phasing out
There is a new blog post about compelled on there now!
Uganda
We took our last MAF flight into Bundibugyo along with Robert and Chrissy. It was amazing scenery - one moment you felt as if you could touch the mountains, then suddenly they dropped out from under us and we looked down into the valley at the beautiful green landing strip! Did I mention that out plane this time was not a 20 passenger, but a 6 passenger? It was a little crazy - and loud - but Samuel did a great job navigating it and getting us there safely!
When we stepped out there were hugs all around from the team! It was a wonderful welcome, and we quickly got in the trucks and drove back to the mission. From that time on we were pretty busy! We visited the marketplace on Saturday with Anna and ate some yummy samosas; we went to the health center and watched as Travis did a few ultrasounds; I prayed for a young girl (and I mean young) who was experiencing a possible miscarriage; we saw a baby - the one survivor of twins- that was born prematurely and at 1 month weighed only 1.7 kgs; we watched as this baby's mom looked on in happy surprise as she was taught how to express milk from her breast and it squirted Travis; We went to Christ School - an amazing secondary school that WHM started and has been improving the chances of kids from this area getting an education that was worthwhile; we played games and laughed til we cried with Travis and Amy (We have already brought that one back to church!); we went with John to see the cocoa plants being harvest and sampled one bean fresh from the pod; we toured the rest of the farms and saw the goats and palm oil; we gazed in awe at the Rwenzori Mountains in Uganda and the range that was beyond us in the DRC just a few kilometers away; we went swimming in an icy cold waterfall coming from these breath-taking mountains; we found a rhinoceros beetle that I was glad was NOT alive; I very carefully entered the bathroom in the Myhres house expecting to see beady little rat's eyes each time (but was pleasantly surprised to never see them!); Shawn rode a boda boda (motorcycle) through the forest to a rural church that he was preaching at; we ate and ate and ate (I LOVE g-nut sauce and rice! mmmm)
Bundibugyo was a fun time to see places and do things that we had not experienced before. As we got to know the Clarks, the Johnsons, Pat, Anna, and new arrival Chrissy, we came to love this team that is spread thin but loving their lives in this jungle in Uganda.
In the coming weeks I will update you on things to pray for with both the Uganda and Sudan team, but if you want a better taste, or want to hear from them, please check out the blogs that are posted on my blog!
On the way back to Kampala we decided to drive so we could get a feel for the country and where we really were. When you fly in and land in under two hours, it is hard to realize how far removed from everything this team really is! But we drove for 3 hours on crazy dirt roads over the mountains to get to Fort Portal for lunch and where we were meeting David, the wonderful driver for the rest of our time in Uganda. In Fort Portal (which reminded me very much of Malawi) we ought some gift for the kids, had lunch, then got on the road again. David told us we would probably not see monkeys since it was mid day and he did not usually see many - but we saw monkeys and baboons for several hours of the trip! Some came right up to the car when we stopped! He was amazed, and we told him how much God enjoys giving us even these little gifts! 8 hours after we started we were in the American Recreation House and sleeping soundly in a comfy bed!
The next day we had David take us to see a few cool things - including the "Botanical gardens" near the airport! It was extremely exciting to see more monkeys - different kinds, and even a black snake! (David was not impressed with the snake!) :)
I am thankful for this amazing time and for the chance to get to know these people in both fields that have left the comforts of home to do what God has asked them. Thanks for all your prayers!
Sudan
To try to put our experiences in Sudan in a blog that would make much sense to read is harder than it seems! I am glad that I kept a journal throughout the trip, since the emotions and experiences in all the places we visited varied so much!
In those early morning hours that I lay awake in my bed in the safari tent that we were sleeping in, waiting for there to be enough light to get up and move about without disturbing the rest of the mission, God gave Shawn and I this verse: Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast [that word again] because he trusts you. In the night when I woke up full of fear, my mind was not on Him. It was on circumstances that seemed less than ideal. It was not trusting in Him, but trusting in my flesh - and in my flesh there is not a whole lot to trust in other than failure, fear, and hopelessness!
The first night in Sudan we floated off to sleep to the sounds of a party of some sort going on next door! I do not know if it was a funeral or something good - it can sometimes be hard to tell if you are not familiar with the language and culture! But I know it lasted all night! Each time I rolled over I woke up enough to realize that there was strange music and singing, I was under a mosquito net, in a tent, in Sudan of all places! Good grief - what was I thinking? :) As usual, God was good, and despite lack of sleep and emotions running high, His grace was sufficient.
We had a wonderful time the night before getting to know the amazing team there a little and eating the most delicious black bean salsa and home made lime chips (Thanks, Larissa and Acacia!) We introduced ourselves and told a bit about our lives, and they did the same - though I admit that thanks to my blog stalking I already felt I knew them!
Our goal on these trips was not the usual work-yourself-to-the-bone goals that we have when we have gone on other trips. We were not there to build something, paint something, teach English, do a vbs, or any other type of typical missions thing. We were there to get to know the team, see the ministry they are doing, and see if we (and our kids) could fit. So much of the week was spent riding along to see what each of them were doing - anything from water projects, teacher training, pastoral training, formalities of ceremonies, church, or just visiting the market! We spent hours talking and laughing and playing games, and just basically getting to know the world there. Getting my butt kicked by 11 year old Liana in dutch blitz was, while admittedly humiliating, a good thing to do so I could picture my own 11 year old daughter here playing and laughing too! Was it possible that life in Southern Sudan could almost take on an air or normalcy?
Michael and Karen are the team leaders, and I felt a wonderful connection with them from the beginning. We spent hours talking through questions on both sides, doing "what if " scenarios, and being real and personal. I loved that they live as if nothing is off limits and just want to be used by God in real and practical ways. I love that Karen admitted she doesn't like cooking and that homeschooling is not always her cup of tea! There was no pretense, and I felt I could be real and honest in all my many failings!
It was humbling to walk through town and not be able to even say hello! You do not know the times I wanted to say "Muli Bwanji!" But I enjoyed the slower pace of the market, the delicious Arabic food we ate at the restaurant, the feel of the relationships that this team has made throughout the whole community in just two years. I admit that I was also happy that the team is at the two year mark, and not the initial stages of cutting through the land, building the houses, being new to the area, and all the other "new field" things! I will be willing to face that should the time come, but a little stability is nice! :)
So we loved our time in Sudan. When the MAF plane came (and we were so happy to see the wonderful Samuel flying again) and we went back to Kampala, it was a little disconcerting to know that the next morning we were flying out to Bundibugyo to experience another week of new people, new language, new culture, and new food. The only thing that was familiar was the guilt and sadness I felt about missing my kids, and once again I had to hand that over to Him!
More on the beautiful and breath-taking Bundibugyo to come...
Africa
Many people have asked about our trip, and I am trying to decide how to write about two weeks in two different countries with an amazing array of people, foods, languages, experiences, and fun! I think this will have to be spread out over several blogs! :)
We landed in Entebbe, Uganda at about 9 at night. It was pretty simple getting through customs, getting our luggage, and exchanging money. The airport was almost empty that time of night other than the people getting off our plane. We came out into the night to find Lawrence, the driver sent from the AIM guesthouse, with our names on a sign. He had to go back into the airport to do something before we left, so Shawn and I stood in the night air, looked up, and breathed in deeply. We were back in Africa.
I do not want to sound overly romantic here...Africa can be dirty, poor, and chaotic. I mean, who knew that the smell of body odor and diesel and the crush of people could take me to a happy place? But honestly, it was like I was feeling my heart come alive again! The sky is amazing in Malawi, and it seemed to be just as big in Uganda. When we got in the car and drove the hour into Kampala, I thrilled at seeing roadside stands, fires burning with people gathering outside to eat, cows crossing the street with no thought to the traffic, and drivers going seemingly crazy but with a casual smile the whole time. I saw advertisements that were familiar - Celtell, Zain, and other cell phone providers. I always found it funny that there was so many ways Africa was cut off, yet even in the bush there was 5-bar coverage!
We got to the Inn and I was happy to see the bed with the mosquito net over it - a common site in Africa. I was tired and felt grimy, and looked forward to a shower and sleep. However, when I awoke in the night, the reality of Africa hit me. Crawling out of the mosquito net and using my flashlight because the power was out, I opened the bathroom door to see the biggest cockroach I have ever seen looking at me and scattering away. Lizards were crawling on the wall and making scurrying noises overhead (I am pretending that was the lizards, ok??) I was exhausted, away from my kids, and heading into the unknown the next day. And I was an emotional mess.
How could I go from such a high to such a low in that time? I did the only thing I could do - I woke up Shawn and had him hug me, then I prayed. I cried out to God to take away the irrational fears of the night, the guilt of leaving the kids, the tiredness of my mind. And you know what? He is sufficient.
I fell back asleep for a couple more hours, and when it was time to get up to get the MAF plane, I felt like I could see things more clearly again. I do not claim to always know what God is doing, but I am learning more and more that as I rely on Him, he makes each step clear. I want to see the whole path, and usually he only shows one step at a time. But with each step he shows, he gives the strength and grace to do what he asks. That night he was asking me to trust him with the bugs, heat, weather, plane trip, and my kids. Some were easier to hand over than others. But I am so grateful for a God who loves me that much!
More on this trip later...
Prayers for Africa!
1. Safety in all our travels.
2. Separation from the kiddos.
3. Clarity in what God wants in our lives and how/if these places are involved.
4. Spiritual protection from discouragement, fear, etc.
5. That we can relax and enjoy the ride!
Thanks! I will update you all and post some pics when we return!
Compelled
It is no secret that we have struggled as a church. This struggle goes back long before we (and even most of the church members currently involved) were here. This is a church that has been on it's "last leg" for 20+ years. When we came two years ago, it was the last chance for the church to make it. Funny how God works.
Having been in a redevelopment church in Ohio that went relatively well (and developed life-long friendships for us) I guess we felt that we had some experience in this area! The truth is, though both churches were on redevelopment, that is where the similarities end. Kinsman was a country church with a rich history of families being there for generations, and those generations worshiping together. It is a small town with traditional views and life that is a lot slower than here in NY. There were issues in the church, but truthfully, after a rocky start, God intervened and the church started healing and growing again pretty fast. And it was definitely God - we had no clue what we were doing! :)
Enter Troy, NY. Small city where most people commute to Albany to work or work at the colleges in town. Busy-ness is a constant way of life. There are few stay-at-home moms and even fewer home schoolers! And the problems at the church were not things that had blown up suddenly in the year prior to us coming (like in Kinsman) but rather from decades of bad leadership. I am not saying this is true of all the pastors previous - but how long do you fight when you are constantly running into a brick wall?
Still, in the last 6 months God has made it clear to Shawn and I and the leadership here that he is not completely done with this church. But instead of doing things our way, it was time to figure out where HE wanted us. Troy is a city with hundreds of churches and only in the thousands of church people. The problem is that MOST of the churches in the area are fighting for those people. It is not even a conscious thing, but it is the truth. We were doing the same thing - and losing the battle in amazing ways! We do not have the manpower, people, resources, money or anything to "outdo" the churches that can run amazing kid's programs, put on a concert each Sunday, and do other things. This sounds like I am making excuses, but actually I am confessing that we wallowed in self pity too long. Then God started to wake us up as we found ourselves in a desperate spot of sink or swim - NOW!
So here is what he has put on our hearts in the last few months: We are church planting.
WHAT?
Yep...you heard me! We have had plenty of opportunities to reach college students and international students. We have a plethora of apartments behind the church filled to the brim with young families. We have parents of young adults attending the church that want to see their de-churched kids back in church. But none of these people see the relevancy to what we are doing in Sunday mornings. We want to reach these people - the ones who do not know Jesus, the ones who are less than excited about church, but are still (inside) hungering for Jesus and to know their purpose!
We already have a building that is paid off. We have a pastor who has lived here two years and has relationships. And we have a core group of people who are praying and on board. God has also provided an amazing worship band in the form of students right now (and Shawn and I, which is just funny!)
So on Wednesday, October 20th at 7pm we are kicking of "Compelled!"
This is our last chance...can you pray for us?
Pray:
1. that we are following HIS lead all the way through this
2. That we fall more and more in love with him and are able to lead others to that spot
3. That The Spirit moves and people in Troy see church not only as relevant, but the actual beautiful bride of Christ that we are
more specifically:
4. We need more musicians - people who are settled into the area and not leaving every year. I love the students, but we need a sold base that will last.
5. For a person to come that Shawn can work with to become the pastor of this church eventually, as we do still feel that we are called to overseas ministry. Obviously we are open to His leading in this.
6. For a worship leader (Shawn wants one with a British accent!)
7. For steadfastness and Spiritual protection of our church and all the people involved in this ministry.
2 Corinthians 5:14 "For Christ's love COMPELS us..."
one week!
I just want to thank all of you who are praying for us and who have supported us on this trip. We now have enough to pay for all of our expenses.
Here are a few things you can be praying for:
1. Safety for our family being apart. Satan has hit me hard with this one this time around. I know the kids will be with grandparents who love them, and it will be a quick two weeks for us, but my mind is going into overdrive thinking of every possible bad scenario.
2. Wisdom for us and our future - in Africa, in this church in Troy, or wherever God has for us!
3. For this church - we are starting a new service midweek specifically aimed at people ages 18-35. There will be a band, more contemporary worship, and preaching, and small group time. This is our last chance to keep things at the church going. We are trying to follow what God is asking us to do and do it with all our heart. The new service kicks off on October 20th with a Night of worship.
Thank you!
truth hurts
First, finding someone that will tell you honestly is not the easiest thing. Think about it - how many people are in your life that will be that real with you? Since I am the pastor's wife, I knew that I would be putting my church family in a weird position, so I decided to ask a few of my close friends and my sisters.
Receiving the answers has not been all fun.
My sisters gave the same answer. It was something that I was not surprised about, but it still hit home. There was not even complete truth to it, but it was what they all perceived, so it still showed something on my part. I am glad that they were honest with me (as I knew they would be) even though I immediately got defensive and made excuses! :)
The answers I received from others were not easy either. I know the truth, and the truth hurts. And is frustrating. Because many of these things are things that I have been trying for YEARS to change.
But it is a good eye opener.
I want to be a loving, compassionate person. I want to be healthy in every way. I want to show Jesus in my living...not just to those outside of the church, but to those already in relationship with Him. I want to be a different person than I am. It's the old Romans 7 issue!
My immediate reaction was trying to figure out ways to make myself better! Be more disciplined, pray more, have an accountability partner, reach out more, etc etc. And all of those things may come into play. But the truth of the matter is this- I can do nothing of any real and lasting value apart from the Holy Spirit.
So Holy Spirit, I am yours. Once again, I realize that I need you every second of every day. And I will always need you until I am with the Father.
Thanks for the reminder.
And thanks for being honest (and gentle!)
Fenelon, Fenelon, and more Fenelon
life and such
I haven't updated my blog, even though I promised to keep you all updated with class, church, and Africa...so I decided I better get on the ball and do it! :)
Class with WHM has been intense. If I am being honest, we have experienced some of the most intense spiritual warfare that we have ever faced over these last couple of months. God is stripping away so many things, and being so exposed and raw is scarey and frustrating. The last couple of weeks I have felt like I am walking around in a fog.
Once again I am going to quote our workbook, because it says it better than I ever could.
"When we think about sanctification, we need to keep a number of things in mind. First and foremost, it is God who sanctifies us. The holy Spirit alone has the amazing power to transform our heart, conquer our idols, and cause us to delight in Jesus. We are not however, passive in this process; we are called to live by repentant faith, humbling believing and receiving the good news. Daily we are to live out the gospel and love others. Every day we need to appropriate the righteousness and forgiveness that is ours through Christ. Each day we are to live out of God's delight in us. As we live by repentant faith, we will have a decreasing confidence in ourselves, and an increasing confidence in the Holy spirit to transform our lives. As we grow, we become more aware of sinful capabilities and expressions of our hearts, while also becoming more aware of the great capability of the Holy Spirit to help us." (Sonship, WHM)
I am still working through all this. I think in my mind before I always lived by the expression "God helps those who help themselves" or that "God expected me to do my part." And I suppose in a way that last one is true...god does have a part for me. It is just not what I have thought all these years. I have been living like the "foolish Galatians" - I believed in Christ for salvation, but have been trying to work out my sanctification through my own righteous acts. In some ways I do feel foolish even admitting this - I have been a Christian for several years, a pastor's wife for 13, and even on the missions field (isn't that where they send the "holy" people?) ;) However, I am just starting to grasp this! And I feel like in it I have lost the part of me that I am most familiar with. I feel lost and vulnerable.
I am so thankful that God will not leave me here. I know that even if I hate the way I am feeling now, it is an answer to my prayer to "show me the iniquities of my heart." (I will admit, I have been tempted to stop praying this prayer! But my desire to know God more eventually overtakes, even if all my motives are not pure.)
So that is where I am at with all that. Feeling like a little child just starting to grasp it all over again.
In the middle of this growth life continues to happen (isn't it funny how that happens?)
The church is still here...we are not sure what the future holds. We have some ideas that we are excited about praying through and looking at more closely. As they develop I will update you for prayer! For now I would ask that you pray that we find where God is moving and hop on board instead of trying to do our own thing,as we have so often done. We have enough left in this body for one more good fight - we want to make it worth the battle.
We started school with the younger two boys this week. Many of you know that reading (and teaching reading) has been a struggle for Andrew. I was honestly dreading teaching both him and RJ. But it has been such a wonderful surprise! Andrew picked up a book and read like an old pro! And RJ is anxious to learn to read, so we are off to a good start. I have been enjoying these two smart, tender-hearted and comical little men that God gave me!
And Africa...well, we leave in less than a month. We have shots done and plane tickets bought. I am excited to meet the amazing missionaries there and see if this is the equation that God has us involved in for the future. But I am admittedly nervous too! I am struggling with how much of this is lack of faith and how much is lack of knowing how to do this! :) We are still over $1,000 short of what we absolutely need for your trip. There is no way we can do this on our own...our savings is almost depleted. Please pray with us for this...both for funding, but also for whatever it is that God wants to grow in me through this!
Thank you for taking time to read this and for your love and encouragement to us! Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my mom's death. I miss her terribly - but not anymore yesterday than I usually do. I miss her in the little things...baking bread and making a piece of peanut butter toast; playing foursquare; watching Little House on the Prarie and crying; catching myself "twiddling" my hair; when my Voice of the Martyrs magazine comes (she loved this ministry!) But God has been and continues to show his love to me in this healing, and I am most grateful for friends like you who bring comfort! God bless!!!repentance...
It has been a stressful couple of weeks for us emotionally and spiritually. I could go into all the details of attempting to buy tickets, kids being sick, doctor's appointments, and all that, but it is not any different than most of you face each day, so I won't bother! The thing I want to write about tonight is our class that we are taking through World Harvest and all the things God is teaching us!
Last week's lesson was on repentance. I am learning that repentance is so much more than saying I am sorry. Motivation is a key thing in repentance - and I realized that often my motives were not pure. I wanted to feel better, change a situation, see different results, get out of something - and in my mind I thought that I could manipulate God by saying I was sorry. Of course, it is not like I never understood all of this before - I have been a Christian long enough to know how to word things and seem more spiritual. But in reality, I was not sorrowing about what my sinning did to God in his great love for me.
I really can't write anything that sums it up as well as part of the lesson, so I am going to take a passage from it:
"...there are two great misunderstandings aout our heart. First, we think too highly of oursleves. We loath looking at our hearts and seeing what we are really like. So we are constantly surprised at how angry, lustful, and hateful we can quickly become. Our response to sin is something along the lines of, 'I can't believe I just did that!' Bottom line: we don't believe what God says about our heart condition. Second, we think that we have the power to change our hearts. So in response to our sin, we make resolutions, or try to impose various laws on ourselves, Since we have a light view of our sins, we think that the law has power to change us. After all, if we only have a minor problem, a few resloutions and laws ought to be able to sort everything out."
That's what happened to me this week. When I blew up at the kids and Shawn after several weeks of being a "good" mom and wife, I was so surprised! What happened? I thought I had gotten past this?! I was surprised by my sin. I have since realized that I though I thought I had become a better person, I had merely set up rules for myself that I eventually could not follow. God used this last week to give me the opportunity to peer into the deep, dark ugliness of my heart and sin. And I shuddered and wanted out. And I prayed, begged, and made all sorts of promises.
Then God reminded me of the prodigal son. When was his moment of repentance? When he ran into the Father's arms. When we stopped talking about what he had DONE and started seeing what he WAS. First - what he was without the father, and then what he was in him.
And I ran.
Hesistantly at first - after all, I was so unworthy. Would he really want me?
But the closer I got, the more I could hear his words and feel his amazing love. And then I sprinted and jumped.
I am beyond thankful for this class that is repeatedly stripping away things and making me become more aware of my ugliness and his intense love for me regardless. I am falling in love with him. I want to live my life as Augustine said, "Love God with all your heart and do as you please."
But I can't. So Holy Spirit, I am yours.
Africa...
Dear friends and family,
Hello to you all! We hope this letter finds you all enjoying the beautiful summer weather! We are loving being out of school and doing all the normal summer things for our family – picnics, Delta Lake Family Camp, Cousin Camp for the kids in August, and lots of time with friends and family! We hope to have a chance to see many of you along the way this summer!
You are receiving this letter because you were one of the many faithful prayer partners and people that supported us during our time in Malawi a few years ago. We returned to the States two years ago and have been in Troy, NY most of that time working at a CMA church here as the Senior Pastor. It has been an interesting couple of years, and God has been working in our hearts and teaching us many things during this time. Though we have loved our church family here in Troy, we have continued to have a longing in our hearts for Africa.
At the beginning of this year we spoke with an organization that we discovered through Urbana called World Harvest Missions (whm.org). We were able to meet some of the wonderful leaders in January while we were in Philly visiting family, and one thing has lead to another with this ministry. We filled out applications to work with them as long-term missionaries, and have gone through the interview process. We then started a class called “Sonship” that is required by WHM to be missionaries. Though it was a requirement, and not something we were excited about, it has been an amazing class, and we have a mentor that is a wonderful, Godly, and wise man. We are learning a lot in this class about who we are in Christ, and how being his children plays out in our lives! The next step was talking with some of the teams overseas online and figuring out where we would be interested in going. We narrowed it down to Sudan and Uganda, and we (Shawn and Heather) will be visiting these two places this fall. We will be going to Mundri, Sudan first at the end of September, then hopping over to Bundibugyo, Uganda at the beginning of October. We will be gone for two weeks and the kids will be staying with Shawn’s parents. (Thanks, Dad and Mom!)
As you can imagine, a trip like this costs a lot of money. We will need to raise money for airfare to and from Entabbe, Uganda (the closest major airport) and for the MAF plane that we need to take to both places. Neither Mundri nor Bundi are cities, and so there is a simple, small air strip for the MAF planes to land. On top of plane fare, we need to have visas for each country, each time we enter and re-enter, immunizations that we did not need to have for Malawi (Uganda is jungle), paperwork for each country, and all the little things that go into a trip.
This is the beginning of raising funds for us. We know that this is not the ideal time as far as the economy goes to be asking you to consider supporting us, but for whatever reason this is the timing that God has given us. So we are asking you to pray and consider how you can be a part of supporting us in this trip, and possibly on a monthly basis in the long term. When we return in the fall we will know better whether this is what God has for us, and we will let you all know at that time what the next step is for our family. Right now we are trying to be patient and take just one step at a time.
If you would like to support us, you can send funds to Green Hills CMA Church (761 Hoosick Ave. Troy, NY 12180). Send it with a letter stating that it is for the Wallace Africa trip, but please do not write that on the check if you want it to be tax deductable. Any amount you can give is helpful, and we will be glad to give you whatever information you would like!
Even more important than the financial support is prayer support. I know that is something a missionary is “supposed to” say…but we remember very clearly the way your prayers were used in our lives while we lived in Malawi. We wouldn’t even dream of starting this adventure without a large number of prayer supporters! So please let us know if you are on board with us this way too!
Please make sure you send back the bottom portion of this letter so we can have all your updated information – i.e. email and real mail addresses, etc.
You can read about our preparation and adventures in this journey on our blog at http://www.shwallace.shutterfly.com . Thanks so much!!!
Shawn and Heather
Heaven is the face...
A year ago this month we started our cancer journey with my mom...well she had actually started it much earlier, but just didn't know it yet. By the time we found out, there was not a lot of itme left to spend with her. Last summer was spent driving back and forth, spending a lot of time with mom and my sisters and dad, and just thinking through some of the stuff that was happening around me, as surreal as it all seemed. I have one particular memory of sitting on the porch with her and holding her hand. She was not yet too sick from chemo or jaundiced and worn out, so we could sit and chat for a while. I remember her saying she knew that she was probably not going to get through it. And though I had thought that, it was hard to hear her say it. Yet there was such a peace between us. Even though we were both crying and wishing that we had more time here, and wishing that we had made our time here on earth more precious together, we also realized that this is so temporary.
I hear that song by Steven Curtis Chapman called "Heaven is a Place" and I can understand what he is saying. "God, I know it's all of this and so much more, but God, you know that this is what I'm longing for..."
Having lived in Malawi for a year, we held the hands of many people that we loved, and sat with them as they mourned for their loved ones that had died. We lost a few people that we had cared for...but not to the extent that I did last year. Now I feel like I am a part of that club. It's not a club that anyone is clamoring to join, but sooner or later, we all become a part of it. Death in Malawi was not considered the worst thing that could happen to a Christian. It was accepted as a normal part of life. Though there was pain and grief (and sometimes very public displays of it) there was also the idea of living each day for what it was...a gift. When you live every day around sickness, disease, and poverty, you realize that every day you see means you have cheated death once more, and that life is precious and temporary.
As Christians we know that it is not really cheating death, but rather being alive in God's plan for our lives - a plan that he had from before time began. I am very thankful for my mother, who was the first person to teach this to me, and continued to teach it right up until she entered eternity.
So as I enter this summer - one that will be very different from last summer - I hold tight to those memories, love on my family, and fall deeper and more in love with my creator each day. And look forward to the day when we are all together again, with no more death, tears, or sorrow. But I also pray that I live here on earth each day with a vibrancy, and a passion for this life that he has given me.
Thank you, Jesus!
Perfectly Loved by Perfect Love
I was going to try to be all dramatic and wonderfully written for this blog, but after looking at my journal, I decided to go ahead and just post what I wrote in it this morning! As you know, Shawn and I are taking a class that focuses on us being sons of God. We have two weeks worth of homework, scripture memorization, etc, then we meet with our mentor over skype. It has been a wonderful month of class so far, and I very thankful for God's timing in it all. Here is what I wrote in my journal this morning:
"Lord,
Could it be true that you do not really desire for me to live a life of in constant fear, guilt, condemnation, and self-loathing? That these really are all pride hidden down deep, because somehow I think I can (or should be able to) "do this thing called life" without you, and when I can't, my pride hurts and I feel like I have disappointed you?
Yet I'm your daughter - your masterpiece - WHOLLY and dearly loved - perfectly loved by Perfect Love.
Somehow I have understood that salvation is by faith alone -obviously there is nothing I can do to earn that. But I have missed that everything else that goes along with it is by faith alone.
I want my motivation to do things to be out of love for You. But this is where I get tripped up. Sometimes, even when this motive is pure (which, admittedly is not often) I get messed up when MY works don't produce fruit, or what I've wanted them to produce. Then, instead of believing that you love me and love that I did something for you (despite the results and despite the fact that you wold love me anyway) I choose to believe I failed in my attempt to please you, and that you are angry and disappointed in me. Or even more - if I choose to purposely sin (which I do sometimes) then you must really hate me and my hypocrisy and two faceness. What a failure I am.
So, without taking away from the fact that you are a holy God who cannot tolerate sin, and without making my own sinfulness a "little" issue (hence belittling the sacrifice of Christ) I have to come to believe that NO MATTER WHAT - regardless of results (and even there are consequences to my sin and actions) You, my Father God, love me in a way that is so much more than I can ever hope or imagine. Discipline, when it happens, is a sign of love. And just because when I discipline I do it in a flurry of emotions (love, anger, disappointment, etc) God is Perfect Love - not me, not human.
But even as I write this and WANT to believe it and live in this freedom (and do more works for you because of it since the fear of failure in your eyes would no longer be a hungry shadow lurking) it is too simple! Too Easy. Don't I have to pay a pennance of some sort?"
Ok, so maybe it is oversimplified in my mind...but as I think through things and realize how often my life is lead by guilt and "I should, but I don't" I realize that freedom in my relationship with Christ will not happen until I start to understand how much he loves me!
Oh, how he loves us...
Your thoughts, ideas, questions, etc??? I would love to hear what you think as I work through all of this!
lifelong learner
Shawn and I are taking a class through World Harvest Missions (whm.org) that is called the Sonship program. The whole class is based on the fact that through relationship with Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit, we are sons (or daughters) of God. Though I know this in my head, and have preached it and taught it and spoken on it, and occasionally even lived it, it is simply a fact of my life that I have more often lived as an orphan than as a child of the King!
We spoke with with our mentor this morning via skype and cell phone, and I am so thankful for him already. He is a wise, humble, God-loving man who wants to help us in this walk. Being a pastor and his wife can be hard, because so often people look to us as this role in their lives (as they should...we are the shepherds!) But we need those relationships in our own lives, also. We have wonderful friends who speak truth (both the hard and the not-so-hard) into our lives. I adore our DS and his wife, as they take their role of being the "Pastor's pastor" seriously and with great love. And we have been blessed with Shawn's parents being Christian examples to us in many ways. But to add another man to that mix makes us feel extremely blessed. And to have him remind us that this is a journey we are taking together is even more important.
So as we start this journey, I am going to be blogging about some of my experiences - both the good and the bad - and I trust that you will be praying right along with us.
"When the time had fully come, God sent his son, born of a woman, born under the law, that he might redeem those under the law, that we might receive the full rights as sons.: Galatians 4:4-5
Love this...
Sit still, my children! Just sit calmly still!
Nor deem these days - these waiting days - as ill!
The One who loves you best, who plans your way,
Has not forgotten your great need today!
And, if He waits, it's sure He waits to prove
To you, His tender child, His heart's deep love.
Sit still, my children! Just sit calmly still!
You greatly long to know your dear Lord's will!
While anxious thoughts would almost steal their way
Corrodingly within, because of His delay---
Persuade yourself in simple faith to rest
That He, who knows and loves, will do the best.
Sit still, my children! Just sit calmly still!
Nor move one step, not even one, until
His way has opened. Then, ah then, how sweet!!
How glad your heart, and then how swift your feet,
Your inner being then, as then, how strong!!
And waiting days not counted then too long.
Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still!
What higher service could you for Him fill?
It's hard! ah yes! But choicest things must cost!
For lack of losing all how much is lost!
It's hard, it's true! But then ---- He gives you grace
To count the hardest spot the sweetest place.
taken from Streams in the Desert - 1925
My friend, Wanda, sent this today via email...she always sends these things right when I am pondering them! Time to find that book!
Steadfast
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Christmas time 09
This Christmas season finds us in Troy, NY still as we continue working with the CMA church here doing redevelopment work. We have recently decided that we need to get “back to the basics” and are focusing on becoming prayer warriors and prayer mobilizers! I won’t get into all the details of the church work, but if you want to be a part of our prayer team, please email us at shawnheather96@yahoo.com.
While we are still in Troy, we are in a new house (are you surprised?) Last year we were living in downtown Troy, and while we loved being so close to everything, it was kind of a crazy atmosphere for our family. We lived in a brownstone, and it was a really pretty apartment, but we wanted a place that would be more suitable for our family. (The college students above, below, and all around us were a little too animated for or family at 4 AM!) So this fall we moved into what my mother-in-law calls a “bungalow!” She is right! It is tiny and cozy, with not a lot of space inside. However there is a wonderful yard that the kids play in constantly, and there is the added benefit of it being a private house! We love it! There is not a lot of room, but we would still love to welcome you if you are in the area...to stay over or just have dinner - our house is always open!
We had a lot of fun family times this year. In the spring we went to Florida with Shawn’s parents, and thanks to some friends, we stayed at a wonderful time share resort in Orlando! We were treated to Disney World and Sea World, and enjoyed that immensely with Grandma and Grandpa! On that trip we also had a chance to go to Savannah, GA to see friends and bring the rest of our things here from storage! We were able to stay with Shawn’s mentor and friend Terry Smith and his wonderful wife, Ruth on the way down. We also saw Shawn’s Aunt Dolly and Uncle Mike in Elizabethton, TN. On the way back we stayed with Rick and Wanda in Toccoa, GA, the O’Connells in Roanoke, VA, then Shawn’s Aunt Linda and Uncle Fred in Philly area! Thanks to all of you who let us crash with you!! Later in the summer we spent a few days at Delta Lake for Family Camp! We will be going back for the whole 10 days of Family Camp this year and hope to see some of you there! It has definitely become a favorite family tradition!
There was also heartache in our lives this year. In June Heather’s mother was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. This was a complete shock, because she had always been so healthy. By the end of August she was gone. Heather was able to be with her at the end, and we were all able to spend some precious time with family during these crazy two months. Thank you all so much for your prayers and support during this time! It is still hard to imagine that she is gone, but we are so comforted by the fact that she is spending this Christmas with Jesus! It gives all new meaning to being “homesick.”
Our hearts are still in overseas missions, and one of the ways that God has continued to ignite and tend to that flame is by involving us in a ministry here in Troy called Horizons. It is a ministry on the college campuses in the area (and there are several) to international students. We are paired up with a wonderful young lady from China named Sun, and we adore her. We have also had many friendships with these students evolve from a cooking class that Heather teaches once a month at the church! We have become friends with students from China, Singapore, Uzbekistan, Pakistan, Columbia, and Denmark to name a few! And what's even more amazing is the missions opportunities we have with these young men and women that are from places we could never go! God is good!
Heather continues to home school, and we keep busy with that and ice skating, pioneer clubs, youth group, and other activities.
We continue to seek Jesus, and learn to hear his voice better! We are learning some discipline about time, money, and material wealth, and God is changing and shaping us yet again. We love you all and pray you have a wonderful Christmas!
Shawn, Heather, John, Anna, Andrew, and RJ
1261 State Highway 7 #11 Troy, NY 12180
(518) 428-0589 Shawn (518) 428-0765 Heather
It's about time...
To catch any of you up who actually read this, in the last few months God has brought me through some spiritual mountain tops and valleys that I was not expecting. You may remember from previous blogs my lamenting about not going back to Malawi, how much I hated the weather, not feeling at home here in the States, my severe lonliness, etc. (I still am not a fan of the weather in upstate New York!!)
Since last Spring God has worked through a lot of those things in me.
At the end of April and the beginning of May our family went on vacation to Georgia and Florida. Besides getting some much needed relaxation and being spoiled by Shawn’s parents, we had amazing fellowship and conversations with friends throughout the trip. By the time we came back, we both felt refreshed- even like there had been some closure (being in Savannah was rather odd for us since last time we were there we had just come home from Africa!) And we came back ready to be the people He wanted us to be here. We started praying and reading scriptures and praying and planning and praying...get the point? He was teaching us a lot about spiritual warfare. It is funny to think we lived in Africa, and yet we really started to learn to put this into practice right here in New York! Anyway...God started working. We saw people get saved this summer at random things like church picnics. We had an amazing VBS that resulted in new kids and families being involved in the church and some wonderful contacts with non-church people. We got involved in a group here called Horizons that works with international students. The idea was that since we could not go all over the world right now, we would let the world come to us! And it definitely has! I have met people all over – Russia, Singapore, China, Australia, Nigeria, Togo, Italy, etc! We “adopted” three graduate students for the time that they are here – one from China and two from Singapore. We will be their family and teach them American customs and culture while they are here! How much fun is that???
I also have come to learn to love Troy, the church and the people here, and to be excited about our time that we are here. I feel God will send us back to the mission field someday – and hopefully to Africa! But in the mean time He has stuff for us here. And I admit that in all of this, we are looking at doing an international trip each year – it is in our blood now!
During all these exciting times we got the news that my mother had cancer. She was diagnosed in mid June, when she went in for a “routine” hysterectomy and was life-flighted to another hospital because the cancer was so aggressive and wide-spread. She started on chemo, and seemed to respond at one point, but she quickly went down hill with a blood infection because of the cancer spreading so rapidly. By the end of August she went to be with Jesus. I was able to be with her the night before she died and then as she passed away. It was an exhausting time, but I was glad to hold her hand and sing to her and pray with her – even though it seemed she was not responsive any more. Shawn was able to preach at her funeral, and gave a wonderful salvation message, which was exactly what Mom wanted.
I am still trying to catch my breath – I can’t believe she is gone. I can’t tell you the number of times a day I pick up my phone to tell her something funny that one of the kids said, or something that made me angry, or just to chat – only to remember I can’t. Any of you who have dealt with grief certainly understand what I am saying.
And now my life goes on...we have rented a new house that we are ial moved in. It is a single family home with a nice yard. The living space is small – smaller than what we were previously in, so we are (once again) simplifying. We have started school for the year, and the kids seem to be in a good groove already – I think we all liked the idea of that stability! We are making new friends, getting the kids program going at church, and meeting new international students all the time! This past weekend we went to Shawn’s cousin’s wedding, and it was a wonderful time of celebration and visiting with family.
And God is good.
Still.
Yesu ndi wabwino.
Waiting actively
This song by John Waller is one of my favorites right now. The idea of "waiting" and "doing" at the same time is a hard concept to grasp! My amazing friend Wanda once said that most people do not understand that waiting on God is not a passive thing, but rather is is a continuing act of obedience (the present perfect tense of waiting...something that happened in the past, is still happening, and will continue). When he says in the song I will run the race even as I wait I realize how little I understand that idea! It is my theme right now in my prayer life and time with God...to teach me what this means, to wait actively, to seek Him out and his will and desires...all the while waiting on his voice, and being still enough to hear it when He speaks! He is overwhelming and beautiful, yet quiet and subtle all in one breath. How complex (and simple) life with Jesus is!
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
