Rats, I missed posting an update of month four with Miles home! When March 3rd rolled around I did mention it to Casey but there wasn’t a formal celebration. Each day with Miles is special and it often feels as though we’re celebrating when in actuality we’re just living this life with a 15 month old who grins sunshine.
By now I can say that if I had a nickel for every time Miles has bumped his sweet little head on something really hard during the last four months, we’d be rich. Rarely does he cry about it but he very distinctly stops, rubs his bonked-head for about seven seconds, then gets right back to raking the carpet, kicking his soccer ball or monkey-ing around on the couch as our dogs scramble out of his way.
He is getting his 8th tooth, another one on the bottom. Each day I ask him to show me his teeth (the old dental assistant in me kicking in) and he very willingly opens his mouth as I inspect his teeth and count them aloud. He’s a big fan of toothbrushes and when guests come and forget to stash their toothbrushes completely out of his sight, he absolutely will borrow it! Most people don’t really care to share their toothbrush with anyone, let alone a 1 year old who kisses the dogs, licks the sliding glass door and eats Goldfish crackers he finds in the couch cushions. Sorry Uncle DJ J I do think his brushing habits are great and I pray he continues to care for his teeth throughout his life! Dental work is spendy!
On March 31st Lisa, DJ and Megan arrived for their Spring break and stayed with us until Easter Sunday. It was so fun to have them staying with us, getting to know Miles. Shy at first, he warmed up by the end of the first full day and was in and out of their bedroom to say hi and check out the treasures in their suitcases.
We swam with the dolphins – for me it was more like ‘near the dolphins.’ I kind of freak out at swimming in open bodies of water and had flashbacks of Matthew McConaughey in Failure to launch – the scene where the “seemingly friendly” dolphins swim away with him as he struggles to get away. He does get away and only suffered a few teeth marks (no big deal…yeah right!). Anyways, I’m sure the likelihood of a dolphin swimming away with me is pretty unlikely but I think of that 1% chance and just get weireded out… The experience was fun and Casey, DJ and Megan were all really close to the dolphins during their encounter.
Also while our guests were in town we hit the beach several times; collecting shells, soaking in the sun (me with my SPF 70) and watching Miles rake the sand. (He’s really into kiddie-size tools these days). We swam a lot and talked about how swimming in the Pacific or Puget Sound this time of year would be frigid…the water’s cold even in the summer months back home! We tried explaining this to Miles, about how he shouldn’t get used to the warm temperature of the Gulf but I don’t think he gets it quite yet.
Miles has a canned laugh that can get a room full of people roaring. He can do the same with fake coughing and sneezing “Ahh-T!” he says for a fake sneeze….and then we laugh and then he starts his real laughing and the cycle repeats because he realizes we’re all laughing too.
I try to keep the baby-talk to a minimum. The baby-talk phrases that I do use are so ridiculous that even I laugh when I say them and so does Casey. For example – Me saying to Miles, “wanna new di-pe and have a ba-ba and go ni-nis?” (Translation, “Miles, do you want to have a new diaper, then have a bottle and go to bed?”) And then Miles responds in his very chirpy tone with, “HUH?” It’s plain as day and then we all crack up because I may as well have just asked him in a normal sentence rather than my baby babble J And why am I asking him anyways? If he could say the words to respond, I bet I’d get a big fat “No thanks mom, I’d rather wear this soggy diaper a little while longer so that I can play.”
Last Saturday DJ and Lisa treated Casey and I to a dinner cruise and Casey’s cousin Megan stayed home to babysit Miles. This was the longest we’d left Miles and about mid-way through the cruise I had to fight back the tears and swallow the lump in my throat because I was missing my son. I wasn’t worried about him at all, I knew he was in really good hands but I just missed him! He’s an amazing little person and totally has his momma‘s heart.
On a different note, I’m reminded of how life changes in the blink of an eye. This week our family has had good news, really bad news and some are just starting new chapters in life. One friend (who may as well be a sister to me) just brought home their daughter from Ethiopia! I love news like that because bad news is broadcast every day! When crud happens in your family or in the lives of dear friends it just strikes a different chord; one that’s really off pitch and painful to hear. Frustration swells inside of me and I try to find answers. Then I’m reminded that we’re not promised a perfect life, we’re not promised perfect marriages or perfect kids (or kids at all for that matter!) We aren’t promised perfect jobs or perfect figures or perfect ANYTHING! The good news is that in Christ there is hope and in Christ there is grace. Knowing the love of Jesus Christ doesn’t mean being perfect, it means we get to strive to love others in this broken-world and we get to learn about forgiveness and apply it. When you put your trust in the Lord, he will absolutely be with you each step of the way.
He’s been with this often unruly brat through her sassy teens and college years. He’s been with me through the darkest hours (YEARS) of infertility and he gave us hope when we were hopeless. He gave us joy and excitement for a different plan for our marriage and our life together.
Right now, I pray for our sons-yes, I know there will be more, I just know it! And I wonder what God is up to right now in his preparation of the next chapter. I pray for those I love who have cancer and don’t know how much more time they have. I pray for those I love who have been lied to and face divorce. I pray for those I love who are old and lonely. I pray for those I love who are experiencing the gut-wrenching pain of infertility. I pray for those I know who want to adopt but feel overwhelmed by the very thought. I pray for those I love who are flat-out of money and need jobs. I pray for those I love who struggle with addictions. I pray for those I love who deny you, God. Humbly yours.
Today we celebrate the three-month mark of Miles being home with us! What better way to start the day then getting up at 6:00am and then going out for breakfast! (Miles’ internal alarm clock goes off anywhere from 6-6:15 each morning). So out to breakfast we went and Miles had a scrambled egg and fruit, Casey indulged in a Surf ‘n’ Turf omelet and I went with the classic early-morning-gut-bomb; biscuits and gravy. We were all stuffed by the time we finished and Miles made friends with people nearby as we paid the bill and headed out the door for home.
We came home to lounge and planned to go for a run together around 9:45 or 10:00. Miles wandered around the living room bringing me toys; just doing his normal routine and I decided to relax on the couch. Casey was in the kitchen paying bills when we heard a very loud thud (this is a common occurrence with a one year old boy whose curiosity rivals that of Curious George). Then we heard Miles’ cry and as I sat up from the couch Casey said, “Tana, he’s bleeding!” Casey picked him up and headed to the kitchen sink to check out the cut on Miles’ forehead and to get something cold on it. It was in that moment we uttered the words no parent really wants to think about saying, “So do we take him to the ER or is this cut something we can manage with Band-Aids?”
We continued to hold him and gave him a bottle to sooth him and then Casey took a picture of the cut and sent it to his dad for advice. (His dad is a Kent Firefighter with years and years of experience with injuries, wounds, etc.) He asked us some basic question about the cut, its size, how deep was it and if it was bleeding a lot. The cut is about an inch in length and didn’t bleed for more than a minute or so. It wasn’t too deep either. Miles stopped fussing once we had a cold washcloth on his cut and we ultimately decided to manage this on our own. I went to the store for butterfly bandage strips and we topped it off with a Sesame Street Band-Aid.
Since then Miles has had a big lunch and dinner. He’s been right back to walking all around the house, in the stroller for a jog, poking his head out the doggie door to watch the rain and playing with his toys happy as a clam. He doesn’t even seem to realize he has the butterfly strips and a Cookie Monster Band-Aid on his forehead. In fact, I know he’s bonked his head several times since the earlier one and it seems as though the incident that scared me and Casey, didn’t faze him at all. I decided to put his Sock-Monkey hat on for some extra cushion which I know is helping to protect his owie from further bonking.
Just about 28 years ago (I have no idea the exact date…) my mother held me in her lap as she drove our Ford 12+ passenger van from our Green Valley house in Auburn to Valley General Hospital for what would be one of several hospital visits during my accident-prone toddler years. In that instance I’d woken up in the middle of the night and walked to the bathroom but on my way, I walked my soft little forehead into the corner of a wall. The scar is still a reminder to me that accidents happen and sometimes those accidents involve a handful of stitches and other times a Band-Aid will do.
Our adventures with Miles continue and with the bumps and scrapes that are inevitable, come the oh-so-rewarding snuggle moments and kisses. I love those times when Miles run to me from across the room just to give me a hug (even then he is prone to stepping on a book that sends him slipping across the carpetJ).
To sum up three months of Miles: chatterbox, music-lover, curious, adventurous, hugging, kissing, head-bonking, book loving, food connoisseur, singing, dancing, twirling, Skype and FaceTime expert, growing, drooling, jogging-stroller-passenger, toy distributor, attention-getter, laugh-out-loud silly, best eyelashes ever, cutie pie, fun, big-bellied, loveable...and I’m just getting started!
photos included ;)
We have so many pictures of Miles, hamming it up and feeling wonderful about life. Just as you might imagine the pictures we don’t take (you’re welcome) are the ones of blow-out-poops that require an outfit change in the middle of grocery shopping or the disappointed-hurting-crying when Miles bumps his head on the kitchen table for the millionth time.
We’ve also never captured photos of Miles in the midst of his nap-time-crying-fit (again, you’re welcome). Join me as we enter the often, not so dreamy world of naptime (pun intended). For the first month or so Miles had taken his naps fairly easy. We’d had a few days that were hard for him to settle down but eventually he would drift off. Recently for about a seven day streak, both morning and afternoon naptimes were a battle. We tried dropping one of the two naps for just one but soon found out that wasn’t the problem…or the answer. Then we reverted back to two naps a day. He would drift off to sleep after a nice back rub and singing and then somehow he would sense that we’d tip-toed out of his room and into a screaming fit he went. Read the last sentence and repeat at least three or four times and you get the picture. I was really annoyed at myself that I couldn’t do this!
The reality check is that we are parents to a one year old and we have our own ups and downs just like every single parent on the planet. Miles didn’t arrive to us understanding or speaking English, he didn’t arrive potty-trained and he didn’t know that we’d be putting him on a schedule of at least 11 hours of sleep at night as well as taking two naps each day. He doesn’t have a halo and as cute and lovable as he is, he is a baby with a mind of his own who is growing, teething and just being a baby.
After a few (lonely) pity parties, I think I’ve finally figured out that just because he was once an orphan and now that he lives a pretty good life here with us, doesn’t mean that he’s not going to go through all of the normal things that one year olds go through. On top of that he is continuing to learn and understand that we are his parents, for good and that he is here to stay.
I’d been so hard on myself thinking that I should be this super-hero of a mom because my son was left alone in a field one day and ‘why I can’t get him to take naps already!?’ I had myself thinking that I should never, ever be annoyed when Miles cries at nap-time, wipes his slobber in my freshly-washed hair, or touches things around the house we insist he leave alone. I am human and just as Miles is adjusting to life with us; I am adjusting to life as a mom which really means that I’m seeing how much I have to change and adjust too in order to be a good mom to Miles.
Miles eats an occasional dust bunny or bite of dog food he finds on the floor. He ends up rubbing his head after eats breakfast leaving egg and strawberries in his curly, catch-all hair. He is a toddler! I’ve got to let myself off the hook because he isn’t perfect and neither am I. And yes, I have dust bunnies. We don’t have a maid (not a hired one at least) and there are piles of clean laundry sitting on the kitchen table. I haven’t run a vacuum across the carpet in over two weeks. As I admit these things I’m reminded that just as much as it annoys me when people say, “oh you adopted him, you are such a saint” it feels just as ridiculous that for over two months I’ve held myself to that “saintly” standard. I feel like such a moron.
Miles is a joy to me and I cannot imagine life without him. With the newness of being a mom, I sometimes feel so ill-prepared. But after a tear-filled conversation with my sister Erin who encouraged me and prayed with me, then Casey reminded me of all of the ways I’m a wonderful mother, I’m deciding to let myself off the hook. Sure, we all have hard and frustrating days and we just have to do the best that we know how to do. Casey reminded me of how good I’m able to make Miles belly-laugh. Casey is remarkable and keeps me encouraged when I’m being hard on myself and he is absolutely the best man and father I know.
Nap time has gotten much easier as this week has progressed. I’ve followed Casey’s pointer on staying in Miles’ room quietly for just a little longer and it has made a world of difference.
I love this baby boy, oh my goodness I love him so much I could cry just typing about how much I love him. I love being Miles’ mom, and that includes the chaos of life that is inevitable. Last night I held him and we danced around the living room to a country song and I thought about how falling in love with Casey was bliss and now loving Miles too…! “my cup runneth over.”
Today is a special day; Miles has been home with us for two months! In a really good way, it feels like he’s been with us all along. Miles is just such a blessing to us. He is walking, jabbering non-stop, and pointing out our noses, eyes, ears and belly buttons when we ask him. When he reaches for something he isn’t supposed to touch (like picture frames or the dogs’ water bowl) we tell him “Miles, no touch.” In the past week when we say that to Miles, he very nonchalantly retorts, “Hi!” As if a sweet “hi” erases the fact that he is doing something he knows he’s not supposed to J
He eats like a teenage boy. Each morning he has some type of fruit (bananas, blueberries, strawberries) and almost always has a scrambled egg. He feeds himself these things since we cut them into bite-sized pieces. For lunch he likes ham and cheese, leftover pasta, fruit, yogurt; pretty much anything we present. The same goes for dinner, he eats what we eat and we just cut it up for him.
Miles drools, all the time and the under-chin area of all of his shirts are damp within minutes of us dressing him. That’s a fun part about having a baby, getting them dressed. He has so many cute things that he’s been given or handed down and looks especially handsome in his Husky gear (thank you Wendy!) He also looks adorable in his blue and white striped overalls and hats are super cute on him too.
I use cloth diapers most of the time. When we had guests I didn’t because I just wanted to simplify. I think it may have grossed them out (next time I’ll just go with the cloth diapering thing and they’ll probably reminisce about the good ‘ole days when they cloth-diapered their kids or how they were cloth diapered themselves) J When we do the whole cloth diapering thing it works pretty well. Number ones, cloth diapers are a cinch. Number twos sometimes make me want to get a garbage bag and take my whole heap of cloth diapers to the curb. I’ve stayed with it though, Casey on the other hand has not converted (which is fine by me) and when he changes Miles he puts him in a disposable. Miles doesn’t show signs of caring either way. I like to think that Miles somehow knows that his cloth diapers, in some way, are best.
He sleeps from around 8:30pm until 6:30 or 7:00am and typically needs a diaper change in the middle of the night. He loves his daddy and swirls his arms around excitedly when Casey gets home for lunch and at the end of the day.
Miles’ favorite song is by Gungor, The Earth is Yours. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4EPnM62O8A&feature=related I think the intro on the xylophone is something he identifies with since he has one too. The moment the song starts, he is on his feet, clapping, bopping his cute little head and singing. It is adorable!
Miles is affectionate, we are so grateful for this. I think this comes naturally to him for a few reasons. One being that the nannies in Ethiopia loved him well and showered him with hugs and kisses. Since Miles has been home, he’s probably received a trillion kisses and hugs from us. Now he knows the words hug and kiss and shares his affection with us too. Normally a kiss from Miles is accompanied by about ¼ teaspoon of teething drool, but it’s 100% worth it. A little baby drool never hurt anyone, right?
For Miles’ first birthday he received quite a few neat gifts, one of which was a Melissa and Doug tool-kit set, complete with a wooden hammer. This set is awesome and something he was drawn to immediately. Casey said, “Give Miles about 30 seconds with that hammer and I bet one of us takes one in the face.” Wouldn’t you know, moments later Miles happily crawled to me, hammer in hand, and nailed me (no pun intended) in my forehead. It instantly drew a tiny dab of blood but it sure did swell into a knot in a matter of 2 minutes. We had a good laugh about that and joked that the set needs to come with a hard hat.
Since Miles has been here with us we have had six visitors in the following order: my sister Erin in December for a week, then John and Charlotte in January for nine days, and then Laura, Lisa and Cindy for an extended weekend. We don’t have any guests staying with us so far in February. The Sigurdson’s are coming at the end of March through Easter, then in April we’ll be meeting up with the Olson’s in Orlando for Miles’ 1st Disney experience!! My stepmom may be in the area in the spring as well. Beyond that we don’t have any other guests on the books but I know some of our family members are hoping to get down here to meet Miles. Hotel Robbins’ isn’t a bad place to stay!
Life is good, the only thing that would make it better would be for us to be back in Washington! We’ll be there before we know it and until then we’re just sweating it out in sunny Florida ;)
Miles has been home with us for 24 days. Our arrival in Florida was tear-filled as me and Miles snuggled into daddy’s arms. From that day on, the three of us have been getting to know one another and we’re discovering the ins and outs of parenting while Miles explores (and tastes) every square inch of our home.
Miles’ first week home was mostly an opportunity for us to see him in action and to understand his eating patterns, diaper-change-frequency, his needs for sleep and finding each and every opportunity to intertwine our love and affection into all of this newness.
During his first week home we visited our pediatrician here in Florida where he was weighed and measured and we were told that from the looks of things, he is in good health other than confirmation of a slight ear infection. The following week we had the pleasure of collecting stool samples over three days and eventually found out that he has Giardia (a common parasite that we’re treating as directed by his doctor). Don’t worry, he is fine J
Miles does not seem fazed by much at all. His ear infection brought occasional fussiness for the first week or two but for the most part he has settled into a steady routine. He is sleeping at night without interruption or only one short time of being up in the night and we change him, snuggle and put him back to bed. He’s slept in his crib from the start and he does well with this. Naps are in his crib too. He naps in the mid-morning then again in the afternoon for at least an hour and a half. Miles is in bed by 8:30 at the latest and up between 7-8am. I get up with Miles in the night when he stirs, and Casey gets up with Miles in the morning. Having the conversation about who is getting up with the baby in the night vs. in the morning really helps (my sister pointed this out, thanks Erin).
Miles is a funny boy and responds with giggles to our chanting, “where ya goin’?” or “I’m gonna getcha!” as he army crawls across the floor. He’ll typically scoot away then look over his shoulder at us to make sure we’re following him in this game of chase. He laughs a lot and it can’t be stressed enough that regardless of something being funny or not, he finds humor in most situations (we love this about him).
He refuses to wear socks for any length of time. We are constantly putting them back on or just giving up in what seems like a silly battle to win…we are in Florida and our house averages an indoor temperature of 72 degrees so I’m sure wearing one sock or no socks is fine. Oh, and once he’s remove his sock(s) he typically proceeds to put it in his mouth, what else would one do with a sock lying around?
Miles is everywhere and super-fast. Today I was making some wreaths out of this lovely southern-creeping-weeping moss and Miles was literally a half a foot behind me in his walker. He was clanking his toys together to create music then the clanking stopped but I didn’t think twice. Thirty seconds later it seemed too quiet (the kind of quiet that parents learn is scary, creepy or precedes a visit to the ER). I turned around and he was standing on the tray of his walker (I’m pretty sure this is why these rolling devises aren’t widely sold these days.) Our Miles, this silly-goose, had maneuvered his way next to his high chair, parked it and pulled himself out of the seat, onto the tray so that he could stand on it and ultimately climb to the tray of his high chair. This is where I caught him, just before the high chair came into his plan. I turned and said (very loudly in shock/fear) “MILES!” and he laughed, quite satisfied that he’d monkey-d himself onto such a wonderful perch. This ladies and gentleman was one of many moments in the last 24 days that I’ve uttered the words, “Miles Robbins, you are a busy boy!”
So there you have it. We are the proud parents of one very happy, very silly, very comical, teasing, laughing, wiggly, busy, peek-a-booing, army-crawling, carpet-licking, dog-kissing, furniture climbing, tickle-loving baby boy.
November 24th, 2011
We celebrated Thanksgiving, just the two of us. There is so much to be thankful for and we don’t take for granted all that we have been blessed with. The day was quiet and special and began with us sleeping in then heading to Starbucks for a little taste of home. Our dinner was nearly perfect, except for the fact that we weren’t sharing the day with family but we called home to our parents and siblings and skyped with some of them too. With pumpkin pie in our tummies, we headed to bed.
November 25th, 2011 2:30am
Having an IPhone is great although it had turned me into an obsessive email-checker at all hours of the night/early morning. The US Embassy in Ethiopia would be contacting us via email to let us know the status of our case. It was this morning, the morning after Thanksgiving that I woke in the very wee hours to see if an email had come in. Rubbing my eyes and checking my email from my phone, while trying not to wake Casey (who each night suggested I not bring my phone to bed) there it was, the email that meant I could wake Casey up and tell him it’s time to go get Miles. The subject line read, “Clearance-Robbins.” We sat up in bed, cried together, prayed and thanked God for this new reason to be thankful and then preceded to text a few people in the middle of the night. Liz was still up and she called me and we cried together. Then I called mom who was up already although it was in the middle of the night for her too (she’d been up praying for our adoption).
The email from the Embassy needed a response with our three preferred embassy appointment dates for the following week. By now it was around noon in Addis and we didn’t know quite know how to respond because at this point they may not respond back to us until Monday and if we had requested to be seen at the Embassy on Tuesday we would not have time to make travel plans and get there. We felt stuck and somewhat helpless. We just wanted to get there to see Miles and bring him home. Needless to say, we didn’t sleep much and I ended up responding to the Embassy requesting our preferred appointment of Wednesday November 30th, second choice was Thursday December 1st and our last choice was for the following Tuesday, December 6th. I sent the email and hoped we would hear back before the end of the day that Friday. I waited and waited and no email came back to confirm a date. That morning around 9am, our agency called and informed me that another family was in the same dilemma. She arranged for a three-way call for us to talk and ultimately she suggested we make travel plans and get to Ethiopia regardless of not having a confirmed appointment and she assured us we would be seen at some point during the week of the 29th-2nd. That was all we needed to hear and Casey quickly jumped into the process of pricing flights for Mom to meet me in DC and had made firm travel plans for both me and mom by noon on November 25th. The day ended with packing a bag for me and another for Miles and then we headed to bed, exhausted and excited that Miles would be home in one week.
November 26th
We were up early and Casey drove me to the airport here in Panama City, we hugged and said goodbye and my heart was heavy departing without my best friend. I checked in then headed to my gate and prepared to wait an hour and a half for my fight to Atlanta when a Delta representative bumped me to the next flight which was leaving in about two minutes. I boarded the plane as the last person on and since the Delta gal hadn’t actually told me anything about departing on this earlier flight, I wondered if I was even going to the right place and if anyone had checked that my ticket was for a later flight. I was so confused but 45 minutes later I was in Atlanta and waited a few hours before boarding the next flight to Washington DC. Upon arrival in DC I picked up my luggage and caught a shuttle to the hotel Casey had booked. I ate dinner there then returned to the airport a few hours later to pick mom up. She arrived on time and I cried when we met and hugged. I’d missed her the past month and was happy she would be joining me on this adventure to bring Miles home. From there we picked up her luggage and took a taxi back to the hotel where we dozed off to sleep near 1am.
November 27th
Mom and I were up at 7:15 to get to the airport by 8am so that we could depart on Ethiopia Airlines at 10:45. The flight was long and we both napped on and off in hopes of arriving without feeling too exhausted.
November 28th 8:00 am
The pilot announced we would be arriving on time at 8:05am in Addis Ababa. Mom and I peered out the window and I was quickly consumed by emotion knowing that I would see my son in just hours now and that I wouldn’t be leaving him this time. The plane touched down and everyone applauded, including us. The entire trip I wanted to inform every nearby passenger that today was the day I’d get to see my son. I wanted to take over the microphone that the flight crew uses to make a little announcement myself to say that our son is coming home with me in a few days!!!! I didn’t though and the flight attendant urged everyone to stay seated until the seatbelt sign was turned off. The announcement didn’t stop most everyone from getting up and reaching for their carry-on bags. I imagined myself standing up, grabbing my back and climbing over the shoulders of those in front of me, elbowing my way over the first-classers all the while saying, “excuse me, sorry, I’ve got to go get my son!” Instead I waited my turn and mom and I departed and headed to the Visa line. We waited a half hour or so, received our Visas then cleared Customs and lastly stopped at the carousel for our luggage. From there we had our bags scanned by security prior to leaving the airport in what felt like a very chaotic battle against our luggage and those shoving us to get their bags scanned too. We made our escape and found our guest house driver holding a sign that read, “Casy Robbins.” I figured “Casy” was close enough and that they really meant “Casey.” The nice man took our luggage and led us to the Toyota van where we piled in with other guests for the same guest house.
We arrived not long after 10am and our friends the Dunns and Julie S. were standing on the patio of the guest house. They didn’t know we were arriving then and were actually waiting for the driver to take them to the Thomas Center to get their children. It worked out perfectly for mom and me to drop off our luggage, grab the diaper bag and ride with them to the Thomas Center.
A half hour later we’d arrived and unloaded. I briefed mom on how to take video with our camera and she followed me inside to capture this special moment. There he was, as handsome as ever. The nanny offered him to me right away and I cried and kissed my son and he seemed to just stare at me, taking in the moment too. We stayed there for a couple of hours then we all loaded into the van to head back to the Ethiopia Guest House. We ate, fed Miles, played and napped. That night Casey and I were able to connect on Skype and Miles cooperated well. Miles chanted “Da-da, Ma-ma” and we laughed; mom had Miles laughing so much and Casey could see his bright, joyful, happy personality once again. Miles was so cooperative that he even wore the headset and listened to Casey talk to him and Miles babbled back through the microphone of the headset. Miles seemed so pleased to be wearing such a device and I’m certain he figured out he must look pretty cute and put on his cheesy face for us to laugh at.
November 29th
We had plenty of down time at the guest house which gave us time to play with Miles and visit with the other families. We watched Miles crawl and play, he was thriving with our love and affection. He seemed un-phased by the changes that had occurred in the past 24 hours. Miles loves grammy and thinks she’s downright hilarious. She gets him laughing with the silliest of attempts and we laugh in response.
While mom was happy to help me at any time, I took the exclusive role of feeding Miles, changing him and putting him down for naps or for bedtime. He figured out right away that I’m who he goes to for these needs and I could tell the bonding had already started. He would even cry (no real tears) when I walked out of his line of sight. This was a good sign. When feeding him bottles we make eye contact and I pat him to say, “Miles, Yonas” then pat myself and say, “momma.”
He had a bath (really more like a shower because the tub didn’t have a plug and the water pressure was low) and Miles loved the water. He didn’t cry or flinch and splashed around happily. He is such a good boy, he’s so joyful and mom and I can’t get enough of his sweet personality.
Across the dirt road is a school and each day we listen to the children singing songs like Old McDonald and O’ Suzanna. We watch as they play during recess or race during PE, we admire them and notice how affectionate the children are as they walk hand in hand, arm in arm and the teachers (in lab coats) offer hugs to the children. The people here are wonderful and we could all learn a thing or two about friendship from them.
We ventured out to the bank to exchange our US dollars for birr, then on to the Post Office shops and picked up a few things to bring home, and then we stopped by Tomoka where I loaded up on coffee to bring home. It was a bit nerve wracking to be out in public with our Ethiopian babies, knowing that we’d stick out like sore thumbs but our driver and translator took good care of us and walked with us wherever we went.
November 30th
Today was our embassy appointment and our representative Abdissa, picked us up. We needed to arrive early in order to be seen for our 9am appointments. We made our way through security and into a large waiting room where we took a number. A while later we heard the announcement, “Robbins family, please proceed to booth 7.” With Miles asleep in the ergo carrier, he and I approached the booth. I was sworn in to confirm that everything in Yonas’ files was accurate to my knowledge. The woman proceeded to review details of his abandonment and ended by stating that his case is clearly approval and that his Visa would be ready by 10am on Friday December 2nd to pick up. With a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, I wanted to hug this stranger and tell her how grateful we are. She sensed my emotion and congratulated me and moments later we were back in the van, headed to the Thomas Center for a visit. From there we went to the CHI office and were fed a wonderful traditional lunch and we spent hours there waiting for the next part of the day. Waiting there was a little on the long side and we were all exhausted by now but our driver arrived and took us back to the Thomas Center where we were greeted by happy children in traditional Ethiopian dress, singing and dancing proudly. Here we watched the children perform and sing several songs and then we were met again by Abdissa, our fearless leader. Abdissa read from the Bible and thanked us for loving these children and making them part of permanent families. He asked each of us to speak; Julie went first, then John, then me and lastly my mom. We all thanked the nannies for the way they cared for our children and for the affection they showered onto our babies. It was an emotional time and I felt so blessed by this celebration. Each family was asked to cut into the large pie-shaped bread and at the end we were given a gift for our children. Inside the package was a traditional Ethiopian outfit for Miles (Yonas) and this made me cry too. We hugged and thanked Abdissa and his wife and took pictures to capture this special time.
From there Abdissa took us out to dinner and the restaurant happened to be entirely empty that night. Abdissa said that it felt like we were royalty J We were given a tour of the elaborate sections that represented various historical replicas in Ethiopia and later we watched dancers sing and perform to the traditional music that was played. Miles was getting very tired and mom and I were exhausted, this had been one very long and very emotional day. Ending the day with this meal and experience was wonderful and so special but by 9pm we were all ready to get back to our guest house for some much needed rest.
I was missing Casey terribly and cried during a few of our skype sessions. He is such an amazing husband and being away from him is not easy. Being away from him on such a life changing trip is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
December 1st
We woke up and mom and I played with Miles while he scooted across the floor in our room and explored everything new. He laughs when you make sneezing or coughing noises and loves to make noise himself. He responds to noise and turns his head quickly to see what the noise is. He claps, scoots around and pulls himself up alongside chairs, etc. He will be walking soon.
The guest house was wonderful but we all ended up feeling a bit cooped up. Everyone was ready to be home and getting into a normal routine. We did our best to stay busy and even decided to go shopping again. We arranged for a driver and made our way back into the shopping area. I wanted to find a traditional Ethiopian outfit that will fit Miles by the end of next summer so that when we dedicate him at church he can wear it. The outfit we were given by Abdissa won’t fit until he’s three or so. I found just the right outfit and I know he’ll look so handsome wearing this for his dedication when we’re home in Washington.
Our friends Rachel and Ty were in Ethiopia by now too. They are here for their court trip for baby girl M. They stopped by our guest house and I cried seeing Rachel and they came up to our room to visit with me and mom while Miles napped. It was so wonderful to see our friends.
December 2nd
This was the day we would start our trip back to the U.S.! We had several hours before we would need to be at the airport so we ate breakfast and spent most of the day in our room playing with Miles and also packing. Rachel and Ty invited us to go shopping with them so we decided this would be a good way to get out and another fun time to see our friends. Driving back through the bustling city reminds me of the hardship here and we were asked for food or money at every stop. This is heart breaking; I wish I could do more.
We returned to our guest house and mom and I said goodbye to Ty and Rachel. We ate dinner then we were picked up at 6pm to head to the airport. We arrived and were quickly greeted by a Porter (someone who helps you with your bags); he loaded our luggage onto a cart and said to me, “for five dollar I help you to get inside.” I respond saying, “Ok, thank you.” We got closer to the entrance and the price has gone up, “I help you to line for ten dollar, ok?” I agree. Our luggage proceeds though security and the porter re-loaded it onto our cart saying, “for 10, 15 dollar I help you.” I nod to agree. Before I knew it the porter handed me and mom our customs forms and led us past the 100+ people waiting in line at the Ethiopian Airlines ultra-long waiting line. He unlatched the rope at the very front to let us through. I was shocked and didn’t know what to do. We had just cut in front of everyone and I couldn’t turn to look at them. He seemed pleased with how much he had helped (if you can call it that) and I handed him a twenty and he thanked me and walked away. Mom and I requested bulkhead seating, we were handed our tickets and then we went on to the customs line.
From there we made our way to our gate and found out the flight was delayed two hours. We wouldn’t be leaving until midnight or so. For the next five hours plus, we waited and tried to keep Miles happy. One blow-out, pooh-up-the-back-diaper later, one instance of Miles throwing up on mom/grammy (just after she’d changed her shirt) and a handful of graham crackers down mom’s shirt to top it off, we were invited to our gate. We waited a while longer then finally boarded. We had the first row after first class and were given a bassinette for Miles and we were only steps away to the nearest bathroom. We were finally on our way. The flight was so long, I can’t stress how much energy it takes to keep an 11 month old happy during a flight this long. He did his very best to stay in a good mood but a few times he found himself so exhausted, he couldn’t help but cry about it (again, no real tears shed). All in all, he did so well and mom/grammy helped keep him entertained. She is just so good with babies and her help to me is immeasurable, I just could not have done this trip without her.
December 3rd
When we finally arrived in DC we were starving and craving a good meal so where better to go than Five Guys! We ordered burgers and shared French fries and Miles sat in a high chair laughing, giggling, wiggling and bopping his head to the music. Miles and I waited with grammy for her flight to leave and said our goodbyes. It was hard to see mom go and sad to know we won’t see her for a while.
With mom headed for LAX then home, we regrouped and made our way to our gate. A couple of hours later we boarded for Atlanta, then on to Panama City. Miles slept in the ergo for the last two flights and the flight attendants were kind enough to let us sit at the very back of the plane with three seats to ourselves. By the time we got off the plane in Panama City, I was teary eyed and so excited to see Casey. We made our way down the escalator and I spotted Casey right away and began to cry. Miles was still asleep and when I made my way to Casey’s arms I was bawling and so grateful to be with him again. Casey took Miles and snuggled him and this moment was priceless, we were all together finally and nothing felt more right. Casey carried Miles to the bathroom to change his diaper then we picked up my luggage and headed for the truck. There was Sami (one of our Yorkies) waiting for us and so happy to meet his brother Miles. Sami kissed him and Miles didn’t seem to care much either way. The car seat on the other hand….Miles did not care for and he cried for about 15 minutes until he fell asleep.
We were home 40 minutes later and Casey tucked Miles in where he would sleep only a short while before waking and wanting a bottle. Casey was up with him much of the night, I think Miles’ entire sleep schedule is out of whack and he just could not sleep. We’ll be working to get back on track.
Saturday was pretty much a lazy day for us and Miles explored the house and the dogs followed him around. Gauge is a little uncertain of Miles; he doesn’t know what to make of this little person who scoots his way around. Bella is super curious and tries licking him a lot. Sami loves him the most at this point. Miles is adjusting well and is very comfortable and happy with us.
December 4th
Casey is still doing most of the care for Miles so that Miles learns that I’m not the only one caring for his needs. Casey fed him strawberries which Miles loves and the boys are known to be found on the couch, snuggling, watching SportsCenter.
I went to Target to buy a car seat for my car and Casey had asked that I be home before 2:30 because he needed to go to the base for a study group. So when I got home he had plenty of time to play with Miles before leaving, he put the car seat in my car and headed out for a couple of hours. Just after 4pm he texted to say that he was on his way home. Miles and I were doing some laundry when I heard a voice coming from the front door saying, “Hello!” First I was a bit startled because it was a woman’s voice. Then the voice was familiar, it was my sister Erin. Casey didn’t really have a study group; he’d gone to pick her up from the airport. As it turns out, the day after I left for Ethiopia Erin’s husband Nathan connected with Casey about having Erin fly out. Nathan said that it was important for me to have Erin here because I was there for the births of their daughters (my nieces) Finley and Tula. Needless to say I was shocked and so happy to have her here to meet her newest nephew. I am so thankful to Nathan for arranging this and to Casey for his sneaky part in this wonderful surprise. Erin will be here until Thursday and this will give her and Miles a chance to get to know each other, I’m so happy!
Our adventure isn’t over, absolutely not! We’re just starting a fresh chapter in this wonderful journey. We have our son home, we have amazing family, friends and community who have supported us and prayed for us all along. We are so blessed and so thankful. There are no words to describe the feeling of being together as a family. When we’ve prayed and hoped for something for so long and finally see it all work out, we’re reminded of God’s love for us and we understand better than ever the words of David, the Psalmist, “Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.” (Ps. 34:8)
In a week we will be celebrating Thanksgiving. We have plenty to be thankful for this year and though this will be our first holiday away from our family and friends, we will still celebrate and give thanks and we’ll still eat quite well! I’ve never prepared a full Thanksgiving feast come to think of it. I’ve only prepared and brought various side-dishes to share at our parents’ homes or other family members hosting on Thanksgiving. Sunset Magazine (one of my very favorites) has an article on skipping traditional foods this year, trading the actual turkey for turkey sliders; plus fried green beans and pumpkin bourbon shakes….interesting! One recipe that really caught my eye was their Pumpkin-Orange cheesecake with chocolate crust and salted caramel…WOW. Chocolate and salted caramel…my mouth is watering! I’ll pass on the sliders and stick with a turkey…but a small one this year. There’s only so much turkey two people can eat and we’ll even have plenty for leftover sandwiches. I’ll make deviled-eggs with my Grandma Driver’s recipe, no others I’ve tried even come close to hers! There will be mashed potatoes and stuffing because being away from home is enough change for us for one Thanksgiving (and I need the carbs for my ½ marathon training J right?)
We’ve actually never been at home on Thanksgiving or Christmas in the 5½ years that we have been married. For these holidays we rotate between my parents’/siblings homes and Casey’s parents’ homes. This is an adventure each year and we love to see everyone and celebrate such a special season. Being with family is part of what makes the holidays so fun and memorable. In the coming years I hope to begin some of our own traditions with our children. Opening stockings at our house on Christmas morning or maybe someday having the space to host Thanksgiving or Christmas…that would be so much fun!!
I’ve mentioned this before but I don’t like the assumption that we are saving or rescuing Miles. When you know our story, you know that we needed rescuing too, just in a different way. While we had a need (a hole in our hearts, a gaping, physically painful hurt), Miles (Yonas) had a need too; he really needed parents to fall in love with him and provide security. So now it makes sense to me and continues to be clearer each day that those of us with needs in certain areas of our lives are to be matched with others who also have needs but provide the very things the other was missing. This give and take piece of relationships is pretty remarkable to me.
On a different note, we received our weekly update on Miles in terms of his physical development. Miles is 21.16lbs and he is 27.83" long. These updates are very basic but we do love getting them each week and he continues to gain weight at a healthy rate and looks like a solid baby (neck/leg rolls and all). One detail we never received an actual update on is whether or not he has teeth. I don’t know how I missed this until today but I have a large photo that we received in September posted just above my computer screen. I can see clearly that he has at least two lower teeth! In the picture he is wearing a Hawaiian shirt and he has this wide-eyed, drooly face and there are two tiny, pearly teeth! (see photo attachment at bottom of entry)
Another question we ponder is how he will react to our dogs; three wiggly, licking, eager dogs who happen to have a love for babies and young kids. That’s all fine and great until you introduce a baby to these creatures that he’s never shared a home with. The orphanage in Addis has a dog but he’s an outdoor dog and I highly doubt the babies have had much interaction with this mutt. My niece Tula loves dogs and always has and she welcomes their kisses. I doubt Miles will appreciate this quite like sweet Tula though. We decided we will limit the dogs’ initial interaction with Miles as to not overwhelm him and we’ll just work on this over time. Our hope is that eventually we’ll find at least one of our dogs curled up next to Miles’ crib in the morning J
We wait in peace for we know that Miles is being cared for when we cannot. This time of waiting is difficult and tomorrow is a day that could mark his file as approved, or denied (in need of further clarification, etc.) While he is there in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and 8 hours ahead of us, we are here in Panama City, Florida and we press on! This day, ordinary and like many others for us, we woke up, drank coffee, ate breakfast, I started working and Casey headed to the base; we worked out, came home, I put in a few more hours for work, Casey fixed dinner, we ate dinner and now here I am. Casey is on the couch with our three dogs watching Monday night football. Even with all of the things that we face in a normal day, truly our thoughts are with our son Miles. That little rascal doesn’t even know it ;)
The embassy in Ethiopia only receives new cases on Tuesdays. Ours (and the others in our group) were not submitted last Tuesday as further processing and compiling of perfected reports was needed. We are praying that tomorrow our file for Miles will be submitted tomorrow and that it will be 100% accurate a.k.a. "clearly approvable" meaning that there would be no room for question.
We don’t know when we would go get him once we do get approved by the embassy. When the time comes, I will be going to Ethiopia with my mom. Casey will stay here in Florida as he is currently in his schooling program to become an Air Battle Manager and cannot go with me. The next person I would most want and need with me on a trip such as this, is my mom. Casey is my partner, best friend and a great team player and he will be missed on this trip. My second pick (and that’s not a put-down) is my mom. She’s raised five biological kids, two step-daughters, countless foster children and Miles is among 10+ grandkids! She has a heart of gold and patience like no one I know. She’s never traveled so far but I know she’ll be helpful and I don’t know that anyone will cherish this opportunity like she will.
This picture that you all get of our story is presumably very scary, chaotic and exhausting but please let me assure you that even with all of the waiting and unknowns, we are at peace and we are confident that Miles will be home with us in the right time. We know that when he does arrive home to us, our world will be rocked and mostly, HIS world will be rocked and we will be doing everything we possibly can to ensure he feels secure, loved, safe and that he learns we are in his life to stay.
None of this is easy, but we were never promised that it would be! Everything about this adoption process tests us but refines us too. When we go to bed at night we pray for Miles and it won’t be long before we pray that same prayer, but soon he’ll only be the next door down the hall from us, not across the world.
We made it to Florida! For those of you who missed the update, Casey was given an amazing opportunity to begin a program at Tyndall Air Force Base that will prepare him to be an Air Battle Manager back at McChord Air Force Base in Washington State. So here we are, in a rental for the next ten months. We found a place that brings me back to re-runs of “The Brady Bunch”….minus all the kids but with all of the dated design J Our house is a three bedroom , two bathroom home on a clean, well-established street in the Panama City area (Callaway). We’re in a safe neighborhood and we even have a sheriff across the street. The rooms are spacious and we have our own closets in our master bedroom. The master bathroom has a very dated clam-shell shaped sink that in no way makes me think of the beach or eating clams. When I see this sink I only ponder, “What were they thinking?”
The living room is the worst…three walls have wood paneling that screams “please tear me down and replace me with normal walls!” This must have been a great lounging place back in the day but now I wonder how daylight ever found its way here and I’m certain that a bit of updating would be welcomed. The kitchen…no updates have been made. The upper kitchen cabinets were re-painted to a maroon color but whoever painted must have run out of time because the lower cabinets are in their original state. Truly, the only updates we can see are that new carpet has been installed and that the walls have been painted. Otherwise, the fixtures all seem to represent that of the mid 60s-70s. Those were great times I’m sure, but they don’t’ exactly lure renters of this era. Our landlords were lucky to have found us; a young couple who would sacrifice updates for a home in a safe neighborhood…yep, that’s us! On the bright side, the rooms are all quite large and the back yard is huge with only a neighbor to one side. The fence is tall and it feels really private, the dogs love it!
The very first action we completed was getting my home-office area set up in what was probably designed to be a “formal sitting-room” in our older home here. Instead now you can do both, sit near the window in a wing-backed chair, or work from home! For me, I’ll be using the second option. We have a beautiful office desk that can be closed completely to appear as a nice decorative cabinet but is completely functional to house my computer, files, printer, etc. and so far I’m loving this! Next to set up was our kitchen. This was at the top of our priority list because unless we wanted to eat out for the next week, we absolutely needed to get our kitchen ready for use. This took me several long hours and late nights. We don’t have the same amount of storage as our kitchen back in Port Orchard so we are using shelving in our garage.
The very next item on our list was to get Miles’ room ready. Casey assembled his crib and brought in the plethora of boxes from the garage labeled “Miles” and eventually those boxes were unpacked and now I have his room ready for his arrival. Letters that spell out his name show from the window in his room (thanks Linds!) and from the top of his book-shelf (thanks Cyd!) His room here is spacious and close to our room and it looks nearly perfect. We wait for our son and not a day passes that we don’t miss him, pray for him and long to change his diapers, dress him, kiss him, whisper, “I love you son” and chase him around our house here. Miles is intertwined so deeply into Casey and me and living apart from him is a daily challenge in itself. We worry very little because we are filled with peace yet we long for his company. The waiting continues to prove that Miles is worth it and though we miss out on milestone after milestone, we rest assured that we will have him for more time than we didn’t. Hugs and kisses to my son, Miles, you are missed beyond measure.
Today our new neighbors warned us of water moccasins, rats, eagles, hawks and owls and to “keep an eye out for our small dogs.” My thoughts, “um….you lost me at water moccasins” as I literally shake off a severe case of the he-be-gee-bees. I was worried about lizards and bugs and now someone is telling me we live in an area known to have water moccasins! You’ve got to be kidding me! So as you might image, I’ve dialed in on Bing’s information pertaining to Florida’s most deadly critters…
Tonight Casey bbq’d steaks for dinner and as we ate, we talked about our dating days and how we fell in love. Both with glassy-eyes, we reminisced about those days back in college when we became friends, then fell hard and fast for each other and how perfectly matched we are. God is faithful and we know our relationship began and flourished from his design and plan for us, we are so grateful.
To our family and friends cheering us along, we are fine! We march on! We unpack, we carry on, we drink coffee and juggle life much the same. We miss you all. We love you all. We cheer on the Huskies and represent in purple and gold, we navigate our way in a new area and we’re hopeful and excited for this year and for what we know is coming; more joy, more memories, more good times with friend and family and a whole lot of Miles! Hugs and love to you!
Last Friday, September 30th, Casey and I received amazing news that Miles’ paperwork was finally signed by the judge, praise God! This news came after a very long, nerve-racking week of waiting. For me, last week was the most stressful week of this adoption process so far. By Friday I was feeling frantic, worn out, short-tempered and irritable and I needed some time at home to collect myself that afternoon so I went home for a late lunch hour. There I was in the kitchen praying silently, “Ok God, I’m exhausted, I’m not holding up well. Will you just send some relief our way?” I walked to the mirror in our hallway and stared at myself, my weariness apparent. I headed back to the kitchen where I checked for email on my phone. There it was, the subject read, “Great News!” I dropped to my knees right then and cried and thanked God for answering another prayer. I called Casey and through my sobbing, explained that we had received our signature and we were making progress again! Casey was just a few minutes from our house and when he walked in the door we hugged and said a prayer of thanks. Shortly after, I did a bit of a victory dance then began posting pictures of Miles on our Facebook page. We could finally share his sweet face with our loved ones.
(Passing court is what took place when we got this signature from the judge, this means Miles' paperwork heads to the embassy and that we are in the final phase! We don't know for sure when we will get to bring him home, but we are praying for November!)
Back at the office the ladies welcomed me with a very special candy bar gift. Each candy bar signified something… (adoption can be that way), Mamba (cause I’m a Mom…ba?!) Junior Mints (cause now we have a son!) Good & Plenty (because adopting Miles is good and we are plenty happy!) and a Skor bar (we scored with getting to have Miles as our son!). Thank you ladies, you’re amazing, so sweet and the best people to work with, ever!
That night, Casey’s Aunt Cindy was hosting a party at her home and the party was put on by her generous friend Brenda, who sells products from Biltmore Inspirations. http://www.biltmoreinspirations.com/?release=new-party-plan-business. Brenda and Cindy reconnected through Facebook recently and Brenda was compelled to have a party which 100% of the sales would go to us for our adoption! Eariler that week I was not feeling like going to a party, I really wanted to crawl into my bed and have a pity-party. But by the end of the week our prayer had been answered and I was able to show up to an amazing evening of celebration knowing I could have a good time whole-heartedly! Erin, Liz and I carpooled to and we arrived to find that Cindy and Ben had created an atmosphere for this party that was remarkable!!! They had printed photos of Miles, framed them and placed them throughout their home! Amazing food had been prepared and Cindy had a houseful of guests; I only knew a few of them. They were all super-generous ladies who came to have a fun time and who were eager to support our adoption. Many of them purchased items from the Biltmore Inspirations Collection and others made cash donations. Needless to say, the evening was such a blessing to us and we were really amazed by the generosity of strangers. It was a special night and I had a really great time! Thank you Cindy, Ben, Brenda and friends of the Ibales, we are so grateful for your love and support!
A couple of weeks ago we were blessed with a baby shower. Liz, , Lindsey & Lisa hosted and our parents contributed so much too. We were blessed by the company of our parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, co-workers, neighbors, and friends (old and new). It was another wonderful day to celebrate with everyone and we really could not have asked for a more exciting, touching, joyful, and hilarious baby shower! We left that afternoon with a truck load of baby gear for Miles and our hearts brimming with gratitude. Every single person involved in that day and every guest made us feel so loved and so supported, thank you all!!
Thank you everyone who reads about our story and for every person who prays for us, donates and listens to us when we are stressed. Thank you to our neighbor Wendy and her awesome team at Spiros. Thank you everyone who logs their miles on the Run for Miles Facebook page. Thank you to our family and friends. Thank you everyone who shares our story with someone else and for every stranger who sees a glimpse of hope here. We love and trust in God and are grateful for this opportunity to grow our family through adoption. He is the author of this beautiful story that we get to live out.
To close this entry I have to mention that we leave for Florida in ten days. We’ll start our journey on the morning of October 18th in a moving truck with all of our things, towing our car….heading to to find a home to rent until next August. So for the past few weeks, I’ve been packing like crazy. The walls are bare; I’ve taken down art work and mirrors but have left the three framed photos of Miles on our living room wall. I just can’t pack them yet. Since we’ll still be in our house until the 18th, those three pictures will stay where they are until the last possible moment. awaits, and there we will begin another chapter of this wonderful, often chaotic, blessing-filled life. is already special to us because that’s where we’ll live with Miles for the first time ever. There is something sweet about this adventure to the opposite corner of the ; the beaches will be nice, the weather will be incredible but really the best part is that Miles will be with us.
1) my husband still “checks me out”
2) silly moments at work like me and Liz improv-rapping about what our job entails
3) running with the dogs on my lunch hour on a beautiful fall day
4) watching the men, women and children fishing for Salmon on the beach at the bottom of the hill
5) the ice cream truck just rolled through the neighborhood (7:10pm!)
6) packing boxes and labeling them, “Miles”
7) still picking tomatoes and plans to share them!
8) the Spiros Peanut Butter Pie that Casey and I will be splitting when he gets home from the football game. Oh the deliciousness……….
9) pictures of Miles in every room
I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night a lot lately. This is harsh because I’m a girl who loves her nine hours of sleep J I’ve always been this way and I’m at my best with at least 8 hours of good, solid sleep. For the past couple of weeks, I find myself restless in the night. I toss and turn trying to get comfortable but my mind just wakes up and there I am at 3am thinking of Miles, Ethiopia, the judge we are waiting on and the embassy process. I’ve come to three conclusions about my interrupted sleep 1) I am being stirred to pray in the quiet of the night when there are no distractions 2) I am not writing enough and my mind is filling with the stories of my life just bursting to be recorded 3) I am being prepped for motherhood where I will likely have to kiss my sweet 8-9hour nights of sleep goodbye J
As most of you known, we are in a season of waiting in our adoption. We are waiting on the judge to return to work so that she can give our file a final approval. After we finish that phase of waiting, we will be waiting for the embassy to receive our file and then we will wait for them to process and finalize things. Waiting for Miles to come home is hard. I do feel peace that God is in control and I stay pretty level headed most of the time but occasionally I’ll cry because I miss him.
There is that old saying that, “no news is good news,” and that isn’t necessarily the case in adoption. Recently no news (more often than not) just means, “No news.” Since we left Ethiopia last month, we’ve heard very little from our agency regarding progress and this is for everyone in our boat, not just us. We continue to answer the questions of, “have you heard anything?” Or, “what’s the latest with your adoption.” And truly, we have no update to share right now other than that each week Casey and I happily review the email we receive about the growth of Miles. He is healthy and growing! Last week after reading the update of his current weight, I piled a bunch of things on the scale to make the equivalent of his weight and felt pretty good knowing he’s a solid baby! So here we are, heading into a new season of fall. While I will miss the warm summer days, fall and winter bring hope of having Miles home.
In the meantime, we are busy with work and with projects around the house. So many blackberries, so little time! Between me, Casey, his sister Mia and my nieces, we’ve picked tons of blackberries at our house. This weekend I’m making jam J I also have tomatoes of several varieties coming out my ears…its salsa making time and I hope to fit that into the weekend at some point too. I love reaping the benefits of home grown goods…I love the harvest! I snipped herbs yesterday too and have them bagged in the freezer for use later on. Making jam, salsa and preserving herbs are three things I get to cross off my list of goals for 2011! I still have to learn how to make cheese and one or two other things before January…I think I can do it!
As most of you know, in roughly one month we will be moving (temporarily) to Mexico Beach, Florida. The adventure will be great and this opportunity is a reflection of Casey’s hard work and his amazing efforts in the U.S. Air Force (Air National Guard). Casey continues to impress me as he sets personal and professional goals and accomplishes them with excellence and a great attitude. His Air Battle Manager schooling program at Tyndall Air Force Base in Florida will allow further opportunities once we return to Washington at the end of next summer. It isn’t likely that we’ll be coming home during our time there, so please do come visit us if you can! When I’m not working and when Casey isn’t in school, you’ll probably find us at the beach with Miles and the dogs J
Wow. I don’t know quite how to begin an update that includes so many emotions in one month. As you know we started August in , meeting Miles there for the first time. Honestly time has been going by quickly since then and for that I am grateful. Now that we are home we are finishing our fun-filled, busy summer but we both feel an emptiness that can only be filled by the presence of our son Miles. We miss him so much. He is in our thoughts and prayers constantly.
August includes a yearly family trip on my side – “Cousin’s Camp” and this year our family ventured to Fort Worden for four days of fun. We had a blast and the weather was really great. We’re still developing this tradition and this year we did t-shirt making (thanks to Erin), some of the guys golfed, we walked the beach and rode/walked lots of miles for Miles. It was so much fun! (By the way, ‘Cousin’s Camp’ is a name we adopted…the counselor Casey and I saw last summer does a yearly get-together and that’s what they call it- I couldn’t take credit for that)
On August 17th Casey and I left home with our three dogs, towing our tent-trailer and traveled up to to our favorite camping spot, Salt Creek. We were joined by my sister and her family on the 19th and we celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary that day. We were really “roughing it” with delicious seafood fettuccine, salad and wine. I had plenty of pasta to share but my sister and her family had planned on burgers for their meal (burgers served on hot dog buns because they forgot the burger buns). We also decided that would be a good day to celebrate Erin’s birthday and I’d ordered a pink champagne cake from McGavin’s for her. We sang and celebrated my wonderful sister and it was special to share that day together.
The Robucks joined us for a night and they decided to bunk up in our tent trailer. They really enjoyed the beach and the view and we were so glad to have them there!
Our five days at Salt Creek were incredible. The weather was nice and our days were relaxing- this is just the way we like to spend our anniversary and we’ll keep up this tradition for as long as we can!
We returned home on Sunday the 21st and once I’d unpacked and showered, I went to my mom’s house to visit my Grandma Driver who had taken a turn for the worse. I spent a few hours there and although she couldn’t speak, she blinked her eyes when she heard my voice and I did feel her lightly squeezing my hand as I held onto it. I crawled into her bed and snuggled with her like old times; I kissed her and told her I love her, over and over. I knew she didn’t have much time left. I cried as I lay next to her and my heart ached to know she was slipping away. I said goodbye to her that afternoon and went home. That night Casey and I were in bed and prayed together; I asked God to take her home. Ten minutes later the phone rang and I heard the words that I knew would come, “your grandma just passed away.” I knew it was inevitable but the sadness was and is still so thick and heavy. I feel relief knowing she’s no longer fighting for her breaths and I know she’s with the Lord. Still, I selfishly wish she were here. I wish Miles could have known her. It’s been just over a week since she passed and I’m still sad. I miss her so much. I’ve been to my mom’s house where my grandma spent her last two months of life and I found a blanket from her bed and couldn’t help but pick it up to breath in the sweet scent of my amazing grandmother. I’ve visited my grandparents’ house and opened Grandma’s bathroom cabinet to see all of the same products she’d used for as long as I can remember. VO5, Aqua Net, Ponds Cold Cream, a dozen lipsticks (all in shades of pink)…it is all so familiar and feels so lonely without her. I’ve been listening to the am radio station she loved for the past week: 880 Kixi. It reminds me of walking into her house all these years and finding her in the kitchen, as chipper as can be, with the music of her era playing in the background. I miss her. I know people say it gets easier and I’m sure that’s true. It’s just not easy yet. Grandpa says, “She was a true lady, I was lucky to have her,” and he’s right. She was a true lady, and we were all so blessed and spoiled to have her in our lives.
Speaking of blessings, Casey and I are overwhelmingly blessed by the love and support of our family, friends and acquaintances. This is so evident by the ‘Run For Miles’ Facebook page my sister Erin started. Each day people are logging in to make note of the miles they’ve put in. I tear up just about every time I log in to see the latest. It amazes me. Erin ordered “Run For Miles” bracelets to sell and this is going great. People are responding well to this and we can’t thank everyone enough. Friends, family (owwwwwwww), the awesome Spiro’s team, my amazing co-workers, our UPS guy…they are all sporting the bracelets! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
To wrap up August, 2011, it has to be said that we have come full circle. Last August Casey and I were still grieving infertility and started to see an amazing counselor. We are grateful to her for the wisdom she shared and for her reassurance. She still keeps up on our story and she is part of where we are now. She is a treasure to us. The heart change Casey and I experienced through prayer and the power of God is rich. Such change has secured our residence in joy itself. We’ve fallen in love with a baby boy we barely know and we tear up at the thought of seeing him again and bringing him home. All the pain, all the grief, tears and all of the joy…. it’s all for the love; for our love of Miles.
Wow, my sister amazes me again with her heart overflowing with generosity. She has been up to something really special called Run for Miles on Facebook. http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Run-for-Miles/214951245222187
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Here is what Erin says about this: “Log your miles! Goal 8,375 miles in 5 weeks to make it to Ethiopia. | |
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My sister and her husband (Tana & Casey Robbins http://therealrobbinsnest.shutterfly.com/) are preparing to bring home a baby boy from Ethiopia. They have already met their baby boy once in Ethiopia and have to travel back one more time to bring him home. His name will be Miles. There is a lot of meaning behind his name. My sister has run a lot of miles in her life. In the past few years through wanting to start a family she has run a lot of miles and some were through tears of pain and tears of joy. Also, Tana and Casey’s journey to starting a family has taken them on an adventure containing thousands of miles to get their son. Ethiopia is roughly 8,375 miles from their home in Port Orchard, WA. They will both tell you how meaningful every single mile of their journey has been…miles they would never trade. We’re going to help raise money to help bring Miles home. We’re hoping to collectively run enough miles to equal the distance to Ethiopia while also collecting donations. Please find us on Facebook “Run for Miles” and start logging your miles on the page. Join us as we collect the final miles & donations to celebrate this amazing journey in helping to bring Miles home. More details on date and time to come!”
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This is my journaling while in Ethiopia and returning home. Please excuse any errors/brevity as I was writing much of this from the backseat of a van :)
7/27
We are sitting in the San Francisco airport, waiting at the gate for our flight to Dubai. It’s nice and sunny here. I close my eyes and think of Miles. Goosebumps. We’re getting closer.
7/29
We are about to land in Ethiopia. I can see the ground and I start to cry. Thinking of being in the same country as Miles makes me so emotional. We are in his time zone, overwhelmingly cool!!! We arrive in Addis. We ask for a 3 month visa and we get them without question. We exchange currency. The driver from our guest house picks us up, his name is Yonas J. Here there are no traffic lights (so far at least) and seatbelts are optional and sometimes there are none at all. It’s hot. The guest house is not terrible, but it’s not great either. The internet is very unreliable. In our room we a have bathroom, bedroom and small kitchen.
That evening we ate at the Crystal Dome with other families in our group and a YWAM mission team. We share lasagna. Soooo delicious. Back to room to pack for our Gimbie trip and to sleep. I find one can of powder formula exploded in one of our suitcases. Bummer. To bed with pepto in our tummies and sleeping pills. Earplugs too.
7/30
We get up at 5:30am. It is pouring rain outside. We get ready to meet our group downstairs. We are on our way to Gimbie in the pouring rain in what will take us two days, roughly 12 hours in a van. We head out of the capital of Addis and we see extreme poverty. People everywhere. Donkeys. Stray, mangy dogs. Friends walking hand in hand or with their arms around one another. I see a young boy running after his goats with a whip. One of the other husbands in our van turns around to us and says, "y'all we are gonna see our kids for the first time tomorrow." We all laugh.
We see thatch-roof homes everywhere, front doors wide open, people just sit in their doorway watching outside. Defrost for windshield is a cloth rag. We discover right away that passing while going uphill, around a corner is common here.
We find out that honking means many things: ‘pedestrian up ahead move over lest I run you over, apologies in advance!’ Or, ‘hello other people!’ Or ‘move over tiny three-wheeled-truck.’ Or it means ‘I'm passing you now because you are going too slow.’ One of my favorites was our driver honking at herds of donkeys, goats or cows that crowd and jam the roads.
Our van has no cushions and the shocks are worn. Rivers are raging. There are lots of people with umbrellas. We are driving through beautiful green valleys, up mountains. We are listening to American pop… "stand back you're dancing kind of close," weird. The rest of the trip we listen to Ethiopian pop music. We don’t know what they are singing about but the song gets stuck in our heads.
Most of the people are barefoot. They are happy people. Kids see us and wave. A man is planting seeds in his field. We almost ran over a dog. Our driver, Demis passes a Semi truck that had flipped on its side, now it's a makeshift shelter. There is a beautiful young girl standing along the road with an umbrella and three chickens crowd around her feet to stay dry.
Pavement no more! My love for roller coasters and having a stomach that isn't affected by motion is really working out well. I have never been on a bumpier road. Wherever we are is untouched by machines. It is beautiful here. These are hard working people. We pass people and we smile and wave, they smile and wave back happily. There are people working hard everywhere, even young children are plowing with oxen, working the land. These people, untouched by makeup and fancy hairstyles, untouched by trendy clothes, manicures, pedicures... And they are the most beautiful people I've ever seen.
I have never seen so many corn fields. Certainly never so many planted and harvested by hand.
We arrive at the Nekemte orphanage. We meet all of the babies, including baby M, soon to be the daughter of our friends back home. These babies are all strong and healthy. The nannies are amazing, doting on these babies. We sang a worship song together, wow, this is amazing.
We go back to the hotel, we eat dinner (Spaghetti) then we go up to our room and sleep in our bed inside a mosquito net.
7/31
We get up at 6:30 and get ready for our big day. We head downstairs to have breakfast with our group. We’re getting to know the other adopting families; they are all very special people. Casey has the Banks’ i-Pad out at breakfast and takes pictures with the hotel workers; they are sweet and totally fascinated by this technology.
We load into our van and are on our way to Gimbie!!!!!!!!! We pass a dead cow in the street, dogs are eating it. So gross. Today is overcast but not raining so far.
Wow. What a day. We arrived in Gimbie in the morning, maybe around 10am. Abonesh is our fearless leader and she, Casey and I were the first ones who walked into the orphanage. There he was, our son Miles, lying on his tummy on the floor with the other babies. My eyes found his immediately. I said his name to the nannies to see if I could go pick him up. They nodded yes but first swooped him up to change his diaper. He was all smiles and so content. He is perfect and hands down the most precious, handsome baby. I couldn't hold back my tears as I held him and kissed his sweet face. This is the moment I have been waiting my whole life for. Casey captures this on video and with pictures. Then Casey was next, he is so captivated by this sweet baby of ours.
Most of the day was spent there, the only time Miles fussed is when he is hungry and a bottle quickly calms him. We all spend time with our children, then we each have an opportunity to ask the nannies about our child, their behavior, eating and sleeping patterns and what soothes them. They tell us he is a very good, very happy baby. They say he cries at bed time. They tell us he loves to be held and cuddled. Here he is baby Y and the nannies affectionately call him by his Ethiopian name and kiss his face all over. He knows his name and he LOVES to be kissed.
Then we all gathered and the nannies sang worship songs in Amharic. This is amazing. Then we prayed together, and the nannies all cried and we thanked them for the love and care they provided for our children. There are so many tears. The nannies are grieving. It is sweet to know and see their love for these children. It is so hard to leave them, these amazing women who have loved our children like their own.
With dry diapers and bottles for our children we loaded into the vans. There are no car seats, just our arms wrapped around them tightly. It is hot in our van, and there isn’t air conditioning so I stripped Miles down to his diaper. He is happy. Miles was hungry about a half hour into the ride so Casey fed him while they lay together on the back (4th) row. Soon it was stinky in the van and sure enough Miles had a messy diaper. I got out the changing mat, diapers and wipes and changed him on the third row holding him in place with one hand, wiping with the other. Then Miles was back in daddy’s arms with a clean diaper and within minutes they are both asleep; Casey on his back and Miles is belly up in just his diaper. This is perfection. This is an amazing day. We race on for the Nekemte orphanage to settle our babies there for the night. Tomorrow morning we will pick up the babies and we will drive to Addis.
Abonesh takes our group to visit the Kumsa Moroda Palace. www.kumsamoroda.org
We are given a tour by a very nice older man and Abonesh translates from Amharic to English. This is a 200 year old palace and we learn of its history and what the various buildings were used for. I’m shocked that several of the buildings are open for touring, especially one building’s second story that is definitely not stable, the floor creaks as we tip-toe across. Our group gets a bit nervous to even be up here so we head back downstairs to get our feet on stable ground.
We eat dinner at a resort in Nekemte, it is nice. Our group is handed menus and we start discussing what we’d like to eat. The waiter asks for our orders and then tells us that only five dishes on the menu are available. Fish Goulash is an option and various types of Spaghetti are available and one or two traditional dishes are too. Most of us end up ordering Spaghetti. The napkins here are-and I promise this is true, they are squares of toilet paper and they smell like disinfectant. We all have a really good laugh about this, trying not to make too big of a deal or insult Abonesh or the nice waiter.
8/1
We get up early for breakfast at our hotel and then anxiously head to the Nekemte orphanage to get our babies. Casey picks Miles up right away and he is just as happy as the day before. We take a few pictures of me holding Miles and baby M. We say goodbye to her and the others. We load into the van to head to Addis.
This is a special day, even with the circumstances of being in a van for ten hours on dirt roads. We get to hold our son all day. We feed him, burp him, change him, kiss him and snuggle him the whole time. He loves us, I can just tell.
We also bring back two additional babies whose parents will come for them in the fall perhaps. Both are adorable and we all agree their parents will be so blessed by them. One in particular really likes me and fusses instantly when I pass her back to Abonesh. Abonesh tells me this baby prefers me and passes her back to me telling me I’m a good mother. I thank her.
We finally get to pavement and Abonesh takes us to lunch at a nice hotel. We hold our babies while we eat Injera and drink Coke Lite. After lunch we head back for the van. Miles has had a major blow out. Casey changes him and the outfit has to be changed too. He’ll wear his Mariner’s outfit for now.
We arrive in Addis, it is raining so hard and Demis maneuvers through the worst traffic I’ve seen. The round-abouts are jammed and people struggle to see through their windshields because apparently few people have functioning defrost in their vehicles. The lightning illuminates the darkness every few seconds. We arrive at the Thomas Center where Miles and the other children in our group will stay until our embassy appointments, when we can bring our children home. We have to give Miles to the nannies there. I break down and cry as I give them our son who is sleeping. I cannot keep my pain quiet. Casey tries to console me; the orphanage director tries to reassure me he is fine there, Abonesh tells me not to cry. I am the last one in our group back to the van. Everyone else seems to have it pulled together, not me. I cry all the way back to the guest house.
We go to bed, exhausted.
8/2
We sleep in a bit and head downstairs for bunna (coffee) and breakfast. We are picked up around 9:30 to head to the Thomas Center for our two hour visit with Miles. He is being fed when we arrive and the nannies let me take him right away. He is doing fine. Dressed in blue and white striped jammies, he is so cute! We take turns holding him and we both lay on the floor with him watching him scoot around. He’ll be full on crawling soon, but for now he scoots and he’s pretty fast and very determined. We laugh at this and are filled with joy to see him so active, so happy. We cry again when we have to leave him. This is so hard.
This afternoon we spend shopping. We buy toys to take home for Miles; a ball that has letters in Amharic on it, a giraffe and zebra on wheels. Casey buys a “toothbrush” which is actually a little twig that you chew the end a bit to fray the edges, then you scrub your teeth. He says it feels like he had a dental cleaning when he’s done. No wonder the people here have such beautiful teeth.
We also buy a lot of Ethiopian coffee. The coffee here is the best and at a really good price.
8/3
We have a routine down. Casey is downstairs in the guest house’s restaurant early, having coffee. I sleep in and come down a while later. We have breakfast, visit with the other families then we are picked up for another visit with Miles at the Thomas Center. We were told, “this trip is not for bonding,” but we’ve started to bond with him. I kiss him (they also said not to kiss the babies as we could catch something from them). I completely broke this rule from the moment I first held him. Our visit with him is good; he’s happy and on his routine of eating, burping, playing, and napping. We snuggle him and soak in each moment, knowing that we don’t have much time left here.
We have a lot of downtime and it’s painful not to be spending it with Miles.
8/4
Up early, this is our court day with the other families. We head downstairs for coffee and breakfast and we find out that one of the husbands in our group is sick. Not good. He makes it downstairs and we all go to the courthouse. We enter a room and within minutes it is jam-packed, shoulder to shoulder with other people. Everyone in this room is adopting, most are domestic adoptions. There are several European couples who are adopting too. We wait for our turn which is about two hours later. We enter the judge’s office with two other couples. The judge asks us yes/no questions such as: do you have other children? Do your extended families know you are adopting a child from Ethiopia? Do you realize once this is final, you cannot change your mind? Do you plan to teach your child about Ethiopia? We all simply nod and say yes/no as applicable. The judge tells us she has the paperwork needed from us and that she is only waiting on the MOWA letter and that once she has that, we will get our embassy appointment. We are not given a time frame of when that will be. We pray for a miracle of getting to come back late September or October. Our court appointment takes five minutes; we all leave and head to the Thomas Center for our final visit.
We spend our last two hours with him in his room with his “roommates” who are adorable 2-3 year olds. He is the youngest in his room, the nannies adore him. Casey and I share this time, taking turns holding him. I kiss him repeatedly, telling him I love him. The time with him is priceless but it slips by so quickly. I don’t want to say goodbye. We cry a lot. We kiss him and tell him we love him, we pray for him and I have to leave the room. I go downstairs and outside and sit on the pavement and cry with my face in my hands. This is the hardest, most painful day. Casey stays with him and hands him to the nannies. Miles will be taking a nap very soon.
Casey comes down and hugs me. We cry together. Casey reminds me of how far we’ve come and that adopting Miles is the best decision we’ve made. We sob, we hold each other tightly. There is no pain like leaving our child, not knowing for sure when we’ll be back.
We have too much downtime between leaving Miles and getting on the airplane for home. This in-between time is hard. I either want to be with Miles or be home. I don’t want to tour Addis anymore. Back at the guest house, we have a traditional coffee ceremony. The nice Ethiopian girl is making coffee for us; she roasts the beans over charcoal. She brews the coffee in a traditional ceramic pot and serves us the best coffee ever. Popcorn is served too. This is really neat.
We get our bags loaded and we leave for the airport. We pass through security and head for our gate. I start crying hard. I don’t want to leave, this feels wrong. We board and begin our flight to Dubai.
We arrive in Dubai, sleep during our layover and begin our long journey to the U.S. While Casey sleeps, I wipe tears from my eyes. I don’t want to be away from our son.
8/5
We make it to San Francisco and I call my mom. My sister and her girls are there. I cry when I talk to my mom, telling her how hard it is to be away from Miles. She tells me it must be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. She’s right. We board the plane for SeaTac shortly after. John and Charlotte pick us up and we share our pictures and video of Miles with them. We tell them our stories and it feels so good to be with family again. From there we pick up our truck from the Banks house and head home.
Once back, we find that Liz has left our house in perfect order. The dogs are happy to see us. She even made us recipe cards of Ethiopian dishes…so thoughtful! She left a sweet welcome-home card on our table with a bottle of chardonnay. I open the door to Miles’ room and find there’s a beautiful tree painted on the wall with a nest in a branch and an egg in the nest. I find out Liz did this while we were gone. It is perfect, just what I wanted. I am so grateful.
Wendy brings us salad and a white pizza from Spiros along with a growler of Mac and Jacks and a bottle of Chianti. She even brought turkey scraps for the dogs. She is so generous and so thoughtful. It was wonderful to not have to make dinner and eating our favorite pizza was the perfect food to come home to. We are so thankful for our family and friends.
Before heading to bed I send pictures of our friends’ babies as requested. Sleeping in our own bed sounds amazing. I think of Miles and drift off to sleep.
We leave on Wednesday morning! Crazy, I know.
Conversations about this trip are frequent and a few nights ago before drifting off to sleep I said to Casey, “Which of us do you think will make Miles laugh first?” With confidence he said, “Me!” I refuted with a few examples of my own silliness. It was fun to think about Miles laughing.
Just over a year ago while still coping with infertility I was asking God, “Why us? Why can’t we have babies?” Now I’m asking him, “why do WE get this amazing little boy in Ethiopia! How did we get this blessing?” In just a year our story has changed so much…amazing….
There are so many emotions and thoughts going through my head…did I weigh the suitcases and double check? Yes. Anti Malaria prescription, yes. Wipes for Miles, YES. Did I mention we might be changing diapers while actually in motion in the passenger row of a van headed for Addis during a 10 hour van ride? This is a definite possibility. I have NO complaints! Adventure and chaos, absolutely. Are we up for this challenge? Yes, please!
There is so much prepping that goes into a trip like this. It doesn’t seem too overwhelming since I started packing last weekend but there are still so many things I keep tally of in my mind. It’s not so much the packing, the prepping, flying or even the 10+ hour van ride to meet Miles…it’s the moments when my heart is about to burst with joy of the simple thought of seeing my son. One such moment hit me out of nowhere on Friday while at work. I’d just come back from lunch, there was a sweet note on my desk from my cousin (friend/co-worker) and a generous gift and I just started sobbing. My close friend and co-worker Liz came over to me and soon another friend/co-worker returned from lunch (with donations for us to take)…I assured them my tears weren’t from sadness or even anxiety but from just this amazing realization that THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING! Oh my goodness…it’s really happening! Pinch me! We are about to meet Miles! He doesn’t even know it! He doesn’t know us and he’s about to have his whole life and world changed! He doesn’t know he’s about to change our life, for the better! And when I really think about this whole story, it’s amazing to me that Miles is the greatest, most amazing gift to me and Casey. So when I pack and re-weigh suitcases and when I get that stinging Hep A shot in my arm, I think of this amazing baby boy, our son, Miles…and how we’re so close to seeing him. Sweet Miles…soon.
My wife has three suitcases packed just under 50 pounds, full of formula, clothes and blankets... we don't leave for ten days. She's on top of things- how cool is that?
Also, she just told me that we are sharing a suitcase and gave me a change of clothes allowance of two outfits. She and my aunt recommended that I wear layers of clothes on the plane ride to Ethiopia if I want to pack more. I love my wife for how excited she is, how practical her approach to life is and how well she'll love our son, Miles.
Casey
**We waited until that evening to share our exciting court date news with everyone, they were all shocked and thrilled and teary eyed.
**While at my b-day celebration we find out from several family members that they had been praying specifically for us to get into court before a rainy-season closure, we were praying for that miracle too!!!
Today, printing out the travel checklists for us and for what to bring for Miles. We’re heading to Target/Costco today to get the essentials.
We are praising God for his perfect timing and for this blessing. There are no words. We will see our son on July 31st – can’t even type that without crying…
Travel Time line:
July 27th, we leave SeaTac and head to Ethiopia!
July 29 Arrive in Ethiopia
July 30 - Leave for Gimbie in the morning (two vans, four families) - spend night in Nekemte
July 31 - drive to Gimbie - spend time at orphanage - return to Nekemte w/other families and their children, Miles will spend the night at the hotel with us. YIPEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! (We are to bring diapers, snacks, formula, baby clothing for him)
Aug 1 - return to Addis, Miles will stay at the orphanage there ()
Aug 2 - visit kids at Thomas Center/shopping in Addis
Aug 3 - court appointments - depart for home that night
Much love to all for the prayers and support!
July is a special month for me. It’s always been a fun month since I was a kid. July included summer trips to spend with my aunts and grandparents. There was camping, late summer nights of hide and seek with my cousins and playing kick-the-can, adventures to Wild Waves & Enchanted Village. 4th of July is my second favorite holiday to Christmas…and it’s a pretty close second. To me, summer always feels official once we’ve had 4th of July. This special month celebrates our country’s independence and it always reminds me of being blessed to live in this country, even when times can be hard. I love putting out our patriotic décor around the house and a few things out in our front yard. I put our flag out on July 2nd, then I looked up the street two doors and our neighbors followed with their flag, then our awesome neighbor Wendy decided that she’d put her flag out too. This is neat to me, seeing the American Flag proudly displayed on most of the homes on our block. Love it!
This is a month filled with anniversaries and birthdays, mine included J It’s one of the months where people spend more time outside, especially in the Pacific Northwest because we cherish our sunny days.
July is when things in my yard really start exploding with color. My Shasta Daisies are in full bloom! These daisies are special because they’re all starts from Grandma Driver’s yard. The raspberries are ripe for the picking, as are the strawberries (from mom’s and Will’s yard – nothing like sharing the wealth!) My foxglove seems to have come out of the ground from nowhere too. Our lilies are blooming and my roses are gorgeous. I do wish that the wisteria lasted all year long…we have this amazing, huge wisteria that grows on our carport. When it’s blooming the clusters of purple blooms trump anything else in our yard. We have lavender plants, probably 16 in all and multiple varieties. These are beautiful right now too. If my fuchsia plant is on track, it will bloom in July too – its hot pink flowers draw hummingbirds to it until it drops its flowers…the hummingbirds are a bonus J
Two days ago Casey and I picked raspberries in our garden. Once I’d picked all I could find, I set my bowl down to check out my tomato plants and stepped back right onto my freshly picked bowl of raspberries…BUMMER! I stormed into the house, super annoyed. Then I had this thought…I could rinse the berries well and make jam, so that’s what I did. When you step on your berries, you make jam!
Back to birthdays, mine is on Friday and I’m turning 30. People have asked how I feel about turning 30 and I really have no complaints. For one, I can’t stop it and another part about turning 30 is that it’s this year that our son will be home with us. Each year I appreciate life in a new way and I can see so many things to look forward to… and this birthday my sweet husband has a special plan for us to celebrate in Seattle at an Ethiopian restaurant with some family and friends. I can’t wait!
Thursday evening through this morning we camped at Schafer State Park with my sister and her family. Two kids, four adults, four dogs, two tent trailers. The weather was really awesome and the park was peaceful and beautiful. These trips are always special whether it’s walking on trails, finding a sandy spot along the river for wading, roasting marshmallows or sipping French press….it’s all just so nice. Camping allows us down time that we don’t always get when we’re at home. It’s funny because someone recently said to me, “that’s not real camping! Real camping is tents and blue tarps strung up and everyone bundled up together trying to stay warm and dry!” The comment was made because the way we camp is with a tent trailer, not with tents and tarps. We’ve discovered that in the eyes of many, those who camp in tent trailers, campers and RV’s are not truly camping.
I don’t have anything against tent camping and I’ve done plenty of that in my lifetime. I grew up tent camping and Casey and I tent camped the first two years of being married and we had a great time even with Sami and Bella when they first joined our family. We’re actually on our 2nd tent trailer (and have since added Gauge, our German shorthaired pointer to our family.) We had an awesome Craigslist tent trailer for one camping season, then we found an even better one for an amazing price so we upgraded. This is our second camping season with this tent trailer. We’d be the first to say that we’re very content with this style of camping and we don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to camp! Bottom line is that even if our version isn’t what others prefer, it does allow us the very things we sought when we started camping together five years ago: quality time with friends and family, extra time to read books, time to play games or cards together, bike riding, no computer or television, we enjoy walking, exploring the nearby area and all around it’s an ideal time to make memories. So we’ll confess to having a preference of tent trailer camping, and we’ll continue to camp together as a family for as long as we can…heated mattresses and all!
Next trip, Taidnapum!
I miss my son. With each special occasion that comes and goes, I miss him more. I want him to be here to go on camping trips during the summer, birthday parties for my nieces/nephews, to splash around in a swim diaper on the 4th of July. I have this longing for him to be here with us, it’s a longing that doesn’t go away. I can imagine these special occasions with him being here and I can hardly wait.
Down the road when Miles has been here and gets adjusted, his cousins….and there are tons…they will all be vying for his attention and wanting to hold him and kiss him…and the aunties and uncles and Grammies and poppas…they will all be waiting for their turn with Miles too. Across the globe this sweet little boy has no idea of how much loving he’s in for! J We’re all here in Washington, bursting with joy and anticipation for the day when he’s here. We are praying for him daily and pondering his sweetness by the moment. I try to imagine what his laugh sounds like, and I know from our YWAM staff that he’s a baby with a belly laugh and big grin. He is scooting around by now and will be crawling before we know it.
While we are hopeful to have Miles home by Christmas, we will be living in Florida by then. We will be forming our life together with him. While we’re there (Nov. 1-June or July of 2012), we welcome any friends and family to visit us during that time. Miles adds heaps of incentive to visit us in Florida, we get it J
On Wednesday evening (June 15) we received our referral! This is an answer to prayer and a huge step forward! Now we wait for this phase of paperwork to be processed and for us to receive a court date. We still don't know when that will be however we're so excited to see that progress is being made!!!! We were given more pictures of our son, these are treasures to us. Casey and I are soooo in love with this perfect little boy!!!!
With accepting a referral, we were required to pay $7,000. This is a huge chunk of money and we continue to save and do what we can to raise funds. Our sweet friends at That's Beautiful approached Aunt Lisa a month ago or so and offered to help! From 6/20-6/27, 20% of their sales will be given to our adoption fund!!! If you live in the area, please stop by That’s Beautiful to contribute to this amazing event! They have so many beautiful jewelery pieces, purses, clothing items...and more!!!
Location: Port Orchard
Hours: Mon. 11-4 Tues-Fri 11-6 Sat 10-5.
http://www.thatsbeautifuljewelry.com
Doing all we can to bring Miles home!!!!
Miles
Inherent Meaning: Merciful
Spiritual Connotation: Heart of Compassion
According to Geobytes.com, the distance between Port Orchard, WA and the capital city of Ethiopia, Addis Ababa is 8,375 miles. Being that I’ve been a runner since I was coaxed into joining the Cross-Country team as a 7th grader, I know what it feels like to run for miles. Running was and continues to be a great fit for me because I lack the coordination it takes to dribble a basketball and run down the court at the same time, even worse were my attempts at lay-ups. The same applied to my attempts at soccer…I could run the field quickly with agility, but when you add the soccer ball into the mix, my efforts were chaotic and…well, unproductive. Softball was just as bad. I’m pretty sure I struck out 90% of the time. The few times I was able to make contact with the ball, I could get myself from base to base quickly. Needless to say, I became a runner and have stuck with it since the days of being coached by Kenoyer and Durheim. I ran on Cashmere’s Middle School Cross-Country and Track team as a 7th and 8th grader. I continued with Cross-Country as a freshman in high school and lettered that year as well as lettering as a sophomore, junior and senior. I can brag about that after disclosing my extreme lack of coordination J
Over the years, I’ve been curious to know how many miles I’ve run. I started thinking and calculating some rough numbers. Running 2 miles, 4 days a week for 365 days is 2,920 miles. 2,920 miles times 18 years (the number of years I’ve been running…eeik!) the total is 52,560 miles….Wow, that’s a lot of miles!!!! Those are rough numbers but still very interesting when I reflect back on what running has meant to me.
There are plenty of days when I do NOT want to run but I do anyways...And there are plenty of days when I want to run but I don't make the time for it. Over the years and miles I've run, I’ve nursed shin splints, dropped to the ground with calf-cramps…I went through physical therapy after a hip injury during a race (I even finished and took 10th place). I’ve endured the feeling of not being able to move after a 4.5 mile downhill run from the Mission Ridge parking lot to the Squilchuck sledding area for the Ridge to River Relay. For the most part, running has been a consistent form of exercise and a really therapeutic activity for me. I’ve cried during my runs when I’ve been in hard seasons of life, I’ve blasted my Hillsong United albums and sang along during other seasons. I’ve ran miles and miles all around Cashmere, enjoying the orchards I passed by. I’ve ran all through Ellensburg during my college years. Running for a few miles at least a few days a week, brings a different kind of satisfaction. Now days I mostly run up at the SK track or I do sets of "hills" by my house. I have a 4 mile route from my house down to the water and along Beach drive that's always nice on sunny days.
Now, as I reflect on the miles between us and our son I think of the races in life I’ve run and the varied courses, obstacles and the pain I’ve endured just to finish. There were so many times when walking or crawling was all I felt I could do, but instead I ran. Instead I came to understand that not only is my body more physically capable than I thought, but I am emotionally and mentally stronger than I once gave myself credit for. Really, running so many miles in my life has taught me that I am capable of enduring and completing anything I put my mind to. When I'm equipped with faith and supported and encouraged by friends and family on the side lines...the reward and feeling of accomplishment is huge.
This 8,375 mile journey to our son is hard, it’s stressful at times, and it requires discipline and patience. Today is one of those days. I scanned over the estimated time frame for adoption and cried. We still have a long ways to go…gulp…. The miles and the time between us seem so far. In response to my anxiety today my sister Erin said, "Remember, God's care for him is better than ours...trust that!" Casey said, "God of the universe is in control and LOVES our son."
I know in the end, every side ache, every sleepless night, every document I stress over, every tear will have been worth it when we finally hold our son Miles and bring him home.
Ps. 34:8 Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh the joys of those who take refuge in him!
On Saturday Casey and I went to a Potluck for YWAM Ethiopia families. I was initially not planning to sign us up because I’d made the assumption that once again, we’d be the only ones without kids. Well we did end up going, and I’m so glad we did! It was well organized by the awesome YWAM team and the help from the Tacoma Children’s Museum staff. I was blessed to see a huge room filled with families and specifically I was so blessed to see all of the Ethiopian children. I haven’t seen many Ethiopian children in person and I was definitely marveling at their beauty! We met several couples who are at various stages of adoption and also met families who already have their children home. It was definitely a neat experience.
Sunday, Casey and I drove over to Seattle to the Pan Africa Restaurant & Bar on 1st street. We met up with Chris and Laura there for our Ethiopian cooking class (thank you both for this wonderful gift!) The class was fairly small and it was led by a really nice Ethiopian man who definitely knows a lot about Ethiopian cooking. He created a fun environment for all of us to learn and eat J He was actually quite the jokester too!
We were all able to put together little appetizer treats which were D-LISH! Then we moved on to the main course and Laura and I were able to show some of our skills in dicing veggies and frying up lamb. Again, this was SO tasty I was thoroughly impressed, not to mention satisfied! The experience was incredible and I’m so glad we had this opportunity to do some hands on Ethiopian cooking. We came home with a cool recipe book that we’ll get lots of good use out of in the future – so friends, family just you wait! We may be showing up to our next family get-together with Ethiopian food!
I found out that 3 YWAM families received their referrals on Tuesday! I am so excited for them!!! Our Dossier is on its way to Ethiopia – this is SO amazing to me! Our paperwork!!! Our huge stack of paperwork is making its way across the globe!!! We’re praying for speedy delivery and for the next steps to happen smoothly.
This weekend is a Potluck for YWAM Ethiopia families- we’re looking forward to meeting other families in our area! Sunday we’re going to an Ethiopian cooking class with Casey’s mom and stepdad. This is going to be awesome, we can’t wait!!!
I heard a neat song this morning on Pandora that I know I've heard before but it really resonated with me today as I thought of the words I had recently written to someone about our adoption journey. First, here is the excerpt from the email I had sent, reflecting on some of what we have experienced. This is very personal to both of us, but it's important to see where we were a year ago, and where the Lord has brought us through grace.
"My past expectation was that getting pregnant would happen to me, easily, and it was hard to swallow when reality set in that such was not the case for us. Friends easily and "accidentally" were pregnant right and left, and by now several friends have had two children in the time it's taken us to have none...
Much like you, it nearly broke me to see that my husband was experiencing a very real, very painful loss as well. He initially could not even think or talk about adoption, but I was ready to move forward and became irritated that he wouldn't just get on board! Infertility brought havoc on our marriage and we drug ourselves to grief counseling last summer. The Lord is sovereign and took the time he needed to bring us to our knees, asking us to give it to him already! Through counseling, prayer, healing, Beth Moore Bible studies, family/friends' support and grace...we are making it!”
This song is by Gungor – Beautiful things. I can soooo relate to seeing the “beautiful things” that have come from the “dust” in our life. Amen!!
All this pain
I wonder if I'll ever find my way?
I wonder if my life could really change at all?
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found?
Could a garden come up from this ground at all?
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
Oh, you make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
Making me new
You make beautiful things
(You make me new)
You make beautiful things out of the dust
(You are making me new, making me new)
You make beautiful things
(You make me new)
You make beautiful things out of us
(You are making me new, making me new)
Visit http://www.xtralyrics.com
Oh, you make beautiful things
(You make me new)
You make beautiful things out of the dust
(You are making me new, making me new)
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
Credits :
songwriters: gungor, lisa; gungor, michael
© worshiptogether.com songs
Last Tuesday, the 3rd, we mailed our Dossier to the Washington State Secretary of State for authentification. It was returned to us with the appropriate seals of approval on Saturday the 14th. Monday the 9th I mailed it to Virginia where the “Assistant Stork” is located. I have to say, there aren’t many things that really stress me out, but putting our 61+ page dossier in the mail, headed for Virginia was terrifying. Letting that crucial stack of paperwork go was difficult to say the least.
We’ve collected the necessary paperwork over the past few months, caring for it meticulously; knowing that this paperwork is truly essential for our adoption to take place. As I dropped the package off for mailing, I said a prayer, asking for speedy delivery and quick turnaround. Today I checked the tracking number on the package and it has indeed arrived to the “Assistant Stork.” Sigh….
Next stop for our Dossier (assuming all goes well) is our official agency in Ferndale, WA. , from there it will be mailed to Ethiopia to be translated into two languages. After our Dossier is approved, we wait for our approval…Then after that we wait for the appointment of our first court date in Ethiopia!
Another very cool thing happened during our rummage sale. The day was coming to a close and there was one sweet woman looking through the 'treasures' we were selling. She came across a little yellow purse that had been donated to us to sell. She walked up to me and handed me two crisp $100 bills and said, "these were in this purse." I was shocked that this woman had been honest about telling us she'd found this money in a donated purse. As my mom, sister and I stood there in shock, we talked about what a blessing $200 additional dollars would be for our adoption fund. My sister said, "that could pay for your son's passport."
We asked our friends and family who had made donations if the purse sounded familiar and still no one has claimed it. If we knew who had donated the purse, we would want them to have the money that is theirs. Not one person has come forward. The sales that we had made that day were a definite blessing; the additonal $200 was another affirmation that we're being taken care of and that the money will be provided!
We're having another rummage sale to raise funds for our adoption! First, thank you to everyone who has donated their "stuff" to this cause. We are so very grateful!
The sale is Saturday, May 7th from 9am-4pm at our house. 255 Farragut Ave. So. Port Orchard.
We have furniture, books, clothes, kitchen stuff, shoes and tons of other things :)
The weather isn't looking awesome but since we had the last sale in the rain, we're pros at this now! We hope to see you there!
While we wait for our I-171H (our formal letter that will allow us to be matched with a child), life moves forward. We welcome spring out our house and have begun projects outside. We are gearing up to get our garden planted and I can’t wait for fresh chard, snap peas, tomatoes…love it!
We took our first camping trip of the season to Fort Worden and enjoyed a site that was 100ft or less to the beach. Through broken bouts of rain, we spent plenty of time walking the beach or riding our bikes with the dogs happily chugging along side J Camping slows us down to a relaxed pace and we enjoy each trip we take. We can hardly wait for camping trips with our son. The experience will be entirely different and we know it will be a blast!!
These days my Grandma Driver is ailing and I very unwillingly walk forward in this phase of life. It pains me to think of days ahead without her. She is a pillar of strength and love in our family and I cringe at the thought of our children not knowing her. In her generation, blended families were unheard of but she knows how to love anyone and everyone, wholly, just as they are. Before her mind started slipping away, she accepted and encouraged me and Casey in our adoption process and I’m happy to have her support. Her love is so Christ-like. I am proud to have a Grandmother that has always set the bar high when it comes to loving and caring for family, friends and strangers.
We will be having another rummage sale early in May and anything we don’t sell will be donated, again, to Lisa’s church for a fundraiser they are doing. Date/time TBD.
Ps. 112: 7,8 I will have no fear of bad news; my heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. My heart is secure, I will have no fear; in the end, I will look in triumph on my foes.
One of the ways we've decided to raise funds to adopt from Ethiopia is through a rummage sale. We've been talking about the idea since December and friends and family members have already donated a ton of items to sell. If you've got any items to donate, we will gladly sell them and the money will go towards our adoption expenses. Please contact us via email if you have donations: therealrobbinsnest@hotmail.com. We'd be more than happy to pick up items near or far, big or small.
Date of sale: March 26 and 27
Time: 9am-5pm
Where: 255 Farragut Ave. South, Port Orchard
What is for sale:
You name it! Clothing, furniture, craft supplies, storage bins, art work, Christmas decorations, misc. electronics, books, CDs and much more!
Thanks again everyone for your support!
On thursday Gwen gave me bags and bags full of little boy clothes, shoes, crib bedding, diapers, child-proofing gear...the list goes on. This blessed Casey and me so much, I could have cried. We had so much fun going through everything and I even lined up the bag full of shoes in a row....quite a long line of shoes! It is amazing to me that we don't even have our son home and we already have everything we need for him when it come to clothes, bedding, shoes, even a good start of diapers! I really don't think we will need to purchase much at all, if anything. Thank you Gwen, Eric and Titan for sharing so generously with us and our son, it means so much to us.
My mom has taken the time to find diverse Christmas ornaments and found several African Christmas Angels for us to add to our tree next year. Will is working on building things for us to sell in order to raise money, so neat.
Laura texted me last night with a name suggestion and we texted back and forth about being so excited to just meet this little person God has chosen to be part of our family.
James has recently been doing some construction work for a woman in Pouslbo and he shared our story with her and mentioned that we're collecting things for a rummage sale. This sweet women who we don't even know has donated TONS of great items for us to sell.
My Dad is constantly researching Ethiopia and their food. He has purchased new ingredients to try various meals and I'm sure Linda is his best taste-tester!
So many family and friends have purchased coffee; we never thought we'd have an opportunity to raise funds through coffee, but it's working! Thank you coffee lovers :) You know who you are!!
Lisa has found repeat coffee purchasers and continues to help us in that way. We will be getting 30 more bags to sell, with two new varieties in addition to the one we've already been selling.
So many of you, praying, donating, encouraging...It is hard for me to fully express what this means to us. When our son is old enough to know his story and to know how many people pitched in to help bring him home, we will do our very best not to leave a single person out of that story!
Much love to all of you who are on this journey with us!
There is something frightening about mailing such official documents as our I600A that went out in the mail yesterday. This package includes a very official government document; our birth certificates, marriage certificate, and our homestudy as well as a large chunk of change. This packet is on a journey to USCIS – US Citizenship & Immigration Services in Texas, then it will be distributed to our local UCIS office for further review. It is scary and exciting…but I’m more nervous than anything at this point. I know God is in control and our prayer is for quick transit of our package and for it to arrive safely in one piece and to be 100% complete so that it doesn’t get sent back to us.
Many, many steps await us, but right now the processing and approval of our I600A brings the greatest milestone thus far, the opportunity and blessing to select a little boy who will be our son. Gulp. The time frame on this is open-ended, some couples’ I600As are approved in as little as a few weeks and others wait for 30, 60, 90 days. The waiting is hard when we know there is a little boy who is meant to be our son is waiting for us across the globe. I think of Isaiah 40:31, “Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.”
I've been watching YWAM's Blog site for updates from Joy Casey as she travels around Ethiopia to the orphanages where our son is now or where he will be in the coming months...
I read her update today with a lump in my throat, still wondering, "Is Joy holding, hugging and loving on our son!!??" I wonder with a sense of envy and excitement. Her update is near to my heart. I savor the very thought of her being at work there, serving these children by helping them find their "forever families."
http://thatwemightbeadopted.blogspot.com/
Casey and I are at peace that progress is taking place, even when we are playing the waiting game. As soon as our homestudy is written/approved we can submit the next chunk of paperwork, which I've already completed :) because I prefer to be working ahead on these things!
I recently made an Ethiopian stew and we look forward to trying more recipies and even getting back over to Seattle soon to eat out. I would also love to go to church in the Ethiopian community so we'll need to get that on our calender too.
There is much to be excited about!
In the past week we have had some extra special blessings come our way. We had a really nice dinner with our amazing friends James and Liz last week - they prepared a wonderful meal, and Sorbet to finish it off! We played Yatzee, a first for me and had a blast laughing and catching up. Liz also gave me a special gift, a necklace with a frame-charm and the picture inside is of Africa, with a heart over Ethiopia…tears…joy…gratitude.
Then last Friday Lisa told us that through the support of friends/Bible study ladies, she had collected $150 to go towards our adoption. Seriously?! AMEN!!!
Then we spent the weekend in Wenatchee with family, celebrating Mattea's 8th birthday; sledding, skiing, playing the Wii. We went to the church that Glen and his kids go to and experienced a really amazing worship service (Gabe plays a huge part in with sound and lighting). We also played a painfully long game of Monopoly - props to Kaelyn for dominating! And it must be said that we did some serious pigging out on cake and Coke. Casey arranged a special birthday gift for Mattea, a horseback riding lesson.
Then as this week progressed Will installed another new back door...the old door was broken and quite drafty for the past two years. Now we have two new back doors that look AMAZING! No drafts! And they even lock, YES! Thank you so much!!!
The week got even better when Casey told me that our dear friends Mark and Lindsey Anderson had cut trim to fit around our bathroom door and were coming tonight to install it. Who would have thought that three pieces of wood around a door would make me so happy? Well it looks amazing and who doesn't like to see projects get finished! AND Lindsey brought a huge box of clothes for our little boy in the size range that I didn't have any clothes yet. She brought my favorites - hand me downs! Many of which still have the tags on. Her box included a Johnny-Jump-Up, shoes, blankets, hats...thank you Lindsey, thank you!
As if all of this wasn't enough, while Mark was installing the trim, James and Liz came up to our house to drop off TONS of items for our Spring Adoption-Rummage Sale Fundraiser! Thanks so much!
As I type, it is 9:47am on Friday morning in Addis Ababa. YWAM Ethiopia's Executive Director, Joy Casey is in Ethiopia now. It excites me to think of the babies and children she gets to meet and love on while there. It gives me chills to think that she may be holding our child during this trip. We are praying for her and the others from YWAM Ethiopia who are traveling there now and for the children they are spending time with. This organization of people is amazing, we are so blessed to have a part in this.
We have so many reasons to be thankful, so many that I've forgotten to mention in this posting. On this chilly January night, my heart is full of joy and anticipation and I am thinking of my son in Ethiopia, waiting for that day...
We took part in a 12 hour International-Adoption training this past weekend. The training was EXCELLENT and our friends/hosts at YWAM Ethiopia did a really amazing job by providing honest and helpful information. During our training we met several families who have adopted through our agency and their stories were truly inspiring. For me, the training was yet another affirmation that we are supposed to be adopting. We saw video footage of families from our agency as they met their children for the first time...we sipped Ethiopian coffee, we listened to information about health, travel, time-frames...It was all so very helpful.
Another neat part of the training was that we were in a room with four other couples who are in the process of adopting from Ethiopia too. Each with their own story and each with genuine desire to parent a child/children from Ethiopia. The training allowed us to ask questions and receive authentic answers. I wish our friends and family could have all joined us for this because I really believe the information is valuable to all those who will be in contact with us and our child.
We have our third home study visit on Wednesday. We are hoping that this will be our final visit however there are no guarantees that we won't need a fourth visit to wrap up any loose ends. Basically our social worker is just trying to get to know us so that she can write an accurate and very thorough report about us. She isn't actually "studying" our home but she did come visit us at our house to do a 'walk through' and see that our home is safe. We will keep you all posted as we make progress!
Last Friday Casey and I hopped on the ferry to Seattle for our first Ethiopian dinner in the Central District. Before dinner we decided to stop at the Tana Market on Cherry Street. I noticed two women behind the counter enjoying something that looked amazing so I asked one of them if she had any recipe suggestions and also asked about what they were eating. Before I knew it a young man walked toward me with a giant plate of Injera topped with a mild sauce and cooked potatoes. This was quite an interesting dish and we ended up buying several spices, raw coffee beans to roast at home as well as two bottles of Ethiopian beer. From the Tana Market we walked across the street for our first ever cup of Ethiopian coffee, wow, this was amazing. We met our friends Clyde and Stephanie and walked to the nearby Lalibela Ethiopian Restaurant. The four of us feasted on a GIANT plate of Injera loaded with various vegetables, meats, lentils, beans and sauce. The method for eating dinner was tearing pieces of Injera then using it to scoop up whichever vegetables or meats you wanted. The experience was incredible and we had a wonderful time eating and catching up with our friends. After dinner the four of us enjoyed a farewell cup of Ethiopian coffee and then parted ways. We won’t forget our experience from last Friday and we hope to go back for more coffee and next time we plan to eat an Ethiopian breakfast.
Since Tana and I have started the adoption process we've been reminded on a weekly basis of how thankful we are to have supportive family and friends. At least once a week we've been given money, items to sell or have been prayed for or over regarding adoption. We can't tell you how much this process has changed us and deepened our faith because of the support we've been provided. We'd like to especially thank:
Steve and Linda Parmley
Grandma Parmley
Clyde and Stephanie Crow
Kristi Anderson
Lisa and D.J. Sigurdson
The Banks Family
Aunt Dianne Olson
Eric and Gwen Torgerson
Chris & Laura Olson
The women in Tana's Bible study
Chasely Garcia
The women in Tana's office
Mary Anne Van doornik and her son, Mark
Sheila Cochran and her Bible study
The Marcus Whitman Admin staff
Bridget Pinneo
And most importantly God for using us to bring a beautiful child home from Ethiopia!
Also, be sure to check out our outtakes on youtube... the video was not easy to produce :)
We asked for donated items for a rummage sale that we plan on having to help raise funds. Please continue to keep us in mind as you clean out your closets/garage, etc. because we do plan to have a sale in the early part of Spring. We are aiming for March at this point. If you have a stash of items for us that you would like to get moved out of your house, just send us an email, text, give us a call or drop by the house and we'll add your donated items to our collection.
Many thanks!
Casey & Tana
We are so grateful to the Anderson’s, Liz and James for writing reference letters for part of our adoption paperwork. Thank you Erin for your heart-felt family reference letter too. These letters require a great deal of thought and time and we don’t take for granted having friends/family who were more than willing to write letters of recommendation for us.
In order to schedule our first home study visit Casey and I had to prepare quite a few notarized documents; employment verification, doctor’s assessments, fingerprints, individual autobiographies (25-30pages long!), and more. We are fortunate to know a very special Washington State Notary, Lisa J she kindly met us at our doctor's office two days in a row to notarize for us, thank you!! So now we wait for the call from our social worker to schedule our first home study visit. This is just one more step in the right direction!
We are still at the very beginning of this process but already we are amazed at the support we are receiving from our friends and family. We have received financial gifts and are so blessed by that. We have had TONS of items given to us for our rummage sale and we can’t say thank you enough to everyone for eagerly giving to us. We are so thankful for your prayers. We continue to pray for the child we have yet to meet. I often wake up in the middle of the night stirred to pray, so I do.
Yesterday I started to put together a crib that my sister gave me and found that I was missing several critical pieces of hardware. So I set off to our nearby hardware store with a short list of items I needed: wood screws in two sizes and four metal pins. Once back home I got back to putting the crib together until I found I’d purchased the wrong screws and the wrong metal pins. I headed back to the hardware store, a tad bit annoyed that I was making a second trip. I was home within 20 minutes to start again only to find that this time the screws were the right ones but the metal pins were way too big. You can probably imagine my frustration…Casey suggested I just leave it and walk away. I thought to myself, “yeah, right! I don’t give up that easily!” So back to the hardware store for the third time where the checker smiled at me as I entered saying, “you’re back again!” I smiled and nodded. This time I picked out two different size metal pins just in case. Within minutes I was back to the house and this time I’d gotten things right and I was able to assemble the crib in 15 minutes. Perseverance pays!
The white crib looks almost perfect in the bedroom closest to ours. So now we wait, believing God will grow our family just as he’s grown our hearts to love a child we’ve yet to see or hold.
I can hardly believe that our adoption application was accepted already! I dropped it in the mail late on Saturday afternoon and had received the email acceptance on Monday at 3:44pm. That is fast!
So now we are filling out additional paperwork and preparing to send in our $3,000.00 acceptance fee. There is a need for us to be moving forward as steady as possible because we still don’t know for sure when we will be moving to Florida (temporarily) for Casey’s military training. At this point we could go as early as February or as late as July.
There are several critical pieces to all of this adoption paperwork that must be taken care of while we are in Washington; therefore we really need to be proceeding with a sense of urgency.
We are SO excited at the progress we’ve made so far. Thank God!!!
Yesterday Casey and I were fingerprinted at the local police department so that we can have a full background check completed. Our second stop was to the City Clerk’s office where we submitted our passport applications and were sworn in over the information being correct. Our passport pictures were taken and we were on our way. We accomplished quite a lot in less than an hour and we even had time to drop our fingerprinting packet in the mail. We are praying that the passport paperwork is handled efficiently as well as our background checks and that there are no delays in the process!
Hi everyone,
We have some exciting news to share! We are growing our family through adoption and we’re beginning the process now. For those of you who don’t know, we hoped to begin a family two years ago but we haven’t been able to conceive. We made a few minor fertility attempts but ultimately knew we didn't want to spend a lot of money pursuing fertility treatments and we stopped seeing our specialist early in the summer.
We’ve been interested in adoption for quite some time but there’s a big difference in being “interested” in adopting and actually agreeing and acting on adoption. God is definitely moving in our lives and he has given us prompting to act in faith as we grow our family through adoption.
There are many unknowns at this point but we’re excited at the very thought of the child we’ll eventually bring home. We are thinking and praying for him/her and can’t wait to be united as a family! We are in the very early steps of this lengthy process and we are hoping to adopt a son from Ethiopia in the age range of newborn-2years old.
If you’re willing, we ask for your commitment in praying for us and for the child God wants us to parent. Please pray about if/how you are to be involved financially as we humbly and graciously seek financial support. For those of you who were planning to give us a Christmas gift, please resist the temptation to do so. If you simply can't stand the idea of not giving us something, please consider giving a financial gift that we would in turn use for our adoption.
There is nothing we need more than prayer, support and financial assistance. We have an account with PayPal under my quinnland3737@hotmail.com address where donations can be made. It is humbling for us to even ask for assistance but we cannot claim to have the financial part of this taken care of.
We believe in a plan that is far better than the plan we sought over two years ago and we’re blessed to have our family and friends’ support.
Blessings,
Casey and Tana
therealrobbinsnest.shutterfly.com
255 Farragut Ave. So.
Port Orchard, WA 98366
Casey 360.440.0810
Tana 360.990.2412
Nope, I didn't post anything yesterday (yes, only two days into my goal of daily gratitude...) but we had/have a very sick dog and I had a dentist appointment and the day just got away from me...so as wrong as it sounds, I did have the conscious thought that I'm thankful for nitrous because it made my two hour dentist appointment quite relaxing.
As we enter this season, I'm challenging myself to provide a few words each day about what I'm thankful for. Today I'm most thankful for my husband and the friendship we have.
*my 'thanks' for Saturdays and Sundays will be posted on Mondays
You'll need:
-green tomatoes
-a shallow baking dish with about 1/4 -1/2 inch of flour mixed with your favorite seasonings (garlic, herbs, salt, pepper)
In a frying pan heat up some oil then turn the heat down to medium.
Drop 1/2 inch slices of green tomatoes in the flour mixture, covering all sides then drop into the frying pan. You don't want to cook the tomatoes too fast so keep an eye on the heat setting and lower the heat as needed. Watch the shade of the tomatoes go from a brighter green to a lighter green. When the flour coated tomatoes turn slightly brown, they should be done.
This isn't a super healthy food but with the right flour mixture they taste very yummy!
I'm like a kid in that I can't get enough of camping. It started when I was a very young girl camping with Grandma and Grandpa Driver - trips that I will never forget nor have they. Those memories are priceless and have spread into my adult years with full force. Casey and I are campers! In the summer we camp a lot and we camp well; we love each trip with all of the ups and downs of trying new campgrounds, abandoning our phones and internet....eating our favorite camping meals....ahhhh life is good and we are so blessed!
We leave for 4 days starting tomorrow- and even though there's a burn ban where we're headed, I know fun will be had! We can sit around together even without a campfire...even if we have to make 'Smores over our propane stove! Even though Paul's activity will be limited with his recent injury...We will still have fun, I just know it! Someday we'll look back and laugh about our crazy trip to Sauvie Island or how a faulty electrical switch caused lights to come on while traveling and burned 9 holes in the canvas of our new tent trailer...or trying to fall asleep at an RV Park next to I-5 and the railroad tracks...or thinking Kitsap Memorial State Park was being taken over by gangs...There is always adventure and I think that's what keeps us loading up our tent trailer and heading out to camp as much as we possibly can!
I used to not really like the song by Jeremy Camp "I Still Believe." I guess I was refusing to agree with what he was singing about but now I can own these words too. These words are powerful and more true to me than ever before.
Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I don't know where to start
But its now that I feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain
I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe
Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see you prepare
But its now, that I feel, your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain
I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe
Well the only place I can go is into your arms
Where I throw to you my feeble prayers well in brokenness
I can see that this was your will for me
Help me to know that you are near
I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe
I still believe
Ohhh, I still believe, I still believe
Our tallest Sunflower measured in at 9.5 feet tall! Oh, and by Sunflower I mean the real flower/plant, not our new hen who is named Sunflower...that'd be one scary chicken!
Garden harvest: swiss chard is plentiful as is the red leaf lettuce. The snap peas took a beating from the hot days and my lack of watering...but we had a really great crop for a few weeks and now we just have a little less. The tomatoes are coming along nicely but not ripe yet, can't wait! I picked various types of squash the other day which make a nice salad topping! The corn isn't ready yet but it is coming along nicely! And I was quite happy to dig up several nice sized red potatoes the other day. That brings me to the raspberries which are producing first season berries which are smaller but still tasty. Our strawberries are taking over and we saw berries for a few weeks earlier this summer but only a few now. Blackberries are almost in full swing. We picked lots last weekend and topped vanilla ice cream with our fresh blackberries-YUM! The green onions are tall and thick and for some reason I have a hard time clipping them for salads, etc. because they just look so happy, like flowers!
Flowers...we grow a variety of lavender plants from the deep purple Lodden Blue English to Fred Boutin to Grosso and various Spanish Lavender. The lavender is perhaps another love of mine. It's easy to grow as long as you have plenty of full sun and doesn't require too much up-keep. I walk out to admire mine at least once a week, it's gorgeous and smells wonderful too. I harvest a lot of it for dryer sachets but haven't ventured into using it for cooking yet. My sister suggested making some simple syrup so I plan to try that this year. I give a lot of it away too in Mason jars...it makes a good gift! The rest of our yard (except for our grass) is doing well; roses seem to be flourishing, Shasta Daisies are happy as ever, the Snapdragons are still blooming and my Fuschia plant is fuller than ever...in all I love this time of year when our yard is loaded with color and the mint has nearly taken over...
And now it's time for me to round up my bunnies and to shut the coop door. Ah, this is the life!
Today we had a fun visit to the Gentle Giant Meadows Ranch to pick up three new hens.
That was the main reason for our visit. Secondly I’m a country girl at heart and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to spend some time on a true farm. We were greeted enthusiastically by Maureen and Greg who own and operate the 40 acre farm in Vaughn. Over the course of a couple hours we toured their farm and were able to watch as their sheepdog “Bran” herded the sheep into their feeding pen. Then we watched as the goats came running from their pasture to the barn for their evening feeding too. Greg even let us watch as he milked one of the goats. While we watched the curious younger goats nudged us with their noses, licked our legs, nibbled our jeans and one had its nose up the side of Casey’s shorts. I was giggling as these little sweeties inspected the inside of the rubber boots and a couple of them stood on their hind legs, leaning on me, just to say hello and sniff me for peanuts…their favorite treat. Another good laugh came at Liz’s expense after she accidentally touched the electric wire that keeps the goats from standing on the wooden fence. Liz jumped then squealed and I immediately burst into laughter…she laughed too so I didn’t feel quite so terrible about laughing at her expense.
Then we were also introduced to their “Gentle Giants” Lady and Quest – better known as Draft Horses. These were by far the largest horses I have ever seen or had the privilege to touch. They were gentle and very well mannered and they left me full of awe.
We said hello to baby chickens…ones that are destined to be eaten…but still very, very cute. We greeted young turkeys who will be the main course for many local families this Thanksgiving and Christmas. We saw several embarrassed hens that were clearly at the bottom of the pecking order as their bottoms had been plucked clean of feathers. (I’d be bumming hard too!) And we saw the mighty roosters strut around as if to say, “We’re in charge here.”
And then I entered the hen house with Greg offering my help at capturing three hens for us and two for Liz. My help was…well…not helpful. Greg quickly asked me which ones I wanted and then he swooped his hands down around the hens in a motion I could not replicate. I stood there taking up space as 20+ hens ran for the corners, flew over my head and stirred chicken dust everywhere while Greg grabbed the total of five hens and I pretty much just watched. We left after many, many “thank yous” to Greg and Maureen for their hospitality and Maureen wouldn’t let us leave without a warm hug, “I’m from ” she said, “and that’s how we say goodbye to friends!”
We came home with a Barred Rock (dubbed Poppy…but it has to be said that we’re on our third run of using the name Poppy since the previous two had been killed); another is a Buff Orpington named Sunflower or Sunny for short and lastly the Sex-link named Rose. If you didn’t catch it, our hens are all named after flowers and the three originals from last summer are alive and well on our farm: Daisy, Tulip and Violet or Vi for short. I call them the "Original Recipe."
Tonight Casey, Mia and I went outside when it was fully dark to put Poppy, Sunny and Rose in with the original three hens that were all sleeping in their coop. The purpose of using this method is hopefully to trick them into waking tomorrow and thinking, “hmm….well you’re here now so you must have been here all along” and we hope it will decrease the original three’s efforts to peck the new ones. That’s the theory anyways…we’ll see how it goes in the morning. Until then, nighty night from the Robbins’ nest!
Can I just say that I don't know exactly what God is planning for Casey and me...but I know it's huge and amazing. And I don't know when, but it IS coming!
And one more thing I'd like to recap from something I read this week that struck a chord with me is this: more often than not, what we consider as "Plan B" (or C or D or E for that matter) in terms of what we "plan for" in life - is usually the true "Plan A" - I really just have to soak that up...my so-called "Plan A" wasn't really what was best for me and that there's a far better plan than I could have thought of.
In my dream I woke to find something tucked through the edge of our front door. I pulled the small piece of paper out to see it was a note from a friend and she'd scribbled a Bible verse on it -a verse she was certain I needed to receive.
It's weird though, I have no idea what the verse was and I really wish I did! If you have a verse for me, please share :)
Most of you know that I ran cross-country from the 7th grade through my senior year of high school. Through that time I learned so much about myself and how much my legs and lungs are capable of. I had two amazing coaches who challenged me to run harder, faster and to not give up on myself. They really taught me a lot over those six years and I still look back at that time of my life with fond memories; funny stories, team dinners, and friendships. One friendship was strong then but somehow short-lived. This friend was really only part of my life for a couple of years during high school and she was two grades above me. She was a natural runner and she and her twin sister were always the top two on our team. She and I became close friends and I don’t remember exactly when, but at some point she became a Christian. She went away to college and we drifted apart. It’s been at least eight or ten years since we’ve been in touch and sadly, I haven’t really thought about her much at all…until last weekend that is. Out of nowhere, she was on my mind but I had no idea why.
Last Sunday evening, I logged into my Facebook account and who do you think I had a “friend request” from? Yep, it was that old running friend of mine, after a decade of not being in touch, at all. This was all so coincidental; that I was thinking about her and she was thinking about me…or was it?
I sent her a Facebook message on Monday morning and told her that she too had been on my mind, but I wasn’t sure why. I asked how she was doing, how long she’d been married and if she had kids. She responded with answers to all of my questions, speaking happily about her marriage and her family. She asked me to tell her about my life and so I did.
I shared how Casey and I had met at Central, where we live now; I listed off our pets, and told her that we don’t have any kids yet. I explained the past 21 months of ‘trying’ and tests and tears and in the end I asked if she’d ever want to get together the next time I’m in Wenatchee.
I received her response this morning and I wept while I read her words of encouragement and her shared anguish. She and her husband tried for 18 months before they were finally pregnant. She could relate to so much of my story and she told me that she would be praying for Casey and me.
It wasn’t a coincidence at all that she and I had been thinking about each other out of nowhere last weekend. It was something that God had put on our hearts and I know I needed to hear her story and God’s victory there. I also need her prayers and I’m so thankful she offered them.
I wonder how many opportunities I may have missed where God was nudging me to reach out to someone? I hope and pray to keep my heart and eyes open so that God can continue to reveal himself through others. And I hope to remain open and honest about my life and our story because you never know when someone might need to hear it.
The other night I had this strange dream. I was seeing my doctor for a post-surgery appointment. The doctor in my dream was a woman and in reality our fertility doctor is a man. At this appointment, privacy wasn’t exactly available. I sat across from her at a big oak desk and all of the other people waiting to see her were crowded in her small office too, they weren’t out in a waiting room. Even in my dream, that seemed very strange to me.
In my dream my female doctor spoke English but she had a very strong accent. She hurriedly spoke at me about what I could only assume was her life, her family, her friends and her problems. I could really only understand fragments of her rushed sentences. She barely addressed any of my questions about the recent surgery; how it went, how much endometriosis they found, when could we hope to get pregnant? She provided only one-word answers and even those were hard to understand.
In my dream I looked at her with complete bewilderment thinking, “I cannot understand anything this woman is saying. This is ridiculous!” I stood up to leave, feeling frustrated and at that moment I noticed she’d scribbled something on a notepad. She wrote, “Patient: Tana Robbins- very difficult to understand. Arrange for translator for next appointment.” I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped when she said that, "What? She can't understand ME?"
Don’t ask, it’s weird, I know. I just remember waking up and wondering how such a bazaar situation had occurred in my dreamy head. I’ve been thinking about our real life follow up doctor appointment that’s scheduled for next Tuesday, not really stressing about it, but just curious to hear what he’ll say and what hope he might provide us.
This past weekend Casey worked at McChord for his monthly “drill” weekend and I went to church on my own, and sat with my parents. I noticed a couple sitting directly in front of us. It was a husband and wife, and the wife had her arm looped through her husband’s as they sat. How sweet, I thought to myself. The service began and we stood to sing a few minutes later and the couple stood side by side, still interlocked; her left arm with his right arm. It dawned on me that the woman was blind. Her eyes were gently closed, in what appeared to be a calm and peaceful state. The image gripped me. I thought about the trust that must require. I thought about how these two humans must love and care for one another in a way that most of us will never know, at least not until we're all much older.
Surely this man relies on his wife in many ways, but the woman must have a degree of reliance and trust in her husband that’s beyond comprehension. My mind raced as I thought about every footstep the husband would need to warn his wife about; every curb, every stair, each uneven edge of cement, every change in gradient…the list goes on and on. Without her sight, she certainly has a heightened sense of sound and smell in order to familiarize herself with her surroundings. But still, the thought of being blind is daunting.
Don’t get me wrong, I trust my husband very much and I know he looks out for my well being. Casey is cautious and careful and very much my protector. He provides compassion, love, security and strength. I don’t want to downplay the trust that we share, that’s not my intention at all. We share a very strong and healthy trust. Still, I would like to point out that the blind woman being guided, protected and led by the arm of her husband, that’s like…super-trust or über trust if you will.
To walk with sight is such a privilege; we hurry out of bed, hop in and out of the shower, and get into our car and drive. We see the rosy cheeks of a newborn baby; we lovingly lock eyes with our spouse across a crowded room, we see the millions of twinkling stars at night. Without eyesight, does one just trust that the rosy cheeks of a newborn are among the most beautiful sights? Does someone without sight just trust that the eyes of her spouse are locked only on her? Does someone without sight just trust that at night the blackened sky is dusted with millions of seemingly tiny but brilliantly twinkling lights?
Wouldn’t it happen that the message that Sunday was themed around...yes, you guessed it: trust. We’re actually going through this series called Miracle Growth (clever huh!) And the topic from Sunday was spot on. One of the phrases shared was, "you can have growth or control but you can't have both." 'Hmm,' I thought to myself, that's an interesting way to look at things. That phrase, I thought, has been my struggle. I've wanted to control things and I've not been fully prepared to trust or grow. At the same time I've wanted growth. While I don't think my growth has ceased entirely over the past 21 months, I do think it has been stunted by my need to control things that are out of my control entirely.
I'd like to share the question that Jonathan Stone presented in the mesage: How does control get in the way of growth? And the four answers suggested were 1) You fail to recognize the real enemy 2) You live with false expectations 3) You try to fix all of the problems 4) You get in the way of what God is doing. And the action point was simply: Trust that God is in control. (Credit to NewLife and Jonathan Stone).
Trust may be my theme for 2010. Let me rephrase that, trust may be the theme God wants for me to finally figure out in 2010. I'm certainly learning more of what trust is but I'm no expert. That kind of trust is me slowing down, taking a deep breath, and speaking the words, "I believe you love me God, and that's enough." Not this conditional trust I've known for so long of 'I'll trust you more when I get what I want.' But growing my trust does increase when I see God provide answers. Sometimes they aren't the answers I was hoping for but they make sense some how. Finding and knowing real trust means letting go of so much control. Most of us squirm at the thought of giving up control, and I'm equally guilty. I know I've talked about control before. I've long held a white-knuckled grip on control, not wanting to let go. But finger by finger, God is pulling my hands off of control. Not so much that I'm proclaiming a complete attitude of, "whatever will be, will be," but I do like this different version, "whatever God's will will be." Either I've heard that somewhere or I just came up with it, but it seems much more realistic.
How much do I trust God? I want my trust to be big enough that I loop my arm through his as I walk confidently with my eyes closed. I want to walk gracefully and at ease while joyful and excited about my surroundings because he's described it all so well and with such detail, even though I still can see nothing. While we walk, I hear him reassure me, "you'll be a mom Tana, I promise you that." I laugh and cry and thank him for his promise. Again, that’s über trust!
So far I've been walking with him, but with both eyes open, or at best, just one eye opened as I try to peek. It seems I wear a stamp on my forehead that says, "trust pending." But I'm working up to the "super-trust" stamp and I know the past 21 months have faded my old "zero trust" stamp, but it still shows faintly when I try to pave my own path in life. I cherish the thought that I am a work in progress, ever changing, learning and growing.
Psalm 25: 1-2 "To you, oh Lord, I lift up my soul. Oh my God, I trust in you."
One of my favorite ways to spend a weekend is camping with Casey, the dogs and good weather. Last weekend we went to one of our favorite local campgrounds, Fort Worden. We knew the weekend weather was supposed to be really great and we were ready to soak up some sun and relaxation. After we arrived, unloaded and set up camp, we headed to the beach. The sun was beginning to set and everything around us glowed in a way that just seems to slow the pace of life down. It felt really good. I stood there and clicked a few pictures, trying to capture the perfection of this evening. None of those pictures did justice to the real thing. We walked the beach with our three happy dogs who managed to talk us into letting the run off-leash. They sprinted from one pile of seaweed to the edge of the water, back to some stinky kelp and finally circling back to us. Casey and I held hands as we laughed and watched the dogs play chase and tumble around the beach and I instantly felt at ease thinking I wanted the weekend to progress as slowly as possible.
Back to our warm and cozy tent trailer, I started dinner and we ate while playing our new favorite game, Rummikub. We pre-warmed our bed up with our heating blanket and crawled into bed at a modest ten o'clock. We were up around eight, ate breakfast, played another round of Rummikub and then finally got dressed and headed to the beach. The weather was as predicted, gorgeous. After an hour or so of walking the beach, we made our way back to the trailer and grabbed some lunch before loading up in the truck to head into town for the afternoon. Port Townsend was flooded with tourists and rightfully so. The streets were buzzing with accordion players and local folk singers drawing crowds and pretty much everyone just seemed happy. Our first stop was Swains. You just can't go to Port Townsend without exploring the likes of Swains. We never really buy much there but I like checking out the women's clothing section and the shoes, and Casey finds his way through the outdoor recreation aisles. Our one purchase this year was a sling shot.
From Swains, we headed down Main Street on foot, with the dogs of course. No other city, to my knowledge welcomes dogs quite like Port Townsend. With dog walkers everywhere and shops that keep water bowls replenished, our four legged friends were sure to have a nice time. We stopped to admire the hundreds of sail boats gliding through the water, they were beautiful. We continued our stroll and got some ice cream before heading up town to our favorite grocery store. Before heading back to the truck, we walked along the sidewalk to find a very interesting canine hot-spot. The homeowners had fashioned a wooden box that when opened, reveals doggie treats and is equipped with a watering hole where they can wash down their biscuit (likely home made, organic or all natural, it's Port Townsend!)
The rest of the weekend brought us more sun, more Rummikub, yummy beef stroganoff, reading time and the chance to be away from the TV and computer. I left my phone in the truck the entire weekend, and it felt really good. There's something about the quality time that's to be had when Casey and I take these mini-vacations, its refreshing relaxing and fun!
Before we knew it the weekend came to an end and we headed back home, where I can honestly say that life is pretty darn good too. We have quality time at home and we spend a lot of time playing cards together, going for walks and running, or chiming in our suggestions during Jeopardy. The camping time is just a different kind of quality time, and it passes slowly, I love that.
And as it would turn out the week brought some tough issues to our attention. After a visit to my doctor on Wednesday, I would find out that I'd need to come back in for diagnostic laparoscopic surgery. I'm suspicious, as is my doctor, that I have endometriosis. We scheduled the surgery and I was on my way. Before heading home I stopped by my sister's house and she greeted me with Tula in her arms and Finley by her side. Erin and I caught up on the latest and then my three year old niece Finley asked me, "Auntie Tana, what are you going to name your baby?" My sister quickly said, "She knows you're going to have a baby." I thought about Finley's question and then responded by telling her several of the names that Casey and I really like, she seemed very satisfied.
Finley’s question reminded of child-like faith and how easy children believe, hope and dream; nothing is impossible to them. I want that kind of faith! Finley doesn’t doubt that Casey and I will have kids, she trusts God! She prays believing and knowing that God will give us kids. I left a while later, feeling content and grateful to be reminded about what real faith is, from my three year old niece.On January 31st, Casey and I had the privilege of attending Cedar Park Assembly of God for their annual service, Presentation Sunday. Casey’s mom, stepdad and sister were there, as were his Aunt Lisa, Uncle DJ and Cousin Megan. My Mom and sister, her husband Nathan and their children attended as well. The service takes place on the last Sunday of each year and is dedicated to those couples who are struggling with infertility.
This service, hands down touched our hearts unlike any other. We saw parents bring forth their babies to be dedicated. They were parents who had tried for years to conceive and finally they stood before hundreds as they praised God for their new baby, and whole heartedly dedicated them to the Lord.
We heard story after story from couples who stood up with a baby in their arms, beaming with joy and praise. Each couple had a unique story, but all with the same underlying struggle: they desperately wanted to be parents but for whatever reason, they had not been able to conceive. Each couple had attended the previous year’s Presentation Sunday to receive encouragement and prayer as they struggled through the pain of infertility or adoption. I sat in the pew next to Casey and my sister and wept as I listened to the amazing stories of God opening wombs and redeeming promises. I could have sat there and listened to a hundred more stories of God’s work.
Then towards the end of the service the pastor welcomed all couples who were still struggling with infertility to come forward to kneel at the altar and receive prayer. Casey and I went forward, already in tears. We knelt to pray, among dozens of other couples, and were soon surrounded by prayer warriors who placed their hands on our shoulders. The presence of God was more than evident and we are so grateful for each person who stood there praying for us.
As the service came to a close, we stood and found ourselves surrounded by a woman and her daughters. They had been praying with us the entire time and they pointed to a family nearby and told us, “they were praying for you too and each of their children were conceived after a Presentation Sunday service.” I stood there thinking, ‘That is amazing!’ Then woman asked for our names and told us they would put them on their refrigerator as a reminder to continue to pray for us. They gave us a card with a leather strand- bookmark that has a charm with the words, “faith” imprinted on it. I’ve made the bookmark into a bracelet to wear as a reminder to have faith. The card also has a verse from Matthew printed on it – 17:20: “If you have faith as small as the mustard seed, nothing will be impossible for you.” And glued to the card was a tiny mustard seed. Surely my faith is larger than that! - Especially after being reminded of God’s power at that service.
When we got home that evening, I asked Casey, “Will you promise me something?” He agreed…not fully knowing what he was promising. I continued, “Promise me that when we have a baby, we will go back to Cedar Park to share our story on Presentation Sunday?” He assured me that we would.
We have continued to feel God’s peace ever since that service and we continue to ask him to keep our faith renewed. My prayer is just that, to be reminded of those miraculous stories each and every day, even when it’s really hard. I’m so guilty of forgetting that God really is at work, doing amazing things in the lives of people everywhere. But he really is working and moving in small ways and huge ones, and we were fortunate enough to be at that service to see the evidence of his timing, his miracles, and his power of making beauty from ashes. Wow!
A few days after the service, I received an e-mail from a gentleman at Cedar Park Assembly of God. He wanted to follow up and remind us that he too was praying for us and praying to see God’s plan for us unfold. I replied, thanking him for the encouragement and asked if there was any way I could pass along our thanks to the families who were praying for us. He responded today and welcomed me to send my thanks to him and he will pass the m along to the families as he knows them well. These people don’t know us and yet they’ve committed to praying for us, with their children no less! It amazes me.
Last night, I prayed for a sign from God and asked for peace and for the blessing of a baby (I pray for these things quite often). This morning after I got home from my run, I was packing a lunch for Casey when he came into the kitchen to say, “I had a dream last night. I dreamt that we went back to Cedar Park with our baby girl.” My eyes welled up and I hugged him, thanking him for telling me that. He left for school and I went into the living room and knelt to thank God for his dream. I soon found myself surrounded by our three dogs, licking me and trying to console me. But I didn’t need to be consoled, I was crying because I was filled with so much joy and excitement. I cried for a few minutes and the dogs continued to surround me. Then I had this light bulb turn on, I was picturing myself on my knees and praising God with our kids surrounding me with excitement. I was picturing myself folding laundry with toddlers tugging at me to be held or piling on me as I try to read or do crunches. I know it must sound crazy, but it made me smile.
We are so thankful to our family for being there with us that day and can’t thank all of you enough for your prayers, patience and support. We are so grateful to the people who prayed for us that day and so appreciative for the couples who came to share their amazing stories of God’s faithfulness. Most of all we are thankful to God for loving us and comforting us when we can’t find a way to be comforted on our own. Casey and I understand that we’re not perfect people, not by a long shot. Nor do we have many answers to life’s big questions. Fortunately God does.
This morning at New Life the topic was titled, "Dealing with tests and temptations" and we read through James 1. This topic struck a major cord in me and I sat there trying to soak up each and every word. The main point of the message was: "Faith grows under Pressure." I pondered that and considered how my faith has changed and grown during this process of trying to start a family.
I can certainly relate to the first question of the sermon, "How does faith grown under pressure?" Even more so, it was the answer to that question that seemed to be shouted directly at me: TANA, "YOU GET TO TRUST GOD!" The Pastor wasn't shouting, and he wasn't directing his words directly at me but you know how sometimes certain messages feel like they were intended specifically for you? That was me today. "You get to trust in God." Not, "You HAVE TO trust in God, but rather, you GET to trust in God." Yes I realize I'm repeating myself but that phrase is powerful. The passage used to back this up is from James 1:5-9 which says, "If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waiver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do."
I feel I haven't been entirely loyal to God... I've tried to 'fake' him out by giving him portions of my struggle, but I know I haven't given it entirely up to him. I haven't been able to genuinely release this battle from my ever-gripping hands. From the previous passage in James I underlined, Be sure that your faith is in God alone... for a person with divided loyalty... should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. My faith hasn't been in God alone, my faith has been in myself and doctors and lab work and prescriptions. My faith has hardly even been tapped into when I come to think of it. Surely I pray and weep to God but how do I release this to him? How do I fully do that?
The second answer to, "How does faith grown under pressure?" Is that we "get to work through it." This implies a privilege in "working through it" when most of us cringe at phrases like that, after all, "working through it" sounds hard. But James 1:12 says that "God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." Where do I sign up for that?
And the third answer to, "How does faith grown under pressure?" Is that we "get to deal with the real issue." Dealing with "real issues" sounds as fun as "working through it." The real issue I'm facing is that my faith is weak and my need to control is fierce.
The ending question was, "are tests and temptations growing your faith?" My answer is yes, this test is growing my faith, but my efforts of controlling things and my lack of total reliance on God is stunting the growth of my faith. God is waiting for me to fall at his feet, exhausted and eager to resign my lame efforts over to his amazing power and blessings. I am exhausted, so exhausted. I am eager to resign. My prayer is for my heart to transform into one of total surrender and unshakeable faith.
Credit to J. Stone and New Life for the message todayAt the start of each New Year, Casey and I make three lists of goals for the upcoming year. One list includes Casey’s goals for the year, another includes my goals, and the third is our combined goals for things we want to accomplish together. When we make the New Year’s list we also pull out the list from the previous year to see how we did. In 2007 and 2008 we accomplished every goal we’d listed. In 2009 we did not. Don’t get me wrong, we had a really great year and we definitely took advantage of the summer months for camping and family time. We started our farm last year, celebrated holidays, welcomed new family members, and made some amazing friends through New Life South. Those were just a few of the things that made 2009 really great and we feel hugely blessed by friends, family, health, dogs, tent trailers, The Olympic Peninsula, The Wenatchee Valley….I could go on and on.
There was, however, a feeling of disappointment when we looked at our list from 2009 and were unable to cross much off. We both met several of our personal goals, but our joint list took a major hit. It was a downer for sure. The biggest upset is obvious, we really wanted to have a baby and we didn’t. Ouch.
We made our 2010 lists two weeks ago and I’ve already dropped the ball. One of my goals was to blog once a week and I haven’t posted anything since December. I’m not beating myself up too much because we’ve been really busy with our new puppy and weekends away from home. But I do need to get to back to writing because I love words and the way they attach thoughts and emotions to my soul. Writing allows me to express some of the things that go on in my brain over the course of a day and it brings comfort and clarity when I write or type them.
And I have to say that I’m a true optimist at heart, I think 2010 will be amazing in spite of the things we didn’t get to cross off our list for 2009. A new year is like a clean slate, we get to dream about what’s to come and when we set goals that are realistic and actually work diligently to reach them…and when we do meet those goals, we find satisfaction. On the flip side, we often set realistic goals and while we do work hard at them, we don’t always accomplish them and then comes grief and disappointment. I have to believe that those emotions are healthy too because they force us to choose what we want to set our eyes on; the good things or the bad. I’ve decided that I just can’t dwell on the past; I have to keep my eyes looking forward.
I continue to hope. And at the top of our list for 2010 is, “have a baby.” Every fiber of my being yearns for a baby of our own. I have to chase away the doubt and cling to hope. I love hope. I require it. Hope used as a verb means, “to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.” It means, “To believe, desire or trust.” Hope is “to cherish a desire with anticipation.” Another definition states that to hope is “To desire with expectation of obtainment.” “To expect with confidence: trust.” Hope is, “to feel that something desired may happen.” Hope used in a phrase is, “to continue to hope, although the outlook does not warrant it.” Hope as a noun is, “desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.” (Dictionary.com)
With that being said, I need to remember these words about hope and I need to cling God’s promise above all others, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11. I believe that promise.
I’ve never liked those phrases like, “buck up!” or “pull yourself up by your boot straps.” And in October while at my weekly riding lesson, I took a pretty rough fall while trotting through the arena. In that moment of panic, I tumbled off my trusty friend ‘Rain Man’ onto the dirt. Thankfully I wasn’t hurt and I jumped up quicker than one might expect after taking a spill like that. My instructor rushed to my side, apologizing profusely and I reassured her that I was fine and I eagerly and fearlessly got right back on for the remaining half hour or so. My instructor was impressed by my willingness to get back in the saddle and she informed me that, “you’re not a true cow girl until you fall off a horse.” So people, it’s official, I’m a true cow girl And the occasional opportunity to, “buck up” is kind of a good thing.
There’s a phrase that my mom has repeated to me over the years (one that I much prefer) and that is the old saying that, “this too shall soon pass.” And while I prefer this one, I’d like it even more if it included some specifics like, “this too shall soon pass, so mark your calendar because on January 3rd things are gonna start looking up.” Isn’t that so true? Well for me I know it is. I’d like to be able to mark my calendar and I’d really like to know how many more months Casey and I will endure the brutal pain of infertility. You see, getting pregnant this month didn’t happen and I can honestly say that there aren’t many things that can make me gloomy on Christmas Eve or Christmas day but this year, I felt an aching pain.
Don’t get me wrong, time spent with our families was really special, hilarious and fun and I’m so glad we were able to share another great Christmas with amazing people like parents, sisters, brothers, cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, grandparents and dogs. But all the while I had a perpetual lump in my throat. That feeling of holding back the floodgate of tears…ugh. I felt deflated and discouraged all over again. The other day I was supposed to drive to Tacoma for yet another fertility appointment. I left Port Orchard with plenty of time to get to my appointment. There I was cruising down the highway at 65mph when I came to a screeching halt about a mile before the first Gig Harbor exit. Traffic was at a painful creep and I knew I would miss my appointment so I called to explain the circumstances to one of my nurses. Since the clinic closes at noon on Saturdays and my 11:30am appt. was their last one for the day, I knew they wouldn’t be able to just wait around for me. Unfortunately I’d just missed the last exit to turn around and had to stay on the highway until another exit came. It took me an hour to travel a half a mile. An hour! It took me an hour and a half, round trip to travel about 20 miles. I cried really hard. I was so frustrated, I’m still pretty angry about the whole mess. And missing the appointment that day meant that I would have to go again the next day, which I did. The appointment determined that it’s ok for me to continue with the Clomid and Estradiol prescriptions and follow through with another IUI in January. Casey and I talked about this at length and it was me who really wanted to throw in the towel and say, “nope, I don’t want to keep going back and forth to the clinic and deal with all of this stress.” And Casey was kind enough to remind me that we had only gone through treatments for a month and that we need to give it a few more months before calling it quits. This reminds me of one of the many reasons it’s great to be married to Casey. He doesn’t let me give up. He helps me remember that we need to look at things on more of a month-by-month basis, which feels so unnatural to me…but I know he’s right. Yes dear, I said it.
Casey and I were in the car the other day and we were talking about the concept of fairness. I’m really guilty of thinking, “I do not deserve this!” And to follow up I’m often pretty quick to think of another couple who has a baby that seems less deserving than us. I know that sounds terrible and very selfish but how many times do we think or say, “I don’t deserve this.”? We felt really convicted about these feelings. We openly listed all of the accomplishments or goals we’ve reached as if those things merit a baby! You can apply this attitude of what we do and don’t deserve to most any tough situation we face; illness, loss of a job, death of a loved one, addictions, betrayal and so on. And what we’re realizing (in a very hard lesson) is that life doesn’t operate on a basis of fairness, and God doesn’t operate on a basis of fairness. I certainly don’t believe that God wants to make life painful for us. I really believe that each painful situation in life is more about what God wants us to learn.
I don’t think that God is sitting on his Heavenly throne picking on us. It’s a tricky concept and fairness or the lack of, hits home for most of us. I would challenge you to think of a tough or painful situation in your life where you had that lingering thought of, “I don’t deserve this.” And then ask yourself, “What do I deserve? And why?” I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life but I’m pretty sure they have nothing to do with why we aren’t pregnant. I don’t think that we’re being punished.
All I can say is that I don’t have the answers to these really hard questions but I will say that God is doing something in Casey and me. He is up to something bigger than we know. And I do believe he will give us the desires of our hearts, I really do believe that. We kind of just have to realize that tough times are inevitable in life and how we deal with those times is the real issue. Will we draw closer to God? Will our marriages be stronger than ever? Will we appreciate people more? Will we forgive someone? Will we swallow our pride and return home like the Prodigal son? Will we be the parent to watch and wait for our own child to return home? Will we pray more? Will we be slower to speak and quicker to listen? Will we stop trying to do ‘life’ alone? Will we admit we don’t know it all? Will we give more of our time or resources to someone in need? Will we love more?
This is all part of my life story and I hope to answer ‘YES!” to all of those questions as I grow and learn through this experience and ones to come.Growing up, my mom was notorious for stashing things away. From stocking stuffers to snacks, she collected things throughout the year and stashed them away for just the right day. And more often than not, she'd stash things away and forget where she'd put them when the time came to stuff stockings.
My grandmother does the same with canned goods. That woman has more canned foods than I've ever seen in one home! She keeps her kitchen pantry well stocked and she has a back-up stash of canned goods in a giant cupboard in her garage. Everything from home canned peaches and tuna fish to at least half a dozen jars of Best Foods Mayo fill the shelves (may I note that she insists that Best Foods Mayo is the only acceptable spread). And dill pickles are always well stocked as they perfectly compliment a grilled cheese sandwich.
One of my friends stashes chocolate around her house for those craving she gets now and then. More of the 'now' though :) She'd tell you the same!
Me? I stash baby items in our future nursery. I've collected tons of baby things from cute booties that I find at Goodwill to sweet little ones-ies and plush baby blankets. This baby-item-stashing has been going on for the past 18 months, and I do this pretty shamelessly. My sister's friend gave me four boxes of baby clothes and those are stashed away as well. In the future baby room is a dresser and right now I have a cute pair of fur lined baby boots sitting on top. (A second hand find, of course!) I see the boots every day and it makes me excited to think that at some point in the future...hopefully sooner than later...there will be tiny feet to fill them! Every now and then I go through the dresser drawers to look at all of the cute baby clothes I've accumulated. This 'stashing' has been therapeutic in fact and it brings me hope and excitement for what's to come!
Casey and I met in 2005. We started dating in January of 2006. We graduated from Central Washington University in June and were engaged later that month. Weeks before our wedding Casey was hired by our local school district as a social studies teacher and quickly added the role of assistant football coach to his schedule. We were married on August 19th and after our wedding we optimistically moved into our tiny basement-apartment in Bremerton. After our honeymoon I started job hunting and found a job dental assisting for a Dr. in town. Four months later we broke our one year lease. Not only did it feel like we were living in a dungeon but we had no control over the thermostat (the upstairs renter did) and each time they turned the furnace on, their second hand smoke filled our apartment. On top of that, we desperately wanted dogs and our landlord- our slumlord did not allow pets.
In November of 2006 we brought home two Yorkie puppies to our apartment...even though dogs were forbidden. In December we couldn’t have been happier when we purchased and moved into our first home in Port Orchard. We joyfully celebrated our first Christmas as a married couple and made the rounds to see my mom’s side of the family, then my dad and stepmom in Puyallup, then to see Casey’s dad and stepmom in Kent, followed by a stop in Kirkland to celebrate with his mom and stepdad.
Then a New Year, 2007 and the spring and summer months brought us camping trips and time well spent with family and friends. Casey fulfilled his Air Force obligations for the summer and worked hard on house and yard projects. In October we purchased our second home and moved across the street and up two doors to live there while we rented out our first home. With the help of our parents we transformed our second home from a horribly dated 1940’s mishap to a charming and cozy house well suited for the family we had in mind.
Another Christmas season came and we made the rounds once again to see our families, then on December 26th we hopped on a flight to Maui for a ten day trip with my mom and stepdad and my four siblings, their spouses and my six nieces and two nephews. The 20 of us rang in the 2008 New Year in Hawaii, not a bad way to start the year! The year got even better in March of '08 when I changed careers and joined an amazing Learning and Developement team thanks to an "in" from my dear friend and neighbor.
Casey and I agreed on a mutual goal that we would start ‘working’ on in 2008. We coined the slogan that 2009 would be “the year of the baby.” Our hope was to conceive in the fall of’08, ensuring a spring baby...this was our plan. That summer Casey worked to re-landscape our yard and put in his two weeks at the Air Force base. In July we officially started “trying” to conceive. In the meantime we camped, went to concerts, weddings and celebrated our 2nd anniversary over a two day trip from Snoqualamie Falls to Vancouver, B.C. for a Jack Johnson concert.
In October Casey left for a six-week Air Force training in Knoxville, TN and wouldn’t be home until mid November.
We still weren’t pregnant by the time Casey left but he wasn’t nearly as disappointed as I was. My sister found out that she was pregnant with her second baby and her due date was set for June of '09. She was one of the last women I’ve been happy to hear was pregnant.
In November before Casey came home I went to my Obgyn. for a routine PAP smear and the results came back as normal. Casey came home later that month and we were back “in action” so to speak. Another Christmas came and went and before we knew it 2009 had arrived. We spent the snowy winter days sledding in our neighborhood with friends; we did a lot of reading and playing Scrabble. In March we were still not pregnant and Casey and I met with my Obgyn. to discuss some of our options. I had blood drawn to check my Thyroid as well as the hormone responsible for ovulation. The results showed that my thyroid was normal and that I had ovulated naturally that cycle. Casey had to make a deposit and those results came back as perfectly healthy and normal. Due to slight irregularities in the length of my cycles my Dr. decided to put me on 50mg. of Clomid on days 5-9 for no more than 6 months. In June I was on my third month of Clomid and we still had not conceived. I experienced minimal side effects of the drug, the worst being mood swings that seemed to be targeted at my poor husband. It was in June that I requested an HSG to be performed as I’d read that infertility can be caused by blockages in the fallopian tubes. This procedure was performed by a specialist on a Friday in June '09 and the results showed that I did not have any blockages and all was normal. We finished that weekend camping together at Lake Crescent and had a wonderful time fishing and relaxing.
It was during this summer that Casey and I started our mini-farm. We purchased five hens from a very knowledgeable "chicken lady" and happily brought them home with hopes of fresh eggs! Poppy, Violet, Tulip, Daisy and Sophia (the chickens) were quickly joined by two small bunnies,
Olive and Basil. We had no idea if they were male or female...but our farm was everything we'd hoped for and we both really began to enjoy the quirky personalities of our new feathered and furry friends.
We camped a lot this past summer and really had a great time together traveling around the Olympics with our tent trailer in tow and Sami and Bella on our laps. In August we decided not to use Clomid for the final and sixth month. We celebrated our third anniversary for a week while camping on the Strait of Juan de Fuca. That week was amazing. The weather couldn't have been better and the view from our campsite was gorgeous. Casey and I played a lot of Rummy, we did a lot of beach walking, bike riding and even made a day trip to Neah Bay. The view from the lookout point was incredible and we were so happy to be there together taking it all in.
We were even fortunate enough to have our friends join us for dinner in our tent trailer one evening on that trip. These friends have a baby and he was able to come too! One of my favorite things about this couple is that they are never hesitant to ask us about how things are going with our dreams of starting a family. Those conversations are so hard to have, and I choke back the tears as I look at them with their own baby. But I know they ask questions with sincere hope for us and I really respect them for that.
Fall came quickly and soon enough Casey was back to work teaching and coaching a new season of football. And in spite of a struggling economy the pace at the organization I work for was more than steady; we were downright busy and almost overloaded at times. I have no complaints about the team I'm part of and my direct manager is one of the most sincere and compassionate people I've ever known. She frequently asks about how things are going regarding getting pregnant and I always know that she genuinely cares. Everyone in our office knows the situation with Casey and I and they are all very supportive.
In October Casey and I went to a fertility specialist nearby because it had been 16 months of trying to conceive with no baby. The plan that the Dr. recommended for the first month as new patients was a "work up cycle" - they did several blood draws on specific days of my cycle and did a few ultrasounds as well. In the end they found that the only issue showing up from my months-worth of lab results was that my endometrial layer was only half as thick as needed to allow a pregnancy to occur.
So November was our first month of "fertility assistance" and my Dr. prescribed 100mg of Clomid for cycle days 3-7. In addition to that, I was prescribed Estradiol as an aid in thickening my uterine lining. More blood work, more ultrasounds and on day 14 of my cycle one of my fertility nurses performed an IUI. Today is day 26 of my cycle which means we could find out really amazing news on Christmas or we could be back on the roller coaster of anguish, all over again.
I am really blessed to have Casey for my husband and best friend. His positive outlook on life in general has been critical through this journey. He prays for me and keeps me encouraged. He makes me laugh and I can't wait to see him as a dad. I know he'll be amazing.
While I can cry at the drop of a hat at the thought of being a mother, I can also see a lot of humor in this life I'm living. In the last two months our bunnies have parented two litters of seven babies and the first litter was a shock to us! I discovered the babies living in a hole in the ground and now they're around eight weeks old and thriving, and quite spoiled...they frequent our laps in the evenings. The second litter of four was born last Wednesday in the cage where I'd been keeping the momma and first set of babies. Last Tuesday I found momma Basil with a bunch of straw and fur in her mouth and I said to Casey, "she's got to be pregnant again, she's building a new nest." And the very next day, our friend Liz discovered the babies when she dropped in to let poppa bunny Olive out for some stretching. I wish we could get pregnant that easy!
And our bunnies aren't the only ones working on having a family. Our hen Sophia has decided that she will hatch an egg of hers or even an egg of her fellow hen friends. Sophia has yet to figure out that her efforts are useless without a rooster. But day in, and day out, she sits inside her coop on an egg or two...or three...or four and she waits. She waits and waits with all her heart. And man, I can really sympathize with Sophia as crazy as it sounds because Sophia the hen has this built in desire to mother a chick. While she sits on those eggs (until we come home and swipe them from under her) the other four hens spend the day outside foraging, clucking and strutting their feathery bottoms. They too lay eggs, but they go into the coop, lay the egg and then they leave it. And all the while Sophia sits and waits. Learning something from a hen seems like a silly idea, but I think she's taught me something. It's ok to want that egg to hatch and it’s important to put in a lot of time and care. But something that Sophia misses out on is daylight and socializing with her gal pals. Unfortunately hens aren't smart enough to know that the egg won't hatch so they are pitifully left to sit and wait.
I've done my share of wallowing over not having a baby of our own yet. Heck, I've ninja kicked an ugly old "accordion" style door down in our house after starting my cycle one month. But I'm learning that I have to keep living while trying to get pregnant. It's hard and some days I'd really like to stay in my bed, with my head under the covers. Some days I really want the pity party, actually I've thrown many for myself over the past 18 months. And I have days where I've just cried to my mom or sister, or most frequently to my husband. There are days when I want to fill out adoption papers. There are days of gut wrenching sadness and doubt.
And fortunately and most necessary, there are days of hope. Last week I was just starting to fall asleep when I had this clear vision of a toddler with blonde hair and blue eyes standing and looking at me. And in that moment I rolled over and told Casey to stop reading for a second and said, "I know this sounds weird but I just saw something" I explained the toddler I'd just seen. He said nothing in response and I didn't take it personally. I mean, what do you say to that? But that was hope for me, seeing that blonde boy. The word hope has resonated with me in depth for the last few months and last Sunday on my way to church I saw a rainbow and I felt hope again. And the topic of the message that day was, "Hope is coming for Christmas." I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I do hope for that positive sign on a pregnancy test. I'd be lying if I didn't say that's really the only thing I want this Christmas. There is the nasty voice that whispers, "No" and I have to quiet that doubt and remember that hope is coming. I drink a lot of Organic Good Earth tea and they are kind enough to add quotes to each tea bag tag. One I really love is from Aristotle who said, “Hope is a waking dream.” And I'm just waiting for my dream to awake.
December 3rd 2011: Miles is home!!!!!!!!
November 30th, 2011: Embassy appointment
November 26th, 2011: I (Tana) leave for DC and meet my mom there; then on to Addis - we are ON OUR WAY TO BRING MILES HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!November 25th, 2011: We receive the email from the US Embassy that our case is cleared, we can travel!
November 17th, 2011: No word from Embassy, I email them for status update, Embassy emails back that day to say they are trying to set up an interview with the Police Officer who filed Yonas' paperwork on being abandoned.
November 11th, 2011: US Embassy in Ethiopia emails us to say they have our case and are reviewing, we are to wait 5 business days before contacting them.
November 8th, 2011: Our file was submitted to the US Embassy in Ethiopia
September 30, 2011: We passed court!!! Paperwork-processing continues, we are making progress!!!
July 29-August 5th: IN ETHIOPIA!!!! Wooo Whooo! Court on Aug. 3rd!!
July 15th, 2011 We find out our first court date in is on August 3rd!!!!!!
June 15, 2011
We received our referral!!!!!!
May 19th, 2011
Dossier on its way to via FedEx – to arrive early next week!!!!!
May 3, 2011
Dossier - notarized and mailed to Secretary of State for "authentication" - waiting for it to be mailed back to us, then it's off to the Assistant Stork for Secretary of State Approval!
April 25, 2011
Received approval letter (I-171H) from Citizenship & Immigration Services - this authorizes us to be matched with a child!!!!!
March 29, 2011
USCIS Finger printing appointment, Tukwila!!
Now we wait for our I-171H!!!
February 28, 2011
I600A Express Mailed to UCIS – once approved we will get our I-171H which is the document we have to have in order to get matched with a child.
February 15, 2011
Our homestudy is approved!!! Amen!
February 8, 2011
We received the first draft of our homestudy to review!! Yipeeeee!!!!!
January 12, 2011
We had our third homestudy visit! We're on the home stretch of this portion!
December 18, 2010
Our 2nd homestudy visit at our house, all went well! We also found out that our first set of fingerprints came out good therefore we passed our background check. Our next visit with our social worker is on Jan. 5th- hopefully this will be the final visit.
December 9th, 2010
Today was our first of 3-4 visits with our social worker. This went well and we're looking forward to our next appointment!
December 5th, 2010
Today we scheduled our first homestudy visit which will happen on Thursday!!! Progress!!!!
November 29th, 2010
Our passports came in the mail today!
November 15th 2010
Notarized documents submitted for review, now we wait to schedule first homestudy
November 8th, 2010
Our application is reviewed & we are officially accepted into the program
November 5th, 2010
Adoption application is in the mail!
November 1st, 2010
We share our decision to adopt a son from with family & friends
October 2010
We chose an agency & begin paperwork
October 2010
Research/talk to friends who adopted recently
September 22nd 2010
We decide to adopt & agree to spend until Nov.1 researching agencies
Capital: Addis Ababa
Official Language: Amharic
Population: 85 million
Country size: 436,071 square miles (the world's 27th largest country)
Fact: Ethiopia is the original source of the coffee bean
Fact: Ethiopia is the number one honey producing country in Africa
Fact: Lake Tana, in the northern part of Ethiopia, is the souce of the Blue Nile
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethiopia
Casey & I met in 2005, started dating in January of 2006; we were engaged in June that summer & married on August 19th, 2006. We are absolutely best friends.
We live in Port Orchard on what we call, “The Farm.” We have three dogs, Sami, Bella & Gauge. We also have six hens & three bunnies.
We love to camp together in our cozy little tent-trailer, especially on the Olympic Peninsula. Casey loves sports & I’m happy to join him in going to Husky, Seahawks or Mariners games. He snowboards, I ski…He’s awesome at wakeboarding & I just learned last summer. We both like to run. Casey loves bird hunting with Gauge. I prefer gardening, canning or a glass of wine. We both like to read & we're happy when we find good breweries on our adventures together.
We're temporarily moving to Florida at the end of October until next summer -2012. Casey will be attending a training school for the US Air Force. I’ll be working remotely while we’re there.
We have a great circle of friends & are blessed to have a huge, amazing family. I am the youngest of seven, the aunt of nine. Casey has a twin brother & a younger sister. We owe much credit to our wonderful parents for shaping us into the people we are today.
We’re on an adventure to become parents, adopting a son from Ethiopia! This is our adoption story…hold on, here we go!!!!
The best way to communicate with us is here through our blog or via email at: therealrobbinsnest@hotmail.com
