Never in a million years did I think I would have to face this in my twenties….but here we go…I have a new respect for the color pink.
Let’s start from a week ago. Wednesday November 16, 2011 I went in for my annual checkup and during the breast exam the doctor found two lumps. I knew of one because it was right under the skin and small so I didn’t think much of it, but she found a much larger spot deeper. She then referred me to get a sonogram of the areas to take a better look at what they could be. That Thursday I went in and it was suggested that I get a biopsy of those areas including my enlarged lymph nodes. Luckily they got me in that following Monday. I was concerned with the holidays they wouldn’t be able to get me in until after Thanksgiving. They found two additional spots they wanted biopsies from so I had about 4-5 samples from each…I felt like a pin cushion and am still a little sore and bruised, but at least they got what they needed. Normally these things take 2-3 business days so I was worried about getting the news before Thanksgiving or else it would have been a week before I knew. The doctor was kind enough to put a rush on it because I did want to know.
Yesterday, time was going as slow as molasses and finally about quarter to 3 I decided to call the clinic before people started leaving for the holiday. While on the phone with the clinic and them telling me I needed to call the Baylis building, the Baylis building called me and left a voicemail. So of course I immediately called Mindy the nurse back. Then she said it…..”all four spots were breast cancer”…….really?! I’m only 27! Disbelief after so many people were reassuring me that it probably won’t be anything major (to make me feel better), just then realizing I am a 27 year old with breast cancer. Mindy was great and even shared that she went through it at 30 and now she’s 37 and cancer free…it was refreshing to get that type of news from someone who had been on the other end of the phone before and understood what was going through my head.
So now I have a consultation with a surgeon on Wednesday to find out how bad it is and what my options are. My family and friends are amazing and as soon as I told them the news they grabbed pizza and wine and some games and came over for a night of laughter and happiness that would otherwise have been very dreary. My husband has been so strong and I have already noticed that we are much closer than we were just a week ago…all the small things we would always argue over just seem insignificant now. It’s not a question of it I will beat this, because I won’t let it beat me, but just fear of what this process will bring and the unknown. I hate that it makes my friends and family sad and I struggle with letting the rest of the family know or letting them enjoy the holiday.
I wanted to start a blog from the very beginning of this process for my daughter and son. She is almost 4 and he is 7 and a half and I don’t think they will fully understand what is going on until they are much older. This way they have a way to look back when they want and can hear it from me.
I couldn’t sleep last night because the idea of writing this blog (http://lisasfight.wordpress.com/2011/11/24/diagnosis/) and the words “breast cancer” just kept resonating through my mind. However, I know my faith will keep me looking up and staying positive. Things happen for a reason and I know He has a plan for me. I will come out of this stronger than ever.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)