~Everlasting Love~ - simonschindler
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Welcome To Our Site!
Have you ever asked yourself if there is true love out there? If there really is one person that is meant to be together with you? I for myself have never really thought about that until I met my wife. I noticed -after just a short time- that we were meant to be together. The way she makes me feel when she's together with me is just incredible and the love we share is true and everlasting. So this site is dedicated to my wife!
Here you'll find updated pictures and news about us. Visit us regularly and see what we're up to.
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The Meaning of Love
To love is to share life together
To build special plans just for two
To work side by side
And then smile with pride
As one by one, dreams all come true
To love is to help and encourage
With smiles and sincere words of praise
To take time to share
To listen and care
In tender, affectionate ways
To love is to have someone special
One who you can always depend
To be there through the years
Sharing laughter and tears
As a partner, a lover, a friend
To love is to make special memories
Of moments you love to recall
Of all the good things
That sharing life brings
Love is the greatest of all
I've learned the full meaning
Of sharing and caring
And having my dreams all come true;
I've learned the full meaning
Of being in love
By being and loving with you
The Greatest Love Story (Written by Kelly Schindler)
The Beginning
We met in the most unconventional way. It was a love against all odds right from the start. We were both very much in love with different people when we began talking. Our conversation in the beginning usually consisted of each of us speaking about the other people in our lives; what we wanted and how we wanted it. She was beautiful and he was infatuated with her and it didn’t bother me because I had someone I thought would spend the rest of his life holding my hand. That didn’t stop us though, we were comfortable sharing the most intimate details of our personal lives, considering. We met on a friendly adult website that discusses politics and religion and even some fun games to play in their forums. He eventually asked if he could add me to his instant messenger list and of course I agreed. We talked everyday, shared music and our friendship was unlike any other I’ve ever had. I’ve had great friendships don’t get me wrong, but I looked forward to hearing what he had to say because it wasn’t the normal everyday conversation. He talked about his life, the problems at his job which is normal but he also was interested in what I had to say. He believed in me more than I believed in myself and I found myself wanting only to talk to him.
How many cyber relationships actually work out? You see movies on the television about cyber stalkers and children accessing porn sites but you never see any cyber relationships that end happily ever after. The problem with this form of communication is it’s filled with so many nothings, but with him everything he said turned into something that always made me feel special. I’m not talking about him complementing me with cute endearments but the fact that he wanted to share the things and emotions of his life made me feel like I was something, something special to him. Now-a-days you have to be careful what you share with the people of the world, especially over the internet. The battle of good and evil usually leaves victims and I didn’t want to be a victim. Both of us had been through so much in our lives by the time we began talking and another battle wouldn’t help our existence. I stayed guarded as did he and with good reason.
It was nearing the end of March and I was going to a weekend convention for my job and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to see him for at least three days. In the week prior to the convention the energy we shared between us was dwindling and I felt it as soon as I told him. He knew that my boyfriend at the time would be meeting me there in Illinois and started missing me already. I was missing him too. By that time, other than my sister he had become my best friend. Even though I was in love with someone else I still could not keep my mind off of him. That Thursday night I told him goodbye before falling into a restless sleep. I awoke in the morning to a text message on my cell phone telling me to be careful while driving so far. It made me smile, my boyfriend didn’t even call till around noon and I’d been on the road for about four hours already. Right after my boyfriend checked in on me, I received another text message. After thinking about it a while I realized that this is the moment I fell in love with him.
“Imagining you with him drives me crazy.”
Although simple in words, the meaning behind these words drove me crazy too. I loved my boyfriend, so much so that I was willing to give up everything that was me to be with him, but something inside of me when I read these words had not made my heart flutter or skip a beat. These words made my heart stop. Tears instantly welled up in my eyes and I couldn’t help but want nothing more than to be back home in Michigan in front of the computer talking only to him. I even thought about finding an internet café somewhere in the middle of nowhere Illinois just to talk to him, but I continued on. I met with who I thought was the love of my life and had the time of my life. I think its best to keep the details to a minimum here because there was a lot of herbal essence and alcohol involved and there could be something said that could be construed as evidence against me later in life. I continued to think about him during the weekend and he sent a few more messages each pulled at my heart but I had to keep up with the man in my arms at the time. I even lied as my boyfriend asked who it was messaging me, but I didn’t feel bad about it because the messages were completely innocent. I had nothing to feel guilty about. Amazing as the weekend was I was thrilled by the fact that my conference ended early and my boyfriend who was there needed to return home for a few reasons. I knew then that I wasn’t happy with the current standing of our relationship but I wasn’t ready to give up on us. So after everyone left I too left early, well actually it was late Saturday night and arrived back in Michigan around the sun up Sunday morning.
The first thing I did once I walked in the door was to sign onto the computer. I looked for his name on the messenger list and was disappointed that he wasn’t online. I was exhausted, driving all night long and I’d been up for about fifty seven hours straight; I collapsed. When I finally woke up about four hours later I went out and bought a webcam. Why? Because he said he really wanted to see me. Honestly I thought if he’d seen me he would be repulsed and stop talking to me. I had really low self esteem and his rejection would have made a bigger impact on my life. I wanted that he not like me so I could focus on what I had at the time. My current relationship was already rocky and I didn’t need anything that could possibly capsize the boat so to speak. Then I came home and signed on again. Once he figured out what my surprise for him was; I turned it on and there it was.
“What are you talking about, you are beautiful.” His message said. I hadn’t at this point expected to hear that and my only come back was, “stop that.” I began blushing and although I’m easy to blush this time my cheeks could have started the Empire State Building on fire. He had already had his cam for a while; I was intrigued by his big brown eyes and although he was one of the most handsome men I’d ever seen I tried my best not to think about him. I failed. Everyday I hoped that once I signed onto the net he would be there. We began sharing music, movies and all our favorites. Our differences only brought us that much closer together. I love country music; he loves R&B and Hip Hop and we found the grey area and have grown accustom to each others tastes. Then the month of May rolled around and each of our relationships was unstable and breaking apart at the seams.
On May 12, the weekend before my birthday two thousand six I asked my boyfriend to meet me. I wanted to celebrate with him; but it seems that, that request was too much for him. I thought about it the rest of the night and realized that I was allowing him to control me. I was doing everything to keep up my end of the relationship but he wasn’t giving anything in return. I’ve never in history heard of a one sided relationship that worked out and I didn’t want to be one of the women I’d pitied on the talk shows. You know the ones that stay in abusive relationships believing they couldn’t do any better. It’s a sad realization but the next day I wrote an email to my boyfriend filled with a million in one cliché’s of “let’s just be friends.” Less than a week later he had already found someone else. Throughout our relationship I’d told my boyfriend about him and he didn’t say much about it other than he didn’t approve. My boyfriend’s approval didn’t matter to me at all because he made me happy and that wasn’t something I could say about my boyfriend. We officially broke up on May, 14th and although I was sad I couldn’t stay in an unfulfilling relationship.
My birthday came with a surprise for me. He sent me the most beautiful gifts. Once worried about giving personal information out over the net but when he asked I didn’t give it a moments notice. I gave it to him and received the most precious things. In the box was his scent; a half bottle of his cologne and it was a something that would help with our connection. He smelled great; there was no doubt about that. There were also two CD's of music and the most precious ring. Yes, he sent me a ring; he’d asked me to marry him but given our situations I’d thought he was joking. Clearly he was; but the ring was stunning. My heart again stopped and as tears ran freely down my cheek my love for him grew to unbelievable proportions. He was obviously smitten with me and although we’d both said the three famous words I’d figure the love was only on a friendship level. We had fantasies of course even shared a few cyber sexual escapades. Although I wasn’t attached anymore I still wanted to respect his relationship with his girlfriend. They’d been together for five years and now days that is very rare. The main fact was I was in Michigan; getting ready to make a dramatic change in my life and he was in Switzerland living with his girlfriend and brother and our relationship was unorthodox and bound for failure. I was in love with the fantasy of being in love. Our friendship continued; we grew with each other over the next couple months.
Then he signed online one night; I don’t remember the exact date but I could tell by his responses that he was upset. His girlfriend had left him. She moved out without an explanation of why. He however knew why; he knew that she knew that he was in love with me. My heart sank; I knew he loved me too but I didn’t allow that emotion to penetrate my heart because I wanted to respect their relationship; I didn’t want to be hurt and I wanted that he work it out with her because in my mind we could never be together. After I convinced him that he should try and mend his relationship; he did but was unsuccessful. She didn’t want to come back; she didn’t want to work it out. He was right in his assumption; he had fallen in love with me and she knew it and didn’t want to compete. Why should she have to? I’d like to think of she didn’t have the strength to hold onto that much of a man and she just gave up. Although I felt a tinge of regret for our relationship I didn’t want to give it up. I felt the blame; I just knew I was the cause of their demise. Of course it was a little too late but I refuse to see him anymore; we didn’t talk for a week.
After that I felt the need to hear something; to know he was okay because he wasn’t the last time I’d spoken with him. Selfishly I sent an email to him and he returned. My email just asked how did he do with winning her back and his email back floored my once enlightened heart. I was hurt. My email set off our first fight. It was not something I expected to hear from him but he said it was my fault that she’d left. I had inkling that it was true but to take the whole blame wasn’t something I was ready to do. It couldn’t have been all my fault. I’d told him when we began talking not to fall in love with me but he did anyway. He’d said he’d only had a little love for me; his heart belonged to his girlfriend; now his ex-girlfriend because of me. I’d told him countless times during our conversations that he should spend more time with her and he assured me that she was fine with us talking. I wasn’t convinced but I enjoyed our time together so I didn’t drag it out. Needless to say we exchanged some horrible words with each other and didn’t speak for a while. It wasn’t until then I told him that I’d broken up with my boyfriend; I said in the heat of the moment hoping that somehow it would make him feel better. I’m not sure whether or not it did but we were both now single and further then ever from each other. A friendship that was once so precious was gone and I’d never felt so alone.
I went about my life; working, living, and in my free time I signed on to play various games and participate in the discussions at the website we’d met. After a few week; just before my sister and I made our way across country towards the biggest change of our lives he showed back up. He’d had some time to come to grips with his broken relationship and when he first came into the chat room I immediately left. I didn’t want to even think about the torture or stress either of us had been through. Finally life seemed to get back to normal and then he came crashing back into the room. Cyber stress caused my tears that night but I didn’t let it take me down. The next night I was back in chat and when he arrived I didn’t allow him to run me out of the room. I’d been apart of that site longer than he had; I’d also become apart of staff for the site and I couldn’t leave every time he showed up. I wasn’t going to let my once normal life be disrupted over this so I stayed and halfway through the game he sent me a private message apologizing. I told him everything was fine. My responses to him was as short has his once had been. He asked to speak with me again on messenger and although I didn’t want to; I was compelled to talk with him again. I no longer wanted to feel the loneliness I was experiencing at the time and agreed.
In the beginning of what I’d like to call our actual beginning we didn’t talk with the ease we’d once had. The comfort level was still present but unstable and a bit scary. I didn’t want to be hurt again; not by him especially because I held him in the highest regard when it came to us. He still had those amazing brown eyes and although I wanted nothing more but everything to be the same it wasn’t. Something between us had changed and I wasn’t sure I could ever feel the same way about him. Another month passed and I realized that our conversations had expanded into more than I’d hoped for. We were back to normal even more so being single brought us closer together. Although I still knew in my heart that we’d never be together I couldn’t help but love him. Yes of course he loved me too but I wanted him here with me. I knew it wasn’t going to happen at least I knew it wasn’t going to happen anytime soon but that is what I yearned for.
June, 29th rolled around and this was the night we were leaving Michigan. Why the move? Simply said it was a calling. I’d always wanted to live in the South but I never thought I would go so far west. But the beauty of Arizona was where I wanted to be so that is where I went. I had to go because I needed this change and he helped me to face my fear. He believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself. He sent me an email just before I left and I read it with tears in my eyes because I missed him so much.
It took a while for me to accept my love for him but finally on August 1st I did. The next day, August 2nd two thousand six I agreed to be his girlfriend. I was in love with him and there was no reason to fight it anymore. I didn’t know whether or not it would work out and although I hoped it would, I didn’t believe that we’d ever meet. After the day we made our commitment to each other our relationship took on a whole other level. We were a couple; a cyber couple who’d hope to one day make it real. One of the most precious things in the world to me right now is him reading. With his sweet accent; his speaking voice drives me crazy. His love for me is unbelievably beautiful and the first book he read to me was “The Notebook” it’s our favorite and the greatest love story until now that is. This is only the beginning and the next chapter begins somewhere around the end of June. Till then remember love can build bridges across oceans, I know because there is one between mine and Simon’s heart and it’s bringing him to me… This is our year. And this is the end of this chapter of our lives and Until Chapter 2. We’ll be seeing you…
The Ultimatum
We had a second fight not too long after we became an official couple. Because our relationship grew to new levels with each online conversation I continued to yearn for him to be with me. He’d always dreamed of living in America and I wanted nothing more than for him to be here. The fight started as I told him to come home. Home is here with me of course, this is where he belongs and my yearning for him to be with me grew. Of course monetary obligations kept him on his toes, living day to day, paycheck to paycheck and although that is also the way I live I still had no doubt in my mind that he is what I wanted. I’d never had a relationship that I knew if I got my arms around would last forever. With previous lovers I’d only stayed out of fear or possible obligation, but with him, we’d never even touched and I’d never loved anyone so much.
He didn’t have the money; he needed a new identification card, passport and airfare but didn’t have the money for any of it. He lived with his brother who didn’t help out with the everyday finances of life and so he had to pick up all the slack. Of course I didn’t like the fact that he allowed his brother to keep us apart along with other circumstances. I wanted him to stand up to his brother and tell him that he had to pay half of the expenses so he could save money to come home to me. I wanted him to get what he needed so I could get what I needed which was him. He is my only need. Our relationship continued to grow but this fight seemed to keep us at a stand still for the moment. I couldn’t help but love him more everyday but on the other hand I couldn’t help but feel helpless and fighting with him seemed to not help anything.
So here we were, in this relationship that had stalled with no agreement in site and because of my selfishness I didn’t want to continue in this direction. Why be in a relationship that would never go anywhere? Why be so wrapped up in a man when he would never “officially” be mine? I loved him like no other, and wanted nothing more than to be his forever but here we were, starring at each other through a computer screen, touching nothing but air and thinking of nothing but the future hoping it is with each other. It became so stressful and was eating me inside that I thought it would never happen. Things with him were beginning to feel like they had in previous relationships. In my mind when he wasn’t talking to me online he was out with other women, these thoughts destroyed me. On the other hand when he was with me talking and laughing, this time destroyed me to because in my mind that is all we could ever have, that is all we would be. Is there even such a thing as cyber relationships? Can we continue to carry the label online girlfriend or boyfriend? We did, but I wasn’t happy with that, and I don’t think he was either.
I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat but drank coffee like water and smoked cigarettes like a chimney and although not healthy I continued in that direction for almost two weeks. I’d lost 27 pounds in that two weeks and although the weight loss was welcome the chest pains and the tears was not. I was up one night and decided to end our relationship because honestly I couldn’t help but be distraught with our current situation. When I signed on that morning my mind was made up, it was either he come home to me or we never see or speak to each other again. That was my decision and he couldn’t change my mind for that fact so that is what I told him, and signed offline so he didn’t have the chance to talk me out of it. It was one of the worse days of my life, it went on forever. Being offline didn’t help me any, and trying to pass the time only made life that much harder. I couldn’t pull my mind away from him, I’d try meditating, it didn’t work, I’d try climbing mountains, although great exercise didn’t work either. That night I still couldn’t sleep, so I sat up, I read, I wrote and still through my best efforts he was still there in my mind.
The next day I took the chance to sign online, he was there and I signed off again. I spent the day not knowing what to do. And thinking I made the biggest mistake of my life with telling him it was over. Another day and I signed on and there he was, no matter what time it was he was there waiting for me, or at least I’d like to think that was what he was doing. The third day I signed on and he was offline so I stayed online, I checked my email and received one from him:
“I lie awake and can't sleep, because you're not here. You are so far away and I can’t see you. I miss your face, I miss your smile. I can’t believe, but it’s so empty here. I’m listening to Rascal Flatts because I know you love them, and every time when I hear the music I can feel you next to me. You smile and I smile back. I touch your face and at the same time your soul and I know you will forever be my darling. When I write with you I can feel butterflies in my tummy, and when I see you I’m speechless. We belong together, I can feel that and I know you know it too. My heart is yours and I will always love you."
After reading his email I didn’t know what to think. I wanted to talk to him, but didn’t know what I would say. It was true, I had his heart and he had mine and nothing I tried seemed to work to take my mind off of him and at that exact moment he signed online and said “hi”. Just a simple “hi” and although not very endearing I still didn’t know what to say. I built a wall around me, high and stable trying not to let him in any more than he already was but with each word bricks began breaking away and he spoke, he told me he loved me, he told me he wouldn’t let me go, he told me that the future was ours and that we needed to be a bit more patient because he decided that he would do anything to come home to me. He worked hard everyday, through sickness, snow and heat just to make the money to get to me. First it was the identification card, then the passport and with every new thing he got a bigger step was taken.
In August my ex-boyfriend showed up at my door. He looked great, a bit underweight but still not a bad looking guy. Seeing him somewhat made my heart a bit sad honestly because I thought for a while during our relationship that we had the attributes of forever but like so many before him, it wouldn’t be so. I was happy with my current standings with Simon, I loved him with all my heart but being patient had taken its toll on me. I spent the next two days with my ex. We did some hiking and he set up his drums and played for me, we were enjoying ourselves but I was still thinking about the love of my life, so far away.
On the third night after I’d set my ex up in his apartment, a small and shabby shack built on the back of a house about two hours away from my apartment, we were sitting there drinking and smoking something more than cigarettes. A buzz had us laughing at everything on the television, talking about times in the past when we were happy together. And that is when he leaned in to kiss me. On my lips I could feel his breath tainted with a hint of whiskey and weed and as it got stronger I backed away. I couldn’t allow him to kiss me, I wouldn’t allow it, I was no longer in love with him and if our lips ever touched again it would absolutely devastate my boyfriend. I didn’t let it happen, I couldn’t let that happen, we were so close to being together I wouldn’t do or let anything happen to compromise that.
My ex and I got into a heated argument. His only point was that I still wanted him, and although “being horny” might constitute love to him, I knew that it was only one part of love, and not the most important part. Love to me means so much more. It’s the sun shining in the dark of night from the eyes of the one you love and that night it was dark, so dark I couldn’t see. My love for him wasn’t true love and my mind was only on the man of my dreams. I could barely even debate my point which was that I was in love with another, and he had his chance to be with me but someone else stole my heart, and had we still been together I don’t think we would still be happy because this man, the man of my dreams took form over a computer screen and then walked right into my soul without any barriers to break down. How he broke through my wall with such ease I’d never know but he was there and there was nothing I could do to stop that. I don’t know why I was so hurt that night but when I left his apartment in the early morning hours I never wanted to see him again. Everything that ever was between us I threw away and buried so I wouldn’t have to even think about him. It seemed to work because now, a few months later I rarely think about him and my heart doesn’t break if I do. I only think of the good times and wish him well in his life.
I’m not even sure I told my boyfriend about that, how my ex tried to… well honestly I don’t even have a name for it. He didn’t want me back, he had a new girlfriend, he just wanted sex and I happy to say I was strong enough to pass on that open-ended opportunity. My boyfriend would be proud of the way I handled myself being that I was always such a pushover, at least I’d hope he would. Our relationship, Simon and I continued and finally to dispense the tension we were experiencing he decided on the day June 27th. He would be home in time for our first anniversary which would take place on August 2nd. Finally there was some clarity to our situation. Things began looking up. Our conversations began flowing with ease, as they had previously. If at all possible I think I fell in love with him even more. With our deeper connection and constant closeness we prepared ourselves for the future.
The holidays weren’t happy that year, I was alone and scared and wanting to be with him, to be with family at least or my best friend and sister who had made the move to Arizona with me but I got through them. I began sleeping a bit better, and eating great and life seemed to balance itself out a bit. We got anxious about our meeting, we talked about everything. We built our future, our children, our home in our minds and hearts and built on it each and everyday. As May rolled around and the countdown was still going even my sister was getting excited about him coming home.
He told me one night about how he had to defend my honor. Although I was certain I would back away once again from our relationship I didn’t expect to try and break it off. What happened was I found out that his brother, the one whom lived with him wasn’t deeper than expected. He yelled and screamed and acted like a complete and total jerk to Simon because he was leaving. He was jealous and he realized that he needed his older brother because without him he would have to grow up. I backed away as I suspected, but I backed all the way. I rebuilt walls and tried my best not to sign online but by that time I was completely fallen and although I wanted nothing more but him to be home with us I felt selfish for confronting him with an ultimatum. Basically I told him he had to come home or it was over, now he was coming home and I felt we were farther apart then we’d ever been. I was regretting our relationship and so I made the decision that him losing his family wasn’t worth being with me and ended the relationship.
I said it was over and we didn’t need to talk about. There was in my eyes nothing to talk about. Moving to America shouldn’t cause so much ruckus in one’s family, and I wasn’t going to let that happen to his. But his brother’s efforts to make him feel bad wasn’t the problem, the real problem was me and my decision to make all the decisions of our relationship. I knew the problem but wasn’t really able to admit defeat. I continued to back away and build walls around my already stolen heart. He didn’t back away, in fact every little step I made away he’d make two forward and didn’t let me get away. For that I’m grateful, for that I’ve learned that life isn’t always about me, life isn’t always about right or wrong but how we handle ourselves when face with it. Life for “us” was just beginning and sometimes an ultimatum is needed in order to move us forward. I’m just lucky that the outcome of the decision embraced change and jumped started something that will never end.
The Meeting
In the last week of June our countdown was coming to an end. At the end there were smiles and dancing hearts because both of us were anxious and excited at the same time. I’d made the move back to Michigan from Arizona and in that last month we didn’t get to see each other as much as we’d hope to before the internet was set up. I’d found us an apartment to share with some in laws, a decision I would later regret and the only reason we made the move back. We’d set up as much of the furniture we could lug back to Michigan in a small trailer and it was home. Not really home, Arizona was home, Michigan was just an obligation I would have to take care of for now. And although it was exhausting things needed to be done because his homecoming was only days away.
For the life of me I can’t remember his flight number now, but before we, my sister and I left Michigan at midnight June 26th, for a ten hour drive to New York’s John F. Kennedy’s airport I made sure we had all the information wrote down and we were off. With no sleep for that past two days we were exhausted and even with the cool air of our travels we felt like we couldn’t go on but we did. We drove for the ten hours and after getting to New York, where the drivers were less than courteous our excitement grew even more. Along the way in Pennsylvania I asked Julie to drive because through enervation my eyes begin seeing things in the road that wasn’t there and I didn’t want to take the chance of getting us hurt or possibly killed. I fell asleep almost instantly with my feet up and my head back, it was a few hours but I woke up to here Julie say: “Oh fuck”. I knew immediately that she’d did something, and sat completely up when I realized that she was being pulled over. Doing 92 in a 65 an hour zone was 200 dollars we’d never get back. The officer was nice, asked where we were heading and we told him to pick someone up in New York. He asked that we slow down and said although he would like to just give us a warning it wasn’t possible because of the excessive speed. Julie was angry, I could tell, but things like this happen, we wanted desperately to get where we were going so we could get back and start our lives. After my sister was pulled over I couldn’t sleep and I really wanted to make it there. Surprisingly we were re energized once there in New York about three hours later and although driving through Manhattan wasn’t thrilling and much like sticking needles in your arm for hours we couldn’t wait till we actually got to the airport. Honestly the last hour was the worse, we knew it was exciting that he was coming home, the love of my life would finally be in my arms but it seemed every time we saw a airport sign it would be another ten minutes before we seen the next.
When we arrived at the airport overly stressed, overly exhausted and anxious it took ten minutes to find a parking spot which was a little surprising with him coming in at one of the most popular airports in the United States but we did. Was it a sign that “we” were meant to be? I don’t know but we were running late. For the brief hour or so I asked my sister to drive, speedy got a ticket. The Pennsylvania officer was very nice but the two hundred dollar fine wasn’t. He told me in one of our many conversations that its possible that he would be in the customs line for about an hour so I added that time onto mine which gave me about 45 minutes to spare. I was wrong, when we got inside the airport there were many people standing around looking for their rides. It was like every other airport, big and open, a lot of air was there but it was almost like I couldn’t breathe. I thought as we were walking into the international terminal that possibly it was all a hoax and that he wouldn’t be here. We’d never be together, it was just something we wanted but would never get. The passport, the identification card, the ticket was all just an elaborate lie to get me to admit how much I loved him and wanted to be with him forever and after his ego was stroked so hard and high he wouldn’t be here. This thought was horrifying and at the least a big over exaggerated but still it was what came to mind, but by having it I did realize that I loved him and wanted to be with him forever. I was even relieved at the thought that he might not be there because with all of this excitement it was also scary to meet him. Would I be enough? Could we ever live up to our cyber fantasies of true love? Would we even like each other after we meet? Everything was moving slow as people smiled while we were walking in. There weren’t as many people as we expected inside, there were a million and one standing outside though. And as we stepped through the doors; slow turned to an even slower and I said to myself, ‘he’s not here’. And as if I’d said it out loud, Julie said, “There he is”. I turned to look in the direction she was looking and our eyes met for just a brief second because I turned away. I was relieved that he had shown up but also scared, and with confusing thoughts migrating their way through my brain my body began to tremble. We didn’t know what to say or how to act, I couldn’t look into his eyes and my body was shaking so bad, I could only hope that he wouldn’t notice.
“Have you been waiting long?” I asked.
“Yes I’ve been standing here for almost an hour.” He replied.
“I’m so sorry; I didn’t mean to make you wait.”
“No I’m just kidding baby, I haven’t been waiting long.”
“Stop that.”
Stop that had become like a catch phrase in our relationship, either I was saying it to make him stop complementing me or I was saying it so he wouldn’t stop either way it was said a lot. But we smiled and finally he said ‘come here’ to Julie. We’d planned out our meeting, even envisioned it in our minds, now that we were here things weren’t going as we’d once described to each other. They hugged for a long time, or maybe it was just my imagination because things were still in slow motion. But then he looked at me, straight into my eyes and smiled, and as his arms wrapped around me and I inhaled deeply. His cologne was intoxicating, his embrace was all at once, charming, tight and soft and then it was over. He’d spent more time hugging my sister than me; he didn’t even kiss me. He needed to use the bathroom, so he grabbed his suitcases and was about to walk towards it when I stopped him and told him to leave his bags there. We didn’t need to use the restroom and we weren’t going to steal his belongings, he just didn’t know what to do. Turns out he was just as anxious and excited as we were. After he walked away to go to the bathroom, my sister and I were talking about him, talking about his eyes, how mesmerizing they were. Talking about how much different he looked then through a computer screen, and of course we meant in a good way. I giggled a bit as he walked away because he bounces as we walks, yes I said it, he bounces and its about the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. When he finished and bounced back toward us we took his bags and headed for the car. We talked about the driving in New York, and about speedy, which is her new nickname getting a ticket. We talked about whether or not he was excited. He asked if he could smoke in the car because he was dying to have a cigarette, I replay this over and over in my head as we began driving again.
As we began driving I would peek back into the back seat, his eyes so big and brown were starring up at me. Sometimes he would look out the window like a child in a candy store or shopping for toys, his fervor lit me up inside because he was experiencing a whole other part of the world. I’d always wanted to travel, to see different parts of the world, Asia, Switzerland, Europe but I wouldn’t fly, I have a massive fear of flying, I use to watch planes and create stories in my head of where the passengers were going and what they were doing but I never would have the courage to actually get in a plane myself, that was something I was sure of. So I just dreamed, and here he was experiencing life through the eyes of an American, although New York wasn’t exactly the area I would have wanted to see, at least not this part of the city he seemed to not have a problem with it though.
He sat in the back seat, he’s looks so big back there, his eyes were glowing and a bit red but every time I look in the rear view mirror I think of June 27th and his eyes starring back at me. He’d wink as he did occasionally over the computer and I’d be overcome with redness. The blushing became a familiar part of our relationship, I could make him blush a few times with words but never the ways he can make me blush. We had to stop for gas about every two hours and on our first stop after picking him up as we were waiting for Julie to finish paying I moved my arm around his waist and told him how great he smelled. He returned the compliment saying: “oh you smell great too baby, I want to fuck you right now!” as he squeezed tighter. I pulled away as my body trembled more, and the tingling between my legs instantly made my panties wet. I blushed for an hour straight, not allowing myself to look in the rear view mirror. When I finally looked back his eyes were there, one side of his mouth reaching up into a smirk. He was smiling; he loves to see me blush.
We drove for over 16 hours, I’d printed some reverse directions out before we left which took us a totally different way then we’d came and we got lost. We got scared and we begin stopping and asking strangers for directions back home. We spent seven hours trying to get back on track and although scary, now I wouldn’t trade that time we spent in the car. I got angry as we got lost because Julie was telling me ways to go and we were so tired that we couldn’t think. As the sun went down it began raining, and gas prices were too high and with all of this going through my mind I was ready to strangle someone, I didn’t want to be in the car anymore, I didn’t want to even think of a car. My body that trembled so much a few hours ago wouldn’t even move without any extra effort.
As we were nearing the 5 a.m. mark I was seeing people running, keeping up with the car on many occasions bicyclist pulled out in front of me, but I didn’t slow down or turn the wheel because they didn’t have faces and I knew somewhere deep down that they weren’t real, but I couldn’t let my sister get another ticket so I wouldn’t let her drive. The hallucinations were driving me crazy, and the over tiredness turned into so much more than just being tired. I couldn’t even begin to explain the exhaustion I was feeling. It wasn’t until we crossed the Michigan state line that I caught a second wind. The sun was coming up again, and Michigan never looked so beautiful. He was sleeping in the backseat for basically the entire trip home and with his feet he would tickle me from behind; I ignored it or at least tried to because I didn’t want that he stop.
We finally arrived home at about quarter to 6. Moving very slowly we grabbed his suitcases and helped him carry them up to our bedroom. After a few awkward minutes Julie decided to go to bed and we lay down next to each other. He stared straight into my eyes, and smiled as I whispered, ‘welcome home baby’. I smiled back, nervously and intoxicated by his cologne. Apparently the exhaustion took a back burner to my desire to be closer to him. We talked, and although I don’t remember now what we talked about I do know it was one of the best conversations I’d ever have. Every conversation, even when we fight turned out to be helpful in someway, communication skills will never be our downfall, like it is with so many other people’s relationships.
As we lay there, smiling and talking silently finally the moment would arrive. He leaned in and kissed me, soft, wet and smooth. Our bodies simultaneously shivered as our tongues danced, intertwined and perfectly fitting together. A kiss that I longed for, for close to three years had finally arrived and I lost all track of time and space. There was no one left in the world, it was only Simon and I laying there on a bed in Michigan quietly contemplating making love through our tiredness. I moaned softly which at this time was the signal for I want more because that is exactly what I got. We made love for only about an hour and a half that night but it was the most incredible love making experience I had to date. It was romantic, sensual and trusting. The way he made me feel was beyond comprehension. Our first night came to an end with us falling asleep in each others arms.
When I awoke the next morning much to my surprise he was still there. I’d thought I’d just be dreaming, however vivid as it was, I thought I would wake up and feel even more lonely then before he’d arrived, but he was still there. Beautiful brown ovals hiding and twitching behind their tanned shield and I was wondering what he was dreaming. I’d only slept four hours but it was more than just sleep I felt relieved and refreshed. I stared at him for about an hour before he would wake up himself, he smiled. And I closed my eyes not wanting him to know I was watching him sleep. I was incredibly happy, finally after so many heartbreaks I’d found my Prince charming and he was here sleeping in my arms.
First Anniversary
We spent the next two weeks getting to know each other better, if that was even possible, but still blissfully happy and after one fight already I realized that I was really in love. I was absolutely head over heels for him and through everything, the arguing, the fights, the breaking up and making up, and even through distance we surpassed all expectations and we were there. Love cannot be defined, and that is pure fact. So many have tried but there are no words to describe how much you love someone, there are no gestures or actions that can show how much care, trust or express the belief you have in the person you know you are meant to spend the rest of your life with. We were there, making everything work, and although it seemed everything else around us was falling apart we held each other up. That is pure love.
Our anniversary was coming up and after he’d told me that he would be coming home soon I began planning something special for him. He drew a bunch of puzzle pieces that spelled out our names and fit together perfectly, just like us. We talked about doing a tattoo with it but never really made plans to do it with him being so far away. My nephew here in Michigan who is also an artist recently starting training himself on tattoos and I decided to give him a try. By the time we got to Michigan he would have had close to a year of training and I believed that would be sufficient enough to give him a shot at putting one on me to see his technique and final result before he did the puzzle pieces. As our anniversary was coming closer I kept reminding Richard of what I wanted. He was reluctant at first because ‘names’ are considered labels and labels are usually a sign of ownership and tattoos last a lifetime but I knew what I wanted and either he could give it to me or not. I choose Richard for two reasons, he’s family and could use a little extra cash, and by using him I knew I could get an incredible discount. We aren’t yet financially stable so it was my best bet. We would wake up on August 2nd and I would take him downstairs and Richard would be there, set up and ready to do the tattoos on both of us. A gift of love and commitment that would fall short. Like so many other people in my family Richard let me down. He didn’t have the materials he needed because he’d used his monthly supply on his friends. So here it was two days before my anniversary and I didn’t have anything planned. I was angry, angrier then upset because I’d planned this to the letter and it seemed since we’d been back in Michigan everything, of course other than my relationship was falling apart.
So I had to think of something else. I didn’t have any money so it would be hard to just go out and buy something. I would have liked too even if it was just something small, but that wasn’t an option. Our favorite movie is “The Notebook”, I was going to give him a notebook where I fill it with words and poems and letters and pictures, somewhat of a scrapbook of memories up until that point in our lives that would could add to as they came in, but that would take time and with him being in the same house wasn’t an option. So it was back to the drawing board. My favorite writer Nicholas Sparks wrote “The Notebook” but he also wrote “Message in a Bottle” which was the book he was reading to me over the phone. So I decided to make him a message in a bottle, I bought a nice glass bottle and wrote some of my feelings for him down on cut out paper and placed it in it. It was a message that clearly stated how much I love him, as much as I could explain it which is hard because love isn’t definable. My sister was clearly planning something with him behind my back, and although I knew it was for our anniversary I didn’t want anything special but to be with him. I had him and didn’t need any gifts so little by little as they plotted and planned I got a bit angry. I don’t know if they seen my anger, as I tried to hide it but it was clearly visible. With all of their planning I thought my small gesture of the message in a bottle would be mediocre and wanted to do more so I planned as much as I could.
The night was finally here, my sister dropped him off where he wanted to go while I showered and got dressed. I straightened our room and began preparing the surprise. Julie came home and started cutting out the paper hearts which would hang from the ceiling at different intervals and sizes with ribbons and balloons. A beautiful red candle was strategically placed on each of our side tables and lit. The lights were out and there was red and pink confetti thrown about the room. It was a romantic scene that I pictured in my mind but hadn’t seen in real life yet. After I was dressed and my sister received a phone call we were ready to go. She put a blindfold on me once we got in the car and took the opposite way to the park, which she knew I would know by following the turns she made. She made circles in the parking lot and then she started “ohhhing” and “ahhhing” and saying “oh my god”, and my heart started pounding.
“Take your blindfold off and look to your right,” she said.
I took it off after a minute of trying to catch my breath and looked to the left. I didn’t know my right from my left and she laughed at me, when I looked to the right my heart stopped beating.
I don’t even remember saying goodbye to my sister as the scene was so clear and beautiful. The weather was warm and humid as I got out and walked toward it. There were candles lit and placed in a heart shape that glowed in the darkness of night. Inside the heart were a blanket and soft music playing and wine and fruit. It was amatory as he stepped out behind a tree with a letter in his hand. He began reading after coming close and kissing me softly. I’d promised myself not to cry, no matter how mushy he got. But I was overcome with emotions as he read:
"One year full of love, smiles, tears and patience past and I want to say thank you. Thank you for all the beautiful smiles you brought to my face and the amazing thoughts you gave me all day and all night long. The connection we got from the very first moment is something I never expected. To be that close to each other also when thousand of miles were between us. The strong feelings deep into our souls and the tenderness brought us closer together than we ever thought. The way you love me is just indescribable with words and so do I love you. In our lives will I give you what you want, what you need and what you deserve. I wanna make you as happy as you make me.
To be next to you, to feel, touch and smell you, is the best thing in the entire universe and I never want to miss just one second of it. You, my princess, are all I was looking for and all I ever wanted. you managed it that I became a better man, a man who loves you more than anything in the world. you showed me what's wrong and what's right and made me what I am today. Through days and nights were you on my mind, gave me energy and protected me from nightmares in the night.
As beautiful as the flowers on the top of a mountain and as beautiful as the sun when it brights the earth, are you when you build your lips to a smile. When your hair blows in the wind like a bird who spread his wings and I can hear your beautiful voice sweeter than the sweetest symphony, do I know that dreams come true.
Thank you for being such a unique and amazing woman, thank you for loving me that much and thank you for being in my life and make it so valuable.
With all my heart and soul do I promise you to love you forever and ever, infinity and beyond!"
We sat down and enjoyed some wine and strawberries. There was a cake and sandwiches and grapes and a night I never wanted to end. We talked and laughed and ate and relished each other for the time we had. When our time was up together we packed up everything and waited for Julie to come back and get us. After driving home I opened out bedroom door to the scene that I’d created in my mind. It was breathtaking, confetti, balloons and a big piece of cake in the middle of the bed. When he turned around and I saw his eyes glowing in the candlelight and his smile was bright, his hand was grabbing his heart in a gesture that led me to believe that I surprised him. With not a lot of money we’d still managed to take each others breath away.
He opened his gift, with the message, and in a separate box I’d placed a lot of chocolate kisses with a note that said: ‘This is a box of kisses, but unlike these my kisses will never run out’. That night we made love till six in the morning, the sun was already on the rise again before we fell asleep in each others arms. I’d mentioned before how great the physical part of our relationship was, but it was even more unbelievable on our anniversary. We talked we laughed, we took breaks in between our love making rounds, we moved slow, we moved fast, and most importantly we said; “I love you” over and over again the whole night through.
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1/29/2012 9:58:48 AM
