missingjeffjulian - missingjeffjulian

I've been gone quite awhile, today is Jeff's 21st birthday having a gathering at The Slowdown, the last place he was at, hope turns out good.

My sister gave me an ornament that came with a real cool saying but forgot it in my car so will put on her later.

These past couple months have been extra difficult. Thanksgiving, his birthday, xmas then it will be a year he went missing..................seems like yesterday.

Well Merry Christmas to all

Love ya Jeff

Mom

House cleaning is coming along slowly but surely, it's alot of work Jeff had alot of crap lol and alot of treasures, books, vinyl albums, pottery etc. Got all the posters off the wall in the basement can't bring myself to throw them away tho. The stove is clean and the refrigirator is clean so I don't want to use them lol. My brother took care of the yard pretty had no problem filling the trash bin.

Went to Texas Roadhouse last nite for my nieces birthday it was bitter sweet I gave her the picnic basket Jeff had bought at the Goodwill cuz she like to go on picnics with her friends. Texas Roadhouse was the last time I really spent time with Jeff for my nephew Cory's b-day so it was kinda sad bein there.

Going to football game tomorrow and also the last football game I went to was with Jeff and my nephew Koty so that will be bittersweet too at least it won't be the same seats.

Take care everyone and I'll try put something on here that Jeff wrote in the newest journal I found it was full!

I LOVE JEFF AND MISS HIM

Christine

Just thought I'd check in been pretty stressed lately trying real hard to get my house ready to sell, it's depressing. I just can't stay there anymore, or take care of it. It needs alot of work so we are going to try sell it "as is".

My nephew came over and picked out a few things to remember Jeff by.

I gave Jake (Ben's brother) some of Jeff's tshirts and the frisbee's he had for frothing (frisbee golf).

I'm taking this coming week off work to start cleaning and throwing things out orderered a big trash bin, so much to throw away!!!

Everyone take care

Christine

I MISS U JEFF

Went thru Jeff's clothes last Saturday and have two boxes to send to my cousin in North Carolina because she can make a quilt. It was depressing. Also found another journal of his and I want to share one entry this is for Sara and the Mellors

Dream tonite I shall.

I miss my Sara

And Ben. It's hard to imagine what it would be like right now. I wouldn't be who I am, so it's difficult to understand, impossible to fathom. Thank you Ben for being so strong, brave, and humerous. What a combination, what a person you were. Everyday, I will do my best to implement, to love in your name.

I LOVE YOU JEFF

MOM

A while back Jeff's friend Keith's mom asked me if Jeff had come to me in a dream I said before I knew he was dead I had a dream he was with Budha but since his death and he hadn't until last nite, it was surreal and sad.

I asked him if he could stay and he said no he has to get back cuz they were on the 9th hole golfing and they needed him then I asked if he could come back and he said no, I know I was balling in my sleep cuz I think that's what woke me up.

I think he might have come because the guy I had been dating totally dumped me by texting, I want to hate him but I can't he stuck by me thru the disappearance, vigils, he met me at the sheriff office when I had just found out they found him, visitation, funeral and came with me to look at Jeff's car when they finally released it. He just handled the "break up" thing very poorly and my heart was hurting really bad................

I LOVE & MISS YOU JEFFREY

MOM 

I googled Jeff's name just now, because I do that sometimes when I'm feeling down, and I found something that was on his friend Kurt Storks MySpace. It is amazing thanks Kurt. I'm adding a picture that was taken at the ravine he had on his MySpace I didn't know he took it and it made me cry because I remember standing there with Scott..................

Kurt wrote:

Last week started out as an amazing time, I woke up early started driving to Jeremy's apartment to surprise him because the weather was so beautiful and on the drive I called CPM and found out that we did get the house we applied for which made me so happy, so happy I can't even explain how happy.  After chilling out all day at Keith and Bryans I went to work at Rookies at about 445 just a little early because I was hungry.  After being at work for maybe no more than 15 minutes I got a text, this text was the worst thing I could have ever gotten, Sean P. told me that they found a body by Jeff's car in Fremont... I pretty much lost it, I lost my ability to talk, function, and even acknowledge people, so for that fact I apologize to anyone I may have been mean to during this process because it hit me harder than I could have ever imagined,  it was the first time in my life that someone I would see everyday was dead,  even as I write this I have a very tough time believing that it is really true.  The amount of things I want to say to Jeff our endless, the memories I have are endless, and the great times with him also endless.

More towards the middle of the week Keith, Dan, and I went to sign the lease on our house which is at 555 South 34th Street, but before hand we hit up Amsterdam's again which was still amazing to me.  After signing the lease we had one last thing to conquer, which was finding a good suitable fourth roomate.  So later on I found myself talking to Logan who I met for the first time probably not even 6 months ago, Keith, Dan and I all love this kid because he is very chill and very reliable in a living environment, after talking to him for a while we basically concluded that he might want to move in to the house, so after I showwed him the house and the area he talked to his mother and concluded that he was going to move in with us which made us all very, very pleased.

Friday....  Friday was one of the toughest days for me, it was the day of Jeffs funeral.  Seeing how his death hit me very late it was really tough for me to be there and see everyone, never in my life have I actually cried not only that but for about an hour too.  Saying goodbye to one of your friends is what I found out to be the toughest thing I have ever had to do, the words dont just come out, I didn't know what to say, how to act, all I could realize was that this sucked.  The only part that made me remotely happy was seeing so many faces of people that I love at the church. Thanks for everyone who has helped me out during this but more importantly thanks to everyone who has helped out Jeff's mom during this whole situation, I hope she knows we will do anything for her to help her out.

I ended my week by doing something I was a little nervous doing, I went out to the ravine where Jeff's car was found.  I rode there with Austin Fuchs, after meeting at Jeff's house with Matt S, Scott W, Christine J, and some other people that I don't really know we all drove out to Fremont where it all happened.  After seeing the ravine I realized how steep and hard the fall was for him in his car.  After just telling stories and talking we put up the cross for Jeff.  I am really glad that I went because I loved hearing and telling stories of Jeff and it was nice to meet some of his closest people that I have never met including Cassie, Jeff's Mom Christine, Scott, and Sara, I believe all of those names are correct sorry if they are not.  But it was a great ending to a long hard week, I feel a lot more comfotable with our loss of Jeff, but I'll take his influence with me for the rest of my life, I will never forget him.

I also agreed with Keith that on April 1st it is time to turn to the next chapter in our lives, time to take care of myself, loose some of this fat, become more active, make unreal amounts of music, and maybe start on a career in the arts...... wish us luck.

RIP Jeff

Peace to everyone and I love all of you.  :)

WE ALL LOVE YOU JEFF

Sorry it's been so long.................I've been battling profound sadness (it's the only way I can describe it) don't like to sit at home every night but I do and I cry. I visit Jeff once a week and I can say I'm glad to have somewhere to go "visit" him and cry.

Here's another journal entry he wrote: I have no idea who it's about

Push it away. I know you will take it back.

And the day will come where a choice will be given to you. Follow your Heart.

This is all for you my darling. Without you I am empty and dry. Thank you.

We must learn to trust the Love that we have been granted. Freedom awaits our union. To shine, rays of the Sun bring life light. Each moment so precious and fulfilling, each understanding and thought. Search deep within for the truth of what is possible. How do you want to live? What would you like to see on this Earth, this universe?

I LOVE AND MISS YOU JEFF!!!!

MOM

Jeff's headstone is finally in the ground, I'm sending pic of his, Ben's and their's together makes me feel good it is finally there......

I found a journal he started last summer so I thought I'd put some entries from that for the next few weeks. Hope things are good with everyone I am still waiting for the stone at the cemetary.

I also added two new pics of the framed registered star name Jeffrey Michael Julian my coworkers gave me, so cool.....

Late June 2008

Meditation is necessary. Rest last night was strong, but my mind is not. I saw Keith and friends, gave them brownies, and hung out for awhile. Movement is needed or you will crumble. My mother thankfully woke me up right on time for golfing with Uncle Rich, Bob and Gpa. The day was and is beautiful. All the while I was quietand reserved, my mind filled with a squable of this and that. Some positivity showed through, it's just I am weak right now.

Be somebody, optimistic, everlasting, consciousness is inescapable. Grandpa & I headed to Subway afterward. Once again I had little to say. Always though I see the potential after, and sometimes forget still. This is truly because I need to meditate, hardcore. The biggest challenge at this is you cannot rush yourself (I am still able to feel and possibly all that has been is leading me towards my destiney; at some point I must choose). Leaving Subway I ran into a lady. Lack of attention brought me here, and she could either see that, she is used to it in our indolent, disrespectful society. Jeff, stand against the crap.

Interplanetary existence deep in our eyes. Moving around like whispers in the wind, expressions of the infinite force that creates nebulas. Spectrums of color never-ending; truth all around is pending in our minds, but truly is always there.

So I went home and slept. Energy for now, but the suffering may be great from the troubles I have created. Although necessary for improvement towards virtue. Altruism:Give your possessions freely, do not be needy, steal nothing, always see how you can help, the only thing I ever needed was freedom.

Stop hiding in the shadows. Simply step out and see the new day. Continuous movement is needed for you to truly find love=effort.

Love you Jeff

Mom

My coworkers just surprised/shocked me just now with a gorgeous star necklace and had a star registered in Jeff's name. They had the certificate framed and the map of where the star is framed also!! I can't tell you what a awesome bunch of people I work with!!!

I LOVE U JEFF

LOVE MOM

Yesterday I received Jeff's cell phone, wallet and items that were in his clothes ie. driver's licsense, and the mortuary called to pick up his death certificate, too much in one day. He has video on his phone of him and my niece Sydney screwing around and playing the guitar, first time I've seen video of him it just ripped my heart out deeper and it really hit home  god I miss you Jeff.

I LOVE YOU

MOM

Who am I?  I simply am.  What message do I wish to convey? To not be normal, to be radical, to be who I want to be.  This takes action, and I have not acted.  Now it is over, at least this part.  So I must move onwards in my journey.  People out their now may think negatively about me, but I truly hope they can forgive me.  The only way though is if I change for the better.  Who is happier the wild man free to be in the desert sun, or the commonplace man stuffed up inside his velvety box of comfort? 

  This evening was magnificent, birds chirped and fluttered all around.  The feeling of complete comfort came over me.  It is time to discard this and search for the truth.  Here I will not find comfort until I lay on my bed of death which will truly be a hearth of nature.  All around me bugs will crawl and slither their way through the earth.  Or possibly I will be cremated?  This is a more holy way to deplete oneself.  Our bodies are only temporary vessels for this part of the journey.  Love it surely, but do not rely on it.  Love is strongest from your heart and from above. 

  Honestly, ignorance, laziness and fear have suppressed my true self for some time.  A truth is that I must be wise and treat myself a certain way to be most holy.  I seek this, yet I manifest doubt and negativity.  Only my diligence will free me from the chains of evil.  People have had different experiences and also seek different interests, but we all share potential universal virtues.  These are love, respect, compassion, kindness, truth, non-judgment, consciousness, freedom, intentions in harmony with our actions, trust, and honesty.  Many times we may sin, for the journey is not simple.  Once we have sewn our seeds though the sky will open up.  We will sprout eternal greatness. 

  Do not even play with negative thought, no room resides.  Where does increased experience come from?  More creative, imaginative, true, playful, risky, adventurous. That is where it lies, in diligence and forgiveness, for it is time to move forward and to commit here on out.  Let nothing hold thou back!  For only you may do so.  All has conspired accordingly up until now.  So ask your forgiveness, give your thanks and gratefulness, and search for love.  Make decisions, express yourself, and be free.

  Thought is the essence of your life, either dull and dry, or melting with ingeniousness.  Speak Now!!!  Forever young you may be.  In order to do what you want you must do some things that are required. 

May the sun enter my soul and lift me to a higher place.

Let Jesus, God, Buddha, Mohammad, my friends

All fill my heart with love, laughter, and wisdom.

I believe in the teachings of these people

And I believe that they are united.

Am I stalling or is it all in my mind?  I know that there are things I must do, so never stall.  But it seems there is more I could do!  First wise step would surely be to accept God into my heart.  It seems so late, but it is never too late.  The acceptance only gets more difficult.  Should I have expectations on what will happen?  Such things are courage, strength, wisdom, vitality, love, trust, creativity, and imagination.  God can be of my own creation, my own vision.

COMMUNICATION! COMPASSION!

Haven't done an entry for a while so I thought I'd put another thing Jeff wrote.....

Tip it back for the bravery of your choice to be in the midst of sacrifice, in the presence of something undefinable. The known will only die and rot as we soar toward something NEW. Never

before known . The existence of a tribe eternal. Rhythms guide us into a domain of infinite movement and sight. Soon to be gone the night. Doubt lingers and stains, only to create. What is true and real. Forever more I remember...............................Can I yes. Here we go One thought, One Awareness, belief, trust and love. Hard not to go back and question but who wants to be Pompous????? At times this is righteous Be the person you want to be.  Simply

I LOVE YOU JEFF

MOM

Went to the Peace Rally yesterday, didn't stay real long cuz the wind was painful, if it hadn't been so windy I definately would have stayed longer.....it was totally Jeff, the t-shirts turnd out incredilble and were all sold, thanks Jeff's friend Micah/Mook

Jeff's friend Keith's little sister sold hemp bracelets, anklets, and necklaces that she made with beads, they were really cool.  Thank you

Another writing from Jeff's last journal

I know inside of me lies infinite wisdom of the ages that could easily fulfill these pages. To learn the flow and to trust you know and can show yourself without fear. The day approaches so near, hold the truth dear.

The ultimate creativity is to live Mortality instead of avoiding it

               -ever question meaning of a short life?-

        -may be an escape from the weight and challenge of your destiny

             -live everyday and moment with generous courage.

        -It may be sufficient to be here, to open our hearts, take in what is

           offered, make our contribution and gracefully depart 

I MISS YOU JEFF AND WISH YOU DIDN'T HAVE A "SHORT LIFE"

Love

Mom   XOXOXOXOXO

County attorney called today and the toxicollogy was clean.  Now have to work on getting the car hopefully we aren't expected to pay impound fees!! Since they are the ones that kept the car for so long.

It's a very small sense of closure, the cementary called today too, and the stone is ready to look at the wording and make sure it's spelled right, just not the etching. I won't see the etching until it's in the ground, I asked what if I don't like it do I get my money back? He didn't really answer.

Jeff's friend Micah sent what the picture on the tye dye shirts is going to look like and it's real cool. They will be selling them at the Peace Rally April 20, 2009 3:00-11:00 at Heartland of America Park. It's above on the pictures.

Another friend of my nieces is putting together a benefit concert on

Sat., May 2nd 1:00pm-6:00pm 

Just was going thru another notebook and found another writing and since I have time I going to share.............

Are you going to forget, right now? Tomorrow? about what it's all about? Your highest, truest goals made with mindful of intention to (Fill in blank). The striving you felt deep inside, determination takes over and life smoothly flows. Have you forgotten your joys? Express yourself in this time of wonder and joy. Support yourself and others. No  morale for breaking irresponsibility, committments and affections. If in this moment you feel neutral or negative connection ask yourself "What an I not seeing." And concentrate in yourself and of yourself so that you can expand your being and presence and knowledge to all willing to receive, being your family. Just smile, the joy, passion, understanding shows with every moments fleeting united expression. Entertain no doubts. Only create new routes, express highways leading to the heart of the universe.

I MISS HIM SOOO DEEPLY

Just sittin at work bored out of my mind!! Went thru all the sympathy cards again and read everything, now I'm an emotional mess................luckily I can bawl at work. Just found a CD that a friend of Jeff's gave me at the visitation, Jeff had made it for his friend, but he gave it to me. Listening to it now

They are going to start working on t-shirts this weekend, I am maybe helping Sat. if they need it.

Days are okay but nites are bad, people tell me I should see a counsler, be on anti depressants, join a support group etc. Just not ready yet. I tell my coworkers they are my antidepressants.

Still have heard a thing from Saunders County Sheriff kinda ticks me off, they still have the car, phone, wallet etc.................

The Private Detectives we hired still keep in touch with me, they are both sooooooo great and caring, I appreciate everything Kristal and Deb did to help find Jeff!!!

Sorry I haven't posted much when I get home I just don't want to do anything right now and most the time I don't have time at work.

I LOVE YOU JEFF

MOM

Picked out the gravemarker yesterday going to have the picture of Jeff that was at the funeral etched on to a black granite stone, and it's gonna say "beloved son, grandson, nephew and friend of Ben in life and now for eternity"  "Live simply so others can simply live." 

I hope it turns out, it was a little pricier than I thought I can't even begin to imagine how much those HUGE headstones cost $$$$$$

LOVE YOU JEFF

MOM

Sorry haven't been on in a little while, back to the work grind and trying to keep busy but I'm finding at nite it's not easy.............

I spoke with an Omaha World Herald reporter yesterday just regarding the whole thing hopefully she can come up with a tasteful story, I did not bash OPD just want to add more awareness of things that could and should have been done to have found Jeff sooner, I know it wouldn't have helped finding him alive but just alot sooner..........that's what the whole thing was about "finding Jeff" I or any other parent doesn't have a book for what you do when a child goes missing, and that's what Kelly Kalakowski is trying to do pass a bill, no matter if your child is 20 and can do whatever he wants that there would be steps the police would follow when any person is reported missing ie. notifying NE state patrol, missing and exploited children, cell phone and if you get something from that do a search and if it's in another town/county involve them and the counties around etc..Kelly said she has some senators on board and then at the right before the legislation they back down, she's been trying the past two years. I told her I'd be on board to to a testament or whatever I'm not very politically knowledgable so if anybody is tell me what to do!!!

Since Jeff has a little drug history I think the police just went with that and didn't take it serious even though we (me, friends, relatives) were this is just not him no guitar, no ipod, no laptop, no glasses (which he couldn't see real well without) and the biggest thing besides the guitar were the Grateful Dead Tickets that came in the mail the next week after he went missing. I guess I just wasn't forceful or demanding enough with the police but like I said I don't know the protocol, I really wanted to believe he just took off but deep inside all those clues and he in the past had always told me where he was going even if it was to a friends house, and I have MS (which is well controled) so he was always worried about leaving me, even for college.......I should have listened to my heart damn it!!

I LOVE YOU JEFF

MOM

Here are the pics of what we put at the ravine, but with all the rain and massive winds today who knows what's still attached, make me sad wish it could've been a few days before the elements detroyed it.

We are going to look into how to have Saunders county put up some type of thing to block any car from going in that ravine. Even a person that lives right by it didn't realize the ravine was there. I'm not sure how to go about starting something to petition putting something there but I will find out!!

Been working on the memorials today there are so many and I can't believe how many people wrote thoughts about Jeff...............It is incredible!!!!

On another note I'm a little pissed that I have never received a call about Jeff's cause of death I found out on the news, I haven't even heard from the Sauders county sheriff's since last Wens.!!! Had to call them to get Jeff's backpack from his car cuz it had his most recent journal book that's where I got the journal entry for the front of the program at the funeral. I'm finding out how much Jeff wrote and wrote notebook after notebook and it is amazing. So thinking about having someone write it up and maybe doing something with it.

I have a few people to publicly thank on here DJ and the ATV search team which I haven't talked to yet and also Zach the funeral guy at the mortuary he was incredibly helpful above and beyond, he was also involved with Ben's stuff so he understood Jeff's bond with Ben.

There have been a few things here and there that give goose bumps like the rainbow today and Ben's mom offering the plot next to Ben so they could be together. But the day I went to the cemetery to finalize things I went to Ben's gravesite and was just looking down at it and noticed a tiny little piece of tree bark I picked it up and written on it was BAM (Benjamin Andrew Mellor) and I turned it over and JJ was written when I was talking to Ben's sister about it she said she was there when Jeff wrote on it and I said "when was that" and she said two years ago..........................wow

I LOVE JEFFREY MICHAEL JULIAN

Mom

Visitation: Crosby  3/19 Thursday

   11902 W. Center St.

 6:00 pm - 8:00pm

Funeral:   St. Leo's Catholic Church   Fiday 3/20

  102nd and Blondo

  10:30 with lucheon to follow

We gathering to celebrate the colorful life that jeff julian had lived. We request that you wear BRIGHT COLORS to the funeral to celebrate the joy of jeff's life. peace on earth!

My heart aches for my Jeff thanks for all the prayers and thoughts I found a posting on facebook I thougt was very good so I will leave with this

I thought the vigil last nite went real well, Donna kay did an awesome job and I can't tell her how much it meant to me, family and friends................

My dad and I went around a few places in Fremont today, the gas station, humane society, fremont tribune, Wahoo sheriff department and we did stop by where the car went off into the ravine and it was much steeper than it looked on the news. They have a canine search going on today, which is probably done, looking at swampyer areas. Really don't know much since they can't tell me cuz it's an "on going investigation" and yes that is very frusturating but they also need to do their job. 

It's a gorgeous day today so gonna go home and open the windows and let fresh air in and think and pray Jeff is safe with Montana. Thanks so much to everyone who has been commenting on here, thanks Dave Benson I'll let Matt know you are thinkin of us, Montana is his dog and you know how he feels about his pets  and I do remember you Michelle from the braces and my brothers bar thanks for the thoughts............................

I LOVE U JEFF

Love

mom

Just sittin at my friends apartment in Fremont we went driving around where Jeff's car was found the search team is out again today, didn't stop at the spot cuz news crews were there just can't deal with that right now...................that's all just waiting..........................

Christine

I'm pretty confident this vigil will be different and about Jeff and wishing him on a safe journey and to return home safe and let someone anyone know he's ok. My cousin Donna Kay is leading and has some good ideas.

I added a pic that my brother finally could get to me of Montana it's the best one that shows how big she is. I really don't have any other news, just remember the vigil Sunday 3/15/2009 6:00pm.

Also I don't know if I mentioned on Facebook a friend of Jeff's started a group called Find Jeff Julian and so far it has 654 members I know not everyone is on Facebook so I am going to put a couple things written on there here...............

Nothing new today as of noon, I don't remember if I mentioned they were going to do a ATV search in Fremont last Sunday but the weather was too bad, so the guy said they were going to go out this Saturday.

Christine

Thinking about getting together another vigil my cousin from NC is coming into town and she has some ideas thinking about this coming Sunday but will post of course with details.

"Please, let me lead something while I am there - even if only for our family and for Jeff's friends. I have been thinking about it and I know what I would lead would be nothing like the first vigil. It would celebrate Jeff and it would affirm our hold on him even as he journies....."

The following is something Jeff wrote I think probably Aug/Sept last year it gives great depth and beauty into Jeff.......................Jeff I hope you don't mind I'm sharing this, I LOVE YOU

   Where am I headed?  Truly I am not able to tell you.  The path before me is infinite.  Doubt me not for I have a dream.  And I wish to see it come true.  The truth of our existence is greater than what they teach us in schools.  Most of the learning is rote and its purpose to give our people an apathetic understanding that continues life being lived as we are.  To most it seems the only logical knowledge to obtain.  I see much differently. 

      My dream is not to have a run of the mill job.  I cannot see myself doing any of the jobs to keep this society running.  Bussiness (local, corporate, managerial, salesman, clerk, phone bitch), construction (destruction), mail, services, CEO, delivery, mainstream musician, artist (seemingly more and more corporate and less individual: such as target).  Nature is failing because of our action.  It is a consequence of our way of life and we are responsible.  Most believe as do I that nature is cealry more powerful and will not deal  with us much longer.  Oh the capabilities of man.  Greater potential for beauty equals greater potential for devastation.  Now all this military insanity is going on.  Where is the world headed?  Do I need to stay in school?  Or will something major happen before I finish.

      So many people get a degree and do nothing with it.  Or do not even finish.  Is it possible that I can do this?  That is, music, art, etc, on my own?  I must be able to support myself for food, clothing, transportation, commodities, and other things for music, art, and life.

      College is a ton of money and resources.  Studio art seems like a good opportunity to keep me busy and active in eveything.  Some of the requirements are brain boggling, but I can possibly work through it.  They are for the reason of being a waste of time.  But so is work.  I find it difficult to go against what I feel.  Yet this seems to get me into trouble in that I am making decisions away from accepting the norm. 

      I know I could live without college.  And therefore without loans to pay back.  Moving to Oregon would bring incredible opportunity to my life through the people, ideas, environments etc.  Other people will bring opportunity for music, art, connection, creation, and living.  Moving would cost about a thousand bucks.  And there is still my house to contend with.  It needs to be sold and needs a lot of work done on it.  My Mother would rather sell it as is, but I do not know if that’s possible.  We could talk to Mr Welke.  Leaving here period is another hold up.  I could go through college and then move, but this includes more loans to be paid back and more wasted time.  College is to get you a job, but what I am looking for is not a normal job.  What is it then?  And is it possible? If so, how?  One thing I know is I must get myself to SCI shows if they play again. 

      Keller told me I am a leader.  Only if I choose.  What am I leading and towards what?  People… to make change, within themselves and therefore outseide of themselves.  We need to move towards more action, less apathy and partying.  Only a chosen few are spiritual seekers on the deepened side.  All have this within them.  In order to receive we must give back.  We want to simply have music and for the world to be at peace.  But people are falling… to modern society’s ways, because it is easier and materially more rewarding.  In order to make this change we must remain as a tribe as much as possible. 

      Rainbow tribe gatherings, music, and hip towns.  I was told you cannot think of yourself as unique or you’ll miss what is to be learning now.       

Am I wrong to be fighting (QUESTIONING) this or wanting something different?  

I added a couple pics one was a good one of what the back of his car looks without stickers and then I added a car that has about the same amount of stickers he had on his car, especially the stickers in the window. The new pic of him was taken the end of January we were out to dinner for my nephews birthday. The dog is not Montana but the only pic I could find on Google that resembles her and it's pixilated if you enlarge it. Gonna try make a new flyer with these my cousin is working on photoshopping bumper stickers on to the back of the car, Thanks Donna Kay

And please say a prayer for my 2nd cousin Donnie

Chrisitine

My nieces are in town from Grand Island and last nite Hannah and I were looking at Facebook and Jeff's pictures and she was remembering last Christmas Jeff gave her a VHS tape of Snowwhite (used), and when my niece Arianna opened her gift from Jeff it was a REAL (used) toaster!! It was halarious to watch the joy and amazement they got from that toaster. Jeff is always unique in the gifts he gives they don't cost anything and he puts thought in choosing each gift. I MISS YOU JEFF!!!

I don't know why but today has been difficult, maybe it's the drizzly, yucky, depressing cold weather, just knowing Jeff is out there somewhere and hoping he feels the love and prayers from everyone and that he is warm and safe, and Montana too. I'm scared.

Christine

My sister and I went out to Fremont Lakes today just driving around, there is alot of brush in that area!! Of course didn't see anything.

I also met up with a guy who thought he had a pic of Jeff on his cell phone from Fort Collins, CO, but it wasn't him. I just want to say I can't say enough of how people really seem to be keeping an eye out and contacting other people or the detective, it makes me feel good!

I am told an ATV search team is going out again tomorrow, so lets pray they find something, I really appreciate their volunteer time and help!!

I LOVE U JEFF

MOM

Nothing much today. D

Did get an email from someone saying people think they saw him on 2/17/2009 at a gas station in Fremont. There is video but of course it's not clear so the detective is having a guy work on it to get better clarity.

LOVE YA JEFF

mom

It's been a month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Urgh. 

Haven't heard anything new today I added more pictures and I am going to work on a new flyer more updated, Kelly from project jason did the second one thank you kelly, my sister and I did a amature first one. Try to get the car, a photoshopped back of car with bumperstickers and the dog on there. Then do nother mass distribution which I will need help with. Well gotta get to work on that, thanks again everyone.

I LOVE YOU JEFF   (i just discovered these on entering journal entries)

Christine

Can't believe it's been a month feels like just last week, God Jeff if your out there doing a "walk about" like my cousin said plzzzzzzzzzzz let one soul know. It's fine if you want to find yourself etc. but not knowing where you are is heart wrenching and causes enormous worry.

Fremont was good went to Walmart and fliers were up on both entrances, then went to the diner east of Walmart put up fliers, then drove to Arlington and put up fliers at two gas stations, and a bar/diner that alot of farmers go to, went to homeless shelter everyone was extremely helpful and knew about Jeff and will keep an eye out. Thank you to them and everyone else!! Although the Goodwill out there would not put up fliers or even put them in employee view, I was kinda shocked, Jeff is totally a Goodwill shopper. Coorporate BS I guess

Also on a sadder note please say a prayer for the doctor I work with and his family they suffered a loss yesterday, it hasn't been a good 2009

Christine

I decided to go to Fremont this afternoon and "just look around" I know it's a way long shot but I feel I need to do something...............

Christine

Amy

Thanks for writing in comments can you contact me with email or phone # the police would like to ask just a couple more questions I know it's a long shot, but gotta keep trying, my email is bamjmj2@yahoo.com.

Christine

Nothing new today my cousin in Colorado is covering a bunch of places in Denver and she said she would be going up to the mountains, thanks Jessie.

I added him to another missing person organization the detective suggested.

Gave a guy Jeff went to high school with a list of bands he might be apt to follow, he said he would work on contacting them, thanks Chris.

And thanks for all the comments to stay strong, god it's hard

Take care

Christine

It's hard to keep writing on here when I don't ever have any news whatsoever.

I have to go buy groceries today which will be awful cuz everytime I go grocery shopping I think of what I need to buy Jeff, soy milk, cranberry juice, tortillas, eggs, vegtables, fruit his particular kind of bread....................

This weekend has been very bad for me

I LOVE YOU JEFF

Love,

mom

Thanks for the awsome response to my dilemma everyone, it is extremely appreciated, people are working on midwest homeless shelters, etc. Now we have to look at California which might be a bigger task, I'm thinkin from San Fran on down. Also thought of looking at the singers he liked the most and checking out if they are touring I'll have to have my brother make a list.

There is nothing new to report, Jeff is finally on the National Website for missing and exploited Children, but still not on the National website for missing adults, a couple people suggested the John Walsh thing so we are looking into that.

I LOVE YOU JEFF

Christine

My cousin who has been through this with her son Donnie has all these suggestions and I need help with them I don't have internet at home and I really can't afford it, and I can't spend all my time at work doing these things and I really need to work the two jobs I have, so if some people could help with her ideas and contact places that she suggests that would be awesome, it's just hard for me to grasp on how to get all this done...............here's what she suggests

Given this, the most likely people to have contact with him will be the police, shelters for young people/homeless youth/homeless shelters/hospitals. Have you identified what of each of these there are and put out a fax with a picture, the case number, and information? I would definately do that for the states of NE and CO given his interest in CO. You can go further out from Omaha in a circular area as you feel fit at the time. Or have the detectives do this.

Likely areas where he might show up if he leaves Omaha and gets on the youth trail include Portand, Salt Lake, Seattle, Chapel Hil (actually), FL Vancouver. These areas seem to draw homeless youth. There may be other areas that can be identified by doing some research online. They are not so large a number that you could not include a fax to shelters,police, hospitals, etc in all these areas.

Don't know if anyone has ideas or if this is even possible

Just hoping for some comfort at the Prayer Vigil, thanks for everyone's prayers.

Missing?
Vanishing into the space of oblivion
In earth, sea or sky?
Who knows?
Gone into the wilderness
Of the unknown.
Leaving behind;
Fathers, mothers,
Brothers, sisters.
Bewildered Friends.
Watching, waiting,
Hearts aching,
Eyes peering,
Ears listening.
Minds hoping,
The door will open,
The vanished will return.
Like the prodigal son,
The father will say;
"Come into my open arms,
Oh! Child, how we missed you".

I LOVE YOU JEFF 

Nothing to add, haven't heard anything from anybody.

Don't forget prayer vigil tomorrow at St. Leo's Church 102nd and Blondo 7:00p.m. let's pray like crazy for Jeff's safe return!!

LOVE YOU JEFF

Nothing turned up in the Fremont search which I suppose is a good and bad thing. Me, my sister and my friend Katie went around to homeless shelters today, and down in the south O area dropped more fliers and we were told to go to a place called Home Cafe on 24th and when I went in there the two ladies there said they think Jeff was just there an hour ago eating breakfast, and when we went back later two more people that work there said they saw him this am, they sounded pretty sure, called both detectives and left messages but never  heard anything back. So I like to think these people are right and they said if they see him again they will call. Hard to get hopes up though.

Jeff if your out there please let someone, anyone know, I LOVE YOU

Love,

Mom

Yesterday we got finally got the exact location of the cell tower ping, a call Jeff's phone had received, it was in Fremont so they have a location of the tower and it could have been any where within a 2.6 mile radius so a volunteer ATV search team started organizing yesterday and are going to go out early this afternoon until dark, he doesn't want people coming out there to search just yet, we will keep everyone updated and informed they are a group of searchers that know what they are doing and don't want random people searching right now. They also are may be able to get a helicopter to go up today. Also someone has generouslly donated to fly a small plane they fly on Sunday. That singer Keller Williams is also playing again in Lawrence, Kansas 2/24/09 Tues. at Liberty Hall so we have some emails into the venue and I emailed and email on Keller's website, chances of any contact probably slim but can always hope.

Also trying to get ideas for readings and music for the vigil on Tuesday nite, any ideas are welcome, Jeff is always trying to find his way in what he believes so I'm trying to think of things that would emulate what he is trying to find. bamjmj2@yahoo.com

Everyday is getting harder not knowing, everyday is getting harder not to cry all the time.......plz Jeff let us find you I LOVE YOU

Love,

Mom

A prayer vigil has been set up on Tuesday, 2/24/2009 7:00 p.m. at St. Leo's Catholic Chruch

Just thought I'd share this that Jeff's friend Sara shared on her facebook, I hope it's okay Sara I thougt it was touching and informative.......

The homeless shelter thing didn't pan out, people think they saw him/dog/car etc. the detectives talked to people and looked all around for his car but didn't find anything.

I would like to stress to people if they think they see Jeff to call the police right away there have been a few "possible" sightings but the police weren't called so by the time the "tip" rolled around it was hours/or a day later.

Meeting with a priest today at St. Leo's to set up a prayer vigil for Tues., someone offered to fly a small plane around where the last cell phone ping was on Sunday, and working on getting some type of ground search in Fremont cuz that's where the last cell phone ping was so as soon as I find out I will get the word out.

Again thanks too everyone

I LOVE YOU JEFF

Love Mom

Unfortunately there is no update, sorry still nothing

It will be two weeks tomorrow Jeff plz come back. I love you

Love,

Mom

So went down to homeless shelter and there were possibly 3 sightings in the past two weeks, one with a dog and the person sighted said his car was messed up, other homeless men said they saw the car didn't know what color but there were stickers on the back, they said the dog was big, german shepard, and the color was yellow, blue, green so sometimes you have to take what they say with a grain of salt.

The detectives are deligently working on all these leads, I can't thank them enough for doing all the leg work, and I can't thank my dad enough for footin the bill, I love him.

I'll check in later

Christine

Got a call from my sister today and a lady that works at a homeless shelter thinks they saw Jeff yesterday or the day before so the detectives are looking into that, I just hate to get my hopes up and have it knocked down yet again, we'll see, just hate this waiting game.

I LOVE YOU JEFF

Love mom

I miss you sooooooooooo much and am sooooooooooo worried

Got computer back from Omaha detective he didn't find anything relevant just a ton of music that's it for right now

The detectives got right to work it's amazing what was accomplished because they are able to focus just on Jeff's case. A shell gas station worker said Thursday nite they think Jeff was in, looked at the surviellance and it could and could not be so I'll have to call the Omaha detective so they can enhance the image....I can't believe how places have video but you really can't see details of their appearance. Just talked to the Omaha detective and he said pretty much what you see is what you get...............guess it's not like on T.V.  So another bubble burst...........

To Jeff:

Plz let us know your okay your Grandma Ordway's heart is breaking for the second time in two months she is just sick over this, as we all are. I LOVE YOU

Mom

Still nothing, the Fremont thing didn't pan out. I did talk to a lady that has a organization called projectjason her son Jason went missing 7-9 years ago so she started the organization that guides people through the process, she was very informative and made this new flyer I just put with the pictures.

We are going to check on a singer named Keller Williams (Jeff's favorite) that is playing in Boulder Creek, Colorado tonite, I called the police department there and they said they will see what they can do about checking the concert............

That's all for now again thanks for everyones support

Christine

There hasn't been any activity phone wise since the newspaper article, the police did triangulate the last call to Jeff's cell phone (which wasn't answered) in the Fremont area, so that is a bit of good news they are still working on it, the police have been very helpful and I thank them.

And thanks to all the people who have been distributing flyers and getting the word out I can't even begin to tell you how much that means.

Christine

This is a note to Jeff who has now been missing for seven days with no word to anyone that I know of.

I miss you terribly and are sick with worry, please just give us some kind of sign that your around somewhere!!! I know we've had our problems over the past few months, I do so love you and care deeply! If you don't want to talk to me that's fine but please get a hold of someone......

Papa, Matt, Cassie, Linda, Gary, Syds, Cory, Marc, Seann, Arianna, Hannah, Jacq, Grandma Ordway, Scott, Jeremiah, Robin, your dad, many aunts and uncles, many friends are just a few of the people who are sick with worry whether or not you okay.

Again, Jeff whatever is going on will be okay there are many people here that love and care about YOU

Love,

Mom

thank-you to all, for doing what is possible and needed,  to help, with finding jeffery.  my nephew is missed  so much, and i beleive that, the power of prayer will help to guide him home.  hug's, for christine, &, hold on. and to grandpa bill .

Diane, Robin, Jeremia, Scott, Christine -- we're here to help -- just let us know what you need.  If we can do it, it WILL be done!  I look for Jeff everywhere I go and pray Papa is watching out for him.

Thanks for the updates! 

from aunt robin,  wanting you to contact any one,, of ,all of us. please . because  you are, loveee,  to us.  jeff i have friends , in oklahoma, send  prayers, and hopes . as i also show your picts.

to find you. as well, as in omaha.  sending, come home with love,as we will.   love from aunt robin ,to my jeffersons

Hey Jeff--It's Leslie from Millard North. I'm not sure what's going on in your life right now but please contact your family. You have so many loved ones worried sick about you. I don't know what you're going through but everything is so much harder when you're facing it alone. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Love,

Leslie Mueller

Jeff know that your family loves you. We will not rest until you are home or know that you are safe and happy.  We will continue to pray for your safe return home. I just keep thinking about what a blessing you have been for your mom.  Chris , please know that I am here for you and willing to do whatever I can to help.  I keep spreading the word about Jeff.

Love,

Cousin Michelle

Jeff we are all concerned about you.  Know that we love you and hope you find your way home soon.  Chris, we are thinking of you daily and pray for you and Jeff.  Wish we could do more for you.  Love you both!!

missing your smile, and waiting to see it. plus,  wanting to hear your voice is even better.

i want a hug. and, because  i love you. and we care.

from aunt robin   LUV U....  send a love note, or call to any one of us .

I would like to thank all the help that everyone has offered my family in finding my nephew.  We all miss him very much and hope he is safe where ever he may be. 

To Jeff;  We love you very much and would like to see you return home safe and sound.  Let any of us know that you are safe because everyone is worried about you.  I love you Aunt Linda