two).

It's truly amazing to see how much Liam has changed in the not-quite three weeks since his birth: He started out wide-eyed and curious but his curiosity seems to grow with each day--he loves to look into his mirror, watch his balloons dance, and listen to the sounds of his crinkly star toy (He also really likes talking to his dad on the phone. Whenever Chris and I chat Liam hears Chris's voice and starts looking around for his daddy--when I put the phone up to his ear Liam either gets increasingly animated or immediately falls asleep soothed--it's adorable!). We start every day in bed with some cuddling, play time, tummy time and a board book or two (his favorite book so far is Moo Baa La La La) and he is delighting me in the past few days with some new vocalizations (this morning he said something that sounded a lot like daddy! Obviously it wasn't but it sure was cute!) His dad continues to be obsessed with Liam’s head control (and it really is impressive—our boy’s favorite position is sitting up and he’ll happily hold his head up and look around the room for stretches as long as 4 or 5 minutes at a time!)

 

P.S. He's growing like a weed! (We don't go to the doctor for another week so I don't have numbers but I SWEAR he's near 7 lbs and much longer than he was!)

 

 

I should have posted yesterday but I wasn't sure I believed what I'd seen--(he's now repeated it on at least 4 separate occasions so I have to call it a true first!): 

Liam can filp over from his stomach to his back! This is a crazy bizarre first because it's supposed to be something babies do around 3 months not two weeks! I'm sure nobody will believe me in years to come when I say he first rolled over at two weeks but I swear I'm not lying! (There's even a picture in the Day 15 gallery)

I can't believe how fast time flies when you are newly in love--newly a family.

I can't believe he's already almost two weeks old!

I can't believe how much he's already changed since his birth!

 

He's gained a ton of weight (6lbs 6oz last we checked--up from a low of under 6 lbs) and a half an inch already. He's spending more time awake and alert than ever, he holds his head up for 20 seconds or more when Chris is playing with him and/or burping him, and he's beginning to interact with things very preliminarily (he loves the sound of crinkling plastic, reaches for things on very rare occasion, looks for us when he hears our voices, etc). And he swims!

I think my highlight of this week may have been taking Liam in the tub last night. He hasn't been a big fan of baths up to this point (mostly because until his stump fell off they had to be sponge baths and I'm sure that's cold and unpleasant). But last night I decided to take him in the tub with me and BOY does he like hanging out in the warm water (he cried when we ran out of warm--after I had to refill the tub once). He can't hold his head above the water (obviously) but if I support his head and let his body lay in the water on his back he floats and kicks (with serious power) and motored around the tub happily for almost an hour. I also think he cooed once or twice while swimming (which I know he's not supposed to do for a few more weeks but I SWEAR he did!).

 

The naming went well--several people said it was meaningful/moving for them (and the Rabbi even congratulated me on putting together such a thoughful ceremony) and there wasn't any more weird in-law-interfaith tension than there usually is. I was impressed and very pleased that everyone came and mingled and was sweet to us and eachother and even tried to sing the weird Hebrew songs they didn't know--YAY!. Liam didn't cry too much (and Andrea was PERFECT--I was really touched that my sister brought her 4 day old!) All in all it was a sucess. I'm glad we did it (and I'm also glad it's over--now I don't have to stress about it anymore!) Pictures to follow in about two weeks.

 

I'll include one blessing here: The one I wrote for our child(ren) long before I was even pregnant with Mira but which we said over Liam last night for the first time (and should continue to say over h im when we light the Sabbath candles for the rest of his life):

 

May you find a community to sustain you

and create a life that fulfills you

 

May you face challenges with integrity

and courage

 

May you treat people with compassion

and genuine good will

 

May you love

and be loved

 

Find contentment and awe

 

And may you come to see through your own eyes

the magic that is you

Today is Liam's naming ceremony--I think I'm more nervous about this than I was about my wedding! It's silly: It's really not a big deal at all and even if it's a total disaster--if nobody sings, and the baby screams, and we forget the prayershawl, and I can't get through the ceremony without bawling--even then everyone will love us and nobody will care that it was a disaster (Except me when I'm paying the bill for the photographer!) And yet I'm terrified.

 I'm nervous about my very non-universalist mother-in-law and I'm nervous about our uber-interfaith crowd which doesn't know the prayers. I'm nervous about the ceremony I wrote not being good enough, and I'm nervous that the rabbi won't follow the ceremony I wrote. I'm nervous about the baby crying and I'm nervous about breastfeeding in public in the middle of a religious ceremony designed to celebrate him (because it's weird for the center of attention to have his head in my shirt the whole night isn't it?

I'm nervous because it's supposed to get cold which means the outdoors Havdalah section I planned on may get moved inside (which is fine--I mean really why do I care if it is indoors or out?!)

I think I'm just scared because, like it or not, this whole thing means something to me and it's not something I can make happen on my own. It’s really not often that I have to let go so completely of something that is meaningful to me—but tonight I'm placing my trust in my friends and family—I’m being vulnerable (which is NOT something I’m good at). I have to believe that they won’t judge—that they come to this with their hearts and minds in the right place--and that is tougher than I want it to be with some of my in-laws at the moment (and that makes me sad). I want this to be a joyous celebration--the kind of thing where everyone is comfortable and just happy to be in one place celebrating together... and I'm worried because everyone knows how much I care about this--and because it's so foreign to everyone (I don't think ANYONE we invited, with the exception of the rabbi, has ever been to a naming before)--that people will try too hard to do it "right" and it'll end up feeling forced and dead. I just want this to be a good night--a night the room spins and people love each other... and I hate that I have no control over making that happen!

 

One week down--a lifetime to go!

We had our first major outing today--going to the hospital to meet his newborn cousin!  It went very smooth--we called the hospital to ask if bringing Liam in was going to be an issue, and we were cautioned that security may have some questions for us.  One nurse did stop us on the way out and ask--she was looking at us a little funny, so we stopped and talked to her.

 

Andrea is very cute--almost as cute as Liam (if I do say so myself).  Lots of dark hair on her...I got to hold her most of the visit, then went with her as they did her assessment.  Without the security band, I couldn't go back in to the exam room with her, but I did watch through the window.  She sacked out most of the time, only fussing when they changed her diaper.  Joanna was doing well, too.  I must have looked fairly comfortable holding her--two nurses asked if I was the dad.  And two or three people asked if Ruth and Joanna were twins.

Hard to believe that in a week, I already feel like an old hand at this.  Admittedly, I know how blessed we have been with an amazingly easy newborn.  I've even had plenty of sleep...some of which I know is because Ruth is breast-feeding, so waking me for middle of the night feedings would be somewhat pointless.

Most of what I've done has been a support role, helping to keep the two of them comfortable...I can't imagine going back to work next week and leaving them alone for 10 or 11 hours.  I know I have to....

I see changes every day as his personality comes out.  He likes riding in the car, and really likes Nirvana!  (quieted right down when Smells Like Teen Spirit came on...started back up when the song was over...so I replayed it...and he hushed again...not shabby...)  He seems to prefer Irish lullabies (only when Mom sings), and me reading Dr. Seuss.  He loves seeing new things.  I know his hungry cry from his about to foul his diaper cry...and that he loves to lunge forward for his hands when we've got him balanced upright.

Speaking of his hands...he takes great delight in using and playing with them.  He will hold his pacifier to his mouth, two-fisted.  He'll also move his mommy's breast around to find the perfect placement.

And all these changes still feel natural, which is the strangest thing of all...I know my life has been completely turned around, but it's hard to imagine him not being here...I fell harder and faster for my little guy than I thought possible.  And so, with that, I am going back to him.  Goodnight.

Chris and I gave Liam his first bath this morning (a few pictures will follow but I was pretty busy actually BATHING the little guy) and then I nursed him and put him back to sleep on his dad so I could come downstairs and be effective. Sounds like a good plan right?

 

But AM I actually BEING effective? Of course not--I'm sitting here looking at pictures and watching the smiling video over and over! I might as well still be upstairs tucked in with my guys for all the work I'm getting done! I'm offcially an over-zealous mommy (as if that didn't happen the moment I first saw him--or the moment I first saw that positive test)

 

(Oh and have I mentioned lately how incredibly in love with Chris I am--how good a daddy and partner he is? How much his being here makes this whole experience sweeter and more fulfilling than I ever could have imagined?)

I've not been writing much for the past few days but I've been taking a ton of pictures which I'll try to get posted eventually (and even some video--check out the galleries page for a video of how my mornings start--could I be more lucky?)

 

Things are going well here: my milk finally came in on Thursday: HALLALUJIA! So nursing is getting easier on both of us. On Friday we took a short walk to the mailbox as a family (with the Bean in arms). I'm continually amazed by how easy the c-section has been! Saturday started with Liam's first visit to the pediatrician (no real worry of jaundice--yay!) and then we took a walk around the block through our park with Liam in the stroller (gotta love Texas--how many 4 day olds are going for walks in February?) Liam also met his Grandpa Bob for the first time on Saturday (he'd been in Corpus for the week) and enjoyed his first Valentines Day night cuddled up in front of the fire with his parents (not to mention taking a nap on his Auntie JoJo which was only somewhat disturbed by kicks from his jealous cousin Andrea).

 

Today, Sunday, has been a nice slow day--we started the morning in the back yard so Liam could get some sun (working on continuing to ward off the big bad Jaudice). It was hard to override ALL my mothering instincts and put my baby outside naked both IN THE SUN and exposed to the February weather. (Actually he enjoyed it--the breezes were pretty minor and it was warm in the sun--he apparently really DID get his Daddy’s skin and none of my sun aversion: Whoo hoo!) The rest of the day has been the slow and easy kind: couch cuddling, baby watching, much conversation about how we couldn't possibly have gotten a better baby--you know, the usual.

 

How good life is!

Hey, everyone....First of all, thanks for all your help and support these last few days--it made our stay much easier.

 

I'm living in a dream right now...with everything that happened with Mira, I never really let myself believe we would get to this point.  I felt that something would happen to take Liam, or Ruth, or both of them, away from me....I've been crying with relief, with joy, with sadness for Mira, and for all of the above at various times.  At the gift shop, when the cashier asked me 'boy or girl'...at the grocery store, where I ran into an acquaintance from Williamson County Democrats and he asked what I've been up to....holding him in my arms while he cried, hungry.

 

I always expected my blood pressure would spike when he cried and I couldn't calm him down.  So far, I feel sympathy for him, but no surge in frustration---he's communicating the only way he can right now. 

 

He's got his first cloth diaper on--fingers are crossed that we did it right and no leaks...<G>

 

Life is really pretty amazing.  (and there go the happy tears again)

 

Chris

We just put Liam in his first cloth diaper (not allowed in the hospital). It, like all the disposables he's been in for the past few days, is HUGE on him. Someday soon when he's not screaming I'll get a picture--this time he was hungry and urgent and I just wanted to get him clean and feeding--none-the-less it seemed note-worthy. Little man--you wore your first cloth diaper at 7:15pm on Friday the 13th 2009 (I wonder when your last diaper change will be?)

We're home and Liam couldn't be sweeter, easier, or cuter! He seems happy to be home away from all the over stimulation of the hospital--even his latch is more secure, better, more comfortable. It was almost like he breathed a sigh of relief when we walked in the door and his whole body has been more relaxed ever since. (It's a good feeling to love your home: all three of us seem to feel relief to finally be in our own space where we can cuddle on the couch, enjoy the coming evening, and not worry about a nurse or someone disturbing us every time we get comfy--it's good to settle in and be HOME together as a three!

 

I'll write more later but for now I just wanted to say that we are home and healthy and happy. It's starting to feel more real now (though still almost surreally natural and easy). It was cool to call for his first dr's appointment (tomorrow 10am), file his social security number and birth certificate paperwork, and just generally establish that he is now, undeniably, a REAL person. We are, finally, real parents forever and ever—nothing can take this away! (And no that doesn't feel scary or overwhelming: I'm almost embarrassed to say it because I worry it means I'm too blasé about this but becoming an "official" mom has been, so far, very much like getting married was, just an easy step in the same direction I've been heading for ages as opposed to feeling like a huge leap or monumental change of any sort). This all feels so right.

 

Chris and I keep commenting on how much easier this has been than we thought it would be (<knock on wood>). We admit that Liam is an easy baby so far with a good temperament and that our opinions may change in a matter of hours but for right now it just seems so normal and perfect and RIGHT that we aren't stressing at all. (In fact someone hit our car while we were in the hospital and knocked our passenger side mirror practically off the car---something that would normally enrage and frustrate Chris even if he weren't driving home his new baby. But today he just calmly pulled over at a corner drug store to get some duct tape so we could fix it for the ride home commenting, when I asked him, "I'm just so happy to have HIM here that this hardly seems like a big deal at all!")

 

I think for me the sentiment is the same--yes nursing has been a little harder than I wanted it to be and having a cough with a c-section wound is not a walk in the park either. But all in all--I'd do it again a thousand times over with joy if I could spend even one day with this little guy! (I can't wait to post pictures but I need both hands to do that--right now my boy is nursing in one arm and all I have free is this one--by the by, typing with one hand is obnoxious--I wonder if I'll get more used to it over the next several months?)

?)  

It's 5:00am and Liam is off being poked and prodded for a few final tests before we go home tomorrow (afternoon I'm told to expect). He's been a PERFECT angel baby tonight: to elaborate would take time I don't have telling the back story of the trouble he's been having nursing on the right side but let me just say that tonight from about 11:15 to 4:00am was PERFECT--it was one of those stretches in time where everything goes exactly like it is suposed to (and easily).

I have so much I want to write when I'm back at a computer that isn't so hard to use (this is a TV with a remote keyboard and a very problematic system!) I have stories I never want to forget and just general documenting that needs doing but for now let it be said that tonight I got a glimpse of so many of the amazing parts of my future--a glimpse of sweet teamworkfamily moments in the future with Chris, adorable bonding moments with Liam, extended family moments with  our community at large...

Tonight we had a little Liam birthday celebration with my mom, Jean, Marie, and Brynn & Todd.. we ate cookie cake and drank martinellis and toasted our newest addition... I love these people so much--when Chris left I told him I couldn't believe how blessed we are to finally have this kind of a family--of course it's amazing to have Liam and be a threesome family--but tonight the thing I want to record (so I can try to record it more fully later) is that I felt for the first time as an adult tonight what I felt as a kid growing up... Chris and I have found in Brynn what my mom and dad had in Jean and Mark and Marie and Bill--we have found our family of choice and I couldn't feel more loved or taken care of or grateful or blessed... (and speaking of blessed my boy is being wheeled in now!)

Thank you to all of you who are visiting and following us here--it matters and we are grateful!

It's midnight--Liam is off for his midnight assesment and will be back soon for his feeding (he's been asleep for almost 3 hours straight and will need it!) It's strange to be sitting in the room alone (Chris is with Liam) thinking about how I now, officailly, have a one day old baby! I'm somebody's mom (and that somebody isn't the newest baby in the world anymore! It's all going so fast!)

I tried to go to bed around 9:30 but I still haven't slept much at all because I keep doing the classic "Is he still alive?!" thing and waking myself up. I wish I could sleep with him in my arms but they are worried about saftey (and I understand) so if I'm actually trying to sleep I have to put him in his crib and that is just too seperate for me (I mean he was a PART OF ME only a matter of 16 hours ago!) Oh well--Chris has slept plenty so I'll put him on "baby-breath-duty in the morning and maybe get some sleep myself. (It's HARD though because I really don't want it to be tomorrow yet!)

I can't believe he's here and he's real and he's nursing and it's working and and and... it's just unfathomable and amazing and awesome and wow. I'd wish for articulateness except that I'm too dang happy to wish it any different. He's back!

I'm bummed but accessing the internet is very hard from the hospital because my computer doesn't play well with their network so I wont be posting much here for now...

For the time being let it simply be said that Liam was born (somewhat reluctantly) and triumphantly at 8:10 on Wed February 11th 2009. He is a very hungry 6lbs 2 oz and is more than we'd dreamed of.

I will post pics when I can (believe me there will be SO many it's not even funny) but for now you'll have to survive knowing that he got his daddy's coloring as far as we can tell: already darker comlected than I am with dark brown hair and maybe green/hazel eyes like his dad? (And I should add that we think he has a dimple (at least one) but we can't be sure yet). He's an adorale skinny baby and I can't wait to share photos and stories but for now I'm going to giv up on the bad hospital inernet and try to ge some sleep (SO hard t want today to be over--it's been so amazing!

(Brynn if you are reading this PLEASE upload yuur Liam photos on the "other people's photos page?)

In less than 24 hours, if all goes according to plan, we'll be holding Liam in our arms (or at least Chris will I'll probably be in transit to recovery and numb from the chest down!) It's unthinkable and indescribable. I'm so happy!

and I'm the opposite of sedated!

Liam--we're ready for you.  Your mom and I have been able to wrap our heads around the idea that you are going to be here...and soon!  It's so unreal--we've been waiting for months, and in about 30 hours or so, you will be in my arms for the first time. 

Can't wait to meet you!

We can't really figure out what to do with today--after all the waiting and uncertainty, we know where and when you will come into the world.  The doctor was so nonchalant about the c-section, which makes sense.  But for us, it is mind-blowing. 

 

We should have a parade in your honor--and there will be a parade of friends, family...you're lucky--born into a kind and loving family.  I want you to meet your grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, honorary relatives...

 

We've been waiting for you

 

See you soon!

Our appointment this morning went well (and exactly as I expected it to). Liam is not turned and is not going to (it seems that my uterus is abnormally shaped and therefore he is just not going to be able to stay head down). After checking him briefly on the ultrasound Dr. Baby asked us what day we wanted our c-section--as simple as that no fanfare or earth shattering. There was nothing momentous about it--just a very matter-of-fact awareness on all of our parts that scheduling was the next step (afterall--if he can't be born sideways and he can't be born normally we're going to need a c-section. It's just a matter of timing). We got to pick our day and I've always felt like he should come on the 11th so the 11th it will be--The surgery should start at 7:30 and very soon thereafter we will get to FINALLY meet our son.  

I know I was a little freaked about it before but at the moment I'm just not concerned in the slightest--this is the safest plan for both Liam and I (If I labor too hard with him in his current position he could rupture my uterus which would be bad for both of us!) and I'm surprisingly okay with the fact that it's not what I had envisioned. We'll rework the birth plan but I trust our hospital implicitly and Chris will get to be with Liam at all times so there is nothing to worry about in terms of the hospital giving him a bottle or circumcising him without our permission or anything fishy like that. I'm happy and calm and very excited that he'll be here so soon!

only 11 hours until our appointment in the morning--we'll find out then when and how our little guy is going to come into the world! Chris is cooking up a couple pans of enchiladas for my sister, her boyfriend, and I (Joanna has been in and out of labor for the past few days and we figure once Liam comes we won't be cooking for anyone). 

 

I'm wandering around the house looking for things to be done (laundry to be put away, white paint on the nursery window sill that needs touching up, last minute bills that should get dealt with, etc.) Our floors still need sweeping/vacuuming/mopping (anyone want to clean our floors and scrub our toilets while I'm in hospital?!) and I'm sure I'll wish I'd done a better job getting our office clutter free but we're ready enough now. If nothing else got done before we brought Liam home we'd be fine. Our bags are packed and we'll put them in the car tomorrow when we go to the doctor’s just in case (so crazy!). Honestly I'd be surprised if Dr. Baby decides to induce tomorrow (though anything is possible). And even if it's not tomorrow I'm still thinking he'll be here with us by Thursday at the latest (induction on Tuesday or C-section on Wed). It's amazing to think that in just a few days I'll be able to see and touch and smell my son! I can't wait to watch Chris when he sees and holds Liam for the first time (he's so excited!)

 

I've imagined the moment when Chris meets his child a thousand different times before and honestly it's never been in a planned c-section scenario. So now we're working on adjusting our expectations to include c-section things (like my maybe not being able to hold him and nurse him right away). It's a big attitude shift for me (who was previously pretty wedded to the idea of at least TRYING for a natural birth) but I've made my peace with it and am just excited about having both my guys home with me for the next few weeks!

 

At my appointment today I was actually LESS dilated than last week--we did an ultrasound to explore why and discovered that Liam has turned transverse again. (He's spent the majority of the last 9 months laying transverse (across my abdomen) instead of in the more typical breech or head down position). Last week he was head down (as is necessary for birth) but apparently changed his mind some time in the last seven days and no longer feels the need to cooperate.... (like mother like son I guess)

There is nothing to be done right now--I'm hardly dilated and there is no real worry of immediate labor so, for now, I got sent home with strict instructions to GO TO LABOR AND DELIVERY if I start having any real contractions (because if I go into labor while he's transverse I'll need a C-section and if I wait too long to go to the hospital it could be a little problematic in addition to being needlessly painful--there is no reason to labor for endless hours if I'm just going to end up with a c-section anyway).

I'll go in on Monday morning to see if he's turned: If he's properly head down then Dr. Baby says we should jump on the opportunity and induce on Tuesday (though why not Monday I don't understand--couldn't he turn again?). If he's still transverse on Monday then I'll probably be having a (planned) c-section (the details of which will be further discussed on Monday). Either way it's a pretty big change from our previous "wait and see" plan and it sounds like we may be having a baby on Tuesday or Wednesday. (I did always say I thought he should be born on the 11th didn't I?)

Marvelous morning! We had our official couples/maternity shoot this morning at Amy's Ice Cream at the Arbor--a place we've been frequenting since we started dating and still love. It's a sentimental and fun location for us as well as providing a nice amount of variety in terms of backdrops for our photographer to work with. I hope (and trust) that the images turned out well (now we just have to wait two weeks to see them!)

All in all it was a GREAT way to start the day! We had a blast cuddling and kissing and goofing around for the camera and we ended the shoot by sharing a wonderful ice-cream cone (and purchasing Liam an official Amy's "I scream for ice-cream" onsie).

After enjoying our time as stars in front of the lens Chris and I equally enjoyed fading back to our more normal "watcher" roles. We had a leisurely lunch on the green and reveled in the sights and sounds of all the families taking advantage of the GORGEOUS day. There were TONS of parents and tiny tots playing in the grass, watching the fountains, playing chase and otherwise embodying all those "AWWW" moments of early family life. It was a special thrill to watch one particular little boy practicing his (obviously new) crawling skills in the fresh cool grass as his parents looked on and thinking that, very soon, WE will be the couple cuddled up on the blanket watching our little guy squeal with delight as he learns to locomote! How lucky are we?!

 

(PS: I just received a note from our photographer saying that if you register as a guest at http://www.pictage.com/614881 before the gallery is set up you will receive a $5 credit toward prints should you want any. I plan to add our favorite shots here and you can always order prints through this site but hardcore Liam Fans might want to see ALL the pictures and registering at Pictage will let you do that--the $5 credit is just icing on the cake.)

1 centimeter dilated. 

6lbs 3 oz.

Measuring right on track.

 

Dr. Baby touched his head this afternoon! Who knows how many days/hours/weeks until I can finally touch him myself.

Debbie of "Debbie Does Diapers" fame came this morning--we are now all set up with 80 tiny diapers awaiting Liam's arrival. (We love our family and friends by the way THANK YOU for all the generous donations!) It's exciting to think we are finally truly prepared! (Now we just have to hope everything goes according to plans and he actually gets to come home and USE some of the diapers!)

I obsessively self monitor these days: "What's THAT new feeling in my abdomen? Have my nether regions always felt like that? Could this be the beginning of labor?"

And people keep saying things like "this could be the last time you do X before the baby comes" or, when saying goodbye, "well I hope we see you again before you give birth"... it seems everyone is hyper aware that he could come ANY DAY NOW!

But I honestly don't think he's coming all that soon--my cervix was completely closed on Wednesday when they checked and first babies tend to come late not early. Chris thinks the 10th, I used to think the 15th (induction) but for some reason I'm thinking the 11th now (but that's probably just because everything happens to us on 11ths---we met on an 11th, married on an 11th and I started hemorrhaging blood when Mira died on an 11th.

I've been thinking alot less about Mira lately as I focus more on how very present Liam is instead of how absent she is. But I can't help notice that Liam will be born about a month shy of the year anniversary of her death (has it really been that long?!) And, of course, she should be here now--born in September--we should be slowly introducing solid foods and finally starting to get the hang of this parenting thing instead of wondering when labor will start. I miss her and I wish I'd gotten to meet her... and yet if we'd had her we never would have gotten Liam. A I could never wish him away. I'm certain life is as it should be--even when it doesn't seem right.

Today was a busy one medically--I had an appointment with Dr. Baby at 3:30 and we interviewed the potential Baby Dr at 5:00.

I think we've found our pediatrician. Chris and I both felt very comfortable with our new Baby Dr and are excited to think that Liam will be with us the next time we visit! We need to double check a few last insurance issues but then we'll call to get on file. It's all getting so very official!

It's innaguration morning--I'm excited and hopeful but also just halfway wishing it was already tomorrow--the festivites over and our new Mr. President safe and sound. If everything goes according to plan we'll all go to bed tonight in a better world. I couldn't be more excited that Liam will be born under this man instead of under Bush.  

The nursery is finally "ready enough". There is still a big box of garbage sitting in the middle of the floor and some random tools scattered around but those things will take only a few minutes to clear out. I'd like to repaint the windowsill, vacum, and maybe find a better slip cover for my chair, etc... but those are little luxeries not important at all. In point of fact--the room is actually READY (with the exception of the fact that his otherwise well stocked changing station has no diapers--but that could be fixed easily with a quick phone call and will be remedied othewise on the 24th). Ready enough---here we come!

The shower went extremely well....since Ruth and I and Liam were the subjects, we did not have cameras out to document the event--though there were plenty of eager shutterbugs in attendence.

Only 22 days until his Due Date (I wonder how many days until his actual birthday!?)

 

I decided to start this site now in hopes that Chris or I might actually manage to get some photos up in a timely manner after he makes his apperance. Wish us luck.

5/25/2011 2:51:47 AM - fb:1534197328
Grandpa and I have really enjoyed catching up on your blog. I am so, so glad you are writing Liam's life down! What a treasure this will be for him. And as good or beter than a scrapbook for you both! Of course, getting to know him has helped us appreciate all the stories about him. He is indeed amazing!

6/21/2010 4:04:25 PM - 000074314519
How is the deck? Are you still loving evenings out there, or is it just too hot even at dusk? Are you finished?? I'd love to see more photos!

5/19/2010 12:59:58 AM - 001092487381
I'm pretty sure I could write something sweet about ever picture and video I've seen. Thanks for sharing, very special! :)

5/4/2010 1:37:58 PM - 002022307465
GG I really AM trying to get the less happy shots you asked for... it's not as easy as you'd think. Liam's upset moments just don't last long enough to photograph (for the most part--the ones that do are moments in which he needs his mommy to comfort him not to run off and find a camera). I'll keep working on it!

3/25/2010 6:47:26 PM - 002057828855
I just finally noticed that you had uploaded a bunch of pictures of Liam in the sweater I knit for him onto my Facebook photos. I must have missed the FB notice that I had new photos. THANK YOU for letting me see him in it. Looks like it just barely fits him...not much room to grow. Is that right? Just learning how to manage knitting something a kiddo can wear more than 10minutes <smile> Thank you for sharing it in the midst of everything else youall are doing! Love, Great Aunt Heidi

3/6/2010 3:00:20 AM - 002057828855
Liam is having a great time in these pictures!

2/5/2010 5:57:38 PM - 002057828855
Ruth, you will ALWAYS be the coolest person on earth!

11/15/2009 10:50:37 PM - 002022307465
Yes Sarah you have the right day. Chris actually spent his real birthday at a gaming convention sans wife and baby so Liam will have to wait until his OWN birthday to get to destroy the cake. (He had some of his Daddy's cookie cake at his faux birthday celebration but was very neat about it).

11/7/2009 4:34:55 AM - 002060686042
Happy Birthday to Liam's Dad! (Do I have the right day??) I'm wondering if Liam got icing on his chin, nose, and cheeks... :)
It's fun to read about Liam's milestones and anticipate what is coming up for Cristina in the next months!
I went shopping today and I can't believe how little some of those clothes look already.

10/15/2009 7:07:49 PM - 002022622553
So early. My Becky walked this early. Nick took his firsts on his birthday. Emily...Dear lazy Emily..does not even stand up holding on. LOL.

10/3/2009 4:48:14 PM - 002057828855
I love that little bump on the back of his head in the picture with Chris. I don't know why, but that bump is irresistable to me to put my hand there and rub it. sigh, Love, Heidi

9/21/2009 2:08:26 PM - 002022307465
Heidi, I can never decide about the orange--he either looks GREAT or not good at all. I think it's usually the later (at least if you can see his eyes. Not sure it does much for his skin but it's great with those bright blue eyes!)

9/15/2009 5:32:24 PM - 002057828855
Ruth, everytime I look at these photos I am struck with how great Liam looks in orange. Is that true in real life? Love seeing him grow up (and hearing about your life) It makes me feel closer to you. Love, Heidi

7/30/2009 1:01:22 PM - 002022307465
GG, We hired a photographer for the maternity photos and the photos of the naming but other than that it's been all us all along. (Glad you like them!)

7/29/2009 8:29:50 PM - 002058981400
Love hearing about the campus adventures. And the photos are so adorable. Tell me, is your photographer friend still taking the photos or have you two taken over? I am pretty sure it is the latter? Thanks again for sharing Liam with us in this wonderful way. Love, GGG

7/21/2009 7:13:30 PM - 002060686042
You have some wonderful pictures up. What expressions you have caught!
I look forward to the day Cristina meets Liam and Andrea.

7/18/2009 12:50:48 AM - 002057828855
Love being able to check this site every day for updates. It makes me feel like I am really watching Liam grow... even tho I am far away. We love you all.

7/14/2009 3:06:50 AM - 002022307465
GG, Thank YOU for being interested. I LOVE sharing Liam's Life (I only wish I could share the boy himself more easily across the distance).

7/12/2009 6:15:54 PM - 002058981400
Thanks, again, Ruth, for sharing these wonderful pictures, showing so many moods, experiences, expressions of this marvelous baby. It is pleasing to see the happiness in all three of you, as well as in the expended family. G-GG